Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, don't be silly, Paul. I love opera.

I've always had this fantasy

that Elvis would sing that part of the navy captain in Madame Butterfly.

Okay. Me, too. Bye-bye.

Let me guess-- the new Mr. Wonderful.

No. He's nice. We're just good friends.

He was calling me from an estate sale in Chicago.

Charlene, these figures are disastrous.

I don't understand. When you worked for Hayden,

you always showed a profit.

Well, Julia, Hayden had more money coming in than going out.

Generally, that means a profit.

Well, what am I going to do?

I put every dime that I was bequeathed

by generations of Sugarbakers

into this quicksand of a business.

Old money. Antebellum money.

I've got an investment in this business, too--

New money. Antecharlene money.

Person coming through.

Did Mrs. Wagner finally order some fabrics?

Well...

Sort of.

Is it my imagination, or do I detect

a lack of enthusiasm here?

Julia, Mary Jo's obviously had a hard morning.

She's hauling those heavy books around

and dealing with that horrible Mrs. Wagner.

Let me remind you

that we're depending on Mrs. Wagner's first check

to cover this week's payroll.

But do forgive me, Mary Jo,

and thank you for saving us from chapter 11.

She went with Regency Interiors.

She went with Regency Interiors?

What do you mean she went with Regency Interiors?

I don't know.

I guess things started to go sour when,

in my most diplomatic manner, I suggested that

the chairs that she wanted to order

were perhaps better suited to someone with perhaps,

say, oh, 50 pounds less bulk.

You actually used the word "bulk"?

I guess there's no way to make "bulk"

come out sounding good, is there?

I never heard it in a popular song or anything.

Why did you have to say anything at all?

I had no choice.

I mean, even a 50-pound weight drop

would have only brought her down to a size 26!

And these... these chairs she wanted

were these skinny little things made out of peacock feathers.

All I could picture was the obituary...

"Fat feathered fanny falls through floor."

Some go by drowning, others by plague.

If that's the way Mrs. Wagner chooses to exit this world,

who are we to deny her?

Look, every night at dinner time,

my kids and I tell three things that happened during the day.

Now, being a single parent,

I try to think of something

that will impart a valuable moral lesson.

I'm afraid that telling them that I made a sale

and risked somebody's life might bottom out, morality-wise.

Mary Jo, this is not Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

Couldn't you just tell a few white lies?

Believe me, it's a dying art.

I wouldn't even know how to tell one.

Oh, you all do it all the time unintentionally.

You know, it's like when you're out on a first date with a guy

and he orders a hamburger for dinner

and then he asks you what you want and you say,

"Oh, just make that two."

Even though you're dying for the filet mignon.

But you're afraid your date can't afford it.

But you know deep down inside

you know he's probably really just a cheapskate.

And the whole time you wish you were home watching

Knots Landing, eating a whole package of Double-Stuffed Oreos.

That's kind of a little white lie.

[DOOR OPENS]

Good morning, ladies.

Coffee brewing yet?

My, you're dressed to kill this morning.

Yeah. It's an original Roger de Biarritz.

Pretty foxy, huh?

Honestly, Suzanne, I can't think of one person

who'd even dare to try wearing something like that.

Well, thank you, Julia.

You're welcome, Suzanne.

Now, you see how easy that was?

Suzanne feels good. And what would I gain

by telling her that dress looks like it was chosen

by some color-blind pimp?

Well, it was another incredible, tempestuous night.

Will the male species never cease to be fascinated by me?

Maybe you should incorporate, Suzanne...

Sell off shares.

Are penny stocks still on the market?

Will you apologize for that comment

if I tell you I got us another account?

Yes. Who's the new client?

His name is Bo Mastrick.

I met him on the golf course.

We birdied together.

It's a good thing you got something going

'cause we lost Mrs. Wagner.

What? Who lost the account, anyway?

Suzanne... Did I tell you how interesting

you look in that dress?

Really? Maybe I should get this in more colors, huh?

Should we drop contracts for this Mastrick project?

No, not yet. We still have to go over the plans with his wife.

He has a wife?

Believe me, I didn't know till the third margarita.

What is it about me

that attracts every man with a pulse?

You give green stamps?

