All language subtitles for Designing.Women.1993.S01E05.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.H264.AAC-PTerWEB_track3_[eng]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Coffee's ready.

One thing I want to do
is get all these old magazines out of here.

They're doing nothing
but collecting dust.

Mary Jo,
do you mind?

That clipboard's
dusty, too.

We did say inventory.
Wear grubbies.

Well, I'm not
the grubbies type.

You'll never catch me
wearing those tacky little designer jeans

with somebody's name
across my behind.

You mean like the ones
Julia has on?

Yes, well, I suppose
they do give women of a certain age

an illusion of youth.

Personally,
I don't need them.

Well, that's
a pity, Suzanne,

because your jeans could
say the designer's name,

the bylaws
of the I.L.G.W.U.,

and several choruses

of Look For
The Union Label.

I don't know what it is,
but there's something about this that's, well, darn it,

just a lot of fun.

You can have it.
If you think this is fun,

then I feel sorry
for you.

Well, now, Suzanne,
people have different ideas of what's fun.

That's right.
In order to have a good time,

Mary Jo doesn't have
to spend every weekend

being thrown off
Brus Duncan's party barge

into the
Chattahoochee River.

I didn't say that.

I just said
if she thinks this is fun,

then maybe she needs
to reassess her life.

Why? I think
her life's just fine.

She has a rewarding job
and two great kids.

Yeah, but what does
she do for fun?

What do you mean?

See. She doesn't even
recognize the concept.

Of course, she does.
Mary Jo has lots of fun. Don't you, Mary Jo?

For instance,
what did you do last night?

Last night?
Well, let's see.

I made dinner
for the kids, I did some new Math,

I traced all
the President's heads...

Lincoln's
is the biggest, if it ever comes up.

I rest my case.

Okay, so my life
isn't exciting.

I don't have time
for excitement.

Well, Mary Jo, I hate to agree
with Suzanne,

but you haven't
been out with anybody

since you and Ted
split up.

Well, according to Newsweek,
you'd be wasting your time

because anybody over 30

has very little chance
of marrying anyway.

Hey, what are you
talking about?

Let me see that.

Let me see it.

When did they come out
with this?

About four months ago,
see it's when they blew up Chernobyl

Well, that won't ring
a bell with her

you have to relate it
to something Suzanne finds news worthy

like Michael Jackson's head
catching on fire.

This is just ridiculous,

I mean, do you believe
this nonsense?

Suzanne, where you been?
People magazine did the same story

with Donna Mills and
some other old maids on the cover.

Don't you remember
everybody being up in arms about it?

No, I must have been
in Tijuana having those lamb injections.

You know, every time I see
this graph,

it just makes me mad
all over again.

Every age group
has its own color.

Mine's pale blue.

I'm in
the never-been-marrieds.

Nerve of them.

Well, at least you had a color.

As I recall,
single women with children didn't even show up.

For a minute,
I thought we had brown

then I realized Quinton had
dripped Fudgesicle juice on it.

Well, I think this is all
a lot of foolishness.

I am over 35,

and I can assure you,
if I wanted to get married again,

I wouldn't let
a little thing like a graph stand in my way.

According to this,
your age group has a better chance

of being killed
by a terrorist.

Yes, well, I think
the fella who wrote that

has a pretty good chance
of being killed by a feminist.

It's not
the magazine's fault, Julia.

They're just
stating the facts.

Well, the facts are Tom Selleck
and Burt Reynolds are even older

than those actresses
on the front of that magazine,

and you don't hear anybody
running around calling them "over the hill old maids."

That's true, you know, men
can get away with anything.

I mean, look at Reagan's neck,
it sags down to here.

Everybody raves about
how great he looks.

Imagine if
Nancy had that neck?

They'd be putting her
in a nursing home for turkeys.

If there's one thing I hate
it's when you all get off

on one of your
socially conscious tirades.

And Charlene,
I'm surprised at you.

You usually stay off
of your soapbox.

I don't know about that.
I have my causes.

In case you've forgotten,
I'm the one who picketed

when Cher didn't
get nominated for Mask.

Never mind.
I wasn't talking about that.

Well, I'm just glad I have
Mason. I don't have to worry about all this stuff.

Now we just find somebody
for Mary Jo.

Thank you very much,
but I'm happy with my life

just like it is.

Well, I think it's time
for a change.

Suzanne, who cares
about what you think?

It's Mary Jo's life.

I know, but since I do know
the most men,

I feel it's my responsibility
to fix her up.

Let me relieve you
of that responsibility.

I swear to you, Suzanne,
I'm not interested.

