All language subtitles for nickel04

Previously on Doom Patrol...

I'm staying here until
I find Niles Caulder.

You've been here a day.

Palling around with
a bunch of...

inept circus freaks.

Who died
and made you team leader?

We're not heroes.

We're the ones
who don't do anything.

You're a chickenshit.

You're right.
I am afraid to look for Niles.

What do you want from me?

Ever since you decided
to live inside my body,

my life has been a nightmare.

I had everything,
and you fucked it all up!

You fucked it all up.

Tell me, Jane.

Are you not the core persona
inside your little menagerie,

your inner demons?

You are one of
many personalities

trapped within a single body.

Auf Wiedersehen, motherfucker.

God, what did I do?

- I'm sorry.
- Don't.

Right. Sorry.

In the beginning,
there was the light.

And the light created a shadow.

And the shadow was good.

In the beginning,

there was the light.

And the light created a shadow.

And the shadow was good.

- Mom?
- Yes, dear.

When do I get to save the world?

Soon.

When the Book is finished,
all will be clear.

Isn't that right, honey?

Where's the happy birthday boy?

There you are.

I baked your favorite.

Wow.

Fudge. I forgot the knife.

Run!

You're not here to save the world, son.
You're here to end it.

You're not the savior.
You need to...

Whoopsie daisy.

That was a close one.

Today is the day, Elliot.
The Book is complete.

It's your day to save the world.

It's going to be fantastic!

Sweetie...

Come back down.

This cake isn't gonna
eat itself.

Elliot...

You get down here and you eat
this fucking cake, Elliot!

The past few days
I've had the sinking feeling

the Cult of the Unwritten
Book was active again.

Feels different this time.

Like the bastards might have
actually pulled it off.

Signs are bloody everywhere,
if you know where to look.

"Who killed Cock Robin?

'I, ' said the sparrow,
'with my bow and arrow.'"

"'I, ' said the fly,
'with my little eye,

'I saw him die.'"

"'Who'll dig his grave?'

'I, ' said the crow.
'For I will bury him...'"

Shit! "'Where only death
can grow!'"

Daddy...

Can I nap with you?

Of course you can. Come here.

What the fuck?

Hey, Jane. I didn't... Wait.

Don't fucking touch me!

- Don't talk to me!
- Okay.

- Okay, Jane...
- I'm not Jane. I'm fucking Hammerhead.

And your wife, Sheryl.
How did you meet her?

Bishop John Carroll High School.

Class of '46.

We were high school sweethearts.

And when did you meet
Staff Sergeant John Bowers?

- Excuse me?
- John Bowers.

He was your mechanic.

Fuck you.

What happened last night?

Why was Jane in my room?

I told you not to talk to me.

And I hear you. But, can you at least
tell me why Jane was in my room?

That wasn't Jane.

Jane's taking a time out.

That was Baby Doll and she fucked up, too.
That's why I'm here.

Did I do something wrong?

- Ya think?
- What? What did I do?

Paraguay.

Paraguay? What about Paraguay?

I'm not your therapist.
You figure it out.

Just to get us up to date on the
Chief's possible whereabouts,

there are 37 known dimensions
in the universe.

As you can see,
I've mapped them.

Our challenge as a team,
is to pinpoint...

- Yes?
- We're not a team.

You keep saying we're a team.
We're not a team.

You wanna find the Chief, don't you?
I know I do.

Larry? Cliff? What about you?

Do you wanna find the Chief?

Sure.

See?

A group of people...

A common goal.

Looks like a team to me.

Yeah...

- Where's Rita?
- I'm right here.

I guess my invite
got stuck at Western Union

or is this what passes
as a cold shoulder nowadays?

Neither.

It's a meeting about where we
stand in search for the Chief.

Apparently,
there's 37 dimensions.

I see that, yes.

Rita, you're welcome
to sit in if you want,

but I just figured,
given our conversation,

you'd probably wanna
sit this one out.

You know,
not being into it and all.

But I'm sure we can think of
something for you to do if you want.

Where was I?

- If we look at the fundamentals...
- Jesus, fuck.

At the subatomic level
and the atomic level...

Thanks for standing up
for a gal, Larry.

Remind me never to
count on you for anything.

Not in the mood, Rita.
Not today.

Of course not.
You're on his side.

Right. You want me to pretend
Vic was lying about you.

Just try supporting me for once.

Jane has Cliff. Who do I get?

You think I have a choice?

This thing inside me
wants to be involved.

- Just...
- Caulder!

Who is that?

Caulder! You old cunt.

Where the hell are you?

The Cult of the Unwritten
Book's on the march.

Excuse me, sir.

- Caulder!
- Sir!

Niles Caulder isn't here.

Where the hell is he?

We don't know where he is,

or for that matter,
when he'll be back.

But, if you'd like to leave a
message, maybe tell us who you are...

A message? Sure.

How's this?
"Dear, Caulder, you wanker,"

I need my penny you nicked.

"'Cause the world's about to
fucking end. Again."

Signed, "Your old pal, Kip."

That's your name? Kip?

Name's Kipling.
Willoughby Kipling.

Knights Templar,
in case you're wondering.

Don't suppose that means
anything to either of you.

I'm very big in the world of, shall
we say, international strangeness.

So go ahead. Check me out.

In the meantime, I'll be in
that bag of goat shit's office.

Saving the world.

So Caulder never told any of you freaks
about the Cult of the Unwritten Book?

The who of the what?

What's the Cult
of the Unwritten Book?

Goddamn nightmare, for starters.

They're hellbent on bringing out
the destruction of the world.

The Book, which they believe to be the
word of God, is being written as we speak.

Once it's completed,

the Cult will attempt
to read it.

If successful,
the Eye will be summoned.

The Decreator.

And the world will be unmade.

Who is this guy?

Is he someone's uncle?

There you are.

The Little Sisters of our Lady of the
Razor paid me a visit this morning.

Nuns.

A straight razor in each hand.

Cut through walls.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist
to know it's a sign.

Book is close to being finished.

So...

We need to find the Book...

before the Cult finds him.

Wait. What do you mean "him"?

- Yeah. The Book's a person.
- That makes no sense.

And where's this Book?

Baphomet will tell us.

Who?

The Oracle. She's coming.

Is anything
gonna make sense today?

What the fuck?

I say fuck that limey and the
horse head he rode in on.

She's not wrong.

Some Mr. Bean guy comes in
off the street

and we abandon
the search for the Chief?

Exactly. We're not superheroes.

No one's forcing you
to be a part of this.

We know where you stand.

Does his story check out?

Ish. He is a member
of the Knights Templar.

And an established
Chaos Magician,

which explains some of the
weird stuff we've seen so far.

But there are a few gaps in his past.
And some shadows.

And we're supposed to just believe drunk David
Copperfield that the world's gonna end?

I don't know if I trust Kipling,

but I believe the horse head.

Keep chatting. Take your time.

It's not as though
we're trying to...

halt the apocalypse or anything.

You believe a blue horse head.

I do.

I just don't understand
anything anymore.

We're in.

Glad you could fit it
in your schedule.

- What is that?
- What's it look like, metal tits?

It's a door.

Go through it
and you find the Book, Elliot.

So you smoke
a couple of cancer sticks

and suddenly you can
open a door to anywhere?

You think that's tobacco?

Fuck it. Let's party.

Wait!

What on earth was that?

Two grams
of Michelangelo's ashes.

You are not well.

Close the portal.
Close the portal.

Close the portal!

- You give me back my Book.
- Fuck off, shitbird!

Dear God.

Let go of me.

It's a cloaking spell.

Hides him from the Cult. Buys
us time to complete the job.

We saved the kid.
What else is there?

Now we kill him.

- And burn him.
- No way. Not happening.

- No!
- We do not kill kids.

Or burn books. He's both.

Folks, now is not the time
to start throwing spanners.

If he gets read,

it's Katy bar the bloody door.

Then we stop him
from being read.

- There has to be another way.
- Yeah, sure.

It's easy. All we have to do is
close the bloody Gates to Nurnheim.

And after that
we can cure cancer.

What the hell is Nurnheim?

Nurnheim is the ghost of a
city destroyed centuries ago.

Cult was trying to read him,
that's where they come from.

Okay. So we close the Gate.
How hard could it be?

The Gates...

are not Gates. It's a stigmata
on a person on their hands.

And as the Gates open,
more assassins are unleashed.

Assassins?

Yeah, and I don't mean MILFs
with cleavers. Look...

The only way to close the Gates

is to find the person with the
stigmata and sew the wound shut.

Any of you know how to sew?

Wow. Suddenly I'm useful.

To fight assassins. Of course.

I can knit.

I knit, okay?

Dental floss?

Janis Joplin's dental floss.

The strongest known
spiritual thread in the world,

the only thing powerful
enough to sew the Gates shut.

Now, listen closely.

Don't be idiots.
Don't fart around.

Just close the Gates.

I'm going with Hammerhead.

This place will be
crawling with assassins.

I should go.

Okay, except,
I'm going with Hammerhead.

Okay.
Cliff goes with Hammerhead.

The rest of us will stay here
and protect the kid.

Exactly where are these Gates?

Good question.

This will tell us where.

Fuck it all. My last piece.

- Chewing gum?
- "Knowing gum."

It'll give me the answer.

Where can we find
the Gates of Nurnheim?

He swallowed it.

Was that on purpose?

That never digests, you know.
It's in there forever now.

Got it.

Thank you, Flit.

Okay, Hammerhead.

Before the world ends, you mind telling
me what put me on your shit list?

And what the hell
Paraguay means?

Fuck!

- What?
- If I tell you, will you leave me alone?

Sure.

Paraguay was an eye-opener.

All that carnage, the blood.

You had Jane conned pretty
good, but I know better.

Cliff, you're a fucking monster.

You're just another bundle
of toxic masculinity.

Wow! That's rich

coming from someone who calls
themself "Hammerhead."

I've seen you in action.

You're every bit
as aggressive as I am.

The difference is I exist
for a reason.

What the fuck is your excuse?

We need to be prepared in case
they can't close the Gates.

Or the magic cloaking
doesn't work.

This was never just about
relying on your magic.

We're prepared to fight.

I'll secure the perimeter and make
sure everything is locked up tight.

Larry...

Can you stay close to the kid in
case anything gets through us?

Sure.

I need hot sauce.

Check the fridge upstairs.

You think Larry
is different from me?

He'll be the first to tell you
he's no hero. None of us are.

I don't see it that way.

You can't make us
into something we're not, Vic.

No matter how much
you have to prove...

I'm not here to prove anything.

Bullshit.

You know what?
Maybe you're right.

Maybe Larry's not a hero.

But that thing inside him is.

It might also be insane.

Look at this fucking place.

Hello?

How many lives
were wrecked here, you think?

In the shadows?

Um...

I'm a little too busy in my own slasher
flick here to get into all that now.

Hello? Who's in there?

Hey. Easy. Whoa, whoa, padre.
We're here to help stitch you up.

Me llamo Cliff.

Cliff. Well, that's all
the Spanish I got.

Right.
Let's keep it short and sweet.

All right.
Hammerhead, you ready?

Hammerhead?

Hammerhead, help me close this
guy's stupid hand gate things!

Right.

Here.

- Let me help you, motherfucker!
- Whoa, whoa.

Just like you helped all those
people who trusted you!

What the hell are you doing...

She trusted you!

I don't know
what happened to you,

but this isn't about that.

Fuck you!

Wait! Wait!

Shit.

Is this Nurnheim?

Are we in goddamn Nurnheim?

This isn't snow.

You really shit the bed
on this one, didn't you?

That fucknut magician
gave us one job.

To stop the end of the world.
But, no...

You had to kick the Gate
wide open and drag me with you!

I'm sorry, sir.
Wait. Which one are you?

Penny Farthing, sir.

Please don't hurt me, sir.

Where's Hammerhead?

I'm stuck in Nurnheim

and I don't even get to
yell at Hammerhead?

I'm sorry, sir.
Hammerhead has been relieved.

The church was too provocative.

God damn it!

You feel like
we've seen this place before?

No, sir. I'm sorry.

Say you're sorry one more time.

Interlopers!

You have no business here.

That is technically true.

You will come with us.

All right.
Penny, you ready to fight?

Yes, sir.

Seriously?

Okay, you know
you fucked all the way up now.

You're pissing me off
even more than she did.

Nurnheim sucks.

What are you doing?

Nothing guards a threshold

like a rosary that's been enchanted
and spiced. And one on each door.

If they can get through that,
grab the kid,

well, fuck it all.

World's meant to end.

That incantation...

"Love Me Do."
Or a reasonable facsimile.

"Hard Day's Night"
is much stronger, but...

can never remember the words.

Don't question the magic.

Worked well for us so far,
hasn't it?

I'm sorry. You really think
this is gonna save me?

I've done all I can, boy.

Let's be honest,

I'm half pissed and the rest of you
lot are jarringly incompetent.

But, good luck to us all?

Grid, run a system evaluation.

Category, integrated weapons.

We all locked up?

As good as a rickety old
house can be.

I'd be happier knowing that your
friends have got the Gates closed.

You stoned?

Running a weapons inventory.

Me too.

Scotch. Check.
Vodka. Check. Bourbon. Check.

Gin. Check.

Are you sure you don't want a clear head
in case we have to throw down later?

God, no.

If we're fighting,
I wanna be properly rat-assed.

No.

So, what's your plan?

You zap everything
that comes through that door?

Zap? Yeah, amongst other things.

A lot of faith
to put in gadgets.

The Book's not being hunted
by a pack of muggers.

I'll take science over whatever it
is that you do any day of the week.

Nobody's rooting
harder for you than I.

But if your science and my whatever
it is that I do don't work...

we're gonna have to
reexamine our options.

Are you talking about
killing the kid?

I'm talking about
destroying the Book.

That Book has a name.

Elliot.

And there is no way I'm killing him.
Or anyone for that matter.

'Cause you're a hero.

And what are you exactly?
Seriously?

How the hell did Niles
ever get mixed up with you?

The man that I've known
since I was six

wouldn't even dream of
what you're suggesting.

Sounds like you and I know
two different Niles Caulders.

You and the rest of those idiots

have your "Chief."

A kindly uncle, quick with a pat on
the back and some friendly advice.

And you've got Niles,
the cold-blooded killer?

I've got a man

who'll make the decisions that have to
be made to keep the world spinning.

A man who's willing to live with those
decisions and forever be haunted by them.

It's okay.

You're young.

You can afford to
be a little stupid.

If you're lucky,

maybe you'll live
a little longer.

Maybe they'll pack you
into a few dark corners.

Then you may surprise yourself
what you're really capable of.

Maybe you shouldn't have
your phone on.

Someone could track us.

That's a beauty.

Yeah.

Fixed it up together.

All three of us.
Couple hours a day.

We did everything together.

I'm sorry, Elliot.

You know,
they were my only friends.

I don't even know
if they loved me.

They told me I had a destiny.

I was gonna be a hero.

Save the world.

But this, I...

I don't want this.

I hate that word.

"Hero."

It's dangerous.

A title other people hang on you

and you're supposed to
carry it around.

But that's what
you all are, right?

No.

I tried being a hero once and
I destroyed everything I had.

You're lucky.

Lucky?

You can't live for other people.

You have to be true to yourself.

You're learning that now.

Took me a lifetime
to figure that out.

I don't have a lifetime.

You heard Kipling.
The Cult's after me.

They're gonna take me, they're
gonna read me and we die.

- You don't know that.
- I should've just stayed at home.

Let them read me,
get it over with.

Don't say that, Elliot.
Try to have a little faith.

Faith?

I just saw my fucking mom slit my
dad's throat! Fuck your faith!

I'm sorry.

The whole world's gonna end
'cause of me.

Maybe I should just take care of this
on my own. Just fucking kill myself.

John Bowers.
He was your mechanic.

Yes, I know who he is.
I just don't feel like talking about him.

- And why is that?
- Because it's pointless.

I don't think you believe that.

How many times
do we have to go into my past?

The people I know...

God.

Or knew
had nothing to do with this.

This is the result
of catching a bad ride.

Do you want the world to end?

Is that it?

You think that'll
get you out of me for good?

What in God's name do you want?

Why do you keep
prodding me like this?

I don't have time
to play games with you.

There you are.

Look, I know it's easier for you to
come out when he's under duress,

but we really must work on that.

I have something to show you.

Now, I know we've tried to communicate
in several ways with limited success.

But I have a feeling
I have nailed it this time.

This device could be the answer.

You are composed of an energy
yet to be discovered.

This is designed to
convert energy

into an audible frequency.

All I need is for you to enter
this machine so we may attempt

to find your voice.

What do you say?

I only want to help you.

Both of you.

Very good.

Now, I'm going to ask you
some simple questions

and I want you to answer
through speech if you can.

Do you have a name?

Where do you come from?

Where do you call home?

Do you remember coming into contact
with Captain Trainor's plane?

How do you sustain yourself
in Captain Trainor's body?

How do you live in there?

Torture.

How's that?

Torture? How?

Physically?

No. Hold on.

Let's keep going.

I have many more questions
I want to ask you.

How do you sustain yourself
in Captain Trainor's body?

How do you live in there?

Torture.

How's that? Torture? How?

Physically?

No. Hold on.

Let's keep going.

I have many more questions
for you.

So Larry's a hero
all of a sudden and I'm out?

That's how it's going to be,
you arrogant can opener?

No one's forcing
you to be a part of this.

We know where you stand.

My eye.

You idiots want to hold up here and wait for
something horrible to carve you to pieces?

Be my guest.

Elliot. Elliot. What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Aren't you supposed to be
downstairs with Larry?

Why? So I'll be safe?

It's all pointless.

I'm fighting destiny. Why?

My life's destroyed anyway,
so...

Decided I'd help everybody out
and just kill myself.

Well, this is
only the second floor.

You wouldn't kill yourself.

Maybe break an arm or a leg.

Plus, to be fair, you'd have to die and be
burned if you wanted to really save everyone.

It doesn't matter.

'Cause I'm so weak,
I couldn't even try.

I'm a failure.

I'm a failure. And the whole
world's gonna pay for it.

Hey, stop that.

It's going to be okay.

Come here.

This world...

is a beautiful, horrible place.

It's spectacular.

You don't need the burden
of ending it.

Maybe the people
in this house can't save you.

We failed before.

But can you at least let us try?

Now what the hell?

Welcome, guests.

Giant clowns? Nope.

Run and the Hoodmen will
only gather you again.

You may stay as our guests.

I don't want to...

be stung.
It looked like it hurt.

So what the hell
are you supposed to be?

We are the Archons.

The high priests of Nurnheim.

Wait.

I know you.

You tried to steal
the Book from me.

You're the boy's parents.

We were, but we have ascended.

A reward for protecting the Unwritten
Book until its completion.

This is your reward?

All of Nurnheim is ours.

Dad's taking a real victory lap.

His suffering was brief.

As will be our glory.

Because soon
the Decreator will rise

and set right to existence

and then we,

all of us,

will cease to be.

I hate to break it to you,
but that's not gonna happen.

Because you are
going to stop us?

You're too late, guests.

All of Nurnheim has gone to retrieve
and read the Unwritten Book.

Good luck finding him. We put a spell
on him with weird spit and everything.

He's invisible to you.

You can't read
what you can't see.

But you're wrong.

We see everything.

Gone! You let him go?

What is wrong with you?

- I trusted you.
- I didn't do anything. It was him.

- Who's him?
- Why would he do that?

Don't you get it? Who's he?

He's just as screwed up as me.

You need to
pull yourself together.

Nobody's gonna explain
anything to me, are they?

Elliot is fine.
He's terrible, but he's fine.

- I thought you'd run off to...
- Kill myself?

Yeah, I was...
I was thinking about it.

She talked me into staying safe.

I don't know why, but I thought
this horse's ass could save him.

Get the boy downstairs.
It's them.

You're with me.
You take the hall.

Make sure
nobody comes downstairs. Go!

Can I trust you?

Can I trust it?

It does love a fight.

Hurry. Hurry.

Who in the world
put those there?

Willoughby did. They're magic.
They're supposed to protect the lab.

He dipped them in Sriracha.

Well, let's put them
back together again.

Grid, activate sonic canon.

Science.

What's that for?

Magic.

That's it. They're in.

- Dry bachelors. Of course.
- Dry bachelors?

Assassins. Pain surgeons.

Made out of dead skin and
letters that were never sent.

Anytime now.

Whenever you're ready.

Come on. Quit playing games.

Release, or whatever.

This isn't gonna work.

It's fine. It's totally fine.

- I don't wanna die.
- And you won't.

We're going to gather all the little
disgusting beads and keep you safe

while the others fight
whatever it is out there.

We're going to save the world
or whatever

and then I will have a stiff
Manhattan and go to bed.

I don't care about my destiny.

I don't care about saving the world.
I just don't want to die.

Listen, I was well on my way
out of here when you stopped me.

And God knows why,
I actually did something good.

I am being a good person and you are
absolutely ruing this moment for me.

So shut up and pick up
the stupid beads!

Behind you!

Nice science.

Nice magic.

What happened
to your arm gun thingy?

Uses up too much juice.

Besides...

we don't need it.

We got this.

Got them on the run.

Let's go clean 'em up.

No, it's not right.

They don't just leave.

What are those?

Jesus. Hoodmen.

It's the royal guard
of Nurnheim.

The robot and the lunatic must
have dropped the ball on this one.

This is bad.

Screw 'em. We keep fighting.

We gotta take these things
out, no matter what.

You're right. We do. Sorry.

Sorry for what?

Kipling, you...

- Here.
- Good. Check under the chair.

That won't be necessary.

- It's over?
- We won?

Not yet. But we will.

You have to take care of him.

There's too many of them.

No, please.

Elliot!

Grid, transfer all energy
to ionic grenade.

Contain it to the room
and let it rip!

So this is it? We just stare at
each other until the world ends?

Won't be long
until the Book is read.

I can feel it.

The Book? You mean your son?

To me, he is the Unwritten Book.

I gotta hand it to you, lady.

I've been a pretty shitty dad.

You know,
checked out for a while now.

But you take
the whole goddamn cake.

Raising your only kid

just so you can sacrifice him
to a death cult

after killing his dad
in front of him?

That there is some
top shelf bullshit.

Back me up here, Tiny Tim.

Very bad mother, sir.

That's only one perspective.

To you, I am a bad mother.

To many others, I was a
good custodian of the Book.

It was always happy.

No, that's not a perspective.
That's a delusion.

And the reality is
you're a fucking psychopath.

There is no reality.

There is only perception.

The way we see things.

The way we see ourselves.

No, this can't be real.
Hey, you seeing this?

Jane? Jane?

Jane?

Then there's
how we see each other.

Is this really how you see me?

Clara? You think I see Jane
as my daughter?

Stop this, please.

First...

You should see
your true essence.

You're nothing more than
an organ in a container.

Are you not?

You? Young Kay?

Scared and wounded child.

But soon
all will see what will be.

Because the Decreator
will make everything nothing.

My God. Is that the Decreator?

We're too late.

Maybe I should have done
"A Hard Day's Night."