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00:00:04,824 --> 00:00:05,892
[newsman]
Good evening, New Yorkers,
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00:00:05,925 --> 00:00:08,360
and welcome to
Channel 8 News, Live at 7:00.
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00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:10,763
-I'm Ted Spinelli.
-And I'm Lisa Lipton.
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00:00:10,796 --> 00:00:13,131
A big day in news
across the city,
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00:00:13,164 --> 00:00:14,734
but we begin in Staten Island,
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where a water main break in theWest New Brighton neighborhood
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left the streets lookingmore like rivers.
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Joanna Roscoe is live
from Staten Island now.
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That's right, Lisa.
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This was the scenejust hours ago
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on what is usually considereda quiet residential street.
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Now, as you can see behind me,
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city workers havemanaged to stop
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00:00:34,286 --> 00:00:35,688
the street-level flooding,
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but underground floodingstill remains a concern.
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00:00:38,691 --> 00:00:40,425
Oh, boy. That means
a messy commute home
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00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,460
for a few Staten Islanders,
right, Joanna?
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00:00:42,494 --> 00:00:43,663
Yeah, it sure does.
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00:00:43,696 --> 00:00:45,397
Now I am here with
a local resident
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00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:47,733
who has been watching
the situation closely.
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His name is Nandor...
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Nandor the Relentless.
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Nandor De Laurentis.
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00:00:53,171 --> 00:00:55,641
Now, Nandor, you live in
this neighborhood, correct?
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00:00:55,675 --> 00:00:57,610
Yes, that's right, Joanna, I do.
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In that house just over there.
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With my friends. It's fun.
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Great.
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00:01:03,315 --> 00:01:05,818
And as I understand,you were on the street
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when the water main broke.Can you tell us about that?
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[Nandor]
Yes, I can, Joanna.
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I was going
for my evening stroll,
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which I do for my mental health
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as well as for
my physical health,
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and then,
all of a sudden, crash!
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Burst!
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Water, it shoots
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into the air, and then, like,
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all over the street.
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[Joanna] Now, Nandor,have you seen an incident
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in this area like this before?
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Not since the great
flood in 1892, Joanna.
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That was a big boy.
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[chuckles] 1892.
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Oh, silly me. Not... not 1892.
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-[laughs]
-1992.
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Yeah, I was gonna say, uh, 1892?
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Give me this guy's
skin care secrets.
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00:01:47,292 --> 00:01:50,228
Because 1892 was
a year that was not
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in my, uh, human lifespan,
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00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:55,333
but 1992 most definitely was.
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It's 2023 now...
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-Right.
-...and it was 1992 then.
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And I have been living
in Staten Island
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00:02:01,473 --> 00:02:02,842
for many centuries.
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00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:04,342
Many centuries.
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00:02:04,376 --> 00:02:07,412
Well, it looks like
we have discovered
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00:02:07,445 --> 00:02:10,248
the secret to eternal life.
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-Now, I do have a...
-[whimpers, mutters]
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00:02:12,785 --> 00:02:15,821
Well, Ted and Lisa,
I will be here,
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00:02:15,855 --> 00:02:18,323
on the ground,
monitoring the situation
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00:02:18,356 --> 00:02:20,358
as it develops. Back to you.
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00:02:20,392 --> 00:02:23,529
Oh, shitty shit. I fucked it.
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00:02:23,562 --> 00:02:25,665
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
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♪ Don't sing if you wantto live long ♪
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♪ They have no usefor your song ♪
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♪ You're dead, you're dead,you're dead ♪
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♪ You're deadand out of this world ♪
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♪ Now your hope and compassionis gone ♪
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♪ You sold out your dreamto the world ♪
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♪ Stay dead, stay dead,stay dead ♪
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♪ You're deadand out of this world. ♪
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♪
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[Nandor] Shit, shit,shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
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-[Laszlo] From the diaphragm.
-[Doll Nadja vocalizing]
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[Nandor]
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
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Guillermo!
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Gizmo is not here.
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Colin Robinson,
turn on the television.
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Channel 8.
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Your arms broken?
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-Please!
-[groans]
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All right.
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[man]
This is go...
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[Joanna]
But there is some worry that...
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-Huh.
-[Nandor groans]
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That's our street. Huh.
Well, that's neat.
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That is not neat.
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I may have committed
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an unforgivable
and irreversible blunder.
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Okay, Nandor, don't get
your knickers in a twist.
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00:03:28,661 --> 00:03:30,863
I-I accidentally told
this Joanna Roscoe
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that we have lived in this
street for many centuries.
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-[gasps]
-You did what?
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And now she and
all of the viewers
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of Channel 8 News Live at 7:00
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know that we are vampires.
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-[shouting]
-And now--
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And now all of the humans
are going to
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00:03:45,611 --> 00:03:46,812
drive us out of Staten Island
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00:03:46,846 --> 00:03:48,346
like they drove us
out of the Old Country.
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[Laszlo]
Alea iacta est.
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00:03:50,649 --> 00:03:52,450
-Game over.
-[plays piano sting]
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No, no!
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This time, we fight!
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This is our last stand!
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-Who's with me?
-Me!
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Silence!
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I have a plan.
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I think we should
kill Joanna Roscoe.
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00:04:09,568 --> 00:04:12,071
And what would that solve?
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00:04:12,104 --> 00:04:14,006
Do you have any better ideas?
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Where is Guillermo?!
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[dings]
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So, yeah, tonight's kind of
a farewell,
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goodbye dinner
for me and my mom.
