Original subtitles

The Cat in the Hat presents Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat.

The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play.

Just sit in the house all that cold, cold, wet day.

Goodbye, kids. I'm leaving now.

Have fun.

I'll be back at, uh, 3:30 sharp.

Sit by the window, just sit there and stew.

And wish there were something...

...something to do.

Too gooey and dunky outdoors to play ball.

Nothing doing. Nothing at all.

Fun, fun

How can you have fun?

Just sittin' doin' nothin' When there's nothin' to be done

Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin' Absolutely nothin', nothin'

Positively, absolutely Absitively, posolutely

Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin' Nothin' to be done

Nothing to do but sit, sit, sit.

Just sit in the house.

Just sit there and grump.

Then all of a sudden, something went bump.

-Look. -A cat.

In a hat.

You will note I am neat.

Wiped my feet on the mat.

Why must you--? Why do you sit there like that?

I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny.

I know it is damp and the sidewalks are runny.

-But what I can't see-- -Now, you listen here, cat.

--is why you'd sit there like that.

I know some good games we can play.

-Listen, cat. -I know some great tricks.

-Listen, Cat in the Hat. -I know that your mother won't mind if I do.

And I'm simply itching to show them to you and to you.

Out of this house. I'm warning you. Get.

Who's that? I believe that we haven't yet met.

The name is Krinklebein.

Karlos K. Krinklebein.

-Ooh. -Now please go away.

Tell that top-hatted cat he should not be about.

He should not be here when your mother is out.

My dear Mr. Krinklebein, my tricks are quite safe.

I invite you to join in the fun, if you wish.

With a game that I call Up, Up, Up with a Fish.

Put me down.

Put me down, you fool cat.

Outrageous.

Now let me repeat, and I don't like to shout...

...but he should not be here when your mother is out!

It's up to you kids, whatever you say.

If you think me untrustworthy, send me away.

Well, he is getting the house sort of messy and dirty.

-And Mother-- -Yeah, Mother, back home at 3:30.

A vote of no confidence.

I must humbly bow to the voice of the majority.

Goodbye, now. Off to Siberia.

Ha! Somebody stole my moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza.

Nobody's gonna leave this room until I find it.

Pardon me, sir.

You lost a moss-covered what?

Three-handled family gradunza.

So that's your attitude, eh, Krinklestein?

Did you steal it?

There's a gradunza snitcher in the house.

Things will never be the same.

How dear to my heart

Was that beautiful gradunza

That my old feline father Bequeathed to me

That old family gradunza

The old three-handled family gradunza

The old moss-covered Three-handled family gradunza

That hung on the family tree

I've been burgled, thwertled, by a fish.

Aw, give it back to him, Mr. Krinklebein.

Come on, now, don't be mean.

But I didn't steal his whatsis.

I'm guiltless! I'm clean!

Thwertled by a fish.

I'll never see

My darling moss-covered

Three-handled family gradunza

Anymore

By the way, cat, just what is a family gradunza?

Oh, they come in all styles. From triple-G to minus-aught.

-Is it bigger than a--? -Occasionally, but on most occasions not.

-Is it smaller than a--? -They no longer make that kind.

But one family gradunza is always smaller than another.

Should all family gradunzas be forgot

And never brought to mi--

Now, if I were a fish...

...where would I hide a moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza?

Whatever it is, it isn't here.

And whatever it is, it isn't here.

Wherever it is, it is left in some lurch.

Wherever it is, we must speed up the search.

I'll tell you this. It's not in the unabridged dictionary.

But let's find that thing and get rid of that cat.

There are more, ahem, scientific methods of searching than that.

And just what kind of science does the cat recommend?

Why, the principle of calculatus eliminatus, my friend.

Calculatus what?

Calculatus eliminatus.

I went to Cat Tech, where I studied the same.

What other cats do you know who can make such a claim?

Very well, Dr. Calculatus.

Find it and eliminatus yourself.

I shall indeed.

When you've mislaid a certain something

Keep your cool and don't get hot

Calculatus eliminatus Is the best friend that you've got

Calculatus eliminatus Always helps an awful lot

The way to find a missing something Is to find out where it's not

It isn't here, I'll mark this X.

It isn't there, I'll mark that Y.

It isn't underneath the apple

Mark the apple HKI.

It isn't in this keyhole.

-No? -And it isn't on my knee.

Hmm. Mark the keyhole K300. Mark the knee 57B.

We just jot down All the places Where it isn't, and gee whiz

Very shortly we will locate Where the missing object is

-It isn't here. 842J.

-It isn't there. F607.

You can mark the piano 22,000 decimal point 11.

-It isn't in the icebox. That's strange.

It's not on this TV.

Icebox, O24 and a half, TV, 1 million and three.

When you've mislaid a certain something

Keep your cool, don't go to pot

Calculatus eliminatus Is the best friend that you've got

Calculatus eliminatus Always helps an awful lot

The way to find a missing something

Is to find out where it's not

Look at this house.

Look at this.

Look at that.

This uncouth, barbaric pompestuous lout.

He should not be here when their mother is out!

Very well, I'm a punk

A kratunkulous schnunk

Nobody loves me

Not one tiny hunk

I agree, I'm a griffulous, groffulous groo

I'm a schmoosler, a schmingler

And a poo-poobler too

I'm a horrendous hobject Which nobody loves

I'm untouchable Unless you wear antiseptical gloves

So what? I'm a punk

A kratunkulous schnunk

Nobody loves me

Not one tiny hunk

I'm a punk

Kratunkulous schnunk?

A shutunkulous cat.

Incratchulous--

Out! Out! Out! Out!

Krinklefish, old fellow.

Your little fish nerves are so jumpy-wumpy.

Fishenstein, poor fellow.

Your little heart's going bumpy-wumpy.

Fishber, old fellow, I know exactly what you need.

You need a small tranquilizer.

You do. You do, indeed.

Poor troubled Krinklefish friend.

Just relax.

Close your eyes...

...for good old Uncle Cat will now proceed to tranquilize.

Beautiful kitten-fish, sleep, baby, sleep

Your eyelids are droopy

Bloop, bloop, bloop, bleep, bleep

The sandman on tip-toes Comes creep, creep, creep, creep

Hush your mouth, shush your mouth Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep

Safe in your beddy-bye Sweet dreams to you

With your teddy bear steady by

Bloo, bloo, bloo, bloo

Beautiful kitten-fish

Sleep, baby, sleep

Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop

Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep

You sure relaxed Mr. K.

He needed sweet sleep in his bad-addled brains.

But the problem of finding my moss-covered family gradunza remains.

Hmm. I need help. I most truly, fruly do.

In this box are my helpmates, Thing 1 and Thing 2.

From this box will emerge Thing 2 and Thing 1...

...and they can find anything under the sun.

It can be done

It can be done

They can do anything, anything, anything Under the sun

If your nerves are getting nervous And your house is topsy-turvus

They are always at your service

Thing 2 and Thing 1

Fish, fish, there's always one Some long-faced, sour-bellied son of a gun

There's always some fish, sour-bellied fish Whose only one wish is to flatten the fun

Doesn't like fun, doesn't like fun Good, clean, wholesome, innocent fun

FBI? FBI?

Listen, listen.

I am a fish residing at 2322 Magnolia Boulevard...

...and I want to report a cat in the hat.

FBI. FBI.

Somebody, please answer.

Where is everybody?

Sorry, that line is temporarily out of order.

There's some fish who doesn't like fun Good, clean, wholesome, innocent fun

They can find anything, anything Under the sun

This reactionary fish-faced louse Doesn't like flyin' kites in the house

They can find anything, anything Under the sun

Oh, bobbidit, bickety, bickety bores Kites, he thinks ought to fly outdoors

Thing 1 and Thing 2 Thing 2 and Thing 1

They can find anything, anything, anything Under the sun

Hello.

Thank you.

Twenty-two, 37, 43, 10, 67, 21, 14, eight, hike!

There's always some fish Some crotchety one

There's always Some fish, some blotchety one

There's always some fish Some sour-bellied fish

There's always some fish, some fish

If your nerves are getting nervous

And your house is topsy-turvus

They will both be at your service On the run

They'll find my long-lost, moss-covered Three-handled family gradunza

Thing 2 and Thing 1

Out. Out! Out of this house!

