Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Suzanne, you've been sitting at that typewriter all morning.

So? So, it's starting to get on my nerves.

I mean, it'd be different if you could type.

I just can't stand all that pining, and pausing and pecking.

You think I like sitting here typing up all these

letters of recommendation, you're crazy.

Especially, not for the Wilson girls.

I mean, there's no point in them going through rush.

They're not even attractive.

If you ask me,

all that sorority stuff's a lot of nonsense, anyway.

You don't know what it's like

to feel that deep, unbreakable bond

with 70, 80 of your closest friends.

I felt the bond, Suzanne.

I'm just not the kind of person

who enjoys standing around and circled all day

singing and holding hands with other women.

You know, I never believed they kicked you out

for not wanting to go to Long Campus.

They can't tell me it wasn't personal.

Betty Pervis was President then,

and she never got over that remark you made about her.

What remark?

When you said she looked like she was Wayne Donna Pekrul.

Wait till y'all see what I just bought.

But before I show you,

I just want to go on record to saying

I'm sick and tired of man-crazy women.

You know, all women talk about on TV,

that's all you read about in women's magazines about the man shortage, you know.

How to get one, how to keep one.

And I for one just want to say that I believe

there's more to life than men.

For instance, there's news and weather, and,

sports. However...

Over this, I had absolutely no control.

I saw. I had to have.

Oh...

Who is that?

CHARLENE: That is the best-looking man left on earth.

Where can this person be located? I don't know.

I was pushing my cart through pic-n-save,

and all of a sudden, I looked up and there he was.

And I said to myself, "Charlene," exact words...

"That is the best-looking man left on earth."

And to top it off, he only cost a buck.

Wait a minute. Look at that logo. That's an Atlanta address.

[GASPS] You think we could actually find him?

Just listen to the two of you.

You sound like a couple of bloodhounds picking up a scent.

I could hang a man on a stick

and work you into a frenzy.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello.

No, he's out on a delivery now.

May I take a message?

Big Blue rolls tonight.

Who is this, please?

Mr. Victor's dog grooming parlor.

I see.

Yes, I'll be sure he gets the message.

What was that all about?

I don't know. I'm certainly gonna find out from Anthony when he gets here.

[GASPS] You'll never believe what just happened.

I'm getting the kids ready for school,

and the phone rings, and guess who it is.

The best-looking man left on earth?

No, my daddy. He's here in Atlanta,

or he will be in an hour.

I mean, he... he said he was gonna surprise me

but then decided maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

So, I'm gonna go out and pick him up at the airport

and he's gonna be here four whole days.

Mary Jo, that's wonderful!

Well, you know, he hadn't visited me since he and mama got divorced.

He's had this crazy idea that I'm mad at him,

but... [CHUCKLES] I'm not.

Well, maybe I am a little.

Four days. What are you going to do to entertain him?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, he's kind of a homebody.

The days are taken care of anyway.

He's here to attend a convention for vets.

I didn't know your dad was in Vietnam.

Suzanne, he's a veterinarian.

Don't you know what a veterinarian is?

Of course, I know, Julia.

What'd you think I thought?

Somebody that doesn't eat meat? [SCOFFS]

Give me a break.

I didn't just come in on the last banana wagon.

It's boat, not wagon.

Sticks and stones can break my bones,

but words can never hurt me.

How I hate it when she pummels us

with clever repartee.

Jo, you better get going if you're gonna meet your daddy's plane.

Oh, right, if you just call Shumacher's about those French pillows.

I'm so excited. This is the first time daddy will ever have seen the shop.

We'll just grab a little lunch, then, I'll bring him back by here.

And if anybody wants to mention

that, um, I'm doing a pretty good job here,

That would be okay.

[MARY JO CHUCKLES]

Mary Jo... Oh, right.

Get out.

Charlene, did Mary Jo call in yet?

Hmm? What'd you say?

I said did Mary Jo check in while I was out?

No, but it's about 2:15 p.m., she'll be here in a minute.

You know, I was just sitting here fantasizing.

You know, wouldn't it be crazy if you know, like,

my... my apartment building caught on fire

and they got everyone out but me?

And I'm out on my balcony screaming,

And the person who comes up the ladder to get me is him?

You know, and after he saves me we start going out. Right?

And I keep telling him how incredible it is

how much he looks like Tom Selleck.

and he eventually admits to me that he is Tom Selleck's younger brother.

Only he doesn't tell people 'coz he wants them to like him for himself.

And then we get married.

We eventually move to Los Angeles

and I become a semi-regular on his show.

Do you ever think of just completely outrageous stuff like that?

No.

Okay, the van is loaded.

