All language subtitles for Designing.Women.1993.S01E21.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.H264.AAC-PTerWEB_track3_[eng]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Charlene, where's
the rest of the newspaper?

I want to see
that ad we put in.

I don't know. Well, maybe,
they left the home section out of our paper.

Who knows? Maybe...
Maybe a dog carried it off.

What dog?

I don't know.
A seeing-eye dog. [CHUCKLES]

Julia, don't I
owe you a dollar?

What for?

Uh, lunch the other day.
I was short, remember?

You know I don't keep
track of those things. Just forget it.

Oh, no, no, no.
I can never do that. It would bother me.

Charlene, where's
the home section?

Um, do you ever look
at a dollar bill

and wonder
where it's been?

I mean, do you ever,
just, kind of, hold it in your hand

and think, maybe,
it's been with somebody you used to know, you know,

like somebody you went to high
school with or somebody you used to be in love with,

or, maybe, even somebody
you were gonna meet and fall

in love with sometime
in the future?

And you never know
that you both had that same dollar.

Do you ever wonder
about stuff like that?

No, I don't.

Do you ever wonder
why you're beginning to sound like Andy Rooney?

No, I don't.

I want the home section.

All right.
It's just going to make you mad.

I mean, I thought we could
get more off for our $350.

You know, but the rates
went up. And, so, the copy's a lot smaller

than I thought
it was gonna be.

It must be small
I can't even find it.

It's right there.

You must be joking!

This isn't small.
It's microscopic.

What's that?
Our ad.

Let me see.

Oh, that is small.

Small?

If you rolled it up,

it could be a high school
diploma for a gnat.

I did the best
I could.

Nobody is gonna pay
any attention to this.

The only person who would
possibly come in Sugarbaker's because of this ad

is someone who would take
the time to blow it up,

so they could read the name
and address, and, frankly, I don't think

I want a person
like that in my store.

Why not?
Because they would be unbalanced!

That doesn't stop
the rest of us for coming in here.

I rest my case.

What case?

Nothing, it's just
a little joke.

Well, I'm not
in the mood. I'll be so glad

when they finish
working on that building next-door.

I'm just sick and tired
of those hard-hats

always yelling and whistling
every time I go by.

I mean, all I ever hear is,
"Look how big they are."

Well, I wouldn't
worry, Suzanne.

They're probably talking about
your purse or your buns.

You know Julia, just once
I would like to walk in here

and make a statement without
being personally attacked.

Well, I could cut down,
but I wouldn't wanna have to go cold turkey.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Sugarbaker's.

Hey, hi, Jack!

Suzanne, it's
your ex on the line.

How's that famous
pitching arm?

I'll take it over here.

Why don't you come by
and see us sometime?

You know, my family
doesn't even believe I know you.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh. Sorry, Jack.

All right. Got to go.

Thank you.

Hi, Jack.

I'm fine.

Dinner?

I thought we had
dinner in November.

Oh, was it October?

You know how I get
those "ber" months mixed up.

Why do you want
to have dinner?

You wrote a book?

Autobiographical?

Does that mean I'm in it?

Well. Okay. Yes,
I'll read the manuscript.

It's not too long, is it?

Okay.

Yes, I'll send
Anthony for it.

Okay, bye.

Jack wrote a book?

[SIGHING] Yeah.
About his life in baseball.

Wants me to read it.
You know, I just hate to read.

I'll just tell him I read it.
He'll never know the difference.

You're joking.

Aren't you just
a little bit curious

what he said about you?

Not enough
to read a whole book.

As I already know how
he feels about me.

He's still madly
in love with me.

What I want to know
is why y'all got divorced in the first place.

I mean, of all your
ex-husbands, I think

he's by far the cutest.

Charlene, cute
isn't everything.

I mean, I need
somebody I can talk to

about things
besides baseball.

You know, things
I find fascinating.

Like what?

Well, like me.

Jack never did want
to talk about me.

All he ever wanted
to talk about was those...

Saliva balls of his.

I think
you mean spitballs.

The only time our
marriage ever worked was in bed.

I mean, it was
just constant fabulous sex...

Day in, day out.

Well, you know
how a little of that

goes a long way.

Yeah, I know
what you mean.

Fabulous sex can
just drag you down.

I think I know
what she means.

You know, how there are
people you just have this great chemistry with,

but you just cannot
live with them.

That's right. I mean,
Jack and I never had anything in common.

I mean, he used to just
throw his clothes all over the place.

Well, I like things neat.
That's why I have a maid.

So, I said to him,
"Get yourself your own maid."

But he refused.

You see? That's the kind
of thing I was dealing with.

If he hadn't been
so in love with me,

it wouldn't have lasted
as long as it did.

Suzanne, I seem
to recall several fights

which culminated
in his riding face down

on the hood of your car
to the police station.

If I were you,
I'd be more than a little anxious

to get my hands
on that manuscript.

Julia, you know, If there's
one thing I've never had to worry about,

it's the way
my ex-husbands talk about me.

I mean, I never had one
saying an unkind word yet.

In fact, just to show you
how confident I am,

you can read
the manuscript,

and I won't even
ask you what's in it.

All right,
I'll be happy to.

Fine. And you don't have
to tell me anything in it.

It's a deal.

Well, there's just
one little thing I'd want to know.

What?
Well, like, if he mentions me rolling my pajama bottoms up

when I run out
of underwear.

It's hard to go on working
while Julia's up there reading that manuscript.

I never heard her
be so quiet.

Anthony, would you go
upstairs and check on her?

Uh-uh, she specifically
told me not to interrupt her

unless there was a fire

and it had reached
the second floor.

You're being awfully
uncurious about this, Anthony.

You didn't by any chance
open it on the way over,

did you?

[SCOFFS] I cannot
believe you think

I would stoop to
something like that.

Of course, I didn't open it.

Fell out.

I knew it! I knew it!
You read it, didn't you?

Well, not the whole thing.

I mean, I am not
an Evelyn Wood graduate.

But I did glance
at a couple of chapters

as I was pickin' it up.
And?

Well, basically,

the dude had more groupies

than all the rock stars
in North America.

He actually wrote that?

Wrote it? That part
was in bold caps.

What I want to know is,

when did this man
find time to play baseball?

Julia, does Jack
actually say

that he played around
while he and Suzanne were married?

I don't think I would
call it playing around.

More, like,
sexual bombing strikes

on major
American cities.

This is awful!
This will kill her!

I mean, no one's ever
gone out on Suzanne before.

I know, but I had
a funny feeling about this one.

I never could trust a man
Who spits tobacco

into a potted plant
when you're not looking.

Hi.

What's going on?

Nothing.

We're just standing around
in a circle talking.

Oh, I get it.
Julia read Jack's manuscript,

and now you're trying
to make me think

he said something
bad about me.

Well, it's not
going to work. I told you.

I don't even care.

Suzanne.

I just want you to know

I've know many
a squealer in my time,

and eventually
these things even out.

His time will come.

Nice try, Anthony,
but it won't work.

No, we, we think it's
a good decision

that you decided
not to read it.

Julia, why are you
being so quiet?

What's wrong?
Didn't you like it?

Oh. Yes.

It's very interesting.

It has all the elements;

Adventure, travel...

Romance.

[CHUCKLES] Romance.

With me.

No, Suzanne.

I mean as in
extracurricular.

Where do I start?

Chapter Four.

The girls of the royal
Canadian Mounties.

You wanna know
why I like this bar?

I like this bar
'cause nobody in here knows me.

After that book
is published,

I'll probably
hang out here all the time

just in hopes of not
being recognized.

Oh, come on, Suzanne,

your life is not over

simply because Jack Dent
had some affairs.

Oh, I would highly dignify
him but calling them affairs.

At least he was discreet.
He didn't name any...

He didn't have to,
he named states.

But it's not fair.

He gets all the adulation,
she gets all the humiliation.

Oh, well,
after all he deserves it.

He's Mr. Jack Atlanta
Saliva Ball Dent.

I'm telling you it's spitball.

Whatever.

I mean he's still one of the
top five pitchers

in the entire American lead.

League.
It's national.

Whatever.

You know, this could
have been one of the problems in her marriage.

Well, it doesn't matter.

And after Jack's book
is published,

it's gotta be like strangers
going through my lingerie drawers.

I'd like another
Martini, please.

I mean, I'm going to be
publicly cuckolded.

I'll make it
a double.

Shh. Look, it's Jack.

They're
interviewing him on the TV.

Oh, that's eight.
There's a game tonight.

Boo!

Suzanne!

I told you we should never
let her order a drink

that doesn't come
with an umbrella in it.

Boo!

Hey, keep it down,
will you? We're trying to hear Jack Dent.

Oh, keep it down, yourself.

He doesn't even
pick up his own underwear.

Suzanne.

Suzanne,
let's not go off the deep end here.

The book will
go unpublished.

I don't know
about that, Julia.

I mean, Jack's won
every game this season. He's so popular around here,

He could mug Mother Teresa
And still be elected mayor.

