Original subtitles

[whispering] Fucking hell.

What if we had, like, a normal morning, and, like, spent time with each other

and drank coffee and looked at our phones in silence like a normal couple?

Let's have brunch on Sunday. I'm just-- I'm late. I'm late right now.

Don't act like you're the only one who's late all the time.

-[phone buzzing] -I'm late to things too.

I don't make a fucking parade out of it.

I have a dignified elegance about my lateness.

-Okay, I'm gonna say something and, like -Oh, my God.

it's a thing,

but maybe we start to look for a place that's closer to your school

so you're not always rushing and freaking out all the time.

I can't have this conversation right now, Malcolm. I love you so much.

We're already having the conversation. Just say yes.

-Then I'll say, "Great. Let's do it." -[grunts] Stop.

-Then the conversation will be over. -[grunts]

I'm serious about the fact that we are gonna talk about moving in together,

but just now I do not have the focus or the energy to do it.

-[buzzing] -Your phone again.

And my mother Oh, my God. will not stop calling me!

Why are you ignoring your poor madre

Because she calls me, like, 20 times,

and when I finally answer, she pretends I called her.

-It's ridiculous. -That's gaslighting.

Ugh. I'm so proud of my mom for moving to Greece

with her 26-year-old uncut boyfriend.

-Who told you he was uncut, her or him? -I mean, I asked,

and he freely gave away the information.

-Him. -Yeah.

He's like a son to me though. We're very close.

Bye.

[? "All I Need Is A Miracle" playing]

-[Markie] actually my dad's cousin. -[Gwen] Random uncle.

[Markie] Yeah. Like, what am I supposed to do with any of this?

"RegisPhilbinRevealed.com."

What are you talking about?

So Markie's uncle died and left him a bunch of domain names in his will.

-Let me see this shit. -Oh, that's exciting!

I'm sorry your uncle died though.

-"VerySmallHorse.com, VeryLargeHorse" -Exactly.

Holy shit. Dude, no way.

-Slimy. This one's slimy. -What?

He owns fucking Hairz.net.

-[chuckles] Yeah, I got Hairz.net. Right. -Hairz with a Z dot net?

Thank you. Thanks, Uncle Timmy. [scoffs]

Yeah, he probably bought a bunch of those

-in 1999 or something. -Yeah.

-I'm the only one seeing this? -[Evan] Seeing what?

-He's sitting on a fucking gold mine. -You're kidding, right, Rick?

No, think about the customer base. Everyone has hairs. Look around.

-Yeah, but nobody says hairs plural. -Yeah.

Plenty of successful business are plural. Bonobos.

Mm-hmm. Name one more.

You think of another one. I'm gonna talk to Markie.

Markie, think about it. Hairz.net. It sounds like hairnet.

-Hooters. Mm-hmm. -That is plural.

So what, the website that sells hairnets online?

No, dude. We're-- We're selling wigs. We're selling hair plugs.

We're selling hair ext It's the whole hair sector.

Skechers.

This sounds crazy, but what if you and I go into business together?

Let's make Hairz.net something spectacular.

Okay. Okay, all right. Yeah.

When I was growing up, I wanted to play linebacker in the NFL,

then go overseas to fight,

and then I figured when I came home, I'd open a small business. This is it.

Oh, my God. I can't believe we're witnessing this. Apple.

This is like Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.

And this dude right here is gonna be our first customer.

-Grant, you want hair or not? -What?

Evan, a little chat, please.

[groans]

Did you know your mother's been calling me?

She's been calling you directly?

I don't know how she got my cell number.

Okay, I'm calling again, Mr. Grant.

What is the dress code for the teacher of the month ceremony?

Goes on like that for about five minutes.

What's she talking about? Teacher of the month?

You won teacher of the month.

Usually we give it to Gwen, but we thought we'd mix it up this time.

There's a big Facebook post announcing it all about you.

I would never know about that. I haven't been on Facebook in years.

Well, your mom is all over it. She follows me. She follows the school.

All moms are on Facebook. [stammers] You called her back?

Just tell her there's no ceremony. It's fine.

