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1
00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:17,016
[ australian accent ]
what do you think you're doing?
2
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,817
Grew this out
just for tonight.
3
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,619
Well, I wouldn't do that.
That doesn't look good.
4
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,187
Good comb-overs -- you don't
even know they're there.
5
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,689
Oh, people will notice.
6
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,024
Well, georgia's
gonna be there tonight.
7
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,158
I want to put
my best foot forward.
8
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,993
Well, probably not
with that comb-over.
9
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,028
How do I look?
10
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,229
Like stephen hawking
11
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,363
At a charity event
or something.
12
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,464
You look fantastic.
13
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,999
So, why are you going,
billy?
14
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,034
It's not even your class.
15
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,402
I go to everything.
16
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,503
You never know
what's gonna happen.
17
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,138
Jim:
Rodney, you going home?
18
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,573
No. "the apprentice" is on next
with gary busey.
19
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,175
I think it's entertaining
20
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,577
To watch mentally handicapped
people on television.
21
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,214
I'm gonna get in there
22
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,916
And make a good impression
on georgia and just get out.
23
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,484
You know, I mean, high school
was a great time in my life.
24
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,053
Jim: Yeah, I'm looking
forward to this.
25
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,821
American women -- they love
the australian accent.
26
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,022
[ australian accent ]
do they, mate?
27
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,190
It's what got me
katie knox.
28
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,892
Yeah, and it also got you
dumped by her.
29
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,661
She'll be kicking herself
that she broke up with me.
30
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,063
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
31
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,265
I'm a comedian.
I've been on tv.
32
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,499
Both: "three times."
33
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,902
Yeah, three times
more than you.
34
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,504
Oh, my god!
Jim jefferies!
35
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,706
Hi!
[ laughs ]
36
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,708
Hey.
Hey...Judy.
37
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,278
You are so funny -- acting
like you don't remember me.
38
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,245
I don't, so...
39
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,447
I do.
Okay.
40
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,449
Well, here
is your name tag.
41
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,285
I have somebody
who is dying to see you.
42
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,053
Of course you do.
Come on.
43
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,088
You're gonna love this.
44
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,289
Remember judy?
45
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,690
No.
Oh, man.
46
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,125
All right, let's get in
and get out of here.
47
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,760
Judy: And you made that
look so hard.
48
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,095
Oh, my god. Nicole.
Hi!
49
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,262
Hi, judy!
50
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,530
Do you remember jim?
Of course.
51
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,866
Do you remember nicole?
Don't remember you.
52
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,468
Oh, no, no.
He's doing that to everybody.
53
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,469
He's so funny.
54
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,105
Aw, jesus!
Come on, jim!
55
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:48,474
He said he rsvp'd me.
What an asshole.
56
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,442
Hey, grab one
of those leftover name tags.
57
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,444
I'm not gonna pretend
like I'm somebody else.
58
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,746
No, I am.
59
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,315
[ laughing ]
oh, good one.
60
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,016
Look who I found.
61
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:01,787
Kate.
62
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:05,757
Jim. Hi.
63
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:08,393
Hi. Um...
64
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,495
How are you?
65
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,730
I'm good. You?
66
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,266
I'm good.
67
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,335
Okay, I want you in the photo
booth right now.
68
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,402
No, no, no.
Come on.
69
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,937
Just one picture.
Judy, judy, judy.
70
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,305
Let's go, let's go.
Please. Just for me.
71
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,741
Right here.
Oh, you are so pretty.
72
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,143
Jim, brown is your color.
73
00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:26,478
Okay, um,
closer together, please.
74
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,114
Oh, you two were
such an item.
75
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,349
Smile for me.
76
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,583
[ camera shutter clicks ]
77
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,952
You guys look
so good together.
78
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:37,189
Michelle klein, I have somebody
who wants to see you.
79
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,526
Judy said you were
dying to see me?
80
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:43,328
Um...No.
81
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,364
[ chuckles ]
82
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,999
You know how judy is.
83
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:50,135
♪ if you steal my sunshine
84
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,170
Ouch.
85
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:53,338
Yeah, she's totally
kicking herself.
