Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:04,800
The following programme contains
very strong language, adult humour
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,760
and scenes that some viewers
may find distressing.
3
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,040
ERIN: Let's give the best goodbye
4
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,080
to the beautiful man that was
Dylan Golding.
5
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,800
DAVEY: Go and give your friend
a fantastic send off.
6
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,720
The funeral he would have wanted.
7
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:29,399
Come on let's have it.
Scream if you want to go faster.
8
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,080
(CHEERING)
9
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,440
(PANICKED CRIES, SCREAMS)
10
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,720
Oh fuck.
(SCREAMS)
11
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,000
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC)
12
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:48,640
Woah. Woah. Woah.
Cardi, stop wriggling dude.
13
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,800
I've got a dead leg.
14
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,040
(COACH GROANS)
15
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,880
Fuck.
16
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,720
I'm too young to die,
I've never truly loved!
17
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,120
Yeah, or learned to drive.
18
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,480
There was a blowout!
19
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,130
Sonny's gonna be parentless, he's
gonna have to live with Sugar's mum!
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,920
That is bad actually.
21
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,400
What with her drinking
and her bad taste in men.
22
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,840
(COACH GROANS)
23
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,280
(PANICKED CRIES)
24
00:01:14,281 --> 00:01:17,999
Shush. Can we just- can we
just stop talking
25
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,759
and concentrate on not dying,
please.
26
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,080
Where the ever loving fuck
are Jim and Shirley?
27
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,760
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)
28
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,800
Siri - take me to Calvert Dale.
29
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,840
Directions to Calvary Sailing Club,
Stoke on Trent.
30
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:42,880
Calvert Dale, Calvert Dale,
you cunting, cunting cunt.
31
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,520
Playing Country Music songs
from Spotify.
32
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,200
Oh for fuck's sake.
33
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:52,320
They're here! They're here.
Guys, it's Jim and Shirley.
34
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,960
(GRUNTS AND SHOUTS)
35
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,840
(COACH GROANS)
36
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,080
Oh fuck!
37
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,480
Hurry up.
38
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,200
Don't know why you
bothered turning up.
39
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,560
I could probably do this
with my tractor; my tractor's an ox.
40
00:02:17,561 --> 00:02:20,519
My tractors stronger than your
tractor, any day of the week.
41
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,400
Your tractors a lady tractor.
42
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,880
Your tractors a cunt.
43
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,720
Your tractors a cunt!
44
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,880
Oyi. Wallace and fucking Vomit,
get a move on!
45
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,560
Alright, keep your fucking hair on.
Come on.
46
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,760
Can you hurry up.
47
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,520
OK.
48
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,440
We need to both start
pulling at the same time.
49
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,760
I'll count us, we'll go on three,
ready.
50
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,360
One, two...
51
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,640
I never said three.
52
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,080
(CABLE PINGS)
53
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,720
(ALL CRY OUT)
54
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,320
(CRYING OUT)
55
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,560
(ROCK CRUMBLES)
56
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:03,800
(METALLIC GROAN)
57
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,600
(PANICKED CRIES)
58
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,400
(ROCKS GRINDING)
59
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,440
(YELPS)
It's going to drag us over the edge.
60
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,440
Fucking hell.
I'm bailing.
61
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,520
(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC)
62
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,520
(SCREAMING)
63
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:24,360
Oh God.
64
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,920
(CRASH)
Fuck's sake.
65
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,880
Oh fu...
66
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,480
Fucking hell, we slowed its fall,
they might still be alive.
67
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,040
Get some help.
68
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,560
(SHOUTS) We're getting some help,
hold on!
69
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,400
Siri - call mountain rescue.
70
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,200
SIRI: Calling Martin Risque.
71
00:03:44,201 --> 00:03:47,599
# Barrett Strong - Money #
Fuck's sake.
72
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,000
# The best things in life are free
73
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,680
# But you can give them
to the birds and bees
74
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,040
# I need money
(that's what I want) #
75
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,160
(MEDITATIVE HUMMING)
76
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,720
Hey Vinnie.
77
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,040
Hmm.
78
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,480
Fucking 'ell..
79
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,240
What the fuck are you doing!
80
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,440
I'm om-ing.
81
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,530
Coming?
82
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,080
No, I'm not fucking coming.
83
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,160
I'm om-ing, and you've ruined it.
It's a Hindu tradition.
84
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,720
Supposed to help you.
85
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,000
I don't know chakra or somert.
86
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:29,240
So it's true then, what they're all
saying - you've gone weird.
87
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,160
I haven't gone weird, I'm just...
88
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,000
just trying,
to reflect a bit that's all.
89
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,840
We all nearly died that day, Vin.
90
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:40,200
But there's still pigs to feed
and shit to be shovelled.
91
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,360
Come on, taking you for a pint-
92
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,240
Hey. I'm not going drinking.
93
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,800
I've read about it.
94
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,610
It just contributes to it all
don't it, depression and...
95
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,080
..fucking anxiety and that.
96
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,640
Fuck me, this is more serious
than I thought.
97
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,920
Look, I'm no counsellor, Vin,
98
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,070
but as that cunt out of
Mork and Mindy said
99
00:05:07,071 --> 00:05:10,319
when he got those little privileged
little twats to stand on desks
100
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,440
in that poetry film - carpe diem.
101
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,160
You'll be right. I'm just...
102
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,760
(SOFTLY) Fuck me man...
103
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,160
My head,
I don't know why it does it. Just...
104
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,720
I get really sick of myself.
105
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,920
And there's time I just think
fuck it, you know...
106
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,040
I've wished for this sweet oblivion.
107
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,320
And then I get to it, and I just...
108
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,000
You want to live.
109
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,090
Yeah.
110
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:44,480
Me too.
111
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,560
And this is the year of bukkake.
112
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,590
# The Specials:
A Message to You, Rudy #
113
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,080
Dude. The fuck.
114
00:05:54,081 --> 00:05:57,239
We're in a good spot guys,
we're doing well,
115
00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,200
you know, there's no bloody McCann:
he's dead, bloody Manolito:
116
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,440
he's fucked it as well.
117
00:06:02,441 --> 00:06:04,479
No-one's trying to cut
anyone's todger off.
118
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,920
I say,
we just go back to ways of old.
119
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,100
Do you know what I mean?
120
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,440
We grow the weed, sell the weed,
the odd fucking job on the side,
121
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,320
take each day as it comes. Lovely.
122
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,760
Why'd you put your hand up, dude?
123
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,880
I've been talking, with my wife
and Carol, we were thinking that,
124
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,200
maybe it's t- time to quit
while we're ahead...
125
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,040
What the fuck, what do you mean?