My prime goal in life

is to find you a date,
Mary Jo,

and I will leave
no stone unturned.

Well, that should
make it easy.

After all,
that's where you find most of yours.

Good morning.
Hi.

Anything interesting
in the mail?

No. Just Ed McMahon saying

I may have already won
a million dollars in one of those sweepstakes.

How exciting!

You'll probably want to call
your family right away.

You know, these things
always make me feel so guilty.

I always send back
the envelope that says,

"No, but enter me
in your sweepstakes anyway."

If I won,
how could I face those people?

Oh, come one, that doesn't
matter. I mean, it always says, "No purchase necessary."

I'm sure they have to.
But you know they hate your guts

if you never order
single one of their magazines.

I just have this silly,
irrational fear that one night

Ed's going to turn
to Johnny and say,

"Well, Charlene Frazier sent
back the no envelope again."

"Boy, has that woman
got gall."

Well, good morning,
troops.

I just had the most
wonderful brunch.

I went
to Atlanta Stadium with Trammel Jennings.

You know,
we're old friends.

There we were in his
private enclosed box

with TV, champagne...

I didn't know they had games
out there in the morning.

They don't.

He wants his seats
reupholstered,

so I just went
to have a look.

One thing led to another,

and the next thing I know,
we're having quiche, so I...

That reminds me
of this story.

These friends of my parents
aren't very sophisticated Bless their hearts.

And one night they went
to this real fancy restaurant and ordered quiche,

off the menu.

Only they called it
a quickie!

Can you imagine?

Oh, you're joking.

I'm not.
It was a hoot.

Charlene,
you always do this.

I was building up
to something.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

Go ahead.
Build away.

Anyway, as I was saying,

Trammel and I are
sitting there talking at the stadium,

and right in the middle
of him telling me

how I'm probably the most
attractive woman who's ever sat in his box,

In walks
J.D. Shackelford.

So?

Who's J.D. Shackelford?

Oh, you know!
He's the head person

that goes around scouting talent
for the Braves.

I know him from when
my ex-husband Jack played second base.

So, anyway, J.D. and I
start to talkin',

and I find out
he's available,

and I immediately
think of you.

Oh, no.
What's the catch?

I mean, why aren't you
going out with him yourself?

Because I don't want to
go out with him.

I've known him
too long.

Anyway,
he's darling and funny and recently divorced,

and you'll
just love him.

Recently divorced?

Oh, now I know
I'm not going.

Now, what is the matter
with that? You're recently divorced, too.

Yes, I know, but men are
different when they've just gotten out of a marriage.

They've got something
to prove.

They're macho
and crazy and nuts,

and they all talk
about their ex-wives,

and they've all got to have
sex on the first date,

and frankly,
I just don't think I'm not up to it.

Nope, nope, count me out.

Not now, maybe not ever!

But thank you anyway.

Mary Jo,
for crying out loud,

you don't have to
go to bed with this guy or marry him.

You're just going out
on a date. Oh, come on.

There's no such thing
as just dating anymore.

I read Cosmopolitan.

I know what's
going on out there.

And as far as I'm concerned,

you two are just
a couple of handmaidens

preparing me
for human sacrifice.

What do you think?

Oh, that's too
much eyeliner.

I look like
son of Cleopatra.

Oh, keep that.

Here. Rub a little
of this Vaseline on your front teeth.

It makes it easier
to smile whether you feel like it or not.

Actually, Suzanne,
when I don't feel like smiling,

I just don't smile.

Interesting concept.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh!

Shh, shh, shh!
Just get the door.

Julia!
What are you doing here?

You look lovely.

I'm just dropping
off that shawl you wanted to borrow.

Oh, thank you.
You didn't have to do that.

I thought I'd get
back to the store before you left,

but that IRS auditor
kept me waiting again.

Oh, how'd it go this time?
Was he better than the first guy?

Worse.
Now I'm demanding to see the supervisor.

What I can't understand
is why they keep adding on to our bill.

It's quite simple.
Julia insults them.

I do not.

You don't call "money-whoring,
cash-sucking cretin" an insult?

Well, that was just
to break the ice.

You know, sometimes
you say something so outrageous

everyone has to laugh.

You wait.
Next time, I'm going to kill them with kindness.

All right, ladies.
I think we should be going.

There's enough people
here already.

It's like high school
everybody sitting around

and waiting to see
what he looks like.

Charlene, I am not
waiting to see anyone.

I am dropping off
a shawl.

All right.
Okay, let's go.

I was here
to help out with introductions,

but if Mary Jo
thinks she can handle it alone...

Have a wonderful time.

All right.

And you
look wonderful, Mary Jo,

and just remember
you're not nearly as frumpy

and mousy
and ordinary as you might think.

Thank you.

Here is a quarter
for the pay phone, Mary Jo.

Mother always used to
give Suzanne and me a dime to call home

in case somebody
got too fresh.

I don't think Suzanne
ever used hers.

She eventually
used the money to go to Europe.

That's funny, Julia.

I'll hang on to it.

Break a leg.

Get out of here!

So...

You're J.D. Shackelford.

Well, Mr. Shackelford,

you have certainly
got yourself

a handful
of woman tonight,

And we are going to
rock 'n' roll and lose control,

because you are man
and I am woman!

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ I'll say it again ♪

And I'll say amen.

Well, you are parked
on the no-parking side.

And the sweeper
should be by any minute.

It's okay. I like to live
close to the edge.

Okay, but I think
they're going to notice a DeLorean.

You don't like my car,
do you?

No, no, it's great.

I just kept getting
my purse caught on the gullwing.

I sure do like
the way it handles.

Boy, you know it clocks out

at 60 miles an hour
in six seconds

and, to me,
that is almost as good as having sex.

Ha ha!
I know what you mean.

That was a great
little dinner we had, wasn't it?

Except the Burgundy
tasted like it hadn't quite breathed enough.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I hate that
when you feel like

the Burgundy can't
get its breath.

J.D. Shackelford.

What is that J.D.
stand for?

James Dean.

Named for a movie star, huh?

Uh, no, no,
the pork sausage guy.

See, my--my mom
likes his singing.

Uh, would you do me a favor?

Would you mind
stepping out of your clothes

just for a few minutes?

I just want to, uh,
put my hands right there,

and then there's just
one other little thing I wanna try,

and then you can
get right back into your clothes again.

I just want to get
to know you better.

Me?
Don't be ridiculous.

There's nothing else
to know about me.

I want to know
more about you.

Oh, well, okay,
then I'll step out of my clothes.

Come here.
Yeah, come here.

Listen, J.D.

I'm sure
this happens to you all the time,

but I'm a little rusty.

In truth,
I am completely corroded.

I am also the mother
of two children

who happen to be with
their father tonight.

But they live with me,

and I don't spend
a lot of time in fancy French restaurants

worrying about
whether the wine has emphysema or not,

but I really like you,

and I would love
to go out with you again,

but frankly, it took
all the courage I had just for the kiss,

much less anything else.

I hope you understand.

Sure, I do.

I understand perfectly.

I am so relieved.

Goodbye, Mary Jo.

Julia, I think
the new auditor's here.

He's coming up the walk,
and he looks grim.

Got to be a Fed.

JULIA:
Okay, I'll be right out.

Oh, this is going to
be a complete disaster.

I don't think
I can stand to watch.

Hello.
I'm Ray Don Simpson

From the I.R.S.

I have an appointment
with Julia Sugarbaker.

Oh, yes.
Come right in.

She'll just be
a second.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Suzanne, this guy
look familiar to you?

No.
CHARLENE: I just know I've seen him somewhere before.

[GASPS]

What's the matter?

I just remembered
who he is. I've got to tell Julia.

Hello.
How are you?

I'm Julia Sugarbaker.

Ray Don Simpson.

Nice place
you have here.

Thank you.
Please sit down. Thank you.

I do appreciate
your coming.

I wanted you to see
that my business is in my home.

Julia, I got to talk
to you.

Not now, Charlene.

Can't you see I'm
talking to Mr. Simpson?

May I get you a cup of coffee?

No, thanks.
Tea?

No. We're not allowed to drink
on the job.

Well, then is there
anyone here you'd care to have sex with?

Julia!

Just a little joke.

A sense of humor!

I like that.

You know, you look
awfully familiar.

Have we ever
met before?

No, I don't think so.

I'm sure I'd remember you.

Julia, I got to talk
to you now!

Would you excuse me
for just a minute?

You know
the decorating business,

The people are
so high-strung.

Go right ahead.

Charlene, what has gotten
into you?

Don't you know
who that is out there?

Mr. Simpson.
Not just Mr. Simpson. Ray Don Simpson.

Doesn't that name
and face ring a bell?

No.
Don't you remember?

One time we were sitting
at Tokyo Gardens, waiting on Suzanne,

he tried to pick up
you, me, and Mary Jo.

He came over to the table

and you proceeded to
annihilate him in front of everyone.

Don't you remember?

He tried to introduce himself,
and you said,

"Oh, there's no need
for introductions, Ray Don."

"We know who you are."