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She doesn't know
that it's a goodbye,
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but when I become
a full vampire,
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it won't be safe for my family,
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or for me because
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they are vampire killers,
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and I'll be a vampire.
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[sighs] It's kind of heavy,
actually,
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if you think about it.
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No one imagines
they'll have to say
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00:04:39,064 --> 00:04:40,966
a final goodbye
to their mom, but...
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here we are.
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-Mami.
-[speaking Spanish]
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Oh. Oh, everyone's here.
I thought it was just going
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-to be you and me.
-Hi.
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Oh, Tía. Wow, you're also here.
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[speaking Spanish]
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You hungry? You hungry?
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Hey, Memo.
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00:04:57,950 --> 00:04:59,552
These guys are stilldoing that documentary
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00:04:59,585 --> 00:05:01,120
on losers who work
at the railroad, huh?
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00:05:01,153 --> 00:05:02,487
-All right.
-Ah, I'm just playing.
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00:05:02,521 --> 00:05:03,689
-Okay.
-Hey, we're putting my tía's
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00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,658
-gifts right there.
-Hmm?
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The gifts.
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Wait, you didn't bring a gift
for your own mama's birthday?
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[Guillermo]
So, funny thing.
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In the middle of, uh,
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making it a big day about me,
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I totally forgot that
it's a big day for her.
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It's her birthday,
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but birthday or no,I need to do this.
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Mami, Mami.
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[speaks Spanish]
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Can I talk to you
in private, please?
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00:05:28,747 --> 00:05:31,584
[speaks Spanish]
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[Joanna]
...local resident Nandor,who has some insights.
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[Guillermo speaking Spanish]
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[exclaims in Spanish]
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[Joanna]
...part of a pattern oflocal infrastructure failures?
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Yes, Joanna. If I may...
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To the millionsand millions of viewers
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of Channel 8 News Live at 7:00,
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you will forget...
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[Ted]
Apologies to Joannaand Mr. De Laurentis,
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but we have some breaking news.
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The National Weather Service
has announced
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00:06:03,716 --> 00:06:06,051
a severe thunderstorm
warning for the city.
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00:06:06,085 --> 00:06:08,419
We now go to meteorologistHeather Dupont...
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[shouting in Spanish]
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[speaking Spanish]
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[whispers] I leave the house
for one fucking minute...
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[Miguel]
Memo!
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00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:20,699
[speaking Spanish]
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[Guillermo sings in Spanish]
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[group laughing]
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[speaking Spanish]
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It's not a big deal,
as long as they just...
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answer the fucking phone.
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00:06:32,711 --> 00:06:33,979
-[phone ringing]
-[Laszlo] Fucking hell.
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-[shouting]
-Damn!
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-Look out, look out!
-[Nadja whimpering]
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00:06:37,616 --> 00:06:39,818
-[Laszlo] Oh, fuck this. Ah!
-[ringing]
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00:06:39,852 --> 00:06:41,620
-Should I answer that?
-[Laszlo] Announcement.
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After methodical analysis,
I have decided
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00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:45,891
that it is not a good idea
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to kill Joanna Roscoe.
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00:06:48,027 --> 00:06:49,595
No shit, you human fart.
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00:06:49,628 --> 00:06:51,462
Now, help me
booby-trap the staircase.
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00:06:51,496 --> 00:06:52,898
Maybe I should just
take it off the hook?
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00:06:52,932 --> 00:06:53,832
[Guillermo]
Hello?
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00:06:53,866 --> 00:06:55,534
[line beeping]
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Colin Robinson, now is
not the time for decorating.
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Get your fucking go-bag.
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00:06:59,104 --> 00:07:00,739
Vampires must always
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00:07:00,773 --> 00:07:02,473
be prepared to skip out of town
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at a moment's notice.
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00:07:03,642 --> 00:07:06,178
I have been chased outof five, maybe six
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00:07:06,211 --> 00:07:07,947
villages over the courseof my vampiric life,
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00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:09,915
and believe me,you don't want to be
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00:07:09,949 --> 00:07:12,685
caught out there fleeing withonly the clothes on your back,
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00:07:12,718 --> 00:07:14,853
sleeping at the bottomof a cold well,
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00:07:14,887 --> 00:07:16,487
sucking on the throatsof the mountain goats
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00:07:16,522 --> 00:07:17,389
you once called your brothers.
200
00:07:17,423 --> 00:07:20,125
No. So, what was
the first thing I did
201
00:07:20,159 --> 00:07:21,527
when I moved to Staten Island?
202
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,928
I made the go-bags.
203
00:07:22,962 --> 00:07:25,631
[Laszlo]
I have decided on
a multi-part plan.
204
00:07:25,664 --> 00:07:26,732
The first part of which:
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00:07:26,765 --> 00:07:29,134
Kidnap Joanna Roscoe.
206
00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,536
And how is that going to help?
207
00:07:30,569 --> 00:07:31,503
Takes us to step two.
208
00:07:31,537 --> 00:07:33,772
-[bees buzzing]
-[Nadja groans] Everybody,
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00:07:33,806 --> 00:07:35,674
in your go-bags you will find
210
00:07:35,708 --> 00:07:37,643
your emergency
fleeing checklist.
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00:07:37,676 --> 00:07:38,677
Okay.
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00:07:38,711 --> 00:07:40,179
"Ancestral soils."
213
00:07:40,212 --> 00:07:41,213
Check.
214
00:07:41,246 --> 00:07:43,649
"Three days' supply of blood."
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00:07:43,682 --> 00:07:44,950
Eh... Oof.
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00:07:44,984 --> 00:07:47,052
A little bit rank, but check.
