Original subtitles

- ? MTV ?

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

? ?

- Yeah, the woods sucks.

It's, like, full of trees.

[chuckles]

- Shut up, dumbass.

Hector said there's a naked swimming hole

out here somewhere.

[chuckles]

- I know, but, um, I think we're lost.

We passed that tree, like, three times already.

[chuckles]

- Trees all look the same, dumbass.

[chuckles]

- Not that one.

It's got a butthole. See?

Check it out. [chuckles]

- Oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

Well, good job, asswipe.

Now we're lost.

How is anyone ever gonna find us out here?

[chuckles]

- [humming]

? Up here in the sky ?

? Up here I feel free ?

? Up here with the eagles ?

? My glider and me ?

- Whoa.

Beavis, we gotta get that guy's attention somehow.

- Yeah, and let him know he sucks!

[chuckles] You suck!

- Yeah.

You suck really bad.

[chuckles]

- You sing like a butthole!

- Beavis?

Butt-Head?

Hello, boys.

I'm up here flying with the eagle-

[eagle screeching]

Ah! Ahh!

[eagle screeching]

Oh.

Ah.

- Whoa.

It's Van Driessen.

[both chuckling] - Oh, yeah.

- Ugh, boys.

My leg is broken.

You need to carry me to get medical attention.

Oh.

- Uh, no.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, we're lost.

So, like, um- so we don't want to.

[chuckles]

- Boys...[sighs]

I had hoped to rely on your basic human decency.

- You'll find none of that here, sir.

[chuckles]

- But you're lost, and I know the way out of the woods.

You need me as much as I need you.

- Uh, oh, yeah.

[chuckles]

Needing people sucks.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah, really. [chuckles]

[rock music playing]

[cheers and applause]

- Whoa.

That's JJ Escobar.

- Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] Who's JJ Escobar?

[chuckles]

- Uh, I don't know.

Some fat guy with a sock on his head.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah, cool.

[chuckles] Backyard wrestling kicks ass.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

- And he's holding it.

- Come on up here.

- That's the Grand Prix trophy!

That's the hardcore Grand Prix trophy!

- [mockingly] That's the Grand Prix trophy!

That's the hardcore Grand Prix trophy!

- [chuckling]

- This kicks ass, though.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sure does.

- This is the calm before the ass-kicking.

[chuckles]

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] Ooh, this could get good.

Yeah.

Yeah! There it is.

Yeah. Go, go!

Yeah. - Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

- Yeah, there you go. There you go.

Yeah, yeah.

- Ooh, yes.

- Ooh, this could get good, Butt-Head.

- Oh, my God. This is not going to be good.

- [chuckles]

- Yes! - Yes.

- Ooh, yeah.

[chuckling]

- That absolutely kicked ass.

[chuckles] - Yeah, yeah.

You know, it almost looked like he jumped off on purpose.

And then he landed in those boxes that

just happened to be there. [chuckles]

- That's cool.

[chuckles]

- You know, um- you know, Butt-Head,

that's what I love about this sport, you know?

It doesn't give back to the community, you know?

- Yeah. [chuckling]

That kicks ass.

[chuckles]

- Think anyone's gonna call the police?

[chuckles]

- Someone will probably, like, call 911

and be like, uh, hello, 911?

This is cool.

[chuckles]

Come down here and check this out.

[chuckling]

- Yeah, yeah.

This is so cool,

it's an emergency.

[chuckles]

Get down here immediately. [chuckles]

- Just bring the guy with the heart attack.

He'll want to die here

more than wherever the hell you are.

Trust me. [chuckles]

- He'll wish this was the last thing he saw

instead of his dumb life flashing before his eyes.

[chuckles]

- Then she's like, "OK, sir, I'm sending

the fire department because they like to party too."

- It's like... [imitating radio static]

Uh, yeah, One Adam 12, we got a 69, 69.

Something cool is happening, over.

