All language subtitles for Designing.Women.1993.S01E09.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.H264.AAC-PTerWEB_track3_[eng]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Julia, will you please
get down here?

I need some help.

Not now, Suzie,
I'm trying to get this stuff together

for that new client.

Mary Jo and I have
to got to be out at her house by 2:00.

Well, forget
the new client.

I can't find
my alimony checks.

I can't believe that.

I would think
you could smell them,

You know, kind
of like those big pigs

that run through the woods

snorting out that
expensive fungus.

Something wrong?

I just had the strangest
thing happen.

I'm getting out of my car
when this other car goes by

and there's a dog
on the passenger side. Yeah?

As just he passes,

he gives me this
incredibly strange look.

What kind
of look?

Like... he thought
he recognized me.

I've had that
happen to me before.

But yes, in your case,
it was probably true.

Don't anybody
speak to me.

'cause I'm not
the sort of person

you'd want to be
friendly with if you knew me well.

In fact, I was lying
in bed last night talking to myself,

saying "Charlene,

you are the scummy
residue that accumulates on

little rubber
drain plugs when people

aren't very good
housekeepers."

Charlene,
don't you feel like you're being

a little hard
on yourself?

No, I don't feel
anything

but deeply ashamed.

JULIA: Well, maybe you'd feel
less ashamed

if you changed outfits.

I'm wearing this
'cause Ed likes it.

Ed who?

Ed from Hyde,
Purcell, and Wilhoit.

He's been helping me
with my investment counseling,

takes me
to lunch every day.

I knew you were having
a lunch with a man this week,

didn't I say that?

I said, "Charlene's
acting very secretive,

"and she's got that
little look in her eye."

I think what you said
was...

"Do y'all think
she could be embezzling money?"

Charlene, I don't mean
to seem judgmental,

but I thought Mason
was your boyfriend.

He is,

but when he moved away,
we agreed to date other people.

I didn't know
I'd meet someone so fast

who makes me
feel the way I feel.

I haven't said anything
'cause I didn't want y'all to think I'm shallow.

Well, how do you feel?

Shallow.

But I can't help it.
It's just chemistry.

Forgive me, Charlene,
but chemistry still does not explain that getup.

Oh, come on, Julie,
don't be so stuffy.

For some people,
this is conservative.

Yes, well,
maybe Tina Turner while lying in state.

I just can't believe this.

I mean, three weeks ago,
you were sitting here on this sofa

crying and wailing,
and saying your life was over

because Mason had moved
to Toledo.

It's Tokyo, Suzanne.

Well, excuse me,
Mary Jo.

They both start with "T"
and end with "O."

I didn't know
this was a test.

Look, Suzanne,
you think I'm happy about this?

I mean, it's tough,
you know...

Mason's over there,
alone in a strange city, all 300 pounds of him,

surrounded by thin people
who only eat fish.

Here I am thinking
about somebody new,

butterflies
in my stomach.

I can't eat, sleep.

Now wait a minute,
have you considered the possibility

this is one of
maybe one of those rebound things?

You know, that happens
all the time.

I don't know what it is,
but I feel rotten.

I mean,
Mason's my big cookie.

Don't say that.

I hate it
when you say that.

I can't help it.
He is.

But this thing with Ed
is just chemistry.

And there's nothing
you can do about chemistry. It's just there.

I mean, look at
the different kinds of men I'm attracted to.

There's no rhyme or reason...

Elvis Presley,

Fidel Castro...

Carl Sagan.

Carl Sagan?

Well, it's the way
he says "cosmos."

It makes me hot.

Oh, I'm sorry, Julia.

I know you hate
people talking about what makes them hot.

Well, you can have
those guys.

As for me,
I prefer the older, established types.

You mean rich
and terminally ill?

For your information,
rich is sexy.

It's pretty hard
to get juiced up

about one of
those old guys

wearing those
cheesecloth undershirts from Montgomery Ward's.

Come on,
Suzanne,

what does money
have to do with anything?

Oh, come on,
grow up.

It's a better thing

to base a relationship
on than chemistry.

Just look at the mess
you got yourself into.

Now you're in love
with two men.

No.

At least I'm being
honest about it.

I mean
I wrote Mason and told him.

Oh, Charlene,
you didn't!

I did.
I had to.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Why I can't have chemistry
with someone else and not tell him?

That would be unfaithful.

Why--why didn't you
give yourself a little time?

I mean, this thing with Ed
might just be some

manner flirtation.

Mary Jo is right, Charlene.
It's not a smart thing to do.

Especially not to a man
who is living in a country

where women with tiny feet
will walk on your back for a nickel.

