All language subtitles for English Teacher s02e05 Evans Mom.eng

[whispering] Fucking hell.

What if we had, like,
a normal morning, and, like, spent time with each other

and drank coffee and looked at
our phones in silence like a normal couple?

Let's have brunch on Sunday.
I'm just-- I'm late. I'm late right now.

Don't act like
you're the only one who's late all the time.

-[phone buzzing]
-I'm late to things too.

I don't make
a fucking parade out of it.

I have a dignified elegance
about my lateness.

-Okay, I'm gonna say something
and, like -Oh, my God.

it's a thing,

but maybe
we start to look for a place that's closer to your school

so you're not always rushing
and freaking out all the time.

I can't have
this conversation right now, Malcolm. I love you so much.

We're already
having the conversation. Just say yes.

-Then I'll say,
"Great. Let's do it." -[grunts] Stop.

-Then the conversation
will be over. -[grunts]

I'm serious about the fact
that we are gonna talk about moving in together,

but just now
I do not have the focus or the energy to do it.

-[buzzing]
-Your phone again.

And my mother Oh, my God.
will not stop calling me!

Why are you ignoring
your poor madre

Because she calls me,
like, 20 times,

and when I finally answer,
she pretends I called her.

-It's ridiculous.
-That's gaslighting.

Ugh. I'm so proud of my mom
for moving to Greece

with her 26-year-old
uncut boyfriend.

-Who told you
he was uncut, her or him? -I mean, I asked,

and he freely
gave away the information.

-Him.
-Yeah.

He's like a son to me though.
We're very close.

Bye.

[? "All I Need Is A Miracle"
playing]

-[Markie]
actually my dad's cousin. -[Gwen] Random uncle.

[Markie] Yeah. Like, what am
I supposed to do with any of this?

"RegisPhilbinRevealed.com."

What are you talking about?

So Markie's uncle died
and left him a bunch of domain names in his will.

-Let me see this shit.
-Oh, that's exciting!

I'm sorry
your uncle died though.

-"VerySmallHorse.com,
VeryLargeHorse" -Exactly.

Holy shit. Dude, no way.

-Slimy. This one's slimy.
-What?

He owns fucking Hairz.net.

-[chuckles]
Yeah, I got Hairz.net. Right. -Hairz with a Z dot net?

Thank you.
Thanks, Uncle Timmy. [scoffs]

Yeah, he probably
bought a bunch of those

-in 1999 or something.
-Yeah.

-I'm the only one seeing this?
-[Evan] Seeing what?

-He's sitting on
a fucking gold mine. -You're kidding, right, Rick?

No, think about the customer
base. Everyone has hairs. Look around.

-Yeah,
but nobody says hairs plural. -Yeah.

Plenty of successful business
are plural. Bonobos.

Mm-hmm. Name one more.

You think of another one.
I'm gonna talk to Markie.

Markie, think about it.
Hairz.net. It sounds like hairnet.

-Hooters. Mm-hmm.
-That is plural.

So what, the website
that sells hairnets online?

No, dude.
We're-- We're selling wigs. We're selling hair plugs.

We're selling hair ext
It's the whole hair sector.

Skechers.

This sounds crazy,
but what if you and I go into business together?

Let's make Hairz.net
something spectacular.

Okay. Okay, all right. Yeah.

When I was growing up, I wanted
to play linebacker in the NFL,

then go overseas to fight,

and then I figured
when I came home, I'd open a small business. This is it.

Oh, my God. I can't believe
we're witnessing this. Apple.

This is like Steve Jobs
and Steve Wozniak.

And this dude right here
is gonna be our first customer.

-Grant, you want hair or not?
-What?

Evan, a little chat, please.

[groans]

Did you know
your mother's been calling me?

She's been calling you
directly?

I don't know
how she got my cell number.

Okay, I'm calling again,
Mr. Grant.

What is the dress code
for the teacher of the month ceremony?

Goes on like that
for about five minutes.

What's she talking about?
Teacher of the month?

You won teacher of the month.

Usually we give it to Gwen,
but we thought we'd mix it up this time.

There's a big Facebook post
announcing it all about you.

I would never know about that.
I haven't been on Facebook in years.

Well, your mom is all over it.
She follows me. She follows the school.

All moms are on Facebook.
[stammers] You called her back?