[imitating radio static]

I'm gonna go in there and drink some beers, over.

- No, Adam 12, wait for backup.

[chuckles] We're coming in with a keg.

[chuckles]

You know what kicks ass?

Every single person you see here is breaking parole.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

[announcer speaking indistinctly]

- He looks like your mom fumbling around the kitchen

at night looking for some beer.

[chuckles] Like in between sessions.

[chuckling]

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the truth hurts, you know?

[chuckles]

- This is known as an old growth forest,

which is crucial for wildlife-

- This sucks.

[chuckles]

- He just goes on and on.

It's too bad he didn't break his mouth.

Jesus.

- Here, you'll notice

an interesting species of tree moss.

The Indigenous people-

[exclaiming, gurgling]

- Hey, Butt-Head.

He's gone.

[chuckles]

- Ah! Ah!

Ah! Somebody!

- Uh, there he is.

He's taking a nap.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, look at him.

He's just lazy.

[chuckles]

He just lays there.

- Just, like, pull him over here with a stick.

- [chuckles] Pull him.

[both chuckling]

[grunting, whacking]

- Yeah.

Come on.

Put some muscle into it.

- [grunting]

Jesus!

It's like he doesn't even wanna be rescued.

Come on.

[grunting]

- [moaning]

- [sighs] Butt-Head, my arms are tired.

- [sighs] Me, too.

Uh, I think it'd be easier

if we were, like, both on one side.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Set this down.

- Oh!

- There we go.

[chuckles]

- Oh, ow, ah. Ooh.

Ah, ah. - That's better.

[chuckles]

- [grunting]

Um, boys?

Ah.

Oh, ah! Ah!

[grunting]

[screaming]

- Carrying one side together was a good idea.

It's a lot lighter.

[chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Hey, Van Driessen, how much longer-

uh, damn it.

What's wrong with that butthole?

- Yeah, yeah, really. [chuckles]

You had one job, you know?

[chuckles]

- [moans]

Boys, it's late,

so you're going to need to forage for food.

OK?

This book will help identify the safe edible plants.

- Uh, this sucks.

I don't see any food.

[chuckles]

- Whoa!

Check it out.

It looks like a schlong.

[chuckles]

Is this thing, um, edible?

[chuckles]

- Uh, let's see.

[chuckles]

Uh, there it is.

And skulls are cool.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, that must mean it's cool to eat.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

- Uh, here you go.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, it should taste cool.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Now we're going to go look for food

that doesn't look like a schlong.

[chuckles]

Whoo, check it out, Butt-Head!

Let's go back and get Van Driessen.

- Don't be stupid, Beavis.

He said he needed medical attention.

This is a restaurant.

[chuckles]

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[chuckles]

- Oh.

- Uh, we brought you back some of our extra tacos.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, you owe us $12.

[chuckles]

- [sighs]

I don't feel up to eating, boys.

- Uh, is it because you only like food

that looks like a schlong?

[chuckles]

- No, I'm very ill.

I have vomiting and diarrhea.

- Whoa, cool. [chuckles]

- Yeah, Van Driessen kicks ass.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Let's just put the extra tacos in his pockets,

and then he can eat them later.

[chuckles]

- Boys, that might not be a good idea,

because these woods are a habitat for-

[bear roaring]

Ah!

Hey, bear, no.

[screaming]

- Kick-ass.

- Whoa! - Ah!

No!

[screaming] Do something!

Distract him.

- Well, see you later.

[chuckles]

- The bear's probably taking Van Driessen

to go get medical attention, you know?

[chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Van Driessen is, like, friends with nature.

[chuckles]

- Um, so, like, how do we get home?

[chuckles]

- Uh, we can't go home, dumbass.

We gotta find that naked swimming hole.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, naked.

[chuckles]

Almost forgot. [chuckles]

Whoa!

There's that tree again with the butthole.

[chuckles]

- We're back on track.

[chuckling]

[rock music]

[bear growling]

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

? ?

