All language subtitles for English.Teacher.S02E08.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

My landlord keeps blocking my
car and then I have to Oh, shit.

I'm sorry. Keep going.

I'll meditate.

This concludes our
10-minute morning meditation session.

Thank you all
for participating. "Namasti!"

Namaste. He needs
to learn how to say that.

As you all know,
it's been a big couple of days.

And preparing for this state
accreditation process has not been easy

but I am telling you that all that
hard work is going to be so worth it.

So worth it when
Morrison-Hensley finally moves up

from a four-star level

to finally become a five-star,
blue-ribbon institution.

Look, guys.
I'm just going to say

I have long believed that Morrison-Hensley
is the best school in the whole district.

And this is our chance. We're
gonna show these accreditors

that we deserve the five stars
for all the selfless work we do here.

Amazing, Evan. Yes,
thank you. What Evan says.

-Plus we get a really cool plaque.
-Hell yeah.

Yeah, Markie.

Just wondering how we're supposed
to explain to these accreditors

that praying to Buddha is now
encouraged in this school.

No, Markie. No.

Markie, I assume you're talking
about the meditation program.

Meditation is not "praying
to Buddha."

It's literally
just a stress management tool.

I mean, today it's meditation.

Tomorrow the kids are shaving
their heads

and wearing robes to school.
What's next?

They're doing
sacrificial orgies in the gym?

Please, enough. No arguing.
Especially in front of the evaluators.

And, Markie. One more time.

The meditation break
is not religious.

It's the students sitting and thinking.
If that's religious, I'm the Pope.

He'd, low-key,
be a solid Pope

'cause he doesn't have sex.

Markie, if you're so obsessed
with prayer in school,

why don't you just go teach at a
private school or a religious school?

I just want things
to be fair, okay?

Either no prayers allowed
or all prayers allowed, okay?

I'm talking about the weird stuff and
the good old-fashioned normal kind.

It's not prayer.
It is a stress management tool!

It's working on you, clearly.

-Oh, touché.
-Nice.

Are you stressed
because of the accreditation?

No, no, no.
I'm not stressed about that.

The evaluators always love me. If
it's a woman, women love gay men.

If it's a gay guy,
obviously that goes well.

And if it's a straight guy, then he
doesn't want to seem homophobic,

so he either loves me,
or he pretends to love me.

Oh, my God. You've gamed
the system. I should become bi.

What's going on?
I only have a second.

I have to meet my accreditor
in the language lab

-in four in three minutes.
-Grant, Sir.

You know I would do anything
for you, right?

I-I can't do this.
I can't do the accreditation.

I can't deal
with these people.

Oh, don't worry about that,
Rick. Just be yourself.

No, I can't. You-You
don't really I-I can't.

When I'm under a microscope,

I become
a completely different person.

I get totally freaked out.

-Totally freaked out.
-All right. All right, all right.

Hey, isn't today the day you have
to be on the phone all day to colleges

about upcoming applications?

No, that was last month.
Are you stupid?

Pretend. Get it?

You're very busy
on the phone all day

and I'll smooth things over
with your accreditor.

Oh, my God.
You're the best, Grant.

I'm sorry I asked
if you were stupid

-a few seconds ago.
-That's all right.

Okay. Key themes.
Lord of the Flies.

Mr. Marquez, Coach Hillridge
wants to see you in the gymnasium.

Great.

Yeah, I'm honored
to teach these kids.

Especially nowadays, their
physical education gets overlooked.

How so?

Well, everybody wants
their kids to study,

but a lot of these kids
don't have the brains for it.

Most of 'em are going to end up
doing physical labor their entire life.

Markie, what was so urgent?
I-I I have to get back to class.

You know my evaluator is
about to be here.

Speaking of evaluators,
Beverly Murphy, Evan Marquez.

-Hey, how are ya? So nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

So, Bev here was just curious

-about what these students are up to.
-Yes.

Yeah. And, uh, you know, I figured
you could explain it better than I could.

That's what you brought me
in here to ask me, Markie?

Well, this is very funny,
Beverly, because, actually,

Markie knows
what these students are doing.

I do, I do. I -It's something

we've talked about a lot but...

Mr. Marquez, why are you here
talking to Coach Hillridge?

Coach Hillridge called
me here -Talk, talk.

To ask me about these students

-I don't wanna know.
-what they were doing.

But let's all take a moment and enjoy
and appreciate this brand-new gym floor

that was installed last year,
which came in under budget.

Why don't you meditate
on that, kids?

And that's why the movie
Contact is so good.

Ethan, Ethan, with the laser
pointer. Stop it.