Just tell her
there's no ceremony. It's fine.

No, I did try that,
but she said she already booked her plane tickets, so

-Oh, my God.
-[Grant] Yeah.

You fell into her trap, Grant.

She's coming. Isn't that nice?

And then she was asking
about the outlet malls

-and bats
under the bridge, and so -[sighs]

she might be staying a while.

-Oh, my God.
-Are you all right, Evan?

[Evan] Oh, she's gonna want
the front seat, FYI.

-Oh.
-She gets carsick,

-so she always
sits in the front. -I get so carsick in the back.

She's not gonna care.
She's gonna want the front seat.

With
the teacher of the month thing,

I guess she thinks
it's a big deal, so just try to act like it's a big deal.

I-- Yeah. I would say
it's kind of a big deal.

Oh, my God. Yes. You You
When you win it, it's a big deal.

That's like our Oscars.

Be prepared for her being cold
toward you. And if she is--

-She's gonna love me.
Moms love me. -Yeah, she's gonna love you.

My therapist told me

whenever she starts to,
like, complain or try to control things,

I should just
take a deep breath and say,

"I am grateful
for this moment."

-Mmm. That's good. Yeah.
-[sighs]

I gotta steal that.

There she is.
Look at that outfit. It's just--

Oh, also, um,
don't say anything about Malcolm.

She doesn't know about Malcolm,
and I don't want them meeting.

-It would be a disaster.
-Okay.

[in Spanish] Mami!

- Mi vida.
-[Evan] Hola.

-[Elena] Cari�o m�o!
Ven ac�, dame un abrazo. -

-[giggles]
-[in English] Thanks for coming.

-Elena,
it's so good to see you! -You know Gwen, my best friend.

-Hey, hi. Nice to see you. Hi.
-Oh, yeah.

-Here,
I can take some of your, um -Oh.

stuff for you. And let me
just say... [in Spanish] ...estoy muy contenta de verte.

[in English] Uh-huh. Okay.
Here we go.

They have two different
kinds of chips on the plane.

-Can you believe that?
-Did you hear what she said?

She said,
" Estoy muy contenta de verte.

What does she think?
That I don't speak English, right?

[scoffs]

-[Evan] You look great, Mom.
-[Elena] Oh.

Are you saying I looking better
than last time you saw me?

Yeah. I mean,
you look better every time.

I looked that bad.
Like a troll?

-No,
you did not look like a troll -[chuckles]

last time, Mom.

[Elena] This Prius is
falling apart, honey.

-Look at this.
-It's the best I got.

So dirty.
You're not a dirty person.

[in Spanish] Ah, co�o.
Te veo-- te veo como cansado. [sighs]

-[sighs] No te veo bien.
- Si?

-[in English] Hey, hey, hey,
are we taking the highway? -Yes.

We're taking the highway, Mom.
It's the fastest way.

Okay. I guess
we're all gonna die eventually.

[whispering] I am grateful
for this moment.

[chuckles]

Mom, you're in bed? It's 6:30.

[yawns] I'm so jet-lagged, higo .

[in Spanish]
Tengo un jetlag del carajo.

[in English] Isn't Miami only,
like, one hour behind Austin?

-They recently changed
the time zones. -What?

I read it on Facebook. Look.

Mom, I thought you said
you were gonna look at Facebook less.

-It's--
-This is full of lies, you know.

This is not lies. Look at this.
Look at the crying puppy.

He's so sad because
nobody came to his birthday.

And on top of that,
he's trapped in Cuba.

Mom-- [stammers] You should
know this, but this is AI. This is not real.

I know it's fake.
Still makes me emotional, honey.

-You know it's fake?
-Of course I know.

It's not his birthday.
His birthday's in July.

Mom,
you're on these sites all day,

and they're feeding you
conservative talking points

like anti-immigration,
anti-gay stuff.

And you're an immigrant,
and I'm gay, so.

I'm not anti-gay.
Do you see me anti-gay? Conservatives, we love gay.

You know Dick Cheney is gay,
right?

Dick Cheney isn't gay, Mom.
Dick Cheney's daughter is gay.

-Well, I-I think he's gay.
-Hold on. I'm gonna get the door. I don't

-Hi. Surprise.
-Oh, shit. Hi.

What are you doing here?
You didn't text.

I'm trying to do these, like,
sexy Kramer-style pop-ins, like, giddyup.

It's just not a good--

-It's not a good time
right now. -Why?

-I'm-- I literally can't--
-Do you have a guy here?

-You dirty little dog.
Is he hung? -No. Not a guy.

-Does he follow me?
Is he uncut? Ass? -Yeah. Not a guy. No, no, no.

[stammers] I'm working.
Like, very hard. And I'm in, like, a deep flow state.

Obsessed with you saying

you're in a flow state
while you're grading papers.

It's insane.

Hey, listen,
if you have a guy over, it's okay.

Like, I wanna do
this open thing right.

I feel like
you actually need to be, like, doing more of that.

We'll work on that, okay?
But right now, I really am working.

-Don't kick me out.
-I love you. I'm just

-No, I'm so bored. I hate you!
-Okay. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you.

-Okay. Good, good.
-Who was it?

It was a delivery,
and they had the wrong address.

I know it was your lover.

-Okay, well, I-I--
-I'm your mother. I know things.

-How did you know--
-I could smell Santal from Le Labo.

-[scoffs]
-You think I don't know gay cologne?

Why didn't you let him enter?

You can meet him eventually,
Mom. Maybe in, like, a year or something, but--

A year
you'll be with another one.

It's just you shouldn't meet,
Mom.

You have very different
opinions from him. You would not get along.

You're ashamed of me.
That's what's going on, honey.

[sighing]
I'm not ashamed of you, Mom. I'm

Okay, yes.
I'm a little embarrassed or something.

You are the one who's
anti-immigration because you didn't let him enter.

What? What's that face?

I'm gonna go sleep
on the couch.

[in Spanish] Controlando.

-[bell rings]
-[Grant, in English] Reminder that next Tuesday,

the parking lot will be closed
for the student circus.

Yay!

-[murmuring]
-With magic tricks, clowns, food,

aerial stunts.

No, not aerial stunts.
[stammers] That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

When does the teacher of the
month ceremony start?

[in Spanish]
Vamos a tomar una foto...

[in English]
It's not a ceremony. It's just a meeting.

If a student comes back
from a dentist appointment

-[in Spanish] Una foto
pa Facebook, hijo. -and they're on nitrous oxide,

-do not engage!
-[in Spanish] Bueno,

No hables, no hables.

[in English]
They may seem high,

-but they are protected
under Texas law. -[camera shutters]

Okay. We can do photoshop later
and take Gwen out of the picture.

Just accept the fact that
their teeth are healing.

[whispering]
Did you ask Gwen about the photo shoot?

No, not yet. Not yet.
I want to wait till it's not weird.

We want to take
a bunch of photos of her hair. What's weird?

Everything you just said
is weird. No, wait. Wait.

-[Rick] Psst, Gwen.
-Ow. What the--

-Gwendolyn, please.
I'm in the zone here. -Sorry.

Psst. Wanna be a model?
You can be on our website Hairz.net.

No, I'm okay.

Gwendolyn, please,
with the distractions.

-It's Rick's Rick's doing it.
-So loud. It's her!

Don't be a tattletale, Gwen.
Nobody likes a tattletale.

Gwen, please. [in Spanish] C�ll.

[in English] Okay,
the SAT prep classes will be held on the field

-and not the gym
because of the gas leak. -[Rick whispers]

Consequently, football practice
will happen in the band room

Okay, fine. I'll do it.
Just stop getting me in trouble.

Yearbook room. 2:00 p.m.
Be there.

All right, now,
very exciting time. Very excited about this.

Uh, we'd like to announce
the teacher of the month.

So can I have a drumroll,
please?

A little drumroll.
And let's give it up for Evan Marquez!

-Bravo!
-[all cheer] Yes!

-Yeah, Evan! Yeah!
-Thank you. Thanks very much. Thanks.

Stand up, make a speech.
Come on. [in Spanish]

[Markie, in English]
Say something. Say something.

-[Rick] There you go,
you little playa. -[in Spanish]

- hijo, recto.
-[Gwen groans, in English] I never made a speech.

[in Spanish] La corbata.
[in English] Your neck. There.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Hello. Thank you all very much.

-I'm very honored.
-[in Spanish] Ay, qu� lindo.

[in English] And I would not be
standing up here if it were not for my mother,

-Elena.
-[phone dinging]

Sorry, it's the girls' chat.
It's the girls' chat. Hold on a second.

[in Spanish] Venga. Ale, m�s te.

-[Elena laughs]
-[in English] Can you wrap this up, Mom?

-[whispering] She's adorable.
-[in Spanish] Estoy ocupada,

Mami, por favor, mami.

[Elena] Tranquilo.

[in English] Okay, I'm ready. L.

Uh, Evan,
on behalf of everyone involved,

I'd like to present you
with this gift certificate to Dick's Sporting Goods.

-Congratulations.
-Get together.

-[Evan] Thank you.
-A little bit together.

Head to head. Cheek to cheek.

Dick up, up.
Higher, a little bit Lower, lower. Okay, now together.

-Do you want me to take it?
-No.

-[Grant] Take a selfie.
-[Evan] Okay.

Okay. Hold on. Sorry,
it's on something that's called burst.

[whispering] I am grateful
for this moment.

-[bell rings]
-[Evan] Markie.

-What?
-Can you, um--

Can you look after my mom
for about an hour?

She's always been curious
about the life of a PE teacher.

I'm not curious about that.

[in Spanish] Mami, mira.

-Por qu� no te sientas ac�?
Mira. -

Lleg� la hora de iPad.
T� sientate aqu� con el iPad,

y mira estos juegos
que tu juegas... ya.

-[in English] Come. Come here.
-What?

Just [stammers]
I cannot handle her right now.

Can you just take her
for an hour or two, and I'm gonna cool down--

You need me to watch your mom?

Why not just
sic Malcolm on her? They can shop the day away.

Malcolm does not know
my mom is here, which is a whole other--

He doesn't know
she's here in town?

Wait, I thought
you guys were serious.

I thought y'all were like
boyfriend-boyfriend, you know. Exclusive.

Yeah,
we're in a committed thing. But no, we're open.

Open to what?

We're open. It means you can
[stammers] see other people, but we're committed.

Wait a minute.

So, y'all are in a relationship
together, but separately just banging other dudes?

[in Spanish] Ven, hija.
[in English] Come here. I need your help.

-I have to go to class.
-No, you don't.

-Help her, Deirdre.
-Listen.

[Evan] This is very normal.

It's a standard
modern gay relationship. It's just an open relationship.

Why did gays
fight for marriage rights

if you're just
gonna be out there hound dogging it every night?

-[Elena speaks Spanish]
-Just watch my mom. She's right there.

-Of course.
-Thank you.

-I got you.
-So basically the goal

is you have to take
all the jewels and get out of the temple. [in Spanish]

[in English]
So The Catcher in the Rye

made someone kill
Paul McCartney.

That's effed up. And that's why
I didn't read it.

No, you're thinking about
Ronald Reagan.

They gunned him down
in his prime.

What?

[stammers] Lennon.
Made somebody kill John Lennon,

or somebody was inspired
to kill John Lennon.

[stammers] Let's

It's been good today.
Let's wrap up a little early. [stammers]

I need some time to myself.

What's wrong with you?

Yeah,
you've been acting so emo, little man.

-Yeah.
-You're so sad.

-Are you okay?
-What's up?

My mom is in town,
and she's just a lot.

And she's trying to plan
this big dinner for tonight, and it feels overwhelming.

Your mom is still alive?

Yeah, that's crazy.

Why is that crazy?
She's, like, 62.

What?
Grandmas are always, like, 90.

But, Pablo, she's not
a grandma. She's my mom. A mom of me, and I'm young.

She's not a grandma anyway
because I don't have kids,

and I'm sure
she'd be much happier with me

-if she was a grandma
-[students] Aw.

'cause she feels like
I'm not doing enough to make her happy all the time.

She's like,
"I flew myself out here."

I'm like,
"I didn't ask you to come."

Sounds like your mom
acts like a martyr a lot.

You should read
Gray Walls, Strong Barriers .

-It's a good one.
-You know what goes harder?

Inherited Mama Trauma .

[Becca]
No, you should read Parents Are Children.

No, you should read
Don't Talk to Your Parents Unless They Talk to You Right.

That one's better, yeah.

-Oh,
my therapist gave me a book -Oh.

and it's called
Healing Parental Bonds .

And it basically
gives you permission to slap your mom.

-[stammers]
-[students clamor]

Yeah, it does not do that.