- [groans]

- [groans] Oh, boy.

- Ugh.

- Oh.

My head, like, feels like-

like it sucks or something.

- Ugh.

- What did we do last night?

- Uh, I don't know.

I remember our unemployment checks came.

And then we went to a bar to spend it all on beer.

And then I don't remember anything.

[chuckles]

- Me neither.

- It is a mystery.

[chuckles]

- And I've got this weird pain in my chest.

Did I get stabbed again?

Oh, check it out.

I got a tattoo.

[chuckles]

- Whoa!

Cool.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, what's it say? [chuckles]

- Uh, I think it's, uh-

it's, like, a word.

- Whoa, cool.

But what word?

I'm gonna go to the mirror and try to read it.

[chuckles]

Uh, let's see here.

Let's see.

This one's a toughie.

Suh-

- You can't read, dumbass.

Let me see.

Uh, Sab-Sabmub?

Duh, Sabmud.

Your tattoo says "Sabmud."

- Sabmud?

But what does it mean?

- Uh, I don't know.

[chuckles]

- Sabmud.

Oh.

It probably means "big schlong."

[chuckles]

- Uh, why do you think that?

[chuckles]

- 'Cause my whole life, I've always said

if I ever get a tattoo, it's gonna say "big schlong."

So that must be what it means. Yeah.

See?

[chuckles] Hey, baby.

[chuckles] How's it going?

[chuckles] Check out my Sabmud.

[chuckles] Oh, no, it's down there.

[chuckles]

Yeah, Sabmud.

- Uh, wait a minute.

I wonder if I have a cool tattoo.

Let's have a look.

[chuckles]

- Huh.

Yeah, look under your boobs.

[chuckles]

- Damn it, this sucks.

[chuckles]

- ? She came in like a lightning strike ?

? Rolled out like thunder on the plains ?

- ? Rolled out like thunder on the plain ?

[imitating vocalizing]

- [chuckles] What kind of music is this?

- Uh, this is, like, country and "wuss-tern"...

[chuckles] Or something.

[both chuckling]

- [vocalizing]

- Seeing this video makes me want to just, like,

pave this entire place and put a giant parking lot on it.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, maybe some strip malls.

Or you know what would be really good is, like,

a stadium to cover up those mountains.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Just such a waste of space!

[chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

And also, like, this makes me

want to pull up next to that horse

in a giant SUV with the bass pumped up really loud.

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, where's your open air now, huh?

Yeah.

[imitating bass]

? ?

[chuckles]

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I give your horse asthma?

It must be all the exhaust.

[chuckles]

Let me rev the engine a little more.

[both chuckling]

The outdoors sucks.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, I'm glad mankind kicked its ass.

Yeah. [chuckles]

? ?

- This dude's like, uh, you know what you need, Jesus?

You need my hat on top of your cross.

- Yeah, yeah, that looks better, yeah.

[chuckles]

- You're an honorary cowboy now, Jesus.

[chuckles]

- Now I can't remember.

What kind of hat does Jesus usually wear?

He's got, like, a beret or, like, a-

a headband or something?

[chuckles]

- It's like a crown

made out of barbed wire or something.

[chuckles] - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's pretty metal, yeah.

[chuckles] - That's nothing.

You should hear how he died.

Now that's really metal.

[chuckles] - Oh, wow.

Well, I hope those priests don't find out about it.

They do not like the metal. [chuckles]

- Yep. [chuckles]

Look who's got a new tattoo.

[chuckles] Mr. Sabmud.

[chuckles] Check this out, ladies.

And guess what. [chuckles]

This tattoo doesn't lie.

[chuckles]

Sabmud!

[chuckles]

- This sucks.

Why didn't I get a cool tattoo like that?

I wish I could remember.

[chuckles]

[both laughing]

- What's up, losers?

[chuckles] That's right.

Read it and weep.

[chuckles]

- "Dumbass."

- What? [chuckles]

Don't make me kick your ass.

Come on. [chuckles]

- I was just reading your tattoo.

It says "dumbass."

- No, it doesn't.

It says "Sabmud."

[both laughing]

It says "Sabmud."

Right, Butt-Head?

[chuckles]

- You want me to read it again?

I read it yesterday.

[chuckles]

Uh, wait a second.

It looks different today.

Duh...

dum-bah...

dumbuh...

- That's right, Butt-Head. Keep going.

[both chuckling]

- It says "dumbass," dumbass.

[chuckles]

- It says "dumbass" twice?

- Uh, wait a minute.

Now I remember what happened.

We went to the tattoo place, and you passed out,

and I told them to tattoo "dumbass" on your chest.

[chuckles]

I'm cool.

- Man, why did you do that, Butt-Head?

I feel like a dumbass!

[chuckles]

- That's why I did it.

[chuckles]

- I gotta get this tattoo off, Butt-Head!

How-how do I get it off?

- Don't worry, Beavis.

I know exactly what to do.

[chuckles]

OK, here we go, Beavis.

Now, here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna glue this to your tattoo,

and then I'm gonna rip off your skin.

- Ah, I don't have time for you to explain the whole thing,

Butt-Head- just do it already!

[chuckles]

- OK.

[chuckles]

- Um, is this gonna hurt?

- Uh, yeah.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna rip off your skin.

- Oh, what? Wait, wait.

Why didn't you tell me-

[screams]

- Hold still.

- [screaming] Wait!

Stop it!

- Damn it, Beavis.

You're not even trying. - Ow!

- [grunts] - Ow!

Ow! Ah!

- Damn it, Beavis. [grunts]

- Ah!

- [grunts]

[sighs]

- Butt-Head, the tattoo's still on.

[groaning]

- Uh, is that what we were doing?

I forgot.

[chuckles]

- Damn it.

You gotta take this tattoo off me,

'cause, um, I'm pretty sure it says "dumbass."

- I can't remove it, but I might be able

to tattoo over it, change it into something else.

- Yeah.

Yeah, cool.

Like a-like a skull or like a tank.

Or maybe like a-

like a naked dragon or something.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

[chuckles]

- Just tell me what you want, and I'll start tattooing.

- OK, yeah, yeah.

Kick-ass.

Uh, wait a second.

Um, is it gonna hurt?

- Well, yeah, it does hurt some.

- OK, I'm not gonna make that mistake again.

I'm gonna get real drunk first so it doesn't hurt.

- Good idea.

[chuckling]

[both chuckling]

- [chuckling]

[thud]

Uh, my friend is ready for his tattoo, sir.

[chuckling]

- What's he want it to look like?

- Oh, don't worry.

I'll tell you all about it.

[chuckles]

- [groaning] Oh, God.

What happened last night, Butt-Head?

I don't remember anything.

- I do.

[chuckles]

- Did I get my tattoo changed?

[chuckles]

- Oh, you sure did.

[chuckles]

- Really? Cool.

What is it?

Like, a demon or, like,

a werewolf ripping out someone's guts?

[chuckles]

- Perhaps.

[chuckles]

Take a look.

[chuckles]

- An arrow, huh.

Yeah, OK.

I guess that's sort of cool.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Yeah.

Yeah, I kind of like it.

And there's a second bandage here.

Maybe this is the werewolf, yeah.

[chuckles] Whoa.

A word.

What's it say?

- Uh, it says "Badass."

[chuckles]

- Oh, I see.

My face is badass.

That's cool, yeah.

I'm gonna go show this to everybody.

[chuckles] [door opens]

Thanks, Butt-Head.

Yeah. [chuckles]

It wasn't for you, I'd still look like a dumbass.

[chuckles]

- [chuckles]

Tattoos rule.

[rock music]

? ?

[bluesy rock music]

? ?

[chiming noises]

- Chirp.

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