Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

♪ Can you read ♪

♪ What's in my mind ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Terrify my mind ♪

♪ Heavy breath ♪

♪ Passion in your eye ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ I just found the clue ♪

♪ It's alright ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I can see ♪

♪ What's in your head ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Merely just a man ♪

♪ Killer smile ♪

♪ Now I understand ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

♪ Shattered hopes and dreams all fall down ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Before the next watch the master will take over.

Then the power will be in our hands.

(speaking foreign language)

So the devil help us.

(suspenseful music)

Spirit of evil.

Dedicating ourselves to thee.

We give thanks.

- She'll buy the armor from Italy.

(shouting)

- Power is now in these hands, madam.

But you will be given a choice.

To play or die.

- Cards do not always hold the truth.

- Go again.

- Still, you must choose.

But beware.

One of the fruits is poisoned

and if you choose it the cards will indeed hold the truth.

(laughing)

- Oh no.

- I gave your husband his power on condition

that he in turn give me his soul.

But he betrayed me.

Now he is dead whilst I and my evil powers live on.

I demand the conditions of our agreement be met

and I claim the soul of your unborn child

and I cast the spell on him and his offspring

for generations to come.

(speaking foreign language)

So the devil help me.

(dramatic music)

(siren wailing)

- Adam!

Hi.

Oh what a wind.

Adam do up your coat!

- It isn't that cold.

- Adam I am cold looking at you.

Just do up your coat.

- Barbara look you are not my mother

and I am not a child.

- Yes but if you get sick who is going

to look after you?

Come on it's almost five, we're gonna be late for the game.

- I wouldn't worry about that.

The guys are never on time anyway.

Besides, your father told me to pick up the costumes

at WR Films before five and bring 'em right back

for cleaning.

- Adam? - What?

- The strangest thing happened to me today.

We were in the operating room.

I reached for the scalpel and suddenly it was a dagger

like the one we use in the game.

Just for a second it...

(mysterious music)

- It is only just a game, Barbara.

- Yes I know I realize that.

I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm just tired,

I'm seeing things.

- Well maybe not.

I get that feeling sometimes.

It's hard to say where the game begins or life ends.

Sometimes I feel like one of those figurines on the board.

- Adam.

- What?

- The weirdest part is that all of a sudden

the sight of blood really gives me the creeps.

- The curtain of a hearse.

- I know. - Makes me sick.

Damn, it's already past five.

Your father's gonna have a fit if he doesn't

get to the cleaners, let's go.

- Where the hell have you been?

(coughing)

I had to call Miller's Cleaners three times

to keep the store open and wait for me.

- Well I was just trying--

- Papa it was my fault.

- Come on, give it here.

- Mr. Sluszarczuk, how do I look?

- Good.

You look good, Mrs. Sullivan.

But you need a little tiara to make the image more real.

Barbara and Adam will help you find a suitable one.

- Everybody says I look very young.

I danced in Swan Lake when I was in junior high

and that was back in 1919.

Just after World War I.

- There.

You look lovely, very beautiful Mrs. Sullivan!

- I know.

I know.

My boyfriend tells me that and he's 17 years

younger than I am.

- Sorry, are we set to go?

- Okay, it's your turn.

Roll, Adam. - Okay.

- What character you wanna be?

- I wanna play the warlock.

- Great choice, Adam.

(rolling dice)

You got 180 IQ.

12 common sense.

18 stamina.

- And a seven charisma.

That's the highest score I've ever seen.

You couldn't have done much better than that, Adam.

(mysterious music)

- Did anybody see that red light?

- What red light?

- Forget it, just forget it.

Now I am the warlock.

(speaking foreign language)

- Look Adam, the guy is nuts!

- Dave, your turn to roll.

(rolling dice)

(mysterious music)

Barbara, what are you doing under the table?

- I've got a rash on my ankle and it's itching.

I don't know what it is.

- I get an itch sometimes too but not on my ankle

and I know how to cure it.

(laughing)

- You're a pig.

- Alright, let's wrap up the game.

- Chuck, can't you use some other finger

like maybe the middle one?

(coughing)

- Holy smoke!

I hope you're not barbecuing my daughter.

Is the game over yet?

- Yeah.

- Remember Adam, tomorrow night we supply

all the costumes for the talent show

at the junior college.

I left a list on the counter.

You can assemble it first thing in the morning.

You will outfit the boys and Barbara

will give a hand to the girls.

- Can I give a hand to the girls too?

- Jake will you stop?

(laughing)

- Let's go home now Barbara.

Anybody else need a ride?

- Only if I can sit with Barbara in the backseat.

- Well, goodnight everybody.

Adam, don't forget to lock up.

- I won't.

(speaking foreign language)

(mysterious music)

(murmuring)

- [Man] Hey this fly doesn't zip up.

I don't believe it, no dress rehearsal.

This low budget crap wouldn't buy a bag of bird shit.

- If this is what it's like for starving artists

I swear to God I'm going to IBM tomorrow.

- Oh shut up you two.

If you guys went to the zoo they'd try to feed you.

(laughs)

(mysterious music)

(cheering and shouting)

(suspenseful music)

(clears throat)

- Nn nnn.

(suspenseful music)

- Beat it.

(laughing)

(microphone feedback squealing)

- Are we on, hello?

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, friends and students

of Trottelville Junior College.

My name is Harvey Frank and it's my pleasure

to be your handsome MC for the evening.

(chuckles nervously)

I'm the one who'll be introducing the acts.

So without further ado, I'd like to present right now

that great master of illusion,

the first and the best, the one and the only,

Simco the Magician.

Followed by Hush the Lush, oh jeez.

(laughing)

Excuse me.

Beat two eggs until foamy.

(laughing) Excuse me.

Simco.

Excuse me.

(applauding)

(mysterious music)

(applauding)

- Adam.

- Hi there.

Listen, I've got a raccoon in my pants,

would you like to set it free?

- Oh shut up Michael.

- Hey Barbara wanna see why they call me BJ?

(laughing)

- You're full of hot air, you know that?

- Yeah?

Wanna watch me suck a Greyhound bus through a straw?

- Adam, have you seen the magician?

The guy is unbelievable, really, he is fantastic.

You know what he did?

He made one of the girl's robes disappear just like that.

(snaps)

Come on.

(applauding)

(laughing)

(mysterious music)

(applauding)

- The great Simco!

Where is Simco? (mysterious music)

Oh well nevermind.

(chuckles nervously)

And now ladies and gentlemen, from the gifted pen

of Sam Ribikoff of Mrs. Minsky's English class

we will now be treated to a Medieval love story

titled Inside the Love Nest.

Ooh. (applauding)

- Oh how awful of Florence's parents

not to allow her to return my love.

(murmuring)

- Meryl Streep.

She doesn't have half of what I have.

- You're right, she has to get by on her talent.

- For Christ sake move that gorgeous ass

before you miss your cue.

Jesus, dumb broads.

- Men.

- Alas my love, my Florence.

Wither art thou?

If only thou knew that I am not a mere page

but the son of the king of Moravia.

I have a confession to make, my love.

I am not a poor page, but the son of the king of Moravia.

What's wrong?

- Oh shucks my beloved.

Your dad is the worst enemy of my father.

He will never permit us to marry.

But we will be together even if it means a death

in the family.

My servant Piccolo will bring the horses,

we will ride to the castle

and have a word with my daddy.

Piccolo, Piccolo!

How silly of me, I gave Piccolo the day off.

(laughing)

(applauding)

- Where the hell is that goddamn yoyo who plays Piccolo?

- I don't know, maybe he's in the cafeteria.

- Adam you'll have to save my ass.

Here, throw this costume on and get onstage

and I'll tell you what to do in a second.

Don't worry, it's not a speaking part.

Listen, hurry up, will ya?

- Hey wait a second!

Amateurs.

- What is that?

- That is a fig leaf. - Oh, can we smoke it?

- I wouldn't if I were you, Dolly.

That is Carmen's costume for the Garden of Eden scene.

- Well that bitch.

She just loves to show the naked truth.

- Dolly will you just hold still please?

Thank you.

- Daddy, you must permit me to marry my beloved.

Uh oh, Piccolo, you came back early from your vacation.

(laughing)

- My beloved daughter, we can never allow you

to marry our insidious enemy.

The prince of Moravia will never be a member

of our royal family.

I'd rather die.

- You got it, pops.

(dramatic music)

- Now we will live

happily ever after. - Happily ever after.

(applauding)

That was great Bob, wasn't it?

If it weren't for that shithead Piccolo

everything would have been just perfect.

- Carmen, your mother's waiting for you downstairs.

I think she has something for you.

- Okay, I'll be back in a second.

(mysterious music)

- [Man] What the hell?

- [Man] Jesus man, check the fuse box.

(suspenseful music)

- Hi Mom, what's up?

Oh thanks, I forgot all about the body oil.

(water running)

(playful music)

(applauding)

- After this performance of Trottelville's

magnificent marching band and before the creation

of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden,

it is my immense pleasure to present Gina Carolini,

the exchange student from Palermo.

(audience catcalling)

Ah, the wonder of Italy.

How one country can turn out such tiny little cars

and such enormous women.

(applauding)

(tambourine shaking)

(singing in foreign language)

- Shh.

(Italian dance music)

(laughing)

(applauding)

(Italian dance music)

(suspenseful music)

- He thinks he's god-- - Okay girls, let's move it.

Come on!

(mysterious music)

- Could someone rub some oil on my back?

I can't reach it.

(suspenseful music)

Mm.

- What in the hell are you doing in here,

you lecherous creep?

Get outta here!

- Who was that Dolly, a man?

I thought it was one of you girls.

- Oh no, it was just one of them clowns in costume.

But I didn't recognize him.

Do you need some more help?

- No thanks, I think I'm fine.

I just need my fig leaf. - Alright.

(mysterious music)

- I just don't know.

The lord forbade us to eat the fruits from this tree.

- [Snake] Don't be a schmuck Eve.

He's just pushing you around.

You're a liberated woman.

You can think for yourself.

Besides, do you really think he's gonna kick you out

just for eating an apple?

You're hungry, so eat.

(suspenseful music)

(speaking foreign language)

(thunder rumbling) (wind blowing)

- I just felt so damn helpless.

There was an 18 year old girl going into convulsions

and dying of a heart attack before my very eyes.

I'm a nurse and there was nothing I could do about it!

- I saw it quite differently.

There was a big snake.

(bell rings)

- Hi, we're Mr. and Mrs. Bull.

Can you show us where we can find

some bunny costumes please?

- Uh yes, there's some in the row just over there.

I'm not sure we have any in your size though.

- Oh, we can squeeze into anything.

Can't we Ralphie?

(mysterious music)

- Something strange is going on, Adam.

- I think so too.

- Do you ever go into a room for the first time

and yet somehow recognize it as if you'd been there before?

- That happens to me.

It's almost as if I've lived other lives before this one.

It's so confusing.

I'm seeing things and I don't know if they're real

or if I'm just imagining them.

I don't understand myself anymore.

- Maybe a psychologist would help.

- Oh come on Barbara, they're all full of bull.

- Did he say bull? - I believe he did honey.

- I don't trust any psychologist.

- Oh, this is bothering me.

Adam wait.

I have an idea.

I know a fortune teller. - Oh come on.

- No really, I do.

And I've been to her before so I know she's good.

So what do you say?

Is it worth 20 bucks to you?

- I dunno.

- Well, how do we look?

- Very realistic.

You should go to Hollywood.

The walk'll do you good.

(laughing)

- You're so funny!

- I'll tell you what I'm gonna phone Madame Kardos

right now and make an appointment for you after work okay

because I think she can really help.

(mysterious music)

Well.

This is it.

Good luck.

Adam.

Relax.

Okay, talk to you later, bye bye.

- May I have the payment please?

- $20, right?

- May I see your driver's license?

(snaps)

One oh nine three--

- Eight.

- One oh eight three eight four eight.

(cuckoo clock chiming)

Barbara told me over the phone that you

have been experiencing a certain confusion.

I cannot cure that, you understand.

But I might be able to shed some light

on your inner problems so you would

better understand yourself.

Let me see.

Hmm.

Your father's name was Jeremy.

(mysterious music)

- How did you know that?

He's been dead for 18 years.

- You lost your eyesight for two days

when you fell from a swing at age four and a half.

You have a small wart under your left armpit.

Give me your hands and concentrate on these cards.

Oh no!

Not Adam.

May I call you Adam?

Your life is a puzzle only the devil can solve.

But good if you are lucky.

(dramatic music)

(screams)

- Hold it!

Hands above your head, now!

Don't move.

Okay.

Put your hands behind your head.

Now turn around real slow.

Surprised to see me here? - Oh it's you Frank.

- He's done it again Sheila.

- Where did he do it this time, Frank?

- [Frank] In the bathroom, Sheila.

- [Sheila] Oh good, Frank.

- [Frank] Oh god this is hard but he did it

in the sink, Sheila.

- [Sheila] I see.

Well I must go now and clean my sink, goodbye Frank.

Don't try to follow me.

- [Frank] I'll miss you kid.

- We are two wild and crazy knights.

(laughing)

Where are the maidens?

- Will you sit down and play you wishful studs?

You know what they say.

Dog that barks never bites.

(barking)

- Alright.

I have a new scenario for you.

There is a girl somewhere near

who is gaining enormous powers.

A high level sorcerer wants to hire you to kill her.

- Who is she?

- A sorceress dressed in white.

- Like a bride.

- Or a nurse.

- Maybe her.

- No, she's one of us.

And anyway Barbara is a magic nymph.

The sorcerer will offer 100,000 pieces of gold

to find the white clad woman and kill her.

(mysterious music)

Adam, you are right behind her.

You want to drop back one step.

- I guess.

(dramatic music)

(siren wailing)

(mysterious music)

- [Man] A sorceress dressed in white.

Kill her.

- Well hi Evelyn, what are you doing here on a Saturday?

Can't stay away from bedpans, blood, patients' complaints?

- Nn nnn, I'm covering for Lynn

and I'm only working one hour.

- Well you're damned lucky.

I'm working my ass off on a 10 hour shift.

- Oh poor you.

(phone ringing)

(mysterious music)

- May I help you sir? - Huh?

- Are you visiting somebody?

- No, I, uh...

I'd like to speak to Barbara Sluszarczuk.

- Are you her boyfriend?

- No, no I work for her father.

Excuse me.

- Doctor, please don't, stop!

Stop don't, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop!

(moaning)

Oh doctor you're the best.

In this room at this time.

- [Reporter] Where the usually peaceful Trottelville

has been hit by two sudden and unexplained deaths

in the past two days.

The first was an 18 year old girl who died

of a heart attack on stage during a junior college

theatrical performance.

Madame Kardos, the established fortune teller,

also died of heart failure.

Neither party had a history of heart ailments,

therefore autopsies and further investigations

will continue.

Based on conflicting testimonies,

(mysterious music)

homicide is suspected but there is no conclusive evidence.

(gasps)

If you have any information phone 911--

- Doctor you scared the wits out of me.

- [Reporter] Trottelville's--

- Until next time, sweetheart.

(chuckles)

(coughing)

(mysterious music)

- [Woman] Barbara Sluszarczuk, come to your nursing station.

Barbara Sluszarczuk.

- Yes Zelda what is it?

- Oh, there was someone looking for you

from your father's store.

Good looking. - Adam.

Where is he?

- I don't know.

Oh wait a minute, he went to the john.

- Zelda look I'm right in the middle of a staff meeting,

I don't really have time to stick around.

Tell him if he needs something leave me a note

and I'll be in touch with him later, okay?

Thanks.

- Aye aye captain.

(mysterious music)

(screams)

- Oh doctor!

Please help me, somebody's after me, please.

- There's nobody here.

Just be calm.

- Sure beats Valium don't it doctor?

(laughing)

- Excuse me, I didn't know.

- [Man] Angel I told you those cabanas they're gonna

eat you alive!

- [Woman] Dr. Chester.

Dr. Beckstein.

Dr. Watt.

Dr. Barry.

- Heart attack?

(mysterious music)

- Are you hurt?

- Just my ego.

- Turn around, show me your ass.

- Pardon me?

- Listen you can't go out in public like this

but I could give you a ride.

Or maybe you already have someone who can clean you up.

You know.

Granny, wife, nanny, girlfriend?

Not even a girlfriend.

Well I guess I'll have to take you home with me.

Come on.

- Adam!

(sighs)

Adam.

(mysterious music)

- Since I'm ironing I might as well do my uniform.

Gets so wrinkled under all the patients' hands, you know?

You know Adam, it's a match made in heaven.

And since fate brought us together,

well, maybe we should

do something about it.

- Can I have my pants back now?

- What? - My pants.

Please.

- Uh sure.

I thought you were also going to ask me

if you could take your shorts off.

Here you go.

Adam.

I know it's kind of a delicate question, but are you gay?

- No I'm not gay.

I just feel uncomfortable.

That's all.

- Oh.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh I know.

You like to play games, don't you?

Alright.

Let's pretend that I'm the mommy

and you're the good little boy.

Now mommy will take good care of her good little boy.

She'll cover him up with his big white blanket

and she'll play with him underneath this big white blanket.

And soon he'll love her and then

she's going to show him her enormous skills.

- [Man] There's a girl who's gaining enormous powers.

(dramatic music) - What's the matter?

Adam.

It's just a game.

You're crazy!

You're nuts, Adam!

(spraying)

(bell ringing)

(organ music)

(raven caws)

(speaking foreign language)

- Memory of our beloved Peter shall remain with us forever--

(firing)

Holy shit.

I thought they forecast sunny weather.

Forever and ever, amen.

(mysterious music)

(dramatic music)

- Don't they have any respect for the dead?

Oh!

They think it's a Rolling Stone concert.

Stupid assholes.

(organ music)

(dramatic music)

(raven caws)

- Wait a minute, why don't we finish

the scenario we started last time?

- What is that?

- That is the proof that I have accomplished my task.

I took care of the white sorceress,

thereby eliminating her enormous powers.

(chuckles)

- Really?

And did you have a good time doing it?

- We should all be paid 100,000 gold pieces now.

- What's wrong with you man?

Why don't you wake up?

- What is this?

(mysterious music)

- That, that is a swatch of material

I took from the sorceress's gown.

- Adam, this is not funny.

(laughing)

- You tore her breast pocket, you sleazeoid.

(mysterious music)

(bell dings)

- Oh, hello.

May I help you?

- I hope so.

I need a costume for a party tonight.

I'm looking for something chic, revealing,

but not vulgar and not too contemporary.

Do you know what I mean?

- Ah yes, you're looking for something Medieval possibly,

14th century worn by women of the court.

- Yes, that would be fine.

As you can see I have some nice features

I'd like to show off.

- Oh gosh it's 5:30 already.

I've gotta run to a meeting but we have

another clerk here who'd be more than happy to serve you.

Adam! - What?

- Adam could you come out here please?

- A man in ladies fashions?

- He has excellent taste.

Adam, this lovely lady would like a sensuous

14th century costume.

Do you think you could help her?

- Gladly.

- Alright well good luck and bye bye.

- Bye bye.

Please follow me.

- Well?

- Now that looks fantastic.

Do you think maybe you could stay a couple of moments

and we can experiment with some accessories?

- Sure, I can wait.

My party doesn't start til nine o'clock.

I have plenty of time.

By the way, I've heard that people going to costume parties

often express their secret dreams in

the mask they choose to wear.

Do you think that's true?

- I don't know.

As a matter of fact we do rent a lot of masks of

Nixon and Fidel Castro.

(giggles)

Tell me.

What's your dream?

What would you like to be?

- Sarah Bernhardt.

- In that costume?

- No, but I saw a movie about her once.

She was wearing a costume just like this

and she killed several people with a hat pin like this.

(dramatic music)

- We just might have something in the back

from Sarah Bernhardt's time.

Don't go away.

I'll be right back.

(mysterious music)

(stabbing)

- Alright.

Let's get on with the new session.

Barbara?

You still got that rash?

- Hey Adam.

Are you gonna butcher some chick in this session too?

Well maybe you could prove it

by bringing us some white and dark meat.

(laughing)

- Enough!

You are challenged by the apostles of hell.

- What do they want?

- You've been asked to leave the castle.

- And if I don't?

- They'll kill you.

- So what are they up to in general?

- They are trying to enlist new members

in order to gain more power.

- How can we recognize them?

(mysterious music) - This is their sign.

- [Jake] So how do we handle them?

- Slay them.

Violently.

One after another.

- [Barbara] And if we don't?

- They'll do it to you.

- [Adam] Who's their leader?

- The devil himself.

- Where can we find him?

- At the Villa Evil.

- How do I get in?

- Say skullduggery.

(raven caws)

- Your invitation please.

- Mr. Adam Burton? - Right.

- Whoa now.

What's the password?

- Skullduggery.

Can I go now? - Sure.

- Right this way please.

- Welcome.

Mr. Burton.

I'm Dr. Evil.

Where is your costume?

- I brought several of my own.

Is there somewhere I can change?

- You'll find the door on the right marked wardrobe.

You won't be disturbed.

- I'm the only virgin at this party.

But men are afraid of innocence.

(dramatic music)

♪ Can you read ♪

♪ What's in my mind ♪

- Do you really think it's possible to see into the future?

- Of course.

♪ Skullduggery ♪

To the past, the present is the future.

- And to the future, the present is the past.

- Therefore, if the present is both

future and past, we live in both dimensions simultaneously.

♪ It's a knife ♪

♪ Behind your back ♪

Could you please deflate your tits?

♪ I'm so alive ♪

♪ Now it's buried in my soul ♪

♪ Now it's buried in my soul ♪

♪ Skullduggery ♪

- I know you from somewhere, guys.

- Well?

- Are you two related?

- Of course we are.

- Preppy? - Sure.

- From Boston?

- [Both] You bet Buffy!

- So you must be the Brooks Brothers!

- Tell me Mr. Burton, what fantasy would you least expect

to find realized tonight?

- Innocence.

- Allow me.

- Hi, I'm Irene!

Who are you?

An apple?

Should I turn off the lights?

(giggles)

- [Man] Slay them violently one after another.

- [Barbara] And if we don't?

- [Man] They'll do the same to you.

(giggling)

(hitting) (dramatic music)

(playful music)

(dramatic music)

- Oh he's divine, a dream.

Intelligent, well-groomed, considerate, and handsome.

Oh Janet is he handsome!

- Sounds like a real prince charming.

What does he do for a living?

- He's with IBM.

There he is.

My lover.

- Ladies and gentlemen, would you kindly

give your attention to Karen, our beautiful

and gifted ballerina.

(mysterious music)

(fire crackling)

- Hey.

There's a fire.

Ugh.

This oven is on fire.

You open it.

- Ow, it's hot!

- It's a metal handle, you need potholders.

(coughing)

- [Man] Oh wow a roller skate man.

A pair.

(laughing)

(murmuring)

- Mr. Burton.

Have you met our special ambassador?

- Do you belong, brother?

- He alone belongs who can find his way

out of the labyrinth.

- I have the key to the gate.

- You have the sign?

- The sign is within her.

Follow her, my son.

- You can call me Adam.

- Follow her Adam.

I believe you'll find it rewarding.

- I believe in only what I see.

And it's not bad.

- Don't deceive yourself.

You see nothing but the surface.

- Join us.

And you'll experience the utmost ecstasy.

There are only two ultimates in life.

Money and power.

Power and money.

Join us.

Be our brother.

Take a sip of darah.

- What's darah?

- Darah means blood in Indonesian.

- You guys are really international, aren't you?

(dramatic music)

Alright, I'll drink it.

But first I want you.

In the dark.

- I want you too, my brother.

(mysterious music)

(speaking foreign language)

(steam hissing) (screaming)

(light music)

- Ooh my knight in shining armor.

Let me see what you look like.

Somebody get me a can opener, quick!

- Just for you.

Just follow me to meet the other brothers.

- You know I've had my eye on you all night girl.

Let's get that Hawaiian ass of yours over here.

- Let go of me! - Shut up!

Now you show me some of those

famous Hawaiian moves of yours.

- Pin her Zack, I'm gonna do her.

- Help me!

(dramatic music) (groaning)

- [Man] Har har hardy har.

Hi, you've just called dial a guffaw.

Hey, what do you call a person who can't read

in two languages?

A bilingual illiterate.

(laughs)

Wasn't that a good one?

Okay, here's another one.

Okay this is good.

These two yaks--

- This is for all those little bastards

that ruined my Halloween this year.

Me and my boyfriend had to have coitus interruptus

15 times.

(suspenseful music)

Next year I'll be prepared.

Have a little trick or treat for them.

(phone ringing)

- Quick, assemble, all of you!

The master is calling, respond at once.

- Put the apple down.

Now.

Just come with me.

Quietly.

Just through the door.

(door creaks)

(suspenseful music)

(door creaks)

(cat yowling)

(breaks)

(shouts) (screaming)

- She's alright, she's just in shock.

- Perhaps we have been imagining things.

Take her upstairs Helen and give her some whiskey.

(murmuring)

- You're right, we are imagining things.

It's skullduggery.

A perfect deceit.

Or we're stoned.

(laughing)

(mysterious music)

(murmuring)

- Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce

an extraordinary performer.

The warlock.

- I need an assistant.

Perhaps you, my lady.

And you, madame?

(suspenseful music)

(singing in foreign language)

(blasts)

(dramatic music)

(mysterious music)

(blasts)

- Give me the police.

(mysterious music)

(shutter clicking) (humming)

- Would you please take off that ridiculous mask?

- Chief.

I found the killer.

- Precisely, Watson.

If that's your real name.

- This man is not the killer.

- He's got blood all over him!

- Elementary, my dear Watson.

- It isn't blood.

It's ketchup.

- He's right.

Then we've got the wrong guy!

- Brilliant conclusion, chief.

- I happen to know who the murderer is.

- And how do you know?

- He left his business card in the dressing room.

Adam Burton, Sluszarczuk Costume House,

93 Mill Street, Trottelville.

You want his phone number too?

(mysterious music)

- Go!

We know you're in here Adam Burton.

Come out with your hands above your head and surrender!

(gun fires)

(suspenseful music)

(groaning)

- Nice.

I'll get him.

(suspenseful music)

- [Man] And I cast a spell upon him and his offspring

for generations to come.

(speaking foreign language)

So the devil help me.

(groaning)

- You take care of Haring.

I'm going after that son of a bitch.

- No don't!

He might kill you.

Let's go together.

- Alright, take care of Haring first.

- What if he escapes?

(sighs)

- I'll get him even if I have to go to hell.

(suspenseful music)

- Oh my god.

- Alright, stay where you are Burton, don't move!

No Jones, don't shoot!

- Ah you're not gonna kill me you bastard!

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music)

Go ahead, I'll cover you.

(sinister playful music)

Holy cow!

- This is impossible.

I mean how the hell can he vanish into thin air,

and those other crazy stories?

What's going on here?

- Don't forget that Adam was a warlock

of the first order of power.

Or possessed by the devil.

- Come on Chuck, you can't be serious.

You don't believe this crap, it's just a game.

- I don't believe he's gone.

- We shall give Adam one final honor.

He shall play this game with us one more time.

Now all the figurines are on neutral territory.

We start all over again.

And we shall let Adam roll for the first character.

We shall make an exception this one time.

(suspenseful music)

(dice roll)

He is still with us.

He is present, I can feel it.

(screaming)

(mysterious music)

(playful music)