Could you
try his room one more time?

He has to be there.
It's 2:00 a.m. in Tokyo.

What?

Well, then,
could you tell him Charlene called...

Again?

Thank you.

Arigato. Yeah.

Bye. You, too.

Probably
read my letter...

Met someone else,
got married,

Had kids.

My guess is
he committed hari-kari.

Suzanne, you don't
have to be mean

just 'cause
you got PMS.

I don't have PMS.
I have cramps.

Anyway, I don't believe
in that stuff.

That's a bunch of nonsense
women make up

to get away
with murder.

She could be right.

Yesterday in
the checkout line,

I read where
this woman who had PMS

went berserk
in an elevator

and stabbed a man
with her fingernail file

'cause he wouldn't
push six.

There, but for fortune,
goes Suzanne.

Julia, get serious.

I don't act any different
than any other time.

And you don't have to
always be so dramatic.

"There, but for fortune,
goes Suzanne."

I mean, honestly,
sometimes the sound of your voice

just makes my hair
stand on end.

Well, that's because
you have PMS.

And you not only
act different...

You look
different.

What do you mean?

Well, for starters,
your face is puffy.

It's water retention,
and everyone has it.

Some of us, however,
can retain water better than others.

Because we're
smaller-boned,

We can carry it
more gracefully.

You, Suzanne,
are not a person

who can carry
a lot of water around on those bones,

If you know
what I mean.

Don't get all bent
out of shape about it.

It happens
to the best of us.

I personally have
one day each month

When I always look like
Broderick Crawford.

In Suzanne's case,
it's Willard Scott.

What are you doing?

I'm looking
for my nail file.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Who would knock?

Oh, that's Ed.
He's such a gentleman, he's taking me to lunch.

I want to know
what you think when I get back.

And be nice and don't
get on your soapbox about...

Charlene,
just let the man in.

Hi, Ed.
Oh, hi.

No, he's not Mason,
but he's nice. Give him a chance.

Hi. I'm sorry.
Come on in.

I want you
to meet everybody.

Hi.
JULIA: Hi.

Ed, this is Julia.

And that's Mary Jo,
and the big couch potato is Suzanne.

Hello.

Nice to meet you.

Can you believe it?

Believe what?

How much
he looks like Jerry Lee Lewis.

Oh, we hadn't noticed.

Yeah, you do
look like him a little.

Yeah, well,
she keeps trying to convince me.

First time I saw Ed,
I could not believe the resemblance.

You know, he's
my favorite singer after Elvis.

I've been dying
for him to come by show you guys.

Well, we can't
thank you enough.

This has been
an incredible moment.

She gets carried away.
She can't help herself.

Oh, get out.
I'll see you guys after lunch.

It was nice
meeting you all.

Nice meeting you.

And this is
the bedroom.

Yes, I had that feeling.

I guess
you'd like us

to spice this up
for you.

Probably the only thing

you can spice up
in this room are the drapes.

I was thinking
of some kind of floral.

How do you feel
about chintz?

Julia, do take a look
at Mrs. Boeving's dresser.

It's just...
Extraordinary.

I just love
chintz.

Of course I also
love stripes.

[GASPS]

I take it you don't.

Oh, sorry. I just have
a little asthma.

My, isn't this
a handsome man.

Do let me guess.

Who would that be?

A brother,
father, cousin, or anybody else

you could
possibly conceive of?

No, that's
my husband Ed.

Your husband.
Right.

He looks a lot like
Jerry Lee Lewis, doesn't he?

He's the reason
why you're here.

I'm redoing
the bedroom as a big surprise.

Well, it certainly
is going to be that.

Well, good afternoon,
ladies.

You might be interested
to know I'm feeling much better.

I just had lunch
at the country club

where I was told
by no less than 26 people

that I never looked
more lovelier.

Hey, what's going on?
Something's up.

No, it's not.

We're just
having quiet time.

Oh, don't quiet
time me.

You're hiding
something.

Suzanne, I like you
a lot better

when you're
just lying around like third base.

Come on, just tell me.

You know I'm going
to find out sooner or later.

It's something
just a little bit sad.

I love sad.

Tell me.

It's Ed.

He's married.

Charlene's Ed?
How do you know?

Our new client...

Ed's wife.

Are you sure?

They're not divorced
or separated?

Oh, they're married.
We saw their bed. California king.

Can you believe that?

She should never have
written that dumb letter to Mason.

Now she's fouled
everything up. And a married man.

That is tacky.

I would never date anyone
who was married.

You don't have to.
You marry everyone you date.

Charlene wouldn't
be going out with him if she knew.

Well, somebody's got
to tell her. Who's going to do it?

