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I've actually done my best

to really not think about this
for 30 years...

...let alone
talk out loud about it.

Society has a weird view
towards women

in these relationships.
There's so much misogyny.

You're sort of pigeonholed

into this girlfriend,
or ex-girlfriend,

or you're... these roles,
and you're supposed to...

um, sort of be cut
as a pathetic figure.

I've gone as far
from being an artist

in New York City,
as one can imagine,

and I think that is a lot
because of his death.

♪ No ♪

He heard the whole of his person
in the music.

Writing his second record
was so daunting.

♪ Tonight, as I stand ♪

It was a huge step forward
for him.

But I haven't been able
to listen.

That might sound crazy, but...
...I can't.

♪ Just like a woman, yes... ♪

I certainly was
a flawed parent.

♪ Just like a woman ♪

But he sure got me, you know?

And he got exactly
where I came from,

and understood...

why I made the choices
I made in my life.

No one has ever loved me
more or better...

than he.

Every human being
has music

that only they can make.

And it's my deepest form
of communication with people.

It'll always keep on changing,
it'll always defy anything

that tries to put people
in a box.

♪ This is our last goodbye ♪

♪ I hate to feel the love
Between us die ♪

♪ But it's over ♪

♪ Just hear this
And then I'll go ♪

♪ You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know ♪

There's things I wanna do
that I've never heard of.

It's my life.

♪ Yeah, this is
Our last embrace ♪

♪ Must I dream
And always see your face? ♪

I just love when men
use their voice
so unselfconsciously.

I mean, he was literally
the best singer I've ever heard.

And he was so amazed
by what female singers could do.

Feminine, masculine,
he was and is my favorite.

♪ Kiss me, please kiss me ♪

♪ But kiss me
Out of desire, babe ♪

When you really dig
into the lyrics,

it's so sacred,
him recognizing his own...

I guess,
you could call it "mortality."

♪ I'll only make you cry
This is our last goodbye ♪

I wanna be
songwriter Jeff.

Jeff Buckley, songwriter.

♪ Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

He had a way of playing

the most beautiful songs
you've ever heard.

He could have literally been
doing anything musically

that he wanted to do.

♪ Signs that it's over ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ooh ♪

♪ It's o... o... over ♪

First time
I heard Jeff sing...

he was in the bassinet.

One time I came in,
and I could hear him.

He was vocalizing to the radio.

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

The day I heard
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough,"

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I thought, "Ooh, damn."

"He's a singer."

Music charged my life.

Interviewer 1: A good childhood?

Uh...

It was a childhood.

[over recording] My mom's
first-generation
Panamanian immigrant.

Very good girl, brought up
with Voodoo-Catholic values.

You know,
brought over to Anaheim,

you know, that hellhole
in Southern California,
where Disneyland is.

My parents had
high hopes for me.

You know, immigrant parents,
their eldest child.

I wanted to be an actress,
and sing and dance,

and play the piano,

but I had soiled
the family name,

and dishonored them
having premarital sex.

I met Timothy
in French class.

He would do things like
pull one hair on my...

Right? And I would turn around,

and he would be
looking up.

We were two kids
from abusive, crazy homes,

and we just knew the world
better than anybody else.

♪ Now, you wanna know
The reason ♪

Seventeen at the time,

I was already
a teenage pregnant mom.

♪ Why I cheated on you ♪

My parents thought
maybe I should give

the baby up for adoption.

But there was no choice for me

but to go through
with the pregnancy.

And I knew from the fifth month

that I was never going
to see Tim again.

♪ This little man had to try ♪

First of all,
he was with somebody else.

♪ To make love feel new again ♪

Plus, he was determined
to be a singer-songwriter.

This child was on me.

♪ 'Cause there's just
A few things, honey ♪

He split
before I was born.

You know, he decided
not to be a father to me.

You don't serve
your country, man.

You serve life,
you serve people.

TV, from the very beginning,
and also public schools,

have been the great lobotomizer.

Everything in the outer world
is not the world,

the cars,
how much perfume you wear.

The world is what's inside

and what cats
pull out of themselves

- all through time.
-I said to him,

"You gotta go
pursue your dreams,

you go."

But... my dreams
of being an actress,

or being a concert pianist...

that was all gone.

Jeff and I
sort of raised each other.

Well, his father
wasn't there,

but this woman loved him
with all her heart

and didn't hesitate

to make him feel loved
at every chance she had.

He would come and put
his little hands on my face,

and say, "We're gonna be okay,
mommy, right?"

And I'd go, "Yes, we are, honey.
We're just fine."

He... had to take care of her.

And he was feeling like
she had been hurt...

and feeling horrible about that.

♪ Perhaps it is the color
Of the sun cut flat ♪

♪ And covering the crossroads
I'm standing at ♪

Jeff was like having
a grandfather watching over me

and telling me
who was okay to date,

and who wasn't.

♪ But Mama
You've been on my mind ♪

When I was a kid,
I always felt really proud

if I could roll a joint for all
the grownups at the party.

I never did it,
but, like, I always...

"I wanna do it, let me do it."

I now remember the day
that my mom called me over

to the reclining chair,
and tried to explain to me

that if I told anybody
that they did this stuff,

they would go to jail.

♪ And all because of the man ♪

♪ That got away ♪

When Jeff was little,
before I even made coffee,

music would go on, constant.
Constant, constant, constant.

Judy Garland. Huh!
"The Man That Got Away."

I love that song.

And it was very important
to us.

♪ Oh, I want
A whole lotta love ♪

My stepfather, Ronald,
he was a car mechanic.

He was the one
that introduced me
to Led Zepplin.

That changed my whole life.

Ron would turn
the stereo on loud enough,

the whole block could hear,
and there would be Little Jeff

laying on top of the speakers

with his little body
vibrating to the music.

Music, it was my mother,
it was my father.

It was the best thing
in my life.

I see in the newspaper
this quarter-page ad.

Tim Buckley
made a name for himself

as one of pop music's
genuine innovators.

Over the course of nine albums,

he incorporated
the prettiest of folk music,

the most extreme
of free-form jazz

and the raunchiest
of rock and blues.

And I thought, "Wow,
maybe this is an opportunity

for my son
to get to know his father."

I looked at Jeff and said,
"Hey, would you like to go

see your dad perform?"

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I'm singin' Sally go round ♪

Jeff was rocking
to the music...

♪ Saddest thing
In this whole wide world ♪

...and looking up at his dad.

Tim had his eyes closed,
but he had to know he was there,

had to be aware of his presence.

♪ Sally, don't you go down ♪

When he went back
to the green room,

I looked down and said,
"Do you wanna go see him now?"

And I could feel
Jeff clutching my skirt...

...you know,
kind of hanging on,

pressing close,
and looking around.

I couldn't see Tim at first,
and then I heard, "Jeff!"

"Hi, bud. How are you doing?"

Jeff sat on his lap,
and he started talking,

what his favorite color was,

"My dog's name is King,"
what grade he was in.

About ten minutes later,
Tim said,

"We'd like to take him home
with us tonight."

I'm going...

"Yeah, you can take him home
right now,

but you better not fuck up."

I stayed with him a week.
Easter vacation.

He had an adopted son,
he had a new wife,

he had a whole other family.

Four days later,
I got a telephone call.

Tim had to get back
into the studio,

and put Jeff on a bus
in Santa Monica.

"It was so much fun.
My dad has a lot of friends."

"And he gave me this."

I said, "You save that, buddy."

No calls were returned.

It was two months before.

I have a great deal
of pain and anger,

but I have a great deal
of love and compassion...

for Tim.

Some things that he did
completely embarrass me to hell.

But the things that were great
hold up against anything.

Jeff wasn't even mentioned
in any of the obituaries.

By the time
I was in high school,

got my first electric guitar.

It was a black
Memphis Les Paul copy.

Yeah, just fell in
with the wrong crowd

and got a band together,
of course.

♪ Eternal life
Is now on my trail ♪

♪ Got my red glitter coffin,
Man ♪

♪ Just need one last nail ♪

♪ While all these
Ugly gentlemen ♪

♪ Play out their foolish games ♪

♪ There's a flaming red horizon
That screams our names ♪

At 15,
Jeff was practicing

Al Di Meola every night.

That was a fixation I had
up until the time

I was, maybe, 16.
And I can play anything I hear.

My high-school bullies
called me "faggot."

And their fucking new-wave
girlfriends stenciled, "Geek,"

on my fucking Ovation Viper
electric guitar case.

♪ Roxanne ♪

♪ You don't have to put on
The red light ♪

Jeff had an ability
to mimic the vocal cadences,

and the inflections of people
he was listening to.

♪ Roxanne ♪

♪ You don't have to wear
That dress tonight ♪

♪ Walk the streets for... ♪

It's in exact album... It's...

'Cause, you know,
a lot of people

would tune it down a step,
so they could hit the note.

This is the exact...
It's... It's album pitch.

♪ Put on the red light ♪

It's the same key.

I used to wanna be
a guitar aficionado.

But the thing I was gonna learn
to do best was songwriting.

Music and words.

I decided to make
a woman of music,

and give myself to her.

And at another point,
I decided to make

a man of music
and give myself to him.

When you're a kid,
people assume

that you have no mind
of your own,

which, at a very early age,
I did.

I put so many things
onto music for me...

so that I wouldn't shrink
into a black...

universe.

St. Ann's in Brooklyn
wanted Jeff to sing

at a tribute to Tim.

♪ Oh, I never asked
To be your mountain
I never asked to fly ♪

I said, "No."

♪ Remember when you came to me ♪

"I will never, ever
perform that music."

- ♪ Told me of his lies ♪
-"I've got my own music."

I said,
"You know what, son?"

"Give it some thought."

"There's gonna be
some really amazing artists

in the lineup."

So, I said, "Okay,
but I just wanna come on

and sing, and come off."

"This is not a springboard."

"This is something
really personal."

And they told me, "Well,
we don't know how good he is,

so we'll put him
with other artists

to fill in any gaps
in his talents."

Dangerous situations
appeal to me.

There had been a bit of buzz

that Tim Buckley's son
would be there.

I figured,
"Hey, what's the worst

that can happen?"

[on microphone] Um...

The luminaries
of downtown were there.

This could be exactly
what I dreamed for him.

Uh...

I didn't know
who he was, and I'm working

doing sound and lighting,

but he was so nervous.
He was so...

Like, his hair
was just in front of his face,

and he seemed so awkward.

Long time ago,
when I was a little kid,

my mom sat on a bed,
and she put this record on,

and I heard my father's voice.

He had on
his father's coat,

and he started to play...

It was his dad's song
about leaving him as a child.

♪ I never asked
To be your mountain ♪

- ♪ I never asked to fly ♪
-And he was weeping.

♪ Remember when you came to me ♪

♪ And told me of his lies ♪

♪ You didn't understand
My love ♪

♪ You don't know why I try ♪

♪ And the rain
Was falling on that day ♪

♪ And that's the reason why ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Sweet ♪

♪ Sweet ♪

♪ Sweet lover ♪

It did become
Jeff's concert.

I was like,
"This can't be real."

He told me he walked away

with no less
than 60 business cards

in his pockets.

My friend,
he said he heard

Tim Buckley's haunted voice.

It's not his voice,
and it's not my voice.

It's the voice
that's been passed down

through every man in the family.

He came out,
and sat next to me, and said,

"What did you think?"

I was thinking, "My opinion here
does not matter,"

but that was really stunning,
like, just so beautiful.

He was asking
if he could walk me

to the subway,
and gets on the train with me,

and took it all the way
into Manhattan,

and we're talking and talking.

And we stayed on that train,

and we went all the way up
to the last stop.

Besides reading
and movies,

what I really like
is night prowling,

finding out-of-the-way places
where the misfits go.

You're making me laugh so much.

♪ Yeah, mean ♪

Then we got
in the downtown,

and we went all the way
to Coney Island and back.

♪ I will take to any task ♪

♪ I'll do anything you ask ♪

♪ If you really love me still ♪

He was so interested
in what I did,

which really surprised me

'cause I was doing
experimental theater.

It was really less
about money and fame,

and more about
pushing the boundaries.

Nobody I knew my own age

was really interested
in any of that,

but he was someone who drank up
the world like a sponge.

♪ You make me feel so young ♪

Thank you.

♪ You make me feel like
Spring has sprung ♪

I was in a play
with Rebecca.

I was in high school.

And Jeff just felt
very electric to me.

♪ The moment that you speak ♪

Jeff had
a real lust for life.

♪ Go play hide and seek ♪

The East Village
at that time

was such a collection
of every eccentric

that did not fit in
anywhere else.

♪ You and I ♪

And he saw
so many people

breaking down the status quo.

Artists were being banned.
The NEA was being censored.

New York was the place
for this amazing stuff,

stuff I can't even describe
to you.

Sometimes he would
just disappear,

and I'd get a call
from a friend later going,

"Jeff showed up
at my house today."

Every moment was so spontaneous.

He would make
very elaborate outgoing messages

like old-time radio shows.

[over tape] And now,
the continuing adventures

of Spinach the Cat.

His most famous
being Spinach the Cat.

...house cat falls on the edge.

And now, your host,
Quentin Snobbery!

Jeff didn't have a job,

so he had a lot of time
on his hands.

Jeff used to look specifically
for Michael Bolton tapes,

so he could put
the piece of tape

over the top,
and record over it.

He would line up tape recorders
'cause there was no samplers,

there was no digital computer, nothing.

He basically created
this little studio

all for this...
...outgoing message.

Pressing this sound effect

for when the crowd cheers.

And this sound effect
when the cat meows.

It was an hour long.

And so people...

...they had to listen
to this hour-long soap opera.

He asked me,

"Do you think
this part is too much?"

I thought, "The whole thing
is too much."

Join us next time
for the continuing adventures

of Spinach the Cat.

I love you. I love...

I think
Jeff had this desire

to be liked and loved,
and to connect with people.

Jeff started calling me
Butterfly.

I think he saw me at that point
of coming out of a cocoon.

We were these two
sensitive young souls

searching for where you fit in,
and feel empowered and loved,

and found each other.

♪ I once was open ♪

♪ And one
With a traveling heart ♪

But I called him...
...the Scratchy Fish,

'cause he was always
not shaving, very bristly.

And he started
making these stories,

almost like children's stories.

This is Scratchy Fishy,
this is their home,

and this is Butterfly,
and they're getting married.

The story he wove
about a butterfly and a fish

was that
they could never be together.

♪ Just like the ocean ♪

♪ Always in love
With the moon ♪

♪ It's overflowing now ♪

♪ Inside you ♪

You could see in his eyes
that he would sometimes go

to this place that I think
was very inaccessible

to anyone but himself.
He just would check out.

♪ In the half-light ♪

♪ You saw me as I am ♪

♪ The stars have lost
Their glitter ♪

♪ The winds have grown colder ♪

I wanted to be a... you know,
a chanteuse.

♪ Don't know what happened ♪

♪ It's all a crazy game ♪

Secretly, I think
I wanted to be Nina Simone.

♪ I love all things about you ♪

Although she would advise
against this strongly, I'm sure.

- ♪ Your heart ♪
- ♪ Your heart ♪

Sometimes, I think I wanted
to be Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.

He was my Elvis.

♪ Oh ♪

To be a scrappy, young
White kid from Orange County,

covering Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
or Nina Simone,

you just have to give it up.

He must've been
working his ass off.

There was
a tiny little club

in the East Village
called Sin-e.

You could probably fit in

maybe 30 or 40 people
at the most,

and it would be
super, super crowded.

And Jeff was washing dishes,
he was serving people coffee,

and then every now and then
he would just get up and play.

Check. That's cool.

I'm a ridiculous person.

And you're lucky
you've paid no money to see me.

U2 member: It was
an Irish-run coffee shop.

A great little place
to see somebody in the raw.

This is a perfect place
for music lovers.

It's not like playing
at a rock club.

It's not like playing at a ball.
This is good place to get real.

Turn it up.

It was so homey
in here.

It just smelled
of, like, espresso.

He'd be in the middle
of some, like, ballad

and you just hear that...

♪ And we sat on our own star ♪

♪ And dreamed of the way
that I was...♪

The Sin-e community
became a place

of such encouragement for him.

♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪

It really became a home

where he could experiment.

♪ It's a fabulous time
For a Guinness ♪

♪ You know the brown liquor ♪

The Buttocks
of Steel tour, Jeff Buckley.

In the beginning,
there were just a few people.

Then all of a sudden,
it was, like, packed.

[on microphone] I'll play
the seat-finding song.

Crowds, you know,
spilling out into the street.

Everybody, stop.

He was really
an entertainer there

as much as a musician.

By the way,
all these songs are

for the lovers in the audience.

He mostly did covers.

And then
he started introducing

some of the original material.

It went from laughing
to jaw-dropping,
you know?

This is a song
about a dream.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Oh, Oh ♪

♪ Whoo-ooh ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

That was the first time I ever
saw Jeff Buckley at Sin-e.

♪ When I'm lying in my bed
The blanket is warm ♪

♪ This body will never be safe
From harm ♪

♪ I still feel your hair
Black ribbons of coal ♪

♪ Touch my skin
To keep me whole ♪

I mean, you know,
a pin could drop.

I wasn't thinking about
being a music executive.

I was just a fan.

♪ Oh, if only
You'd come back to me ♪

♪ If you laid at my side ♪

♪ Wouldn't need no mojo pin ♪

♪ To keep me satisfied ♪

I was there
with Columbia.

I think
we were all sort of stopped

in our tracks that night.

♪ Oh, precious, precious
Silver and gold ♪

The whole
record company gauntlet

started infesting
my gigs.

They were all there,
the people from Elektra,

Arista, Sony.

♪ And pray to love ♪

[on microphone] Hmm!

It was a bit of a cotillion.

But that's the way it goes.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

We'd all heard
so many nightmares

about large labels,
and lack of creative expression,

but I think he went into it

feeling like
he'd been reassured

that he was gonna get that.

♪ Well, it's you
I've waited my life to see ♪

♪ It's you I've searched
So hard... ♪

I knew that
they were just sitting there

with bated breath,
waiting for the new Tim Buckley

to come up and pick up
where his father left off.

I hated it. I couldn't stand it.
Fucking bullshit.

What do you think
you inherited from your father?

People who remember my father.

Next question.

I went around and sampled
record company people

to find where I fit in.

Jeff had
a little bit of fear

about the fact
that he didn't have

more original material.

I would never tell him
what to do,

but I was like, "Go small."

I went to Sony.
Well, Columbia.

When you walk in,

the first thing you see
is Bob Dylan,

on the wall, looking beautiful.
A foot away is Miles.

Foot away is Monk,
Duke Ellington,

Chambers Brothers, Mahalia.

♪ Sometimes I feel ♪

It was purely emotional,
I was like "Yeah, this is...

I wanna be... here."

Columbia has
such a storied legacy

of Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan
and Bruce Springsteen.

What we all felt
sitting in that room was that

he would one day
be in that pantheon.

I said, "Gentlemen,
you won't be able to dictate

anything to me,

I'm just gonna make something
I've never heard before."

And the people
that I settled with

were pretty fine with that idea.

He was told that
it was, like,

one of the biggest deals

an unknown person
had ever gotten.

He brought home
the contract.
It was, like, 40 pages long.

I'd never seen
anything like it.

It should have been just joy,

but I think
suddenly things changed.

I would come home from work,

and I'd come up
the six flights of stairs,

and I would get to the door,
and put my key in the door,

and I'd hear him stop.

Before the record contract,

he would sing and play for me
all the time.

I said to him,
"Do you need a place to work?"

The pressure to write songs
and not be interrupted

was so intense.

I'm going to write...

a hundred songs in five weeks.

Means 20 songs a week.

Ugh...

He struggled
with the lyrics.

I'm a horrible critic.
I'm my own worst critic.

He was obsessed
with Morrissey and Dylan.

So, he had a very high standard.

He didn't wanna be known
as the guy who only does covers.

My hope had been that

we would work
on the relationship

and live together,

but he would find another space
where he could get

this record contract fulfilled.

That was naive
to hope...

...'cause he moved out
completely.

People are, like, saying,
"Look, I'll give you
all this money,

look, I'll be your manager,
look, I'll be your agent."

"Look, I got this place
I want you to play.
Blah, blah, blah."

And I just wanna make
something special,

not even care
about anything else,

money, or prestige,
or a tour, or nothing.

♪ There's the moon
Asking to stay ♪

Try it again.

♪ There's the moon
Asking to stay ♪

♪ Long enough
For the clouds to fly... ♪

Coming up with
a record's worth of material

with musicians and a producer
and engineers waiting,

and everybody
is dependent on you,

you know, it's like, tick-tock,
start making magic.

Let's try it again.
Come into my world.

My journals are the lyrics
for the albums.

The songs just come
out of poems,

and sometimes
poems come out of dreams.

♪ And she weeps on my arm ♪

♪ Walking to the bright lights
In sorrow ♪

♪ Oh, drink a bit of wine
We both might go tomorrow ♪

This is a song
called "Grace."

It's basically a death prayer.

♪ Ooh ♪

I always describe it as,
you know,

not fearing anything,
anyone, any man, any woman,

any war, any gun,

any sling or arrow aimed
at your heart by other people.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It reminds me of the pain ♪

Because there is
somebody finally

who loves you for real.

You can achieve
a real state of grace

through somebody else's
love in you.

Jeff would say, "Oh, we should
bring strings in on this song."

We had this idea to write
interesting backgrounds

that fit the voice,
actual lines,

you know, counter lines.

Karl came
from the jazz world.

He was more appealing to Jeff

than somebody who does
pop string arrangements.

Britney Spears would call,
and I said,

"No, that's... you're calling
the wrong person."

Jeff listened to Bill Evans.
He listened to Shostakovich.

Have you heard
of any pop singers

even knowing
who Shostakovich is?

- ♪ [music resumes] ♪
- ♪ And the rain is falling ♪

♪ And I believe ♪

It was the same way

that Led Zeppelin
used orchestrations.

Any orchestra leader
would have loved

to have had their day with Jeff,

to be able
to just go to the moon.

People who sing high lose power.
Jeff actually gains power.

His range
was like four octaves.

You think
you're coming to a peak,

and then he goes
one step further

and then he goes
another step further.

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ Yeah, whoo ♪

"Grace" is one of those songs
that would inspire me
to pick up the guitar and play,

and then I'd start to

kind of... find something
that made me feel like that,

and fail miserably at it,
put the guitar back.

♪ Oh, oh! ♪

Jeff said, "I want you
to shoot my album cover."

I had all the contact sheets,
and Jeff just went... boing,

"That's it. That's the cover."

It's completely iconic.

He already looks like
he's Sinatra.

The folks
at the company didn't like

the glittery gold jacket.

"Yeah, that's a little
too effeminate."

And Jeff's like,

"You gave me creative control.
I choose that."

♪ And I feel them
Drown my name ♪

♪ Was so easy to know ♪

♪ And forget with this kiss ♪

♪ Well, I'm not afraid to go ♪

♪ But it goes so slow ♪

Seven originals, three covers.

♪ Wait in the fire ♪

♪ Wait in the fire ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

He made a record that
no one else could ever have

come close to making
as a first record, it's uncanny.

Now, it's like
a legendary album.

People know me better for that
than for my own music.

♪ Oh, yeah, wait in the fire ♪

- That was all right.
-It was great.

I remember...

putting it in the CD player
in my car...

and I was...

overwhelmed with the mastery,
and the musicianship...

and the poetry.

And...

and the vocal performances...

were beyond anything

I had imagined
he was capable of.

♪ Ooh ♪

Boy!
France, Australia, UK, huge.

"Grace" was huge!
It was a monster hit.

US, moderate.

♪ Oh ♪

As a child,
I lived in Los Angeles.

I mean,
you see people getting signed,

dreams totally inflated falsely.

But I really admire artists
allowed to fail,

are allowed to be human,

allowed to make
the most glorious dances

they could ever imagine,
and totally fall,

and get back up
'cause it's all human.

But if you're like this side of,
you know, Danny Partridge,

it's just, like,
totally impossible.

It's the era of grunge.

And Jeff was
a real counterweight to that.

He was part of
this downtown New York scene.

Back then
Jeff defied genres.

Jeff tested boundaries.

Jeff challenged
traditional male, female roles.

So, his music
was not easy to fit

into the dozen radio categories.

And yet
Jeff was also influenced

by some of the artists
that came out

in the late '80s and early '90s
from Seattle.

Soundgarden was playing
in London,

and I don't think
I quite realized

what a huge Soundgarden fan
Jeff was.

♪ You've been taken ♪

Oh, my goodness,
this is where he could be

like a little, you know,
annoying brother, like,

"You have to take me.
I'm coming with you."

He just magically showed up
one day,

and it was on.

It was a beautiful,
beautiful friendship

between he and Chris.

There was a sense of mischief
with this...

almost soulmate understanding.

Chris Cornell
does it really well.

He's, like, the one
of the few people I've met

that makes his life work,
his ordinary life,

'cause without ordinary life,
there's no art.

How would you like
your fans to think of you?

Just as a... Really as a guy

that's just, like,
a really good storyteller.

Just somebody who does
a job that they enjoy.

Of course,
it was incredible

that so many people
reacted to his music,

but the fame
that went along with that

was not the fun part.

Even when he acted confident,
it was kind of an act.

It was him channeling
that bravely as a character,

but I still think
that really insecure person

was always there.

Well,
everybody is sensitive,
but sometimes,

men don't wanna recognize it.

I don't even want people
to really think of me as a face,

or a name, or a body,
or anything, just the music,

'cause when I'm dead...

that's the only thing
that'll be around.

How he was being
examined under a microscope

was so intense,

'cause that quality he had
to disappear in the moment...

ultimately amounted
to not showing up

where I was.

One night, he didn't come home,
and this was Valentine's Day.

By 03:00 or 04:00
in the morning,

I was calling hospitals
around New York City.

And then he just sauntered in.
He had been out with friends.

♪ Maybe I'm too young ♪

♪ But tonight... ♪

Hi, Rebecca, it's nine o'clock

and I fucking couldn't get
into your show,

'cause I got there too close
to eight o'clock.

I'm so disappointed.
I really wanna see you.

♪ Too young to hold on ♪

♪ And too old
To just break free and run ♪

During
his record-release party,

I had a backstage pass.
He'd handwritten my name on it.

His manager was at the door,
and he went,

"You can't go in now.
Sit over there."

Two hours went by,

I went to the door,
and I turned the handle,

and I walked in...

...and it was
a mostly empty room.

♪ Gets carried away ♪

They said Jeff left,
like, over an hour ago.

He must have gone out
a back door.

The next morning,
he was so apologetic,

and really upset...

but I felt resigned.

I didn't wanna be an appendage,
I didn't wanna be in his world

if he didn't really
want me there.

♪ So, I'll wait for you
And I'll burn ♪

♪ Will I ever see
Your sweet return? ♪

The hard part about letting go
was like,

"I hope
he will have good people,"

because he didn't have
any self-protection.

♪ It's never over ♪

♪ She's the tear that hangs
Inside my soul forever ♪

♪ Love, lover ♪

♪ Lover ♪

♪ Lover, lover, lover ♪

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Lover ♪

♪ You should've come over ♪

♪ 'Cause it's not too late ♪

When Rebecca and him split,

he just kind of looked like
a different person for a while.

There was a time
when I was in New York

and we spent some time together,
and... we met at a bar.

And this jazz band
is really loud,

so it was impossible
for us to talk.

We started
writing each other messages.

For a lot of it, I think
he was trying to be seductive...

but...

...it was, like, really not
where I wanted to go.

There was a very boundary-less
kind of liquid feeling to him.

He felt very desperate
to self-medicate

with, you know, making us
into a sexual relationship.

I remember getting
kind of frustrated,

and writing,
"You need love, not sex."

Generally, I love
to rush in there,

and try to fix a broken guy,

but that liquid, watery quality
just felt very tidal-wavy.

He was very hard
on himself.

Like, sometimes
I got the sense that...

he felt that there were
good and evil forces,

you know, at play within him.

Music, I don't know,
it'll save you.

One, two, three!

♪ Lover, you should've
Come over ♪

♪ Lover, you should've
Come over, whoo-hoo! ♪

♪ Lover, don't forget
To bring the Coors, whoo! ♪

Matt Johnson on drums.

The bass player, Mick Grøndahl.

- I'm Mick Grøndahl.
- And I'm Jeff Buckley.

And you're watching
120 Minutes on MTV.

He asked me
to join the band too.

Sometimes I think
Jeff wanted me,

because I was a connection
to Rebecca,

and those memories.

I think that it was clear
that Michael didn't know

how to play the guitar.

Yeah, all right,
there were tube socks.

They were tube socks.

But it was
about personality.

It was about people.

I would have my amp
really quiet.

Jeff would slowly
turn it back up,

you know, and I'd get all tight.

He always told me not to be
afraid of the mistakes.

Don't use your brain
the way you were using it

30 seconds ago. You know?
In fact, don't use it at all.

Matt, in particular,
was just so good

at following Jeff
wherever Jeff was going.

That musical chemistry they had
is very hard to come by.

My name is Jeff Buckley,

this is my band,
and this is our tacky abode.

On the outside, it looks like
a huge black phallus of death.

It's a Velcro clock.

He's like,
"Okay, I want you."

Until I got sober,

drugs and alcohol
had been a big part of my life,

which we connected on,

because of, you know,
his father's situation.

So, it just fell out
of your pocket?

It's a huge cliché
that, you know,

bands are like families.
But they are.

Whoo!

♪ Thank you! ♪

The infamous
American Legion Hall concert...

was the first one
that Jeff was in town

since he started the tour.

All of the relatives,
the friends of the relatives,

the relatives of the friends
of the relatives,

all wanted to go to the concert.

We filled
the last two rows.

The Tasmanian devil was...

The... the pack showed up.

And there was no beer left,
there was nothing left.

Everything was, like, wiped out
before the show.

Let's just say that

as soon
as there was an opportunity

to become part
of the inner circle

of a rockstar,
it was very attractive.

The promoters came to me,
and said, "We have a situation."

I go outside and I...

...realize it's Jeff's mother...

...sitting in a car with her...
one of her girlfriends,

just... smoking pot.

You know,
"Hi, Gene. What's up, hey?"

"Well, Mary, listen,
you gotta, you know...

you gotta curtail this.
You're gonna get arrested."

And I go back inside
to tell Jeff

that the show's
gonna be canceled

'cause his mother was outside
in the parking lot,

smoking pot.

Hey! Are you there?
This is your big, sexy son.

I think you should really not,
like, set yourself up like that

when you're, like,
"Fucking light up a doob,

light up a fucking joint."

"What? We're in the parking lot.
It's like over there..."

"It's California. What?"
"No, no, no, no, no."

We ended up in Iowa City,
and opening up for us

were The Dambuilders
and then the Grifters.

My booking agent said,
"Tim Buckley's son, Jeff,

who had taken New York by storm

was going to be on this tour
as the headliner."

Joan Wasser
was one of the heavyweights

in the music world,
being a tough-ass cool female

coming up in the '90s
through the music scene.

♪ Control! ♪

♪ Wake up... ♪

Lots of power,
lots of shiny.

You know, lots of shiny.

When I saw him,
it was definitely a vibe.

We were just sort of
checking each other out.

♪ And I'll rise like an ember
In your name no... ♪

Well, Jeff stood right
in front of me the entire show

and watched me.

♪ I know everybody here
Wants you ♪

He was rocking a, like,
I'm-worshipping-a-goddess vibe.

♪ Everybody here thinks
They need you ♪

Not subtle. Not subtle.

And then hearing him,

the thing that I thought of was,
"That's Nina Simone."

♪ I lost myself ♪

♪ On a cool damp night ♪

♪ I gave myself
In that misty light ♪

♪ I was hypnotized
By a strange delight ♪

♪ Under a lilac tree ♪

He sang
the whole show to me.

It was like,

"Man, this... this guy really
knows how to work."

Work me right now.

I was feeling like,
"Oh, I got this,"

and then being like,
"Oh, I don't got this."

This person is too powerful.

♪ Lilac wine ♪

♪ Is sweet and heady ♪

♪ Where's my love? ♪

♪ Lilac wine ♪

♪ I feel unsteady ♪

♪ Where's my love? ♪

♪ Listen to me ♪

♪ Why is everything so hazy? ♪

♪ Isn't that she
Or am I just going ♪

♪ Crazy, dear? ♪

That night
these jocky guys

were, like, making fun of me.

I had this very cartoony type
of hair,

so I was pretty used to that.

But Jeff leapt up and said,

"You wouldn't know a woman
if she slapped you in the face!"

I was like, "Oh, God,
that's so romantic. I love it."

And like, "Fuck that.
I don't need defending."

But I came to learn
that he was someone who was...

a really staunch defender
of women.

♪ I feel unsteady... ♪

All people are sensitive,

but his sensitivity
wasn't crushed...

like some men's sensitivity
has been.

♪ Listen to me ♪

It stayed intact.

♪ I cannot see clearly
Isn't that she... ♪

You're talking about
two amazingly talented people

who immediately connected.

First thing I thought of,
"Oh, my God,

they're gonna become a band,
and it's just gonna... rule."

♪ Yeah! Yeah! ♪

♪ I know how you like it child
Of mine, quick and tight ♪

♪ When girls can't stand it
When you're doin' it right... ♪

Jeff toured a lot.

It was a slow growth
of that following.

♪ Doin' it right ♪

We toured almost
consistently for two years.

What's life been
like since "Grace" came out?

Work, work,
work, work, work.

♪ I gotta kick 'em out! ♪

His label,
they wanted him to be their...

And he was like,
"Well, I have another idea

of what that means."

Being famous without content,
that really irks me.

He did get discredited
by certain,
like, "cool" musicians

because of the branding.

He was chosen to be
in People magazine's

"The 50 Most Beautiful People"

or whatever the hell
that was called.

The poor relatives, I think
one of them walked up to him,

"Look, Jeff!
Look what I've got!"

And he took her Sharpie
and just went...

We went
to every newsstand

and bought every single one.
He spent hundreds of dollars

so that no one would see it
in his neighborhood.

The entire show is dedicated
to People magazine.

♪ Let me kick out
The jams, yeah ♪

It was becoming an increasingly
stressful environment.

♪ Done kick'em out! ♪

You're very much
a public person now.
How does that feel?

Well... I'm public
with the camera,

but, uh, don't like TV.

What does your TV station
wanna know about me?

Once we got to Europe,

I remember we felt a little...
...sense of relief.

News reporter 2: Jeff Buckley
is being hailed

as the next Bob Dylan.

He has talent to burn,
and we recommend

that you give this album
a listen.

♪ People came there from... ♪

The album
was doing better over there.

Radiohead came
to a show in London

and was so inspired by Jeff

that they left the concert
and went right to the studio

and recorded
"Fake Plastic Trees."

♪ Fake plas... ♪

In Paris,
we went to the opera

and walked along the Seine

and went to every café
that we could.

They fell in love with him.
And who wouldn't fall in love

when you do justice
to an Edith Piaf song?

♪ Oh, mon amour ♪

What about Edith Piaf?

- What's your attraction to her?
-To her sound, her voice.

♪ A toi toujours ♪

Her sexiness, the romance.

Her tragedy.

♪ Dans tes grands yeux ♪

No one could rock
like Jeff.

But once you do "Hallelujah"...

...God help you.

This is for Leonard,
wherever you are.

And this is for Nina Simone.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Heard there was
A secret chord ♪

♪ That David played
And it pleased the Lord ♪

♪ But you don't really care
For music, do ya? ♪

♪ But it goes like this
The fourth the fifth ♪

♪ The minor fall
And the major lift ♪

♪ The baffled king
Composing Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

We were both on the road.

You know, it was,
like, so romantic.

Like, impossibly romantic.

But when we were together,
we created a space

where nothing was too scary
to talk about.

We both needed that so badly.

♪ And she tied you
To her kitchen chair ♪

♪ She broke your throne
And she cut your hair ♪

♪ And from your lips
She drew the Hallelujah ♪

My high school bullies
are undoubtedly living

a completely pathetic life.

♪ Maybe there's a God above ♪

♪ But all I've ever learned
From love ♪

♪ Was how to shoot somebody
Who outdrew ya ♪

We felt like
we found the person

that we felt the most safe with.

Nothing was off-limits.

♪ And it's a broken... ♪

We could just be free, really,
for the first time.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelu... ♪

♪ Jah ♪

Thanks a lot.

What is
the connecting thread?
Because you'll do a cover

of Bad Brains or of The Smiths
or of Edith Piaf or...

Um... Probably,
my mindless hero worship.

♪ Hey, hey, mama said
The way you move ♪

♪ Gonna make you sweat
Gonna make you groove ♪

This is Jimmy Page
and this is...

Uh, I'm Robert Plant and, uh,
we're at the 99th festival

of this tour Europennes.
And it's, uh...

-Sorry, "Eurockéennes."
- I don't care.

We're at
the Eurockéennes festival, eh?

Vive le rock!

I don't think
Jeff had ever seen

Page and Plant live.

My main
musical influences,

love, anger, depression, joy
and Zeppelin.

It was like he was going
to Mecca or something.

♪ My life happily without ya ♪

Backstage at the festival,

I felt something
over my shoulder.

It was like heat.

And I turned around,
Jeff was walking towards me.

He put his hand
on my shoulder, said, "Hey,

I love
your slide-guitar playing.

Could you show me
some slide-guitar stuff?"
And I said,

"Well, Jeff,
you can probably show me

some...
some slide-guitar stuff."

He said, "No, please,
show me," you know?

And he said, "Hey,
Page and Plant are playing."

"When I... When I get off,
if we go straight there,

we'll make it. We'll meet
at the side of the stage."

And we were both really excited,
obviously, to see them.

After Jeff's show,

I go around,
where I'm in the pit.

We're looking for Jeff
constantly.

Trying to watch the show.
We're trying to look for Jeff.

We looked up.

He's just out of my periphery.

Oh, shit!

There's Jeff, hanging,
all the way up,

off the scaffolding.

♪ Oh ♪

Zeppelin is at full throttle,
and Jeff is with every decibel

coursing through his veins.

- You can call it death-defying.
- ♪ [music continues] ♪

♪ Oh-oh! ♪

The volume of music
as it passes into your body

turns you into an instrument
that your own ears hear.

There's a great deal of comfort,
in the same way

that a baby's greatly comforted
by their mother.

He looked at us
and gave us a wave, like,

like... said,
like, "Come on up."

Like, the water's warm.

Music, it was my mother.
It was my father.

When he was back
in New York,

we went and saw
Nusrat play at Town Hall.

After the show,
we went backstage.

Nusrat, very, like, placid.

And here was this, like,
bouncing-around Jeff.

Nusrat did not speak
any English,

and Jeff was trying
to connect with him,

and then he just started s...
Oh.

Nusrat, like,
looked at him, like...

"What the fuck is going on?"

The smile came
on his face,

and it was just instant respect
and love.

That
is a universal language.

I didn't only
just listen to things.

I totally, absolutely
lionized everybody

having anything to do with it.

Some of Jeff's heroes
eventually became fans of him.

I was at a show at Roseland
where Paul McCartney

and Linda McCartney came.
And it was just amazing.

There is this one shot where
he's looking at me going like...

"Can you believe it?"

But some of those heroes

also recognized
his father's work as well.

That was difficult for him
'cause, like, Linda McCartney

knew his father better
than he did.

In these situations,
I'm hoping that I'm understood.

But with comparisons,
I'm not understood.

I have my own way.

Jeff would buy all
of Tim's CDs at Tower Records,

listen to them
and then throw them out.

♪ If it keeps on rainin'
Levee's gonna break ♪

Led Zeppelin
was being inducted in '95

into the Rock & Roll
Hall of Fame.

♪ If it keeps on rainin'... ♪

I'd never seen Jeff
so starstruck.

And he just started pointing,

"You're the one that's been
in my head all these years."

"It's you."

At one point
during the evening,

Robert Plant said something
to Jeff, like,

"You're the greatest new singer
in the world."

It freaked Jeff out.
He turned white.

Got up, I don't know
what he did, where he went,

but he was missing
for, like, two days.

Hi, it's me. Uh...

Where you've been?
Where are you?

[over voicemail] Hi, Jeff.
I haven't heard from you. Um,

I assume
you're blowing me off.

It's like you've disappeared.

Woman 2: Where could you be?
Where... where could you be?

This is your mom.
You can call me.

I need to hear from you now.

I noticed
Jeff's depression started

started to kick in.

Automated voice:
Your mailbox is full.

There was so much
on his mind,

but he wasn't talking about it.

And he just felt heavy.

We all, like,

experimented with taking drugs and stuff.

It was sometimes a bit crazy,
but, like,

he... I never got, like,
an addict vibe from him at all.

Yeah, there was dipping
and dabbling and stuff.

Some more than others.

I teach you
no more karate! You...

But I couldn't be
around it.

Next year, then, will that mean
a new Jeff Buckley album?

I have to work on it this year.

- Mm.
- So, something will be out...

No. You know what?
I can't make any promises now.

I'll be a corpse
by then.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Jeff Buckley.

It's a great... Thank you, sir.

I feel like,
as his fame grew,

the demands of success
started to irritate him.

The label was kind of
breathing down his back

for the second album.

I think he was weighed down
by the debt that he owed them.

Millions of dollars
in debt with no hits

on your next record, yeah.

Well, you're
never gonna get out of the hole.

No one ever gets out of owing
a record label money

because that's how
it's structured.

That probably
would've been very scary

to Jeff, and maybe he thought

that the type of deal
that he had may have been...

...a little bit of a deal
with the devil, sometimes.

That's your bed.

And you made it
and you have to lie in it.

Jeff started to spiral
around this fear that he has

of the loss
of his artistic freedom.

Columbia Records' meetings
would be very...

full... full of pressure,
you know,

when Jeff didn't wanna do
something.

Every parasite needs its host,
and we are them.

- I'm Jeff Buckley.
- And I'm Michael Tighe.

We've been guest-parasite
hosting tonight.

The label wanted
the next record to come out,

but they were still touring.

"Make another... album."

"Please." Oh, my God.

You've taken
your time, haven't you?

I mean... You haven't rushed

into recording
the follow-up album.

Only because of being
on the road so long.

Do you anticipate
that it's gonna take...

- months and months?
-If it takes any longer,

you'll find me swinging
from a noose.

Get in the van,
eight hours a day, every day,

for, like,
two-and-a-half years, bro.

Like, can I just have
some fucking space?

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Then? I was nuts.
I was fucking nuts.

And the last thing I need

is another nuts motherfucker
next to me.

All right!

And obviously
Jesus on the drums.

Thank you!

You could really
feel the disconnect

between Jeff and Matt.

And I think Jeff felt...

like he was being abandoned
by a brother.

♪ Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner ♪

So, Matty quit
the band, said he was done.

I myself am erratic.
Music is erratic.

If people look upon music

as something
to have control over

or something to be...
uniform and... and predictable,

then it's their funeral.

I'm gonna come home.

I'll record, definitely,

I just wanna come home
and experiment

and get all these ideas out.

Where would you like to see
yourself in ten years?

Ten years from now.

I don't see myself ten years
from now. At all.

"I just don't."

Just a blank movie screen.
Just a void.

What can I tell you?

I heard "Grace"
in the summer of '96

and within two weeks,
I would meet Jeff.

"We need a drummer. We'd love...
You come, try out."

♪ You and I ♪

Jeff had so much...
fear around this record.

He wasn't ready.

He is questioning
everything.

"Was the first album a fluke?
Am I an imposter?"

"Grace" was a compilation
of everything that he had done

until he was 27.

He wondered, "Do I have
another record in me?"

"Do I need another 27 years?"

Then you have
the record company guys

coming down to check in on us
and see our progress.

I was like,
"Are you kidding me?"

We wanted to be able
to supply the inspiration

that would get him
to the next level,

but I think he felt he had
to do that on his own.

♪ Sleeping with his arms
Around the hips of fate ♪

♪ And his tears
Scattered round the world ♪

♪ Angel, go give him
His dreams ♪

♪ And my cold, black visions ♪

So many of the people
he admired had...

somehow self-destructed.

People think that, mm...
my father and the EP

is all there is to talk about.

And then
to have Jeff come from a father

who had died young,

he was really trying
to be healthier.

On his 29th birthday,
Jeff turned to me and said,

"I've now outlived my father."

It was a really strange reality
for him to face.

♪ Eyes to the burning... ♪

He said... "I have
to tell you something about me.

I'm not gonna last that long.

I just have to tell you
what it feels like,

because I wanna warn you."

And I said,
"I'm not going anywhere."

And because
of his father dying...

I thought,
"Of course, you think that."

"That makes
all the sense in the world."

♪ Don't be like the one
Who made me so old ♪

♪ Don't be like the one
Who left behind his name ♪

♪ 'Cause they're waiting for you
Like I waited for mine ♪

♪ And nobody ever came ♪

♪ Nobody ever... ♪

At the end of three years
of touring, who do you know?

What sort of life do you have?

It's a little corrosive
and a little frustrating.

And, uh, that's why
I have to go away.

I have to find someplace
and really sink into it.

Jeff found this house
on Rembert Street.

He didn't have a lawnmower,
so it became overgrown.

I would visit him
for a week a month.

I remember lying with him
in the grass.

No one could see us.

Joan had said to me,
"Take care of Jeff."

"Keep his feet on the ground."
And I took that seriously.

There seemed to be...
some normalcy, some grounding.

- Some cooking.
- Uh, some cooking, food.

And I feel
that Jeff came here

where there's not as much
external stimulation...

in order to process...

and not just to create.

♪ Take the pain
Until it all rings hollow ♪

Without ordinary life,
there's no art.

Balanced meals. Reading,
sleeping, relationships.

♪ Lilac wine ♪

Love.

♪ I feel I'm ready ♪

It felt like
he felt safe there.

He would wear my dresses
in the house sometimes,

and loved wearing them.

He just wanted to be anonymous

and be able to talk to anybody
in the bookstore,

not worrying
if they were talking to him

because they knew who he was.

Early one morning,
I went to pick him up,

and he was crying.

I said, "We wanna talk about
what's going on."

And he said
it had to do with his mom.

Yeah, well...

One day, I went to visit
a friend in Los Angeles.

I didn't have Internet
at the time.

And she had a computer
all set up, and she said,

"Oh, you know, here's
a chat room all about Jeff."

So, I sat there and read
some of the comments,

and they were
just a bunch of bullshit.

So, I said,
"Hi, I'm his mom."

"I want you to know
none of that is true."

Well...

...that did not go over well.

It got back to his manager
that I was,

you know,
"dealing with the fan club"

and saying things
that he didn't want me to say,

et cetera, et cetera.
And he got really pissed at me.

Oh, hey, mama.

You've gotta fucking
grow up, all right?

You can't be a girl anymore,
ma, you gotta be a woman.

I had to be the man.

I had to be the man
in your house.

Just get the anger and the pain
that was rested upon you.

You get rid of that shit.

'Cause that's in me.

Everything you experienced
at home, it's in me.

We never had a "falling out."

And it was serious.

And we didn't spend Christmas
together that year.

He went to Northern California
and spent it with his stepdad.

Jeff got real serious
and turned, took my hands,

looked down, very dejected,

and said very quietly,
"I don't know how to be a man."

He was looking
at who raised him

and formed his ability

to deal with life
on a day-to-day basis.

He was looking
for answers, really,

from a ghost, from his father.

♪ Once I was a soldier ♪

♪ And I fought
On foreign sands for you ♪

Jeff could shift gears,
though, very quickly.

His mind worked like a... radio

that was tuned
to all frequencies at once.

♪ Manic depression... ♪

How you doin'?
Hi. Hi. Hello.

I wanted to, uh,

share a little bit
of what's happening with me.

We're in big trouble over here.

He said,

"I realized something."

"I think I'm manic depressive."

I didn't know what that meant.

I thought immediately
of the Jimi Hendrix song.

♪ Yeah ♪

We know so much now about
chemical imbalances and stuff.

And we just... I didn't.
And nobody did then.

He was
in a really heightened state

and was having
really disturbing visions,

like visiting the devil.

He took me into the attic.

There was a dead bird
laying on the floor

and his black skull candle.

He sent a fax
to the office and he's like,

"I got the cover
for the next album."

We comment,
"And this is too X-rated."

"We can't send this to Sony."

He said that he dreamed
he had a brain tumor

and he thought
that he was going to die.

It was
what I understand now

to be a psychotic break.

The same thing
was going on with Hendrix

and Joplin and Morrison.

Chemical imbalance mixed
with some sort of trauma

that's only sustainable
for so much time

until either it gets fixed
or it fixes you.

I'll never forget,
he always said,

"I'm not gonna end up
like my father,

with a tag on my toe."

Jeff had gone
to the zoo numerous times

and loved the butterfly house.

But he felt like
the guy working

in the butterfly house
was mistreating the chrysalis.

He felt
he could be more gentle.

Hi, Rebecca. It's Jeff.

Sweet dreams and, uh,
play lots of music.

Sing beautiful songs.

The last conversation
we had,

he woke me up with a phone call.

He was wanting
to clarify the past.

♪ And in that orchard
There was a hold ♪

He was apologizing.

I remember saying,
"It takes two, you know,

to... to mess things up
the way we did, and this is...

It's all good."

He said he was doing work
on his childhood

and, uh, that they were looking
for someone to help him,

presumably a counselor.

I'm gonna work
my ass off, baby.

And, uh, I'll see you
on the other side.

For, like, two weeks,
he, like, just called everybody

he knew, just to,
like, have... contact.

I remembered him
calling me and saying,

"I realized that you were right
about stuff and..."

I, you know, I wasn't even sure
what he meant by that

and I didn't know
how to follow it up and...

It's sad.

Jeff was very quiet
and didn't say anything.

I told him I loved him.

♪ And in that orchard
There was a hold ♪

I said to him, "I have photos
of you from your childhood."

"Would you like me
to send them to you?"

And, like, in a really
soft voice, he said,

"I'd like that."

I said, "You just got
to let go and not care...

if mistakes are made."

Barristers became
his second Sin-e of a kind

where he could go
and work out music...

♪ Fall in light ♪

...without having
the entirety of, say,

New York City find out about it.

♪ Feel no shame
For what you are ♪

I have been everything
on stage. I've been wrong.

I've been completely ugly.
I've been stupid.

I've been angry.
I've been totally in love.

I've been beautiful.
I've been hideous.

I've... I've lost my pants.

Uh, but I've... I've
never been bored.

I've never been dead on stage.
I've never been dead.

♪ Feel no shame
For what you are ♪

He left that
on my answering machine.

"Michael,
it's starting to click,

it's starting to feel like
the way the 'Grace' songs felt."

♪ Fall in love ♪

He hadn't played
anyone any of it.

His band was joining him
really soon

to start recording the record.

Just sometimes a...
a song gets into you and...

and just gets into you.

You know, it just happens to you
in a moment.

Me, Michael, and Mick
each got a four-track tape.

♪ Twenty-nine pearls
In your kiss ♪

♪ A singing smile ♪

♪ Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me ♪

I could feel that those songs
had come from a very pure place.

♪ A little bit young
And hassled ♪

He was doing it all
on headphones. I said,

"Jeff, you could get speakers,
and it would fill the room."

- ♪ ["Vancouver" playing] ♪
- ♪ Lady, all the troubles
are my fright ♪

♪ I disgust you ♪

♪ Feel the power
You cut the truth into you... ♪

He got
where he needed to go.

♪ I could kiss you ♪

♪ With lines of escape
In my mouth ♪

He's like,
"I wanna open up
a bank account,

buy this house,
and I wanna buy a car."

He was really happy
and having so...

much fun.

♪ They say
Everything can be replaced ♪

♪ But every distance
Is not near ♪

Jeff was supposedly on
the way to the rehearsal space.

He was
with the guitar tech, Foti.

They ended up going down
to Wolf River.

It was typical Jeff.

He thought,
"Oh, it's so beautiful."

"I'm gonna go in fully clothed."

No one swims down there.
It was muddy.

I don't know about currents.
There were boats.

♪ From the west
Down to the east ♪

He was listening
to "Whole Lotta Love"

by Led Zeppelin.

♪ Any day now ♪

Love, anger,
depression, joy...

♪ Any day now ♪

...and Zeppelin.

♪ I shall be released ♪

♪ Any day now ♪

♪ Any day now ♪

♪ I shall be released ♪

He probably went
in the water

as soon as we hit the tarmac.

We got to the house,
and it was kind of in disarray.

I kept thinking

I was gonna hear the screen door
squeak open in the back

and slam, you know,

and then he'd come
to the kitchen and we'd be like,

"Yo!" And he'd be like,
"What's up?"

Gene picks up the phone and...

just said, "Let's go."

I thought
he just swam across.

It was very quiet
and peaceful down there.

And the sun's setting.
You know, it's gonna be dusk.

Now, there's,
like, helicopters.

I picked up the phone
and said "Hello?"

and someone said,

"This is Memphis
Police Department."

And I said, "I'm coming."

The car pulled up in front...

and it was
Sergeant Mary Grace Johnson

of the Homicide Department.

And she said, "You know...
we have to have the sunshine...

'cause that'll bring
the body up.

If we wanna find him,
you have to stop the rain."

I was sitting
in his attic two or three days

after he went into the river.

And I just remember
breathing in,

and my breath, like,
just kept going in.

Like, I just, I had the, like,

the biggest inhalation
that I've ever had.

And I just felt like
my lungs puffing up

with air and, like,

my spine straightening,
you know?

And, um...
something switched in me,

and I kind of felt like
he was... gone.

Singer-songwriter
Jeff Buckley's body

finally surfaced
late Wednesday afternoon

at the foot of Memphis's famed
musical corridor, Beale Street.

As a friend watched helplessly
from shore,

Buckley disappeared under
the wake of a passing boat.

TV reporter: The irony
wasn't lost on anyone

that a man who lived
for his music

would be found dead
at the foot of Beale Street,

where he'd performed before.

I was
in Texas visiting family.

I was staring at Brays Bayou,
watching the water.

That was the same time
when Jeff died.

It was more than I could bear.

♪ Well, I heard
There was a secret chord ♪

♪ That David played
And it pleased the Lord... ♪

It was an undertow.

The Army Corps of Engineers
had actually

specifically dug
that viaduct area out

to keep it clear of debris,
so it dropped off.

And, obviously, being
fully clothed and weighted

and out there
for about 20 minutes,

plus an undertow,
his drowning made sense.

♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

The autopsy report said
he had a beer in his system.

That's it.

I asked Rolling Stone
to please publish

the report to show that drugs
had nothing to do with it.

What's a shame
is that the story

was very sensationalistic.

It was very much like,
"Well, we don't know."

And, unfortunately,
I can't tell you how many people

I've ran into
in the last 20-something years

who are like,
"Oh, yeah, he died of drugs,"

or, "Oh, he followed
in his father's footsteps."

♪ And from your lips
She drew the Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Jeff was one
of the greatest singers

of all time.

♪ Well, baby
I've been here before ♪

♪ I've seen this room
And I've walked this floor ♪

I didn't
fully comprehend

how dope he was
when he was alive.

It was my first band,
and he was my boy,

and everything
just felt natural.

It was... a perfect example of,
you know,

youth is wasted on the young.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah, Hallelu... ♪

He had said,
"You should come out
to Memphis."

"It's beautiful here."

And I said,
"When your record's done,

I'd really love that."

♪ Well there was a time
When you let me know ♪

♪ What's really going on below ♪

♪ But now you never show that
To me, do ya? ♪

We were so young.

Like...

we'd... you know,
all of those things

that felt so urgent and scary,
those fall away.

And...

you know, I would have loved
to see him...

have those things fall away.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Hey, Maruka. Hey, mama.

This is your son.

There are somethings
I have to tell you.

It's very special to me...

that you are a person
that a child came from.

And you are a person
that fought for their child.

You know,
you fought for the child.

You got some fuckin' cojones...

...baby.

Ma... you know...

- anybody can be famous, Mary.
- ♪ [song concludes] ♪

Anybody can be
fucking famous, baby.

But it takes a real spirit,
you hear me?

It takes a real spirit...
to raise a kid.

You know, you brought me
into the world.

A lot of my phrasing
is from you, you know?

A lot of my phrasing
when I sing is from you.

I'm glad you're my mother.

I'm glad you gave me the things
you gave me.

- Yeah.
-Yeah!

You know how much
I love you, ma.

I love you too.

I love you.
I love you so much.

- I love you.
-

Thank you.

♪ Well, maybe
I'm just too young, oh ♪

♪ To keep good love
From going wrong ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, lover
You should've come over ♪

♪ Well, I feel too young
To hold on ♪

♪ And I'm much too old
To break free and run ♪

♪ Too deaf, dumb, and blind
To see the damage I've done ♪

♪ Sweet lover
You, you should've come over ♪

♪ How long
Will I wait for you ♪

♪ Lover, lover, lover ♪

♪ Lover, love, love, love ♪

♪ Lover, lover ♪

♪ Lover ♪

♪ You should've come over ♪

♪ 'Cause it's not too late ♪

Thanks a lot, everybody.
Goodnight.

You were beautiful.

Thanks a lot. And I love you.

♪ Lady, all the troubles ♪

♪ Are my fright, I disgust you ♪

♪ Feel the power
You cut the truth into you ♪

♪ Why do you think I did not
On this rely ♪

♪ I could kiss you ♪

♪ With lines of escape
In my mouth ♪

♪ Ah-ha-ha ♪

♪ Please, let me bring back ♪

♪ These gifts of mine
To the woman ♪

♪ Stars shined on my back ♪

♪ As I slept and knew you ♪

♪ You didn't leave it all ♪

♪ You made an even call ♪

♪ My belly released the stars ♪

♪ And tears between the scars ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Below this we'll end here
Until the end of time ♪

♪ Beyond the moment
That ends our bondage ♪

♪ I am your failed
Husband contender ♪

♪ I'm your loan shark of bliss ♪

♪ This dream you've ridden on ♪

♪ Turns your world
To explosions ♪

♪ I need to be alone ♪

♪ To heal this bleeding stone ♪

♪ Now, smell
The rain of London ♪

♪ It still insists ♪

♪ That we beg for our ♪

♪ Purity ♪

♪ As if we are pure ♪

♪ In the reign
Of our contentment ♪

♪ As if I can think of ♪

♪ This ♪

♪ No more ♪