No, I did try that, but she said she already booked her plane tickets, so

-Oh, my God. -[Grant] Yeah.

You fell into her trap, Grant.

She's coming. Isn't that nice?

And then she was asking about the outlet malls

-and bats under the bridge, and so -[sighs]

she might be staying a while.

-Oh, my God. -Are you all right, Evan?

[Evan] Oh, she's gonna want the front seat, FYI.

-Oh. -She gets carsick,

-so she always sits in the front. -I get so carsick in the back.

She's not gonna care. She's gonna want the front seat.

With the teacher of the month thing,

I guess she thinks it's a big deal, so just try to act like it's a big deal.

I-- Yeah. I would say it's kind of a big deal.

Oh, my God. Yes. You You When you win it, it's a big deal.

That's like our Oscars.

Be prepared for her being cold toward you. And if she is--

-She's gonna love me. Moms love me. -Yeah, she's gonna love you.

My therapist told me

whenever she starts to, like, complain or try to control things,

I should just take a deep breath and say,

"I am grateful for this moment."

-Mmm. That's good. Yeah. -[sighs]

I gotta steal that.

There she is. Look at that outfit. It's just--

Oh, also, um, don't say anything about Malcolm.

She doesn't know about Malcolm, and I don't want them meeting.

-It would be a disaster. -Okay.

[in Spanish] Mami!

- Mi vida. -[Evan] Hola.

-[Elena] Cari�o m�o! Ven ac�, dame un abrazo. -

-[giggles] -[in English] Thanks for coming.

-Elena, it's so good to see you! -You know Gwen, my best friend.

-Hey, hi. Nice to see you. Hi. -Oh, yeah.

-Here, I can take some of your, um -Oh.

stuff for you. And let me just say... [in Spanish] ...estoy muy contenta de verte.

[in English] Uh-huh. Okay. Here we go.

They have two different kinds of chips on the plane.

-Can you believe that? -Did you hear what she said?

She said, " Estoy muy contenta de verte.

What does she think? That I don't speak English, right?

[scoffs]

-[Evan] You look great, Mom. -[Elena] Oh.

Are you saying I looking better than last time you saw me?

Yeah. I mean, you look better every time.

I looked that bad. Like a troll?

-No, you did not look like a troll -[chuckles]

last time, Mom.

[Elena] This Prius is falling apart, honey.

-Look at this. -It's the best I got.

So dirty. You're not a dirty person.

[in Spanish] Ah, co�o. Te veo-- te veo como cansado. [sighs]

-[sighs] No te veo bien. - Si?

-[in English] Hey, hey, hey, are we taking the highway? -Yes.

We're taking the highway, Mom. It's the fastest way.

Okay. I guess we're all gonna die eventually.

[whispering] I am grateful for this moment.

[chuckles]

Mom, you're in bed? It's 6:30.

[yawns] I'm so jet-lagged, higo .

[in Spanish] Tengo un jetlag del carajo.

[in English] Isn't Miami only, like, one hour behind Austin?

-They recently changed the time zones. -What?

I read it on Facebook. Look.

Mom, I thought you said you were gonna look at Facebook less.

-It's-- -This is full of lies, you know.

This is not lies. Look at this. Look at the crying puppy.

He's so sad because nobody came to his birthday.

And on top of that, he's trapped in Cuba.

Mom-- [stammers] You should know this, but this is AI. This is not real.

I know it's fake. Still makes me emotional, honey.

-You know it's fake? -Of course I know.

It's not his birthday. His birthday's in July.

Mom, you're on these sites all day,

and they're feeding you conservative talking points

like anti-immigration, anti-gay stuff.

And you're an immigrant, and I'm gay, so.

I'm not anti-gay. Do you see me anti-gay? Conservatives, we love gay.

You know Dick Cheney is gay, right?

Dick Cheney isn't gay, Mom. Dick Cheney's daughter is gay.

-Well, I-I think he's gay. -Hold on. I'm gonna get the door. I don't

-Hi. Surprise. -Oh, shit. Hi.

What are you doing here? You didn't text.

I'm trying to do these, like, sexy Kramer-style pop-ins, like, giddyup.

