All language subtitles for English.Teacher.S02E05.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

Fucking hell.

What if we had, like, a normal morning,
and, like, spent time with each other

and drank coffee and looked at our
phones in silence like a normal couple?

Let's have brunch on Sunday.
I'm just... I'm late. I'm late right now.

Don't act like you're the only
one who's late all the time.

I'm late to things too.

I don't make
a fucking parade out of it.

I have a dignified elegance
about my lateness.

Okay, I'm gonna say
something and, like -Oh, my God.

It's a thing,

but maybe we start to look for a
place that's closer to your school

so you're not always rushing
and freaking out all the time.

I can't have this conversation right
now, Malcolm. I love you so much.

We're already having the
conversation. Just say yes.

-Then I'll say, "Great. Let's do it."
-Stop.

Then the conversation will be over.

I'm serious about the fact that we are
gonna talk about moving in together,

but just now I do not have
the focus or the energy to do it.

Your phone again.

And my mother Oh, my God.
will not stop calling me!

Why are you ignoring
your poor madre?

Because she calls me,
like, 20 times,

and when I finally answer,
she pretends I called her.

-It's ridiculous.
-That's gaslighting.

Ugh. I'm so proud of my mom
for moving to Greece

with her 26-year-old
uncut boyfriend.

-Who told you he was uncut, her or him?
-I mean, I asked,

and he freely
gave away the information.

-Him.
-Yeah.

He's like a son to me though.
We're very close.

Bye.

-actually my dad's cousin.
-Random uncle.

Yeah. Like, what am I
supposed to do with any of this?

"RegisPhilbinRevealed.com."

What are you talking about?

So Markie's uncle died and left him
a bunch of domain names in his will.

-Let me see this shit.
-Oh, that's exciting!

I'm sorry
your uncle died though.

"Very Small Horse.com,
Very Large Horse" -Exactly.

Holy shit. Dude, no way.

-Slimy. This one's slimy.
-What?

He owns fucking Hairz.net.

-Yeah, I got Hairz.net. Right.
-Hairz with a Z dot net?

Thank you.
Thanks, Uncle Timmy.

Yeah, he probably
bought a bunch of those

-in 1999 or something.
-Yeah.

-I'm the only one seeing this?
-Seeing what?

-He's sitting on a fucking gold mine.
-You're kidding, right, Rick?

No, think about the customer base.
Everyone has hairs. Look around.

-Yeah, but nobody says hairs plural.
-Yeah.

Plenty of successful business
are plural. Bonobos.

Mm-hmm. Name one more.

You think of another one.
I'm gonna talk to Markie.

Markie, think about it.
Hairz.net. It sounds like hairnet.

-Hooters. Mm-hmm.
-That is plural.

So what, the website
that sells hairnets online?

No, dude. We're... We're selling
wigs. We're selling hair plugs.

We're selling hair ext
It's the whole hair sector.

Skechers.

This sounds crazy, but what if
you and I go into business together?

Let's make Hairz.net
something spectacular.

Okay. Okay, all right. Yeah.

When I was growing up, I wanted
to play linebacker in the NFL,

then go overseas to fight,

and then I figured when I came home,
I'd open a small business. This is it.

Oh, my God. I can't believe
we're witnessing this. Apple.

This is like Steve Jobs
and Steve Wozniak.

And this dude right here
is gonna be our first customer.

-Grant, you want hair or not?
-What?

Evan, a little chat, please.

Did you know
your mother's been calling me?

She's been calling you directly?

I don't know
how she got my cell number.

Okay, I'm calling again,
Mr. Grant.

What is the dress code for the
teacher of the month ceremony?

Goes on like that
for about five minutes.

What's she talking about?
Teacher of the month?

You won teacher of the month.

Usually we give it to Gwen, but
we thought we'd mix it up this time.

There's a big Facebook post
announcing it all about you.

I would never know about that. I
haven't been on Facebook in years.