I'd better warn you about something, Mary Jo.

I'm afraid Bo's the worst thing a man can be.

He's...

Well, I think he's...

What?

A mass murderer? What?

Worse.

He's cheap.

That's it.

I'll just tell the kids that I'm a failure

as soon as we finish our peach cobbler.

I knew the Mastricks would be impossible.

She wants Chippendale, Rococo,

Louis XIV.

He wants early motel.

And $12,500 is the most Mr. Mastrick will spend.

That is his absolute, outermost limit.

Well, 30% commission will pull us through.

Are you kidding?

12.5 for three rooms of period pieces?

We'd have to assemble it ourselves from a kit.

You know, maybe I can ask my friend Paul to help us.

He travels all over the country and goes to big estate sales.

Bet he could get us plenty of stuff way below decorators' discount.

That would be wonderful.

Charlene, do you really think he could?

You know, your judgment in men

isn't exactly, shall we say,

State of the art.

Okay, I'll admit I've had a run of bad luck

in the men department in the last five or six years.

But I've been watching Phil Donahue, and I've realized now

that my pattern is self-destructive.

I mean, the tiger can change its spots.

Julia, if you'd rather sell some stocks

or maybe your diamond ring--

On the other hand, I see no reason

not to try every possible alternative.

I still don't understand

why your friend Paul had to make this appointment at 10 P.M.

Like I said, Paul's a very important businessman.

He's flying in from Chicago from that big estate sale

as a personal favor to me.

Okay, ladies. I finally got a couple of my people

and an extra van to load that stuff at the warehouse.

You're sure they've had experience moving things?

Moving large objects quickly was their previous occupation.

And they're good drivers?

Very experienced and real fast.

Once that van is loaded, they take off.

We wouldn't them to take any more time than they have to since

I presume they'll charge time and a half.

Oh, no. They're used to working nights.

Could these assistants be friends from your prison days?

Yes, I did make their acquaintance

during my unfortunate incarceration.

But I assure you ladies that these gentlemen

are of the same high caliber as the unjustly accused

who stands before you now.

Just make sure you're on time.

Service is our most important product.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Hi. Hi.

You look wonderful. Do I?

The best. Mmm.

Oh, where are my manners?

Paul, I want you to meet Mary Jo...

And that's Julia, and that's Suzanne.

I feel like we're already old friends.

Charlene thinks the world of you.

Charlene loves everybody.

We'd better go see

if there's anything in my friend's warehouse

that interests you.

He's a doll.

I could really go for him.

Well, he meets all your requirements.

He's breathing.

I bet he's got some great stuff.

If this merchandise is any good,

I'll eat my shoe.

About that shoe, Julia,

I hope that includes the heel.

Oh, my gosh.

The agent assures me it's real quality merchandise.

It's a distress sale.

Some Arab sheik's having problems since oil prices dropped.

Thank you.

Mary Jo, you having a religious experience?

Back in '74, when I was sitting

In one of those endless gas lines,

I prayed then that someday, somehow,

It would all even out.

This is from only one of the Sheik's 26 mansions.

It's hard to believe that all this stuff

is for sale at bargain prices.

Why you always have to look

a gift horse in the mouth?

Because if you look one in the rear,

they usually kick you.

Hepplewhite chairs with shield-back design.

Nice touch.

Tax included, comes to $13,542.

Charlene told me you're on kind of a tight budget.

Let's just make it $10,000 even.

We couldn't let you do that.

If you're happy, it's worth it.

I assume you'll take a check.

You're like family.

I've got another estate sale tomorrow in Chicago.

I just have enough time to catch the redeye.

Otherwise, I'd help you load.

Oh, that's all right. We have help outside.

It was great meeting you.

Thank you.

Thanks. Take good care of my girl here.

I'll call you when I get back, Charlene.

Mastricks are just going to drop

when they see all of this!

Okay, everybody grab a few things.

But Anthony hired those movers.

Who are being paid by the hour, Suzanne.

I'm not asking you to lift an armoire,

just a few vases.

Oh!

I've chipped a nail.

These hands were just not designed for manual labor.

It's times like these, I could just kill Gloria Steinem.

Charlene, can you get the door? Sure.