It's just not a good--

-It's not a good time right now. -Why?

-I'm-- I literally can't-- -Do you have a guy here?

-You dirty little dog. Is he hung? -No. Not a guy.

-Does he follow me? Is he uncut? Ass? -Yeah. Not a guy. No, no, no.

[stammers] I'm working. Like, very hard. And I'm in, like, a deep flow state.

Obsessed with you saying

you're in a flow state while you're grading papers.

It's insane.

Hey, listen, if you have a guy over, it's okay.

Like, I wanna do this open thing right.

I feel like you actually need to be, like, doing more of that.

We'll work on that, okay? But right now, I really am working.

-Don't kick me out. -I love you. I'm just

-No, I'm so bored. I hate you! -Okay. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you.

-Okay. Good, good. -Who was it?

It was a delivery, and they had the wrong address.

I know it was your lover.

-Okay, well, I-I-- -I'm your mother. I know things.

-How did you know-- -I could smell Santal from Le Labo.

-[scoffs] -You think I don't know gay cologne?

Why didn't you let him enter?

You can meet him eventually, Mom. Maybe in, like, a year or something, but--

A year you'll be with another one.

It's just you shouldn't meet, Mom.

You have very different opinions from him. You would not get along.

You're ashamed of me. That's what's going on, honey.

[sighing] I'm not ashamed of you, Mom. I'm

Okay, yes. I'm a little embarrassed or something.

You are the one who's anti-immigration because you didn't let him enter.

What? What's that face?

I'm gonna go sleep on the couch.

[in Spanish] Controlando.

-[bell rings] -[Grant, in English] Reminder that next Tuesday,

the parking lot will be closed for the student circus.

Yay!

-[murmuring] -With magic tricks, clowns, food,

aerial stunts.

No, not aerial stunts. [stammers] That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

When does the teacher of the month ceremony start?

[in Spanish] Vamos a tomar una foto...

[in English] It's not a ceremony. It's just a meeting.

If a student comes back from a dentist appointment

-[in Spanish] Una foto pa Facebook, hijo. -and they're on nitrous oxide,

-do not engage! -[in Spanish] Bueno,

No hables, no hables.

[in English] They may seem high,

-but they are protected under Texas law. -[camera shutters]

Okay. We can do photoshop later and take Gwen out of the picture.

Just accept the fact that their teeth are healing.

[whispering] Did you ask Gwen about the photo shoot?

No, not yet. Not yet. I want to wait till it's not weird.

We want to take a bunch of photos of her hair. What's weird?

Everything you just said is weird. No, wait. Wait.

-[Rick] Psst, Gwen. -Ow. What the--

-Gwendolyn, please. I'm in the zone here. -Sorry.

Psst. Wanna be a model? You can be on our website Hairz.net.

No, I'm okay.

Gwendolyn, please, with the distractions.

-It's Rick's Rick's doing it. -So loud. It's her!

Don't be a tattletale, Gwen. Nobody likes a tattletale.

Gwen, please. [in Spanish] C�ll.

[in English] Okay, the SAT prep classes will be held on the field

-and not the gym because of the gas leak. -[Rick whispers]

Consequently, football practice will happen in the band room

Okay, fine. I'll do it. Just stop getting me in trouble.

Yearbook room. 2:00 p.m. Be there.

All right, now, very exciting time. Very excited about this.

Uh, we'd like to announce the teacher of the month.

So can I have a drumroll, please?

A little drumroll. And let's give it up for Evan Marquez!

-Bravo! -[all cheer] Yes!

-Yeah, Evan! Yeah! -Thank you. Thanks very much. Thanks.

Stand up, make a speech. Come on. [in Spanish]

[Markie, in English] Say something. Say something.

-[Rick] There you go, you little playa. -[in Spanish]

- hijo, recto. -[Gwen groans, in English] I never made a speech.

[in Spanish] La corbata. [in English] Your neck. There.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Hello. Thank you all very much.

-I'm very honored. -[in Spanish] Ay, qu� lindo.

[in English] And I would not be standing up here if it were not for my mother,

-Elena. -[phone dinging]

Sorry, it's the girls' chat. It's the girls' chat. Hold on a second.