126
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,200
I mean,
that we're in a better place,
127
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,880
me and her, and we're
not getting any younger, Vin!
128
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:38,800
And I want to get old with her,
without being... not alive.
129
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:40,879
He's got a point, Vin,
and that coach, right,
130
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,519
it's the not first time we've been
nearly been killed.Give over.
131
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,630
I mean alright,
give me another example,
132
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,000
of when we've nearly been killed,
come on.
133
00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:49,519
There where that time down sewers.
134
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,890
Won't there, when big old fatberg
and that, you know blocking us in.
135
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,160
(WET SPLAT)
(PANICKED CRIES)
136
00:06:55,161 --> 00:06:59,319
Alright the sewers
and the bloody coach. What else?
137
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,840
The lion. The lion was dangerous.
Jesus!
138
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,720
No he was a fucking- He was caged.
139
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,920
Sixty-ish percent of the time
he was caged.
140
00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:10,479
Alright, what about the time
Tillerton's head came off?
141
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,600
That fucking gang shooting us.
142
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,280
Fuck you!
Shit.
143
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,560
(YELLING)
(SPLAT)
144
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,000
(SCREAMING)
145
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,119
Thinking about it, you know,
we have been shot at
146
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,680
on multitudinous occasions.
147
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,720
(GUNFIRE)
148
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:24,960
(SCREAMS)
149
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,360
It's gonna fucking sound bad,
when you list it like this. Alright.
150
00:07:30,361 --> 00:07:31,839
I'm not risking prison again.
151
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,319
Yeah. We've got a Sonny now.
We can't take them risks anymore.
152
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,039
And I've been developing
a YouTube personality actually;
153
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,279
I've been getting actually quite
a lot of followers.
154
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,840
What about you?
Me?
155
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,760
Oh you know me, Vincent,
156
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,000
fingers in so many pies
they call me Fray Bentos.
157
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,520
Fucking fine. Get jobs then.
158
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,440
Get jobs,
and pay taxes like dickheads.
159
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,280
Chatting to fucking Daryl
from accounts.
160
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,320
I'm still available...
Doh you and your face..
161
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,250
Settle petal. Simmer down.
Just fucking cross with you all.
162
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,320
While I've been working out,
how to keep us all together,
163
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,920
you fuckers have been
trying to move on.
164
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,360
(LIGHT MUSIC)
165
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:15,159
Fucking unbelievable.
That's the- that's it.
166
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,040
That is the start of
the fucking end, right there.
167
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,320
Nothing lasts forever.
168
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,240
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
169
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,200
Oh fuck... It's Mrs Bishop.
170
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,280
Daphne.
Hello boys...
171
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,479
Now then. Oyi, whatever it is,
we're closed for fucking business.
172
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,960
What do you want?
Want? Me?
173
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,320
I'm just here to see
a few friends of mine.
174
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,280
Toodle-oo.
175
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,360
Friends.
She hasn't got friends.
176
00:08:50,361 --> 00:08:52,799
She hasn't got fucking-
She's up to some shit, is what she-
177
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,080
The only time she ever comes here
is because she wants something
178
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,160
nasty doing
to one of her shag pieces.
179
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,640
Come on. Fucking up to somert,
telling you now dude...
180
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,680
Oh God. Alright.
181
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,960
Oh for fuck's sake.
Who the fuck are these tight-skinned
182
00:09:08,961 --> 00:09:11,159
fucking whippersnappers.
She's giving them money!
183
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,320
Fuck me, it's a new gang.
I fuckin' told you.
184
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,120
We have left the vacuum and these,
they've come,
185
00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:18,759
and they've shagged the vacuum.
I'm fucked. Check this out now!
186
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,680
Oh stomp. Stomp, stomp Hagrid.
187
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,720
What the fuck is all this shit, eh?
188
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,640
Friendship my fucking cockhole,
189
00:09:26,641 --> 00:09:29,559
what's she fucking paying you
to do this bastard here, eh?
190
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,920
Who the fuck are you,
you tattoo'd old twat.
191
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,760
Oh...
That was really fucking rude madam.
192
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,040
Rude, very rude.
Rudas a scarriott. Yeah.
193
00:09:38,041 --> 00:09:40,639
Although to be fair you are very
heavily tattooed and you know,
194
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,319
nobody likes this chin one.
I regret it.
195
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:47,040
I'm getting married, Vincent
and these lovely young people
196
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,720
to help make my day utterly perfect.
197
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:50,920
Right. Quick question.
198
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,480
Who the mucky fuck will
want to marry you?
199
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:58,520
Wouldn't you like to know, Tommo,
but it's real love this time, and...
200
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,360
..after all the years
that I've wasted
201
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:08,160
on that bastard,
I think I've finally deserve...
202
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,680
Here we go!
..some...
203
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,200
(CRIES)
204
00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:15,239
I mean look at this shit.
Do you know what I mean.
205
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,279
This is what you'll be working
with, it's a fucking nightmare.
206
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,280
(LOUD CRYING)
207
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,160
Listen to me, hey, give over now.
208
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,920
When these fuckers,
mess this job up,
209
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,240
please don't come crying to me,
I'm out like hocus pocus.
210
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,320
Poof!
Poof. (CHUCKLES)
211
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:35,960
Bastards!
212
00:10:35,961 --> 00:10:40,119
Did I flounce out?
You flounce a bit, you flounced...
213
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,600
The fuck was...
Oh does my fucking head in...
214
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,040
Oh hello.
Oyi. Vincent O'Neil.
215
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,480
You alright?
216
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,240
You don't remember me, do you?
217
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,840
No...
218
00:10:53,841 --> 00:10:55,119
Do you wanna enlighten me?
219
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,080
Say hello to my dad, will yer,
if you see him.
220
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,440
Who the fuck is her dad...
I don't fucking know!
221
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,440
Her and her dad can kiss
my bum hole.
222
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,800
Oh my fucking God,
d'you know that...
223
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:10,199
What?
That's Jim's daughter...
224
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,600
Alison?
225
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,120
Yes.
Back here?
226
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,280
Yes.
227
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,200
I haven't seen her since her mum
poisoned her against me.
228
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,680
How's she looking?
She's fucking bonnie.
229
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:24,199
I mean, she looks nothing like you,
you know what I mean, thank Christ.
230
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,120
That's the thanks you get,
for wiping their arse,
231
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,240
for- for cradling them through
sleepless nights...
232
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,480
No. That's a lie.
233
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,160
I don't think you ever did
anything like that.
234
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,800
Well it's not the fucking point,
is it?
235
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,160
I was there - providing!
Yeah.