Stop. If you do that again, I'm
gonna call your dad, who is a cop.

All right? End it.

Oh, yay! Okay, we have a
special guest accreditor visiting.

His name is Mr. Collins. Yes!
Let's give him a warm welcome.

-Brent.
-Gwen.

Hey, Brent Collins.

-You know what? I'll be right back.
-Okay.

Erica, tell him
what we were just learning.

-What do you mean? When?
-It's history.

You can pick any time.
It's so crazy.

Short King Spring, huh?

-Golding explores the idea that a...
-Evan. Sorry. Are you busy?

I'm in the middle
of teaching a class.

Okay, well, we're all teaching.
I need you.

Okay. I'll-I'll be right back,
guys. Just a teacher thing.

-What's up?
-Brent is my evaluator.

-Who?
-The guy that I dumped and I ghosted.

Brent.

He's in my classroom.

You had no option.
You had to ghost that guy.

All that stuff he had going on you
can't say that to somebody's face.

Yes. Of course.

I mean, what if he gives you
a bad review?

Maybe you should ask
for a different evaluator.

No, that'll make it a bigger
deal than it already is. You know?

You know what? Just-Just focus
on your teaching. It's gonna be fine.

-Yes. Oh, my God. Yes, that's it.
-Yes.

-This is good. I love you.
-It's gonna be okay. Okay.

Okay. Sorry, guys.

I took a minute talking
to Ms. Sanders.

Uh I don't know why
my evaluator isn't here yet.

I'm here.

You-You? You're my evaluator?

Yes.

So-So they have students
that do the evaluations as well?

Yes.

Okay. And you're totally trained

-to do this job and everything?
-Yes.

Okay. Do you have a name?

Yes.

And what is the name?

-Sawyer.
-Sawyer.

Well, great.

Of course, I'm the one that gets
stuck with the student evaluator.

This is crazy. She's staring
at me while I'm trying to eat.

She probably wants to play with
toys with you or something. She's a kid.

I completely froze
in front of this girl.

I feel like they sent me a student
just to throw me off my game.

Dude, you're right. They probably
knew you had no experience with children.

Who are you even on the phone
with right now?

No one, it's a fake call.

Grant said I could do this so
that I don't have to be evaluated

-by one of those accreditors.
-It's a good plan actually.

-It is so convincing.
-Right?

Doesn't it look
like I'm on with CVS?

Now I'm gonna be the reason
we don't get this blue ribbon.

Nope. I will be the reason we don't
get the blue ribbon. I guarantee it.

I-I-I literally ghosted
my accreditor.

Why do you even think
there's bad blood?

Maybe he's just, like,
overwhelmed seeing you again.

Remembering how lucky he is to have
dated you in the first place, you know?

Damn, dude.

At least your evaluator
is pretty cool, Markie.

I mean, she did seem a little
weirded out by the meditation thing,

made her uncomfortable
a little bit,

-you know?
-Is she dim?

Markie, you're uncomfortable.
She's being normal.

Okay. Let me hit you with
this brain tickler, all right?

What if a student was meditating
but holding a Bible the whole time

instead of a meditation cube?

What is a meditation cube?

Stop it.
This is my fault, isn't it?

I said, "Please don't argue
about this one specific topic"

"for the next 24 hours." And now it's
become your forbidden fruit, hasn't it?

Forbidden fruit.
Heard that, Evan?

Like the apple of knowledge Eve plucked
from the tree in the Garden of Eden, huh?

-Rick. Rick.
-Nah.

Cup your phone like it's
so urgent you don't even

-have a moment for me.
-Hang on one second.

My boss won't shut up.
Wait, what?

-Hmm?
-Huh?

I'm sorry.
Are you actually on a call?

No, I'm doing
what you told me to do.

Oh, good.

Anyway. So, blah, blah, blah.

Then they were saying
no taxation

without representation
and the tension was building

until the Boston Massacre!

Um, I probably
shouldn't have shouted massacre

because people died.

And that is a very serious
thing, right, Brent?

So, we should probably write
that down.

-What?
-I just wanna make sure

you're you're not
misrepresenting what I said.

Not that you have any reason
to make me look bad.

Well, why don't you just say
what you mean

because saying what you mean
is a lot better

than saying nothing at all.

Okay, sorry. There's like
a super heavy vibe in here.

-A heavy vibe?
-Yeah, that's the vibe.

Obviously you guys have
picked up on the fact that I

We have, we just, we knew
each other. So, it is a little

Damn. So,
why'd you guys break up?

We're not gonna talk about this
in a classroom setting. So

You're the one
that brought it up.

Actually, I
I wouldn't mind hearing this.