86
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,174
I'm gonna make a lap.
87
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:56,308
What? Don't go.
88
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,177
♪ if you steal my sunshine
89
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,379
♪ my sunshine
90
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,980
Man: Hey, jim.
How are you?
91
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,282
♪ if you steal my sunshine
cool.
92
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,453
Oh, god.
What?
93
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,055
It's one
of the mays twins.
94
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,390
Judy: Oh, my god.
Hey, man.
95
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,858
Hey.
Cade mays?
96
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:13,992
Billy:
Are you kidding me?
97
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,661
My god.
He is dreamy.
98
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,829
I spent half of freshman year
stuffed into a locker
99
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:18,664
Because of those two.
100
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,032
You're right.
101
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,533
It was the best time
of your life.
102
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,669
I have like 10 people
who are dying to see you.
103
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,070
I'm gonna go talk to him.
104
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:28,407
I'm gonna get a beer...
See who else I know.
105
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,642
Rachel?
Jim.
106
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:33,679
You look amazing.
107
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,214
You look all professional
and shit.
108
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:36,248
Well done, tubbs.
109
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,250
Tubbs?
110
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:41,220
I'm a prosecutor in chicago --
family law.
111
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,888
Wow. Family law.
112
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,890
Well, I need one.
Just beat my wife.
113
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,391
No?
114
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,693
Don't have a wife,
so that's the joke.
115
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,328
Um...
116
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,696
Geez, we used to have fun
back in school, didn't we?
117
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,265
Yeah.
So, what are you doing now?
118
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,833
Oh, you haven't heard?
No.
119
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,001
I'm a comedian.
120
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,236
Yeah, I've been on tv
three times.
121
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,504
Wow. No, 'cause I watch
a ton of comedy.
122
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,273
Um, do you go
by your real name?
123
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,442
Um...Yeah,
jim -- jim jefferies.
124
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,843
Huh.
Same -- same name.
125
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:07,346
[ tires screech ]
oh!
126
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,413
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
127
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,249
I'm in a wheelchair.
128
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,117
Randall?
129
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,254
Do I know you?
130
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,689
Oh, my god.
Randall, what happened?
131
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,224
I'm sorry.
132
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,260
I-I don't remember much
after the accident.
133
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,295
It's me -- nicole.
134
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,597
Nicole.
135
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,466
Oh, my god.
It's so good to see you.
136
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,001
You look...
137
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,503
...Different.
138
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:33,939
So, where are you living?
139
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,741
Oh, I still live
around here.
140
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,442
Um, I live with,
uh, steve.
141
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,279
Hey, tubbs!
Looking good, baby!
142
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,480
I see you guys
really have moved on.
143
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,115
[ chuckles ]
144
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,916
Wow. You used to tease me
relentlessly.
145
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,318
[ laughing ] yeah.
146
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,287
Yeah, I always used to make fun
of everyone.
147
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,422
You know, we had a lot
of laughs, good times, really.
148
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:51,323
Good times.
149
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,924
You were mean to me, jim.
150
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,494
Oh, come on, tubbs.
I wasn't mean to you.
151
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,628
We were friends.
152
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,497
It was jim and tubbs,
tubbs and jimmy.
153
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,299
I see that you have
put on some weight.
154
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:03,335
Whoa!
Geez, that's hurtful.
155
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:07,105
Yeah!
Cake and beer.
156
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,140
Hey, steve.
157
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,574
Hey, man.
158
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,909
Mark.
Mark.
159
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,511
Sorry, man.
I don't remember you.
160
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,512
Well, I remember you.
161
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,347
Uh, you hung out
with gary.
162
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:16,448
You had a mullet.
163
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,950
Wow. Thought I had
a good memory.
164
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,652
What have you been up to?
165
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,154
Quit drinking seven years ago
after some major surgery.
166
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,523
Whoa!
That's got to be tough.
167
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:25,757
The drinking
or the surgery?
168
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,359
Both, but the drinking.
169
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,760
Yeah.
Holy crap.
170
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,495
Well, the surgery fixed
a long-time problem.
