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1
00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,829
- ? MTV
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,175
- ? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?
3
00:00:09,214 --> 00:00:11,129
? Gonna have myself a time
4
00:00:11,163 --> 00:00:12,599
- ? Friendly faces
everywhere ?
5
00:00:12,724 --> 00:00:14,508
? Humble folks
without temptation ?
6
00:00:14,586 --> 00:00:15,718
- ? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?
7
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,584
? Gonna leave my woes behind ?
8
00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:19,361
- ? Ample parking day
or night ?
9
00:00:19,483 --> 00:00:21,137
? People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ?
10
00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:22,348
- ? I'm headin' on down
to South Park ?
11
00:00:22,473 --> 00:00:24,475
? Gonna see
if I can't unwind ?
12
00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:27,731
- ? [mumbling] ?
13
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:28,935
- ? Come on down
to South Park ?
14
00:00:28,974 --> 00:00:30,758
? And meet some friends
of mine ?
15
00:00:34,650 --> 00:00:36,478
[school bell rings]
16
00:00:37,858 --> 00:00:40,512
- OK, kids,
let's take our seats.
17
00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:43,415
Before we get started,
we have a guest speaker today.
18
00:00:43,490 --> 00:00:47,059
Please give your undivided
attention to Kipling.
19
00:00:47,174 --> 00:00:49,045
- Thank you, sir.
Hey. What's up, guys?
20
00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:50,169
My name's Kipling.
21
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,905
I'm with the Webelos
of America.
22
00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:54,073
I want to talk you guys about
the exciting opportunity
23
00:00:54,194 --> 00:00:55,848
to join the Webelos.
24
00:00:55,971 --> 00:00:58,147
- Is that a chick or a dude?
- Shut up.
25
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,747
- I'm sure some of you were in
Scouts before.
26
00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:01,699
Webelos are an extension
of Scouts,
27
00:01:01,821 --> 00:01:03,562
specifically for fifth
and sixth graders.
28
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:04,990
- You guys, is that a chick
or a dude?
29
00:01:05,028 --> 00:01:07,204
- It's a chick.
- Nah, that's a dude, bro.
30
00:01:07,324 --> 00:01:08,978
- [muffled speech]
- ...part of it as well.
31
00:01:09,014 --> 00:01:10,755
Now, I know what y'all
might be thinking--
32
00:01:10,877 --> 00:01:12,749
Webelos used to be
only for boys.
33
00:01:12,871 --> 00:01:14,569
Well, now
they also allow girls,
34
00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:17,128
and I myself, as a...
35
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,771
Webelo,
can tell you
36
00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:21,637
it's a great organization
for everyone.
37
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:25,921
- I don't know, guys,
I'm like 60% sure
38
00:01:25,958 --> 00:01:27,133
that was a fucking dude.
39
00:01:27,257 --> 00:01:28,694
- I'm definitely betting
it's a chick.
40
00:01:28,817 --> 00:01:29,949
What are the odds at?
41
00:01:30,074 --> 00:01:31,379
- Looks like about
40 kids betting now,
42
00:01:31,505 --> 00:01:33,811
55% saying the Webelo
is a dude.
43
00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:35,933
- So I'd only win, like,
five bucks on a $2 bet?
44
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,316
- What are you guys
talking about?
45
00:01:37,441 --> 00:01:38,877
- Prediction market app, dude.
46
00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:40,786
You know,
online peer to peer betting.
47
00:01:40,864 --> 00:01:42,082
- Yeah, it's social platform
betting.
48
00:01:42,207 --> 00:01:43,295
People can make any bet
they want,
49
00:01:43,335 --> 00:01:44,597
and then other users
take them up on it.
50
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:46,679
- Really?
- Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude.
51
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:48,499
People bet on anything,
even stuff here at the school.
52
00:01:48,622 --> 00:01:50,754
See? Will the girls' soccer team
win on Friday?
53
00:01:50,831 --> 00:01:52,050
Will there be a snow day
this month?
54
00:01:52,087 --> 00:01:53,480
Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
55
00:01:53,518 --> 00:01:54,866
and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?
56
00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:56,558
Will school lunch have
tater tots next week?
57
00:01:56,595 --> 00:01:57,944
- Wait, what was that?
58
00:01:58,025 --> 00:01:59,722
- Will school lunch
have tater tots next week?
59
00:01:59,801 --> 00:02:02,021
- No, the one about my mom!
- Oh. Uh...
60
00:02:02,054 --> 00:02:03,490
Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza
61
00:02:03,614 --> 00:02:05,051
and destroy
a Palestinian hospital?
62
00:02:05,175 --> 00:02:07,612
- Why the hell would my mom
destroy a Palestinian hospital?
63
00:02:07,732 --> 00:02:10,474
- 'Cause she's a Jew?
64
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:12,419
JESUS: Boys, put 'em away.