I mean, why did you break up
with me, Miss Sanders?

Okay. So, the, um

What year did the American
Re-Revolutionary War begin?

Not so fast, Miss Blouse.

Two people in here
need some healing.

I don't need to heal.
I'm fine.

I want you to say the truth.

Okay. You had bad breath. I

I had tonsil stones.
They're gone now.

-Okay. Well, you also had a stinky ass.
-Oh!

And another thing, your dog
was shitting in the bed, okay?

He was shitting and eating it.
He was eating it.

He was mushing it into the wood
floor and on the pillows.

It was everywhere, okay?

It-It-It all just felt
a little gross to me.

And I didn't communicate it to you
and I feel really, really bad. I'm sorry.

Well, I-I guess I'm just glad to finally
hear you shoot me straight for once.

You know, I
I feel a lot of closure.

Great.

Fucking love closure.

Really good class, everybody.

Wow, Mr. Marquez, you really
made me want to read.

Thank you, Tina.

Yeah. That was some
great teaching, Mr. Marquez.

Really reignited my interest
in English.

Thanks so much, Jeff.

Great kids. They're always,
like, telling me stuff like that.

Any thoughts so far?

Huh. Yeah.

Well, if you do have any feedback for
me, just know I'm-I'm I'm an open book.

I look forward to hearing

your teaching philosophy
statement, Mr. Marquez.

Mmm, yeah. I look forward
to-to Wait, what?

Your report on your general
worldview as an educator

at this evening's
Accreditation Panel.

Grant, what is this? There's
an Accreditation Panel tonight?

It's a new thing
they're trying this year,

but don't worry, we've got some
help from the parents' committee.

Well, actually one parent
in particular.

What is all this stuff?

-This looks like a war room.
-Yeah.

Grant.
That copier is a hunk of junk.

You need to ditch the ink jet
and hop on the toner train, honey.

Choo-choo.

-Yes, Linda.
-Linda.

In the taut and gorgeous flesh.

How are you, Mr. Marquez?
Not well?

What are you doing here? Why-Why
would you let her be part of this process?

Come on, Evan.
We're on the same side here

-and Linda just...
-No, we're not!

Yes, we do. Linda just wants
to do everything she can

to help us get that blue ribbon.

Come on, Linda.
For once in our lives,

let's just stand here and be
honest with each other, okay?

What's really in it for you?

All right, fine.
Cards, table.

I do own quite a few properties

-in this district.
-There it is.

So, if the school gets
a blue ribbon,

those property values are
gonna go ahead and skyrocket.

The market will have to issue
a code NSYNC.

That's buy, buy, buy.

-Very noble intentions, Linda. As always.
-Come on, babe.

I know we've had our issues
in the past

but the past is called the past
because it happened in the past.

-What?
-Mm-hmm.

Don't act like you're not excited
to have me on your side for once.

Okay, you know what?

If this is what it takes
to get the blue ribbon,

then-then let's let's do it.
What do you have in mind?

Damn, this is some
Sweeney Todd type shit.

Oh. Be care be careful.

All right, game faces,
people. Attention.

Now group three is out there
and they're killing it.

They're looking all like Riverdale
teachers. Very sleek, very shiny.

Now, with y'all I started
in a much frumpier spot

but I'm feeling okay now.
How about y'all?

Yeah, I just sort think
Don't you

Does of any of this
look okay to you?

I feel like I'm looking in the
mirror and I've never looked better.

-Thank you.
-Hmm. You told her about my my thing?

Rick is feeling
anxious about being scrutinized.

I-I-I can't take pressure.

I turn into somebody
I don't even recognize.

I get totally freaked out.
Totally freaked out.

-Totally freaked out!
-Stop freaking out, okay?

All you have to do is read
what I've written for you

and you're gonna be fine,
all right?

Now, that goes
for all of y'all, okay?

Whatever y'all wrote for your
teaching philosophy statements,

just throw it right out.

I have gathered intel, okay?

I have written statements
that are specifically

-Winston.
-Mm-hmm.

That are specifically
tailored -Sorry.

To each
of your individual evaluators.

-Markie?
-Huh?

Oh, my God. Hagrid goes to prom. Okay.

Now listen, your accreditor has
a whole Facebook page

dedicated to how things aren't as
good now as they were in the old days.

So, I'm gonna need you
to hit that pretty hard.

-Gotcha.
-Now Grant.

Your gal is a fiend
for facts and figures.

And I know you got this,
my little nerd.

-Now, Gwen?
-How can I help you, darling?

It seems like you
and Brent patched things up.

Yeah, I think so. I think I did.