"You're the guy
who's always"

"wherever women gather
and try to be alone."

"You want to eat
with us in hotels,"

"keep us company
on the plane."

And then you said,

"On behalf of all
the women of the world,"

"I want to thank you,
Ray Don."

I said that?
He just kind of tucked his little tail

between his little legs
and crawled to his little table.

This is that man?

I mean, you killed him, Julia,
and now we're all gonna die.

This is what you get,
Julia,

for always
going around acting like the Terminator.

At least he hasn't
recognized me yet.

No, but it's just a matter
of time. And I swear, Julia,

he's this much away
from remembering. What are we gonna do?

Just go out there and try not
to look at him head-on, and you do the same.

Come on.
I've got to get back out there.

Mary Jo,
what are you doing here?

Well, I work here.
Remember?

I'm just sitting here
with Mr. Simpson,

and we are trying
to figure out

where we know
each other from.

That's about enough
of that.

Don't you know
how unprofessional it is to leave your desk?

And look at you.
You haven't even sharpened your pencils yet.

This overhead lighting
is so bright.

Why don't we go
upstairs to my private office

and go over
some of these figures?

All right.

I may as well
tell you now.

I'm not a well person.

It's my eyes.

You see, they're allergic
to all artificial light.

I'll be fine as long
as it's dark.

Would somebody
please tell me what is going on?

Later.

First we want to hear
about your date.

You look rested.
It can't have been that good.

Well, it wasn't.
I mean, it was for a while,

but then he wanted me
to make a commitment.

He asked you
to marry him?

No. He wanted me
to commit

to having my lips on his
for a couple hours.

I just didn't
feel like it.

I know,
call me old-fashioned,

But I just think
it's impolite

for somebody
you just met

to put their tongue
down your throat.

For me,

French kissing
is more personal

than what you have to do
to have children.

And I have no idea why
I'm telling you this,

because it's absolutely
none of your business.

Oh, yes it is.

I'm the one
who fixed you up.

I deserve to know
the details.

Well,
there aren't any details, and there aren't gonna be,

because he left mad,
and I'm sure I'll never hear from him again.

Hello.

Mary Jo?

J.D.

Uh, can I come in?

Sure.
It's a place of business.

Come on in.

What do you need?

A llama throw for
your king-size waterbed?

No. I just--I just came by
to talk to you.

Hi, J.D.

Hi, Suzanne.

Do you mind?

Listen, I just want...
I just want to say I'm sorry about last night.

I was a major jackass,
and I want to be the first to admit it.

Hey, look.
It's--It's not your fault.

You're--You're just
a fast-lane guy,

and I'm
a bumper-car woman.

No, no, no.
Now, wait a minute. That is not true.

I am not
a fast-lane guy.

I drive and eight-year-old
station wagon

with a baby seat
in the back.

A ba...
You have children?

Three.

Suzanne didn't
mention that.

Well, Suzanne doesn't
relate to children.

She probably thought
they were very tiny adults.

Cute.
Yeah.

And the DeLorean?

Borrowed
from Trammel Jennings.

Boy, I hate
those gull wings.

Anyway, anyway,
I was trying to be something I'm not,

and that includes trying
to put the moves on you before you were ready,

and I--I just
want to apologize.

It's kind of hard
being divorced, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's kind of like your horse
got knocked off the merry-go-round,

and everybody's
going around screaming,

"You got to get back on.
You got to get back on."

Yeah, I'm pretty sick of advice.
You know, actually,

I'd just like to relax,
go to a movie, get a pizza.

That sounds wonderful.

Well, you want to
try it again this weekend?

I'd love that.

All right.
Well, I'll call you.

Oh, uh, brought you
a little present

Courtesy
of the Atlanta Braves.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, listen,
when I come by to pick you up,

would you mind doing
that little bit for me

in front
of the mirror again?

Get out of here
before I French-kiss you.

Whoa-oh!

Mary Jo,
he is absolutely adorable!

I know, I know.

So, Mr. Simpson...

I can't tell you...

What a pleasure
it's been working with you.

Well, I think everything
is in such good shape

that there's a good chance

we'll be able to throw out
the entire audit.

Oh, won't that
be wonderful?

I just can't tell you
how I appreciate

your handling of everything,
Mr. Simpson.

Oh, please
call me Ray Don.

I know I know you
from somewhere.

Oh, I wouldn't spend
any time on it.

I have one of those faces.

Right.

Anyway, I want
to thank you again

for keeping
such good records.

Don't mention it,

And I want to thank you,
Ray Don.

Now I know where
I've seen you before!

["TEACH ME TONIGHT" PLAYING]