[in Spanish] Venga. Ale, m�s te.

-[Elena laughs] -[in English] Can you wrap this up, Mom?

-[whispering] She's adorable. -[in Spanish] Estoy ocupada,

Mami, por favor, mami.

[Elena] Tranquilo.

[in English] Okay, I'm ready. L.

Uh, Evan, on behalf of everyone involved,

I'd like to present you with this gift certificate to Dick's Sporting Goods.

-Congratulations. -Get together.

-[Evan] Thank you. -A little bit together.

Head to head. Cheek to cheek.

Dick up, up. Higher, a little bit Lower, lower. Okay, now together.

-Do you want me to take it? -No.

-[Grant] Take a selfie. -[Evan] Okay.

Okay. Hold on. Sorry, it's on something that's called burst.

[whispering] I am grateful for this moment.

-[bell rings] -[Evan] Markie.

-What? -Can you, um--

Can you look after my mom for about an hour?

She's always been curious about the life of a PE teacher.

I'm not curious about that.

[in Spanish] Mami, mira.

-Por qu� no te sientas ac�? Mira. -

Lleg� la hora de iPad. T� sientate aqu� con el iPad,

y mira estos juegos que tu juegas... ya.

-[in English] Come. Come here. -What?

Just [stammers] I cannot handle her right now.

Can you just take her for an hour or two, and I'm gonna cool down--

You need me to watch your mom?

Why not just sic Malcolm on her? They can shop the day away.

Malcolm does not know my mom is here, which is a whole other--

He doesn't know she's here in town?

Wait, I thought you guys were serious.

I thought y'all were like boyfriend-boyfriend, you know. Exclusive.

Yeah, we're in a committed thing. But no, we're open.

Open to what?

We're open. It means you can [stammers] see other people, but we're committed.

Wait a minute.

So, y'all are in a relationship together, but separately just banging other dudes?

[in Spanish] Ven, hija. [in English] Come here. I need your help.

-I have to go to class. -No, you don't.

-Help her, Deirdre. -Listen.

[Evan] This is very normal.

It's a standard modern gay relationship. It's just an open relationship.

Why did gays fight for marriage rights

if you're just gonna be out there hound dogging it every night?

-[Elena speaks Spanish] -Just watch my mom. She's right there.

-Of course. -Thank you.

-I got you. -So basically the goal

is you have to take all the jewels and get out of the temple. [in Spanish]

[in English] So The Catcher in the Rye

made someone kill Paul McCartney.

That's effed up. And that's why I didn't read it.

No, you're thinking about Ronald Reagan.

They gunned him down in his prime.

What?

[stammers] Lennon. Made somebody kill John Lennon,

or somebody was inspired to kill John Lennon.

[stammers] Let's

It's been good today. Let's wrap up a little early. [stammers]

I need some time to myself.

What's wrong with you?

Yeah, you've been acting so emo, little man.

-Yeah. -You're so sad.

-Are you okay? -What's up?

My mom is in town, and she's just a lot.

And she's trying to plan this big dinner for tonight, and it feels overwhelming.

Your mom is still alive?

Yeah, that's crazy.

Why is that crazy? She's, like, 62.

What? Grandmas are always, like, 90.

But, Pablo, she's not a grandma. She's my mom. A mom of me, and I'm young.

She's not a grandma anyway because I don't have kids,

and I'm sure she'd be much happier with me

-if she was a grandma -[students] Aw.

'cause she feels like I'm not doing enough to make her happy all the time.

She's like, "I flew myself out here."

I'm like, "I didn't ask you to come."

Sounds like your mom acts like a martyr a lot.

You should read Gray Walls, Strong Barriers .

-It's a good one. -You know what goes harder?

Inherited Mama Trauma .

[Becca] No, you should read Parents Are Children.

No, you should read Don't Talk to Your Parents Unless They Talk to You Right.

That one's better, yeah.

-Oh, my therapist gave me a book -Oh.

and it's called Healing Parental Bonds .

And it basically gives you permission to slap your mom.