236
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,680
Working my hands to the bone
to put fucking rusks
237
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,560
in her slobbery little gob.
238
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,000
And just because I had a
sexually adventurous love affair
239
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,720
behind her mother's back,
240
00:11:49,721 --> 00:11:52,159
and she got the wrong end of
the stick when she caught me
241
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,120
in the back of that Mini Metro with
her best mate's mam,
242
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,560
she ditches me.
243
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,840
Selfish...
Her own father.
244
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,960
Unreal.
Not a call, not a fucking text...
245
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,080
I mean, she's not my favourite
daughter, but I'm fond of her.
246
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,360
What a beautiful story,
by a wonderfully beautiful man.
247
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,600
You're a dick dude.
248
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,280
Do you want my advice,
fucking bell her up,
249
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,120
life's too short to
be holding grudges Jimbo.
250
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,640
Yeah right...
251
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:20,640
Maybe...
252
00:12:20,641 --> 00:12:23,719
Fucking maybe, oyi, you can ask her
what she's bloody up to an all,
253
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,999
she's a rum fucker.
I wanna know what she's doing...
254
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,960
Eh. It'll be somert good.
255
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,240
She was very bright, Ally,
took after her old man...
256
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,920
(SCOFFS) Wow.
257
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,960
Hey, hey fucking 'ell, fucking
brain the size of a planet me.
258
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,800
Is the planet made of gas
and white dog shit?
259
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,720
Oh...
(PHONE RINGING)
260
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,120
Oh fucking 'ell.
Oh madam, the plot thickens,
261
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,400
check that out.
262
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,280
My bitch ex-wife
is getting married again.
263
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,480
Hmm.
Right...
264
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,680
Minute the divorce came through,
bang, ring on her finger.
265
00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,160
The guy's loaded, of course,
owns his own PR firm,
266
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,400
and I'm telling you now,
she only wants his money.
267
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,600
Aye. So what's it to you?
268
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,600
Well she takes me for
half of my cash
269
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:11,039
and now she's gonna get her hands
on somebody else's money,
270
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,880
oh no, no, no, not on my watch.
271
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,760
Here is this ornamental.
272
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:16,720
No.
273
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,200
It looks ornamental.
274
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,360
Well it's not.
275
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:22,239
Don't fucking hurt yourself,
will yer.
276
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,359
It's great big sword love.
You know what I mean.
277
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,000
So erm... what've you done
to your finger then?
278
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,360
It's just an accident.
279
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,400
An accident with a fish.
280
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,490
A fish.
281
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,240
I am not fingering fish.
282
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,120
We didn't say that. You said that.
No one mentioned it. Just...
283
00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:46,319
So come on then,
what do you want us to do?
284
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,760
Fuck the wedding up.
285
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,460
Get the whole thing called off...
286
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:56,120
This now and then the same again
when she's crying into her tiara.
287
00:13:56,121 --> 00:14:00,159
You can't ruin a woman's wedding,
it's the happiest day of her life.
288
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,640
Have you met my ex?
289
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,160
No.
290
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,360
No. Well these'll tell you,
she's a piece of work.
291
00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:09,519
I mean she's what you'd call
a common end garden
292
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,960
run of the mill, bell end.
293
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,880
Listen. Listen, I'm grateful you
brought us the job.
294
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,800
But we're thieves aren't we,
professional thieves.
295
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,240
Our skills aren't tailored
to breaking up
296
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,760
fucking relationships man.
297
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,280
So you can't do the job them?
298
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:26,680
No. We can't no.
299
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,320
Right, OK. It's just that I've-
300
00:14:29,321 --> 00:14:31,279
I've heard about another crew
rolling around,
301
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,879
that might not pass up my money,
so...
302
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,039
Really?Hey.
Young I hear.
303
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,040
Fuck off. For fuck sake.
Well then alright then.
304
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,440
He's got us there...
He's a bind.
305
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,400
Oh and this time I wanna see
your mastery at work.
306
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,240
I know where he lives.
307
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,000
I'm in!
308
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,640
(SWOOSH)
Argh! Argh! My fucking toe.
309
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,560
Oh hell...
Not ornamental.
310
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,960
MEENA: What are we doing here,
311
00:14:57,961 --> 00:15:00,279
I can't believe you're dragging me
into this.
312
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,600
No. No, I'm not. Don't you fucking
dare, because right a hearse
313
00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:04,919
is the perfect cover in't it,
314
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,959
besides what the fuck else
were you doing today.
315
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,280
Actually nothing, it's very quiet.
316
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,600
Dead, is it?
317
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,040
Dead.
There he is,
318
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:18,040
Kenton Baldwin - director of
KenWin Public Relations,
319
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,520
biggest client COME FLY airlines.
320
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,520
Yes. Exactly, and a smugger twat
you could not hope to meet.
321
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,280
We should go through his bins.
Dig up some dirt...
322
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,680
He keeps his bins down the side
of his house.
323
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,840
We'd have to gain access
through this fucking front gates.
324
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,800
Yeah. No problem. Just buzz in
and say we're the bin men.
325
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:39,960
(SCOFFS)
326
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,240
It's OK, alright I'm sorry
to break it to you love,
327
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,720
but it isn't that simple.
328
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,600
(BUZZER TRILLS)
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)
329
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,160
WOMAN: Hello?
Bin men.
330
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,480
(DOOR BUZZES)
Oh.
331
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,000
Fair do's... fair do's... yeah.
332
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:58,239
His cars there, he might be in.
Hurry the fuck up!
333
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,760
This wasn't what I had in mind.
334
00:15:59,761 --> 00:16:01,959
So listen, we'll do the paper, you
do the general.
335
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,960
You know, for a traveller,
you're surprisingly au fait
336
00:16:04,961 --> 00:16:06,719
with suburban bin divisions
aren't yer?!
337
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,239
I take my recycling very seriously.
338
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,760
Good for you.
Now look at this...
339
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,360
This breaks my heart,
340
00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,919
some idiot has emptied their
bathroom bin in here.
341
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,480
Is that paper?
No.
342
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,080
Is that paper?
No.
343
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,400
I swear to God,
344
00:16:19,401 --> 00:16:22,039
if I was prime minister, I'd make it
a fucking hanging offence.
345
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,359
Right, well I don't think they
do hanging anymore, love.
346
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:25,959
Well I'd bring it fucking back.
Right.
347
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,360
(RETCHES)
What is it?
348
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,880
Used condom, very used condom
wrapped inside a tissue.
349
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,120
What's that? A used condom?
350
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,280
Right, let's have a look.
Out the way.
351
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,720
(GROANS)
352
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,360
(SNIFFS)
(RETCHES)
353
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,960
That is not old spunk.