171
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,797
I had to quit
to get it done,
172
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,432
But, yeah, the drinking
I do kind of miss.
173
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,766
If you want a beer,
just tell me.
174
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,101
I'll go get you a beer,
man.
175
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,502
Steve, I'm good,
thank you.
176
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,504
I went home every night
junior year and cried
177
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,540
Because of the things
that you said to me.
178
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:42,607
You did?
179
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,376
Yeah.
180
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,546
Ah, um...
181
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,382
I-I'm sorry, rachel.
I thought I was being funny.
182
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:53,185
[ laughing ] I had such
a huge crush on you.
183
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,786
I would have sat
on nails.
184
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,455
You know what?
185
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,390
I should thank you
because in my line of work,
186
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,959
Having a tough skin --
it really helps.
187
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,362
Well, glad to have helped.
188
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,797
Uh...
You look great.
189
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,033
And -- and if it means
anything,
190
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,203
I'll have sex with you now.
191
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,637
Oh. [ laughs ]
192
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:13,572
No?
No, no.
193
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,907
No.
[ laughing ]
194
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,488
The people here
are a bunch of...
195
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,556
Hey, I remember you.
You're a crazy guy.
196
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,024
Mark.
Jim.
197
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,493
Yeah, mark was just
thanking me
198
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,194
For getting in the face
of the mays twins.
199
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,196
He never did that.
Mark: No, he did.
200
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,831
It was -- it was --
it was very cool.
201
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,433
It was
a very nice thing to do.
202
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,834
Yeah, see?
See?
203
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,236
High school was great!
204
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:45,404
Yeah, it was great.
205
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,738
What happened
with katie?
206
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,273
She, uh --
she shoot you down?
207
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,008
I don't know what
I'm gonna do with it.
208
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,577
Where the hell's
mary fulcher?
209
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,212
[ laughs ] we'd see that beast
if she was walking around.
210
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,914
Hey! She was sweet.
211
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:00,051
I-I don't think
she's gonna be here.
212
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,053
This group was never
very nice to her.
213
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,589
Yeah, it's a shame.
Mary was the best.
214
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,625
Her nipples were, like,
strawberry-colored.
215
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:07,592
Oh, man.
216
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,861
Mary was my first.
Oh, god.
217
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,530
She was.
218
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,432
Then you started dating georgia,
and then those --
219
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,600
Those mays guys started
calling her "atlanta georgia"
220
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,068
'cause her ass
was the size of atlanta.
221
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,270
[ laughs ]
222
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,438
Very smart,
those mays guys.
223
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,773
[ laughs mockingly ]
224
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,209
Oh, god!
225
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:25,477
I married her.
226
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,711
[ laughs ]
227
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,313
We made a daughter together.
228
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,481
Oh, congratulations.
No.
229
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,315
I didn't know that.
Great.
230
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,484
Steve.
231
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,286
Oh, atlanta.
232
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,554
We're divorced now.
233
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:36,721
So, steve,
do you still want
234
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,089
To take emily
to the park tomorrow?
235
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,091
Oh, georgia, may I?
236
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,928
May I take my own daughter out
to celebrate her birthday,
237
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,663
Please,
three weeks late?
238
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,298
Steve.
I would have done it
on time, mark,
239
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,566
You see,
except that my wife --
240
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,901
Georgia, new hairdo?
Yes.
241
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,737
Looks great.
Thanks, jim.
242
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,508
Great job
accepting it, mate.
243
00:07:56,510 --> 00:08:01,613
It's a process,
like photosynthesis.
244
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:05,150
Hey, george, we had some good
times in this gym, didn't we?
245
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,652
Oh, steve, please.
Come on.
246
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,520
Remember back by the door
247
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,021
When I was giving you
the fingers?
248
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,157
Oh, my god.
That is so inappropriate.
249
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,259
Screw you,
you fingering slut.
250
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,594
Ugh!
251
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,429
Let me know
if you find my class ring.
252
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,665
Hey, kate.
253
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,667
Hi, jim.
254
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,970
You want to have a dance?
No.
255
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,305
Can we talk?