Oh, look, now they got
his fan club up there.

You know, I used
to believe those women were just fans.

I was so stupid,
but not anymore.

I'm nobody's patsy.

I mean, I have no intention
of becoming "Poor Suzanne,

the long-suffering,
jilted ex-wife."

It might surprise
some people to know

that I've done
some bad things on my own.

Mmm-hmm.
Wouldn't tax my imagination.

One thing was so bad,

Jack doesn't even
know about it.

Don't keep us hanging.
What was it?

[SMACKS LIPS]
It was August 26, 1983,

the night of
the Pittsburgh Pirates game.

We'd just had
the biggest fight of our lives.

I mean, I was so furious
and that he walked out right in the middle of it.

Oh, I hate it
when they do that. Don't you, though?

So, I saw this
shiny thing sticking up out of his gym bag,

And then, I did it.

Did what?

I can't say.

ALL: Suzanne.

Okay.

I put Bengay
in his athletic cup.

[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

Oh, that is terrible.

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
They lost the game 9-1.

I used to just feel
terrible about that.

And how
do you feel now?

Like I just won the finals
in six beauty pageants.

Another drink?
Mmm-mmm.

Oh, but I need a cab
to the stadium.

The stadium,
what for?

I feel like playing
a little hardball myself.

Hey, hiya, Suzanne.

Hi.

Wait! You can't
come in here.

Where is he?

Give me
that towel.

Dent's wife.

Ex-wife.

[GROANS] Suzanne.

I just came by to tell you
what a complete lowlife you are as a human being,

not to mention
a husband!

You've been drinking.

That's right.

And we all know
what he's been doing, don't we, guys?

Listen, if this is
about the book,

I told you I wanted
to talk about it.

Oh, just talk, huh?

Well, that would be
something new for you.

Where are your pants?

Did you leave them
at the hotel,

or do you just not bother
to wear 'em anymore?

Listen.

I can explain everything,
it's just not now.

Hey, Dent! Do you mind?

Oh, pipe down!

There's nothing here
I haven't run into before.

It might interest you to know

I've seen a few other
naked men in my life.

[ALL EXCLAIM]

She makes me feel so cheap.

She hasn't seen
that many guys naked.

I have, too.
Uh-oh.

Look, if this is
about the book,

I'm sorry.

That's why I wanted
you to read it ahead of time

to make sure
you wouldn't be mad.

Wouldn't be mad.

Oh, that is
so typical of you.

Jack dense!

I mean, you
go around whomping

one half of
the Western Hemisphere,

and you want
to make sure I won't be mad?

Well, you know how you are.

I figured, what do you care?

We're not married anymore.

But we were married.

And I trusted you.

Maybe, I wasn't
the adoring little housewife

sitting at home
with that apron...

Apron? You can't even
slice cheese. [SNORTS]

That may very well be,

but who was that
went out and got your Vitamin "C" pills, huh?

And who cleaned the mud
out of your little cleats?

Your maid?

That's right.

Who do you think
was paying her for it?

And I'm sure she didn't
perform any service

the rest of your
wives haven't.

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]
And, so, I claim

a small victory here tonight.

The victory of
the Pittsburgh Pirates over the Atlanta Braves,

August 26, 1983.

Look, I don't wanna
hurt your feelings, but I got to go now.

Is this speech over?

It ain't over
till the fat lady sings.

[STAR SPANGLED BANNER PLAYING]

♪ Oh, say,
Can you see... ♪

I guess it's over.

Turn that thing down.

Come on.

Let me come by
after the game. [SCOFFS]

I want to explain.

Come on.

Suzanne.

Honey.

And as for that...
[GRUNTS]

...Not if you were
the last man left on Earth, terminally ill,

and the human race's
final shot for procreation.

[RINGING]

[MAN OVER RADIO]
You're listening t o WXIU.

Randy Garrett here.

[CONTINUES RINGING]
We just got a request

from my old
drinking buddy Jack Dent.

You know it's hard
to turn down a guy

Who's just made
4 and 0 for the season.

[TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
Suzanne.

We know your listening
because it's your habit

to tune in
after you're in bed.

Now, Jack is phoning you
from a close by phone,

and if you don't answer,

he's going to come
break down your door.

All I can say is,

I just hope nothing happens
to that golden arm,

or, Suzanne,

you could have
all of Atlanta to answer to.

Good luck, Dent.
Go get 'em, tiger.

CONSUELA: You break
in here, I'll kill you with pocket knife.