That is fresh.
354
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,080
How deep were it?
355
00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:50,999
How's she supposed to know how deep
it went?
356
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,760
In the bin, you clown,
not the fucking vagina.
357
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,240
Like... here...
358
00:16:55,241 --> 00:16:57,559
That's two or three days tops,
then that in't it...
359
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,320
Right so, here's the thing,
if Daphne has not been over
360
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,800
in his house in the last two
or three days then this my friends,
361
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,360
could be our smoking gun.
362
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,280
Hey! You aren't bin men!
363
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,440
Fuck!
Leg it. Leg it.
364
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,320
(CHAOTIC POP MUSIC)
365
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,200
(GROANS)
366
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,160
(ARGUING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
367
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:40,880
Right we have found his bank
statements. Here, here and here...
368
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,880
Last June: we have this OBPAY.
369
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,960
OBPAY? What the fucks OBPAY?
370
00:17:45,961 --> 00:17:48,719
Well quite, yes, meaningless
and benign to the untrained eye,
371
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,360
but with a trained eye, i.e.
372
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,360
this guy, OBPAY is very much
the method of payment employed
373
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,640
in your adult establishment.
Oh that's fantastic,
374
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,040
that is good news.
375
00:17:59,041 --> 00:18:02,119
Right, alright so he's fucked then,
got a bit of dirt on him there.
376
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,710
We've got the used johnny,
we've got the wank codes.
377
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,920
You want dirt - look in bins.
378
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,480
A very cocky energy coming
off you Michael. WEBVTT
379
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:16,119
Well that's him fucked in it.
We've got dirt on him already.
380
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,920
Oh yes, he's definitely giving
the 'grab 'em by the pussy' vibes.
381
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,960
Vinnie... Vin!
382
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,800
Well, do come in won't you. What?
383
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,240
I've been thinking,
384
00:18:25,241 --> 00:18:26,839
like him with his long lost son,
385
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,760
I want to try and be part of
Ally's life again.
386
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,880
Err bababa. Asabababa.
387
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,320
Hang on a moment, right,
because Hans never knew me.
388
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,600
I never knew Hans.
389
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,000
Whereas, your Alison might have
got the measure of you,
390
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,920
you mankie old scrote
in her pre-pubescent years.
391
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:47,480
Oi fucking Tom Thumb,
I'm a fucking changed man.
392
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,640
I've fucking mellowed!
393
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,560
And I want you to broker a truce.
394
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,320
Why- why do I have to fucking do it?
395
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,000
Well it were your idea.
396
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,000
Please Vinnie..
397
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:02,999
Alright then,
where- where can I find her?
398
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,440
Here.
399
00:19:04,441 --> 00:19:07,239
I told her mother that I wanted
to put her in my inheritance,
400
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,440
and I needed her number
to fill out the forms. Hey.
401
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,200
Not a daft cunt.
402
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,000
I've only got a few minutes, OK.
I know, it won't take long.
403
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,680
Christ...
404
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,880
Alison.
405
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,800
Dad.
406
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,080
My little girl...
407
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,960
You're a woman.
408
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,320
Bloody good looking woman as well...
409
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:46,720
..mind you,
your mother was hot...
410
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,680
..in her day.
411
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,560
Not now, now she looks like
she's been left out in the sun
412
00:19:53,561 --> 00:19:55,599
too long and no amount
of Botox is gonna-
413
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,080
Pa pa pa pa...
Yes... yeah.
414
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:08,080
I just want to say that I know
I wasn't a great husband,
415
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,320
and I definitely could have been
a better father.
416
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,040
Yeah, you can say that again.
417
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,800
Well let me fucking finish.
Oh come on,
418
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:18,599
you were either farming or drinking
or tryna get your leg over
419
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,720
anything that moved...
Well,
420
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,520
back then it was fucking work hard
play hard, wasn't it...
421
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,440
Fucking pre-me too, you could
slap a woman on the arse...
422
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,960
No
..and it was considered
423
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,480
a sign of-
Da da da da da, just...
424
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:32,720
Fine!! Fine.
425
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,480
I'm sorry.
426
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,200
I was a bad father
427
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,040
and I want a second chance
to be a part of your life.
428
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,440
Yeah alright...
429
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,720
I mean, well seen
as we're clearing the air, I erm...
430
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,040
I would like you to admit one thing
to me.
431
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,560
Andrea was always your favourite.
432
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,280
(LAUGHS)
433
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,200
Favourite?
434
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,400
Parents don't have favourites...
Lying bastard.
435
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,720
Dad, come on, I'm a grown woman,
I can take it.
436
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,800
I know you loved me, I just,
437
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,120
always felt you loved Andrea
that little bit more.
438
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,360
All I'm asking is,
for you to finally...
439
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,840
..admit it.
440
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,280
(MOUTHS)
441
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,040
It was no more than sixty forty.
442
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,560
Wow.
443
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,280
Arsehole.
444
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,280
I hope you die old and lonely,
445
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,760
you've got all dressed up
and you still reek of fucking pigs.
446
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,280
Alison... Ally.
447
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,440
How do you think that went, then?
448
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,920
Now then.
449
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,680
Do you live in this thing?
450
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,040
Yeah. Me and Fay, no fixed abode
and all that.
451
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,560
I think it's fucking cool.
452
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,920
So are you erm...
453
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,040
..are you back for your dad or what?
454
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,800
No. Fay just seems to think
we'll get more work round here.
455
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,120
That's all.
Hmm.
456
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,400
I hear you grow the best weed
in Hawley.
457
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,200
I do. I grow the best weed this side
of Amsterdam,
458
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,280
tell your shagging mates
that an all.
459
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,000
Just take your time,
it's a bit strong.
460
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,160
That is good.
It's alright, in it?
461
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,000
So, how's it going with Mrs Bishop?
462
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,400
Good, good, yeah, yeah, yeah,
erm fantastic.
463
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,840
The 'fantastic' bit.
464
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,680
That's a fib that. I'm getting
definite fucked it vibes here.
465
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,280
No, I've not!
Yes you've...
466
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,890
No, I've not!
Give me that back.
467
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,840
Your vibes are all wrong mate.
468
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,600
Take your fucking old man vibes
and vibe-o-metre
469
00:23:09,601 --> 00:23:12,279
and go and buy some
fisherman's friends or whatever.
470
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,280
Well fucking fine, I will then.
Fine.
471
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,970
Fine. But I'm telling you now,
I've got a real feeling
472
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,710
that you might've fucked this thing
right on up there.
473
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,240
Well there was a slight hiccup.
474
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,960
Fucking sick...
475
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,080
Explain yourself.