I just need to know if I'm supposed to pick up that couch

before I take that other stuff out to the Morrison's.

Yes, it's ready. The upholsterer just called.

Anthony, I'd like to ask you

a personal question.

Mr. Victor's dog grooming parlor called

And said, "Big Blue rolls tonight."

Would you care to explain that?

[STUTTERING] Yeah. Well, I was going to mention that to you.

See, I had a chance to freelance our van

a couple of nights a week because Mr. Victor overbooked the dogmobile. [CHUCKLES]

I didn't think you'd mind.

Anthony, are you telling us

you've been using Sugarbaker's furniture van

as a taxi cab for dogs?

Oh, no. It's not a taxi cab.

I mean, it's not like I got them on a meter or anything.

No wonder Consuela took one whiff of those drapes

she delivered for my sun porch and said they smelled like dog.

Hey, now, I keep that van spotless.

And every one of those dogs is housebroken,

except for the Great Dane.

But I guess if you're a Great Dane,

you don't have to be.

Anthony...

Okay, I guess I got a little carried away.

You know,

when I first got out of prison,

I only had one suit to my name.

I guess I saw this as an opportunity,

not only to better myself,

but to become an important role model

for other delinquent ghetto youth.

How forward thinking of you.

I'll be fascinated to see

how your riding around in a van full of dogs

is going to lead some minority child

to the Nobel Prize.

Uh-huh. Well, I guess I also took into account

the human factor.

Poor Mr. Victor being at one of his more fragile points...

After years of being drunk and destructive,

he finally joined A.A.

Oh, I admire people so much who do that.

Yeah. Well, all of us at the grooming parlor

are pretty darn proud of him.

He's devoting his whole life to it.

That's amazing.

Why would anyone want to devote their life

to the automobile club?

Suzanne, that's triple A. This is A.A.,

as in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know that.

Right.

Okay, Anthony,

you better tell Mr. Victor

that's he's going to have to be on the wagon

without our van.

Hey, I'm out of here.

I'll tell Mr. Victor that the deal is off.

Hey, who is that?

Just a guy I like.

Yeah? Dude looks wimpy to me.

I bet his mama butters his toast for him. [CHUCKLES]

Hi, everybody. I'm sorry we're late. The traffic was just awful.

Daddy, I'd like you to meet, Julia,

who's the captain of our little team here.

Julia, this is my dad, Davis Jackson.

How do you do, Dr. Jackson?

Well, how do you do? I'm just awfully glad to finally meet you

And get to thank you for taking such good care of my daughter.

Whoa, we don't have to do much.

She takes pretty good care of herself.

That's true. We'll have to take you out and show you some of her decorating jobs.

Daddy, this is Charlene, who used to live next door to me,

but I don't believe you met her.

Charlene, it is an honor to meet you.

But I must say that Mary Jo failed to do you justice in your description.

No, Daddy, I told you how cute she was.

Mary Jo, cute doesn't even begin to cover it.

Oh, thank you.

Actually, she described you a little differently, too.

Oh, how's that?

I don't know. More like a father. [ALL LAUGH]

Well, maybe that's 'cause he is my father.

Daddy, come on, I want you to meet Suzanne.

Daddy?

Uh, what?

I want you to meet Suzanne, our other partner.

Oh, I'd love to meet Suzanne.

Charlene, I trust I'll be seeing more of you.

I hope so, Dr. Jackson.

Davis. Call me Davis.

All right, Davis.

Or you could just call him Dr. Jackson.

That's what most of my friends call him.

Daddy, I want you to meet Suzanne, our other partner.

Suzanne, this is my dad, Davis Jackson.

Hello. Suzanne, my pleasure.

Well, now, I don't know what you ladies would attribute this to,

but you are the best-looking group of women

I have seen accumulated in some time. [ALL GIGGLE]

Oh, daddy, is that all you can say?

Just that we're good-looking?

Well, Mary Jo, I've only known them five minutes.

It'll be a little hard to commit to anything else right now.

[LAUGHS]

I mean, don't you like the store?

Oh... Yes, it's... it's just a dandy,

and you all have done a bang-up job here, a bang-up job.

Well, we're still working on it.

Dr. Jackson, I can't tell you what a joy it is

to work with your little girl.

Well, it's true, she's the most popular person at Sugarbakers'.

Don't go on. I can't pay you any more than the $25 we agreed on.

I was gonna say it's getting a little thick around here,

Not that Mary Jo isn't a perfectly lovely person.

[CHUCKLES] Well, thank you. Her mother and I always thought so.

We'll just have a little tea, and then I'll take you by the house,

And J.D.'s gonna pick us up around 7:00 p.m.

That'll be fine, and then the four of us can go to dinner.

What four of us?

Well, you, this J.D. person, and me and my date.

Dad, who's your date?

Well, I was kind of hoping it'd be

Charlene.

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ I can really move ♪

♪ Do you love me? ♪

♪ I'm in the groove ♪

♪ Do you love me?

♪ Now that I ♪

♪ Can dance... ♪

I can't believe my dad knows how to dance like this.

I mean, he used to dance with me before the prom,

and he wasn't even good at the two-step.

J.D.: He probably didn't try too hard.

I'm sure you dance with your daughter differently than you do with a date.

J.D., Charlene is not daddy's date. [SCOFFS]

She's... like a chaperon.

[ BREAK IT TO ME GENTLY PLAYING]

Well, she looks like she's chaperoning him pretty good right now.

Well, I'm glad they stopped that fast stuff.

Daddy's not used to that. He could have a heart attack.

He doesn't look like he's going to have a heart attack.

J.D., would you stop saying what everybody looks like?

I can see he's having a nice time.

Why does that bother you so much? It doesn't.

I don't know, I guess I'm just not used to seeing my dad on a date.

I mean, being chaperoned.

Charlene, you know, you remind me of a girl I knew

at the end of the war.

You're joking. You mean the big one, WWII?

That's the one.

[GASPS] Oh, I just love that war.

Ah, no, I mean, I'm sorry it had to happen

and all that, but I think that was the last time

men and women were real romantic.

All those men going off to battle.

I know, if I'd been around then,

I'd have been the cheapest woman alive.

[BOTH LAUGH] I doubt that.

No, it's true. I have a weakness for uniforms.

So, what was this girl like?

Well, everything about her was pretty,

just like you.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

I used to buy her orchids on the black market.

She had legs that went on forever,

and she was kind. She was very kind, too.

Were you wounded?

Yes, everyone else in the battalion was killed.

I was the youngest one. I lied about my age.

I bet you got the purple heart, didn't you?

Mary Jo doesn't even know about that.

You never told her?

It never came up,

but I'm not here to tell war stories.

I just want to say that I'm having a better time

than a fellow like me ought to have. [CHUCKLES]

And if you get tired of waltzing this old geezer,

around the dance floor, you just return me to my chair.

Not a chance.

[FAST MUSIC PLAYING]

MARY JO: Well, oh, no. I can't believe this.

The man has a steel plate in his leg,

and he's taking up breakdancing.

He'll never be able to get back up.

Okay, he got lucky.

[IT HAD TO BE YOU PLAYING]

Well, Mr. Live and let live,

you call that just having a good time?

Hmm? What... What?

Well, look at 'em. An hour ago they were dancing like normal people.

Now you couldn't get the crack of dawn between them.

You know, Charlene, I don't want this

to sound like a line, or anything,

but did anybody ever tell you

that you dance like an angel?

Mmm. Yeah.

[TANGO PLAYING]

Well, I hate to break up Lawrence Welk

and his lovely little champagne lady,

but J.D., and I would like to call it a night.

Okay, honey.

All right, I'll leave the key under the welcome mat.

Right. Don't wait up.

MARY JO: Where could they be? It's 1:30 in the morning.

Look, Mary Jo, they're probably still dancing or talking

or walking...

Or one of those other words that ends in "ing."

So that's what you're worried about, isn't it?

No.

Not exactly.

It's just that if he lets Charlene

see him in his underwear, I will just kill myself.

Does that make sense?

Mary Jo, honey...

Your dad is a red-blooded all-American male

who just happens to be single.

Now, that is a fact whether he's 20 or 80.

And I don't think that him being your father,

is gonna stop him from doing anything he wants to do from now on.

So, you just gonna have to get used to that.

I know. I'm being selfish and immature.

I wish I'd never called Patty.

It's just going to get her all upset.

You called your sister?

Yeah,

while you were in the kitchen.

Thank goodness she wasn't at home.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Good.

[GRUNTS]

Hello.

Yes, just a minute.

It's Patty.

Hello, Patty.

Thank heaven you called back. Listen...

I think daddy's losing his mind.

This girl that I remind you of, how come you never married her?

Well, that's a long story with a sad ending.

And I think they're trying to kick us out of here.

She died didn't she?

How did you know that?

I don't know. I mean, it's obvious you loved her a lot.

Well, I'll tell you, Charlene, I am a dreamer.

And she was a dreamer.

And that's what attracted me.

I come from a long line of drunken artists

and poets who never do well.

It was a blessing I met Mary Jo's mother

or I would have never gone back to school.

You know, it's crazy I can't explain it, but

I feel so comfortable with you.

I feel like I've known you forever.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I haven't looked in the mirror lately,

but I'll bet I got a big grin on my face and I want to thank you for putting it there.

Thank you. For giving me such a wonderful time.

Thank you. For being such a wonderful friend.

[TABLE DRAGS] Oh, oh I'm so excited.

They're showing Gone with the Wind again, on cable.

Oh, don't you just love that period of history?

Uh, no, actually, my people didn't enjoy

the Civil war all that much.

You know sometimes I wish we could go back

to the way things were then, you know?

People were so polite and gentile.

Anthony, have you ever given any thought

to calling us Ms. Suzanne and Ms. Julia

and Ms. Mary Jo?

No, I can't say that I have.

Morning. JULIA: Charlene...

Oh, Julia, I know. I'm sorry I'm late.

I overslept.

I'm not surprised after what you've been doing.

Why? What have I been doing?

That is between you and your conscience.

All I know is my dad rolled in at 2:00 a.m.

for the third night in a row,

and I could still smell your perfume on him.

Oh, that's 'cause we went dancing again.

I just want to know one thing.

Have you seen him in his underwear?

What? Of course, not. What's gotten into you?

I'll tell you what's gotten into me.

I'm sick and tired of everybody around here

going out with the men in my life.

First, Suzanne gets engaged to my ex-husband.

Now, you're dating my father.

What is the matter with you people?

Is the man shortage so bad

you have to pilfer my drawers?

I mean, there are 400 billion men on earth.

Why do you keep raiding my house?

Uh, I'll just be out back loading up the truck.

Mary Jo, I think you make a very good point.

Mary Jo, I can see you're upset,

but nothing happened between your daddy and me.

We just had a nice time.

Well, that's good, because I know

how easy it is for you to fall in love,

and I just want you to know

that no matter what happens,

I'm not calling you mom.

Well, that's good, too,

'cause I don't want to be your mom.

And if you don't believe me that nothing happened with your daddy,

then, ask him yourself. Good. I will.

Well, I hope next time you come,

you spend a little more time with me.

Mary Jo, I know you're upset

about this thing with Charlene.

No, I... I'm not upset. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I just hope you didn't embarrass me.

Now, how would I have done that?

I don't know why this keeps coming to mind,

but if, for example...

You let her see you in your underwear.

What?

That would embarrass me.

Let me remind you that I am still your daddy,

and whether she did or didn't,

and incidentally, she didn't,

is none of your business.

How about prancing around with a woman half your age

who happens to be my best friend, is that my business?

Now, Mary Jo, it's not as if I've been unfaithful to your mother.

We're divorced. Oh, yes. I know.

Just wave the magic wand

and 32 years out the window.

They're not out the window.

I loved your mother, and she loved me.

We just grew apart.

How can that happen after all that time?

I don't know, baby,

but I do know that the more you love someone,

the longer it takes.

Now you've been mad at me ever since the divorce, haven't you?

How did you know?

Well, you get that look on your face like your mother.

What look?

That look Eleanor Roosevelt used to have

when she came up from the coal mines.

I had just hoped that

The two of you could stick it out

a little bit longer,

like,

forever.

[CHUCKLES] Mary Jo, your mother put up with me

just about as long as she could.

But you're not supposed to get divorced.

You're my parents.

May I remind you that you are also a divorced parent?

But that's

different.

How?

'Cause when you get old, You're supposed to stay put.

I'm sorry.

I know I'm acting like a child...

But the truth is,

that when your parents split up,

it hurts.

I know.

No matter if you're five or fifty.

I know, baby.

[CRYING] I just can't stand thinking about you and mama

throwing away all those years,

just wasting them.

Waste?

Now, Mary Jo...

We loved each other. We had good times,

and we could never say anything about waste

in the same breath that we were looking at you.

I love you so much, Daddy.

I love you, too, baby.

Charlene...

I want to apologize to you for the way I've been acting.

Daddy told me that nothing went on between you two,

and I just want to thank you

for making him happier than I've seen him in years.

Oh, Mary Jo, you don't have to thank me.

He also said to,

"Tell Charlene I'm sending her some black market Orchids".

Whatever that means.

Well, obviously, you do. You sure nothing went on?

I'm sure.

I want you to close your eyes. I have a little present

Just to thank you for being such a good friend. No.

It's my way of saying I'm sorry.

Okay, close your eyes.

Okay, open your eyes.

[GASPS] No!

[LAUGHING] Oh, Mary Jo!

You asked for him. You got him.

The best-looking man left on earth.

Hi. Tom Clarkson.

Hi. Mary Jo...

Hey, when I apologize,

I apologize.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]