We are talking.
256
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,542
Yeah, um, just alone, like,
the two of us outside.
257
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:33,678
I really -- I'd like to,
um, have a talk.
258
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,147
Jim, you really hurt me.
259
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,516
I hurt you?
260
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,683
Yeah.
261
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,985
Yep.
262
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,486
I just need five minutes.
I just --
263
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,555
All you bitches
can go to hell!
264
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:44,856
Shit.
265
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,625
I think you should go
help your friend.
266
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,396
What are you
gonna tell me?
267
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,398
You're gonna tell me how
you got so damn tall, dude?
268
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:58,570
Then on the hillary steps,
without oxygen, my sherpa fell.
269
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,405
[ gasps ]
270
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,341
My choice -- take the blow
from his body with my own
271
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:07,579
Or watch him fall thousands of
feet off the face of everest.
272
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:08,813
[ gasps ]
oh, my god.
273
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,649
So, I took the blow.
274
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,718
There is no question
that you have been blessed.
275
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,820
And I think we should pray.
276
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:18,723
Thank you, little lord jesus
for sending...
277
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,758
Katie.
278
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,427
[ sighs ]
what, jim?
279
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,762
Why are you being
such a dick to me?
280
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,330
I'm being a dick?
You're being a dick.
281
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,765
You really hurt me,
282
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,766
And now you don't have
the common courtesy
283
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,833
To talk to me
all these years on?
284
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,602
Really?
I-I hurt you?
285
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,837
Yeah, just moved away,
didn't even tell me.
286
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,606
Uh, yeah,
'cause I kind of had to.
287
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,742
I kind of had to get on a bus
for 14 hours
288
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,911
With a bunch of flowers
just so I could get to the door,
289
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,680
And your dad answers it
290
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,615
And tells me you never want
to speak to me again.
291
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,550
Wait. He did?
292
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,785
Yeah.
293
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:49,187
[ sighs ]
294
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,422
I'm sorry.
I-I...
295
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,856
Sorry?
What -- what was that?
296
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,391
You're sorry.
297
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,594
What, you're sorry that
you, uh, broke my heart?
298
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,762
You're sorry that you,
uh, pretty much destroy--
299
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,064
You ruined me.
300
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:02,467
I'm 16 years old.
I'm just crying my eyes out.
301
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,736
Please --
please don't laugh.
302
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,271
Sorry.
Please.
303
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,373
I felt like
I lost an arm.
304
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,276
You know, you --
you were the first girl
305
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,745
I-I waited to sleep with.
306
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:17,816
And you're the last girl
I ever waited...To sleep with.
307
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,217
[ chuckles ]
308
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,253
Well, you pretty much ruined
my 20s, so...
309
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,655
Good. I'm listening.
310
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,491
It was just one bad relationship
after another, and...
311
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:29,661
I live in sacramento,
for christ's sakes.
312
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:32,497
Sacramento -- that's
the worst bit of that story.
313
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,065
Judy: Oh, excuse me.
314
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,167
Everybody, uh, we have
a little slide-show presentation
315
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,402
For you.
316
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,304
First up,
"where are they now?"
317
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,741
Class clown and most likely
to be arrested...
318
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,676
[ laughter ]
...Jim jefferies.
319
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:47,412
Jim has been on tv
three times.
320
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,680
[ crickets chirping ]
321
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,248
Wait.
Where is jim now?
322
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,418
Probably out back trying
to bang katie knox again!
323
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,320
[ laughter ]
324
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,489
Obviously, you know I'm a --
I'm a comedian now.
325
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,823
I'm happy with that.
326
00:10:58,825 --> 00:10:59,691
I've been on tv
like six times.
327
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,527
Oh, that's --
no, it's three.
328
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:05,697
I just wanted to...
I've been on tv three times.
329
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,932
Every time you come
to the bay area, I go.
330
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,769
Well, I've played
in some pretty small crowds.
331
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:13,505
I think I would have --
um, why didn't you say hi?
332
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,607
I was mad, dumb-ass.
333
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:20,011
Biggest change --
mary fulcher...
334
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,714
Mary -- mary! Yeah!
335
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,215
Pay attention, georgia.
336
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,784
This is what a real woman
looks like.
337
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:26,885
[ laughter ]
338
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:31,122
...Uh, who is now mark fulcher.
339
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,157
[ laughs ]
[ applause ]
340
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,459
Huh?
341
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,695
Judy:
So handsome, right?
342
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:39,864
Oh, my god!
Are you kidding me?!
343
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,800
I was trying to find
the right moment to tell you.
344
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,802
Oh! Mmm!
345
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:48,840
The night just keeps
getting better.
346
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,143
Some of our classmates
couldn't be here tonight,
347
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,879
But they are here via youtube.
348
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,881
[ applause ]
[ laughs ]
349
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,850
Greetings, everybody,
from here in africa.
350
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:01,319
Shit!
I am
at a christian orphanage.
351
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,521
I just wanted to say hello
to everybody,
352
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,757
Especially lisanne
and the bible-study group.
353
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:06,825
You guys are...
We got to go.
354
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:07,992
Hey, did you know
355
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:10,261
My first sexual encounter
is now a man?
356
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,896
Yeah, I knew that.
357
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,498
And, uh, you didn't bother
to tell me?
358
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,066
I didn't want
to embarrass him.
359
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,502
Do you remember the --
the last time we had sex?
360
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,604
Uh...No.
Let me -- let me paint
a picture.
361
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,005
Uh, your house.
362
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,574
There was some music
playing in the background --
363
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,609
Guns n' roses,
"appetite for destruction."
364
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,077
[ laughs ]
you had the hair.
365
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,612
[ both laugh ]
366
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,881
I remember a lot of crying
is what I remember.
367
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,716
But you were crying.
368
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:34,352
I-I never -- well, yes,
it was me, yes.
369
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,920
I was the one who cried.
370
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,123
And now it is time
for "in memoriam."
371
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,424
Ooh, I love this part.
372
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:43,928
♪ amazing grace
[ laughs ]
373
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,530
What?!
♪ how sweet the sound
that's awesome.
374
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,365
That's it!
No!
375
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:50,735
Hey, it's spelled
with a "v," not "p-h"!
376
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:51,903
And it's not nuggett!
377
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,305
It's nugent, you assholes!
378
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,374
Please!
You got my birth date wrong!
379
00:12:56,376 --> 00:13:00,211
You know I was held back
two years because of biology!
380
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,746
I was born in '75!
381
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:04,816
You know, I can't say
I've ever...
382
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,552
...Met the right girl.
383
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,788
And why was that?
384
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,824
Sanity.
385
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,631
Uh, um...
386
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,768
Your dad's
a really convincing guy.
387
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,470
He was.
388
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,005
[ feedback ]
389
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,773
Mary, mark, whatever it is
over there...
390
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,275
I got to tell you something,
mary.
391
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,277
I'm so proud of you.
392
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:35,847
I'm so proud of you
'cause you had the balls --
393
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,348
Or the vagina or whatever --
394
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,417
To become who
you really wanted to be.
395
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,852
Thank you.
396
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:44,789
You can all just suck my dick --
or mary's new dick.
397
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:47,358
Brand-spanking-new dick.
Got that new-dick smell.
398
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,426
It's new.
399
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,932
Jim! Jim!
400
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,000
Dude.
401
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,969
What, billy?
402
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,004
Remember when we told them
that steve was dead?
403
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,339
Well,
it's getting out of hand.
404
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,810
He's probably gonna get
his ass kicked.
405
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,812
I...
All right.
406
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,347
I'm gonna go watch.
It's okay.
407
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,052
Sorry.
408
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,053
Shit!
409
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,487
There's only two people
410
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,189
In this whole room
I give a shit about, anyway.
411
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,657
That's right.
412
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,727
That's mary fulcher
and gary trusdale.
413
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,395
Gary!
[ feedback ]
414
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,396
[ laughs ]
415
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,731
You know what?
416
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,734
I'm proud to say
that I hit that.
417
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:30,869
Steven, please.
418
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,670
Oh, please yourself,
georgia.
419
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,673
Go please yourself.
Right by that door.
420
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,542
Okay, buddy.
That's enough.
421
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,144
Yeah, whoa.
"enough, enough," cade, wade,
422
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,846
Or whatever the hell
your name is.
423
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,548
Where's your twin brother?
424
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,649
I want to -- I got something
I want to say to both of you.
425
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:45,917
Bring that dickhead out here.
426
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:49,220
He died.
He was beaten to death.
427
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:53,057
Well, that's a bit of good news,
isn't it?
428
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,659
[ gasping ]
429
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:55,960
[ laughs ]
430
00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,163
Oh!
431
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:02,233
Got nothing to say now,
huh? What?
432
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,370
What's that?
433
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,071
No!
434
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,439
Gary's dead?!
435
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,941
Nobody told me that!
Steve, stop.
436
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,876
I didn't know
that gary was dead!
437
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,344
You didn't tell me
gary died!
438
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,445
Jim:
Steve nugent, everyone.
439
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,513
Play "free bird"!
440
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,781
[ laughs ]
441
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,683
Okay, uh,
I think what steve here
442
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,019
Was trying to say is that,
443
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,021
Um, we've all had our trials
and problems.
444
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,189
Maybe there's a --
445
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,926
There's a love that we lost
and, uh, missed.
446
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,294
We all make mistakes.
447
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:32,263
I think steve would be
the first here to say
448
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:36,768
That he's probably...Made
more mistakes than most.
449
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:37,902
Steve:
You don't speak for me!
450
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:40,305
But we're all human.
451
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:44,108
And, uh, wade, I'm --
I'm sorry about your loss, mate.
452
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,109
I'm cade.
453
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,911
Either way.
454
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,713
We got to get going, buddy.
455
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:49,981
Yeah, I told them.
456
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:52,283
Yeah, you did.
457
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,918
Judy:
Well, that was not very funny.
458
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,720
Hey, I'm sorry I told
everyone you were dead.
459
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:56,921
Why'd you do that?
460
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,089
Billy thought
it'd be funny.
461
00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:58,957
Oh!
462
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,925
[ laughing ] and it was!
463
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:03,127
Steve, I'm embarrassed.
464
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,129
You make me so hard.
465
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,597
Hey, see you
in five years.
466
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:07,999
Who's that?
467
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:08,933
George zimmerman.
[ gasps ] really?
468
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:09,968
No, a different one.
469
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,836
Steve.
Give me a call.
470
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:14,105
Mark, mark,
you're a good guy, man.
471
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,507
And this is the weirdest
night of my life.
472
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,510
But I want you
to come home with me.
473
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,179
If you ever want to stop
drinking, just give me a call.
474
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,147
I don't have a drinking
problem, dickhead!
Hey.
475
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,582
I got to carry him home.
Let me help you.
476
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,452
[ gasps ]
katie's here, jim.
477
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,120
Jim talks about you --
oh!
478
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:31,155
Okay, come on.
Oh, man.
479
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,623
Come on.
480
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,859
Do you know my first girlfriend
has a dick now?
481
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,527
Yeah.
Everyone knows but me.
482
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:37,595
Hey, billy.
Oh, hey.
483
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,197
Is that your name?
484
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,665
Yeah. Sorry about that.
485
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,367
I forgive you.
486
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,970
And if you ever want to find
the love of christ, call me.
487
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:48,439
[ laughs ]
I've died like seven times.
488
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,675
Trust me --
there's nothing there.
489
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,177
[ laughs ]
490
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,879
[ insects chirping ]
491
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,183
[ laughs ]
what's that look for?
492
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,186
I don't know.
I-I, uh...
493
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:07,191
I can't remember wanting
someone to stay after sex.
494
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,227
[ laughs ]
oh, I'll go.
495
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,062
No! You have to stay.
496
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:12,997
It's -- it's important
that I learn.
497
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,132
[ laughs ]
498
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:20,004
When's the last time
you felt...Not alone?
499
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:23,207
Uh, the last time
I had sex with you.
500
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,376
Wow, jim.
