All language subtitles for Designing.Women.1993.S01E14.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.H264.AAC-PTerWEB_track3_[eng]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

So... There I was
seated on the dais

Three seats from
Andrew Young.

So I have to
act interested,

Even though I'm bored
positively just out of my skull.

I mean it's no big deal
for me to be three seats from the mayor.

I've had dinner
at the White House,

thank you very much.
[GASPS]

I don't believe it!
What?

This letter from my Mama.

My Aunt Liz
been researching our family tree.

And there's a chance
we might be related to Loretta Lynn.

You know what
that means?

You're going to have to
start cooking with Crisco?

No, silly. But if I ever
go to Nashville,

I can probably
go see the Grand Ole Opry for free.

Oh, I think Loretta
Lynn's so adorable.

And she's so true to Doo,
even though he's a little bit fat.

You'd be fat, too,

if you ate nothing
but pie crust.

Excuse me, but I believe
I was in the middle of a scintillating story

when I was rudely
interrupted for a hillbilly bulletin.

Trust me, Suzanne.
That story was not scintillating.

I'd expect something
like that from Julia,

but you're sure
in a nasty mood today.

I know.

I don't why.
I guess it's Quint.

All of a sudden,
he's decided that my opinion

is just completely worthless.

What makes you think that?

'Cause every time
I say something, he rolls his eyes up

and hits himself
in the head like this...

Which either means,
"I could have had a V-8,"

or "I could've
had a mother

"who's not the stupidest
woman left on earth."

Oh, c'mon, Mary Jo,
all kids go through that know-it-all stage.

Oh, no!
This is more than a know-it-all stage.

He's just
completely obnoxious.

Last week
the teacher told me

that he'd been passing out
fruit roll-ups at recess

to certain little girls,

And then demanding
that they go steady

with him and his friend.

Go steady?

How old is Quint?

Six.

My son is a 6-year-old
grade school pimp.

Well, now, you know
You should take my advice on children.

Now, once
they're housebroken,

They go straight off
to military school.

And then if they
make good grades,

They can come home
when they're 21

providing they don't
play their stereo too loud.

That's very good, Suzanne.

I can tell
you've got a lot of insight into this.

After all, she's raised
three parakeets,

and not one of them's
ever gotten into trouble.

I can tell you
from experience

having raised
a son myself

that it pays
in the long run

to be a little tough,

even when they're
just six years old.

I completely
agree with you.

That's why last night
I sat Quint down

and said, "Look,
I don't care what your friends at school call you.

"I'm your mother,

"and I don't have to
refer to you as The Slickster."

[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Mary Jo, could you get that for me please?

Sugarbaker's.

Yes, she is.
Can I say who's calling?

Mm-hmm.
Charlene, it's for you. Monica Marlin?

Monica Marlin?

I don't know
any Monica Marlin.

Hello.

Yes, this is she.

Of course
I remember you.

Uh, well, gosh, yes,
it sure has been a long time.

Just exactly how long
has it been?

That long!

Wow, what do you
know about that?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
Is this who I think it is?

Monette? Monette Marlin?

Oh, this is incredible!
I can't believe it.

You know your mama wrote
from Pensacola

and said you'd moved
to St. Louis.

When'd you move here?

How'd you know
where to find me?

[CHUCKLES]
You're kidding. Oh, yes, I know that house.

It's a great old house.

You want us to redo it?

Oh, Monette, this is great.
Now, I'm the Office Manager,

But I have to be
in on this one. When are you free?

Sure, this afternoon's fine.
How about two o'clock?

Oh, that's great.
All right Monette, I'll see you then.

Bye-bye.

You will never
in a million years

guess who that was.

Monette Marlin.

You went to
high school together.

She moved to St. Louis.

Now her parents have
moved to Florida.

She just moved to Atlanta,
changed her name to Monica,

bought an old house,
and wants us to redecorate it.

That's uncanny.
How'd you do that?

She's psychic.

Oh, you guys.

Now we're both
from Poplar Bluff.