Cheers.
476
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,000
She said, her first wedding,
was awful
477
00:23:35,001 --> 00:23:37,799
and the minute she stepped
in the venue, she knew it was...
478
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,000
Cursed.
479
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:44,600
But I can sense that the marriage
wasn't going to be a happy one.
480
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,160
And that man, he stole
the best years of my life.
481
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,040
But this time, I've got
my heart set on Ardley Hall.
482
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,680
With it's Crittall windows
and Georgian buttressing...
483
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,680
The problem is,
it's a very popular venue
484
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,880
and it's booked up
for years in advance.
485
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,800
They only do weddings on a Saturday.
486
00:24:03,801 --> 00:24:07,239
So they've popped me on the waiting
list but no fuckers cancelling,
487
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,840
so I'm having to matters
into my own hands.
488
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,440
She a lunatic. Honestly..
489
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,720
I've acquired a list of all
the brides that are due
490
00:24:16,721 --> 00:24:18,319
to get married
in the next six weeks,
491
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:22,440
and if, by some terrible misfortune,
492
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,960
one of these couples should happen
to change their mind,
493
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,000
it means that I get
the wedding of my dreams.
494
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,160
Yay.
495
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:34,360
She selfish, spiteful
and fucking mean spirited.
496
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,320
Anyway we decided
we weren't gonna hurt anyone.
497
00:24:37,321 --> 00:24:38,799
Right, so what have you done?
498
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,160
So, you know my girlfriend Fay,
the one that called you-
499
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,880
Tattoo'd old twat.
Yes. Yes.
500
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,600
So, we chose the first people
off the Bishop's list,
501
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,600
Martyn Dale and Jennifer Frost.
502
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,120
Love you, Marty pops.
Love you, Jen Jen.
503
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,680
I looked 'em up online,
they're like super square,
504
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:01,120
super conservative, so Fay decided
the best course of action was...
505
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,560
Animal porn.
506
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,600
Fucking animal porn?
507
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,280
I know. That's what I said.
508
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,240
But listen, you guys are old school,
509
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,240
our generation we know about tech
and all that stuff.
510
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,080
It's best way to screw people over.
511
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,760
We'll plant it on his computer...
512
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,320
Then we'll bell her up,
anonymously,
513
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,040
and tell her where to find it.
514
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,280
(ANIMAL NOISES)
515
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,520
(GASPS)
516
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,840
And within a day or two...
I can't do it.
517
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,320
Oh fuck.
518
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,200
The wedding's off.
519
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,290
Jen?
520
00:25:35,291 --> 00:25:38,999
So what have you done then?
Well, it was all going swimmingly.
521
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,480
We'd followed him to this cafe,
found his laptop password,
522
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,800
so all we needed to do
was break into the house,
523
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,320
find the laptop and plant the porn.
Right.
524
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:51,320
Now our guy Baxter,
he is the top at break-ins.
525
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,920
Trouble is,
he's not the brightest spark.
526
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,600
The stupid thick bastard gets inside
the house, finds the laptop,
527
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,080
and all he has to do is transfer
the contents onto the laptop.
528
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,120
(GRUNTS)
Knocked out cold.
529
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,960
Now Martyn arrives home.
530
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,360
Finds him. Police get called.
531
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,000
Oh.
Hmm.
532
00:26:13,001 --> 00:26:15,679
And now his brother Darren's saying
he hasn't the stomach for it.
533
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,200
So it's just me and Fay.
534
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:19,520
Oh.
535
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,440
Oh alright, you smug twat.
536
00:26:23,441 --> 00:26:25,679
I know what you're thinking.
What am I thinking?
537
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,600
Young idiots not up to the task.
538
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,560
That is exactly what I'm thinking.
539
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,200
You know, I always admired you,
540
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,840
when I was a kid and you used
to come to the farm.
541
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,360
Thought you were a bit
like Robin Hood.
542
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,440
Fuck it, really?
No, I'm being serious, I am.
543
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,120
You know, you always used to say
like,
544
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,360
'we're the forgotten generation,
us lot, so we make our own rules'.
545
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,360
I mean, that's how we feel now,
546
00:26:54,361 --> 00:26:56,719
we just need a bit of guidance,
bit of time to learn.
547
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,120
Someone to learn from.
548
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,920
No. You can't seriously
be suggesting that I work with you
549
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,000
and fucking Peter Pan.
Oh come on.
550
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,840
We're young, we're energetic
551
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,080
and from what I'm hearing your guys
aren't so enthusiastic anymore.
552
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,360
My guys, are just...
553
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,360
..you know,
busy with a lot of different...
554
00:27:17,361 --> 00:27:19,559
They'll be back, they're all gonna
fucking listen,
555
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,200
don't you worry about my guys.
556
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,120
New blood, what new blood.
557
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,800
And they've got a tough one too, and
Jim's daughter's a computer whizz.
558
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:29,890
What, really?
559
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,040
J- Jim's daughter?
560
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,780
Have they got a vehicle guy?
561
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,240
They've got a vehicle guy.
562
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,560
They've got Bishops jobs too,
it's like the old days.
563
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,810
I'm thinking one more job
wouldn't hurt. Would it?
564
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,360
Yeah, one more job... Yeah..
565
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,280
One job, like the old days.
What are you saying?
566
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,080
No. No. I'm going back to Blackpool
in a couple of days.
567
00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,520
Sugar?
Tommo,
568
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,560
I'm not helping you ruin
the happiest day of a woman's life.
569
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,840
Alright, alright, alright, OK,
much as I am sympathetic
570
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:06,800
to your romantic inclinations,
571
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,240
let me tell you this sweetheart,
this list, right,
572
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:14,360
it's exclusively made up of,
how do I say this... posh cunts.
573
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,880
It's a fucking double barrelled
bonanza over here, you've got err...
574
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,560
Hayley Taylor-Clarke,
Miranda Morgan-Fry,
575
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,650
Sarah Cheeseman...
Actually that's just-
576
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,680
Sarah Cheeseman? Let's have a look.
577
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,640
(OMINOUS TONE)
578
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,730
I'm in.
579
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,000
Right, come on now, concentrate,
let's get started.
580
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,840
What about Cardi?
Has he said he was coming?
581
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,240
Not in so many words... no.
582
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:42,040
Well he fucking knows where we are,
doesn't he, if he changes his mind.
583
00:28:42,041 --> 00:28:45,279
We're fucking up two weddings today,
we need to do it in specific order.
584
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,359
First, were gonna fuck
up Cheeseman's wedding.
585
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,200
Alright. Mrs Bishop pays us.
Then we fuck up her wedding.
586
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,720
And Mr Bishop pays us for that.