You're good.
501
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,311
No, no.
That was -- please.
502
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,212
Come on. I was serious.
503
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,213
Really?
504
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,916
Yeah.
505
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,485
You -- you really should
have tried with us, katie?
506
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,320
Why -- why didn't you
try with us?
507
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:39,590
My dad hated you, jim.
508
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:43,227
He said you used me.
509
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,229
My family sent me
to utah.
510
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,597
Why?
511
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,140
To have an abortion.
512
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,280
Um...Uh...
513
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,115
It was, uh, with me?
514
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,250
W-was that --
you know what?
I got -- I got to go.
515
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,718
I-I have a plane to catch.
516
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,253
No, you can't go now.
517
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,189
You've got to just stay,
please.
I can't.
518
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,623
Jim, this was
a one-off, okay?
519
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,559
I needed closure.
Yeah, but...
520
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:17,061
But what, jim?
[ sighs ]
521
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,163
I can't have a train wreck
in my life. I...
522
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,767
This was amazing.
523
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,103
Really, I did not expect this
to happen.
524
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,873
And you were really brave
for telling me
525
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,541
How bad it hurt you.
526
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:39,383
It has haunted me.
527
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,385
♪ hello there
528
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:44,755
When my dad said
that you didn't...Call
529
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:48,059
And that you didn't care,
and now I know you did.
530
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,131
It means so much.
531
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,333
♪ we can live like jack
and sally if we want ♪
532
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:58,803
Thank you.
533
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,339
♪ and we'll have Halloween
on christmas ♪
534
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,308
♪ and in the night,
we'll wish this never ends ♪
535
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,145
♪ we'll wish this never ends
536
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:24,262
Jim: Get up.
You've got to go see em.
537
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,596
[ groaning ] no.
538
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,165
She's all you've got left
except for me and billy,
539
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,132
And he's gonna die.
540
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,834
Oh, don't say that.
541
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,135
Jim!
542
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,704
♪ where are you?
543
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,374
Get in the shower,
steve!
544
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,542
♪ I cannot sleep
545
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,143
♪ I cannot dream tonight
546
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:41,546
♪ I need somebody and always
547
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,947
Billy: You know,
I'm really glad I went.
548
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,315
It was nice being randall
for a while.
549
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:47,718
God, jim!
550
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,554
Jesus, billy.
551
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,055
What about her present,
man?
552
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,323
Got it covered.
553
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,458
Was last night bad?
It wasn't good.
554
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,660
We told everyone
that you were dead
555
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,727
'cause we thought
it was funny.
556
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,362
That is kind of funny.
557
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,530
I wish I remembered.
558
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,399
How was your night?
559
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:04,001
Turns out that my life
could have been very different.
560
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,737
Yeah, what about mine?
Mary fulcher's a man?
561
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,539
Emily:
I love you, daddy.
562
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,374
Yeah, I love you,
too, kid.
563
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,476
Happy birthday.
I got you a gift.
564
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:13,544
Ooh!
565
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,314
Rip it open.
Okay.
566
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,349
I love it!
Yeah.
567
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:21,385
'cause it gets cold
in cincinnati.
Yep.
568
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,187
Here.
569
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,555
Got it?
570
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,357
I love it.
Look at it, daddy!
571
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,692
I grew!
572
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:30,361
Yeah, you did.
573
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,029
I'm an airplane!
574
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,432
Whoo!
Airplane!
575
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,400
I'm an airplane!
576
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:41,305
Airplane! Airplane!
Airplane!
577
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,412
Don't be sad, dad.
I'm not sad.
578
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,014
I'm happy.
I'm just happy you're here.
579
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,617
That's all.
Me too.
580
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,252
Bye, daddy!
581
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:55,453
Bye, kid.
I love you.
582
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,388
I love you, too!
583
00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:02,260
♪ you're already the voice
inside my head ♪
584
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:03,427
What's your
dwarf friend's name?
585
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,062
Brad.
586
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:07,431
Think brad
needs a jacket?
[ both laugh ]
587
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:11,202
♪ you're already the voice
inside my head ♪
what?
40122
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