65
00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:14,935
You know the rules--no cell
phones during school time.
66
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,317
Both: Sorry, Jesus.
67
00:02:16,442 --> 00:02:17,747
[whistle trills]
68
00:02:17,785 --> 00:02:19,352
- No phones, guys!
69
00:02:20,731 --> 00:02:22,951
- Take that bet down right now,
fat ass!
70
00:02:22,985 --> 00:02:24,204
- I didn't put it up, Kyle.
71
00:02:24,285 --> 00:02:25,721
I'm not even betting on it.
72
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:28,064
It's 9:1 odds your mom won't
do it--those are terrible odds.
73
00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:29,491
- This is such bullshit!
74
00:02:29,615 --> 00:02:30,834
I'm gonna find out
who started this
75
00:02:30,915 --> 00:02:34,092
and I'm gonna fucking
rip them a new asshole!
76
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:37,124
- Man, you just bring up Gaza
to a Jew and they flip out.
77
00:02:37,155 --> 00:02:39,636
Maybe these are
pretty good odds.
78
00:02:39,668 --> 00:02:41,888
[dynamic news theme]
79
00:02:41,921 --> 00:02:45,446
ANNOUNCER:
You're watching Fox News!
80
00:02:45,475 --> 00:02:47,869
- They're called
prediction market apps--
81
00:02:47,988 --> 00:02:50,426
controversial online betting
that's found a loophole
82
00:02:50,457 --> 00:02:52,504
around normal gambling laws.
83
00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:55,498
And, of course, the number one
trending bet on the apps:
84
00:02:55,528 --> 00:02:59,315
Will President Trump and Satan's
baby be a boy or a girl?
85
00:02:59,428 --> 00:03:00,995
- That's right,
prediction market apps
86
00:03:01,119 --> 00:03:02,772
are going crazy right now.
87
00:03:02,809 --> 00:03:06,508
On Kalshi, 54% are betting
it's gonna be a boy,
88
00:03:06,578 --> 00:03:09,842
while bettors on Polymarket
are at nearly 60%
89
00:03:09,959 --> 00:03:13,093
the demonic butt baby's
gonna be a girl.
90
00:03:22,309 --> 00:03:23,701
- Hello, boss.
91
00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:26,698
Another gift for the baby.
92
00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:28,644
- Another present for the baby?
93
00:03:28,722 --> 00:03:30,463
What about me?
94
00:03:30,498 --> 00:03:33,067
- Everyone is so excited
for the baby, boss.
95
00:03:33,099 --> 00:03:36,276
You must be so excited as well.
96
00:03:36,392 --> 00:03:38,133
- Uh, yeah, sure.
Real excited.
97
00:03:38,256 --> 00:03:42,608
- It is going to completely
change your life, though.
98
00:03:42,676 --> 00:03:43,633
- What are you talking about?
99
00:03:43,673 --> 00:03:45,718
- Well, when the baby comes,
100
00:03:45,839 --> 00:03:49,103
you will have to give it
all your attention.
101
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,787
No more dinner parties
in the Rose Garden.
102
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:55,214
No more baseball games.
No more travelling.
103
00:03:55,329 --> 00:03:58,332
No more long nights
at Mar-a-Lago.
104
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:02,527
- Oh.
105
00:04:02,652 --> 00:04:04,002
Ooh.
106
00:04:05,556 --> 00:04:07,819
- Hey, Satan!
107
00:04:07,853 --> 00:04:11,030
You wanna get in the hot tub
and smoke some cigarettes?
108
00:04:11,146 --> 00:04:14,323
- Hot tubs and cigarettes
are really bad for the baby.
109
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:16,224
- Yeah, I know.
Let's do it anyway.
110
00:04:16,345 --> 00:04:19,001
- Wait, do you want to get rid
of the baby?
111
00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:20,904
I don't think your followers
would be very happy
112
00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:23,333
if we got an abortion.
113
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:25,542
- Hey, relax, guy!
114
00:04:25,576 --> 00:04:27,491
I don't want to get rid
of the baby.
115
00:04:27,526 --> 00:04:29,267
- Good,
'cause we're not going to.
116
00:04:29,389 --> 00:04:31,000
- Great!
117
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,541
- Jimmy!
118
00:04:37,623 --> 00:04:38,581
- Oh, hey, Kyle.
119
00:04:38,619 --> 00:04:40,273
- What the hell is this?
120
00:04:40,310 --> 00:04:42,355
- That's a prediction
market app.
121
00:04:42,390 --> 00:04:46,002
- I'm asking why did you bet yes
that my mom would strike Gaza?
122
00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:47,292
- Oh, yeah,
I put some money on that.
123
00:04:47,416 --> 00:04:49,244
I know it's not very likely,
but I like to bet on
124
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:51,151
l-longshots.
125
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:52,928
- Why are you betting on it
at all?
126
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:55,009
Israel and Gaza is
a very serious matter.
