All language subtitles for Ali G Rezurection - 1x08 - Technology.HDTV.BATV.en

sync & correction by f1nc0
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Easy now.

This show was recorded
10 year ago,

way before techmology
was invented.

There is no things that you could
never have dreamed of back then...

the iPhone,
the iPhone 2,

the iPhone 3,

the iPhone 4, the iPhone 5.

Who can even himagine
what is coming next?

Techmology means that people
don't need to go to the office.

In fact, me Julie now works
from home, fanks to her webcam.

She earn four quid 99
for 10 minutes,

and for a tenner, she'll
stick anything up her poony.

It is pure profit.
The only overheads is bananas,

which can still be used
afterwards for smoothies,

unless she is put it up her wrong 'un.

Now check out the show,
"The Rezurection of Ali G."

Crawb up and govern the ting!
Pow!

1x08 - Technology

I is ready.

Booyakasha.
Check it out.

I is here with none other
than me main, Buzz Aldrin.

I know this is
a sensitive question,

but what was it like not being
the first man on the Moon?

Was you ever jealous
of Louis Armstrong?

He was Neil Armstrong,
and, no, I was not jealous.

- He was a very, very qualified person, yeah.
- Or whatever.

So, when you arrived
on the Moon,

was the people who lived there
very friendly,

or was they scared of you?

There was absolutely no thought

of encountering
any living being whatsoever.

Do you think man
will ever walk on the sun?

No, the sun is too hot.

It is not a good place to go to.

What happens if they went
in winter when the sun is cold?

The sun is not cold in the winter.

Me knows you's been axed this
a zillion times.

It must really get on your tits,
being axed it,

but let's just sort it out.

What do you say to all those
conspiracy theorists

who come up to you and say,
"Does the Moon really exist"?

I don't think there
are very many people

who question
whether the Moon exists.

- It exists.
- All right, you is heard it here.

It does exist,
so all those people out there

who is saying it don't, you is wrong.

That's right. The Moon does
exist and we went there.

Yo, listen up.

But how do they really know
what is exists

and what is the conspiracy things?

'Cause I know I have seen
a picture of J.Lo

wif two, you know,
massive geezers' dongs there,

and apparently it weren't true.

I haven't seen those pictures.

Well, you should check them out.
It's amazing.

Okay.

Is you upset that Michael Jackson

got all the credit
for inventing the moonwalk,

but you is the first geezer
ever to actually do it?

Uh, no. You can call
things by different names

and you can use
the Moon or Mars or Venus,

and you can say,
"This is the Venus Trot,"

but that doesn't mean
that it has any connection

to what it would be like
for a horse moving on Venus.

- Yeah.
- The horse could trot on Venus, right?

- Except it's very, very hot.
- There's horse on Venus?

No, no, no, no.
I'm just...

neither is Michael Jackson
on the Moon.

I's got a joke.
Do you want to hear it?

There is a monster
from outer space

who is going on a trip
round the universe.

And 'im goes
to the travel booker

to book, like,
a hotel on the Moon.

And the travel booker goes,

"You can't go to that hotel
'cause the Moon is full."

- That's pretty good. "the Moon is full."
- That is so wicked.

That's wicked.

And the opposite of the Moon
being full is...

- It's empty.
- ...the new moon.

- What?
- That's when it's dark.

I thought it's funny 'cause
it means he's, like, full.

- It's, like, been eating stuff.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

He's all well full and everything.

No, the hotel is full.

So, that is... why is it funny?
'Cause the hotel is full.

I wasn't sure that it was funny.
You said it was funny.

- Why is it funny again?
- Things are funny or comedic

because they mix
the real with the absurd.

- No doubt.
- And you took the Moon, which is real...

- and the term "full" and you... full...
- Full. Yeah.

and you applied that
to either the hotel being full

or the person being full,
and that's an absurd condition

and that's what makes
something funny,

where you mix
the absurd with the real.

Wicked.
So listen up.

You is 'eard about
the Moon and about space.

You better learn
about these things

from my man
Buzz Lightyear here.

So you better realize
that these things is important.

Big up yourself, Buzz.

Keep it real.

In Kazakhstan,
lazy, greedy peasants

complain they must lift
heavy weights

and run for many hours.

In America, stupid people
pay money to do this. I look.

Hello, Borat.

- Hello.
- Nice to meet you.

- How are you?
- Nice to meet you.

Welcome to Ironworks.

This is what you're
going to do... watch me.

Pull and extend, okay?
The legs.

On the machine, though.

No, on the machine.

No, you have to come back in
the position, all the way up.

Put your legs under...
under here.

Up on top.
Up on top.

Facedown.

No, the way you were
in the beginning.

No.

- And now I move up?
- Yeah.

Facedown.

Hold the handles, okay.

This is your position.
You don't move from here.

- Yes.
- Okay.

- It hurt my krum.
- It hurts what?

- My krum.
- You're...

My testi sexual.

- Your abdomen goes here.
- Yes.

The foot comes
around into here.

And you push it
up, up, up, up.

Like this.

- So, then you're running.
- Yes.