Okay, um, you guys seem to have
some very complex relationships with your parents.

My relationship to my folks
is simple. They're suing me.

See you guys later.

-Aw.
-Aw. He's sad.

You're acting like Holden
"Caulkfield."

Dangerous.
Give me dangerous. Yeah.

-Look at that, huh?
-No. Delete that one.

-What?
-Absolutely.

-Come on.
-No, that's so bad.

-It's not bad at all.
No. It's beautiful. -It's terrible. Terrible.

Gwen, can you try to look
more smarter? Interesting?

-Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah.
-[Markie] I think you look like a genius.

-That's right, sister.
-Wig delivery.

Thank you, theater department.
What's up, queens?

What are you talking about?
We're modeling wigs off of my hair.

Like I have the hair
that you want, right?

Don't be weird. These kids
had lice last year. Put this shit on.

I don't wanna get lice,
first of all. I have stuff to do.

-[Markie] Bang.
-I have to grade papers. I gotta go.

I'm with you, man.
I want this website up ASAP.

We need to be first to market.
I don't want to be Bing up in here.

You don't want to be
"bink" up in here?

Dude, Bing!
You know, the Steve Ballmer search engine that failed

'cause they took too long
trying to perfect it.

It's my company, okay?
We're gonna move at my speed here.

-Your company?
Dude, it was my idea. -Yeah. I own the idea.

Dude, I found you
on the side of the road with a hobo stick.

I made you who you are.
It's my company! My idea.

You found me
at the lunch table.

Guys, guys, guys.
Listen, listen to me...

-What?
-[in Spanish] ...co�o

[in English]
I'm a businesswoman. I can help you.

-Really?
-I own a company. Very profitable company.

No, I buy land that is sinking.

I sell it to people
and tell them it's not sinking. Easy-peasy.

That's straight up brilliant.
Markie, did you hear that?

That is brilliant.

Do you know
how much money I made in just one deal last month?

-What?
-$183,000.

[Rick] Do you know
how to do contracts?

-I have the best lawyer.
The best. -She's got a lawyer, Markie.

-Sold.
Let's do this shit, Markie. -Okay, yeah.

-Yes. Yes.
-Come here. We got ourselves a deal.

-She has lawyers, dude.
-[Markie] Lawyers, yeah.

Guys, figure this out.
You don't need me anymore.

-I don't want that Annie wig.
-We need you up in here.

-Stop it.
It's Ice Spice, it's not Annie. -No.

See you tonight at your mom's
dinner celebration.

-She invited you too?
Don't come! -[Grant] I'm coming.

Please don't.

[Elena] Okay, so you
Okay, you sign here. And you sign right here.

Wait, wait. I thought we said
I was gonna be CFO and CEO.

-[Markie]
Why do you need both jobs? -What is this?

Wh-- Where did you
get these contracts?

Oh, these are boilerplate
straight from my lawyer.

They needed help,
and I'm helping them.

You should be thanking me,
Evan.

-Evan.
-What?

Okay. I'm finally making
inroads with your mom. I figured it out.

You don't try to work with her.
You work for her.

-[Markie] I'm ready to sign.
-[Rick] I need a pen.

-Right.
-Gwen, please can you Can I have the pen?

-Right here.
-Thank you for the pen, honey.

-This pen is too hard.
Yes. Thank you. -I'll get you a soft one.

-She's not your assistant.
-Soft pen. You want a soft pen?

Yo, what's a soft pen?

Okay, no need for pens, Gwen.
You can put the pens down.

Let's put these contracts down.

Interfering with my life
constantly is fine, maybe.

Interfering with some of
my best friends' and coworkers' lives,

I think, is a step too far, so

I'm getting in
on the ground floor of Hairz.net, Evan.

Thirty-five percent
on the back end. That's her take.

Okay. We're gonna go.

I don't appreciate you talking
to our employee like that. This is--

-I'll see you guys
at dinner, okay? -Okay, see you.

No, no dinner.
Dinner's canceled.

I'm not gonna not eat tonight!

Papi, there's those chips
I was asking for.

-Keep doing a good job.
We'll tip you 20%. -Thank you.

Freaking bummed. I'm so bummed.

Yeah, well,
it's probably because my mom's in town,

and she makes people
feel stressed.