Well, your mom is all over it. She
follows me. She follows the school.

All moms are on Facebook.
You called her back?

Just tell her
there's no ceremony. It's fine.

No, I did try that, but she said she
already booked her plane tickets, so

-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.

You fell into her trap, Grant.

She's coming. Isn't that nice?

And then she was asking
about the outlet malls

and bats under the
bridge, and so -

she might be staying a while.

-Oh, my God.
-Are you all right, Evan?

Oh, she's gonna want
the front seat, FYI.

-Oh.
-She gets carsick,

-so she always sits in the front.
-I get so carsick in the back.

She's not gonna care. She's
gonna want the front seat.

With
the teacher of the month thing,

I guess she thinks it's a big deal,
so just try to act like it's a big deal.

I... Yeah. I would say
it's kind of a big deal.

Oh, my God. Yes. You You
When you win it, it's a big deal.

That's like our Oscars.

Be prepared for her being cold
toward you. And if she is...

-She's gonna love me. Moms love me.
-Yeah, she's gonna love you.

My therapist told me

whenever she starts to, like,
complain or try to control things,

I should just
take a deep breath and say,

"I am grateful for this moment."

Mmm. That's good. Yeah.

I gotta steal that.

There she is. Look
at that outfit. It's just...

Oh, also, um, don't say
anything about Malcolm.

She doesn't know about Malcolm,
and I don't want them meeting.

-It would be a disaster.
-Okay.

Mami!

-Mi vida.
-Hola.

-Cariño mío! Ven acá, dame un abrazo.
-Cómo estás?

Thanks for coming.

-Elena, it's so good to see you!
-You know Gwen, my best friend.

-Hey, hi. Nice to see you. Hi.
-Oh, yeah.

Here, I can take
some of your, um -Oh.

Stuff for you. And let me just say... ...estoy muy content a de verte.

Uh-huh. Okay.
Here we go.

They have two different
kinds of chips on the plane.

-Can you believe that?
-Did you hear what she said?

She said, " Estoy muy
content a de verte."

What does she think? That
I don't speak English, right?

-You look great, Mom.
-Oh.

Are you saying I looking better
than last time you saw me?

Yeah. I mean,
you look better every time.

I looked that bad. Like a troll?

No, you did not look
like a troll -

last time, Mom.

This Prius is
falling apart, honey.

-Look at this.
-It's the best I got.

So dirty.
You're not a dirty person.

Ah, coño. Te veo... te veo
como cansado. 'Tas bien, hijo?

-No te veo bien.
-Si?

-Hey, hey, hey, are we taking the highway?
-Yes.

We're taking the highway, Mom.
It's the fastest way.

Okay. I guess
we're all gonna die eventually.

I am grateful
for this moment.

Mom, you're in bed? It's 6:30.

I'm so jet-lagged, higo.

Tengo un jetlag del carajo.

Isn't Miami only,
like, one hour behind Austin?

-They recently changed the time zones.
-What?

I read it on Facebook. Look.

Mom, I thought you said you
were gonna look at Facebook less.

-It's...
-This is full of lies, you know.

This is not lies. Look at this.
Look at the crying puppy.

He's so sad because
nobody came to his birthday.

And on top of that,
he's trapped in Cuba.

Mom... You should know
this, but this is AI. This is not real.

I know it's fake. Still
makes me emotional, honey.

-You know it's fake?
-Of course I know.

It's not his birthday.
His birthday's in July.

Mom,
you're on these sites all day,

and they're feeding you
conservative talking points

like anti-immigration,
anti-gay stuff.

And you're an immigrant,
and I'm gay, so.

I'm not anti-gay. Do you see me
anti-gay? Conservatives, we love gay.

You know Dick Cheney is gay,
right?

Dick Cheney isn't gay, Mom.
Dick Cheney's daughter is gay.

-Well, I-I think he's gay.
-Hold on. I'm gonna get the door. I don't

-Hi. Surprise.
-Oh, shit. Hi.

What are you doing here?
You didn't text.

I'm trying to do these, like, sexy
Kramer-style pop-ins, like, giddyup.

It's just not a good...

-It's not a good time right now.
-Why?

-I'm... I literally can't...
-Do you have a guy here?

-You dirty little dog. Is he hung?
-No. Not a guy.

-Does he follow me? Is he uncut? Ass?
-Yeah. Not a guy. No, no, no.

I'm working. Like, very
hard. And I'm in, like, a deep flow state.

Obsessed with you saying

you're in a flow state
while you're grading papers.

It's insane.

Hey, listen, if you have
a guy over, it's okay.

Like, I wanna do
this open thing right.

I feel like you actually need
to be, like, doing more of that.

We'll work on that, okay? But
right now, I really am working.

-Don't kick me out.
-I love you. I'm just

-No, I'm so bored. I hate you!
-Okay. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you.

-Okay. Good, good.
-Who was it?

It was a delivery,
and they had the wrong address.

I know it was your lover.

-Okay, well, I-I...
-I'm your mother. I know things.

-How did you know...
-I could smell Santal from Le Labo.

You think I
don't know gay cologne?

Why didn't you let him enter?

You can meet him eventually, Mom. Maybe
in, like, a year or something, but...

A year
you'll be with another one.

It's just you shouldn't meet,
Mom.

You have very different opinions
from him. You would not get along.

You're ashamed of me.
That's what's going on, honey.

I'm not
ashamed of you, Mom. I'm

Okay, yes. I'm a little
embarrassed or something.

You are the one who's anti-immigration
because you didn't let him enter.

What? What's that face?

I'm gonna go sleep on the couch.

Controlando.

Reminder that next Tuesday,

the parking lot will be closed
for the student circus.

Yay!

With
magic tricks, clowns, food,

aerial stunts.

No, not aerial stunts.
That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

When does the teacher of the
month ceremony start?

Vamos a tomar una foto...

It's not a
ceremony. It's just a meeting.

If a student comes back
from a dentist appointment

-Una foto pa Facebook, hijo.
-and they're on nitrous oxide,

-do not engage!
-Bueno, pero Mira la cámara.

No hables, no hables.

They may seem high,

but they are protected under Texas law.

Okay. We can do Photoshop later
and take Gwen out of the picture.

Just accept the fact that
their teeth are healing.

Did you ask
Gwen about the photo shoot?

No, not yet. Not yet. I
want to wait till it's not weird.

We want to take a bunch of
photos of her hair. What's weird?

Everything you just said
is weird. No, wait. Wait.

-Psst, Gwen.
-Ow. What the...

-Gwendolyn, please. I'm in the zone here.
-Sorry.

Psst. Wanna be a model? You
can be on our website Hairz.net.

No, I'm okay.

Gwendolyn, please,
with the distractions.

-It's Rick's Rick's doing it.
-So loud. It's her!

Don't be a tattletale, Gwen.
Nobody likes a tattletale.

Gwen, please. Cáll.

Okay, the SAT prep
classes will be held on the field

and not the gym because of the gas leak.

Consequently, football practice
will happen in the band room

Okay, fine. I'll do it. Just
stop getting me in trouble.

Yearbook room. 2:00 p.m.
Be there.

All right, now, very exciting
time. Very excited about this.

Uh, we'd like to announce
the teacher of the month.

So can I have a drumroll,
please?

A little drumroll. And let's
give it up for Evan Marquez!

-Bravo!
-Yes!

-Yeah, Evan! Yeah!
-Thank you. Thanks very much. Thanks.

Stand up, make a speech.
Come on. Sube, anda.

Say something. Say something.

-There you go, you little play a.
-Ponte recto,

-hijo, recto.
-I never made a speech.

-La corbata.
-Your neck. There.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Hello. Thank you all very much.

-I'm very honored.
-Ay, qué lindo.

And I would not be standing
up here if it were not for my mother,

Elena.

Sorry, it's the girls' chat. It's
the girls' chat. Hold on a second.

Venga. Ale, más te.

Can you wrap this up, Mom?

-She's adorable.
-Estoy ocupada, coño.

Mami, por favor, mami.

Tranquilo.

Okay, I'm ready. I.

Uh, Evan,
on behalf of everyone involved,

I'd like to present you with this gift
certificate to Dick's Sporting Goods.

-Congratulations.
-Get together.

-Thank you.
-A little bit together.

Head to head. Cheek to cheek.

Dick up, up. Higher, a little bit
Lower, lower. Okay, now together.

-Do you want me to take it?
-No.

-Take a selfie.
-Okay.

Okay. Hold on. Sorry, it's on
something that's called burst.

I am grateful
for this moment.

Markie.

-What?
-Can you, um...

Can you look after my mom
for about an hour?

She's always been curious
about the life of a PE teacher.

I'm not curious about that.

Mami, Mira.

-Por qué no te sientas acá? Mira.
-Qué pasa? No!

Llegó la hora de iPad.
Tú sientate aquí con el iPad,

y Mira estos juegos
que tu juegas... ya.

-Come. Come here.
-What?

Just
I cannot handle her right now.

Can you just take her for an hour
or two, and I'm gonna cool down...

You need me to watch your mom?

Why not just sic Malcolm on
her? They can shop the day away.

Malcolm does not know my mom
is here, which is a whole other...

He doesn't know
she's here in town?

Wait, I thought
you guys were serious.

I thought y'all were like
boyfriend-boyfriend, you know. Exclusive.

Yeah, we're in a committed
thing. But no, we're open.

Open to what?

We're open. It means you can
see other people, but we're committed.

Wait a minute.

So, y'all are in a relationship together,
but separately just banging other dudes?

Ven, hija.
Come here. I need your help.

-I have to go to class.
-No, you don't.

-Help her, Deirdre.
-Listen.

This is very normal.

It's a standard modern gay relationship.
It's just an open relationship.

Why did gays
fight for marriage rights

if you're just gonna be out there
hound dogging it every night?

Just
watch my mom. She's right there.

-Of course.
-Thank you.

-I got you.
-So basically the goal

is you have to take all the jewels and
get out of the temple. Coño.

So The
Catcher in the Rye

made someone kill
Paul McCartney.

That's effed up. And that's why
I didn't read it.

No, you're thinking about
Ronald Reagan.

They gunned him down
in his prime.

What?

Lennon.
Made somebody kill John Lennon,

or somebody was inspired
to kill John Lennon.

Let's

It's been good today. Let's
wrap up a little early.

I need some time to myself.

What's wrong with you?

Yeah, you've been
acting so emo, little man.

-Yeah.
-You're so sad.

-Are you okay?
-What's up?

My mom is in town,
and she's just a lot.

And she's trying to plan this big dinner
for tonight, and it feels overwhelming.

Your mom is still alive?

Yeah, that's crazy.

Why is that crazy?
She's, like, 62.

What?
Grandmas are always, like, 90.

But, Pablo, she's not a grandma. She's
my mom. A mom of me, and I'm young.

She's not a grandma anyway
because I don't have kids,

and I'm sure
she'd be much happier with me

- if she was a grandma
-Aw.

'Cause she feels like I'm not doing
enough to make her happy all the time.

She's like,
"I flew myself out here."

I'm like,
"I didn't ask you to come."

Sounds like your mom
acts like a martyr a lot.

You should read Gray
Walls, Strong Barriers.

-It's a good one.
-You know what goes harder?

Inherited Mama Trauma.

No, you should
read Parents Are Children.

No, you should read Don't Talk to Your
Parents Unless They Talk to You Right.

That one's better, yeah.

Oh, my therapist
gave me a book -Oh.

And it's called Healing
Parental Bonds.

And it basically gives you
permission to slap your mom.

Yeah, it does not do that.