Honey, we're just gonna let
the blush do the talking.

This is just some
Far Side cartoons.

-Yeah.
-Okay, Evan.

Now, your accreditor is a bit of a
mystery still, but Winston's on it.

Is Winston making some kind
of a short film or

-Documentary feature.
-Oh, it's a feature?

But what is important is, you
are a 10 and a half, correct?

What's wrong with my shoes?

Nothing, but these will
just give you a little lift.

Linda, I'm not wearing lifts
in my shoes.

They are good enough
for Tom Cruise.

Oh, let me guess. You think you're
better than the goddamn star of Valkyrie.

Valkyrie is the first
Tom Cruise movie you think of?

♪ And that's why
We must get the blue ribbon ♪

♪ The ribbon, the ribbon ♪

Sorry.

It's ribbon time, y'all.

"A one-room school house."

A three-mile walk
through deep snow

down to that humble red shack.

Don't we all just miss
those simpler times?

Back when a nickel could
buy you a soda - Hmm.

"And no one was posting
pictures of their dang meals either."

"Depicting growth trends
with a connection

between marching
band participants -

and high placement
in AP chemistry."

And now I'd like to turn it
over to Rick Santana.

Rick.

Please bear with him. He's a great
guy and a great guidance counselor.

He's just not a big fan
of public speaking.

Come on up, Rick. Come on up.

Smile.

Thank you, Grant, for your
service and for your friendship.

You're a hard act to follow
but I'll try my best.

Now, what if I told you

Morrison-Hensley High outperforms
every school in the district.

Except by one metric which is
per pupil budget allocation.

Whoa, Santana.

What the heck are you
talking about over here?

That's what this
guy's thinking. Am I right?

I mean, either that
or when's supper.

I'm just messing around, buddy.
We're all adults.

-What is going on?
-I'm not good at math

I -but who is

When he said he's not himself
under pressure,

I didn't know that he becomes
someone better.

Take those numbers, put them
together, shake them up,

add some love

and make them add up to 100%
college acceptance rate.

Can we dream it?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I can't hear you.
Can we dream it?

-Yeah.
-Yes!

Hell, yo! Hey, yo. Hey, yo.

My name is Rick Santana

and I want to thank you all
for dreaming along with me.

What the hell was that, dude?

-How'd you know all that stuff?
-I don't know. How long was I out for?

Okay, this is hot
off the presses.

Your accreditor's mother died
when she was very young.

-That's terrible, Linda.
-It is.

It is, but it is
also very useful.

-How is it useful? I don't wanna use that.
-Evan,

we play the hand
we're dealt, okay?

Now, this speech is
a slam dunk. You're Shaq,

the audience is the hoop, and
this girl's dead momma's the ball.

Lastly, our English
department head. Evan Marquez.

Whoo!

Thank you.

Okay.

"Many of our students lack
role models in their lives

and we are here
to be adult role models.

To be the father that they never met
or the mother who left them too soon."

I'm-I'm not Sorry, I'm not doing
this. This is wrong.

Not-Not just the speech but th-this whole
This whole accreditation thing is wrong.

-Okay. Thank you, thank you very...
-No, Grant.

You don't need to shut me up

to-to get the approval
of these random people.

You know,
this-this-this bureaucracy,

this bullshit has been distracting
me and my fellow teachers

from actually teaching all week.

We haven't been able
to do our jobs, okay?

And this whole little song
and dance we're doing

is just a charade orchestrated
by Linda Harrison.

A-A power hungry, greedy woman
who is only in it for herself.

She wants
to raise real estate prices

so that her rich sons will be
richer one day

and she can somehow find a new
way to drag me through hell.

That is not true. Y'all know me.

If you want to know that this is all fake,
let me show you something. Watch this.

That's real.
That's my real height, people.

So, if you can't tell

that this school is an amazing
place full of amazing people

then there's nothing that I can
say in some speech

that's gonna convince you
of that.

You just have to know it
and we know it.

So, we don't need
your approval. Thank you.

Good job, queen.

Well, free expression is a very important
part of this, um

Why don't we all take a break?

And while you guys eat, I'll sing
a little bit of the national anthem.

♪ O say ♪

♪ Can you see ♪

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

Oh, you are
a piece of work, Marquez.

You want to take me down so bad

you're willing to take
the whole school down with me.

Linda, nothing I said
in there was untrue.

I stand by every word I said.

But you know
you'll never get me, right?

I'm not trying to win.
I'm trying to do what's right.

Ow. Oh, my God! Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. My nipple.

It wasn't supposed
to tickle.

You okay?