And stop.

- Yes?
- This is dangerous.

No.

I don't think you should try this one.

- It's too dangerous.
- Yes.

Walk, walk, walk,
walk, walk, walk, walk.

- You must walk.
- Yes.

Walk faster, faster.

There you go, faster.

There you go.

Now, look straight ahead
and just walk.

- Yes.
- Just walk. Walk.

There you... see?
Walk, though.

Keep walking. Walk,
walk, walk. Don't stop.

Faster.

There you go.
There you go.

- Feel?
- Yes, I feel.

Good, relax
and just walk.

- Relax.
- Stand up. There you go.

- Now you're getting it.
- Relax.

Now show your people
you're doing it.

- Don't stop.
- Okay.

Wide, wide, wide.
Oop.

In Kazakhstan, we say

it make you feel like a real man
when you shoot.

- It's a nice feeling. I enjoy it.
- Yes, it feel good.

Your body feel... alive.

Good, like a proper man.

Especially when you're
shooting a machine gun.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- How many can it kill?
- It's about 800 rounds per minute.

Wawawiwa, is a good gun.

8,000 per minute?

It mean you have many
criminal try to you kill?

Yeah, you can just waste 'em.

After I'm done with guns, I
always go to the topless club.

Wawawiwa,
I like very much,

to shoot a gun
and to see big, uh...

And that would... yeah.
That really sums it up.

This is what a man should do.

A man should be able
to shoot a gun and enjoy...

- And go look at naked women.
- Yes.

- Yes.
- High five.

In Kazakhstan, now they take

very, very, very bad,
evil criminal

and they let
you practice them

in two of the gun club.

- You think they should do here?
- Oh, my word.

- Oh, you guys are crazy.
- Why not?

Oh, man, that's the
craziest thing I ever heard.

- You think...
- I like it, but it's crazy.

- We execute people...
- Borat: Yes.

...but the government
has to do it.

- Why can they not do it in a gun club?
- It has to be...

Well, there's probably
no good reason why not.

It would be fun.

We don't... yes, it
probably would be fun.

Okay, come on through.

How about I kick your ass, Osama?

Let's see here.

Wawawiwa!

You are real man!
High five!

Can you buy this gun
for self-defense?

It's possible.
It's not easy to.

Can you buy antitank gun
for self-defense?

- You can.
- Good.

- In Texas.
- Good.

Yo, science.

What is it all about?

Techmology,
what is that all about?

Is it good or is it whack?

There is a bloke
from round my hood, Staines,

called Rainbow Jeremy, who reject
everything to do with science.

He just chill at home,
he smoke his own homegrown,

and check this...
he don't have a telly!

Mm-hmm.

I ain't shittin' you.
He don't have a telly.

Yeah, he lives in a house, though,

and that house
is a product of technology.

No, he ain't got no techmology in it.
You can check out his website.

- He ain't got nothing in there.
- The house itself.

- He's got a website.
- He wears clothes, shoes.

- He eats food.
- Ali: What?

Has "compooters"
made our lives better?

I don't think there's any
question about it.

Will "compooters"
ever be able to work out

what
99999999999999999...

multiplied by 9999999...

Yo, I ain't finished. You
don't know what I was gonna say.

9989999999.889988...

99999999999999?

The answer's yes.

The most powerful computer
in the world today

does 36 trillion
operations a second.

So would it be able to multiply...

10-10-10-10-10-
10-10-10-10-10...

- 10-10-10-10...
- Yes.

- 10-10-10...
- Yes.

- 10-10-10-10-10-10-10-10...
- Yes.

- 10-10-10-10.
- Yes.

- You don't know what I was gonna say.
- Coates: Yes.

Multiply...
you don't even know.

- 10-10-10-10-10-11...
- Coates: It doesn't make any difference.

- Molitor: Blink of an eye.
- It doesn't make any difference.

- ...13-14-18-19-28...
- Whatever numbers you name...

the computer
will be able to handle it.

100-100-100-100-100-
100-100-100...

- 100-100,000,000...
- Yes, yes, yes.

- Thousand million.
- Yes, whatever numbers you want...

it will be able to multiply.

- .999998?
- Coates: Yeah.

- Without blowing up?
- Yes.

Gonna move it on a little bit.

- Where did men come from?
- Men evolved out of lower species

in the way that all the species
evolved out of lower species.

- This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous.
- What?

If he wants to believe
this happened,

he's welcome to believe
his grandpa came...

was Lucy and came down
from his tree or something,

but that is pure religion.

So, you sayin' we ain't
come down from monkeys?

No, monkeys are still having babies.

Why don't they have
another human today?

We're Homo sapiens, and
that's about eight steps down.

- Wow, yo, I ain't.
- I just want to make clear

'cause this is going out
on the TV or whatever,

that I don't do that stuff.
I ain't got nothing against it.

Oh, it's the "homo"
that threw him off.

- Explain that.
- Yeah.

It is a scientific nomenclature
that describes who we are

as part of a phyla, or a stream of...

you know, it goes
hominid, hominoid...

Yo, whatever,
there's different names for it.

