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1
00:00:00,445 --> 00:00:02,345
Last season on "You Me Her"...
2
00:00:02,380 --> 00:00:03,777
It's really happening.
3
00:00:03,801 --> 00:00:05,535
It is our two-month anniversary.
4
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:07,214
The things I'm gonna do
to you when we get home...
5
00:00:07,238 --> 00:00:08,882
Uh, so, this is a bit awkward, but
6
00:00:08,906 --> 00:00:10,739
you postponed the last
two scheduled signings,
7
00:00:10,775 --> 00:00:12,886
and I just want to make sure
that we're still on for Monday.
8
00:00:12,910 --> 00:00:15,077
Yep. Tell Kylie and pop some corks.
9
00:00:15,112 --> 00:00:17,613
Are you sure that you
left for the right reasons?
10
00:00:17,649 --> 00:00:19,648
And you're still getting divorced Monday
11
00:00:19,684 --> 00:00:21,650
- and driving back to Seattle?
- Yes.
12
00:00:21,686 --> 00:00:24,319
I texted Emma that Jack and I
would be out of the loft all day
13
00:00:24,354 --> 00:00:26,399
so she could come deal with all
the shit that we've been storing.
14
00:00:26,423 --> 00:00:27,756
Did Izzy not know you'd be here?
15
00:00:27,792 --> 00:00:28,902
Of course she knew I'd be here.
16
00:00:28,926 --> 00:00:30,625
I think she wants us to scream
17
00:00:30,661 --> 00:00:32,761
and throws things at each other.
18
00:00:32,797 --> 00:00:34,997
What the fuck?
19
00:00:35,032 --> 00:00:37,098
What the three of us
did here was special.
20
00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:38,511
I told you, Izzy, this was a mistake.
21
00:00:38,535 --> 00:00:40,302
If you walk out that door, don't call.
22
00:00:40,337 --> 00:00:41,603
You are dead to me.
23
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,475
Well, congratulations. You're pregnant.
24
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,143
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
25
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,244
You have a right to know.
26
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,846
Why is she here again?
27
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,014
She was at a meeting.
28
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,049
So why is my Spidey sense screaming
29
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,395
that something weird's going down?
30
00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:55,186
What the fuck are you doing here?
31
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,889
Yellow roses, the
official flower of apology.
32
00:00:59,359 --> 00:01:01,392
Em, what really matters
is, what do you want?
33
00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:02,626
I want this baby.
34
00:01:02,661 --> 00:01:04,595
And I want my husband. And Izzy.
35
00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:05,640
- ... glad that you'll be...
- Iz!
36
00:01:05,664 --> 00:01:06,664
- What?!
- I'm pregnant.
37
00:01:06,665 --> 00:01:08,165
And I'm keeping it.
38
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,267
I'm aware of how acutely
fucked up this must seem.
39
00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:12,347
And seven months ago, I
would've thought the same thing.
40
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:14,070
She is never gonna feel permanent
41
00:01:14,106 --> 00:01:16,273
in your world with your kid.
42
00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:18,420
Actually, that's exactly what we
were discussing on the way home.
43
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:19,843
We wanna make it official.
44
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:22,112
Wouldn't be my first
Poly Commitment Ceremony.
45
00:01:22,147 --> 00:01:24,147
If any one of us tries to leave again,
46
00:01:24,182 --> 00:01:25,949
there's no coming back.
47
00:01:25,984 --> 00:01:29,552
I hereby now pronounce
you spiritually, soulfully,
48
00:01:29,587 --> 00:01:33,456
and lovingly committed to
one another forever and ever.
49
00:01:33,491 --> 00:01:35,358
Whoo!
50
00:02:32,448 --> 00:02:35,583
Ah. Oh.
51
00:02:35,618 --> 00:02:38,285
Dear God, why is it so bright?
52
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,020
It's called morning.
53
00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:42,756
Happens almost every day here
in lovely Hawthorne Heights.
54
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:45,459
What do you say we, uh,
break this little sex slump
55
00:02:45,495 --> 00:02:47,027
before the nausea kicks in?
56
00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:48,862
- Okay.
- Mm, too late.
57
00:02:48,897 --> 00:02:50,030
Mm.
58
00:02:50,065 --> 00:02:51,865
Just, um, start without me!
59
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,633
Ugh.
60
00:02:53,668 --> 00:02:56,436
So, our pregnant wife
just told us to have sex
61
00:02:56,472 --> 00:02:57,983
while listening to her barf.
62
00:02:58,007 --> 00:02:59,873
I've never been so aroused.
63
00:02:59,908 --> 00:03:02,009
Come closer and bring your penis.
64
00:03:04,013 --> 00:03:05,845
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
65
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,060
You look nice.
66
00:03:21,095 --> 00:03:22,361
Thank you.
67
00:03:22,397 --> 00:03:24,463
Ooh. Watch out for these.
68
00:03:24,499 --> 00:03:27,566
- That's a household calamity waiting to happen.
- My boots?
69
00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:30,102
- How the hell did those get there?
- I don't know.
70
00:03:30,138 --> 00:03:31,803
You think maybe, like, a burglar came in
71
00:03:31,839 --> 00:03:34,740
and tried on your boots and
then used your toothbrush?
72
00:03:34,775 --> 00:03:36,086
It's the only thing I can think of.
73
00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:37,743
Very funny. Should we change the locks?
74
00:03:37,778 --> 00:03:39,177
Poor baby maker.
75
00:03:39,212 --> 00:03:40,812
I'll get you tea.
76
00:03:40,848 --> 00:03:43,248
Okay, I am officially the
anchor in this relationship.
77
00:03:43,283 --> 00:03:44,750
Just, you know, cut me loose.
78
00:03:44,785 --> 00:03:46,317
I won't be bitter.
79
00:03:46,353 --> 00:03:49,621
That's nonsense, honey. You
are the wind and the sails.
80
00:03:49,657 --> 00:03:51,489
God, at least soothe me credibly.
81
00:03:51,525 --> 00:03:52,969
- That was pretty good.
- Hey, you know,
82
00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:55,626
there's more to life
than sex, weed, and booze.
83
00:03:55,662 --> 00:03:57,262
No way.
84
00:03:57,297 --> 00:03:59,075
I know. It sounded very
strange to me, too, but...
85
00:03:59,099 --> 00:04:01,266
exhibit "A." Iz, that's really sweet,
86
00:04:01,301 --> 00:04:02,534
but you must be so bored.
87
00:04:02,569 --> 00:04:04,202
I mean, good thing you work downtown
88
00:04:04,237 --> 00:04:06,049
so you can grab a drink
with Shaun and Nina, right?
89
00:04:06,073 --> 00:04:07,372
Yeah. Totally.
90
00:04:07,407 --> 00:04:10,041
Besides, traffic is a real bitch
91
00:04:10,077 --> 00:04:11,787
when I get off my shift at
Directions, so it works out.
92
00:04:11,811 --> 00:04:12,944
- Yeah.
- Mm.
93
00:04:12,979 --> 00:04:14,344
And sometimes it stays bitchy
94
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:16,614
till, what, like, 2:07,
3:00 in the morning,
95
00:04:16,649 --> 00:04:18,583
- depending on the night?
- Yeah.
96
00:04:18,618 --> 00:04:20,629
Wait a minute. So you're saying
that a burglar didn't come in
97
00:04:20,653 --> 00:04:22,364
and use her boots and her toothbrush?
98
00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:25,364
So, have you guys just been getting
your jollies off at my expense?
99
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,458
Hey, babe, seriously,
just do your thing.
100
00:04:27,493 --> 00:04:29,037
Actually, we all need to do our things.
101
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,461
Yep.
102
00:04:30,496 --> 00:04:31,839
We're talking about masturbation, right?
103
00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:34,476
Uh, I've been doing some research,
104
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:35,940
and it is becoming glaringly obvious
105
00:04:35,968 --> 00:04:38,102
that we're doing poly, like, all wrong.
106
00:04:38,137 --> 00:04:39,948
Did you know that trying
to do everything in threes,
107
00:04:39,972 --> 00:04:43,340
especially sex, is a poly foul?
108
00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,341
That's very clever. Thank you.
109
00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:46,876
But please don't ever do it again.
110
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,511
So this mean you guys are cool
111
00:04:48,546 --> 00:04:51,214
with me meeting Nathan
Malik for happy hour?
112
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,983
- Nathan from Hawthorne School?
- Yeah.
113
00:04:53,018 --> 00:04:54,550
He went through a nasty divorce,
114
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,064
and I figured I could
give him some support.
115
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,386
Plus, Dave's not around.
116
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,089
He's on his stupid book tour, so...
117
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:01,502
Yeah, I guess you don't really
have that many guy friends, huh?
118
00:05:01,526 --> 00:05:03,593
- Yes, I do.
- Who?
119
00:05:03,628 --> 00:05:04,827
- Uh, guy friends?
- Mm.
120
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:05,973
- Dave.
- Yeah, you have Dave.
121
00:05:05,997 --> 00:05:07,530
- He's a good friend.
- Yeah.
122
00:05:07,565 --> 00:05:09,376
Yeah, but didn't he just,
like, come along with Carmen?
123
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,468
Like, buy this now and get this
furry little rascal for free?
124
00:05:12,504 --> 00:05:14,670
And G... Gabe.
125
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,972
Well, he's... he's your brother,
126
00:05:17,008 --> 00:05:18,852
- so that's different.
- And a friend. Very good friend.
127
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:21,877
Now there's Nathan.
128
00:05:21,912 --> 00:05:25,380
Um, so, the baby doc
appointment is Tuesday, right?
129
00:05:25,415 --> 00:05:26,481
Yeah, the ninth.
130
00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:27,650
- What, the ninth?
- Yeah.
131
00:05:27,685 --> 00:05:28,862
- T... today is the ninth.
- Shit.
132
00:05:28,886 --> 00:05:30,252
Yeah, how is it Tuesday already?
133
00:05:30,287 --> 00:05:31,932
- We got to get going, guys. Come on.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:33,357 --> 00:05:34,722
It's Helen Wilberg.
135
00:05:36,026 --> 00:05:37,526
Hello, Helen.
136
00:05:37,561 --> 00:05:40,595
No, we're s... We're definitely
still interested, so...
137
00:05:42,399 --> 00:05:44,666
Okay. Well, thank you for the heads-up.
138
00:05:44,701 --> 00:05:46,234
We... We will. Great.
139
00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:47,902
Shit.
140
00:05:47,937 --> 00:05:49,937
- That is not optimal.
- What?
141
00:05:49,973 --> 00:05:52,073
Somebody put a full-price
offer on this house.
142
00:05:52,108 --> 00:05:54,075
She's gonna do us a landlord solid
143
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:55,910
and give us 72 hours to match it.
144
00:05:55,945 --> 00:05:57,912
Looks like the Hawthorne
Heights decision window
145
00:05:57,947 --> 00:06:00,815
- just got a whole lot smaller.
- Mm.
146
00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:02,216
Yeah.
147
00:06:02,251 --> 00:06:03,663
Could this morning
be any more stressful?
148
00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:04,687
Dude!
149
00:06:04,688 --> 00:06:05,853
Ooh, don't say that.
150
00:06:05,889 --> 00:06:07,421
Guys, that's not a thing.
151
00:06:07,456 --> 00:06:08,989
I didn't just "hex" us.
152
00:06:09,024 --> 00:06:11,258
- I'm having what?!
- Calm down.
153
00:06:11,294 --> 00:06:12,759
They're twins, normal human girls,
154
00:06:12,795 --> 00:06:14,595
not aliens or devil children.
155
00:06:14,630 --> 00:06:16,197
You said you wanted two kids, right?
156
00:06:16,232 --> 00:06:17,609
So you knocked 'em out with one swing.
157
00:06:17,633 --> 00:06:18,765
Yeah, I did.
158
00:06:18,801 --> 00:06:21,101
A month ago, there was just one.
159
00:06:21,136 --> 00:06:23,170
Check again. Check again!
160
00:06:23,205 --> 00:06:24,571
Little sister was hiding.
161
00:06:24,606 --> 00:06:26,339
Give her the weird ancestor name.
162
00:06:26,374 --> 00:06:27,607
Vengeance is yours.
163
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,042
Huh.
164
00:06:29,078 --> 00:06:31,377
Oh, God.
165
00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:32,579
Are you okay?
166
00:06:32,614 --> 00:06:34,314
Oh, I mean, come on.
167
00:06:34,349 --> 00:06:37,050
I'm sorry. It's just...
168
00:06:37,086 --> 00:06:39,219
I mean, God damn it.
169
00:06:39,254 --> 00:06:42,455
There's too much estrogen
in this room, I guess.
170
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:45,057
I know feelings are hard.
171
00:06:45,093 --> 00:06:47,627
So would it help to
clumsily explain things
172
00:06:47,662 --> 00:06:49,895
that we already know in this room?
173
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,732
No. It's unbelievable.
174
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:55,835
You know that fetuses require estrogen?
175
00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:57,837
To grow. Whether they're male or female.
176
00:06:57,872 --> 00:07:00,106
In fact, twins require
not two times as much,
177
00:07:00,141 --> 00:07:01,874
but three times as much.
178
00:07:01,909 --> 00:07:03,709
Thanks, Jack.
179
00:07:03,745 --> 00:07:05,044
Sure.
180
00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:07,046
There it is.
181
00:07:12,419 --> 00:07:13,963
Carm, you know I'd
love to watch the girls,
182
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:17,055
- but, um, the doc said I have bed rest.
- "Bed rest"?
183
00:07:17,090 --> 00:07:19,057
I didn't hear her say "bed rest."
184
00:07:19,092 --> 00:07:21,993
Ooh, you better sharpen up
your lying skills there, Em.
185
00:07:22,028 --> 00:07:23,595
It's a vital part of parenting.
186
00:07:23,631 --> 00:07:26,231
- My God, you're having twins!
- Yeah, I heard.
187
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:30,301
Hey, you know what's a perfect
training for raising two girls?
188
00:07:30,336 --> 00:07:31,569
Two girls.
189
00:07:31,604 --> 00:07:33,304
Carm, I seriously wanna help, I do,
190
00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:34,984
but if I want to nail
this interview tonight,
191
00:07:35,008 --> 00:07:36,318
I gotta prep like crazy, and, you know,
192
00:07:36,342 --> 00:07:37,809
you are the one who said,
193
00:07:37,844 --> 00:07:39,811
"Can't work at home with kids," so...
194
00:07:39,846 --> 00:07:42,180
Wait, you're still doing that
after what the doctor said?
195
00:07:42,515 --> 00:07:45,783
Remember? With your history
and your advanced ag...
196
00:07:45,818 --> 00:07:49,019
Based mostly on your history,
197
00:07:49,054 --> 00:07:51,389
we need to be careful, right?
198
00:07:51,424 --> 00:07:52,701
Carmen, would you like a coffee?
199
00:07:52,725 --> 00:07:54,191
- I would love one.
- Great.
200
00:07:54,226 --> 00:07:56,026
But let's just take a
beat to get real, okay?
201
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:58,663
Because, right now, we wouldn't
qualify for a bicycle loan.
202
00:07:58,698 --> 00:08:00,442
And you know what's more
expensive than one kid?
203
00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:03,066
- Let me guess: Two kids?
- Yeah.
204
00:08:03,102 --> 00:08:05,602
So unless Mr. Academia or Ms. Nonprofit
205
00:08:05,637 --> 00:08:06,837
have any other ideas...
206
00:08:06,872 --> 00:08:08,438
Uh, hey, sorry.
207
00:08:08,473 --> 00:08:10,485
Did I black out and we voted
to buy this place and...
208
00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:13,376
Poly foul. No voting.
209
00:08:13,412 --> 00:08:14,778
Reinforces couples privilege.
210
00:08:14,814 --> 00:08:15,991
- She does that now?
- She does.
211
00:08:16,015 --> 00:08:17,114
It's super fun.
212
00:08:17,149 --> 00:08:18,948
Poly foul!
213
00:08:18,983 --> 00:08:20,950
Oh, you see? They listen.
214
00:08:20,985 --> 00:08:22,819
They're good sounding boards.
215
00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:26,435
So, Em, did we decide to buy
this place and I missed it?
216
00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:27,615
What happened to, um, you know
217
00:08:27,639 --> 00:08:29,405
"It's good for now.
218
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,452
Buys us time to see
if you really hate it
219
00:08:31,476 --> 00:08:32,620
or really, really hate it here."
220
00:08:32,644 --> 00:08:34,243
Is that... Is that me or him?
221
00:08:34,278 --> 00:08:36,156
- I can't tell.
- Yeah, it's a terrible impression.
222
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,192
- Oh, it's...
- You got to work on your skills.
223
00:08:38,216 --> 00:08:40,749
It's EmJack. It's a composite.
224
00:08:40,784 --> 00:08:42,351
Okay, well, listen,
225
00:08:42,386 --> 00:08:44,820
we'll talk Hawthorne Heights
pros and cons tonight, okay?
226
00:08:44,855 --> 00:08:46,688
- That sounds like so much fun.
- Yeah.
227
00:08:46,724 --> 00:08:47,789
You should come, Carm.
228
00:08:47,825 --> 00:08:49,925
- Mnh-mnh.
- Bye, babe.
229
00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:53,829
Will you at least take a nap?
230
00:08:53,864 --> 00:08:55,664
No.
231
00:08:55,699 --> 00:08:57,532
Not tired.
232
00:08:57,567 --> 00:09:01,402
Well, I'm just gonna
put this in a travel mug
233
00:09:01,438 --> 00:09:03,839
'cause I need the caffeine
on my way to work, and...
234
00:09:03,874 --> 00:09:05,641
Okay, Carm, I can't take the guilt.
235
00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:07,575
Just please sedate them
236
00:09:07,611 --> 00:09:10,145
and tell them not to shit
or talk till you get back.
237
00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,947
Nah, I'll exploit an intern.
238
00:09:12,982 --> 00:09:15,383
But you damn well better knock
it out of the park tonight.
239
00:09:15,418 --> 00:09:17,385
Oh. Come here.
240
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,853
Oh, my God, tell me something
241
00:09:18,888 --> 00:09:20,488
so I feel a little less crazy.
242
00:09:20,524 --> 00:09:23,324
Hmm. Well, work has been
insane, I'm still waiting to hear
243
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,004
about The Portland
Byline Award nomination,
244
00:09:25,028 --> 00:09:28,162
which I damn well better get
because it's a circle jerk
245
00:09:28,197 --> 00:09:30,064
with a million
hyper-specific categories,
246
00:09:30,099 --> 00:09:32,499
and so everybody, including
the plumber, gets a nomination,
247
00:09:32,535 --> 00:09:33,834
and, oh...
248
00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:35,580
and I hate my husband.
Do you wanna know why?
249
00:09:35,604 --> 00:09:37,138
Because it took him like two minutes
250
00:09:37,173 --> 00:09:38,851
to sell a socially
significant children's book
251
00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:41,008
while already basking in
sexist and hyperbolic acclaim
252
00:09:41,044 --> 00:09:42,086
for tending to his own children?
253
00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:43,410
Or for selling said book
254
00:09:43,445 --> 00:09:44,756
when you're the writer in the family,
255
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:46,158
then going on a cushy West Coast tour
256
00:09:46,182 --> 00:09:48,382
while you slowly spiral into madness?
257
00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:50,217
What kind of witch are you?
258
00:09:50,252 --> 00:09:51,596
The kind who's a really good listener
259
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:52,919
and loves your scrambled eggs
260
00:09:52,954 --> 00:09:54,888
with smoked salmon and cream cheese?
261
00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:57,891
Pwease, will you make you some?
262
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,394
Did you just try to baby
talk me into cooking for you?
263
00:10:01,429 --> 00:10:03,563
Did it wook?
264
00:10:03,598 --> 00:10:04,764
If you weren't pregnant...
265
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,399
Marry me!
266
00:10:06,434 --> 00:10:08,802
Stop proposing to
everybody who's nice to you.
267
00:10:08,837 --> 00:10:10,770
You're not wrong.
268
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:14,707
Sorry. One more time.
269
00:10:20,781 --> 00:10:23,649
Oh, man, and this... this happened
270
00:10:23,685 --> 00:10:26,419
right after you found
out you have three days
271
00:10:26,454 --> 00:10:27,820
to decide on Hawthorne Heights?
272
00:10:27,855 --> 00:10:29,088
Okay, give me the picture,
273
00:10:29,123 --> 00:10:30,756
or else it's a double titty twister.
274
00:10:30,791 --> 00:10:33,458
No. Whatever. You're never gonna
find my nipples in this bra.
275
00:10:33,493 --> 00:10:35,194
Anyway, I've got a session.
276
00:10:35,229 --> 00:10:36,294
You wrecked it.
277
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,263
Wow. "I've got a session."
278
00:10:38,298 --> 00:10:40,298
I never thought I'd
actually be saying that
279
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:42,101
as the therapist and not the patient.
280
00:10:42,136 --> 00:10:43,168
Like...
281
00:10:43,204 --> 00:10:45,470
Are you okay?
282
00:10:45,505 --> 00:10:46,972
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
283
00:10:47,007 --> 00:10:48,651
Definitely no mirror behind the bar.
284
00:10:48,675 --> 00:10:50,642
- Well, you're the boss, boss.
- Yeah.
285
00:10:50,677 --> 00:10:51,954
This is that place where you come
286
00:10:51,978 --> 00:10:53,545
to get away from that shit, you know?
287
00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:56,013
They leave their insecurities,
their hang-ups at the door.
288
00:10:56,049 --> 00:10:57,393
No mirrors in the bathrooms, either.
289
00:10:57,417 --> 00:10:58,950
- What?
- Can I get an amen, people?
290
00:10:58,985 --> 00:11:00,818
- No.
- Mm, no mirrors means your demo
291
00:11:00,854 --> 00:11:02,587
is uggos hiding from
their own reflections,
292
00:11:02,623 --> 00:11:04,856
and even uggos don't
wanna look at other uggos,
293
00:11:04,891 --> 00:11:07,524
so assuming you wanna stay
open for more than five minutes?
294
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,293
There will be mirrors, ma babe.
295
00:11:09,328 --> 00:11:10,594
There'll be mirrors, ma babe.
296
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:13,798
Aww. After the insensitive word
salad, you called him "ma babe."
297
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:14,966
- I did.
- Hi.
298
00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:17,101
- Mm!
- This guy, eh?
299
00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:19,137
Entrepreneurship's brought out his BDE.
300
00:11:19,172 --> 00:11:20,271
- Dad, don't.
- His Big...
301
00:11:20,306 --> 00:11:22,172
- Don't say that.
- Big Dorky Energy.
302
00:11:22,207 --> 00:11:23,807
That's not what it stands for.
303
00:11:23,842 --> 00:11:25,687
Mm, this guy could have
a whole bouquet of dicks,
304
00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:27,278
and he'd still be my slave, so...
305
00:11:27,313 --> 00:11:29,747
Dicks.
306
00:11:29,782 --> 00:11:32,015
- Later, bitches.
- Okay.
307
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,597
C'mon, puppy. You're driving me.
308
00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:36,720
- Don't fall for that.
- No.
309
00:11:36,756 --> 00:11:38,521
If you start falling for that now,
310
00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:40,168
- you're never gonna get out of it.
- Dude, dude, dude! Do...
311
00:11:40,192 --> 00:11:41,402
And you're gonna be
driving her for years.
312
00:11:41,426 --> 00:11:42,426
Okay.
313
00:11:42,427 --> 00:11:44,127
Suck it, Silvas!
314
00:11:45,964 --> 00:11:48,498
Okay, th... that is disturbing.
315
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,733
- You get used to it.
- I need a coffee.
316
00:11:52,237 --> 00:11:54,437
So, what's the 411, kiddo?
317
00:11:54,472 --> 00:11:56,706
You seem distracted.
318
00:11:56,741 --> 00:11:59,709
Directions put me on
part time... budget cuts.
319
00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:02,378
And now, with two kids on the way
320
00:12:02,414 --> 00:12:05,748
and Emma still looking
for a job, it's...
321
00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:07,883
Whatever.
322
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:09,251
Tell me.
323
00:12:09,287 --> 00:12:10,920
I get it.
324
00:12:10,955 --> 00:12:14,223
It makes perfect sense
to buy the Wilberg house
325
00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:16,591
and raise the girls there.
326
00:12:16,627 --> 00:12:18,493
But...
327
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,729
it kind of feels like we're
just circling back around
328
00:12:20,764 --> 00:12:22,564
to living their life instead of mine.
329
00:12:22,599 --> 00:12:24,900
- Right?
- What's the alternative?
330
00:12:24,936 --> 00:12:26,935
Some weird, woodsy poly-commune?
331
00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:28,269
Hmm?
332
00:12:28,305 --> 00:12:29,683
Dragging them off to another suburb
333
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,072
just to prove that you can?
334
00:12:31,107 --> 00:12:32,619
You know, I miss you
walking on eggshells,
335
00:12:32,643 --> 00:12:36,044
- trying to win me over.
- Iz.
336
00:12:36,079 --> 00:12:37,879
It's not just their house.
337
00:12:37,914 --> 00:12:40,081
That's their home, right?
338
00:12:40,116 --> 00:12:42,050
With their best friends
living across the street
339
00:12:42,085 --> 00:12:43,484
and their two little girls.
340
00:12:43,519 --> 00:12:44,919
They built a good life there,
341
00:12:44,955 --> 00:12:48,089
where everybody knows your name.
342
00:12:48,124 --> 00:12:49,324
What's happening?
343
00:12:49,359 --> 00:12:50,458
"Cheers."
344
00:12:51,328 --> 00:12:52,593
Okay.
345
00:12:52,628 --> 00:12:54,963
No. Right. Okay.
346
00:12:54,998 --> 00:12:56,331
Answer me this:
347
00:12:56,366 --> 00:12:57,966
Are you still in love with them?
348
00:12:58,001 --> 00:12:59,667
More than ever.
349
00:12:59,702 --> 00:13:03,604
Then you need to figure a
way to love their life, too.
350
00:13:04,774 --> 00:13:06,340
Mm.
351
00:13:06,376 --> 00:13:08,542
Are you trying to
mike-drop me right now?
352
00:13:08,578 --> 00:13:10,711
Mm.
353
00:13:10,747 --> 00:13:12,913
So amazing.
354
00:13:12,948 --> 00:13:14,882
Um... hold on.
355
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:16,250
I'm just looking for a pen.
356
00:13:16,285 --> 00:13:18,551
God, I buy twenty, and they disappear.
357
00:13:18,587 --> 00:13:20,820
I think we have a ghost.
358
00:13:20,856 --> 00:13:22,622
Or there's nothing supernatural afoot,
359
00:13:22,657 --> 00:13:25,759
and I just have a weird habit
of storing pens all over my body.
360
00:13:28,597 --> 00:13:30,563
Hello? You still there?
361
00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:31,999
Fuck!
362
00:13:32,034 --> 00:13:34,066
I'm sorry.
363
00:13:34,102 --> 00:13:35,435
I'm sorry, guys.
364
00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:44,811
Hey!
365
00:13:44,846 --> 00:13:46,613
Good morning, darling.
366
00:13:46,648 --> 00:13:48,548
- Busy day at work?
- Well...
367
00:13:48,583 --> 00:13:50,283
You look a little, uh...
368
00:13:50,318 --> 00:13:51,884
gorgeous.
369
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,630
That's the word I was
gonna say... "gorgeous."
370
00:13:53,654 --> 00:13:55,521
I look a little gorgeous.
371
00:13:55,556 --> 00:13:56,622
- Yeah.
- Thanks?
372
00:13:56,657 --> 00:13:58,057
- Oh.
- Um, you try, you know...
373
00:13:58,092 --> 00:13:59,926
Honey, they got me this French press.
374
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:01,605
It's great. It is, like, some
of the best coffee I ever had.
375
00:14:01,629 --> 00:14:03,095
And check this out, huh? Look.
376
00:14:03,131 --> 00:14:05,097
Can you see this? Can you see that?
377
00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:07,666
That's a... That's a...
an Edible Arrangement.
378
00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:09,813
Looks like a little pineapple
in the shape of flowers.
379
00:14:09,837 --> 00:14:11,236
You ever seen that?
380
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:12,604
I'm gonna go crazy on that thing.
381
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,072
Uh, why fruit?
382
00:14:14,107 --> 00:14:16,241
Did you tell them that
travel constipates you?
383
00:14:16,276 --> 00:14:18,510
You don't have to tell
everybody everything, David.
384
00:14:18,546 --> 00:14:20,155
Hey, are you mad at me?
I feel like I'm sensing
385
00:14:20,156 --> 00:14:21,736
- that you're a little...
- Mad? Why would I be mad?
386
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:23,450
- I... I should be proud.
- Should be proud.
387
00:14:23,455 --> 00:14:24,470
So you're saying you're not...
388
00:14:24,475 --> 00:14:26,963
- you're not proud of me?
- Uh, so, where are you now? Like, what city?
389
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,853
Uh, I am in...
390
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,655
Oh, boy, I can't even keep track.
391
00:14:30,690 --> 00:14:31,990
Oh, Sacramento.
392
00:14:32,025 --> 00:14:33,624
Jesus. Man, I'm like a rock star,
393
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:34,837
just moving around the country.
394
00:14:34,861 --> 00:14:36,627
"Good morning, Sacramento!"
395
00:14:38,197 --> 00:14:39,197
_
396
00:14:39,231 --> 00:14:41,165
What else is going on?
Where are the girls?
397
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,400
Uh, I locked them in a supply closet.
398
00:14:43,436 --> 00:14:45,235
Oh, good, good. That's good.
399
00:14:45,271 --> 00:14:47,304
Closet's good. There's
a lot of space, probably.
400
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:48,706
- _
- It's big. There's a window.
401
00:14:48,741 --> 00:14:50,274
Oh, perfect. That's all they need.
402
00:14:50,309 --> 00:14:52,109
- _
- They're like plants.
403
00:14:52,144 --> 00:14:53,511
- _
- I miss you.
404
00:14:53,546 --> 00:14:55,045
- _
- Um, it's been great.
405
00:14:55,081 --> 00:14:56,880
Tell you, it's a little
stressful, though,
406
00:14:56,915 --> 00:14:59,027
'cause they keep asking about
Books Two and Three, you know?
407
00:14:59,051 --> 00:15:00,862
I keep trying to give off
the impression that I'm, like,
408
00:15:00,886 --> 00:15:03,720
this genius full of ideas, but
I'm mysterious and enigmatic.
409
00:15:03,755 --> 00:15:05,289
J.D. Salinger.
410
00:15:05,324 --> 00:15:06,868
Don't know how long I can pull that off.
411
00:15:06,892 --> 00:15:08,993
I mean, I came up with
the first book idea
412
00:15:09,028 --> 00:15:10,505
when I was watching
a "Fluppies" marathon,
413
00:15:10,529 --> 00:15:12,629
hammered on rosé.
414
00:15:12,664 --> 00:15:14,976
- So maybe I should re-create that whole type of magic.
- Ha ha ha ha!
415
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,533
That's a funny story, babe.
416
00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:18,167
Is it breaking up on your end, too?
417
00:15:18,203 --> 00:15:20,370
Uh, no. You're coming in perfectly.
418
00:15:20,405 --> 00:15:22,071
Free... zing.
419
00:15:22,107 --> 00:15:24,440
Can't... hear... boop...
420
00:15:24,476 --> 00:15:27,878
- Uh...
- Honey, you're... you're clearly faking.
421
00:15:27,913 --> 00:15:30,079
I just saw Scotty wave at me.
422
00:15:45,796 --> 00:15:46,962
Hello, Amy.
423
00:15:46,998 --> 00:15:48,898
Great.
424
00:15:48,933 --> 00:15:51,567
I sound like I'm gonna wash her
liver down with a good Chianti.
425
00:15:53,437 --> 00:15:55,938
Oh, sweet Jesus.
426
00:15:55,973 --> 00:15:57,339
Babe, where to start?
427
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,741
Oh, my God.
428
00:15:58,776 --> 00:16:01,609
Is it the flannel or
the jacket or the boots?
429
00:16:01,645 --> 00:16:05,547
Yes, yes, yes, yes, and hard yes.
430
00:16:05,582 --> 00:16:07,782
You were Nathan's mentor, okay?
431
00:16:07,817 --> 00:16:09,717
That dynamic never really changes.
432
00:16:09,753 --> 00:16:11,131
What about you? You nervous?
433
00:16:11,155 --> 00:16:12,754
Ain't no thing.
434
00:16:12,789 --> 00:16:14,734
Just need to correctly
pronounce French menu items
435
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:17,259
while trying to decide whether
I let her know I'm pregnant
436
00:16:17,294 --> 00:16:19,371
or let her think it's a bière bell-ey.
437
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,862
- Mm, when you go all French.
- Yeah?
438
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,030
- Yeah.
- Yay!
439
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,364
You're open for business again?
440
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:25,900
Wow. We will talk about that later.
441
00:16:25,936 --> 00:16:28,113
I'm open for selfless service
to relax me before my interview.
442
00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:29,771
Uh, pass, but I have a gift.
443
00:16:29,806 --> 00:16:32,106
- Aww.
- It's symbolic.
444
00:16:32,141 --> 00:16:35,809
Pumpkin spice. The official
shit candle of Hawthorne Heights.
445
00:16:35,844 --> 00:16:37,322
- Oh, that's the good stuff.
- Starting to get
446
00:16:37,346 --> 00:16:39,180
the human feces pumpkin
spice connection.
447
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:40,581
- Pregnancy.
- Okay.
448
00:16:40,616 --> 00:16:42,583
Over the next few days,
449
00:16:42,618 --> 00:16:45,786
I'm going to sincerely
try to shed my prejudices
450
00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:47,421
and love the 'burbs.
451
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:49,435
- Like, totally buy the T-shirt.
- Mm, there really is a...
452
00:16:49,459 --> 00:16:52,325
I'm not gonna buy the
T-shirt, Jack, but, um,
453
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,628
I'm gonna get a real
job with a real salary
454
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:57,598
so I can help us get
the loan for the house.
455
00:16:57,633 --> 00:16:59,800
- Isabelle Silva, you are...
- Wait, wait, wait.
456
00:16:59,835 --> 00:17:01,568
There's more. Sit.
457
00:17:04,339 --> 00:17:05,639
Drum roll, please!
458
00:17:08,042 --> 00:17:10,343
Okay. Stop.
459
00:17:10,378 --> 00:17:12,945
There's a gas leak, and I'm
the only one with a mask.
460
00:17:12,981 --> 00:17:14,581
Okay, here it is:
461
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,782
It is almost the one-year anniversary
462
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:19,452
of the day I showed up at
your front door like a weirdo,
463
00:17:19,488 --> 00:17:24,189
so I'm planning my first
bougie suburban blowout!
464
00:17:24,225 --> 00:17:25,958
Ha! A night to forget,
465
00:17:25,994 --> 00:17:27,326
assuming I get properly wasted,
466
00:17:27,361 --> 00:17:29,829
which I can pretty much guarantee.
467
00:17:30,965 --> 00:17:33,633
Come here.
468
00:17:33,668 --> 00:17:34,967
What's got you all frisky?
469
00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:36,669
- You, making an effort.
- I am.
470
00:17:36,704 --> 00:17:37,915
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah,
when I want some,
471
00:17:37,939 --> 00:17:38,971
I clean the kitchen.
472
00:17:39,007 --> 00:17:40,007
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yeah.
473
00:17:40,008 --> 00:17:41,340
- So hot.
- Is it?
474
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:43,308
So sexy.
475
00:17:43,344 --> 00:17:44,654
Let's relax before your interview.
476
00:17:44,678 --> 00:17:45,777
Mm!
477
00:17:47,181 --> 00:17:48,913
Mm. Mm.
478
00:17:48,949 --> 00:17:51,094
- I can't. Seriously, I can't.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
479
00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:52,817
I have to leave in like 10 minutes.
480
00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:54,697
I know that sounds like the
dog ate my libido, but...
481
00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:56,688
- No, no, it's fine.
- Yeah, we're good.
482
00:17:56,723 --> 00:17:58,123
- Whenever you're ready.
- No.
483
00:17:58,158 --> 00:18:00,125
No, I am gonna walk out that door,
484
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,960
and you two are gonna do the nasty.
485
00:18:03,229 --> 00:18:04,763
But, seriously, get weird
486
00:18:04,798 --> 00:18:07,699
because only having sex
in threes is a poly foul!
487
00:18:07,734 --> 00:18:08,945
She's still doing that.
488
00:18:10,503 --> 00:18:12,148
It was never gonna
happen, but then she did...
489
00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:14,805
Yeah, she totally ruined it
with that hand-gesture thing.
490
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,174
- Later.
- Yeah.
491
00:18:16,209 --> 00:18:18,376
So, going out with one
of my many male friends.
492
00:18:18,411 --> 00:18:20,511
Gonna have some beezos with ma brah.
493
00:18:20,547 --> 00:18:23,214
Oh, hey, um, P.S... No one says that.
494
00:18:23,249 --> 00:18:24,815
So just... just don't.
495
00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:29,019
Also, if you plan on having
sex with me ever again,
496
00:18:29,055 --> 00:18:32,890
you need to take off
these clothes... now.
497
00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:34,424
- What's wrong with this?
- _
498
00:18:34,459 --> 00:18:36,760
I care. I care.
499
00:18:49,575 --> 00:18:53,243
Well, turns out there
really is a Pinot Grigio bar
500
00:18:53,278 --> 00:18:55,378
that serves nothing but Pinot Grigio.
501
00:18:55,414 --> 00:18:57,480
I did not know that.
502
00:18:57,516 --> 00:19:00,383
Um, I mean, it is called "Grigio."
503
00:19:00,419 --> 00:19:03,086
Yeah, I just thought it was Mexican.
504
00:19:03,121 --> 00:19:05,487
You know, um, I was...
505
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:08,424
I was drunk most of the
summer after Jess left
506
00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:11,327
and then gave up all booze except white
507
00:19:11,362 --> 00:19:14,697
because what man really
wants to binge white wine?
508
00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:16,532
Yeah, or drink it at all.
509
00:19:18,937 --> 00:19:20,536
Uh, I'm just messing with you.
510
00:19:20,571 --> 00:19:22,104
- That's it.
- All right, man.
511
00:19:22,139 --> 00:19:24,206
You know, divorce laid me out, man.
512
00:19:24,242 --> 00:19:26,642
Um, but now I'm getting my act together,
513
00:19:26,677 --> 00:19:28,043
really taking the wheel.
514
00:19:28,078 --> 00:19:29,389
That was one of the books I read.
515
00:19:29,413 --> 00:19:30,490
"Take the Wheel!!!"
516
00:19:30,514 --> 00:19:31,880
Ooh.
517
00:19:31,915 --> 00:19:34,550
Do you have to yell it?
518
00:19:34,585 --> 00:19:37,152
Well, it's got three
exclamation points, so...
519
00:19:37,187 --> 00:19:38,887
- Makes sense.
- Yeah.
520
00:19:38,922 --> 00:19:40,789
Anything else you had to give up?
521
00:19:40,824 --> 00:19:42,590
Uh, yeah, actually.
522
00:19:42,626 --> 00:19:45,593
Uh, uh, red meat,
then meat of every hue.
523
00:19:45,629 --> 00:19:48,730
Uh, carbs, sugar, weed, television.
524
00:19:48,766 --> 00:19:51,733
Replaced that all with gallons of water,
525
00:19:51,769 --> 00:19:53,200
at least an hour of cardio a day,
526
00:19:53,236 --> 00:19:54,802
meditation, deep breathing...
527
00:19:54,837 --> 00:19:57,805
Jesus. So much self-flagellation.
528
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:01,376
You know, um, I got nuked.
529
00:20:01,411 --> 00:20:05,647
And, uh, it was the opposite of mutual.
530
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:10,117
So I won't be offended
531
00:20:10,153 --> 00:20:13,553
if you find someone
else for ManFest 2019.
532
00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:19,459
You know, my dad was
a man among men, right?
533
00:20:19,495 --> 00:20:21,728
He just really knew how to hang. He...
534
00:20:21,764 --> 00:20:23,330
Whenever his posse came over
535
00:20:23,365 --> 00:20:25,999
for a basketball game
or something, he was...
536
00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:27,512
You could just tell he was the top dawg.
537
00:20:27,536 --> 00:20:28,835
You know, like everywhere he was
538
00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,537
was the center of the room.
539
00:20:30,572 --> 00:20:33,540
That's, uh... great?
540
00:20:33,575 --> 00:20:35,208
I'm sorry.
541
00:20:35,243 --> 00:20:37,877
I've just been thinking
a lot about my dad lately
542
00:20:37,913 --> 00:20:39,346
since I'm about to be one.
543
00:20:39,381 --> 00:20:41,581
- Right. Yeah.
- Mm.
544
00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:43,216
Maybe we can help each other.
545
00:20:43,251 --> 00:20:45,418
Okay, yeah.
546
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,120
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
547
00:20:47,155 --> 00:20:48,888
To manhood.
548
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,457
Yes!
549
00:20:51,492 --> 00:20:53,927
Ah-ha, the burn! Mm!
550
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,196
That's some wicked fucking
Greezhe right there.
551
00:20:56,231 --> 00:20:58,864
Yeah, you're, uh,
ahem, not supposed to...
552
00:20:58,899 --> 00:21:00,678
You know what's even better
than a white-wine bar?
553
00:21:00,702 --> 00:21:02,568
- Hmm?
- Absolutely everything.
554
00:21:02,603 --> 00:21:04,002
Okay.
555
00:21:04,038 --> 00:21:06,505
But especially a bar
that hasn't opened yet.
556
00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:07,541
Okay.
557
00:21:07,542 --> 00:21:08,774
Yeah, I know a place.
558
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,020
I think one of my wives is there.
559
00:21:10,044 --> 00:21:13,078
Wait. What?
560
00:21:14,248 --> 00:21:16,348
Emma, your qualifications
are impeccable.
561
00:21:16,383 --> 00:21:18,083
Your references gave glowing reports,
562
00:21:18,118 --> 00:21:19,784
with the exception of Dani Monro,
563
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,097
who called you a traitorous pervert,
564
00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:23,055
but she says that about everybody.
565
00:21:23,090 --> 00:21:25,757
Your portfolio speaks for itself.
566
00:21:25,792 --> 00:21:28,593
However, I am left wondering one thing.
567
00:21:28,628 --> 00:21:32,764
How I managed to kick this much
professional butt in 27 short years?
568
00:21:32,799 --> 00:21:35,633
S... sorry. I, um... I got
a little over my skis there.
569
00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:37,268
Um, I'm really nervous.
570
00:21:37,303 --> 00:21:39,604
- Sure.
- I'm not really 27.
571
00:21:39,639 --> 00:21:41,339
Gasp. Astonishment.
572
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:42,507
What? No way.
573
00:21:43,943 --> 00:21:47,979
So, just tell me about
your work-life balance.
574
00:21:50,383 --> 00:21:52,483
Come on, Amy. I get it. I get it.
575
00:21:52,518 --> 00:21:55,086
You're hesitant to hire
anyone who's in the family way
576
00:21:55,121 --> 00:21:56,620
for such a high-level position.
577
00:21:56,655 --> 00:21:58,433
You know, can't risk me
bailing six months in.
578
00:21:58,457 --> 00:22:00,624
But, um, well, once I have the girls...
579
00:22:00,659 --> 00:22:02,459
- What's that?
- Huh?
580
00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:03,794
You said "girls." Plural.
581
00:22:03,829 --> 00:22:06,663
Shit. Uh...
582
00:22:06,699 --> 00:22:08,265
I'm having twins.
583
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,332
Oh.
584
00:22:09,368 --> 00:22:10,768
Yeah, but Jack and Izzy...
585
00:22:10,803 --> 00:22:12,669
Wait. Izzy? You already have a kid?
586
00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:17,775
Hello?
587
00:22:17,810 --> 00:22:19,843
Sorry. I just realized
that this interview
588
00:22:19,879 --> 00:22:22,112
is gonna go a whole lot
better if I just stop talking.
589
00:22:29,788 --> 00:22:31,922
Wait a second.
590
00:22:31,957 --> 00:22:34,157
You're not at home,
alphabetizing the spice rack?
591
00:22:34,192 --> 00:22:35,303
You're here with Shaun and Nina?
592
00:22:35,327 --> 00:22:36,470
- Hey, babe.
- What a surprise.
593
00:22:36,494 --> 00:22:37,772
- What are you doing here?
- Hey.
594
00:22:37,796 --> 00:22:39,039
- Hey. Mmmm!
- Nice T-shirts, hoss.
595
00:22:39,063 --> 00:22:40,396
Going for the whole
596
00:22:40,432 --> 00:22:42,072
Douchebag-Jason-Bateman
- in- "Juno" look?
597
00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:44,199
No, this is actually...
the T-shirt-on-T-shirt look
598
00:22:44,235 --> 00:22:46,001
is back in vogue, I'll have you know.
599
00:22:46,037 --> 00:22:47,715
- Mnh.
- You shoulda seen what he was gonna wear.
600
00:22:47,739 --> 00:22:49,038
It was... It was very bad.
601
00:22:49,073 --> 00:22:51,307
So, is this... this is your new brah?
602
00:22:51,342 --> 00:22:54,876
Yeah. This is one of my
many male friends, Nathan.
603
00:22:54,912 --> 00:22:55,912
Nathan, Izzy.
604
00:22:55,913 --> 00:22:57,179
- Hello.
- Hi. Hey.
605
00:22:57,214 --> 00:22:58,647
Your hubby hired me as a counselor
606
00:22:58,682 --> 00:23:00,182
at The Hawthorne School,
607
00:23:00,217 --> 00:23:02,451
and, uh, now I'm doing his
job better than he ever did.
608
00:23:02,486 --> 00:23:03,652
- Mmmm!
- Ooh!
609
00:23:03,687 --> 00:23:05,520
Ooh! Super impressive.
610
00:23:05,556 --> 00:23:08,590
Oh, by the way, um, Carlton
from "Fresh Prince" called,
611
00:23:08,625 --> 00:23:10,692
and he wants his sweet
pink sweater back.
612
00:23:10,727 --> 00:23:12,494
Oh, well, I mean, it... it's not pink.
613
00:23:12,529 --> 00:23:14,362
It's... It's Sunset Rose,
614
00:23:14,397 --> 00:23:15,875
- and it was actually very expensive, so...
- Don't even bother.
615
00:23:15,899 --> 00:23:17,376
You'll just make it
worse with her, right?
616
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,233
- Yeah.
- Yep.
617
00:23:19,269 --> 00:23:20,902
Izzy is also a shrink.
618
00:23:20,938 --> 00:23:23,037
- She works with troubled teens at Directions.
- Oh.
619
00:23:23,073 --> 00:23:25,807
Well, barely, since the
budget cuts, but, yes, I am.
620
00:23:25,843 --> 00:23:27,308
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
621
00:23:27,344 --> 00:23:29,643
And, I mean, if you weren't
currently doing drugs,
622
00:23:29,679 --> 00:23:31,980
I would ask if you were interested
623
00:23:32,015 --> 00:23:33,714
in the fulfilling world of education.
624
00:23:33,749 --> 00:23:37,551
Mm, thanks, but you can keep
your, uh, entitled rich kids
625
00:23:37,587 --> 00:23:39,832
with their faux damage, and I
will continue saving the world
626
00:23:39,856 --> 00:23:42,357
in just 18 hours a week.
627
00:23:43,426 --> 00:23:44,658
Would you like some?
628
00:23:44,694 --> 00:23:47,227
No, I am good, thank you. I can't.
629
00:23:47,262 --> 00:23:50,731
Said every man who paid too
much for a Sunset Rose sweater.
630
00:23:50,766 --> 00:23:52,366
I can.
631
00:23:52,401 --> 00:23:53,567
Hello, old friend.
632
00:23:53,603 --> 00:23:55,736
Oh, shit! You guys made it!
633
00:23:55,771 --> 00:23:57,037
- Awesome!
- Hey!
634
00:23:57,072 --> 00:23:59,406
Hey! Drinks are on the house!
635
00:23:59,441 --> 00:24:02,409
But only 'cause I can't
legally charge you for them yet.
636
00:24:02,444 --> 00:24:05,012
Who wants shots? Yeah?
637
00:24:05,047 --> 00:24:06,313
- Oh, yeah.
- Go for it.
638
00:24:06,348 --> 00:24:07,981
Straight for the top shelf, huh?
639
00:24:08,017 --> 00:24:10,061
Nothing but the best for all
these non-paying customers.
640
00:24:10,085 --> 00:24:12,319
Good. Awesome. Have at it.
641
00:24:12,354 --> 00:24:13,487
Mm!
642
00:24:13,522 --> 00:24:14,654
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
643
00:24:14,689 --> 00:24:16,189
Big Dog's off his leash!
644
00:24:16,225 --> 00:24:17,857
Don't just stand there. Bust a move.
645
00:24:17,893 --> 00:24:19,169
Hey, check it out.
646
00:24:19,193 --> 00:24:20,359
- Shit!
- Nailed it!
647
00:24:20,395 --> 00:24:21,528
- Babe, put it down.
- No.
648
00:24:21,563 --> 00:24:23,396
That's a hard no, John McClane.
649
00:24:23,431 --> 00:24:24,697
- There you go.
- Thanks.
650
00:24:24,733 --> 00:24:26,265
So, uh, what're you drinking?
651
00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:28,300
Oh, you know, I'll have
a club s... It's fine.
652
00:24:28,336 --> 00:24:31,470
You know, I... I've already had
my limit of Pinot Grigio, so...
653
00:24:31,506 --> 00:24:34,407
That sentence is gonna... is
gonna haunt you for a while.
654
00:24:34,442 --> 00:24:36,308
- Mm.
- Hey, for shits and giggles,
655
00:24:36,344 --> 00:24:38,077
why don't you just pitch me this job?
656
00:24:38,112 --> 00:24:40,046
Maybe I'll be interested.
657
00:24:40,081 --> 00:24:43,315
Well, there it is, that unearned
twentysomething arrogance.
658
00:24:43,351 --> 00:24:46,452
You know, if I didn't currently
have a stack of résumés
659
00:24:46,487 --> 00:24:48,487
from way more qualified
candidates than you
660
00:24:48,523 --> 00:24:51,957
who never once really dissed
this wonderful sweater, I...
661
00:24:51,992 --> 00:24:53,892
You're not listening...
662
00:24:53,928 --> 00:24:56,461
I wouldn't hire you.
663
00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:57,796
- Whoo-hoo!
- Here's the floss.
664
00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,798
Whoo! Whoo!
665
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:03,602
Wow. Uh, this is gonna
end poorly for Big Dog.
666
00:25:03,637 --> 00:25:06,104
God, let's hope so.
667
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:08,773
I'm married to him.
668
00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:10,808
So if you think I can't
create multiple humans,
669
00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:12,643
maintain a healthy
marriage to two spouses,
670
00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:14,723
and slay dragons at work,
then you haven't met me, lady,
671
00:25:14,747 --> 00:25:17,048
because I am still
Emma Goddamn Trakarsky,
672
00:25:17,084 --> 00:25:18,761
not some mobile incubator
who drops everything
673
00:25:18,785 --> 00:25:20,051
to wipe babies' butts
674
00:25:20,087 --> 00:25:22,220
and yell at passing cars to slow down!
675
00:25:22,255 --> 00:25:24,055
Ow! Ow.
676
00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:25,756
- D... did you just
say "ow"? - Mm-hmm!
677
00:25:25,792 --> 00:25:27,491
Mm, ahh!
678
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,794
Sorry. I feel like I
ate a couple puppies,
679
00:25:29,829 --> 00:25:31,629
and they grew into two
very large Dobermans,
680
00:25:31,664 --> 00:25:34,164
and they're currently trying
to eat their way out of me.
681
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,167
- Oh, dear.
- Yeah, but I'm... I'm just gonna play it cool
682
00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:40,637
until you tell me I'm
definitely not getting this job.
683
00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:45,275
Yeah, you are definitely
not getting this job.
684
00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:47,377
Okay. No hard feelings.
685
00:25:47,413 --> 00:25:49,379
I'm just gonna call 911.
686
00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:53,049
Hi. This is Emma Trakarsky,
687
00:25:53,085 --> 00:25:54,985
- and, uh, yeah, I, um...
- Oh, dear.
688
00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:56,886
Oh, my God, I'm about to explode!
689
00:25:56,922 --> 00:25:58,722
- Sorry.
- Yeah, no. No, no, no, no.
690
00:25:58,757 --> 00:26:01,091
No need to call Homeland Security.
691
00:26:01,126 --> 00:26:02,859
Check, please.
692
00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:17,873
Jack. Izzy.
693
00:26:17,908 --> 00:26:21,210
Jack! Izzy!
694
00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:26,882
- Jack. Izzy.
- Yeah?
695
00:26:31,088 --> 00:26:32,721
Can you turn down the music?
696
00:26:34,224 --> 00:26:36,258
Can you turn down the fucking music?!
697
00:26:37,695 --> 00:26:39,427
Emma.
698
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:50,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
50969
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