Original subtitles

Thank you.

You can pick up somehow, huh?

Yeah. Hi, this is Teresa.

I'm here for the interview.

Okay, give me a minute. I'll be right down.

Get yourself cleaned up and... You're

such a prick.

How long are you going to be gone?

I'm not really sure.

You know, I can watch the house for you if you wanted me to.

Yeah, right.

Shake your ass. I got the meeting. Then I got to get to the airport.

What a prick.

I heard that.

Get dressed.

See yourself out.

Teresa. Nice to meet you.

Mr. Thompson.

Nice to meet you.

Good luck, honey.

And by the way, your new boss is a real prick.

Call me.

Yeah, right.

Come on in. She's just mad she didn't get the job.

You've become very highly recommended.

The Andersons couldn't say enough about you.

Gina went on and on how great you were.

Just so you know, The job pays $1 ,000, and I'll be gone about a week.

Does that mean I'm hired?

Yes. You'll be staying in one of the guest rooms.

No one else is allowed on the premises.

No smoking, no drinking.

No pets.

You can have anything in the fridge except for the caviar.

Under no circumstances touch anything in the liquor cabinet or the wine cellar.

Do I make myself clear?

Yes, of course.

I have a car coming for me in about an hour.

I'm going to take a shower, familiarize yourself with the house, and I'll answer

any questions when I return.

Don't even think about it.

Do not touch the artwork.

Never touch the artwork.

I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in the knowledge that any one of these

pieces is worth more than your car.

Do you want to make myself clear?

Yeah, got it.

I've left an emergency number on the fridge.

Do not call me unless it's extremely important.

Don't touch the cars, and don't forget to water the plants.

Got it?

Got it.

Good.

Half now, half when I get home, if everything is as it should be.

Oh, the maid will probably stop by.

Her usual day is Wednesdays, but she has a key and...

You don't have to worry about all that.

Anyway, I'll see you in a week.

Hey, what's happening?

Yeah, I'm... I'm here.

No, he left already.

Yeah, but he's a bit of an asshole.

I mean, he spent 20 minutes just telling me what not to do.

I don't know.

He never told me.

No.

You cannot come over.

That was definitely on the no list. No guests.

Okay, but only for a little while.

1727 Williams Avenue.

It took me like 10 minutes to get here from my place.

Cool?

Good.

See you in a bit. Bye.

What did you do, race all the way over here?

I was just thinking of you, baby.

All alone in this big spooky house.

I just wanted to protect you.

Yeah, you just want to get your dick sucked.

And the only protection that I'm going to need from you is a condom. Which if

you're thinking you're going to get some tonight, you better have in your

pocket.

Check.

Good boy.

It's a nice place.

Don't touch anything.

What is that? One of the...

House rules.

Yep. Number three of 138.

And by not touching, does that include you?

No. You can touch me all you want.

Get over here.

Yeah.

Ugh!

You gotta go.

You must be crazy.

No. I'm glad you couldn't stay over.

But nothing.

Get dressed and get gone.

Fine.

Last thing I need is the owner coming home and finding you passed out drooling

all over his designer couch.

You suck.

For the record,

I don't drool. Yeah, yeah.

Whatever.

Shoot.

Is Mr.

Townsend at home?

No, he's not.

And who might you be?

I'm just watching the house for him while he's gone.

Do you know when he'll be back?

No, I don't.

I hate to impose on you, miss.

You see, the last time I was here, I left something behind, and, well, Mr.

Townsend had said that he would leave it on the step for me, and apparently he's

forgotten. I wonder if I might just have a look around.

Um, no.

I don't think so.

Mr. Townsend left very strict instructions that there were to be no

Well, again, I really hate to impose. If you would just give me a moment.

Hey, don't make me call the cops here.

Look, if you want to leave your name and a number or something, then I'll pass

that along. Otherwise, I can't really help you.

Perhaps another time, then.

Fucking weirdo.

Whoa.

Stop it.

Stop having a point on your channel. That's a bad dialogue.

Mike, and this is Mindy.

You must be the house sitter.

Uh, Teresa.

Ah, nice to meet you, Teresa.

I'm Mike.

Nice to meet you, too.

Is there anything I can do for you guys?

Well, me and Mindy here can help.

We were watching us this morning, and we just wanted to let you know that it's

okay.

Mindy here is a little bit of a show -off here.

I am not!

Yes, you are.

Stop looking at her tits!

I'm sorry, he's a bit of a boob man.

Well, ever since Phil Townsend got that telescope, our sex life has just been

fabulous, doesn't it?

So we just wanted to let you know, if you feel free, come on over and get

with the two of us. She loves a group thing.

Don't you, baby?

She's a little bit of a freak, but she's my freak.

All right, well then, maybe I'll see you guys around sometime.

Julie, hey!

Hi. How you doing?

Where have you been? Look at the time. We gotta go. Don't be a stranger. Bring

your friend over anytime.

And this is what you call work?

You get paid a thousand dollars to lay out here and get a suntan?

That's not all I do.

I have to water the plants.

I have to... Oh, come on. I'm just gonna come here and rub oil on my back.

So how's Dummy doing anyway?

It's Danny.

I hate it when you say that.

Yeah, whatever.

He's fine.

I'm going to get a new boyfriend, you know.

I have no idea what you're talking about. He might be good looking, but he

doesn't treat you good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God.

Did anybody tell you how good you are at doing that?

Oh, yeah. Am I?

So good.

Townsend residence.

I thought you said no visitors.

What?

Who is this?

This is Kevin. I'm the guy who wanted to pick up his belongings. It would be

long gone by now. You had to give me your no visitors bullshit.

Looks like a fucking parade over there.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, no?

Well, I saw you chatting that up with the neighbors.

And who's that with you now? The fucking pool boy?

Look,

I'm not trying to cause any problems here.

I'm just a house sitter.

I don't know anything about any stuff.

I'm just trying to make a couple of bucks, but I can't let you just come in

take shit.

Let me call him and see if it's okay.

That sounds great.

But he's going to hang up on you and jump on the first plane back here.

That's where it's going to get real ugly. And you're going to be right in

middle of it.

What do you do us all a favor?

Go to the beach.

Go to the mall. Go fucking wherever.

Just disappear for an hour.

I'll take care of the rest.

I... I don't know.

An hour.

Then this will be all over.

and be there so you won't be blamed.

I'll tell you what.

I'll even leave a couple of hundred on the fridge.

Buy yourself something nice at the mall.

On me.

And I never hear from you again?

Not another word.

You brought yourself an hour.

What is going on? Come on.

We're going shopping.

Thanks for the ride. Sure.

Are you sure you're going to be okay?

I feel horrible leaving here all alone.

No, it's fine. I'm sure he's long gone by now.

You sure?

Yeah, it's okay.

I'll call you later. Okay, then. Go, go, go.

Podría usar la mano o algo así.

Bueno, supongo que sí.

¿Por qué cierras los ojos cada vez que, tú sabes, hacemos el amor?

¿Cuándo hacemos el amor cierras los ojos?

No, cariño.

Es como cuando me como un pastel.

Cierro los ojos para saborearlo bien y disfrutarlo.

No fantaseo con un pedazo de pastel.

Bueno, sabes que estudié drama en secundaria.

Get a grip.

No me más.

I do smell.

Isn't it obvious? I'm trying to get some.

No, I mean, what are you doing here in this house?

I'm the maid. I'm supposed to be here. I come every Wednesday for the last two

years. Today's Wednesday.

I'm here.

Okay, then what's he doing here? And why is he naked? And why are you naked? And

what does any of this have to do with cleaning this house? Tantas preguntas.

Listen, puta.

You clean.

your house your way, and I clean mine, okay?

Tantas preguntas, who are you?

I'm a house sitter.

House sitter?

Go sit the house.

Carajo, puñeta, tengo cosas que hacer.

Muchas cosas que tienes to do, go.

Pendeja, coño.

Hola, Joaquín.

¿Cómo estás, papito?

Do you like this little step?

Love my mask.

Nico.

He's

get out of that country.

How gullible am I?

Did you really think he was going to leave you the money?

Bye,

Raul.

You know, we're not supposed to have visitors here.

Those are yours to be ruled, not mine.

And whatever the boss does not see, it won't hurt him.

By the way, you didn't happen to accidentally take any money off the

refrigerator, did you?

What, puta?

Accidentally take money? Either you take the money or you don't. Not once have I

ever seen money accidentally fall into someone's pocket.

I'll take that as a no, then.

At first, it was weird.

It scared the shit out of me.

But then once I figured out what was going on, it was just weird.

Here, look. They're at it again. Come here and take a look.

Oh, wow.

Look at them go.

Are they not even watching them?

Yeah, it's like they're putting on a show for the whole neighborhood.

Good neighborhood.

Oh, wow.

What's it they're doing now?

Let me see. Yeah, let me see.

Whoa.

I don't know.

You know.

They invited you over, too.

Why don't you go pop in and ask them?

Maybe they can teach you a thing or two.

I'll teach you a thing or two.

Uh -uh -uh.

Don't worry, I won't tell Dummy.

We'll keep it our little secret.

It's too late.

I already told him I fuck you all the time.

Drives him crazy.

He keeps begging me to let him watch.

Fat chance. Like I need him sneaking up behind me and drooling all over me.

Speaking of sneaking up from behind and drooling. Oh, shut up and watch the

program.

Speaking of program.

Yeah.

Oh no.

oh yeah right there

I'm going to have to do it again really soon.

Tell Demi I said hi.

I mean, Demi.

Yeah, I'll tell him he said yeah to this recent thing.

Speak of the devil.

Hey, you. What's happening?

Well, hey to you, too.

That was quite some show.

Neighbors have nothing on you, too.

How did you get my cell phone number?

That's really not important.

What is?

Why are you doing this? I thought I wasn't going to hear from you again.

Yeah, well, unfortunately that didn't work out so well.

The maid and her little boy toy fucked up that plan.

So we're going to reschedule.

Look, we had a deal.

I leave, you do your thing, and you leave me alone.

We have a deal. No rain checks.

And where's the money you promised me? I still want my money.

Don't worry. You'll get your money.

Good. And as soon as I do, you can come and get your stuff. But it's going to

cost you another $200.

You little... Hey, I'm risking a lot here.

And it's not my fault you didn't get it done right the first time.

Now you listen to me, you little bitch.

I'm tired of fucking around with you.

You're going to shut your mouth, and you're going to do exactly what I tell

to do.

Or you're going to have a serious problem.

Do you get me?

Hang up on me again.

I dare you.

I'm sorry. It was an accident.

Well, we don't want any more accidents, do we?

No.

That's right.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to come over there, and I'm going to get what I need.

And then I'm going to be on my way.

Okay?

Yeah.

I'll be right there.

Mr. Townsend, it's Teresa, your house sitter. I was wondering if you could

me a call.

A man named Cline came by... Anyway,

if you could call me back, that would be great.

All right, gang.

This way to the pate.

Uh -uh.

Danny, what are you doing? You can't bring all these people in the house.

It's just a little get -together.

These people are all harmless.

Well, except for that one. We've got to watch that guy. No, no, no. This is not

a good time right now.

Babe, Mr. Moneybag here isn't going to miss a couple bottles of booze.

But he doesn't know it's not going to hurt him, right?

Famous last words.

No.

You've got to go.

They've got to go.

Nobody's got to go.

Stop it.

Okay. Danny,

stop.

What are you doing?

Come on, let's go in there.

I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to do that.

What?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh.

Are you going to answer that?

busy little bit, aren't you?

I thought we had an agreement.

It's not my fault.

They just showed up.

And now it's time for them to leave.

Unless you'd like me to come over and say hi.

No, no, no.

I'll get rid of them.

Good.

Oh, and I have a little incentive for you, too.

Go to your telescope.

They're an interesting pair, aren't they?

I told them that you'd be over momentarily and we'd all have some fun.

so excited.

They couldn't wait.

They started without you.

Anyway, it turns out they like to role play.

Mike here.

He's one twisted puppy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Turns out he's had this fantasy of being tied up by a home invader made to watch

while his wife gets thought of modest.

He'd be the nice guy that I am.

I told him I'd help him out.

And Mindy.

Mindy.

Well, she's just a little fucking slut.

Plain and simple.

I'm gonna fuck her for a little while.

Give you a chance to get rid of your friends.

And then I'll be over for what I need.

Why are you doing this?

Why?

I just wanted to let you know that this was it.

The grand finale.

No more bullshit.

that I came here for, people are gonna die.

Mike, Mindy, your freaky little friends, and then finally you.

Oh, and don't get any bright ideas about calling the cops. Do I make myself

clear?

Yes.

What? I can't hear you.

I said yes!

Excellent.

So I'm going to have my way with a little slot here while their sick buck

husband watches.

And then I'll be over to get what I need.

Don't disappoint me.

What? Oh, yeah.

And Mike says, please hurry.

The fun's starting.

Get your wife stuck in my cock.

Is he getting off on this?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, he is, isn't he?

You guys do this a lot?

Yeah.

Fuck, pull it out of there.

Fuck. Yeah.

Yeah.

Never mind.

Fucking time.

Get drenched out there.

Why didn't you use the front door?

I was banging on it for ten fucking minutes. Then I decided to come around

I thought we had another problem.

I'm sorry.

The intercom, I didn't hear it. It must be busted.

Whatever.

Come on, go sit down while I look around.

Now you sit right there and you don't say a fucking word.

Okay, guys?

And Mike and Mindy send their love.

They say you are all mine.

Don't worry about it. You can afford it.

You know, if you tell me what you're looking for, I might be able to help you

find it.

You'll be fine as long as you don't do anything stupid.

But if you must know, I'm looking for diamonds.

Lots of diamonds.

I haven't seen any.

That's because they're hidden in one of these pieces of crap.

The courier stashed them.

Right before he got caught.

We traced him back to an auction house.

Near Mr. Townsend was the highest bidder.

That's why I'm here.

The dumbass doesn't even know what he has.

But what he doesn't know won't

hurt him.

As long as you can keep a secret.

911, state your emergency.

Is anyone there?

911, please state your emergency.

What is going on here?

Excuse me, sir. You need to stop. This is my house.

He's all right.

What's going on here, Teresa? I demand an explanation.

You wouldn't even believe me if I told you.

Sir, this young lady just single -handedly foiled a home invasion

need to be thankful.

And if you ever need a house sitter, don't call me.

Sorry about that.

You're responsible for this damage. You're going to pay for this.

Yeah, I kind of figured you'd say that.

Here.

Why don't you take it out of this?

We need that for evidence.

Thank you.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him.