-[stammers] -[students clamor]

Yeah, it does not do that.

Okay, um, you guys seem to have some very complex relationships with your parents.

My relationship to my folks is simple. They're suing me.

See you guys later.

-Aw. -Aw. He's sad.

You're acting like Holden "Caulkfield."

Dangerous. Give me dangerous. Yeah.

-Look at that, huh? -No. Delete that one.

-What? -Absolutely.

-Come on. -No, that's so bad.

-It's not bad at all. No. It's beautiful. -It's terrible. Terrible.

Gwen, can you try to look more smarter? Interesting?

-Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah. -[Markie] I think you look like a genius.

-That's right, sister. -Wig delivery.

Thank you, theater department. What's up, queens?

What are you talking about? We're modeling wigs off of my hair.

Like I have the hair that you want, right?

Don't be weird. These kids had lice last year. Put this shit on.

I don't wanna get lice, first of all. I have stuff to do.

-[Markie] Bang. -I have to grade papers. I gotta go.

I'm with you, man. I want this website up ASAP.

We need to be first to market. I don't want to be Bing up in here.

You don't want to be "bink" up in here?

Dude, Bing! You know, the Steve Ballmer search engine that failed

'cause they took too long trying to perfect it.

It's my company, okay? We're gonna move at my speed here.

-Your company? Dude, it was my idea. -Yeah. I own the idea.

Dude, I found you on the side of the road with a hobo stick.

I made you who you are. It's my company! My idea.

You found me at the lunch table.

Guys, guys, guys. Listen, listen to me...

-What? -[in Spanish] ...co�o

[in English] I'm a businesswoman. I can help you.

-Really? -I own a company. Very profitable company.

No, I buy land that is sinking.

I sell it to people and tell them it's not sinking. Easy-peasy.

That's straight up brilliant. Markie, did you hear that?

That is brilliant.

Do you know how much money I made in just one deal last month?

-What? -$183,000.

[Rick] Do you know how to do contracts?

-I have the best lawyer. The best. -She's got a lawyer, Markie.

-Sold. Let's do this shit, Markie. -Okay, yeah.

-Yes. Yes. -Come here. We got ourselves a deal.

-She has lawyers, dude. -[Markie] Lawyers, yeah.

Guys, figure this out. You don't need me anymore.

-I don't want that Annie wig. -We need you up in here.

-Stop it. It's Ice Spice, it's not Annie. -No.

See you tonight at your mom's dinner celebration.

-She invited you too? Don't come! -[Grant] I'm coming.

Please don't.

[Elena] Okay, so you Okay, you sign here. And you sign right here.

Wait, wait. I thought we said I was gonna be CFO and CEO.

-[Markie] Why do you need both jobs? -What is this?

Wh-- Where did you get these contracts?

Oh, these are boilerplate straight from my lawyer.

They needed help, and I'm helping them.

You should be thanking me, Evan.

-Evan. -What?

Okay. I'm finally making inroads with your mom. I figured it out.

You don't try to work with her. You work for her.

-[Markie] I'm ready to sign. -[Rick] I need a pen.

-Right. -Gwen, please can you Can I have the pen?

-Right here. -Thank you for the pen, honey.

-This pen is too hard. Yes. Thank you. -I'll get you a soft one.

-She's not your assistant. -Soft pen. You want a soft pen?

Yo, what's a soft pen?

Okay, no need for pens, Gwen. You can put the pens down.

Let's put these contracts down.

Interfering with my life constantly is fine, maybe.

Interfering with some of my best friends' and coworkers' lives,

I think, is a step too far, so

I'm getting in on the ground floor of Hairz.net, Evan.

Thirty-five percent on the back end. That's her take.

Okay. We're gonna go.

I don't appreciate you talking to our employee like that. This is--

-I'll see you guys at dinner, okay? -Okay, see you.

No, no dinner. Dinner's canceled.

I'm not gonna not eat tonight!

Papi, there's those chips I was asking for.

-Keep doing a good job. We'll tip you 20%. -Thank you.

Freaking bummed. I'm so bummed.

Yeah, well, it's probably because my mom's in town,

and she makes people feel stressed.

No, no, she's great. I love working for her. Like, I love her.

I'm bummed that I'd never got a Dick's Sporting Goods gift card

for teacher of the month.

What would you buy with that? Golf clubs?

They have tents. They have heat lamps for camping, espressos for camping.

-But do you go camping? -No.

[Markie] Rick, what the hell? When did you put this up?

I have better hair than you. I should be the face of the website.

You look like you're constantly stuck in eight-mile-an-hour wind.

-[Rick] Grant, tell him. -I'm not getting in the middle of this.

-Jesus. -Waiter, could I get a margarita, please?

Oh, uh, me too. [chuckles]

I brought him in on this Hairz.net deal

because he needs something in his life.

He needs something in his career.

He's a fucking guidance counselor.

All right, those guys got very little to live for. Second after dentist.

But now I realize the idea's got legs. I don't even really need him.

Waiter, forget the margarita. Just a double shot of tequila, please.

Waiter, excuse me. We're ready.

We would like 12 orders of Domino's Philly cheesesteak pizza. Thank you.

You don't have to. That's okay. Thank you.

-You can do that? -They don't have that here, Mom.

That's from Domino's. It's in the name.

-[in Spanish] Deja de controlarme. Yo no estoy controlando la situa--

[in Spanish] T� est�s tratando de controlar todo.

T� acabas de ordenar por... por todo el mundo.

[in English] Why are you so cruel towards me?

I'm grateful for this moment. That's how I feel.

The only reason I decided to help out Markie with the website

is 'cause I feel bad for the guy.

-Mm-hmm. -I figured I'd give him a boost.

Waiter, uh, forget the double shot of tequila.

Just the whole bottle of tequila

-would be best. -Bring the bottle. Hurry up.

[Rick] There he is.

-[in Spanish] Muchas gracias, a. -Gracias.

-[in English] Drill me one. -Help!

-[Markie] Whoa! -Sorry.

I just wanted to make a dramatic entrance. How are you guys?

That was scary as fuck.

If it isn't the special guest my own son doesn't want me to meet.

-Come here. -Honey!

-You look like a toddler. -You and What?

And the breasts? You look incredible.

-Oh, my God. Thank you. Sit down, please. -You're gorgeous.

-Hey, Evan. -[Rick] What's up, dude?

-You two know each other? -In a sense, yes.

She found me on Instagram and invited me.

-Instagram is the new Tinder. -[Elena giggles]

[in Spanish] Mandar mensaje Instagram.

[in English] Okay. Well, I'm sorry, Malcolm, that this looks bad.

I was trying to keep you two apart

because I knew she would meddle and try to mess something up between us.

-And now it's happening. So, great. -Oh, my God. Shut up, Evan.

In what world am I not gonna be obsessed with a controlling Latin woman?

Like, that's my exact tea.

You know I love Sof�a Vergara. She's the background on my phone.

Like, do you even know me?

What's really going on here is you were afraid of me "meeting the parents"

'cause you were scared of what it would mean about our relationship.

[stammers, sighs]

It's not as simple as you think, okay?

My relationship with her is very complicated.

It's complicated?

Because you're the only one in the world

who has a complicated relationship with their parents?

-[Elena] Exactly. -Like, that's everyone.

I mean, Markie, your mom had Munchausen's by proxy, right?

Twice.

My family used to take turns spanking me. That's why I turned out pretty good.

What is even wrong with her anyway?

To me, she's like the most perfect angel

-I've ever seen in my life. -Oh, thank you, honey.

[Malcolm] No issues at all with her.

Honey, what are your issues with me, honestly?

Just say it. What are your issues? Talk about it.

-Just open it up. -You don't want to hear my issues, Mom.

-No, go ahead. Tell the whole restaurant. -Okay, you want to hear this?

-Yes, go ahead. -Okay.

You try to control every situation,

think you know better than everybody else.

You are constantly putting yourself into situations where you're not needed

and trying to pretend to help when actually things would have been fine

if you just hadn't gotten involved in the first place.

[Elena, in Spanish] Ay, mi amor.