Out? Out?

Why, every house should have a cat in it.

-Curled up by the fireplace, a little warm-- -Out!

And take those things with you. Out.

Take the things?

Whoever heard of a house without things in it?

They're not things. They're-- They're--

And you're not a cat.

Whoever heard of a 6-foot cat?

But I am a cat.

Technically, I'm a cat in a hat.

You're not a cat in a hat. That's not a hat.

You're not a cat. You're a--

I am indeed a cat.

And this indeed is a hat.

In English, cat, hat In French, chat, chapeau

It really is quite obvious Don't you know?

In English, cat, hat In French, chat, chapeau

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq Here we go

I repeat.

Cat, hat, in French, chat, chapeau

In Spanish, el gato in a sombrero

He's a cat in a hat He's a chat in a chapeau

He also is a gato in a sombrero

Where were we? Oh, yes.

Cat, hat, in French, chat, chapeau

In Spanish, el gato in a sombrero

And I'll tell you something more Now you listen to me gut

In German I'm a katze und dies ist mein hut

Now, if you're in a receptive state of mind...

...I'll recapitulate.

Cat, hat, in French, chat, chapeau

In Spanish, el gato in a sombrero

In German, I'm a katze in a hut

And don't you know I'm a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo

You're a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk In Eskimo?

-Right. -He's a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo

Yes, indeedy, that is so

He's a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk in Eskimo

Now to be certain that I have this straight, I'll re-recapitulate.

Cat, hat, in French, chat, chapeau

Good.

In Spanish, you're a gato in a sombrero

In German, you're a katze in ein hut I also know

-Perfect. -You're a gwunka in a bunka-kwunk

In Eskimo

By George, I think he's got it.

If you will allow me, sir But please don't think I'm pushin'

I think that I can tell you what you are In, in, in Russian

Watch.

You're a shavkah in a shlyapah

Hey!

I am?

Why, that's splendid.

I'm a shavkah

In a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah I'm a shavkah in a shlyapah

I'm a shavkah--

That's enough of that. I'm a cat in a hat.

He's a cat of many countries

He's a cat of many hats

He's a guzzbee in a busby He's a shnerka in a snatz

And in Scotland, up in Scotland In bonny Scotland

In bonny Scotland I'm a: In a:

In bonny Scotland, he's a: In a:

In Switzerland, in Switzerland In Switzer-witzer-witzer

I'm a yodel-yodel-yodel In a yodel-ay-ee-hoo

He's a yodel-yodel-yodel In a yodel-ay-ee-hoo

And what am I in dear old Ireland?

Why, you're a cait in a kinnvheirt.

-And in Holland? -You're a-- Let me see.

-Oh, you're a kat in a hoed. -Glory be.

He's a cat of many countries

He's a cat of many hats

Many, many foreign countries And an awful lot of hats

In Boogoo-googoo, he's just darling He's a scoogoo in a swarling

He's a fahska in a fez

He's a wahska in a wez

Out in far-off Foda-foda I'm a perk in a pagoda

I'm a futz in a fedora How are things in Glocca Morra?

-What a cat -What a cat

-In a hat -In a hat

Your mother.

Mother?

Mother?

Thank you for a fascinating afternoon.

What do we do now?

She's passing Mrs. Blumberg's house.

Sweep

Sweep up the memories

Those old, untidy memories

Broken, mixed-up memories

Of what we had one day

She's passing Mrs. Thompson's house.

Sweep

Sweep out the nonsense

That crazy, happy nonsense

This world's too old for nonsense

Sweep

Just sweep it all away

Here she is, coming up the driveway.

Everything in a state of grace

Everything back in its proper place

No more rainbows for us to chase

No more games to play

Garage door's open. She's inside the garage.

Sweep out the laughter

There's no more time for laughter

At least not until after I come back

-She's taking her groceries out of the car. -You know?

Here she comes.

I just may

Hi, kids. Hope you had fun today.

Well, you kids will never believe this, but I could almost swear I saw a cat.

A cat in a hat, mind you, going down the street...

...with a moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza.