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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,957 - OK, kids, let's take our seats. 2 00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,873 Before we get started, we have a guest speaker today. 3 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,529 Please give your undivided attention to Kipling. 4 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,531 - Thank you, sir. - Hey. What's up, guys? 5 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:54,663 My name's Kipling. 6 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,404 I'm with the Webelos of America. 7 00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,580 I want to talk you guys about the exciting opportunity 8 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,364 to join the Webelos. 9 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:02,671 - Is that a chick or a dude? - Shut up. 10 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,301 - I'm sure some of you were in Scouts before. 11 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,240 Webelos are an extension of Scouts, 12 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,111 specifically for fifth and sixth graders. 13 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,567 - You guys, is that a chick or a dude? 14 00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,767 - It's a chick. - Nah, that's a dude, bro. 15 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,571 - part of it as well. 16 00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,336 Now, I know what y'all might be thinking... 17 00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,338 Webelos used to be only for boys. 18 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,166 Well, now they also allow girls, 19 00:01:19,295 --> 00:01:21,733 and I myself, as a... 20 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,387 Webelo, can tell you 21 00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:26,260 it's a great organization for everyone. 22 00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,568 - I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure 23 00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:31,787 that was a fucking dude. 24 00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,397 - I'm definitely betting it's a chick. 25 00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,616 What are the odds at? 26 00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,159 - Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 27 00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,489 55% saying the Webelo is a dude. 28 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,622 - So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet? 29 00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,072 - What are you guys talking about? 30 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:43,581 - Prediction market app, dude. 31 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,496 You know, online peer to peer betting. 32 00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:46,908 - Yeah, it's social platform betting. 33 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,040 People can make any bet they want, 34 00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,346 and then other users take them up on it. 35 00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,414 - Really? - Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. 36 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,350 People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school. 37 00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,506 See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday? 38 00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,830 Will there be a snow day this month? 39 00:01:56,854 --> 00:01:58,247 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza 40 00:01:58,292 --> 00:01:59,652 and destroy a Palestinian hospital? 41 00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,358 Will school lunch have tater tots next week? 42 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,731 - Wait, what was that? 43 00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:04,578 - Will school lunch have tater tots next week? 44 00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,822 - No, the one about my mom! - Oh. Uh... 45 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,301 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza 46 00:02:08,431 --> 00:02:09,868 and destroy a Palestinian hospital? 47 00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,436 - Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital? 48 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,309 - 'Cause she's a Jew? 49 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,267 Boys, put 'em away. 50 00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:19,791 You know the rules... no cell phones during school time. 51 00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,184 Both: Sorry, Jesus. 52 00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,231 - No phones, guys! 53 00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,843 - Take that bet down right now, fat ass! 54 00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:29,105 - I didn't put it up, Kyle. 55 00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,628 I'm not even betting on it. 56 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,998 It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it... those are terrible odds. 57 00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,415 - This is such bullshit! 58 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:35,827 I'm gonna find out who started this 59 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:39,028 and I'm gonna fucking rip them a new asshole! 60 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:42,074 - Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out. 61 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,599 Maybe these are pretty good odds. 62 00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:50,430 You're watching Fox News! 63 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,868 - They're called prediction market apps... 64 00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,436 controversial online betting that's found a loophole 65 00:02:55,478 --> 00:02:57,525 around normal gambling laws. 66 00:02:57,655 --> 00:03:00,528 And, of course, the number one trending bet on the apps: 67 00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:04,358 Will President Trump and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl? 68 00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,055 - That's right, prediction market apps 69 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,839 are going crazy right now. 70 00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:11,582 On Kalshi, 54% are betting it's gonna be a boy, 71 00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:14,933 while bettors on Polymarket are at nearly 60% 72 00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:18,198 the demonic butt baby's gonna be a girl. 73 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,860 - Hello, boss. 74 00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,863 Another gift for the baby. 75 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,822 - Another present for the baby? 76 00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,650 What about me? 77 00:03:35,692 --> 00:03:38,261 - Everyone is so excited for the baby, boss. 78 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:41,482 You must be so excited as well. 79 00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,353 - Uh, yeah, sure. Real excited. 80 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:47,836 - It is going to completely change your life, though. 81 00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:48,880 - What are you talking about? 82 00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,969 - Well, when the baby comes, 83 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,364 you will have to give it all your attention. 84 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:57,062 No more dinner parties in the Rose Garden. 85 00:03:57,149 --> 00:04:00,501 No more baseball games. No more travelling. 86 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,634 No more long nights at Mar-a-Iago. 87 00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:07,856 - Oh. 88 00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:09,336 Ooh. 89 00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,165 - Hey, Satan! 90 00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:16,386 You wanna get in the hot tub and smoke some cigarettes? 91 00:04:16,517 --> 00:04:19,694 - Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad for the baby. 92 00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,608 - Yeah, I know. - Let's do it anyway. 