I always looked up to her.

She was older than me
and everything I wanted to be.

You know, she was
kind of sexy and aloof.

She was the only cheerleader
who wasn't bouncing around

all the time,
you know what I mean?

I mean she was cool,
you know?

She had this
kind of quiet pep.

An incredible combination.

Well, Monette felt a
sort of bond with me

'cause all the other
cheerleaders had rich daddies.

Our families didn't
have very much money.

Also, I think
she felt sorry for me

because I had a
crooked cartwheel.

Well, I've always said
you can survive being poor,

but if your cartwheel is off...

No, I mean it! I never
would have made the squad

if it hadn't been for her.

Wonderful story.

Now I don't mean to
sound unsentimental,

but does Monette
have money now?

Well, she must have.
She's bought the Chadwick House.

Not bad.

That is a huge old house.

Well, it's not that big.

I mean,
it's not as big as, say,

well, my house.

That's true, Suzanne.

It's also not as big as
the Empire State Building

or the
Grand Canyon,

but we're not redoing
either one of those.

This is so exciting.

This could be
our biggest job yet.

Plus I get to see Monette.

Now, you guys,
why don't y'all grab some lunch.

I'm gonna go home
and change my clothes. I'll meet you there.

Change your clothes?
What for?

Well, I just want to look
a little more...

successful.

Um, what do you think
I should wear?

Well, for starters,

both those black sweaters
of yours are too tight for ya.

And all your skirts
are too short.

And as long as
we're on the subject,

I certainly wouldn't come

in that purple caftan
with the hood.

Just makes you look
like a shepherd.

Thank you, Suzanne.

I was just asking
for a suggestion,

not a complete
glamour makeover.

Bye.

Wait!
Too late.

I know.

Now she's probably
going to show up

wearing those "Hands
Across America" earrings.

So that's basically
the house.

I think you'll find me
very easy to work with.

Just remember
I hate red.

Other than that,
you can do anything you want.

Well, there's certainly
a lot of rooms here.

Have you thought
about a budget?

Not exactly.

I'd like to keep it
somewhere between $100 and $150,000.

Oh.

Well, I...

I think we
can handle that.

I wonder what on earth
is keeping Charlene.

She was so excited
to see you again. [DOOR OPENS]

She is right here.

Charlene!
Monette!

Monica!
Oh, whatever!

You look wonderful!

Oh, thank you.
So do you.

I can't believe
I had a flat tire on the way here.

I've never
had a flat tire in my whole life.

I had to run
the last ten blocks.

You sweet thing!
Don't you all just love her?

We do.

She's always had
the best heart of anyone I know.

She just had
one fault,

And that's picking
the wrong men.

Tell me,
has she gotten any better?

ALL: No.

Thank y'all lots.

You know
she was the only girl at our prom

whose date didn't
wear a shirt.

Why does this
not surprise me?

Ernie Richardson.

Oh, what a juvenile
delinquent he was.

Whatever happened
to him?

He's the president
of a bank in Memphis.

Really, how do you know?

'Cause I dated a guy
who robbed it.

[GIGGLES]

Is she wonderful
or what?

She is.

C'mon, I want to show you
the rest of the house. They've already seen it.

Make yourselves
at home.

MAY JO: Thank you.

Well, what
do you think?

Well, she doesn't
seem all that sexy and aloof to me.

I was talking
about the house.

[SIGHS]
Seems sort of drafty.

It's old.

It's huge!

It's 100...

To $150,000.

Excuse me for
one moment, please.

[INAUDIBLE SCREAM]

Thank you.
I just had to get that out of my system.

It's incredible,
isn't it?

And the best part is,

We didn't even
have to try for this job.

It sort of fell
into our laps.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, excuse me, ladies.

Is, uh, Monica here?

No, she's upstairs
with someone.

She'll be down
in a minute.

All right.
Thank you.

I sure would love
to see this room

in something like, uh...

Apricot.

Hmm.
Teal accents.

Oh, that'd be
gorgeous.

JULIA: Gorgeous.
Big bronze sculptures.

She's got an awful
lot of pretty things that we could use.

What d'you think
we should bleach... What's with this guy?

I don't know.
Let's keep talking.

Maybe he'll go away.

Excuse me for
interrupting your conversation again,

but I was
just wondering

if I was to
ask for you specifically,

would I get you?

I have no idea
what you're talking about,

but somehow I feel
absolutely safe

in saying
the answer is no.

Why, I'm sorry.
I thought you worked for Monica.

Well, we do,

but we kind of
just started.

Oh?

What do you mean,
"Work for Monica"?

I mean, uh...

You know.

You mean...

That's right.

Are you saying
that this is a...

And M-Monica is a...

That's the way it worked
when I was here last week.

No wonder she has
so many bedrooms.

I was trying
to convince myself

it was an orphanage.

Wait a minute.

I get it.

It's a joke, isn't it?
I mean it's like Candid Camera's...

[GASPS]

I heard they were
bringing it back into syndication.

I bet that's what it is!
They could be right here in Atlanta!

That's what it is,
isn't it?

We're on Candid Camera!

I don't know, honey,
but if that's true,

I'm in a lot more
trouble than you are.

CHARLENE: That was
so much fun. We talked about things

I hadn't
thought about in years...

Like that
pink jackass story.

Monette and I stole it
because our school mascot was the mule.

We were the
Poplar Bluff mules.

Did I ever tell y'all
that story?

Yeah, you told us.

I mean, nobody believes
I knew a pink jackass.

bit, it's true
It's one of those quirks of nature.

Charlene, sit down.

We want to
talk to you about Monette.

Oh, no! I don't like
the sound of that.

Every time you say,
"Charlene, sit down,"

It's bad news.
now, just tell me standing up.

What is it?
What? What? Monette's a man.

MARY JO: No.

But we have reason
to believe

she's practicing the
world's oldest profession.

Monette's a carpenter?

Charlene,
Monette's a madam.

You mean like...

Like in prostitute?

It looks
that way.

I can't believe
y'all think such a thing.

Charlene, while you
were upstairs with her,

two different men
tried to purchase Julia.

And that just shows
the type of clientele she has right there.

What is that
supposed to mean?

It means her operation
is probably over the hill.

I mean clients
usually want much younger stuff.

Stuff?

You know what I mean.

Now, I'm not trying
to be unkind, Julia,

but I don't think
there's too many women

cutting it in
your age bracket.

Well, that may be,
Suzanne,

but I didn't notice
anybody knocking down the door

to get
a crack at you.

I... I probably
intimidated them.

As my ex-husband
Dash Garth the writer used to say,

"There are some mountains
so majestic..."

"Even brave men
dare not approach."

Well, then,
I guess nobody

felt like
climbing you.

Okay!

Can we stop?

That is not the point.

The point is,
Charlene...

I know this is
so difficult for you to accept.

I just want you to know
that we're here for you. And we care.

But in the meantime,

no way am I decorating
a 19-room whorehouse

for some
two-bit floozy

who just blew in
from St. Louis.

Julia!
No, I mean it.

Not even for $100,000.

I will decorate
a greenhouse, a henhouse,

A doghouse.

I will even
decorate an outhouse,

but I will not
decorate a whorehouse.

There must be
some mistake. I mean,

she told me herself
she had a bunch of roommates coming in.

Oh, c'mon.
How many women her age

do you know living
with a bunch of roommates?

Charlene, What did
she tell you she does for a living?

She's in marketing
and public relations.

Well, that's close.

That doesn't make any sense.

I mean,
Monette and I sat next to each other

in vacation Bible school.

Look, we all have heroes
that disappoint us.

It's just a fact of life.

I used to be wild
over Anita Bryant.

I wanted to walk like her,
talk like her,

I even wanted
to have her hair.

You do have her hair.

Thank you.

But then she got off
on that homosexual thing.

It just kind of
turned me off, you know?

I mean she became
obsessed with it

and stopped showing up
at pageants,

and for what?

I mean,
it wasn't like she was some homely girl

who had to worry about
all the homosexuals

stealing all
the good-looking men or anything like that.

And you know,

the last time I saw her,

even her hair
looked sort of deflated.

What's your point?

I forgot.
What was the question? Suzanne!

The question is,

can we afford
to turn down a $100-150,000 job?

Now when you get
right down to it,

we can't control
what goes on

in any of the bedrooms
we've done. I mean,

for all we know!

There could be
an orgy going on right now

in one of our bedrooms,

Hordes of naked people

swinging from
one of our antique light fixtures.

Writhing masses
of unclad bodies

wallowing on our
custom-made chintz pillows...

You've been watching
cable tv again, haven't you?

I have not.

Well...

There's no point
in going on with this argument

until we find out
for positive sure

that Monette does
what you think she does.

How do you propose
we find out?

We're going to ask her.

I was going
to tell you, Charlene.

I was waiting till
we got little better reacquainted.

Reacquainted?

As far as
I'm concerned, Monette,

you are a completely
different person

than the person
I grew up with.

I'm the same person, Charlene.

I just happen to do
something for a living you don't approve of.

Frankly,
I don't need your approval.

I never did.

I know that!

Don't tell me
you haven't changed!

I mean,
we didn't even do it with anybody

in high school,
we made a pact

to save ourselves
till marriage.

Now, d'you remember
at the drive-in?

You wanted me
to think

You were making it
with Dennis Dobner in the backseat.

You guys were
rocking the car back and forth.

And I wouldn't turn around
'cause I knew you were trying to get me.

I mean You were doing it
with Dennis in the back seat at the drive-in?

I don't believe it!

He wasn't the first.

Who was?
Herthel Welker.

Herthel Welker?

That's right.

There was
Billy Joe Parkson,

Donny Jones, Danny Hogg,
the Green brothers...

Bruce and Don?
No.

Goose and Bill.
Bruce and Don were in the army.

Anyway, George McCall,
Snooky Dunne...

Snooky Dunne?
I thought he was going with Randa?

He did. But she
was doing it with Bob Belford.

Randa was, too?

Charlene, we're talking
about a small town with one movie.

C'mon,
The Ghost of Mr. Chicken was held over for six weeks.

Everybody was
doing it but you.

But Randa was in
on our pact.

I know.

You're the only one
who kept the pact

and saved herself
for marriage.

Now you're the only one
who never married.

Life's funny, isn't it?

Yeah. Life's a riot, Monette.

Why are you telling me
all this stuff?

'Cause you asked.

Look, Charlene,

I know you want
some sort of explanation

about why I do this
for a living,

like I was
sexually abused as a child

or my husband
left me.

But that isn't
the case.

it's true I had too many
kids in my family. So did you.

But, you got
a lot of love.

We got a lot
of the back of my Daddy's hand.

I probably started out
looking for a little affection,

But when I figured out

I could make
a great living working my own hours

and have a place
like this,

well, it was too hard
to turn down, so I didn't.

And I'm very proud
of how well I've done.

As a matter of fact,

I was just elected
Executive Secretary of my union

at our international
convention in Copenhagen.

Well, congratulations.
Isn't that something?

Wait a minute.
You mean prostitutes are unionized?

We certainly are.
And for the record,

I prefer to be called
a love consultant.

Look, this isn't
any of my business.

As far as I'm concerned
you can call yourself

The Princess
of Whoopee,

But you're still
a hooker. Julia!

Well, I can't
help it. It's the truth.

While I agree
with your right to control your body,

I can't help
but be angry at women like you,

because you diminish
the rest of us.

I'm sorry
I don't know what you mean.

I mean It's the same kind
of anger that I feel when I walk past a newsstand

and see a tabloid
with a nude woman on the cover,

wearing a dog collar,
standing next to a man with a whip.

And I think to myself,
"That woman is a member of my sex."

Suddenly my face feels hot,

and I feel embarrassed
to be a woman.

and I feel angry
because I know

that if that were
a black man in a dog collar,

with a white man whipping him,

That picture
would not be allowed

on a public sidewalk.

I'm afraid,
I don't get the connection.

The connection is,
by choosing to be a prostitute,

you perpetuate
that image of woman as victim,

exploited, dependent,
abused, a...

Slave.

If you will.

And you embarrass me in 1987,

just the way a slave would
embarrass a black person.

A slave?

You must be joking.

I make
very good money for what I do.

Yes, you do.

But it's the rest of us
who have to pay for it.

SUZANNE: Well,
if you ask me,

what you're doing
is economically stupid.

I didn't ask.
Anyway, I find that a little incredible

since you don't know
how much I make.

You don't make
half as much as me.

And I can guarantee it.

Three ex-husbands.

The way I see it,

marriage is much
more profitable.

To me, it's like
buying a new car.

See. First of all,
you people don't even have a contract.

Then you only
charge the guy

according to how much
he drives it.

Now, if you marry him,
he has to pay for the entire vehicle

whether he ever
drives it again or not.

And alimony ensures
that he will make those payments

even if he wants
to get a newer model.

Believe me, I have
lifetime security,

and you're just
flying through the air without a net.

This is
your sister, right?

Yes. She
diminishes us, too.

But her I can
deal with.

What is it that
you ladies do for men

that's kept them
coming back for centuries?

Well, you're not going
to believe this,

but a lot of my time
is spent in just talking and listening.

Isn't that incredible?

And I know all these men

who just fall asleep
on the couch every night

while their wives
climb the walls from boredom.

And then they go out
and pay somebody to hear them talk.

Fascinating, isn't it?

Well, I'd love to continue
this little tete-a-tete,

but I do
have an appointment.

Perhaps sometime
we could get together

on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

Well, while we're being
perfectly candid,

may I give my final
impression of you?

Gee, I'd hate to be the one
who tried to stop you.

I just want
to say that,

I don't think
you're half as pleased with your life

as you pretend.
As a matter of fact,

I think you're getting ready
to get out of the hooker business.

Is that so?
Yup.

You're a bright,
capable person.

I've been
pretty insulting,

and you haven't
put forth much of an argument

defending yourself.
Also, you got in touch with Charlene

after you haven't
seen her for 12 years.

I think you're
testing the water.

You know, you're
kind of obnoxious...

But we could
probably be friends.

Maybe in some sort
of lifeboat situation.

But, just 'cause
we're not decorating your house

doesn't mean
we couldn't have lunch sometime.

And that goes
ditto for me.

I have to
check my book.

Come on, you guys.
She's my friend.

now, Monette.
I'm gonna tell you straight out.

I don't want you
to do this for a living.

Do your parents know
you do this for a living?

Charlene, my parents
don't even know I smoke.

You smoke, too!

Monette, that is
so bad for you.

I don't wanna
give up everything at once.

I have to keep
at least one vice.

Now, we both come
from the same place,

and I know Monette,
and I love her,

but I don't know
this Monica person.

This is going to sound
kind of corny,

But we could put
all the expensive designer wallpaper

in the world
in this house,

and it still
wouldn't make your life as beautiful

as having a man
who loves you

and who'll
take care of you

when you're old
and when you're sick.

You know, and friends
who respect you.

Well, that's
the bottom line.

I just want you to promise me
you'll think about that.

I've been thinking.

You have?

Yes.

You know, for somebody

who's over 30
and single,

you're awfully naive
and romantic.

Oh, yeah, I'll
never give up.

My prince is
out there somewhere.

He's probably
being held hostage

in some
foreign prison.

Take care of yourself.
I will. You call me.

Oh.
Excuse me.

Sorry, Monica.
Am I on time?

No, you're late.
Can't you see she's smoking?

We'll work on
that one later.

Well...

You don't look
too busy.

Finally.

A man with some taste.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]