Coates: We're all Homo sapiens.

Coates: All humans would
be considered Homo sapien.

My wife is a Homo sapien,
but that's not homosexual.

- All right, respect.
- Yeah, well, it's just a way

- of describing who we are.
- With that said,

I just wanna make clear,
yo, respect for comin' on.

And I ain't gonna treat you
differently now that that has come out.

- You know, that's safe.
- No, it has nothing to do...

come on, now.
You're confused here.

Let's settle the confusion.
All of people in the whole world,

the biologists have
in a group called "Homo."

And the particular human group
below that is "sapiens."

And all that is Greek. It just
means the Greek word for "man smart."

- Yeah, a lot of them is very talented.
- It has nothing to do with homosexuals.

It has nothing to do with the
homos that you meet on the street.

- Ali: A'ight.
- It's an entirely different lingo.

But is you a...
one of the homo lot?

I am a Homo sapien. I think
all humans are Homo sapiens.

- You are, too, okay?
- Yo, yo.

The term "homo" and "homosapien"...

has nothing at all to do with sex.

Ali: All right.

Let's talk about when technology
goes horribly wrong.

Is there techmologies
that you won't use?

I try to avoid foods that have
pesticide residues on them.

No disrespect or whatever,
but do you use a toilet

or does you just drop one in the hole?

Of course I use a toilet, as I
assume everybody here does. I hope.

You'd use it, but would you flush?

Certainly, yeah.
Absolutely.

So, would you use a toilet, or
does you just drop it in a hole?

Oh, I've been to quite a few
countries where they don't

have toilets and I'm very
glad to get back to America.

- So, would you flush?
- Oh, sure.

And I think you should
have a septic system

that's properly designed
to handle the waste.

You say that, but there is evidence

backstage to the contrary. Was it you?

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

You know what I is talking about.

- No, I have no clue.
- The floater.

Covering it with paper
don't make it all right, yo.

That goes for the rest
of you, whoever it was.

All right? I ain't pointing any
fingers, but I does have my suspicions.

Well, I don't... it was not me,
if that's what you're saying.

I would not... if I
understand what you're even

talking about, which I
don't part of the time here.

Yo, you know
what I is talking about.

'Cause if it was,
then shame on you.

I still...
you're very confusing.

Yo, I ain't pointing fingers, yo.

But is you the one backstage
who didn't flush?

No, sir.

Ali: You know what I's
talking about 'cause...

If that's what you're
talking about, why you would

talk about that on a TV
program blows my mind.

Just saying, out of respect...

we was all talking
about respect or whatever.

Whoever it was, and I ain't just...
I don't care, let's just...

- Well, then, go on to something else.
- Ali: Let's put it to the side.

But that ain't right.
Shame on you.

I didn't do it. Don't say shame
on me. I didn't do anything.

Just wanna thank you all
for coming on here.

This was very interesting.

Keep it real.
Yo, respect.

- Respect.
- Respect.

- Respect, respect.
- Respect.

Come in a bucket and me show
you some real Smiley Culture.

Diggity check yourself
before you wreck yourself.

I is here with none other
than my man, Ralph Nader.

Him be the Green Party
presidential candidate

in the year 2000.

So, what is happening
with the rain forests?

They're being cut down very fast.

But what's the big deal
about rain forests?

It's not like anyone's
ever lived in them.

Well, sure, you have a lot of
native peoples who live in them.

But surely they would be
well happy to get out of there.

Must be crap living there.
No Macky Ds, no KFCs,

no way to drive
around anywhere,

all these monkeys ploppin'
on your head,

who would want to stay there?

You'd have to be absolutely mental.

You wouldn't like it.

But why would anyone
want to live there

with the risk of a monkey
droppin' one on your head?

Well, first of all,
the monkeys aren't eager

to search out these natives
and plop on them.

Yeah, but it ain't impossible.

Uh, I've never heard of a case.

How should people out
there lessen the amount

- of electricity they use?
- Well, there's a lot of waste.

You know, you leave
your house or your flat,

you leave the electricity on.

Me sometimes get
the electricity meter

and me put, like, a coat hanger
in one of de clogs,

and that seems to stop it.

Or you can use magnets
and change the number.

And then you can't
turn the lights on, you mean?

No, you can't turn the lights
on, but the numbers don't go up.

Oh, yeah. That's rigging
the meter, though.

- Yeah, that's a violation.
- So, do you think,

if it was legal, people
should do that here?

No, because it doesn't reduce
the amount of electricity you use.

So how come the number
ain't going up?

Because someone
is interfering with the meter.

All right, well,
it's well easy to be negative.

I was only trying to help you out.

Right, no, I appreciate that.

- Is natural gasses running out?
- No.

Why don't you get humanoids
who make a lot of natural gas

to maybe squeeze one out into
a box or something like that

- Well...
- and use that energy?

Well, you already have
tens of millions of cattle.

But they haven't figured out how
to put a box on their asshole.

Me name be Ralph Nader.
Me gonna make an appeal.

Homies, save
the rain forests, a'ight?

Keep it real.

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~