217
00:07:47,086 --> 00:07:49,755
"Memorize new identity."
[clears throat]
218
00:07:49,788 --> 00:07:51,090
[American accent]
"Oh, hello.
219
00:07:51,123 --> 00:07:52,758
"My name is Sally Rhubarb.
220
00:07:52,791 --> 00:07:55,694
"I am a blonde girl
from a large farm,
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00:07:55,728 --> 00:08:00,132
and my blackberry pie wins
every year at the county fair."
222
00:08:00,165 --> 00:08:01,133
-Don't sit there.
-Why not?
223
00:08:01,166 --> 00:08:02,534
Because.
224
00:08:03,902 --> 00:08:06,305
-[gasps]
-The whole ground floor
is booby-trapped
225
00:08:06,338 --> 00:08:07,473
for our final stand.
226
00:08:07,506 --> 00:08:09,575
Oh, yes, because the attackers
first thing they will do
227
00:08:09,608 --> 00:08:11,043
is come down and
take a nice rest.
228
00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:13,145
I think you're all
wasting valuable time.
229
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,247
-Thank you.
-What you need to do
230
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:16,882
is get a kidnapping sack.
231
00:08:16,915 --> 00:08:18,250
No, you need to get your go-bag.
232
00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:20,019
And you need to trust the plan.
233
00:08:20,052 --> 00:08:22,154
-Get your go-bag.
-Trust the plan.
234
00:08:22,187 --> 00:08:24,690
-Get your go-bag.
-Trust...
235
00:08:24,723 --> 00:08:26,992
Hey, you two may want
to have your argument
236
00:08:27,026 --> 00:08:29,028
away from the
chandelier fall zone.
237
00:08:29,061 --> 00:08:30,763
-Also, mind the trip wire.
-[Laszlo] Fucking hell.
238
00:08:30,796 --> 00:08:32,331
[pounding on door]
239
00:08:32,364 --> 00:08:34,299
-Places, places!
-It's all right.
It's all right, my darling.
240
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:35,734
-I'll protect you.
-[pounding]
241
00:08:35,768 --> 00:08:37,903
-This is it.
This is our final stand.
-Be calm.
242
00:08:37,936 --> 00:08:40,873
Would you stop fucking
saying that, Colin Robinson?
243
00:08:40,906 --> 00:08:42,174
[Laszlo]
Step back, my darling.
244
00:08:42,207 --> 00:08:44,176
-[door crashes]
-Friends, fear not.
245
00:08:45,077 --> 00:08:47,346
I went back to
Channel 8 News Live at 7:00
246
00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:49,181
and hypnotized
the audience, so...
247
00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:50,783
We saw.
248
00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:53,285
And no, you did not
hypnotize anyone, Nandor.
249
00:08:53,318 --> 00:08:54,420
Those television humans
250
00:08:54,453 --> 00:08:55,921
interrupted your blather
with a warning of a storm.
251
00:08:55,954 --> 00:08:58,657
This is all Guillermo's fault!
252
00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:01,060
-He's not back yet, is he?
-[Laszlo] No.
253
00:09:01,093 --> 00:09:03,729
Also, why is your
hair yellow, Nadja?
254
00:09:03,762 --> 00:09:04,863
-I am not Nadja.
-Oh.
255
00:09:04,897 --> 00:09:05,931
I am Sally Rhubarb.
256
00:09:05,964 --> 00:09:07,666
There is only
one way out of this:
257
00:09:07,699 --> 00:09:10,302
We must kill Joanna Roscoe.
258
00:09:10,335 --> 00:09:12,838
[Laszlo]
Which were my thoughts exactly,
259
00:09:12,871 --> 00:09:14,239
but if you follow "Arrow F,"
260
00:09:14,273 --> 00:09:16,341
you'll find a far more
sophisticated plan.
261
00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:18,610
"Kidnap Joanna Roscoe"?
262
00:09:18,644 --> 00:09:20,112
Which is step one of the plan.
263
00:09:20,145 --> 00:09:22,614
-And then what?
-Step two.
264
00:09:23,782 --> 00:09:26,752
Welcome back to
Channel 8 News, Live at 7:00.
265
00:09:26,785 --> 00:09:29,221
We'll check in withJoanna Roscoe, but first...
266
00:09:29,254 --> 00:09:31,123
[Miguel]
And then I saw that diesel
was as cheap as gas.
267
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,691
So I took it back to
the rent-a-car spot
268
00:09:32,724 --> 00:09:33,959
and say, "Hey, homie,
how am I supposed to know
269
00:09:33,992 --> 00:09:35,828
-Corollas don't take diesel?"
-[line beeping]
270
00:09:35,861 --> 00:09:37,696
Guillermo?
271
00:09:37,729 --> 00:09:39,264
-Are you okay?
-[Miguel] You know what?
272
00:09:39,298 --> 00:09:40,899
He doesn't listen, all right?
Don't even bother.
273
00:09:40,933 --> 00:09:43,635
-I'm listening.
-[speaks Spanish]
274
00:09:43,669 --> 00:09:44,636
That's what it is. The screens.
275
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,071
You need to cut
that shit off, cold turkey.
276
00:09:46,105 --> 00:09:48,240
Just like I did with
the Sierra Mist, huh, Ma?
277
00:09:48,273 --> 00:09:51,009
Guillermo, you're working
too much. It's not healthy.
278
00:09:51,043 --> 00:09:52,211
[Miguel]
You need to be
healthy like I am.
279
00:09:52,244 --> 00:09:53,378
No Sierra Mist,
280
00:09:53,412 --> 00:09:54,713
no whack bosses.
I told my last boss,
281
00:09:54,746 --> 00:09:57,116
"Hey, jefe, you want to try
to ruin my life like that?
282
00:09:57,149 --> 00:09:58,984
Boom. Toma."
283
00:09:59,017 --> 00:10:00,185
[speaks Spanish]
284
00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:01,253
But, you know,
you're probably too scared
285
00:10:01,286 --> 00:10:02,988
-to do that.
-I'm not scared, Miguel.
286
00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:05,858
I'm not scared.
I recently made a big move.
287
00:10:05,891 --> 00:10:09,661
My old boss kept
promising me a promotion,
288
00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:10,796
and I got tired of waiting.
289
00:10:10,829 --> 00:10:12,197
-[woman] Wow.
-[cheering]
290
00:10:12,231 --> 00:10:13,799
Yeah, yeah.
291
00:10:13,832 --> 00:10:14,933
So I'm here.
292
00:10:14,967 --> 00:10:16,935
[woman speaking Spanish]
293
00:10:16,969 --> 00:10:18,103
-Are you here, though?
-Yeah, I'm here.
294
00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:19,071
Why are you still
all on your phone, then?
295
00:10:19,104 --> 00:10:21,206
Because, it's the transition.
I haven't...
296
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,041
officially left
the old railroad,
297
00:10:23,075 --> 00:10:25,944
and, uh, haven't
officially started
298
00:10:25,978 --> 00:10:27,746
-the new one.
-How many railroads
even are there?
299
00:10:27,779 --> 00:10:30,716
Let's just eat, huh?
Why don't we all just eat?
300
00:10:30,749 --> 00:10:34,253
[Guide]
I do not have a namein the traditional sense.
301
00:10:34,286 --> 00:10:36,221
[Joanna]
And you said that youwork for the city...
302
00:10:36,255 --> 00:10:39,892
[speaking Spanish]
303
00:10:39,925 --> 00:10:41,260
Right, Joanna Roscoe.
304
00:10:41,293 --> 00:10:42,861
There will be damage.
305
00:10:42,895 --> 00:10:45,063
Bloodshed, too.
306
00:10:45,097 --> 00:10:47,966
This is why I propose a truce.
307
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,869
Because we are not sodifferent, you and us.
308
00:10:50,903 --> 00:10:53,372
We all want peace.
309
00:10:53,405 --> 00:10:55,040
-[Sean] Yello?
-Hey, Sean,
310
00:10:55,073 --> 00:10:56,475
this is Guillermo
from next door.
311
00:10:56,509 --> 00:10:59,978
Yo, Guillermo. How's it goin'?
What can I do for you?
312
00:11:00,012 --> 00:11:01,947
Yeah, I was wonderingif you could do me a favor.
313
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:04,149
If you can go next door
and tell the vam...
314
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:07,085
Uh, Laszlo and Nadja
and everyone at the house
315
00:11:07,119 --> 00:11:08,487
if they could just,
can they stay
316
00:11:08,521 --> 00:11:10,155
inside the house
and just stay put
317
00:11:10,189 --> 00:11:12,057
until I get there? Could you
do that for me, please?
318
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:13,458
[Sean]
That's gonna be a little tricky.
319
00:11:13,492 --> 00:11:15,961
There's been a water main breakon our street,
320
00:11:15,994 --> 00:11:18,830
[shouting]
and these TV fuckersparked their van
321
00:11:18,864 --> 00:11:21,033
-right on the front lawn...-And someone else is here.
322
00:11:21,066 --> 00:11:22,502
-...which I justresodded last year.
-Sean? What are you doing?
323
00:11:22,535 --> 00:11:24,504
The territory of Staten Island
324
00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:28,473
can, nay, must be sharedbetween our people...
325
00:11:28,508 --> 00:11:31,109
Looks like there's a lot of
excitement over there.
326
00:11:31,143 --> 00:11:32,844
Speaking of excitement,
327
00:11:32,878 --> 00:11:35,881
you'll never guess what this
Bronx seventh grader is doing
328
00:11:35,914 --> 00:11:38,116
to raise money
for the rainforest.
329
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:40,252
[woman speaking Spanish]
330
00:11:40,285 --> 00:11:42,120
[Laszlo]
A nine-step plan!
331
00:11:42,154 --> 00:11:44,790
-Make sure it's bloody
straight, you idiot.
-Yes.
332
00:11:44,823 --> 00:11:47,192
Reason and diplomacy
did not work,
333
00:11:47,226 --> 00:11:48,360
as you all saw.
334
00:11:48,393 --> 00:11:51,296
So let us do it. Let us flee.
335
00:11:52,965 --> 00:11:54,800
-Us?
-Yes.
336
00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:56,268
And if they won't go,
337
00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:58,837
then it will be just you
and I, into the night.
338
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:01,773
Um, okay. C-Cool.
339
00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:03,842
I shall go prepare my disguise.
340
00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:07,879
-[line beeping]
-[laughter, chatter]
341
00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:10,015
So, bad news.
342
00:12:10,048 --> 00:12:12,552
There's been an emergency
with, uh, a train.
343
00:12:12,585 --> 00:12:14,186
So I'm gonna have to head out.
344
00:12:14,219 --> 00:12:16,021
[speaks Spanish]
I called it, didn't I?
345
00:12:16,054 --> 00:12:18,357
Mami? Mami, can we just
have that talk really quick,
346
00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:20,058
-the one I was
telling you about?
-[speaks Spanish]
347
00:12:20,092 --> 00:12:21,426
Gracias. Por favor.
348
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:22,928
[Laszlo]
Hello?
349
00:12:22,961 --> 00:12:25,163
-Laszlo? Laszlo.
-Who is this?
350
00:12:25,197 --> 00:12:26,431
Sorry, Mom. Por favor.
351
00:12:26,465 --> 00:12:27,432
What do you mean,
"who is it"? It's Guillermo.
352
00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:29,134
Oh, Gizmo. What do you want?
353
00:12:29,167 --> 00:12:30,302
What the hell'sgoing on over there?
354
00:12:30,335 --> 00:12:31,903
[Laszlo]
Can't talk right now.
355
00:12:31,937 --> 00:12:32,739
To cut a shit story short,
356
00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:34,306
-we've been found out.
-Huh?
357
00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:36,041
The whole world knows
358
00:12:36,074 --> 00:12:38,443
that vampires are real
and that we are they.
359
00:12:38,477 --> 00:12:39,911
Okay, Laszlo,
just do me a favor.
360
00:12:39,945 --> 00:12:41,079
Just stay put, okay?
I'll be over soon.
361
00:12:41,113 --> 00:12:42,447
Don't you tell me what to do.
362
00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:44,016
-[Nandor] Laszlo?
-I have con...
363
00:12:44,049 --> 00:12:45,250
[Guillermo]
Laszlo?
364
00:12:45,284 --> 00:12:47,319
-That's too small, you prick.
-Who's there with you?
365
00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:49,021
-You think?
-Just stay put, okay?
366
00:12:49,054 --> 00:12:51,524
We have to get Joanna Roscoe's
entire body in there.
367
00:12:51,557 --> 00:12:53,593
-No. What are you...
-[Laszlo] We need to geta grown woman in there.
368
00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:55,027
What are you...
What are you doing?
369
00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:56,295
I think this bag is big enough.
370
00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:58,263
-All right, well, get in it.
-Laszlo?
371
00:12:58,297 --> 00:12:59,865
-Okay.
-What's going on? Laszlo?
372
00:12:59,898 --> 00:13:01,967
-Oy vey. Too small.
-Too fucking small.
373
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,269
-If we are tokidnap Joanna Roscoe,
-No!
374
00:13:04,303 --> 00:13:06,204
-we need a sack large enough
for her entire body.
-Beep, beep.
375
00:13:06,238 --> 00:13:09,274
Now, don't phone here again.
We are incredibly busy.
376
00:13:09,308 --> 00:13:10,475
-Do not kidnap...
-We don't need to be distracted.
377
00:13:10,510 --> 00:13:12,844
Gizmo? Huh.
378
00:13:12,878 --> 00:13:15,847
Blasted boy, hung up on me.
379
00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:17,215
Fucking hell, Nandor.
Get a bigger sack.
380
00:13:17,249 --> 00:13:19,117
Laszlo?
381
00:13:20,252 --> 00:13:23,121
-I found one!
-No, Nandor.
382
00:13:23,155 --> 00:13:24,389
This is a very big bag.
383
00:13:24,423 --> 00:13:26,491
I tried it already. I fit.
384
00:13:26,526 --> 00:13:27,893
It's translucent.
385
00:13:27,926 --> 00:13:29,294
We could add a blindfold?
386
00:13:29,328 --> 00:13:30,329
Yes, but it would add time.
387
00:13:30,362 --> 00:13:31,463
Is anybody listening to me?
388
00:13:31,496 --> 00:13:34,866
You need to get your go-bags!
389
00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:37,969
-Mami?
-Mm-hmm?
390
00:14:27,018 --> 00:14:28,053
No.
391
00:14:30,088 --> 00:14:31,390
No...
392
00:14:39,364 --> 00:14:41,567
[sizzling]
393
00:14:46,405 --> 00:14:50,008
[speaking Spanish]
394
00:14:51,644 --> 00:14:53,145
[sizzling]
395
00:15:03,589 --> 00:15:04,690
[elevator dings]
396
00:15:11,163 --> 00:15:12,330
[sniffling]
397
00:15:16,536 --> 00:15:18,136
[elevator dings]
398
00:15:21,541 --> 00:15:23,341
How's it going?
399
00:15:25,711 --> 00:15:29,214
It was like this
when I got here.
400
00:15:29,247 --> 00:15:32,685
[Nadja]
So, this is it, then?
This is really goodbye,
401
00:15:32,718 --> 00:15:34,554
my agápi mou.
402
00:15:34,587 --> 00:15:36,988
I'm afraid so, my mátia mou.
403
00:15:37,022 --> 00:15:38,558
I must see my plan through.
404
00:15:38,591 --> 00:15:40,593
It has many steps.
405
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:42,027
-[Guide] Ready!
-Oh!
406
00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:43,395
Oh.
407
00:15:43,428 --> 00:15:44,496
So, when the villagers
who are chasing us
408
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,331
say they are looking for
a blonde and a brunette...
409
00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:50,001
Well, I guess I didn't
really think it through.
410
00:15:50,035 --> 00:15:52,137
Housemates.
411
00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:53,238
Friends.
412
00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:54,339
The Guide.
413
00:15:54,372 --> 00:15:56,174
A great enemy is upon us.
414
00:15:57,275 --> 00:16:01,279
Joanna Roscoe and her army
of Channel 8 viewers.
415
00:16:01,313 --> 00:16:03,014
This is not
the first foe we have met,
416
00:16:03,048 --> 00:16:04,784
nor will it be the last.
417
00:16:04,817 --> 00:16:07,085
They may outnumber us,
418
00:16:07,118 --> 00:16:10,088
they may have a satellite truck
419
00:16:10,121 --> 00:16:13,391
and a Sky High chopper,
whatever the fuck,
420
00:16:13,425 --> 00:16:15,126
but what do we have?
421
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,429
-Kidnapping sack.
-Go-bags!
-The skull of Orson Welles.
422
00:16:17,462 --> 00:16:18,531
Each other.
423
00:16:18,564 --> 00:16:19,565
-Oh.
-Oh.
424
00:16:19,599 --> 00:16:22,100
Look at us, running around,
this way and that,
425
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,135
focusing on our own plans.
426
00:16:24,169 --> 00:16:25,705
We all have
a part to play in this,
427
00:16:25,738 --> 00:16:27,405
and play it we must,
428
00:16:27,439 --> 00:16:29,642
-but together.
-Hear, hear.
429
00:16:29,675 --> 00:16:31,176
-Thank you, Laszlo.
-Now, get the fuck on with it
430
00:16:31,209 --> 00:16:33,445
Yes, this is all
your fault, you know.
431
00:16:33,478 --> 00:16:37,182
For this shithole on
Staten Island is our home,
432
00:16:37,215 --> 00:16:38,651
and 30 years from now,
433
00:16:38,684 --> 00:16:40,185
when you, Nadja,
434
00:16:40,218 --> 00:16:41,721
are sat there by that fireplace
435
00:16:41,754 --> 00:16:44,155
and you have a little ghost
dolly on your knee,
436
00:16:44,189 --> 00:16:46,291
and she looks up at you,
and she says,
437
00:16:46,324 --> 00:16:49,461
"What did you do during
the great vampire battle?"
438
00:16:49,494 --> 00:16:51,697
Maybe you won't
need to say to her,
439
00:16:51,731 --> 00:16:55,367
"Me, dolly? I was shoveling
shit in Louisiana."
440
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,269
-I would never do that.
-[door opens]
441
00:16:57,302 --> 00:16:58,604
Okay, you guys, I'm back.
442
00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:02,073
No need to worry 'cause
I have a plan...
443
00:17:02,107 --> 00:17:03,275
[shouts]
444
00:17:03,308 --> 00:17:04,677
-[Nandor] Whoa.
-[Laszlo] Shit!
445
00:17:04,710 --> 00:17:06,244
[Nadja]
For crying out loud.
446
00:17:06,278 --> 00:17:07,345
[chuckles]
447
00:17:07,379 --> 00:17:08,614
[groans]
448
00:17:08,648 --> 00:17:09,815
[Nandor]
We are fine, Guillermo.
449
00:17:09,849 --> 00:17:11,416
In fact, we are better
than fine. We are great.
450
00:17:11,449 --> 00:17:13,351
We have our own plan.
451
00:17:13,385 --> 00:17:14,452
Okay, I'm just trying
to help cal--
452
00:17:14,486 --> 00:17:16,556
Nadja, when did you go blonde?
453
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:17,590
I mean, you look really--
454
00:17:17,623 --> 00:17:18,724
I don't have time to tell you
455
00:17:18,758 --> 00:17:20,191
everything that you've
missed, traitor.
456
00:17:20,225 --> 00:17:22,327
Look, I know I haven't
been around, but--
457
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,262
It's fine. I get it.
458
00:17:24,296 --> 00:17:26,331
You have your life
and we have ours.
459
00:17:26,364 --> 00:17:27,600
And if tonight
has taught us nothing else,
460
00:17:27,633 --> 00:17:28,734
then it has taught us this:
461
00:17:28,768 --> 00:17:32,572
We can survive
quite easily without you.
462
00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:37,543
Well, okay, then.
463
00:17:37,577 --> 00:17:39,344
Wait, what?
464
00:17:39,377 --> 00:17:40,478
You seem to have everything
under control,
465
00:17:40,513 --> 00:17:42,582
so good luck.
466
00:17:42,615 --> 00:17:44,584
I wouldn't go that way
if I were you.
467
00:17:44,617 --> 00:17:46,786
-Why not?
-Ever hear of a Bouncing Betty?
468
00:17:46,819 --> 00:17:49,822
A schrapnellmine
in the authentic German?
469
00:17:54,894 --> 00:17:58,731
[Heather]
Our latest model is now showingthat those mild showers
470
00:17:58,764 --> 00:18:00,198
won't be hittingthe five boroughs
471
00:18:00,231 --> 00:18:02,602
until 4:00 a.m. at the earliest.
472
00:18:02,635 --> 00:18:03,669
[Lisa]
All right, that'sgreat news. Still time
473
00:18:03,703 --> 00:18:04,804
to pull in that lawn furniture.
474
00:18:04,837 --> 00:18:07,339
[Ted] And speakingof unexpected waters,
475
00:18:07,372 --> 00:18:08,373
Joanna Roscoe is back
476
00:18:08,406 --> 00:18:09,508
with an update for us
477
00:18:09,542 --> 00:18:11,611
on that Staten Islandwater main break.
478
00:18:11,644 --> 00:18:13,378
What's it looking like, Joanna?
479
00:18:13,411 --> 00:18:16,616
Hi, Ted. I am happy to report
480
00:18:16,649 --> 00:18:17,917
that this story finally has
481
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:19,518
a happy ending.
482
00:18:19,552 --> 00:18:21,453
The water main has been sealed,
483
00:18:21,486 --> 00:18:23,823
and the underground leaks
have been brought
484
00:18:23,856 --> 00:18:24,890
under control.
485
00:18:24,924 --> 00:18:26,792
Now there is a small sinkhole,
486
00:18:26,826 --> 00:18:28,527
but the areahas been cordoned off
487
00:18:28,561 --> 00:18:30,930
to prevent it from
widening any further
488
00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:32,898
until we can get
a street crew out here
489
00:18:32,932 --> 00:18:35,266
to fill it in the morning,
but, hey,
490
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,503
at the risk of sounding
overly optimistic,
491
00:18:37,536 --> 00:18:39,471
it looks like residents
are on their way
492
00:18:39,505 --> 00:18:42,474
to having their street
back any moment now. I...
493
00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,242
[Nandor]
Wait. Wait!
494
00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:45,611
Kevin, you got this?
495
00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:47,345
Looks like this story
is not quite over yet.
496
00:18:47,379 --> 00:18:50,716
A very odd and dangerous
new development happening here.
497
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:52,585
-Whoa, whoa, whoa--
-Shit!
498
00:18:52,618 --> 00:18:53,919
[Nadja]
Fucking idiots!
499
00:18:53,953 --> 00:18:55,453
[Joanna] An antique car
has rolled into
500
00:18:55,487 --> 00:18:58,624
the sinkhole,
and a group of locals
501
00:18:58,658 --> 00:19:00,626
are now working together
to retrieve it.
502
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:02,628
[Laszlo]
Initiate diversion,
Colin Robinson.
503
00:19:02,662 --> 00:19:04,462
Initiate diversion.
504
00:19:04,496 --> 00:19:06,699
[Joanna]
All right, there's a guy,
and, uh,
505
00:19:06,732 --> 00:19:08,668
he doesn't work for us.
506
00:19:08,701 --> 00:19:10,670
Okay, and he's throwing
fire in the van. Kev?
507
00:19:12,538 --> 00:19:13,906
[Joanna] Oh! Holy fuck.
508
00:19:13,939 --> 00:19:16,374
[flat tone]
509
00:19:16,408 --> 00:19:17,977
Nope, not my problem.
510
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:20,613
[Lisa]
All right, uh,apologies to our viewers,
511
00:19:20,646 --> 00:19:23,649
but it appears we havelost our Staten Island feed.
512
00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:25,551
[Ted]
We are workingto contact our team
513
00:19:25,584 --> 00:19:27,753
to make sure everything is okay.
514
00:19:27,787 --> 00:19:29,254
Whoa.
515
00:19:29,287 --> 00:19:30,422
[laughs]
516
00:19:31,289 --> 00:19:32,158
[Kevin]
We lost the feed.
We lost it.
517
00:19:32,190 --> 00:19:33,659
Are you getting this?
Are you filming?
518
00:19:33,693 --> 00:19:35,360
[Kevin] Satellite's not
transmitting to studio,
519
00:19:35,393 --> 00:19:36,729
-but I'm recording on the card.
-Get it on the memory card.
520
00:19:36,762 --> 00:19:37,730
Do not stop.
521
00:19:37,763 --> 00:19:38,831
[screams]
522
00:19:38,864 --> 00:19:41,266
What is going on?
Are they flying?!
523
00:19:41,299 --> 00:19:42,668
Oh, oh!
524
00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:44,269
Okay, call the station
and tell them that
525
00:19:44,302 --> 00:19:45,738
-we're coming in
with the footage.
-Okay.
526
00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:49,608
-Excuse me.
-[all] What?
527
00:19:49,642 --> 00:19:52,878
I think Joanna caught us
flying on tape. FYI.
528
00:19:52,912 --> 00:19:54,446
We need to follow that tape
529
00:19:54,479 --> 00:19:57,315
and steal that tape
and destroy that tape.
530
00:19:57,348 --> 00:20:00,418
[Laszlo]
Absolutely, continue with
the second part of the plan.
531
00:20:00,452 --> 00:20:01,921
This sounds like
a slightly different plan.
532
00:20:01,954 --> 00:20:03,989
No, it's the same plan. Bat!
533
00:20:05,423 --> 00:20:07,827
[bats squeaking]
534
00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:09,528
Assholes!
535
00:20:12,064 --> 00:20:14,533
Apologies for the technical
difficulties, folks,
536
00:20:14,567 --> 00:20:17,570
but I hear we have some
truly inexplicable footage
537
00:20:17,603 --> 00:20:19,304
from Joanna en route.
538
00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:20,271
-[objects clattering]-[shouting]
539
00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:22,307
[Colin]
Hand it over, camera jockey.
540
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:23,676
[Laszlo] Show yourself,Joanna Roscoe.
541
00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:24,744
[Colin]
I got Joanna's camera!
542
00:20:24,777 --> 00:20:27,479
Ladies and gentlemen,
one moment.
543
00:20:27,513 --> 00:20:29,982
Bit of confusion here in studio.
544
00:20:30,015 --> 00:20:31,984
[Ted]
I'll say. Who are you people?
545
00:20:32,017 --> 00:20:33,819
What are you doing in here?This is a closed set...
546
00:20:33,853 --> 00:20:37,322
[Nandor] You will fall asleepand forget everything
547
00:20:37,355 --> 00:20:39,024
that has happened here tonight.
548
00:20:39,992 --> 00:20:41,560
And then fall off your chair.
549
00:20:41,594 --> 00:20:42,962
What about all the people
550
00:20:42,995 --> 00:20:44,362
who just saw Lisa Lipton
551
00:20:44,395 --> 00:20:45,865
and Ted Spinelli get hypnotized?
552
00:20:45,898 --> 00:20:47,733
[Nadja] We go on
and hypnotize them, too?
553
00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:49,735
[Nandor]
Yes, good idea.
554
00:20:51,469 --> 00:20:55,074
[quivering voice] To all of the
viewers of the Channel 8 News,
555
00:20:55,107 --> 00:20:57,408
you will remember nothing
556
00:20:57,442 --> 00:21:00,646
out of the ordinary tonight.
557
00:21:00,679 --> 00:21:01,914
[Nandor] That is all ye know,
558
00:21:01,947 --> 00:21:04,083
and all ye need to know.
559
00:21:04,116 --> 00:21:07,520
Actually, pretty solid solution.
560
00:21:07,553 --> 00:21:08,888
Should we just leave now?
561
00:21:08,921 --> 00:21:10,823
No, that willlook very suspicious
562
00:21:10,856 --> 00:21:12,892
to the humansthat have just tuned in.
563
00:21:12,925 --> 00:21:14,627
Just read the words
on the screen.
564
00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:16,427
Uh...
565
00:21:18,931 --> 00:21:20,933
Hip-hip pup-rade.
566
00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:23,035
Indeed. It is time again
567
00:21:23,068 --> 00:21:25,403
for Staten Island's
annual puppy parade.
568
00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:27,807
Which is always
a barking good time.
569
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,075
Here's hoping we have
some nice weather
570
00:21:30,109 --> 00:21:32,778
for these promenading pooches.
571
00:21:32,812 --> 00:21:35,648
And now,
let's turn it over to...
572
00:21:35,681 --> 00:21:37,650
Colin Robinson with the weather.
573
00:21:37,683 --> 00:21:40,953
Seems like a wet one
out there tonight,
574
00:21:40,986 --> 00:21:42,453
right, Colin Robinson?
575
00:21:42,487 --> 00:21:43,556
Not as wet
576
00:21:43,589 --> 00:21:45,090
as it could have been,
Nadja,
577
00:21:45,124 --> 00:21:46,792
but still,
no fun for anyone
578
00:21:46,826 --> 00:21:49,360
who forgot
their umbrella at home.
579
00:21:49,394 --> 00:21:50,361
Let's take a look at
580
00:21:50,395 --> 00:21:51,496
the News 8 WeatherWall
581
00:21:51,530 --> 00:21:53,699
with high Doppler action.
582
00:21:53,732 --> 00:21:55,801
And this patch right here,
583
00:21:55,835 --> 00:21:58,469
um... well, that's
584
00:21:58,504 --> 00:22:01,674
a little schmutz there
on the old WeatherWall
585
00:22:01,707 --> 00:22:04,143
with high Doppler action.
586
00:22:04,176 --> 00:22:07,680
But this patch up here,
this is a bit of good news.
587
00:22:07,713 --> 00:22:09,915
New Yorkers,
you can rest easy tonight
588
00:22:09,949 --> 00:22:12,751
and enjoy a little
sunshine this weekend.
589
00:22:12,785 --> 00:22:15,988
Perfect weather
for a puppy parade.
590
00:22:16,021 --> 00:22:19,725
Our four-legged friends will
certainly be happy to hear that.
591
00:22:19,758 --> 00:22:22,393
And now we turn to...
592
00:22:22,427 --> 00:22:23,996
Laszlo Cravensworth,
593
00:22:24,029 --> 00:22:28,133
who better be telling me
my New York football Giants
594
00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:32,838
are raring to go for Sunday's
game against the Cowboys.
595
00:22:32,872 --> 00:22:34,607
Thanks, Nandor.
596
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,076
From your lips to
Coach Daboll's ears.
597
00:22:37,109 --> 00:22:39,410
Big Blue is having
a big season,
598
00:22:39,444 --> 00:22:41,580
but the Cowboys
are on a roll themselves.
599
00:22:41,614 --> 00:22:44,750
So let's just say
that for either team,
600
00:22:44,783 --> 00:22:46,719
the road to a W
is going to be paved
601
00:22:46,752 --> 00:22:49,755
with blood, sweat and tears.
602
00:22:49,788 --> 00:22:51,957
Here's my lovely wife Nadja.
603
00:22:53,058 --> 00:22:54,660
Thank you, my love.
604
00:22:54,693 --> 00:22:57,428
Well, that is it for us
tonight, New York.
605
00:22:57,462 --> 00:23:00,799
And from everyone
at Channel 8 News:
606
00:23:00,833 --> 00:23:02,067
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
607
00:23:02,101 --> 00:23:03,535
Goodbye.
608
00:23:03,569 --> 00:23:04,870
Bye, then.
609
00:23:04,904 --> 00:23:07,740
[Laszlo]
That's it, try and look normal.
610
00:23:19,551 --> 00:23:21,186
Well, good.
611
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:23,889
I don't want anything bad
to happen to them, so...
612
00:23:23,923 --> 00:23:25,824
I guess I always
imagined the hardest part
613
00:23:25,858 --> 00:23:28,661
of being a vampire was
keeping your identity a secret,
614
00:23:28,694 --> 00:23:31,864
but I guess
the hardest part is...
615
00:23:31,897 --> 00:23:34,465
[sighs] who you leave behind.
616
00:23:34,499 --> 00:23:36,068
You know?
617
00:23:36,101 --> 00:23:37,836
The goodbyes.
618
00:23:37,870 --> 00:23:39,672
[yells]
619
00:23:39,705 --> 00:23:41,840
["Ride of the Valkyries"
by Richard Wagner plays]
620
00:23:45,577 --> 00:23:47,112
[yells]
621
00:23:48,981 --> 00:23:50,015
[gasps]
622
00:23:53,252 --> 00:23:54,820
Whoa!
623
00:23:54,853 --> 00:23:56,722
What the fuck is going on?!
46239
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