No, no, she's great.
I love working for her. Like, I love her.

I'm bummed that I'd never got
a Dick's Sporting Goods gift card

for teacher of the month.

What would you buy with that?
Golf clubs?

They have tents.
They have heat lamps for camping, espressos for camping.

-But do you go camping?
-No.

[Markie] Rick, what the hell?
When did you put this up?

I have better hair than you.
I should be the face of the website.

You look like
you're constantly stuck in eight-mile-an-hour wind.

-[Rick] Grant, tell him.
-I'm not getting in the middle of this.

-Jesus.
-Waiter, could I get a margarita, please?

Oh, uh, me too. [chuckles]

I brought him in on this
Hairz.net deal

because
he needs something in his life.

He needs something
in his career.

He's a fucking
guidance counselor.

All right, those guys
got very little to live for. Second after dentist.

But now I realize
the idea's got legs. I don't even really need him.

Waiter, forget the margarita.
Just a double shot of tequila, please.

Waiter, excuse me. We're ready.

We would like 12 orders
of Domino's Philly cheesesteak pizza. Thank you.

You don't have to. That's okay.
Thank you.

-You can do that?
-They don't have that here, Mom.

That's from Domino's.
It's in the name.

-[in Spanish] Deja de
controlarme. Yo no estoy controlando la situa--

[in Spanish] T� est�s tratando
de controlar todo.

T� acabas de ordenar por...
por todo el mundo.

[in English] Why are you
so cruel towards me?

I'm grateful for this moment.
That's how I feel.

The only reason I decided
to help out Markie with the website

is 'cause I feel bad
for the guy.

-Mm-hmm.
-I figured I'd give him a boost.

Waiter, uh,
forget the double shot of tequila.

Just the whole bottle
of tequila

-would be best.
-Bring the bottle. Hurry up.

[Rick] There he is.

-[in Spanish] Muchas gracias, a.
-Gracias.

-[in English] Drill me one.
-Help!

-[Markie] Whoa!
-Sorry.

I just wanted to make
a dramatic entrance. How are you guys?

That was scary as fuck.

If it isn't the special guest
my own son doesn't want me to meet.

-Come here.
-Honey!

-You look like a toddler.
-You and What?

And the breasts?
You look incredible.

-Oh, my God.
Thank you. Sit down, please. -You're gorgeous.

-Hey, Evan.
-[Rick] What's up, dude?

-You two know each other?
-In a sense, yes.

She found me on Instagram
and invited me.

-Instagram is the new Tinder.
-[Elena giggles]

[in Spanish]
Mandar mensaje Instagram.

[in English] Okay.
Well, I'm sorry, Malcolm, that this looks bad.

I was trying to
keep you two apart

because I knew she would meddle
and try to mess something up between us.

-And now it's happening.
So, great. -Oh, my God. Shut up, Evan.

In what world
am I not gonna be obsessed with a controlling Latin woman?

Like, that's my exact tea.

You know I love Sof�a Vergara.
She's the background on my phone.

Like, do you even know me?

What's really going on here
is you were afraid of me "meeting the parents"

'cause you were scared of
what it would mean about our relationship.

[stammers, sighs]

It's not as simple
as you think, okay?

My relationship with her
is very complicated.

It's complicated?

Because you're the only one
in the world

who has
a complicated relationship with their parents?

-[Elena] Exactly.
-Like, that's everyone.

I mean, Markie,
your mom had Munchausen's by proxy, right?

Twice.

My family used to take turns
spanking me. That's why I turned out pretty good.

What is even
wrong with her anyway?

To me, she's like
the most perfect angel

-I've ever seen in my life.
-Oh, thank you, honey.

[Malcolm]
No issues at all with her.

Honey,
what are your issues with me, honestly?

Just say it.
What are your issues? Talk about it.

-Just open it up.
-You don't want to hear my issues, Mom.

-No, go ahead.
Tell the whole restaurant. -Okay, you want to hear this?

-Yes, go ahead.
-Okay.

You try to control
every situation,

think you know better
than everybody else.

You are constantly putting
yourself into situations where you're not needed

and trying to pretend to help
when actually things would have been fine

if you just
hadn't gotten involved in the first place.

[Elena, in Spanish]
Ay, mi amor.

[in English] That reminds me
of someone here. [scoffs]

-Huh?
-[Malcolm] She ate with that.

-You're saying
that's what I do? -[scoffs]

Oh, yeah.

That apple didn't fall
off the tree at all, bud.

You see, baby?
We're the same, you know. And you need to accept that.

You need to accept Malcolm
into your life. He's a great guy.

Facts.

You don't have
to hide your problems away from him.

He wants to help you, honey.
Understand?

-Rick?
-What?

You are CFO
and head of marketing.

What's that?

Markie,
you are founder and CEO.

Your business is not real,
at least not yet, so stop fighting for God's sake.

Yeah.

You know what, you do have
better hair than me.

-Thanks, buddy.
-Hell yeah.

Grant, you're perfect.
I have nothing to say about you.

-Thank you.
-[Elena chuckles]

-Gwen.
-Yeah?

Um, well, I'm not sure why,
but I just don't like you.

Oh.

That felt different
from the other stuff that you were saying.

Dude,
women just hate each other.

-Um, your Domino's is here.
-What the hell?

[cheers]
And I ordered on my phone.

-[Grant] All right.
-God.

Okay, everyone.
You got two each. I got two each.

-Margherita.
-[Elena] Gwen, you like to eat a lot?

[Gwen] I do.

Dude, this is literally
my favorite type of pizza.

[chuckling]
Guys, I love this shit! Yeah!

Oh, my God. Look,
listen to this. Listen! Listen, do you remember this song?

This is my favorite song.
"Dev�rame Otra Vez."

-[Markie] It's good.
-[Rick] Nice.

Okay. Everybody,
grab a piece and let's dance. This is a lot of fun. Come on.

-Grab a piece.
-Let's do it.

-[Elena] Malcolm,
come be my partner. -Let's do it!

[? "Dev�rame Otra Vez" playing]
? Ay ven dev�rame otra vez

? Que la boca
me sabe a tu cuerpo ?

? Desesperan mis ganas por ti.. ?

[Malcolm] Evan, come dance.

-Dance with your mom and me.
-[Elena, in Spanish] Ven,

[Malcolm, in English] We're getg
very sensual over here,

-right?
-[Elena giggles]

-Not with me.
-May I steal this dance?

Hey.

So your mom loves me
or something? Like, is she obsessed?

Of course my mom loves you.
She's just like me.

She's actually kinda crazy.
I see it now. Actually scary.

I liked
when you yelled at her though.

-That was hot.
-[Evan mumbles]

What if we go look
at apartments this weekend, huh?

-[chuckles]
-You wanna do that?

Yeah, I'd be down to do that.

Or we could talk about
looking at apartments.

Oh. Okay. I'll take it.

[? "Bette Davis Eyes" playing]

The restaurant was amazing.
The food was delicious, huh?

We mostly ate food
from a different restaurant,

so I don't know how much credit
you should give them.

[sighs]
I'm grateful for this moment.

Where'd you get that?

-From my friend Evelyn
in Miami. -Oh.

You know,
she said to repeat that

whenever you make me crazy,
so I do it.

-[chuckles] Fair, fair.
-[chuckles]

-[phone dings]
-Look at this.

"Life doesn't have to be
perfect to be wonderful." Isn't that amazing?

Why is the frog on a building?

Um

I don't know. I have no idea.

Evan, let me get a picture
of you and your mom.

-[chuckles] Okay.
-Yeah, okay.

Okay, hold on. Ready?
You guys look so cute.

Shit.

-[Rick] Oh.
-[in Spanish] Co�o.

-[in Engish] I'm okay.
[chuckles] -[Evan chuckles]

Ah. I know now
why people like her, no.

Because she's the clown
in the group.

-[in Spanish] Eres una payasa.
-[grunts, in English] Yeah. Thank you, Mrs. Marquez.

[in Spanish] Me gusta, mira.
[in English] The world needs more clowns.

-[Rick] Jesus.
-I got it. I got it.

-[Rick] Slow. Slow.
-Are you okay?

[Gwen] I'm great.

Let's go.
Let's get out of here.

[? "Bette Davis Eyes"
continues]

? She'll let you
Take her home ?

? It whets her appetite ?

? She'll lay you
On her throne ?

? She got Bette Davis eyes ?

? She'll take a tumble on you ?

? Roll you like you were dice ?

? Until you come up blue ?

? She's got Bette Davis eyes ?

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