Yeah, I don't know, man. I
shouldn't have said any of that stuff.

I feel Am I, like, insane?

I mean, I think it. I think it
two or three times a week.

But, you know, you just got a big heart.

-Yeah.
-Excuse me, gentlemen,

can I talk to you privately?

I just need to say something
to you

about this whole
meditation program.

-What about it?
-You know, I was a little concerned

at first but then I realized
what you were doing.

Meditation is the perfect way
to bring real prayer

back into school.

-Oh.
-Hmm.

-That's n...
-People like us,

we've got to stick together.
So, let's join hands.

-Okay.
-Yeah.

We're gonna do a prayer,
I see. Yeah.

Lord, please protect
these young soldiers

of your divine word

who are trying
and doing all they can

to return prayer
to its rightful place.

-Mmm.
-And Lord,

please protect
these young students' minds

from the temptations of Satan.

And their deviant
lifestyle choices

including adultery
and men lying down with men.

-Amen. Thank you so much.
-Amen. Amen. That was so beautiful.

We'll see you in there, Bev.

-Hey, Gwen.
-Hey.

You look like a Flintstone.

Thank you.

Look, I'm sorry about everything
today in the classroom with the kids and-

Thank you for saying that.

-No, thank you.
-Also, I'm really sorry for ghosting you.

-It was immature of me to do that.
-No, no, no, it was...

-That was crazy.
-No, it was perfect

because the whole time
we were dating I was like,

"Sarah or Gwen, Sarah or Gwen."

And you know, you ghosted me

so, I'm married to Sarah
and you know, we're great, so

You were dating somebody else?

-Yes, her name's Sarah.
-Yeah, I got that. Jesus!

I hope Sarah dies.

-That's my wife.
-Whatever, dude.

Uh, excuse me.

Hi, could I get everyone's
attention for just a moment?

Let me get a fry, dog.

After much deliberation

and your moving teacher
statements today -

regardless of how ill-advised
one of them may have been.

We have decided to award Morrison-Hensley
High School with the rating of

-four stars.
-Le' go!

Rick, that's not good.
We wanted the blue ribbon.

Thank you so much for having
us here today and best of luck next time.

Excuse me? Excuse me, if I could
just say a few words before we go.

-Who's that little guy?
-I wanted to be clear about something.

The truth is there was no way we
were going to give Morrison-Hensley

-the blue ribbon.
-What?

Ex-Excuse me. Exc What do you
mean there was no way?

Wh-What were we supposed to do
to get the blue ribbon?

You basically need
an ice skating rink.

Oh.

In Texas?

Also, I would like to just add.

The fact that Mr. Marquez is
constantly taken out of the classroom

to help other teachers with their
problems signifies that he's well-trusted,

well-liked and instrumental to
the daily operations of the school.

That's very nice,
Sawyer. Thank you.

Also, Miss Linda, we don't take height
into consideration for our evaluations.

How's your mom?

You really fucked me
with that speech, didn't you?

And no, this little cat
and mouse game between us

is not erotic for me
at all, Evan.

I'll remind you that I'm married

and you're the gayest man
that's ever lived.

Look, the girl told us that we were going
to be stuck at four stars no matter what.

So, wh-why are you still
blaming me? It wasn't my fault.

Becau It doesn't change your
intent. Intent is nine-tenths of the law.

That's what Dale always said.

That's what's gotten him out of
most of his financial trouble.

I don't even have my gun in
there. I don't know why I'm looking.

Look, unless we get
a skating rink,

this school is not gonna ever
get the blue ribbon. It's okay.

We were all doing a great job
teaching great students.

Isn't that the most
important thing?

Are you kidding me?
Honey, I already put a call in.

To the district superintendent
about starting a tiny little slush fund

for a very beautiful new
Morrison-Hensley ice rink. Yeah.

-That would be awesome actually.
-Yeah, and we'll take out

the arts wing and this
entire faculty parking lot.

And we'll just have a couple
of little Kristi Yamaguchis

sliding around here in no time.

-Okay.
-Sounds terrible.

Evan, I need those lifts back.

No, I'm gonna keep them.
I'm starting to like them.

♪ Standing in line
Marking time ♪

♪ Waiting for The welfare dime ♪

♪ 'Cause they can't buy A job ♪

♪ The man in the silk suit
Hurries by ♪

♪ As he catches
The poor old ladies' eyes ♪

♪ Just for fun, he says
"Get a job" ♪

♪ That's just the way it is ♪

♪ Some things
Will never change ♪

♪ That's just the way it is ♪

♪ Ha ♪

♪ But don't you believe them ♪

♪ They say "Hey, little boy ♪"