[in English] That reminds me of someone here. [scoffs]

-Huh? -[Malcolm] She ate with that.

-You're saying that's what I do? -[scoffs]

Oh, yeah.

That apple didn't fall off the tree at all, bud.

You see, baby? We're the same, you know. And you need to accept that.

You need to accept Malcolm into your life. He's a great guy.

Facts.

You don't have to hide your problems away from him.

He wants to help you, honey. Understand?

-Rick? -What?

You are CFO and head of marketing.

What's that?

Markie, you are founder and CEO.

Your business is not real, at least not yet, so stop fighting for God's sake.

Yeah.

You know what, you do have better hair than me.

-Thanks, buddy. -Hell yeah.

Grant, you're perfect. I have nothing to say about you.

-Thank you. -[Elena chuckles]

-Gwen. -Yeah?

Um, well, I'm not sure why, but I just don't like you.

Oh.

That felt different from the other stuff that you were saying.

Dude, women just hate each other.

-Um, your Domino's is here. -What the hell?

[cheers] And I ordered on my phone.

-[Grant] All right. -God.

Okay, everyone. You got two each. I got two each.

-Margherita. -[Elena] Gwen, you like to eat a lot?

[Gwen] I do.

Dude, this is literally my favorite type of pizza.

[chuckling] Guys, I love this shit! Yeah!

Oh, my God. Look, listen to this. Listen! Listen, do you remember this song?

This is my favorite song. "Dev�rame Otra Vez."

-[Markie] It's good. -[Rick] Nice.

Okay. Everybody, grab a piece and let's dance. This is a lot of fun. Come on.

-Grab a piece. -Let's do it.

-[Elena] Malcolm, come be my partner. -Let's do it!

[? "Dev�rame Otra Vez" playing] ? Ay ven dev�rame otra vez

? Que la boca me sabe a tu cuerpo ?

? Desesperan mis ganas por ti.. ?

[Malcolm] Evan, come dance.

-Dance with your mom and me. -[Elena, in Spanish] Ven,

[Malcolm, in English] We're getg very sensual over here,

-right? -[Elena giggles]

-Not with me. -May I steal this dance?

Hey.

So your mom loves me or something? Like, is she obsessed?

Of course my mom loves you. She's just like me.

She's actually kinda crazy. I see it now. Actually scary.

I liked when you yelled at her though.

-That was hot. -[Evan mumbles]

What if we go look at apartments this weekend, huh?

-[chuckles] -You wanna do that?

Yeah, I'd be down to do that.

Or we could talk about looking at apartments.

Oh. Okay. I'll take it.

[? "Bette Davis Eyes" playing]

The restaurant was amazing. The food was delicious, huh?

We mostly ate food from a different restaurant,

so I don't know how much credit you should give them.

[sighs] I'm grateful for this moment.

Where'd you get that?

-From my friend Evelyn in Miami. -Oh.

You know, she said to repeat that

whenever you make me crazy, so I do it.

-[chuckles] Fair, fair. -[chuckles]

-[phone dings] -Look at this.

"Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful." Isn't that amazing?

Why is the frog on a building?

Um

I don't know. I have no idea.

Evan, let me get a picture of you and your mom.

-[chuckles] Okay. -Yeah, okay.

Okay, hold on. Ready? You guys look so cute.

Shit.

-[Rick] Oh. -[in Spanish] Co�o.

-[in Engish] I'm okay. [chuckles] -[Evan chuckles]

Ah. I know now why people like her, no.

Because she's the clown in the group.

-[in Spanish] Eres una payasa. -[grunts, in English] Yeah. Thank you, Mrs. Marquez.

[in Spanish] Me gusta, mira. [in English] The world needs more clowns.

-[Rick] Jesus. -I got it. I got it.

-[Rick] Slow. Slow. -Are you okay?

[Gwen] I'm great.

Let's go. Let's get out of here.

[? "Bette Davis Eyes" continues]

? She'll let you Take her home ?

? It whets her appetite ?

? She'll lay you On her throne ?

? She got Bette Davis eyes ?

? She'll take a tumble on you ?

? Roll you like you were dice ?

? Until you come up blue ?

? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0