POLICEMAN: Freeze!

You're all under arrest.

"You have the right to remain silent.

"Anything you say can and will be used against you

in a court of law."

Excuse me. Is there someplace where I can freshen up?

See, my mascara's smudged.

Aw, I'm afraid not.

We're installing a tanning machine in the ladies' lounge.

This is something that just drives me crazy.

I mean, this make-up specialist swears up and down

that you have to get the most expensive brand

because it's so much better than the others. So you buy it.

And it turns out it's no better than that $1.98 stuff

you can get at the supermarket.

Suzanne, those pictures they just took weren't for Harper's Bazaar.

Wish they'd bring Julia in here.

She shouldn't have argued.

They could put her in solitary,

maybe even a big sweat box.

Mary Jo, this is a city jail.

I don't think they got a sweat box.

I'm reporting every constitutional right you have violated.

I am seriously involved with Reese Watson, the attorney.

The press calls him the Clarence Darrow of Atlanta.

When he finishes suing this place,

you'll be lucky to get a job assisting the tidy-bowl man.

Will you shut your mouth? You're driving me crazy.

One more word, and we'll do a full body search.

I beg your pardon.

You heard me.

Listen very carefully.

If any person dares to violate

one orifice on this body,

she will be eating her teeth for breakfast.

I do indeed appear to be the picture of southern gentility,

but when I get riled,

I make Rambo look like little Mary Sunshine.

Am I making myself crystal clear?

I want y'all to know this is a big mistake.

Just a big, huge, ugly, fat mistake.

Paul will get us out of here.

JULIA: Charlene.

Paul is the owner of a warehouse of stolen goods.

What am I going to tell my kids?

What will I say,

that mommy visited a pretty place with iron bars?

It's only jail-- one night.

Only... Jail?

I don't know anybody besides Anthony

who's ever been in jail before.

Yeah, you do.

Who?

Me.

I don't believe that.

No, no, I was in high school, Beth Ann Monski--

This new girl in town

all the popular girls treated like dirt

'cause she didn't have fancy clothes.

I decided to be her one-person welcome wagon.

And we got picked up for shoplifting.

It seems that Beth Ann

wasn't life's most honest person,

and she had $600 worth of mood rings on her.

I got kicked off the cheerleading squad.

I got stripped of my pompons.

But I held my head high.

I was an innocent victim of circumstantial evidence...

Like us.

And Paul.

I can't imagine what's keeping Reese.

Suzanne, you told him it was urgent, right?

I didn't speak to Reese.

Then you still have your one phone call left.

Well, no. Actually, I called to cancel

my 11:00 body wave appointment.

You mean you used your one allotted call

to phone the beauty parlor?

You don't just not show up

for a Mr. Picard body wave!

He might never take me again.

Anyway, I didn't think they'd count that call

because I used my credit card.

And I was going to use their dime to call Reese, but--

Well, he's your boyfriend. Why don't you call him?

Because I had to stop that $10,000 check.

Your friend Paul will be at the bank

first thing in the morning.

I called home...

Told the babysitter to tell the kids

I got tied up...

Redecorating some government buildings.

There.

It's kind of true.

I think you're definitely ready

for white-lie grad school.

By the way, I called Anthony

and told him to call Reese.

I've no intention of us rotting in here.

Your attorney's here to see you.

Thank goodness.

In here, Mr. Watson.

Thank you, madam guard.

Ah, my poor clients.

What a miscarriage of justice.

We'll have you innocents out of here shortly.

Anthony, what on earth are you doing here?

Breaking into a rash, that's what.

Believe me, it is not my general practice

to voluntarily walk into a room with iron bars.

Where's Reese?

I don't know where that dude is.

I left six messages on his machine.

You can get a serious hearing impairment listening to those beeps.

I can't believe you said you were Reese Watson.

All I said to that chief is that I was here to help with your defense.

He said, "you must be the big-shot esquire."

I don't usually correct anyone with a badge and .38.

You saw the police lead us from that warehouse

with those handcuffs?

My associates and I didn't stay around to witness that event.

As soon as we saw the men in blue,

we hotfooted it out of there.

I want to apologize. It was an involuntary reaction,

and I'm deeply ashamed and remorseful.

That's all right. We understand.

I want you to know

my favorite bail bondsman is working on this,

and I believe we can expedite

this whole unfortunate incarceration thing real soon.

There seems to be another Reese Watson waiting downstairs.

Ah. That must be dad.

I'm a junior.

Mom was of a darker skin persuasion than dad.

That's the new liberal south for ya.

All right, all right, ladies, you are free to go.

Clarence Darrow's posted your bail.

Oh, they located your partner.

Who, Paul?

Mm-hmm.

That will end this misunderstanding. Where is he?

Cook County jail. Chicago.

The bozo's got a rap sheet longer than the Mississippi.

They're bringing him back tonight.

All right, ladies. This suite's opening up.

[RING]

[RING]

Sugarbakers'.

No, thank you, I would not like to have my face rearranged.

That was him again?

I don't know about you, Julia, but having my life threatened three times a day

is beginning to wear on my nerves.

It'll all be over after we testify tomorrow.

Mary Jo, what are you doing?

Trying to avoid ricocheting bullets.

JULIA: We are perfectly safe.

We have police protection out there.

Oh?

Then how come

we never see that police protection?

They're in unmarked cars so they don't blow their cover.

What's the big secret?

Let's put a neon sign over the front door

that says, "Freeze. You're surrounded."

Hi, everybody.

What's the matter?

We got another of those calls.

Oh. Well, you know, I mentioned those calls to Paul

when I went to visit him in jail,

and he said his friend's just a big practical joker.

He was probably just kidding.

Well, he sure doesn't sound like Jay Leno

when he says we're dead meat if we testify.

Well... He doesn't mean... Dead dead.

That's just a turn of phrase.

Little upset about the fact

that we're going to testify about what happened.

It does kind of make Paul sound guilty.

Doesn't that tell you something?

All I know is I can't testify against a friend.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

I'll get it.

Come in, Detective Delaney.

Just wanted you to know that they couldn't get another postponement,

so the trial's definitely on for tomorrow.

I want you to know how proud I am,

you doing your civic duty

without the slightest regard for your own personal safety.

Our own personal safety?

Don't worry. We haven't had a witness problem

in years.

The few men I have are more than enough

to give you first-rate protection.

Well, I'll be seeing you ladies tomorrow.

That's it!

My babies could be orphans.

I'm not testifying.

Count me out.

We're talking about the possible destruction

of my perfect high cheek bones.

I'm not jeopardizing my meal ticket.

Are you going to let lowlife scum

intimidate you out of doing the morally right thing?

Uh-huh.

Me, too.

Fine.

I'll go solo.

At least there's one person here

who has the courage to stand up

for our legal justice system.

And we salute you for it, Julia.

I think joining weight watchers

is a positive step, Mrs. Wagner.

Mary Jo's going to be happy to hear

that she was instrumental in that decision.

[LAUGHS] Definitely no more peacock tails. Yes.

And I will be dropping by

to pick up that $3,000 deposit later today.

Mm-hmm. Bye-bye.

Okay.

They didn't come.

Who cares?

I'm perfectly capable of doing this myself.

I never know what to wear to court.

I asked the saleslady to give me something

truthful-and- courageous-looking in a pastel.

And she did.

Thank you.

Well, we do have the same mother, after all.

It's beginning to show.

Oh!

Thank heaven you're still here.

Are you testifying?

As I said to my kids at breakfast this morning--

Ask not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country.

I always had this enormous crush on John Kennedy.

Um, Detective Delaney will be right in for us.

Are you going to testify, too?

Yeah. I've been thinking about everything you said,

and my place is with my friends.

You can always find a man,

but good friends, them you don't let down. Mmm.

Together we stand.

And I want you to know that my decision had nothing to do

with the call from Paul's lawyer.

Paul's lawyer called you?

Yeah. He said if we agreed not to testify,

Paul wouldn't name us as accomplices.

I had the D.A. tell Paul's lawyer

what he could do with his little deal.

Oh, Char, you must be so upset.

Well, disappointments happen, and I can roll with it.

Not everybody turns out to be prince charming.

[HORN HONKS]

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of all of us.

Okay, Let's go fry the sucker.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]