Okay, um, you guys seem to have some very
complex relationships with your parents.

My relationship to my folks
is simple. They're suing me.

See you guys later.

-Aw.
-Aw. He's sad.

You're acting like Holden
"Caulkfield."

Dangerous.
Give me dangerous. Yeah.

-Look at that, huh?
-No. Delete that one.

-What?
-Absolutely.

-Come on.
-No, that's so bad.

-It's not bad at all. No. It's beautiful.
-It's terrible. Terrible.

Gwen, can you try to look
more smarter? Interesting?

-Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah.
-I think you look like a genius.

-That's right, sister.
-Wig delivery.

Thank you, theater department.
What's up, queens?

What are you talking about?
We're modeling wigs off of my hair.

Like I have the hair
that you want, right?

Don't be weird. These kids
had lice last year. Put this shit on.

I don't wanna get lice,
first of all. I have stuff to do.

-Bang.
-I have to grade papers. I gotta go.

I'm with you, man.
I want this website up ASAP.

We need to be first to market. I
don't want to be Bing up in here.

You don't want to be
"bink" up in here?

Dude, Bing! You know, the Steve
Ballmer search engine that failed

'cause they took too long
trying to perfect it.

It's my company, okay? We're
gonna move at my speed here.

-Your company? Dude, it was my idea.
-Yeah. I own the idea.

Dude, I found you on the side
of the road with a hobo stick.

I made you who you are.
It's my company! My idea.

You found me at the lunch table.

Guys, guys, guys.
Listen, listen to me...

-What?
-...coño

I'm a
businesswoman. I can help you.

-Really?
-I own a company. Very profitable company.

No, I buy land that is sinking.

I sell it to people and tell them
it's not sinking. Easy-peasy.

That's straight up brilliant.
Markie, did you hear that?

That is brilliant.

Do you know how much money I
made in just one deal last month?

-What?
-$183,000.

Do you know
how to do contracts?

-I have the best lawyer. The best.
-She's got a lawyer, Markie.

-Sold. Let's do this shit, Markie.
-Okay, yeah.

-Yes. Yes.
-Come here. We got ourselves a deal.

-She has lawyers, dude.
-Lawyers, yeah.

Guys, figure this out.
You don't need me anymore.

-I don't want that Annie wig.
-We need you up in here.

-Stop it. It's Ice Spice, it's not Annie.
-No.

See you tonight at your mom's
dinner celebration.

-She invited you too? Don't come!
-I'm coming.

Please don't.

Okay, so you Okay, you
sign here. And you sign right here.

Wait, wait. I thought we said
I was gonna be CFO and CEO.

-Why do you need both jobs?
-What is this?

Wh... Where did you
get these contracts?

Oh, these are boilerplate
straight from my lawyer.

They needed help,
and I'm helping them.

You should be thanking me, Evan.

-Evan.
-What?

Okay. I'm finally making inroads
with your mom. I figured it out.

You don't try to work with her.
You work for her.

-I'm ready to sign.
-I need a pen.

-Right.
-Gwen, please can you Can I have the pen?

-Right here.
-Thank you for the pen, honey.

-This pen is too hard. Yes. Thank you.
-I'll get you a soft one.

-She's not your assistant.
-Soft pen. You want a soft pen?

Yo, what's a soft pen?

Okay, no need for pens, Gwen.
You can put the pens down.

Let's put these contracts down.

Interfering with my life
constantly is fine, maybe.

Interfering with some of my
best friends' and coworkers' lives,

I think, is a step too far, so

I'm getting in on the ground
floor of Hairz.net, Evan.

Thirty-five percent on the
back end. That's her take.

Okay. We're gonna go.

I don't appreciate you talking to
our employee like that. This is...

-I'll see you guys at dinner, okay?
-Okay, see you.

No, no dinner.
Dinner's canceled.

I'm not gonna not eat tonight!

Papi, there's those chips
I was asking for.

-Keep doing a good job. We'll tip you 20%.
-Thank you.

Freaking bummed. I'm so bummed.

Yeah, well, it's probably
because my mom's in town,

and she makes people
feel stressed.

No, no, she's great. I love
working for her. Like, I love her.

I'm bummed that I'd never got
a Dick's Sporting Goods gift card

for teacher of the month.

What would you buy with that?
Golf clubs?

They have tents. They have heat
lamps for camping, espressos for camping.

-But do you go camping?
-No.

Rick, what the hell?
When did you put this up?

I have better hair than you. I
should be the face of the website.

You look like you're constantly
stuck in eight-mile-an-hour wind.

-Grant, tell him.
-I'm not getting in the middle of this.

-Jesus.
-Waiter, could I get a margarita, please?

Oh, uh, me too.

I brought him in on this
Hairz.net deal

because
he needs something in his life.

He needs something
in his career.

He's a fucking
guidance counselor.

All right, those guys got very
little to live for. Second after dentist.

But now I realize the idea's got
legs. I don't even really need him.

Waiter, forget the margarita. Just
a double shot of tequila, please.

Waiter, excuse me. We're ready.

We would like 12 orders of Domino's
Philly cheese steak pizza. Thank you.

You don't have to. That's okay.
Thank you.

-You can do that?
-They don't have that here, Mom.

That's from Domino's.
It's in the name.

-Deja de controlarme. Yo no estoy control an do la situa...
-I'm sorry, guys.

Tú estás tratando
de controlar todo.

Tú a cab as de ordenar por...
por todo el mundo.

Why are you
so cruel towards me?

I'm grateful for this moment.
That's how I feel.

The only reason I decided to
help out Markie with the website

is 'cause I feel bad
for the guy.

-Mm-hmm.
-I figured I'd give him a boost.

Waiter, uh, forget the
double shot of tequila.

Just the whole bottle of tequila

-would be best.
-Bring the bottle. Hurry up.

There he is.

-Muchas gracias, a.
-Gracias.

-Drill me one.
-Help!

-Whoa!
-Sorry.

I just wanted to make a dramatic
entrance. How are you guys?

That was scary as fuck.

If it isn't the special guest my
own son doesn't want me to meet.

-Come here.
-Honey!

-You look like a toddler.
-You and What?

And the breasts?
You look incredible.

-Oh, my God. Thank you. Sit down, please.
-You're gorgeous.

-Hey, Evan.
-What's up, dude?

-You two know each other?
-In a sense, yes.

She found me on Instagram
and invited me.

Instagram is the new Tinder.

Mandar mensaje Instagram.

Okay. Well, I'm
sorry, Malcolm, that this looks bad.

I was trying to
keep you two apart

because I knew she would meddle
and try to mess something up between us.

-And now it's happening. So, great.
-Oh, my God. Shut up, Evan.

In what world am I not gonna be
obsessed with a controlling Latin woman?

Like, that's my exact tea.

You know I love Sofía Vergara.
She's the background on my phone.

Like, do you even know me?

What's really going on here is you
were afraid of me "meeting the parents"

'cause you were scared of what it
would mean about our relationship.

It's not as simple
as you think, okay?

My relationship with her
is very complicated.

It's complicated?

Because you're the only one
in the world

who has a complicated
relationship with their parents?

-Exactly.
-Like, that's everyone.

I mean, Markie, your mom had
Munchausen's by proxy, right?

Twice.

My family used to take turns spanking
me. That's why I turned out pretty good.

What is even
wrong with her anyway?

To me, she's like
the most perfect angel

-I've ever seen in my life.
-Oh, thank you, honey.

No issues at all with her.

Honey, what are your
issues with me, honestly?

Just say it. What are
your issues? Talk about it.

-Just open it up.
-You don't want to hear my issues, Mom.

-No, go ahead. Tell the whole restaurant.
-Okay, you want to hear this?

-Yes, go ahead.
-Okay.

You try to control
every situation,

think you know better
than everybody else.

You are constantly putting yourself
into situations where you're not needed

and trying to pretend to help when
actually things would have been fine

if you just hadn't gotten
involved in the first place.

Ay, mi amor.

That reminds me
of someone here.

-Huh?
-She ate with that.

You're saying that's what I do?

Oh, yeah.

That apple didn't fall
off the tree at all, bud.

You see, baby? We're the same,
you know. And you need to accept that.

You need to accept Malcolm
into your life. He's a great guy.

Facts.

You don't have to hide your
problems away from him.

He wants to help you, honey.
Understand?

-Rick?
-What?

You are CFO
and head of marketing.

What's that?

Markie, you are founder and CEO.

Your business is not real, at least
not yet, so stop fighting for God's sake.

Yeah.

You know what, you do have
better hair than me.

-Thanks, buddy.
-Hell yeah.

Grant, you're perfect. I have
nothing to say about you.

Thank you.

-Gwen.
-Yeah?

Um, well, I'm not sure why,
but I just don't like you.

Oh.

That felt different from the
other stuff that you were saying.

Dude,
women just hate each other.

-Um, your Domino's is here.
-What the hell?

And I ordered on my phone.

-All right.
-God.

Okay, everyone. You got
two each. I got two each.

-Margherita.
-Gwen, you like to eat a lot?

I do.

Dude, this is literally
my favorite type of pizza.

Guys, I love this shit! Yeah!

Oh, my God. Look, listen to this.
Listen! Listen, do you remember this song?

This is my favorite song.
"Devórame Otra Vez."

-It's good.
-Nice.

Okay. Everybody, grab a piece and let's
dance. This is a lot of fun. Come on.

-Grab a piece.
-Let's do it.

-Malcolm, come be my partner.
-Let's do it!

♪ Ay ven
devórame otra vez Ven devórame otra vez

♪ Que la boca me
sabe a tu cuerpo ♪

♪ Desesperan mis ganas por ti.. ♪

Evan, come dance.

-Dance with your mom and me.
-Ven, no seas tímido, ven pa'ca!

We're getg
very sensual over here,

right?

-Not with me.
-May I steal this dance?

Hey.

So your mom loves me or
something? Like, is she obsessed?

Of course my mom loves you.
She's just like me.

She's actually kinda crazy.
I see it now. Actually scary.

I liked
when you yelled at her though.

That was hot.

What if we go look at
apartments this weekend, huh?

You wanna do that?

Yeah, I'd be down to do that.

Or we could talk about
looking at apartments.

Oh. Okay. I'll take it.

The restaurant was amazing.
The food was delicious, huh?

We mostly ate food
from a different restaurant,

so I don't know how much credit
you should give them.

I'm grateful for this moment.

Where'd you get that?

-From my friend Evelyn in Miami.
-Oh.

You know,
she said to repeat that

whenever you make me crazy,
so I do it.

Fair, fair.

Look at this.

"Life doesn't have to be perfect to
be wonderful." Isn't that amazing?

Why is the frog on a building?

Um

I don't know. I have no idea.

Evan, let me get a picture
of you and your mom.

-Okay.
-Yeah, okay.

Okay, hold on. Ready?
You guys look so cute.

Shit.

-Oh.
-Coño.

I'm okay.-

Ah. I know now
why people like her, no.

Because she's the clown
in the group.

-Eres una pay as a.
-Yeah. Thank you, Mrs. Marquez.

Me gusta, Mira. The world needs more clowns.

-Jesus.
-I got it. I got it.

-Slow. Slow.
-Are you okay?

I'm great.

Let's go. Let's get out of here.

♪ She'll let you Take her home ♪

♪ It whets her appetite ♪

♪ She'll lay you On her throne ♪

♪ She got Bette Davis eyes ♪

♪ She'll take a tumble on you ♪

♪ Roll you like you were dice ♪

♪ Until you come up blue ♪

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes ♪