93 00:04:21,738 --> 00:04:24,394 - Wait, do you want to get rid of the baby? 94 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,318 I don't think your followers would be very happy 95 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,746 if we got an abortion. 96 00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,966 - Hey, relax, guy! 97 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,924 I don't want to get rid of the baby. 98 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,709 - Good, 'cause we're not going to. 99 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,450 - Great! 100 00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,021 - Jimmy! 101 00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,066 - Oh, hey, Kyle. 102 00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:45,763 - What the hell is this? 103 00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,852 - That's a prediction market app. 104 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:51,508 - I'm asking why did you bet yes that my mom would strike Gaza? 105 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,920 - Oh, yeah, I put some money on that. 106 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,792 I know it's not very likely, but I like to bet on 107 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,687 l-longshots. 108 00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,472 - Why are you betting on it at all? 109 00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,561 Israel and Gaza is a very serious matter. 110 00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:02,040 - Oh, I know, Kyle. 111 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,757 I told a joke about Gaza on a Zoom meeting yesterday 112 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:04,913 and nobody laughed. 113 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,045 I guess it's not even remotely funny. 114 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,397 Wow. What a terrific audience. 115 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,007 - What is wrong with you people? 116 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,661 Do you even know what Gaza is? 117 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,595 Do you seriously just care about making a couple bucks? 118 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,423 You know what my mom would do if she found out about this? 119 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,144 She would absolutely lose her shit! 120 00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:21,582 There's been a conflict in Israel for thousands of years, 121 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,627 and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams 122 00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:24,758 that you bet on. 123 00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,282 - Guys, phones. 124 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,632 All: Sorry, Jesus. 125 00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,242 - Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair, 126 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,394 then you can just take it up with the company 127 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,071 - that manages the app. - I can? 128 00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:34,595 - Sure thing. 129 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,814 These apps aren't r-run of the mill, rinkydink. 130 00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,357 They're all run by highly professional 131 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,297 strategic advisors. 132 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,444 - Hello? 133 00:05:57,487 --> 00:06:01,883 - Yeah, is this the "Strategic Advisor for Predictive Markets?" 134 00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,276 - Yes, it is. 135 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,819 - Well, there's a bet on one of your apps 136 00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:07,038 that's incredible insensitive, 137 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,107 and it needs to be taken down now! 138 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:14,852 - Oh, uh, all our bets are actually regulated by the CFTC. 139 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,811 You need to talk to them. 140 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,987 - What's the CFTC? 141 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:22,338 - It's the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. 142 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,166 It's the federal government. 143 00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:27,256 They have to approve all bets and deal with discrepancies. 144 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,606 - Fine! I'll call the CFTC then. 145 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,042 So stupid. 146 00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,086 Commodity Futures Trading Commission... here we go. 147 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:44,491 - Hello? 148 00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,294 - Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction market bet 149 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,929 that's offensive to Jewish people. 150 00:06:48,058 --> 00:06:50,453 - Ooh, that sounds really bad. 151 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,717 If it's offensive, you probably need to speak with the FCC. 152 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,545 - The fcc? 153 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,916 - Yeah, they're dealing with all the offensive stuff now. 154 00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,071 Here, let me connect you. 155 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,127 Hello? 156 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,085 - This is the same fucking guy! 157 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,131 - Who is it? - Uh, apparently, 158 00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:18,350 there's a really offensive bet on an app 159 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,483 that the government is sort of in charge of, 160 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,398 and I'm like the strategic advisor. 161 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,269 - An offensive government app? 162 00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:26,620 I better go speak with the president right away. 163 00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,856 Hey, Satan! 164 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,947 Hey, Satan! 165 00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,906 Can you come downstairs? 166 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,909 - What do you want? 167 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,738 - Just come down the stairs real quick. 168 00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,087 - For what? 169 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,610 - For just real quick. 170 00:08:00,741 --> 00:08:02,220 - Oh, there you are, Mr. President! 171 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,613 I need to talk to you. 172 00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,354 - No, no, no, no! - Brendan Carr, don't... 173 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,313 - Whoa! 174 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,885 The FCC guy must have shitty ankles. 175 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,633 - You guys! You guys! 176 00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,132 Have you checked out the betting app lately? 177 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,810 - No. - Ever since Kyle got 178 00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,381 all pissed off, the odds are going up 179 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,987 on his mom attacking Gaza. 180 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,859 - No way. - Yeah, check it out! 181 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,209 Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it. 182 00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:36,211 We gotta get in on this, guys. 183 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,429 - Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza. 184 00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,520 - Yes, exactly. We know that. 185 00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,433 And we can also influence Kyle 186 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,436 to get the odds raised even more. 187 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,979 It's called a conflict of interest, you guys. 188 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,222 It's a way to make free money. 189 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,571 - Isn't that illegal? 190 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,138 - Yes! - All we have to do is make sure 191 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,009 Kyle stays angry, 192 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,900 and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom 193 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,404 to goose the odds up even more. 194 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,014 - What are you guys talking about? 195 00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,233 - Nothing. Just talking about 196 00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:00,017 how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now. 197 00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:02,454 - You think it's messed up? - Yes, I do, Kyle. 198 00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,378 Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist? 199 00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,675 It's obvious race bait. 200 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,808 - Yeah, that's exactly how I feel! 201 00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,220 - Dude, you might just want to let it go. 202 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:10,811 - See? "Just let it go." 203 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,571 That's how people want you to deal with a crisis 204 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:13,875 that they don't even understand. 205 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:15,642 - Yes! Thank you! 206 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,295 - You can't give up, Kyle. 207 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,404 It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom. 208 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,952 And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will? 209 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:29,090 Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom? 210 00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:32,659 Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you. 211 00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:34,071 Well, I don't know, I would just hate to be 212 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,097 a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say. 213 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,881 Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys. 214 00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:39,076 Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about 215 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,928 my friend Kyle's mom? 216 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,546 - Oh, my goodness, can you believe all the crazy apps 217 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,287 our kids are on these days? 218 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,724 - Ugh! - Who can keep track anymore? 219 00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:56,900 - Kyle comes to me every day with a new app 220 00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,336 that he just has to have. 221 00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,861 I tell him, "That app costs money, Kyle. 222 00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:02,253 "Then it charges you money. 223 00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:03,864 Where you gonna get this money?" 224 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,517 - Yeah, you know what'd be nice? 225 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,824 Is an app where you can actually make some money. 226 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:08,869 - Yes. 227 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,305 That'd be great, wouldn't it? 228 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,655 - Yes, it certainly would. 229 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,137 So, Sheila, 230 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:20,358 how have you been feeling about the current situation in Gaza? 231 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,449 - What? - Uh, yeah, 232 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,017 just... just thought we'd sort of take your temperature. 233 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:29,933 Which way are you thinking about going with that? 234 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,022 - Well, I think it's all horrible. 235 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:35,199 - A lot of people are dying. - Uh-huh. 236 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,594 - And do you feel like you need to do anything about it? 237 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,727 - What would I do about it? 238 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,554 - I mean, probably nothing, right? 239 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,774 You're going to do nothing about it. 240 00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,472 - Are you implying the Jews in America 241 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,953 have some kind of obligation to do something about it? 242 00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:52,695 - Whoa, whoa! - You want to vilify my faith! 243 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,349 - Is that it? - Sheila, it's OK. 244 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,481 - It's not Jews versus Palestine! 245 00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,527 It's Israel versus Palestine! 246 00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,370 - Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again. 247 00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:01,922 - And maybe if you read books 248 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,141 instead of everything Hollywood actors say, 249 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,491 you'd know the difference! 250 00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,586 - What are you putting your money on? 251 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:14,412 - I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she seems pretty pissed off. 252 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,154 - There's really no money to be made on betting she won't. 253 00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,852 - Yeah, let's take the long odds. 254 00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,549 That makes these apps more fun. 255 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,506 - Yeah. - Yeah. 256 00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,589 Hey, Satan! 257 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,375 I made you some soup! 258 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:10,207 - I don't like carrots. 259 00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,427 - Hey, relax, guy! 260 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,820 Carrots are good for you. 261 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,039 - I don't want carrots. 262 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,650 I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash. 263 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,044 - Mr. President, I really need to speak with you. 264 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,437 - Not now, Brendan Carr! 265 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,873 Satan won't eat his carrots. 266 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:26,006 - Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. 267 00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,747 Carrots are good for you, see? 268 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:30,227 - Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it! 269 00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:32,752 - Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I... 270 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,580 Oh, God! 271 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:37,974 - Whoa! 272 00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:39,846 - Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 273 00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,417 Wow-wow-wow-wow! 274 00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,946 Those carrots must have been from Erewhon. 275 00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,602 Everywhere I went today, 276 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,169 it was the same thing. 277 00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,476 What are you going to do about Gaza? 278 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,739 Like us Jews in America have any control 279 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,480 over what's going on in Israel. 280 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,438 Why is everyone suddenly confronting us 281 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,136 about the politics? 282 00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:12,835 Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald? 283 00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,881 - No, for some reason, they were just asking 284 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,057 - what you think about it. - You see? 285 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,363 It's just pure antisemitism! 286 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:22,497 I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine 287 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,151 and my thoughts on Hamas! 288 00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:26,718 And being judged for things that are centuries old 289 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:29,286 and that non-Jews know nothing about! 290 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,698 Well, if they all think we should do something... 291 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:31,593 - You... stop! - Then you better believe 292 00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,464 I'll do something! 293 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,510 - You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews 294 00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:36,993 should just lay low for a little bit. 295 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,297 - There! - Now my son is complacent. 296 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:42,624 This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it 297 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,301 - anymore! - Ma, please. 298 00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,563 Don't make things any worse. 299 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,740 - Worse? - How can it be any worse? 300 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,308 I'm going to find out where all this is coming from, 301 00:13:51,352 --> 00:13:54,659 and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind! 302 00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,880 - No! Ma! 303 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,628 - Look, boss, another present for the baby! 304 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,937 - Another present for the baby? - Right! 305 00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,547 - Isn't it cute, boss? 306 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,288 We must be careful, though, 307 00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:17,682 cats can be very harmful to a pregnancy. 308 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,902 - Harmful to a pregnancy? 309 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:23,688 - Well, yes, boss, it's a parasite called toxoplasmosis. 310 00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:25,995 It can be transferred from cats to humans 311 00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,692 and bring about some complications. 312 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:32,480 - Toxoplasmosis? 313 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,506 Hey, Satan! 314 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:04,773 Hey, Satan, you gotta come see this, it's really great. 315 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,644 - What? 316 00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,343 - Ay! I thought you were napping in our room. 317 00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:11,780 - No, I had to go get the ultrasound. 318 00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,782 I can't believe you didn't show up. 319 00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:16,611 It really makes me feel like you don't care about this baby. 320 00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:20,745 - Hey, relax, guy, of course I care about the baby. 321 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,747 - Mr. President, I'm feeling much better... 322 00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,185 - No! Fuck! Brendan Carr! 323 00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:44,595 - You guys. You guys, I did it. 324 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,857 - You did what? 325 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,598 - I talked so much shit about the Jews 326 00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,992 that I got the odds on the bet up to 95%. 327 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,255 - Yeah, check it out. 328 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,170 I put 1,400 bucks on it last night. 329 00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:55,606 I am locked in. 330 00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,086 - Where'd you get 1,400 bucks? 331 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,609 - I just took my mom's debit card, 332 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,065 entered all the info into the betting app, 333 00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,612 and put all the money she has on it. 334 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,528 - Isn't she gonna be pissed off? 335 00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,488 - Yeah, not when I turn her 1,400 bucks into 14,000. 336 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,229 This is the safest investment ever. 337 00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,795 Nothing can possibly go wrong. 338 00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,797 Hey, fellas. Fellas! 339 00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,234 Fellas, have you seen the news? 340 00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,018 Kyle's mom's in Israel. 341 00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,195 - Really? - Oh, wow! 342 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:20,414 - I just put money down! 343 00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,045 - Dude, your mom's in Israel. 344 00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:44,307 - I know. 345 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,308 - Well, you gotta call her. 346 00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,483 You gotta calm her down. 347 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,050 - I've been trying to call her. 348 00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,497 Her phone's not working over there. 349 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,445 - Kyle this is no time for weakness. 350 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,924 Whatever your mom is doing, 351 00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,276 it is going to make kids here even more anti-Semitic. 352 00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,407 - You're totally right. 353 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,756 - Damn right, I'm right! 354 00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,125 You have to get ahold of your mom 355 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,629 and tell her to calm down, Kyle. 356 00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,346 Call the Israeli government if you have to. 357 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,111 - How do I call the Israeli government? 358 00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,287 - Call a diplomat. - Call an embassy. 359 00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,507 You just have to talk to someone who works for Israel. 360 00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:17,297 - Hello. 361 00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:19,342 - Oh, you have got to be shitting me! 362 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:20,909 - What? - This is the strategic advisor 363 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,476 for predictive market apps. 364 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:23,583 - Tell him to take the bet down. 365 00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:24,868 - What? 366 00:17:24,955 --> 00:17:26,108 - Make him take the bet down, Kyle. 367 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,046 It is anti-Semitic, and you have to fight 368 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,309 for what you believe in. 369 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:31,006 - I called before about an offensive bet, 370 00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,505 and I want that bet taken down right now! 371 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:33,661 - That's right! 372 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,445 - Oh, yes, I believe your complaint 373 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:38,187 was being reviewed by head of the FCC. 374 00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,991 - Well, then what's the head of the FCC doing? 375 00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,364 Where the hell is he? 376 00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:52,462 - Mr. Carr? - Mr. Carr, can you hear me? 377 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:58,077 - We understand you're the head of the FCC, is that correct? 378 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,774 - Mm-hmm. 379 00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,341 - All right, well, I'm very sorry, 380 00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:03,517 but you do appear to have toxoplasmosis 381 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:06,128 from exposure to cat feces. 382 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,217 - Aww! 383 00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:12,395 - We need you to get some rest. - Try not to move. 384 00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:15,833 - Will the head of the FCC be OK, Doctor? 385 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,139 - His bones are healing, 386 00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,359 so he may regain full range of motion. 387 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:23,798 But if the toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his brain... 388 00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,148 I'm afraid he may lose his freedom of speech. 389 00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,846 - Oh, no! 390 00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,110 - We'll do everything we can. 391 00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:43,557 - Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my plans? 392 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,993 - Huh? 393 00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,864 - I've been trying to convince the boss 394 00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:50,607 to get rid of the baby. 395 00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,088 I am next in line to be president. 396 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,264 That baby cannot be born. 397 00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,049 And if you continue to interfere, 398 00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,922 I will make things very difficult for you. 399 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,667 - We can do this the easy way, 400 00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:09,191 or we can do it the hard way. 401 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,467 - Hello. 402 00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:27,209 Uh, yes, is this the office of the president? 403 00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:28,819 Yes, it is. 404 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,691 I've got a young man who's saying one of our 405 00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,476 predictive market bets is offensive to Jews? 406 00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,435 Ooh, that sounds bad. 407 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:37,132 Yeah, it sounds pretty bad. 408 00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,612 Well, the president isn't here, 409 00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,353 but I'm, like, a special advisor, 410 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,703 so I can probably get the bet taken down. 411 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,227 Ooh, I'm a special advisor too! 412 00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,924 Oh, really? That's great. 413 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,188 Can you email me the bet in question? 414 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,885 Yeah, I'm emailing it now. 415 00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,278 Oh, yeah, I see it. 416 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,584 OK, I'll need to approve with the financial company 417 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,500 backing all the app since the bet money needs to be returned. 418 00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,416 OK, thanks, I'll let all the Jews know. 419 00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,162 - What the hell? 420 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,598 - They took it down. 421 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:13,168 We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets. 422 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:14,952 - How can the app company do that? 423 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,693 - I got in at nine-to-one odds. 424 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:18,608 This is b-b-bullshit! 425 00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,523 - Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt. 426 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:24,266 - Guys! For the love of God! 427 00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:30,925 - Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. 428 00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,319 You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here 429 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:36,060 gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you. 430 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,758 - Oh, that's all right, Kyle. 431 00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:40,195 I'm just happy the bet got taken down. 432 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,849 Now none of these sickos can profit 433 00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,416 off of what your mom does. 434 00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,721 - Yeah, well, those people 435 00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:48,203 would have all lost the bet anyway. 436 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,137 - What do you mean they would have all lost the bet? 437 00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,948 - Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel. 438 00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:56,167 - It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital? 439 00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,560 - No, when my mom left the house, 440 00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:58,755 she said she was gonna find 441 00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:00,104 the person responsible for all this 442 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,825 and give them a piece of her mind. 443 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:12,358 You are not going 444 00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:13,924 to talk to me like that! 445 00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,578 I am extremely upset, 446 00:21:15,622 --> 00:21:19,190 and I am not leaving until I have said my piece! 447 00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:22,803 There you are, Mr. Netanyahu! 448 00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,761 Just who do you think you are, 449 00:21:24,892 --> 00:21:27,242 killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods, 450 00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,983 then wrapping yourself in Judaism 451 00:21:29,026 --> 00:21:31,420 like it's some shield from criticism? 452 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,553 You're making life for Jews miserable 453 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,382 and life for American Jews impossible! 454 00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,601 Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister. 455 00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,211 You know what you're doing, 456 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,431 and you're doing it on purpose! 457 00:21:42,475 --> 00:21:44,215 Well, now you can just sit in that chair, 458 00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,479 'cause I'm not going anywhere, buster! 459 00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:48,568 I've been to every PTA meeting, 460 00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:50,178 every school board meeting, 461 00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:52,049 and I can go all day! 33924

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