All language subtitles for Designing.Women.1993.S01E10.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.H264.AAC-PTerWEB_track3_[eng]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you, Mrs. Gibson.
And if that lamp doesn't work,

Don't hesitate
to bring it back.

And the four of us
will stomp your face in.

Julia, you ought
to take something for that cold.

I've taken everything,
Charlene.

The only thing left
is to have my nose amputated.

Hey, you want to see
something interesting?

Not right now.

Come on.
It'll just take a minute.

I'm not saying
I believe this,

But take a look
at this picture

of the Ayatollah
Khomeini.

Take away the beard,
the bathrobe, and the big hat.

Who do you got?

Eddie Cantor.

No, silly.
Howard Hughes.

What about
Howard Hughes?

Amazing.
Mention a billionaire

and her entire body
goes on point.

Suzanne, take a look
at this picture

of the Ayatollah Khomeini.
Can't you see Howard Hughes?

Is this one
of those games

like he's hidden
in here somewhere?

Oh, never mind.
I'm sorry I brought it up.

All I know is nobody's
seen Howard Hughes since he died.

I find it more
than a little strange

they cropped
this picture off at the ankles.

So?

So maybe they don't want you
to see the Kleenex boxes on his feet.

Wouldn't say
I believed it.

What I want to know is
with a face like that,

where does this
Khomeini guy get off

making all those women
over there wear veils?

Wearing veils
is nothing.

They also stone women
to death for having illicit affairs.

You're joking.

No, I am not.
It was on the news.

Don't worry, Suzanne.
They'll never do it in this country.

There aren't enough
gravel pits.

Ooh, I'm sorry. I didn't
even know you were having an illicit affair,

this week.

I'm not.

I'm just a little bit
nervous because

Consuela put a curse
on me.

Consuela? As in
your maid Consuela?

There is only
one Consuela.

Only she wants
to be called Connie now.

She's getting
all Americanized.

She wears my clothes,
plays my records.

This morning
when I woke up, she was bathing in my tub,

talking on the phone
long distance.

Well, Suzanne,
that is absolutely outrageous.

Why do you tolerate
this kind of behavior?

Because I'm afraid of her.

She's got
all these little dolls,

and they have these pins
stuck in them.

You mean
she's into voodoo?

Yeah, and she's been
threatening me.

What kind of threats?

Things like if I
don't let her use my electric razor,

I'll end up
living with hobos

and begging them
to lance the boils on my back.

Pretty nasty threat.

That's nothing.
This morning, we had a big fight.

I said there was
a slight possibility

I might have to fire her

because I didn't want
to make her mad.

But she got mad anyway,

and she said I'd be dead
by midnight tonight.

Why tonight?

I don't know, Julia.
I guess she figures the sooner the better.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the phone.
I'm going to call her up

and relieve you
of her services.

I am certainly not afraid
of a little straight pin.

No, wait.
You can't do that.

Why not?

Because she's pretty good
with this voodoo stuff.

I mean, she put a curse
on that president of Haiti. What's his name?

Baby Doc,
and his wife Michelle.

And now they're living
in Switzerland without any credit cards.

Well that doesn't have
anything to do with voodoo.

Oh, no? Well then how come
she also put a curse on one of my tropical fish,

and this morning,
he was belly up.

What could she possibly have
against a fish?

She got mad because

he wouldn't come over
to the side for tank and rub noses with her.

The woman is nuts.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Mary Jo.

You wouldn't believe
the problems I'm having with this job.

Julia, I just don't know
if I'm the right person.

[WHIMPERS]

What's the matter
with her?

Consuela put
a curse on her.

She's supposed
to be dead by midnight.

Well,

I guess my problems
aren't as bad as I thought.

Why did she put
a curse on you?

Because she doesn't
like me.

Anyway, could we please
just change the subject?

Everybody knows that
putting a curse on somebody is ridiculous and stupid.

But if by some crazy
coincidence I die tonight,

I want you all
to make sure

she does not get through
customs with my hairpieces.

I just know she has them
hidden somewhere,

and it irks me
I can't find them.

If I were you, I'd just worry
about getting through the next 12 hours.

I hate to seem
so insensitive

while Suzanne's life
hangs in the balance,

but I really do
need to talk to you.

Alright, Mary Jo.
What is it?

Hints Westchester.
I am at my wit's end.

I mean, I have done my best
to put together

what I think is
a tasteful bachelor suite,

But he keeps adding
all these exotic things

like a waterfall...

In the shower.

I don't know how
to put a waterfall in the shower.

My mind just doesn't
run along those lines.

I mean, the first time
I saw a bidet,

I thought it was
a drinking fountain for toddlers.

Well, maybe
I could help.

I built one
for my prom.

You had a bidet
at your prom?

No!

A waterfall.

How did you do it?

Well, now that
I think of it,

it was Gerald Saulers
standing on a ladder waving cellophane.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Sugarbaker's.

Oh, hi, Claudia.
It's Charlene.

How are you, sweetheart?
That's great.

Just a second.
Your mama's right here.

Hi, honey,
what you doing?

[GASPS] Oh, no,
not tonight, Claudia.

You promised
you'd remind me about that slumber party.

We don't have any groceries,
the house is a wreck.

Okay, okay, okay.

Just put everything
under the beds and I'll hunt for food.

All right, all right.
See you.

Oh, no. Sorry.

Mason and I are going
to a movie tonight.

Julia. How would you like
to help chaperon

a slumber party
for 14 slovenly, unkept teenagers?

There may be a prize
at the end of the evening.

Sorry, I'm going
to be home draining my sinuses.

Suzanne? Oh, I forgot.
You have an appointment.

You could help
till midnight.

It's just a joke.
Oh, come on, Julia, won't you reconsider?

Remember how much fun
slumber parties used to be?

No. For some reason,

I never enjoyed sleeping
on a hard, cold floor

and waking up to find
my underwear in the refrigerator.

Julia was born old.

All right, Mary Jo,
if it'll help you.

But I warn you,
I won't be good company.

If Julia's going,
then I have to go.

Why is that?

Well, I'm certainly not
going to die alone.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Sugarbaker's.

Oh, hi.

Oh, you're kidding.
You can't make it?

Well, I'm a little
disappointed.

That's okay
I promise.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Me, too.

That, too.
[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

[LAUGHS] Yeah, you.

You big cookie, you.

Charlene!
I'm sorry.

Mason, I have to go.

Julia!

Charlene, does that call
mean that you are now available?

Yeah, Mason has to meet
with a client.

Hooray! We'll just put
the kids in the basement

and have
our own slumber party.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Julia, you hear that?

That sounded just like
the thunder in Psycho

Right before Janet Leigh
got it in the shower.

Come on, Suzanne.

You are completely
overreacting to this thing.

That's easy for you
to say.

You don't have a pin
stuck through your head.

Suzanne, even if Consuela
does have these pins stuck in a doll,

how do you know
that doll is supposed to be you?

Because she has my face
glued on it.

That is a pretty big tip-off.

You know, it is kind of weird
what just happened.

What do you mean?

Oh, man, I just told you
I couldn't come tonight

and then my phone rang.

It was Mason,
cancelling our date.

I mean, it's almost like
somebody wants me to be there.

Maybe Consuela wants witnesses.

Witnesses to what?

Whatever's going to happen.

Oh, gee.
Maybe on second thought

I don't want to have this thing
at my house.

Oh, you people are just
ridiculous.

There is no such thing
as voodoo.

Maybe not, Julia,
but there's some pretty funny things

going on around here.

For example,
it's more than a little strange

that this storm
has suddenly started brewing up

for no good reason.

And here we are
all spending the night together

for the first time
in our lives.

Yeah, and this is the
very first time I've worn this sweater with this skirt.

Whatever.

Anyway, it also
just happens to coincide

with the night
of my appointment.

[HUMS TWILIGHT ZONE THEME]

Oh, stop that!

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[WHIMPERS]

Oh, gee, Suzanne,
I'm sorry about that movie.

If I had known it had zombies
and shrunken heads in it,

I never would have
started watching it.

Once I get started,
I just can't stop.

What time is it?

11:04.

Oh!

Only 56 more minutes.

Julia, can I get
on that couch with you?

No.

It makes into a bed.

If you die on it,
it'll be too hard to fold out.

Well,
I'm coming anyway.

[HUMS TWILIGHT ZONE THEME]
[GASPS]

What's going on
in the basement?

They're all asleep,
all 14 of them.

I counted heads
to make sure nobody sneaked out.

They sure haven't been
any trouble.

No.

When we used to have
summer parties,

we'd play records
and dance all night.

Put ice
down each others pajamas.

These kids,
they don't do anything.

They're--they're so mature.

Why don't you'll hear
some of these old 45's I dug up.

Oh, this is it!

I can feel
the pin going through my head!

It's just the stereo,
it's a short circuit. [SLEEP WALK PLAYS]

Oh, be still, my heart.

Oh, that's one of my absolute
most favorite songs.

Don't you just love
that music we watched Annette grow up by?

Annette who?

Funicello!
Funicello!

My, Julia,
get with the program!

There is only
one Annette.

Hey, you know what
we ought to do?

We ought to pretend
we're back in junior high, slow dance.

Wouldn't that be fun?
Come on.

No, my nails are wet.

Julia?

I don't think so, Mary Jo,
but thank you for asking.

You didn't ask me.

I thought you were
too upset.

Okay.

Would you like
to dance?

Usually I wouldn't,
but since I'm a condemned person,

with time to kill
I might as well. Who's gonna lead?

You can.
You're tallest.

Put out your hand.

Isn't this hysterical?

We used to do this
for hours.

I never did this.

I don't recall
anybody's breasts being this big.

Maybe I'll go downstairs.

This party seems to be
taking a new turn.

Somehow this doesn't seem
quite as much fun as I remember.

I'm not having
any fun at all.

Okay. We can quit.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Could you tell me
what time it is?

Oh! 11:06.

Here. Would you please
keep track

of your own
life expectancy?

Hey!

I got a great idea.

Why don't I go in the kitchen
and scramble us all some eggs,

and we'll have
a bull session?

What's that?

Oh, you know, when everybody
tells everybody else what they don't like about 'em.

Just remember the guidelines.
You can't say anything to hurt anybody.

It has to be
constructive criticism.

I think it's
the worst idea I ever heard,

And I'm the one who's
the condemned person.

We should be doing
what I want to do. I should be

having a good time.
I should be living my last moments to the fullest.

Instead, here I am
sitting around

In this old thing staring
at the three of you.

Let's start
with Suzanne.

MARY JO:
I think what we're trying to say

is that maybe you're
just a tiny bit too man-crazy.

I think it's more
than a little tiny bit.

I mean, it doesn't matter
how old or young.

Every man who comes
into Sugarbaker's

gets the same looks
and giggles and winks.

Winks? You must be joking.
I've never winked at anyone in my life.

Then you must have
a gimp eyelid or something.

Charlene,
we said we weren't going to get mad.

Okay, okay, I'm not mad.

If there's anyone
around here who's man-crazy, it's you.

Well, that's true,
but in Suzanne's defense,

we did agree not
to criticize traits which are basically incurable.

SUZANNE:
Thank you, Mary Jo.

Quinton, I want you
to take that alligator suit off

and go to bed.

Good night.

Okay. Who's next?

Let's do Julia.

All right.
What's wrong with her?

MARY JO:
Well, she's not very animated.

Let's do Mary Jo.

All right.
You want to go last, that's fine with me.

Go ahead, shoot.

Okay, well,
for starters, I find you indecisive, wimpy,

and your hair's
too frizzy.

I mean we're talking about
the permanent that wouldn't die.

I don't know about you,
but midnight can't come too soon for me.

MARY JO:
Well, for my part, Suzanne,

you always
present yourself

as this sexy,
attractive person...

Excuse me, Mary Jo,

but I think
we can go a little bit further than attractive.

That's just what
I'm talking about.

You have this way
about you that makes other women feel like...

Eunuchs.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Well, I certainly
don't mean to do that.

That's another thing.
You always say you "don't mean to do that."

Well, I don't.
I've had trouble with women all my life.

I guess I just
attract jealousy.

Suzanne, we're not
jealous of you.

We don't want
to be you.

We just want you to think
it's okay to be us.

Are you sure
you're not jealous?

I mean,
sometimes I can be pretty stunning.

Okay. All right.
Maybe I can change. What would you suggest?

Keep in mind I don't
have a lot of time.

I suggest that there are
four attractive women at Sugarbaker's

and that there are
a lot of guys out there

who would pick
any given one of us... Darn right!

And I suggest you start
acting like you know it!

Mom, I hate to give
you guys another warning,

but you're going to have
to keep it down.

I'm sorry.
We'll be quieter.

Okay. I just hope
I don't have to come back up here again.

Don't worry. You won't.

You know,
Mary Jo, I'm sorry I called you wimpy.

I was wrong.

When it comes
to criticizing me, you can be a barracuda.

It's just
the liquor talking.

After about six
or seven of those bourbon balls,

I get assertive...

Self-confident.

Otherwise,
believe me, it would be impossible

for me to tell you
how deeply I resented you going out with my ex-husband.

Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea after all.

I thought you said
you wished Ted and me well.

I did but I still thought
that you shouldn't have gone out with him.

Well, it didn't last.

Well, that is not the point.
Then what is?

The point is that
if I had another ex-husband, you would do it again.

Oh, I doubt it.
The odds are pretty strong

against my wanting
to go out with two men you've married.

You see, I'm never sure,
but I think that's an insult.

I think you're right.
And I think you owe Mary Jo an apology.

And I think you two
are unbelievably mean to gang up on me

just when it's two minutes
till midnight.

Suzanne, we're not ganging up
on you, I'm just taking up for my friend.

That's the whole point,
isn't it?

The truth is I know
you're not jealous of me.

I'm jealous of you.

Come on, Suzanne,
don't puddle up.

Yeah, we never should
have started this.

Oh, well, why not?
You may as well know.

I...I envy
your friendship.

I mean, I see
the way that you and Charlene light up

when the other one
comes into a room.

It's like,
"Hey, there's my friend.

Isn't she something?"

I've never known that.

For some reason, women just
don't light up around me.

Well, that doesn't mean
they don't like you.

I just want you guys
to know that no matter what happens to me

in the next 60 seconds,
you're the best friends I've ever had.

And you mean
a lot to us, too.

Yeah.

I can't put
my finger on it,

but there's something
wrong with this picture.

[CLOCK BELL TOLLS]
Ow!

Oh! It's happening!

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[YELLING]

It's got a hold on me!

[SCREAMS]

It's just
a short circuit.

That lamp
always does that.

Oh. Oh, I can't stop
hyperventilating.

[HUMS TWILIGHT ZONE THEME]
[SHRIEKS]

Oh, Suzanne,
it's after midnight.

You're still alive.

I am?

I am, aren't I?

I can't believe it.
It's over, and I'm still alive.

Oh, I can't tell you
what a relief...

I mean, I was trying
to be nonchalant,

but I just feel like
a weight's been lifted.

Yeah, me, too.

I told you all that
voodoo stuff was a crock.

Julia, while you
were asleep,

we've had sort
of a breakthrough

in our relationship
with Suzanne.

I was afraid of that
when that dancing started.

It turns out that she's
jealous of us.

I wouldn't go so far
as to say jealous.

That's what you said.

I know, but I was
under duress.

I thought I was dying.

I'm not. I'm alive.

I'm going to go on
living and laughing and loving

and doing something
constructive with my life.

I'm going to visit people
in nursing homes.

See the orphans
and the handicapped.

On second thought,
maybe I'll just take a middle-income family out

to a fancy restaurant.

So much for our
big breakthrough.

I knew
it wouldn't last.

All right, Julia,
your turn.

You want us to tell you
what's wrong with you?

No, I know
what's wrong with me. I have bad breath.

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm going to kill that Consuela.

When I think about
what she did to me,

I ought to call her up
and say, "Consuela, guess what?

This is Suzanne,
and it's after midnight. Ha ha ha."

I think you ought
to work on it a little more.

It's not
quite there yet.

Can I have
one of those mints?

Help yourself.

Julia, what is this?

Oh, that's just a little
voodoo doll

I happened to have
lying around the house.

I thought you said voodoo
was lots of nonsense.

It is.

Well, just
for the heck of it I called Clarence Otto

at the Museum
of Folk History, he's a friend of mine.

He said the best way
to ward off a curse

is to put
your own curse on the cursor.

Or is it the cursee?

So this is...
Consuela.

You little devil, you.

You know, Julia,
that is just about the sweetest thing

anybody's
ever done for me.

That was sweet,
wasn't it?

It sure was.

And this is just about
the nicest slumber party

I've had since

I became a mature adult.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I think
I'll go to bed now. I've gotta get my beauty rest.

If you don't mind, Julia,
I'm going to take the couch

because sleeping
on the floor just makes my eyes puffy.

Suzanne, did I mention
Clarence says

taking the little pin
out of the little doll

leaves you
very little protection?

On the other hand,
sleeping on the floor

can be good
for your back.

Well, I think it's time
we call it a night.

Oh, me, too.
I've had it.

You're joking.
You mean actually go to sleep?

I mean,
it's not even time for the minister

to give the sign-off
sermonette.

We're tired. We watched
two scary movies,

pigged out on popcorn,
survived a death threat, and told each other off.

I think that's about enough
for one evening.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Good night, everybody.

OTHERS:
Good night, Mary Jo.

I hate to ask this,
but do you think maybe just for old time's sake,

somebody could put
a little ice down my pajamas?

All right, you guys.
If it'll shut her up.

[ALL CLAMORING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]