127
00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:56,479
- Oh, I know, Kyle.
128
00:04:56,603 --> 00:04:58,126
I told a joke about Gaza
on a Zoom meeting yesterday
129
00:04:58,206 --> 00:04:59,338
and nobody laughed.
130
00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:01,465
I guess it's not even
remotely funny.
131
00:05:02,930 --> 00:05:04,802
Wow. What a terrific audience.
132
00:05:04,923 --> 00:05:06,403
- What is wrong with you people?
133
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,051
Do you even know what Gaza is?
134
00:05:08,086 --> 00:05:09,871
Do you seriously just care about
making a couple bucks?
135
00:05:09,993 --> 00:05:11,778
You know what my mom would do
if she found out about this?
136
00:05:11,813 --> 00:05:13,510
She would absolutely
lose her shit!
137
00:05:13,590 --> 00:05:15,941
There's been a conflict in
Israel for thousands of years,
138
00:05:16,017 --> 00:05:17,975
and Jews and Palestinians
are not football teams
139
00:05:18,097 --> 00:05:19,054
that you bet on.
140
00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:20,617
- Guys, phones.
141
00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:22,960
all: Sorry, Jesus.
142
00:05:22,994 --> 00:05:24,560
- Kyle, if you think
the bet isn't fair,
143
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:25,684
then you can just take it up
with the company
144
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:27,377
that manages the app.
- I can?
145
00:05:27,456 --> 00:05:28,893
- Sure thing.
146
00:05:28,974 --> 00:05:31,106
These apps aren't
r-run of the mill, rinkydink.
147
00:05:31,227 --> 00:05:32,576
They're all run by
highly professional
148
00:05:32,657 --> 00:05:35,573
strategic advisors.
149
00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:38,563
[dramatic music]
150
00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:42,336
? ?
151
00:05:42,407 --> 00:05:45,323
[phone ringing]
152
00:05:49,427 --> 00:05:51,647
- Hello?
153
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:56,076
- Yeah, is this the "Strategic
Advisor for Predictive Markets?
154
00:05:56,187 --> 00:05:58,450
- Yes, it is.
155
00:05:58,570 --> 00:05:59,963
- Well, there's a bet
on one of your apps
156
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,175
that's incredible insensitive,
157
00:06:01,214 --> 00:06:03,259
and it needs to be taken down
now!
158
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:08,987
- Oh, uh, all our bets are
actually regulated by the CFTC.
159
00:06:09,101 --> 00:06:10,929
You need to talk to them.
160
00:06:10,964 --> 00:06:13,097
- What's the CFTC?
161
00:06:13,174 --> 00:06:16,438
- It's the Commodity Futures
Trading Commission.
162
00:06:16,511 --> 00:06:18,252
It's the federal government.
163
00:06:18,287 --> 00:06:21,334
They have to approve all bets
and deal with discrepancies.
164
00:06:21,451 --> 00:06:23,670
- Fine! I'll call the CFTC then.
165
00:06:23,704 --> 00:06:25,096
So stupid.
166
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:27,049
Commodity Futures Trading
Commission--here we go.
167
00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:32,210
[line ringing]
168
00:06:35,838 --> 00:06:38,493
- Hello?
169
00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:40,221
- Yeah, I'm calling about
a prediction market bet
170
00:06:40,301 --> 00:06:41,912
that's offensive
to Jewish people.
171
00:06:42,033 --> 00:06:44,428
- Ooh, that sounds really bad.
172
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:47,681
If it's offensive, you probably
need to speak with the FCC.
173
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,495
- The FCC?
174
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,837
- Yeah, they're dealing with
all the offensive stuff now.
175
00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:54,003
Here, let me connect you.
176
00:06:54,125 --> 00:06:56,954
[phone ringing]
177
00:07:03,918 --> 00:07:06,007
Hello?
178
00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:07,956
- This is the same fucking guy!
179
00:07:07,991 --> 00:07:09,993
- Who is it?
- Uh, apparently,
180
00:07:10,028 --> 00:07:12,204
there's a really offensive bet
on an app
181
00:07:12,238 --> 00:07:14,327
that the government is sort of
in charge of,
182
00:07:14,405 --> 00:07:16,233
and I'm like
the strategic advisor.
183
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,095
- An offensive government app?
184
00:07:18,174 --> 00:07:20,438
I better go speak with
the president right away.
185
00:07:24,285 --> 00:07:27,201
[humming happily]
186
00:07:28,878 --> 00:07:30,010
[rope boings]
187
00:07:30,048 --> 00:07:33,008
[humming happily]
188
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,589
Hey, Satan!
189
00:07:41,705 --> 00:07:43,663
Hey, Satan!
190
00:07:43,785 --> 00:07:45,613
Can you come downstairs?
191
00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:49,598
- What do you want?
192
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,420
- Just come down the stairs
real quick.
193
00:07:51,542 --> 00:07:52,761
- For what?
194
00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:54,278
- For just real quick.
195
00:07:54,402 --> 00:07:55,881
- Oh, there you are,
Mr. President!
196
00:07:56,005 --> 00:07:57,267
I need to talk to you.
197
00:07:57,306 --> 00:07:59,003
- No, no, no, no!
Brendan Carr, don't--
198
00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:01,954
- Whoa!
[grunting]
199
00:08:04,369 --> 00:08:05,805
- [laughing]
200
00:08:05,841 --> 00:08:08,496
The FCC guy must have
shitty ankles.
201
00:08:15,332 --> 00:08:17,203
- You guys! You guys!
202
00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:18,588
Have you checked out
the betting app lately?
203
00:08:18,712 --> 00:08:20,366
- No.
- Ever since Kyle got
204
00:08:20,489 --> 00:08:21,880
all pissed off,
the odds are going up
205
00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:23,529
on his mom attacking Gaza.
206
00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,394
- No way.
- Yeah, check it out!
207
00:08:25,429 --> 00:08:27,736
Now 17% of people are betting
she's gonna do it.
208
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,727
We gotta get in on this, guys.
209
00:08:29,848 --> 00:08:31,936
- Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going
to strike Gaza.
210
00:08:31,972 --> 00:08:34,018
- Yes, exactly.
We know that.
211
00:08:34,052 --> 00:08:35,922
And we can also influence Kyle
212
00:08:36,045 --> 00:08:37,916
to get the odds raised
even more.
213
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,387
It's called a conflict
of interest, you guys.
214
00:08:39,469 --> 00:08:40,688
It's a way to make free money.
215
00:08:40,725 --> 00:08:42,031
- Isn't that illegal?
216
00:08:42,112 --> 00:08:43,592
- Yes!
All we have to do is make sure
217
00:08:43,629 --> 00:08:45,457
Kyle stays angry,
218
00:08:45,535 --> 00:08:47,233
and at the same time, go talk
antisemitic shit about his mom
219
00:08:47,355 --> 00:08:48,835
to goose the odds up even more.
220
00:08:48,872 --> 00:08:50,439
- What are you guys
talking about?
221
00:08:50,476 --> 00:08:51,651
- Nothing.
Just talking about
222
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:53,430
how messed up it is
everyone hates Jews now.
223
00:08:53,509 --> 00:08:55,859
- You think it's messed up?
- Yes, I do, Kyle.
224
00:08:55,892 --> 00:08:57,763
Why would an app allow a bet
like that to exist?
225
00:08:57,842 --> 00:08:59,061
It's obvious race bait.
226
00:08:59,186 --> 00:09:01,188
- Yeah,
that's exactly how I feel!
227
00:09:01,266 --> 00:09:02,571
- Dude, you might just want to
let it go.
228
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,176
- See? "Just let it go."
229
00:09:04,256 --> 00:09:05,910
That's how people want you
to deal with a crisis
230
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,208
that they don't even understand.
231
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:08,987
- Yes!
Thank you!
232
00:09:09,109 --> 00:09:10,632
- You can't give up, Kyle.
233
00:09:10,756 --> 00:09:12,627
It's not cool people would say
this stuff about your mom.
234
00:09:12,749 --> 00:09:15,273
And honestly, if you don't have
her back, who will?
235
00:09:19,336 --> 00:09:22,383
Hey, have you guys heard about
Kyle's mom?
236
00:09:22,412 --> 00:09:25,938
Man, that bitch has it out
for Palestine, let me tell you.
237
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,228
Well, I don't know,
I would just hate to be
238
00:09:27,353 --> 00:09:29,355
a Palestinian hospital,
that's all I can say.
239
00:09:29,476 --> 00:09:31,130
Well, anyway,
good to talk to you guys.
240
00:09:31,253 --> 00:09:32,297
Hey, guys!
Guys, have you heard about
241
00:09:32,336 --> 00:09:34,164
my friend Kyle's mom?
242
00:09:38,749 --> 00:09:41,187
[laughter]
243
00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:43,743
- Oh, my goodness, can you
believe all the crazy apps
244
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:45,474
our kids are on these days?
245
00:09:45,596 --> 00:09:47,903
- Ugh!
Who can keep track anymore?
246
00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:50,069
- Kyle comes to me every day
with a new app
247
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,495
that he just has to have.
248
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:54,014
I tell him,
"That app costs money, Kyle.
249
00:09:54,046 --> 00:09:55,395
"Then it charges you money.
250
00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:57,000
Where you gonna get this money?"
251
00:09:57,036 --> 00:09:58,646
- Yeah, you know what'd be nice?
252
00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:00,946
Is an app where you can actually
make some money.
253
00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:01,981
- [laughs]
Yes.
254
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:03,413
That'd be great, wouldn't it?
255
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,756
- [giggling]
Yes, it certainly would.
256
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:06,747
[clears throat]
257
00:10:06,787 --> 00:10:09,224
So, Sheila,
258
00:10:09,256 --> 00:10:13,434
how have you been feeling about
the current situation in Gaza?
259
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:17,496
- What?
- Uh, yeah,
260
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,057
just--just thought we'd sort of
take your temperature.
261
00:10:20,133 --> 00:10:22,962
Which way are you thinking about
going with that?
262
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,038
- Well,
I think it's all horrible.
263
00:10:25,116 --> 00:10:28,206
A lot of people are dying.
- Uh-huh.
264
00:10:28,324 --> 00:10:31,588
- And do you feel like you need
to do anything about it?
265
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,706
- What would I do about it?
266
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:35,524
- I mean, probably nothing,
right?
267
00:10:35,647 --> 00:10:37,736
You're going to do nothing
about it.
268
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,425
- Are you implying
the Jews in America
269
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,894
have some kind of obligation
to do something about it?
270
00:10:42,927 --> 00:10:45,625
- Whoa, whoa!
- You want to vilify my faith!
271
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:47,267
Is that it?
- Sheila, it's OK.
272
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:49,392
- It's not
Jews versus Palestine!
273
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:51,429
It's Israel versus Palestine!
274
00:10:51,463 --> 00:10:53,248
- Here we go with
the Palestinian stuff again.
275
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:54,807
- And maybe if you read books
276
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,019
instead of everything
Hollywood actors say,
277
00:10:57,054 --> 00:10:59,360
you'd know the difference!
278
00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,429
- What are you putting
your money on?
279
00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:07,253
- I mean, it's a ridiculous bet,
but she seems pretty pissed off.
280
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,978
- There's really no money to be
made on betting she won't.
281
00:11:10,011 --> 00:11:11,665
- Yeah, let's take
the long odds.
282
00:11:11,744 --> 00:11:13,354
That makes these apps more fun.
283
00:11:13,478 --> 00:11:14,304
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
284
00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:15,737
[laughter]
285
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:18,733
[stately music]
286
00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:22,072
?
287
00:11:22,144 --> 00:11:24,973
- [humming happily]
288
00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:31,967
? ?
289
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:36,456
[mischievous music]
290
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,446
?
291
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:41,440
[humming happily]
292
00:11:41,471 --> 00:11:48,434
?
293
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:53,226
Hey, Satan!
294
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:55,172
? ?
295
00:11:55,294 --> 00:11:56,991
I made you some soup!
296
00:11:57,114 --> 00:11:58,594
? ?
297
00:11:58,631 --> 00:12:02,809
- I don't like carrots.
298
00:12:02,835 --> 00:12:05,011
- Hey, relax, guy!
299
00:12:05,044 --> 00:12:06,394
Carrots are good for you.
300
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,607
- I don't want carrots.
301
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,208
I ordered cheesecake
on DoorDash.
302
00:12:11,328 --> 00:12:13,591
- Mr. President, I really need
to speak with you.
303
00:12:13,711 --> 00:12:14,973
- Not now, Brendan Carr!
304
00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:16,404
Satan won't eat his carrots.
305
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,530
- Oh, come on, Satan,
you're eating for two now.
306
00:12:18,651 --> 00:12:20,262
Carrots are good for you, see?
307
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,735
- Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
308
00:12:22,855 --> 00:12:25,249
- Whoa, this is the best soup
ever. I--
309
00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:26,891
[gagging]
310
00:12:27,015 --> 00:12:28,059
Oh, God!
311
00:12:28,098 --> 00:12:29,273
[farting, screaming]
312
00:12:29,312 --> 00:12:30,443
- Whoa!
313
00:12:30,482 --> 00:12:32,310
- Whoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
314
00:12:32,431 --> 00:12:35,086
[farting, screaming]
315
00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:38,854
Wow-wow-wow-wow!
316
00:12:41,272 --> 00:12:42,577
- [laughs]
317
00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:45,357
Those carrots must have been
from Erewhon.
318
00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:49,988
SHEILA:
Everywhere I went today,
319
00:12:50,025 --> 00:12:51,548
it was the same thing.
320
00:12:51,672 --> 00:12:53,848
What are you going to do
about Gaza?
321
00:12:53,881 --> 00:12:56,101
Like us Jews in America
have any control
322
00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:57,832
over what's going on in Israel.
323
00:12:57,868 --> 00:12:59,783
Why is everyone suddenly
confronting us
324
00:12:59,818 --> 00:13:01,472
about the politics?
325
00:13:01,508 --> 00:13:05,164
Have people been asking what you
think about Gaza, Gerald?
326
00:13:05,235 --> 00:13:07,194
- No, for some reason,
they were just asking
327
00:13:07,315 --> 00:13:09,361
what you think about it.
- You see?
328
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:11,658
It's just pure antisemitism!
329
00:13:11,692 --> 00:13:14,782
I'm so sick of being grilled
about my views on Palestine
330
00:13:14,811 --> 00:13:16,422
and my thoughts on Hamas!
331
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,982
And being judged for things
that are centuries old
332
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:21,539
and that non-Jews
know nothing about!
333
00:13:21,572 --> 00:13:22,877
Well, if they all think
we should do something--
334
00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:23,829
- You-- stop!
SHEILA: Then you better believe
335
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:25,696
I'll do something!
336
00:13:25,732 --> 00:13:27,734
- You know, Mom, I'm starting
to think that us Jews
337
00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:29,118
should just lay low
for a little bit.
338
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:32,506
- There!
Now my son is complacent.
339
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,754
This is one Jewish household
that will not put up with it
340
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,485
anymore!
- Ma, please.
341
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:37,740
Don't make things any worse.
342
00:13:37,865 --> 00:13:40,911
- Worse?
How can it be any worse?
343
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,466
I'm going to find out where
all this is coming from,
344
00:13:43,499 --> 00:13:46,806
and I'm going to give them
a piece of my mind!
345
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:50,007
- No! Ma!
346
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,469
[cat meows]
347
00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:58,719
- Look, boss, another present
for the baby!
348
00:13:58,752 --> 00:13:59,928
[cat meows]
349
00:13:59,966 --> 00:14:03,013
- Another present for the baby?
Right!
350
00:14:03,129 --> 00:14:04,609
- Isn't it cute, boss?
351
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:06,343
We must be careful, though,
352
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,730
cats can be very harmful
to a pregnancy.
353
00:14:09,846 --> 00:14:11,935
- Harmful to a pregnancy?
354
00:14:12,012 --> 00:14:15,711
- Well, yes, boss, it's a
parasite called toxoplasmosis.
355
00:14:15,782 --> 00:14:18,002
It can be transferred
from cats to humans
356
00:14:18,036 --> 00:14:19,689
and bring about
some complications.
357
00:14:19,812 --> 00:14:21,509
[cat meows]
358
00:14:21,546 --> 00:14:24,462
- Toxoplasmosis?
[cat yowls]
359
00:14:25,923 --> 00:14:28,882
[humming happily]
360
00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:31,829
[cats meowing]
361
00:14:34,763 --> 00:14:36,199
[humming happily]
362
00:14:36,279 --> 00:14:37,628
[alarm buzzes]
363
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:43,962
[humming happily]
364
00:14:47,243 --> 00:14:50,377
Hey, Satan!
365
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:56,619
Hey, Satan, you gotta come
see this, it's really great.
366
00:14:56,733 --> 00:14:58,473
- What?
367
00:14:58,596 --> 00:15:01,164
- Ay! I thought you were
napping in our room.
368
00:15:01,196 --> 00:15:03,590
- No, I had to go get
the ultrasound.
369
00:15:03,622 --> 00:15:05,581
I can't believe
you didn't show up.
370
00:15:05,616 --> 00:15:08,402
It really makes me feel like
you don't care about this baby.
371
00:15:08,519 --> 00:15:12,523
- Hey, relax, guy, of course
I care about the baby.
372
00:15:12,593 --> 00:15:14,508
- Mr. President,
I'm feeling much better--
373
00:15:14,543 --> 00:15:16,937
- No! Fuck! Brendan Carr!
374
00:15:17,056 --> 00:15:20,451
- [muffled groaning]
375
00:15:20,479 --> 00:15:22,960
[muffled scream]
376
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,952
[crashing]
377
00:15:33,436 --> 00:15:36,265
- You guys.
You guys, I did it.
378
00:15:36,297 --> 00:15:37,515
- You did what?
379
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,250
- I talked so much shit
about the Jews
380
00:15:39,287 --> 00:15:41,637
that I got the odds
on the bet up to 95%.
381
00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:42,627
- [muffled speech]
382
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:43,885
- Yeah, check it out.
383
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,794
I put 1,400 bucks on it
last night.
384
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:47,222
I am locked in.
385
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:48,696
- Where'd you get
1,400 bucks?
386
00:15:48,734 --> 00:15:50,213
- I just took my mom's
debit card,
387
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,599
entered all the info
into the betting app,
388
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,203
and put all the money
she has on it.
389
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,458
- [muffled speech]
390
00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:56,106
- Isn't she gonna be
pissed off?
391
00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:59,060
- Yeah, not when I turn
her 1,400 bucks into 14,000.
392
00:15:59,177 --> 00:16:00,788
This is the safest investment
ever.
393
00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:02,346
Nothing can possibly
go wrong.
394
00:16:02,426 --> 00:16:04,341
JIMMY:
Hey, fellas. Fellas!
395
00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:05,770
Fellas, have you seen the news?
396
00:16:05,893 --> 00:16:07,547
Kyle's mom's in Israel.
397
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,709
- Really?
- Oh, wow!
398
00:16:10,747 --> 00:16:11,922
- I just put money down!
399
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,982
[dramatic music]
400
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,886
- [speaking Arabic]
401
00:16:32,674 --> 00:16:34,458
- Dude, your mom's in Israel.
402
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,712
- I know.
403
00:16:35,838 --> 00:16:36,708
- Well, you gotta call her.
404
00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:37,878
You gotta calm her down.
405
00:16:38,004 --> 00:16:39,440
- I've been trying to call her.
406
00:16:39,521 --> 00:16:40,870
Her phone's not working
over there.
407
00:16:40,994 --> 00:16:42,822
- Kyle this is no time
for weakness.
408
00:16:42,857 --> 00:16:44,293
Whatever your mom is doing,
409
00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:47,638
it is going to make kids here
even more anti-Semitic.
410
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:48,755
- You're totally right.
411
00:16:48,837 --> 00:16:50,099
- Damn right, I'm right!
412
00:16:50,224 --> 00:16:51,443
You have to get ahold
of your mom
413
00:16:51,481 --> 00:16:52,961
and tell her to calm down,
Kyle.
414
00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,651
Call the Israeli government
if you have to.
415
00:16:54,688 --> 00:16:56,429
- How do I call
the Israeli government?
416
00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:58,597
- Call a diplomat.
Call an embassy.
417
00:16:58,674 --> 00:17:01,807
You just have to talk to
someone who works for Israel.
418
00:17:01,837 --> 00:17:04,710
[phone ringing]
419
00:17:06,863 --> 00:17:08,562
- Hello.
420
00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:10,599
- Oh, you have got to be
shitting me!
421
00:17:10,635 --> 00:17:12,158
- What?
- This is the strategic advisor
422
00:17:12,194 --> 00:17:13,718
for predictive market apps.
423
00:17:13,754 --> 00:17:14,712
- Tell him to take
the bet down.
424
00:17:14,837 --> 00:17:16,098
- What?
425
00:17:16,180 --> 00:17:17,226
- Make him take the bet down,
Kyle.
426
00:17:17,351 --> 00:17:18,265
It is anti-Semitic,
and you have to fight
427
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,524
for what you believe in.
428
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:22,211
- I called before
about an offensive bet,
429
00:17:22,335 --> 00:17:23,684
and I want that bet
taken down right now!
430
00:17:23,721 --> 00:17:24,853
- That's right!
431
00:17:24,935 --> 00:17:26,632
- Oh, yes, I believe
your complaint
432
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:29,366
was being reviewed
by head of the FCC.
433
00:17:29,485 --> 00:17:31,051
- Well, then what's the head
of the FCC doing?
434
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,524
Where the hell is he?
435
00:17:37,501 --> 00:17:40,243
- [groaning]
436
00:17:40,318 --> 00:17:43,582
- Mr. Carr?
Mr. Carr, can you hear me?
437
00:17:43,654 --> 00:17:45,308
- [groans]
438
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:49,175
- We understand you're the head
of the FCC, is that correct?
439
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,855
- Mm-hmm.
440
00:17:50,978 --> 00:17:52,415
- All right, well,
I'm very sorry,
441
00:17:52,495 --> 00:17:54,584
but you do appear
to have toxoplasmosis
442
00:17:54,618 --> 00:17:57,186
from exposure to cat feces.
443
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,264
- Aww!
444
00:17:59,299 --> 00:18:03,433
- We need you to get some rest.
Try not to move.
445
00:18:03,545 --> 00:18:06,852
- Will the head of the FCC
be OK, Doctor?
446
00:18:06,924 --> 00:18:08,143
- His bones are healing,
447
00:18:08,225 --> 00:18:10,358
so he may regain
full range of motion.
448
00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:14,787
But if the toxoplasmosis
parasite gets to his brain...
449
00:18:14,898 --> 00:18:17,118
I'm afraid he may lose
his freedom of speech.
450
00:18:17,239 --> 00:18:19,806
- Oh, no!
451
00:18:19,925 --> 00:18:22,058
- We'll do everything we can.
452
00:18:24,865 --> 00:18:27,781
[sinister music]
453
00:18:27,855 --> 00:18:30,162
? ?
454
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:34,461
- Mr. Carr, why do you keep
meddling in my plans?
455
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:35,878
- Huh?
456
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,743
- I've been trying
to convince the boss
457
00:18:37,865 --> 00:18:41,477
to get rid of the baby.
458
00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:43,942
I am next in line
to be president.
459
00:18:44,019 --> 00:18:46,108
That baby cannot be born.
460
00:18:46,142 --> 00:18:48,883
And if you continue
to interfere,
461
00:18:48,915 --> 00:18:51,744
I will make things
very difficult for you.
462
00:18:51,775 --> 00:18:54,953
- [groaning]
463
00:18:54,982 --> 00:18:57,463
- We can do this the easy way,
464
00:18:57,582 --> 00:18:59,976
or we can do it the hard way.
465
00:19:00,009 --> 00:19:02,315
?
466
00:19:08,589 --> 00:19:11,505
[phone ringing]
467
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,183
- Hello.
468
00:19:15,219 --> 00:19:17,917
Uh, yes, is this the office
of the president?
469
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,515
Yes, it is.
470
00:19:19,552 --> 00:19:21,380
I've got a young man
who's saying one of our
471
00:19:21,502 --> 00:19:24,157
predictive market bets
is offensive to Jews?
472
00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:26,104
Ooh, that sounds bad.
473
00:19:26,139 --> 00:19:27,793
Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.
474
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,265
Well, the president isn't here,
475
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,000
but I'm, like,
a special advisor,
476
00:19:31,122 --> 00:19:33,342
so I can probably
get the bet taken down.
477
00:19:33,462 --> 00:19:35,856
Ooh, I'm a special
advisor too!
478
00:19:35,976 --> 00:19:37,542
Oh, really? That's great.
479
00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:39,799
Can you email me
the bet in question?
480
00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:41,486
Yeah, I'm emailing it now.
481
00:19:41,522 --> 00:19:42,872
Oh, yeah, I see it.
482
00:19:42,909 --> 00:19:45,172
OK, I'll need to approve
with the financial company
483
00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:48,078
backing all the app since the
bet money needs to be returned.
484
00:19:48,196 --> 00:19:50,981
OK, thanks,
I'll let all the Jews know.
485
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,695
- What the hell?
486
00:19:57,773 --> 00:19:59,122
- They took it down.
487
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,678
We were all gonna win,
and they took down our bets.
488
00:20:03,797 --> 00:20:05,450
- How can the app company
do that?
489
00:20:05,573 --> 00:20:07,183
- I got in at nine-to-one odds.
490
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:09,091
This is b-b-bullshit!
491
00:20:09,169 --> 00:20:10,997
- Yeah, these apps
are totally corrupt.
492
00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:14,732
[whistle blows]
- Guys! For the love of God!
493
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,588
[laughter]
494
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:21,363
- Well, Cartman,
I just wanna say thanks.
495
00:20:21,389 --> 00:20:23,740
You know, it's crazy,
but nobody else here
496
00:20:23,773 --> 00:20:26,471
gave a crap about how I was
feeling except for you.
497
00:20:26,546 --> 00:20:28,157
- Oh, that's all right, Kyle.
498
00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:30,586
I'm just happy the bet
got taken down.
499
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:32,230
Now none of these sickos
can profit
500
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:33,790
off of what your mom does.
501
00:20:33,870 --> 00:20:35,088
- Yeah, well, those people
502
00:20:35,213 --> 00:20:38,564
would have all lost the bet
anyway.
503
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,420
- What do you mean they would
have all lost the bet?
504
00:20:40,499 --> 00:20:44,286
- Well, I know the reason
my mom went Israel.
505
00:20:44,399 --> 00:20:46,488
- It wasn't to bomb
a Palestinian hospital?
506
00:20:46,523 --> 00:20:47,872
- No, when my mom
left the house,
507
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,041
she said she was gonna find
508
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,298
the person responsible
for all this
509
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,120
and give them
a piece of her mind.
510
00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:02,604
KYLE'S MOM [muffled]:
You are not going
511
00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:04,166
to talk to me like that!
512
00:21:04,204 --> 00:21:05,814
I am extremely upset,
513
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:09,418
and I am not leaving
until I have said my piece!
514
00:21:09,447 --> 00:21:13,016
There you are,
Mr. Netanyahu!
515
00:21:13,130 --> 00:21:14,958
Just who do you think you are,
516
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,430
killing thousands
and flattening neighborhoods,
517
00:21:17,551 --> 00:21:19,161
then wrapping yourself
in Judaism
518
00:21:19,197 --> 00:21:21,591
like it's some shield
from criticism?
519
00:21:21,711 --> 00:21:23,713
You're making life for Jews
miserable
520
00:21:23,791 --> 00:21:26,533
and life for American Jews
impossible!
521
00:21:26,564 --> 00:21:28,740
Oh, don't you roll your eyes
at me, mister.
522
00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:30,340
You know what you're doing,
523
00:21:30,464 --> 00:21:32,553
and you're doing it
on purpose!
524
00:21:32,587 --> 00:21:34,327
Well, now you can just sit
in that chair,
525
00:21:34,450 --> 00:21:36,583
'cause I'm not
going anywhere, buster!
526
00:21:36,704 --> 00:21:38,663
I've been to every
PTA meeting,
527
00:21:38,784 --> 00:21:40,264
every school board meeting,
528
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,128
and I can go all day!
529
00:21:42,178 --> 00:21:46,728
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