DENT: No, I have a key.
Suzanne's expecting me.

CONSUELA: Get your filthy
hands off me.

I get gun, I fix you!

That woman's
a maniac.

I know. That's why
I hired her.

CONSUELA:
Open the door! I kill you!

Would you tell her I'm okay?

CONSUELA: I get the big gun!

It's okay, Consuela.
He's not going to be here long,

or else I'll get
the big gun.

[BANGS ON DOOR]
CONSUELA: That is why you live all loca.

[SIGHS]

Listen, I know
you're upset.

I'm sorry about the dirt.
I came straight from the ballpark.

Would you mind
if I lie down just to talk?

I'll pay to have
the sheets martinized.

What do you think
you're doing?

Oh, nothing.

For a second
I thought I detected a man's outline there.

I'm warning you, Jack.

The only outline
anyone's going to find here

is a little chalk
with you on the floor after the police get here.

[GRUNTS]

What's the matter?

My head. It's not
enough that I make a fool out of myself,

in your locker room,
but you have to put us on the radio, too?

I can't help it.
I do better when the whole city's cheering me on.

Please, just leave me alone.

Not until you hear
what I have to say.

Uh...

You got your deal
on backwards there.

How would you know?

Because the breasts
go in front.

Please, come on.
Let's fix it.

Come on.

Don't even
think about it.

I'll close my eyes.

I'll throw up on you.

Look... [CLEARS THROAT]

Suzanne, I just...
I just didn't take

this whole book thing
that seriously.

I mean, this all started when
the first three publishers

turned it down.
What publishers?

I just want to write
a book about baseball.

They all said
the same thing,

"No juice. Where's
the inside stuff?"

To tell you the truth,
half of it I wrote on a bus

with...
and a couple of other guys.

We were just
having a good time.

Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

You're telling me
you made this stuff up?

Oh, not the baseball part.
Just the groupie stuff.

Personally, I think
it's a pretty good book.

Did you read the chapter

on how to psych yourself
out of a slump?

Honey, you really
made this up?

You didn't sleep
with any of those women?

Suzanne, in the two years
we were married... Three.

Whatever. I didn't
sleep with anyone

Who didn't have
a quarter inch of facial hair

And snore
like a buffalo. [CHUCKLES]

Well, all that shows
is a lack of discrimination.

You don't believe me?

Call my mother.

Why would I call
your mother?

I don't know.
She's a good woman?

Call the guys.
Call the coach. They'll tell you.

Suzanne, why would
I want anyone else?

You were the best.
[CHUCKLES]

You know, even now,
when I'm with someone else,

I close my eyes,
and I think of you.

Oh, Jack.

All right,
I was on a roll.

I just can't believe
you thought I wouldn't mind

about all that
fooling-around stuff.

Oh, I guess
I wasn't thinking.

Hey, I'm a jock.

I've taken
a lot of balls to the head.

I just... I just
wanted you to see

that I dedicated
the book to you.

You did?

I didn't even notice.

Well...

You can be
kind of sweet sometimes.

Yeah, I know.

Okay, do you swear
on your life,

may lightning
strike you down dead,

this is the absolute truth?

You know, that's something
I never liked about you,

That casual way you have
of sicking lightning on me.

Swear it.

All right.
May lightning strike me dead.

And you'll
rewrite it?

What if it costs
me the deal?

Swear it.
Okay.

Okay.

I'd rather seal it
with one of these.

Jack, we can't.

Why not? [KISSES]
[GIGGLES]

Who cares if we
don't get along?

We can still go away
for a few days

and do some
terrible stuff to each other.

[SUZANNE GIGGLING]

Stop it.
Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm going to bed now.

[YAWNS] Okay. Stay here
and do some terrible stuff

to each other.

I won't.
I'll call Consuela.

Hey, I was just testing.

Wanted to make sure
your resistance was back to normal.

You know I don't want
to leave you in a weakened condition.

What are you looking for?

Lightning.

Not funny.

Good night.

Okay, how about a real one
for old time's sake?

[GRUNTS SOFTLY] Jack.

Okay, okay,
I'm going.

Oh, wait. [GIGGLES]

What did the dedication say?

"For Suzanne,

Thank you for being there."

Oh.

"And for having
large breasts."

Get out of here.

You're okay,
you know that?

Yeah, you're okay, too.

You know,
I might throw you a no-hitter tomorrow.

Oh, that'd be nice.

I might even
throw in a home run.

I'll be watching.

Oh, one thing.
I almost forgot.

You know, about that
athletic cup?

Yeah.
Now we're even.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]