Maybe we should just
write her a little note and get out of here?

Now I know why
you lost your job at the hot line.

Hi, everybody.
I'm sorry I'm late.

I had to stop
by someone's house

and pick up
my lingerie.

Look, can you believe
this stuff?

Mood underwear.

It changes color
according to your arousal.

A voice-activated
brassiere.

Charlene, do you think

maybe your morals
are getting a little more... Relaxed?

Mary Jo,
I'm not going to wear this stuff.

I ordered it months ago
at my friend Wendy's lingerie party.

I didn't want to
hurt her feelings.

These are gag gifts.

Well,
they certainly make me gag.

Charlene,
why don't you relax?

Just sit down
and put your feet up.

Let me get you
a cup of coffee.

Thanks, Mary Jo.
That's very nice.

Someone
in my family die?

Now, Charlene, there's
something that...

Julia and Mary Jo
want to talk to you about,

something you might
want to sit down to hear.

I am sitting down.
Maybe you should lie down.

Why?
What's the matter?

Charlene...

In the course
of human events,

Good things happen,
and bad things happen.

I'm getting fired,
aren't I?

I don't think y'all
can fire me, I own part of this business.

Don't be
ridiculous.

You're not
getting fired.

It's just that...

Sometimes, just when
we think everything's going our way, you know?

Love is blooming
and chemistry's cooking

and everything's
coming up roses...

We suddenly find a weed
in our garden

we didn't even know
was there.

What's your point?
Ed's married.

That's my point.

What do you mean
Ed's married?

I mean as in 19 years.

Married.

I don't believe that.
Who told you that?

Ed's wife.

She's our new client.

Well... What do you know
about that?

The way I see it
you got three options.

Number one...
Ed has to be punished,

Number two...
you can provide a detailed report to the wife.

and that's not
a pretty picture.

Number three...
he has 10 days to rectify the situation,

or those two sentences
could run concurrently.

Charlene,
are you all right?

Oh, yeah,

I'm going to be fine
after I throw up.

Ed's the one
you want, isn't he?

No. As a matter
of fact,

Spending
time with him

has made me
realize how much I miss Mason.

I woke up
in the middle of the night,

and it all
just hit me.

Mason worries
about me when I have a cold,

he's always checking
my tires and putting gas in my tank.

So to speak.

He loves me
like my parents love me.

I guess there is
one difference.

What's that?

My parents
are still speaking to me.

Charlene,
believe me.

This is
a big mistake.

You don't tell the man
you've been dating

that you found out
he was married

with your best friend
sitting here.

I told you, Mary Jo,
I need you for moral support.

No, you don't.
You're fine.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I hate these singles
places anyway.

That guy over there
keeps staring at me.

I think he's going to
ask me out.

That's the busboy.

You got Mai Tai foam
on your lip.

Charlene,
you are not reacting to this

in a normal way.

I mean,
you have not screamed. You haven't cried.

You haven't got
a weapon in your purse, have you?

Of course not.

Now that you mention it,
I have a mace gun.

Maybe I ought
to just tell him off

and give him a whiff.

My friend Sydney Hunter,
she carried mace in her purse to Europe.

And one day
in this art museum,

she decides she has
bad breath.

where she grabs
the wrong little can, and she maces herself.

Can you believe that?

There she was,
conked out in line

with her dress up
over her head,

waiting to see
the Mona Lisa.

I cannot believe
you are sitting here

entertaining me
with humorous stories

while waiting to kill this man
who has done you wrong.

I mean, I am impressed.

Don't be.

Comes from growing up
in a family of eleven kids.

I had to be strong
I was the rot of the litter.

I don't want to be insanely
or anything, but

doesn't that guy
have a wonderfully well-rounded butt.

And he knows.

Which reminds me,

don't mention sex
when Ed gets here.

Okay. Because
that's absolutely none of my business.

Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.

I didn't expect
company.

I asked her to come.

Anyway, she's not company.
She's my best friend.

We have no secrets.

That's right,
but obviously, you do.

Mary Jo.

Just go ahead.
Pretend I'm not here.

I know you're married.

Oh... Ahem.

How'd you find out?

Your wife hired us
to decorate your house.

Are you joking?

No, Ed, I would not joke
about a thing like this.

My sense of humor
is much further along.

Which part
of the house?

The bedroom.
It's a surprise.

But I like my bedroom.

We're getting
rid of the drapes.

Why?

Just live with it
a while.

If you don't like it,
we'll put them back.

I do not believe this,
Do you mind?

I'm sorry.

I should never drink
on an empty stomach.

If I were you, I'd spend
a lot less time worrying about drapes

and a lot more time
trying to explain to me why you did this to me.

It just all seemed
to happen so fast, Charlene.

Well, didn't happen
too fast for me

to tell you about Mason.

I didn't know
you did that.

Yeah, I told him the same day
I wrote that letter.

You know
you really are a good person.

There he goes again.

Who?

The guy with the butt.

I'll be back to taking orders.

Bring me something
with the coconut, the chicken set on fire.

Look, Charlene, I was...
I was wrong.

I haven't been
fair to you.

I haven't been
fair to my wife.

I just didn't know
what to do.

You and I have only known
each other for a few weeks,

and I've been married
for 19 years.

You should never
keep drapes longer than seven.

What am I supposed to say,
congratulations?

I want you to say
that you believe me

When I tell you
this is my first affair.

Oh, come on!

It doesn't matter
if I was the first or the last.

You lied 'cause
you knew

I'd never be with you
if you were married.

Right. You're right.
But I was scared.

I mean, what we have
is so new to me.

Don't get me wrong.
It's not just the sex.

Okay, [LAUGHS]
that's it.

The duck just came down
from the sky and said the magic word.

I warned you,
I'm leaving.

Ed, so nice
to meet you,

I'm sure you're probably
a creep,

but good luck to you
and your family.

I'll call you
tomorrow.

Thanks a lot.
Now she thinks we slept together.

Well, it wasn't 'cause
I didn't want to.

Well, you think
it was easy for me?

I was very attracted
to you.

So why wouldn't you?

I don't know.

It just didn't
seem right.

Somehow I still
feel connected to Mason.

Anyway, unrequited love
can be beautiful.

That's true.

But somehow I always feel
it's more fulfilling

If you actually
get to do it with someone.

You're terrible.

You stole my thunder
tonight.

I was going to
break your heart

and tell you
I belong to Mason.

Now it sounds like
I'm saying that 'cause you're married.

No, I believe you.

You believe me?

About what?

You are the first.

I guess deep down,

Neither one of us knew
what we were doing.

You were mixed up
about your marriage

and me about Mason.

I'm just glad we got it
all straightened out

before anyone
got too hurt.

As much as
I'm crazy about you,

I want you to be happy,
I want you to go home and try to make things work.

I don't think
I'm going to be able to do that.

Why not?
Because I left my wife.

You what?

Believe me.
It's for the best.

Come on.
She's redoing the bedroom for you.

How bad can she be?

It's not that.
It's just that,

well, you fouled things up.

Look, if I did anything
or said anything, I take it all back,

you know, in this light
you don't even look that much like Jerry Lee Lewis.

You showed me
what's possible, Charlene.

What? Divorce?

No.

Happiness,

Honesty,

being excited
about someone.

She and I have never
had that.

I want what you have
with this Mason.

I think he's a very
lucky guy.

Oh, Ed.

Have you made
your decision?

Have you?

Yeah,
I think I have.

Charlene, it's here!
Your letter from Mason.

You're kidding.
I just went outside and checked.

Hey, I flagged down
the truck.

I just had
this feeling

it was going
to be here today.

No, I'm too scared.
What if he doesn't forgive me.

What if he hates me?

Hurry up, Charlene.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, he says
he still loves me.

Oh, he also says
he understands chemistry, too.

He remembers
his hormones running amuck

when he met me.

In fact, he didn't
get to Tokyo

before he got chemistry
with a stewardess.

Well, please.

All men have chemistry
with stewardesses.

Her name's Eva.
She lives in San Francisco.

What else?

They went for a drink.

She thinks
he's very funny.

She likes his smile.

Well, I'm furious!

Well, I don't blame him.

You had the decency
to wait three weeks before you forgot him.

Yes, I would like
an overseas operator, please.

It's 11:00 a.m. here.
That means it's 1:00 a.m. in Tokyo.

Yeah, he'll be in bed.

Yes, operator,
I'm calling [011] 813-9494.

Yeah, arigato.

I'll just wake him up.

We'll see
if he's smiling now.

Yeah, Charlene,
don't do anything rash.

I think we got
enough trouble for one week.

For crying out loud,
he just had drinks with a stewardess.

Oh, come on,
I can read between the lines

and I'm sick and tired
of being everybody's patsy.

Let somebody else
take it between the eyes for a change.

Now, I'm no more
Mr. Nice guy.

Hello, Mason,
this is Charlene.

Is that you, honey?

Yeah. How's my big cookie?

Oh, I miss you, too.

Yeah.
Oh, I love you, too.

Uh-huh.
[LAUGHS]

No.

Oh, she's killing
him.

["GREAT BALLS OF FIRE" PLAYING]