587
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:54,920
Alright.
588
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,480
First up... Sarah Cheeseman.
589
00:28:58,520 --> 00:28:59,880
Yes!
Cheese off.
590
00:28:59,881 --> 00:29:01,639
We have a few options open to us.
Yes.
591
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,520
Number One: We cut off all her hair.
592
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,160
Including her eyebrows.
I like that.
593
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:11,560
Number Two: We mangle her hands
so they can't get ring on.
594
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,720
That's a bit much that, in't it?
595
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:15,160
And C...
596
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:16,600
No. No.
597
00:29:16,601 --> 00:29:18,879
It's not one, two, C is it,
it's not one, two, C...
598
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,119
It's one, two, three.
Right, whatever, C, whatever...
599
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,320
We go for the teeth.
600
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,920
Teeth.
No.
601
00:29:23,921 --> 00:29:26,119
Teeth, hang on a minute,
am I hearing this correctly?
602
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,680
Who is gonna mess up her teeth?
603
00:29:27,681 --> 00:29:29,519
Can we not just shave her
shagging hair off.
604
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,879
What if she wears a wig?
Well then fucking do her eyebrows,
605
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,720
Ashley. Lord fire.
606
00:29:33,721 --> 00:29:36,599
I mean she's not gonna wanna get
married looking like fucking Beaker.
607
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,199
Bald cunt with the glasses from
the Muppets, is it that same one?
608
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,279
Dr Bunsen.
That's the bastard. Well in dude.
609
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,440
Wait Muppets?
610
00:29:42,441 --> 00:29:45,359
That the ones with the frog
that's wanting to fuck the pig,
611
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,240
but the pig's all like cunty
612
00:29:47,241 --> 00:29:49,679
and like whacks him with
a karate chop, but he still...
613
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:50,959
he still fucking wants her.
614
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,360
Also that's such a fucking weird
take, but yes, that is the Muppets.
615
00:29:54,361 --> 00:29:56,759
That is- That is the Muppets
in't it. Yeah she's got it.
616
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,079
Fucking shut up, I think we should
split into two groups,
617
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,759
alright we've got a Cheeseman group.
And Mrs Bishop group.
618
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,039
Find out how we can shave
Cheeseman's hair off.
619
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,120
OK. Here we've got her
personal calendar.
620
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,160
How did you get into that so quick?
621
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,200
Easy peasy. Let's have a look,
we've got...
622
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,470
Nail appointment tomorrow,
dress pick up,
623
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:16,240
fiance's suit from dry cleaners,
cake and favours delivery,
624
00:30:16,241 --> 00:30:18,679
God getting married's stressful.
Tell me about it.
625
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,360
What's O-W-L?
626
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,000
It's a night time bird.
627
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,560
It's an acronym.
628
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:25,760
Google it JJ.
629
00:30:26,111 --> 00:30:30,839
Overwhelmingly large;
Olympic weight lifting;
630
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,999
older woman's league;
online weekend learning.
631
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,520
Well it's none of them is it.
Ongoing weight loss.
632
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,960
Bingo.
That's the one! Well done.
633
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:40,599
Right, yeah but that's not
what we're looking for, is it?
634
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,759
I know there's literally everything
here except her hair appointment.
635
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,319
How we gonna fuck it up
if we don't even know when it is?
636
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,240
Won't she have it done on the day?
637
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,640
Have it done on the day,
there'll be pre-treatments, trims,
638
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,320
root tints, conditioning masks.
639
00:30:53,321 --> 00:30:55,839
For me this is personal,
so I'm going to that nail bar,
640
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,190
I'm gonna get reacquainted
with my old friend.
641
00:30:58,191 --> 00:31:01,079
Right, I need to ask you
a serious question,
642
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:02,600
why do you hate her so much?
643
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,120
(WISTFUL STING)
644
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,000
(PARTY CHATTER)
645
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,320
(CLATTER)
646
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,760
(DRILL WHIRRS)
(SINISTER STING)
647
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,000
(MUSIC ENDS)
It's a long story.
648
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:27,320
Right, let's just say we're getting
our nails done for a weekend away,
649
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,720
alright, we're mates.
Aw nice, where we going?
650
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,600
I don't know, do I.
651
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,320
Well that's not much of
a cover story, is it.
652
00:31:34,321 --> 00:31:37,479
Here what about - The Lake District,
I've always wanted to go there.
653
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,480
No, it just pisses down
all the time.
654
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,320
Well what if were going
for a spa weekend.
655
00:31:42,321 --> 00:31:44,719
Why we getting our nails done for
a spa weekend,
656
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,919
where we could just get them done
there?That's true.
657
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,840
Because we've been before
and the woman who does them
658
00:31:49,841 --> 00:31:52,039
has the worst halitosis
you've ever smelt.
659
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,360
Oh God, the disgusting bitch.
660
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,230
OK, alright, we're good on our
story? Alright, let's go.
661
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,840
(BELL DINGS)
662
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,600
Oh my God. (LAUGHS)
663
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,080
Sarah!
664
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,280
Erin, hi.
665
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:11,480
Hi.
666
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,040
How long's it been?
667
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,360
Years.
Years.
668
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,600
Erm girls, this is erm Sarah,
we used to work together,
669
00:32:18,601 --> 00:32:19,679
back in the day.
670
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,000
Well, she used to work for me,
I was assistant manager,
671
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,840
she was store supervisor.
672
00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,440
But it's so nice to see you again.
Yeah.
673
00:32:27,441 --> 00:32:30,279
How old's that little
boy of yours now.
674
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,280
Err twelve.
Gosh, big.
675
00:32:33,281 --> 00:32:34,359
Big.
676
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,960
You did so well,
having him on your own.
677
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,400
I suppose you had no choice,
baby with a one night stand.
678
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,160
Oh that's a lovely ring,
when's the big day?
679
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,840
Weddings on the twelfth,
Ardley Hall,
680
00:32:46,841 --> 00:32:49,359
and you won't believe the ceremony
I've got planned,
681
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,480
oh I was just telling Benita
here about it.
682
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,160
Honestly, I am so excited,
683
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,520
my Ged is a huge Harry Potter fan.
684
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,920
Is he... A grown man.
He loves it.
685
00:32:58,921 --> 00:33:01,359
He's read all the books,
he's watched all the films,
686
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:05,840
he even refers to his you-know-what,
as his magic wand...
687
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,360
(ALL CHUCKLE)
688
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,840
Anyway, err as a surprise
I'm decorating the chapel
689
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,160
at Ardley in a Hogwarts theme.
690
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,760
It's a great idea isn't it?
691
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,360
And the crowning glory and I can
hardly believe I've managed this,
692
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:24,960
I've hired the North's
only fully trained owl
693
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,880
to swoop down, on cue,
over the guests heads,
694
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,600
and deliver our rings for the vows.
695
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,720
Wow, that's... quite something.
696
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,840
Thank you.
697
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,520
It'll be a hoot, Harry Potter.
698
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,720
You what?
699
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,880
You know Dobby... the elf, thingy.
700
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,240
'Slam my ears in the oven door,
to punish me'.
701
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,680
'Dobby only meant to mutilate
Master'.
702
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,960
The master...
OK, enough Dobby...
703
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,200
That owl's gonna be the centre piece
of the whole wedding.
704
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,280
It's gonna be the most perfect day.
705
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,160
What happens if the owl
doesn't perform?
706
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,240
Well it will perform,
or it gets 'disciplined'.
707
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,280
And I've got a rehearsal
with the handler, so...
708
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,720
Yeah. Right. Well err.
709
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,720
Sounds like it's gonna
be the most wonderful day.
710
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,520
Erm yeah nice to see yer.
We'll leave you to it.
711
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,480
Bye.
Bye.
712
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,160
You didn't get to the hair.
713
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,400
Fuck the hair, she won't get married
without that owl. WEBVTT
714
00:34:31,165 --> 00:34:32,760
(PLAYFUL TENSE MUSIC)
715
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,160
Here we go.
Right that's him there.
716
00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:41,040
That's the poor twat who's marrying
Mrs Bishop. Christ Almighty...
717
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,200
Flashy cunt.
718
00:34:43,201 --> 00:34:45,719
Exactly that, yes, and we have
reason to suspect,
719
00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:47,560
that he frequents massage parlours
720
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,560
and occasionally uses
yer casual sex worker.
721
00:34:50,561 --> 00:34:51,919
Oh yeah.
How do you know that?
722
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,159
Because we're professionals.
So how do we know that?
723
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:55,959
We through his bins.
Went through his bins.
724
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,400
Now listen, we can't just go
assuming, we need a bit of proof.
725
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,960
We're gonna send our mate
in, Rory Finnegan, to entrap him.
726
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,320
Alright.
Who is Rory Finnegan?
727
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:06,680
That's the website done.
728
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,560
Now you need to make a date
with Mrs Bishop's fiance.
729
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,960
My name is err Jeremy Chandler.
730
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,280
I'm the senior assistant of
Rory Finnegan
731
00:35:14,281 --> 00:35:15,679
of Finnegan Enterprises Dubai,
732
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,239
my company is looking to set up
a very large leisure centre
733
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,199
over there and would like to raise
it's profile here in the UK.
734
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:22,440
WOMAN: Dubai, you say?
735
00:35:22,441 --> 00:35:24,759
You're very welcome to check out
our website of course,
736
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,240
but we would prefer to meet
Mr Baldwin in person
737
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,160
to discuss the potential
of his involvement
738
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,640
in this exciting new venture.
739
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,120
Right here, we've got
a High Def: WIFI IP camera.
740
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:38,760
Cystal-clear sound.
741
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,000
And the final piece of the puzzle.
742
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:43,720
..the room key.
743
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,440
(SOFT HIP-HOP MUSIC)
744
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,600
(SOFT CONVERSATION)
745
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,200
# Kneecap: Better Way to Live #
746
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,600
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
747
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:51,520
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
748
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,600
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
749
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,680
Oh Mr Baldwin, I presume.
750
00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:08,720
Rory Finnegan MBE,
751
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,480
but I don't like
to talk about my titles.
752
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,360
It's a delight to meet you.
753
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,960
Come in. (CHUCKLES)
754
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,160
Shall we?
Yes.
755
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,240
(BIRD CALLS)
(SOFT SECRETIVE MUSIC)
756
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,600
Right, now are you gonna be
OK as getaway driver?
757
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,600
Only, statistically,
women are safer drivers than men.
758
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:46,120
Oh really? Are they?
Well, statistically...
759
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,760
# Motorhead: Ace of Spades #
(ENGINE ROARS)
760
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,400
# If you like to gamble...
761
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,040
(TYRES SQUEAL)
762
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,280
# You win some, lose some,
it's all the same to me
763
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,130
(MUSIC ENDS)
764
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,880
Well you asked for that.
765
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,080
# The White Stripes:
Seven Nation Army #
766
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:30,840
# I'm gonna fight 'em off
767
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,840
# A seven nation army couldn't
hold me back
768
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,680
# They're gonna rip it off
769
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,920
# Takin' their time right behind
my back
770
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:44,760
(AIR HISSING)
771
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,320
# And I'm talkin' to myself at night
Because I...
772
00:38:47,321 --> 00:38:50,279
Now you leave the owl to me,
because I watched a YouTube video
773
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,919
last night and I know
what I'm doing, OK.
774
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,040
You ready. One, two...
775
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,130
Fuck sake...
776
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,160
Sarah Cheeseman.
777
00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:59,760
Yes?
Good afternoon.
778
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,760
(SPRAY HISSES)
(SCREAMS)
779
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:03,850
Shit.
780
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,120
(CRYING OUT)
(FIGHTING)
781
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:09,560
(CRIES OUT)
782
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,440
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
783
00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:20,480
JJ. JJ. JJ give me a hand here!
784
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:21,680
(YELPS)
785
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:23,800
Ow, my fucking eyes.
786
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,000
What the fuck JJ.
(OWL SCREECHES)
787
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,840
No no no no no, down...
788
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:32,400
Get it you fucking idiot.
789
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:35,920
(WHACK)
(SPLAT)
790
00:39:35,921 --> 00:39:36,999
MAN: Oh, my eyes.
791
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,600
Fuck.
(SCREAMING)
792
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,000
What happened?
793
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,800
Nothing. Err it's still breathing.
794
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,440
Right let's go!
I can't see.
795
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,000
Fuck sake. Hold my jacket.
796
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:50,680
Fucking hell...
797
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:52,560
('Seven Nation Army' CONTINUES)
798
00:39:52,561 --> 00:39:56,199
Thought you lot were professionals.
What have you done to it?
799
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:57,720
It's resting.
Get in.
800
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,160
Get in!
801
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,960
(ENGINE STARTS, ROARS)
802
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,640
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
803
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:10,360
..there would be trips to and from,
for yourself and your colleagues...
804
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:15,800
..but essentially what we're looking
for old chap is a UK based
805
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,360
promotional agency to help us...
806
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,320
Oh I am starving.
What did you bring?
807
00:40:21,321 --> 00:40:23,479
Right, well listen I don't know
your tastes do I,
808
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,720
so I just got a selection.
I got ham, cheese
809
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,080
and the old reliable tuna sweetcorn.
810
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,320
Oh I fucking hate tuna.
You can't take that...
811
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,560
Shit, shit, shit...
Fuck, where is he going?
812
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,160
He's going in the fucking room.
813
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,360
Distract him.
Fuck's sake.I'll handle it
814
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:39,640
Don't go.
815
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,450
Oh mate, mate, sorry,
there's just been a little bit of
816
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,840
a misunderstanding about the room,
erm...
817
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,600
(CRACK)
818
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,520
Oh.
Oh... Now we're talking! (LAUGHS)
819
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,800
Bit over-zealous, but err...
very effective.
820
00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:01,800
(PHONE LINE RINGING)
821
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:05,720
SARAH: Hello, who is this?
822
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,480
(DISTORTED) We've got your...
823
00:41:07,481 --> 00:41:09,159
I can't hear a word
that you're saying.
824
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,360
I said: we have your owl.
825
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,480
Towel?
826
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,640
No, fucking forget it.
Postpone the wedding!
827
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,200
Or the owl gets it!
828
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:22,560
Just to be clear, we're not
actually killing the owl.
829
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,480
I'll kill you
before I'll kill the owl.
830
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,080
Argh.
Oh sorry.
831
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:30,800
Excuse you.
832
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,520
You look like a man who knows
how to enjoy himself.
833
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,080
Ahah. You've got that right.
834
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,280
We're men of means,
men of the world,
835
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:42,440
what say we find ourselves
a couple of companions
836
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,320
for the rest of evening.
837
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,720
Unfortunately, Rory...
Yeah
838
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,000
..those days are behind me.
Oh.
839
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,000
I've met a wonderful woman
and I'm getting hitched.
840
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:56,320
Yeah, well, what the eye
doesn't see...
841
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,280
..the heart can't mourn.
842
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,000
(LAUGHS) No.
No?
843
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:03,520
No, no, no.
844
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,000
What happens in Hawley
stays in Hawley.
845
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,240
Daphne's a fucking catch.
Is she?
846
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,640
Oh yeah, let me tell you.
847
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:12,800
Amazing in the bedroom.
848
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,080
What she can do with her tongue.
849
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,760
Yes.
..must be laws against it.
850
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,240
(LAUGHS)
(BURPS, GRIMACES)
851
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,720
So apart from the occasional
condom wank.
852
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,160
(SNIFFS)
(RETCHES)
853
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:25,960
I'm a one woman man.
854
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,920
Have fun. (LAUGHS)
855
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,680
See yer.
856
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,480
Sorry lads. I tried everything,
857
00:42:38,481 --> 00:42:40,359
but there's no chance
he's cheating on Mrs B.
858
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,760
He is smitten, this lad.
We saw.
859
00:42:42,761 --> 00:42:44,719
What is youse all smiling for?
Look at his face.
860
00:42:44,720 --> 00:42:46,839
Look at his little face.
You don't know, do you?
861
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,240
No.
(LAUGHS)
862
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,720
Excellent work fella.
863
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:53,600
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
864
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:54,880
Yeah. Go Ashley.
865
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,320
(CHAMPAGNE POPS)
866
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,680
You got me my venue!
867
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,320
I hope you have
the most wonderful day.
868
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:08,520
# Black Rebel Motorcycle Club:
Spread Your Love #
869
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,120
Release the hounds.
870
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:14,640
(GLASSES CLINK)
871
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:16,680
(TAPE WHIRRS)
872
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:21,520
Fabulous money making caper
but have you ever flown, COME FLY?
873
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,920
The people on that airline...
874
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,680
..it's like a Rochdale nightclub
at throwing out time,
875
00:43:27,720 --> 00:43:31,720
hideously ugly people
going on hen do's and lads weekends.
876
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:37,200
Mick the builder, with his tats
and his big tit girlfriend.
877
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,710
They haven't got three brain
cells between them.
878
00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:44,000
COME FLY: taking hideously dumb
chavs abroad since 1982.
879
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,520
(LAUGHING)
880
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,160
Stop! Stop!
881
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,120
# Fly. Fly, fly, fly...
882
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:52,880
A prominent PR mogul has resigned
today after making a series
883
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:55,840
of disparaging remarks about
the customers of one of
884
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,560
his biggest clients.
885
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,080
Earlier today, a private
conversation was published in
886
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,400
which Kenton Baldwin made
a series of shocking comments
887
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:05,640
about customers...
888
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,840
('Spread Your Love' CONTINUES)
889
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,040
(FLAPPING)
890
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,800
(EXCITED CHATTER)
(LAUGHTER)
891
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,680
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
892
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,920
Hey up me duck, err here I am,
guess where?
893
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:35,840
Ireland. With me wife Carol,
894
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,240
she wants to show me
where she grew up, and err...
895
00:44:38,241 --> 00:44:40,639
She says we might even meet
a leprechaun if we're lucky...
896
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:42,519
Oh yes, we'll probably see
some leprechauns.
897
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,439
But they'll probably
be cobbling their shoes.
898
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,200
Cobbling their little boots.
Or is it a joke.
899
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:50,920
Anyway I love you man and err,
don't die or anything.
900
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,920
Oh he's a fucking heart breaker.
901
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:58,040
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
902
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:02,480
What do you think then?
903
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,160
I think you've done a good job.
904
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:09,040
I am concerned your dad might not
approve with your career choices.
905
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:12,000
Oh fuck him. My dad's a cunt.
906
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,630
You have a lot more in common with
him, than you know.
907
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,170
God.
908
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:21,720
What the fuck...
909
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:28,320
Urg... Just I'm sorry,
hang on a minute. Be back.
910
00:45:34,951 --> 00:45:37,039
Davey.
911
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,960
Not me Guvnor.
912
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,320
Davey,
what the fuck are you doing, man?
913
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,840
Now the name is Alfred.
Alfred Barnard.
914
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,520
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC)
915
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,400
How are you gonna afford this?
916
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,200
Therein lies a very cunning plan.
917
00:45:55,201 --> 00:45:57,079
Which involves me going
for a four days...
918
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,840
(CHEERING)
..to Dusseldorf.
919
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,520
You are here for the bukkake.
920
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,030
Yeah right. Yeah.
What's the worst that can happen.
921
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,640
No no no no no.
922
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,360
You didn't take the insurance?
No.
923
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,280
(SCREAMING)
(GAS HISSING)
924
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,490
You mention bukkake
one more fucking time.
925
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:20,800
Fingering fish again?
926
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:30,120
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
927
00:46:30,170 --> 00:46:34,720
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
70101
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof