Original subtitles

Your flesh is mortal,

and in the end, all mortal flesh must die.

Ms. Wardwell!

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just I...

It's just I saw you fleeing Principal Hawthorne's office, and...

Oh, that man, that man, that man, that man.

Did he say something just hideous to you?

- He... He... Um... - Want me to call your aunts?

See if they can come pick you up, take you home?

No. No. No, no, I'm fine. I just got light-headed, is all.

Thank you, Ms. Wardwell.

Here's a question, Aunties.

How can one witch get another witch's familiar to talk?

You're not allowed a familiar, per the rules of your house arrest.

I found it perched on the Kemper boy's casket.

I thought if I could get it to speak, maybe I could find out how Connor died.

You won't be able to. Familiars are bound to their witches.

It'll be dead soon.

The greatest agony it can know is a life without its master.

Give it here. I'll make it quick. Hilda can fashion it into a purse.

- No, it's mine. For now. - Yeah.

I'll, uh, try bribing it with some food, see if that works.

Would you like a little tomato?

Hey, you okay?

You're, like, a million miles away.

Yeah. Sorry, I'm fine. I was just having an out-of-body experience, but I'm back.

Great! There you guys are.

You will not believe the fascism afoot at Baxter High.

So, I go to get my book assignment approved from Mr. Garland,

and you know what he says?

No. Rejected.

Because my book has been deemed problematic.

- Wait, but The Bluest Eye is a classic. - Exactly!

No one should get to decide what we can and can't read.

Agreed.

How can we help, Roz? No, how can WICCA help?

I mean, that's why our club exists.

We'll take the fight to Hawthorne. Right, Sabrina?

Um... yeah. Absolutely, if that's what Roz wants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Firstly, let me say very clearly and for the record,

we do not ban books at Baxter High.

Miss Spellman, have I grown a second head?

No. No, no, no, sir.

Okay. Then why are you looking at me as if I had?

Principal Hawthorne, why did Mr. Garland say no to The Bluest Eye,

and call it controversial?

The book that you proposed has very graphic passages.

I'm certain that Mr. Garland would've raised the same objections

had you proposed A Clockwork Orange or Lolita.

So you're saying those books are banned as well?

I'm saying that this is a public school,

and certain topics and titles

have no place in the hands of impressionable youths.

♪ I'm a wild, wild woman ♪

♪ I'm a wild, wild woman ♪

Wait, Roz, what are you doing? What exactly are you expecting to find?

I just... I don't believe Hawthorne for one second.

He may not officially ban books, but here, Susie, look this up.

Sabrina, see if you can find this one.

♪ I'm the keeper of the treasure ♪

♪ Hunted by every man in sight ♪

♪ I see shadows on the skeletons ♪

♪ Of everything I've done ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Ms. Curtis, we have a problem.

Uh, this stack of cards. None of these books are on the shelves.

Yes, I believe these books have been checked out.

For a while.

What do you mean?

Well, you didn't hear this from me, but a few years back,

there was a... a soft purge of bad books.

Aunt Zelda?

Hilda? You're not gonna believe what happened at school today.

Oh, we can imagine.

Do you know what this is?

I'll tell you. It's an Infernal Summons.

A what now?

Well, you've been charged with a rather antiquated offense, dearest.

Breach of Promise.

You made a promise to sign the Dark Lord's Book of the Beast and then,

when you ran in horror from your dark baptism,

you broke it.

You humiliated our master in front of the entire coven,

and now, you will be judged and tried in front of the entire coven.

Never, in all my years, has a Spellman been summoned

to the Court of Witches.

I don't understand. Someone is suing me?

The Dark Lord.

He's determined to get you on the Path of Night.

I saw him today, the Dark Lord.

He took possession of Principal Hawthorne and threatened me.

Did you hear that, sister?

Can you imagine how enraged he must be?

Well, it doesn't matter. I don't want to be a part of his coven,

I don't want to step foot in the Academy of Unseen Arts,

and I am certainly not gonna stand trial.

Oh, you most certainly are, Sabrina. You've been summoned.

And not only you. Hilda and I as well.

We're on trial too.

That doesn't make any sense.

Well, we're your legal guardians, lamb.

So, in the eyes of the Court of the Witches,

your actions are our actions.

- We're as guilty as you. - Don't you mean innocent?

- Innocent until proven guilty? - That's mortal law.

Witch law is the complete opposite. Guilty until proven innocent.

Do you know what this is?

It's your Aunt Hilda's tooth.

We have been stripped of our powers.

Which means that we will age and rot, rapidly, until a verdict is reached.

Your trial begins at midnight.

I didn't promise the Dark Lord anything.

I didn't sign the Book of the Beast.

And yet, I still have to go to court and be punished.

Can't I fight this somehow?

You can, but you'll need help.

Have you ever heard of a man named Daniel Webster?

I don't think so.

He's a lawyer and occultist who specializes in witch law.

Total legend.

He's mortal, but, uh...

he's rumored to have once beaten the Devil himself.

- I'm in. - Mmm-hmm.

- Where does he live? - That's the kismet part.

He lives right here. In Greendale.

Willingly?

- Why? - Don't know.

Bit reclusive, maybe?

You're going to be the Dark Lord's prosecutor, I imagine.

I don't relish it, but that is one of my duties as High Priest, yes.

Please, Faustus, Sabrina made a foolish, impetuous mistake.

Couldn't we settle this between ourselves?

You, me, the Dark Lord...

without the embarrassing spectacle of a public trial?

The wheels of justice are already turning, Zelda.

However...

come tonight... with Sabrina...

have her admit her wrongdoing and beg for forgiveness, immediately.

The Dark Lord is not without mercy.

But he'll require total submission from the girl.

And he shall have it.

I promise you.

Poor Zelda.

Already, I see the ravages of age upon you.

Thank you for your time, Faustus.

See you in court.

I don't enjoy being watched.

The girl is my charge.

I can't risk leaving her fate in...

lesser hands.

And yet it is your own incompetence

that has brought us to this moment.

I eased her to the altar,

as is my way.

A hand on her shoulder,

a whisper in her ear.

But she was at the altar, Blackwood.

You failed to get the signature.

My dear demoness...

your methods are weak,

your will is womanly.

Now I will be the hammer...

that drives this nail home.

As you're blunt, like a hammer, that's true.

But don't underestimate her, warlock.

And don't disrespect me.

High Priest or not...

you're still a man.

And I feast...

on male flesh.

Are you Daniel Webster?

No.

Why? What do you want?

My name is Sabrina Spellman.

Spellman?

And I need a lawyer... to fight the Devil.

I'd offer you a seat, but that would encourage you to stay, so...

Mr. Webster, I'm being charged with Breach of Promise.

I ran from my Dark Baptism.

You know what that is, right?

Oh, yeah. I'm familiar.

So what? You, uh, born again?

Renounced Satan?

No. No, I... I'm a half-witch.

They lied and coerced me, but I didn't sign the Book of the Beast.

And now my family is being punished.

I have to be in court tonight, in a few hours, and...

and I heard you might be able to help me.

No.

Sorry.

I don't practice anymore.

Breach of Promise, that's tricky.

Well, good luck to you.

Hell and damnation.

Hey, these are good, Harv.

I mean, they're messed up.

You're a twisted little weirdo.

Thanks, Tommy.

I showed them to the guy that runs the bookstore.

The vampire guy, you mean?

Dr. Cerberus, yeah.

He said I could do some posters for his store.

Maybe even work there weekends, if I wanted.

That your idea of a joke?

You want to hang out in the back of a comic book shop

with some pervert who plays dress-up?

Dad, jeez, relax.

You want a job, Harvey?

I've got a job for you. In the mines.

- You'll start with a shift this week. - Dad, we can manage fine without...

You heard him, Tom.

Your brother's ready to work, and I'm giving him work. End of story.

Remember, ladies,

we carry ourselves with aplomb and dignity.

We admit our wrongs, accept our punishment,

and try to put this whole sordid mess behind us.

Isn't that right, Sabrina?

Do I have a choice?

Not really, no.

We, the profane...

gather here tonight in this sacrilegious Court

to serve the Dark Lord's justice.

A deplorable crime has been committed against our master and savior.

- Hail Satan! Praise him! - Praise Satan.

Sabrina Spellman stands accused before The Infernal Three,

guilty of breaking her promise, her pledge, to the Dark Lord.

Sabrina Spellman, stand.

When the accused is confirmed guilty,

not only will she abandon her mortal life immediately,

but, upon her death, she shall burn for 333 years in the Pit,

as his pleasure demands.

Accused, how plead you?

I... I...

She pleads not guilty.

Mr. Webster.

You are not unknown to this court, but you are unwelcome, sir, and uninvited.

Untrue, sir.

- Where my client goes... I follow. - Client?

- Sabrina? - He's my lawyer, Aunt Zelda.

As if things weren't dire enough,

you go and hire this mortal pettifogger behind our backs.

With all due respect, madam, I am well-versed in witch law.

Oh, I know exactly who you are, Mr. Webster.

I remember you sniffing around my brother years ago.

A hanger-on, a dilettante.

Wait. You knew my father?

He's the reason I came to Greendale.

Your father taught me witch law...

offered me comfort when there was none.

He helped me out.

I'd like to return the favor.

Do you know what Breach of Promise means, Miss Spellman?

It's when you make a promise, and then break it.

Which I, categorically, did not do.

It is most commonly invoked

when a groom runs out on a bride he's promised to wed.

I only mention that, because...

...well, were you and the Dark Lord not courting

in advance of your Dark Baptism?

"Courting"? In what way?

Did you not willingly go into the woods that night?

Wearing, of all things, a wedding dress?

Fact is, you gave every indication

that it was your intention to fulfill a promise made.

You showed up for a ceremony you'd committed to

and then, at the moment of consummation, you fled.

You broke your promise.

That's all.

Guilty!

Tramp!

Sabrina, members of the court,

where is the tangible proof?

If this baptism is to be considered a wedding,

where is the marriage license?

The blood tests this great township demands?

Show me the signatures!

Hell, show me the groom!

No contract.

No promise.

No case.

Your Dishonors...

I'd like to submit into evidence our most unholy grimoire,

the Book of the Beast.

Miss Spellman, would you be so kind as to open it to the page I've indicated?

Would you please read the name that's been written... there?

Nice and loud, child.

It says, "Sabrina Spellman."

But...

I don't understand this.

This is dated only a few days after I was...

Your Dishonors, are we to believe that a baby signed the Book of the Beast

three days after she was born?

This is obviously a fraud, a blatant forgery.

I call to the stand Zelda Phiona Spellman.

What? Impossible!

Aunt Zelda, what's happening?

Ms. Spellman. Zelda.

Take us back to this date written here.

Of course, Your Excellency.

I...

I accompanied my brother into the Greendale Wood.

In his arms, he carried his newborn daughter... Sabrina.

When we reached a clearing, he placed the babe on an altar, and...

signed her name in the Book of the Beast.

Promising her soul to the Dark Lord.

What?

Now it makes sense!

All your strong-arming trying to get me to sign.

You were just trying to cover up the fact

that you had already pawned me off to the Dark Lord like a used car.

You were never meant to find out.

You were meant to choose the Path of Night

and sign your name willingly. That way...

That way, I never would've found out about my father's betrayal and yours?

Edward needed a witness.

Why would he do that to me?

A certain bargain had been struck,

and the price your father paid for it was your name in that book.

What could've been worth it?

Permission to marry your mother.

The Dark Lord granted it in exchange for...

For me... his daughter.

And you stood there, and you watched him do it, Aunt Zelda!

You helped him do it!

Daddy?

Why did you let me die, Daddy?

It hurt so much.

Stop.

You should be spending your time getting ready to join me down here, Daddy.

Not defending a useless, backwoods, half-breed witch.

Tick-tock, Daniel Webster.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Caffeine not kicking in yet?

I didn't sleep very well.

My Aunt Zelda and I got into a fight, and...

Is it okay if we don't talk about it? I'm sorry.

Of course.

I got into it with my old man last night, too.

He's, uh... making me start work at the mines.

What? Why? You hate the mines.

I don't just... ...hate them, Sabrina, I...

What? What?

What is it?

Eight years ago, I was playing hide-and-seek

with Tommy and a couple of his buddies.

And I, like an idiot, decided to go hide in the mines.

And I'm in there, alone.

Half-an-hour goes by, and then an hour...

and no one finds me.

And I'm trying to get back to the mine entrance.

And then I...

And then I saw it, Sabrina.

What?

It's gonna sound crazy, but I swear to God it...

It looked like a goat.

Only bigger, and standing upright on its hind legs, and it...

it smelled like a... a book of matches had been struck.

Brimstone.

And it terrified me.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

I started to cry.

I was still crying when Tommy found me five hours later.

It's been years.

No one else has seen the goat guy.

But I keep thinking...

Sabrina, what if it's still down there...

waiting for me?

Take one. It's required reading. There you go. Here, take it.

- You'll never guess, Sabrina. - What's happening, Ms. Wardwell?

Well, the young ladies of W-I-C-C-A, that's WICCA to you, Mr. Kinkle,

are making their voices heard.

Thank you. Thank you.

Here's a list of books Baxter High doesn't want you to read!

And they also happen to be great works of literature.

You guys, when did you do this?

- Last night. - I mean, they're just books, you know.

What are people so afraid of? That Principal Hawthorne's gonna...

Ladies, about your claims.

You can't punish someone for handing out flyers, Principal Hawthorne.

On the contrary, Miss Spellman,

I just wanted Miss Walker to know that I called the PTA and the school board

about The Bluest Eye.

They are reviewing the matter,

and will come back to me tomorrow with their thoughts.

You're welcome, Miss Walker.

Did you know him well?

Connor?

We dated a few times, but...

I'm sorry for your loss.

- My name's Ambrose, by the way. - Luke.

I, uh...

I'm just gonna miss him, that's all.

Him and that stupid lizard of his.

- He took it everywhere. - Hmm.

Yeah, or it followed him.

They never stray far, do they?

Are you saying you're familiar... with iguanas like that?

I'm saying that I know Connor was very...

attached to it.

- They had a bond. - Because I have him.

Upstairs.

In my room.

If you wanted to say hi.

I should go.

But... another time maybe.

By the autumn of 1805,

the men of the Lewis and Clark Expedition were starving, desperate,

and running out of time.

Just before them lay the Continental Divide,

and just beyond that...

Why are you helping me?

What do you want out of this, Defender of the Damned?

Oh.

Okay. So you know.

The people you've helped set free, murderers and monsters.

The kinds of crimes they've committed.

- Everyone's entitled to a defense. - Not you. You're fired.

Wait! Sabrina, stop.

I've been where you are right now, trapped by the Devil.

I made a deal, a long time ago,

to be the greatest lawyer in the world.

I was young and ambitious.

And I signed my name away.

A different book...

but the same beast.

And what do you know? I started winning cases.

And by the time I realized the only cases I got were the most depraved,

the most obscene, it was too late.

And that was his little trick, you see. And there's always a trick.

And a price.

I set a man free...

who had done unspeakable things to a number of women.

And after I freed him,

when I wasn't home, he broke in...

and he did those things...

to my daughter.

Oh, no.

Now I know that I have done more than my share of bad in the past.

But I think... that I might be able to save you.

If you'll let me.

It's a long shot...

but maybe.

Ms. Spellman, both you and your sister are certified midwives.

- Yes. - Yes.

You have delivered many babies in the witch community,

including your own niece, Sabrina.

- Yes. - Yes.

Can you verify for the court, then...

was Sabrina born of mortal woman?

- She was, yes. - Absolutely, yes.

Making her half-witch, half-mortal and, therefore,

only half-subject to the laws of this court!

This is absurd, Your Dishonors.

No, sir, it is her right!

I demand a jury of mortals!

And a change of venue!

I reject the authority of this court over my client!

Disorder in the court!

- "Psst! Open the window, Mark." - Judas Priest!

Luke.

How did you get in here?

You invited me earlier, remember?

- So what, you're a vampire? - No, I'm a warlock.

Like Connor was. Like you are.

Aren't you?

The prosecution

and witching community are familiar with human law, Mr. Webster.

If Sabrina's true, dominant nature is to be determined mortal or witch,

so be it.

We shall invoke human laws to test her.

- That is not what I was suggesting. - One:

We may subject Sabrina to trial by water.

She will be bound and dropped into the river.

If she floats, she's a witch.

If she drowns, she's human. And free to go.

- Unacceptable! - Or two:

The accused will submit to being stripped and examined,

in full view of the coven, for a witch's mark upon her body.

Should a mark be identified, this trial continues, uninterrupted.

Should no mark be found,

this court will be forced to recognize her so-called "humanity."

Yes!

Absolutely not, I forbid it!

Sit down, Zelda, before you collapse. You're skin and bone.

Sabrina, I have to ask.

Do you even know if you have a mark?

Let's start there.

Perhaps there's another way.

You'll excuse my unannounced visitation, but I come bearing felicitous tidings.

I've pleaded on your behalf to the Dark Lord,

and he has offered a path

through this thicket.

Praise Satan!

The Dark Lord will waive your punishment in the Pit.

He will even allow you yearly visitations with your mortal friends,

but... you must ratify your signature in the Book of the Beast,

and you must withdraw from Baxter High,

and begin your studies at the Academy of Unseen Arts immediately.

But this is perfect! Sabrina!

We'll await your answer tomorrow night in court.

Ladies.

Sir.

We will not take this deal.

But the Dark Lord has been moved by our plight to show mercy.

- Do you know how rare that is? - She's right. So think about that.

Why offer a deal? It's a trick.

Remember whom you're dealing with!

Uh-huh.

Still got it, Spellman.

I guess you couldn't live without Connor, little one.

- What are you smiling at? - What? Nothing.

It's just...

You get this look on your face when you're thinking stuff over...

and I always wonder what it is, because you look so serious.

Harvey, can I talk to you about something...

that is serious?

Always.

I... have to ask you for a favor,

and it's gonna sound crazy...

but it's important.

I can do crazy.

And important.

My aunts say every Spellman has a birthmark,

but I can't find one and I have to be sure,

one way or the other.

Will you look?

For a birthmark?

- I'm so confused right now. - Me too. I'm super confused about, well...

everything, except you.

- I'm not confused about you. - Me neither.

Because I love you, and I trust you to do the right thing,

and to tell me the truth.

In fact, I trust you more than I do anyone else right now.

Fair is fair, right?

Before you keep looking...

Hey.

What's wrong?

We got called into Principal Hawthorne's office

because he had some news about the book banning...

The PTA said they'd hold a town hall meeting,

where we could present our case to the school board. In three months.

Okay, well, three weeks, three months,

even if it takes three whole years, Roz, we're gonna make them understand.

That's what I said. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, no.

I know.

Three months is not that long.

Roz, what's going on?

I'm sorry.

I'm always trying to do what my dad said,

"Pray and face it bravely."

That's his solution for everything.

But prayer's not gonna stop it.

Stop what?

Myopic atrophy.

Dr. Spector says that, uh...

in about three months...

maybe less,

the ugliest, thickest glasses in the world aren't gonna stop me

from going totally blind.

You know, I even counted how many books...

I could realistically read before it's too late.

That's why every single one is important.

It's a short shift. Couple hours' hard work,

back up topside with some dirt on your face.

It'll shut Dad up.

You'll be on my crew, and I promise,

I won't let you outta my... sight.

Harv?

Harvey?

Harv?

It's okay.

Just... take a breath.

Tommy... I can't.

- It's okay. It's okay. - I can't. I just...

I know.

I remember.

Look, for today, why don't you head home?

We'll try again later.

- But Dad said... - I'll see you at the house when I'm done.

It's okay, Harv, I promise.

Aunties, Mr. Webster, I've made my decision.

I'm not taking the deal. I'll submit to Blackwood's exam.

I don't have a witch's mark, so there's nothing to lose.

Except your dignity.

- Aunt Zelda. - Back into the fray, then, eh, cousin?

When they find out I don't have a mark, Mr. Webster, what happens then?

We demand a retrial...

in human court, where you're innocent until proven guilty.

And we demand that my aunties' powers and youth are restored.

It's non-negotiable.

Thank you for that, sweetheart, but to be stripped and pawed...

I've had worse done to me.

Besides, there are a lot of people facing their fears right now,

fighting battles they know they're not gonna win.

So, if this is mine, well, then let's get it over with.

But no tricks, no plea bargains.

We should go. I'll be outside.

It keeps getting worse and worse for her.

- Where do you think you're going? - Upstairs.

Don't follow me. Don't wait for me.

Just get her to the court.

You're not the only one with secrets, Zelda Spellman.

Harvey!

Harvey!

Boy, when I tell you to do something,

- you do it! - Hey, Dad, get the hell off me!

Dad, stop it!

You better watch yourself.

And you, you're gonna get in that damn mine,

and work an honest-to-God shift.

- He's gonna start pulling his weight. - I'll get more guys.

Push comes to shove, I'll take his shifts, but Harvey's done, Dad.

I'm not gonna let him waste his life like...

Sabrina, am I to understand that you come now before this court

to endure the test of the witch's mark,

as described and demanded by your mortal laws?

Yes, Father Blackwood.

We request the examination be held in closed chambers.

- Denied. - Stop.

Stop! Stop!

If this is some feeble attempt to delay the agreed-upon course of action...

You're sure?

Your Dishonors, I call Hildegard Antoinette Spellman to the stand!

This is unacceptable! The test is about to begin!

- I demand that... - Hilda Spellman, approach us.

I have new evidence to submit to the court.

Ms. Spellman, please read the name printed here on this document.

Yes. It reads, um, "Sabrina Spellman."

Witnessed by...

Witnessed by her mother, Diana Spellman...

and, well, me, Hilda Spellman.

I offer in evidence a baptismal certificate...

from the Holy Mother Church of Greendale.

Your Dishonors, if this certificate is authentic...

it would seem we have competing claims upon the soul of Sabrina Spellman.

No, sir, what we have is a binding contract,

witnessed by her mother...

notarized and dated one day before Edward Spellman inscribed

his daughter's name in the Book of the Beast...

thereby rendering the aforementioned inscription...

the agreed-upon promise, null and void, QED!

These last-minute theatrics make a mockery of this court!

This... is spurious, this is outrageous!

No, I'll tell you what's outrageous, Father Blackwood.

The Dark Lord's behavior!

Well, now.

I'd say you just forced the Devil to the bargaining table.

And I've been summoned to the court's private chambers.

How could you, Hilda?

How's it any different to your secret with Edward?

It's completely different! And appalling!

A Christian church?

Have you no shame? Have you no pride?

So, Dad didn't know that Mom had me baptized?

In secret?

- Why? - She said not to tell him.

I just assumed it was Diana being sentimental.

Perhaps she suspected what Edward had planned.

- So they were both deceivers. - Sabrina!

Honor Thy Father and Mother!

No more secrets, Aunties.

Do you understand?

No more lying to me about my own family...

ever again.

Due to conflicts of contract, baptism, and breeding,

the Hellbound Court of Greendale decrees that Sabrina Spellman...

shall retain her mortal life...

...on the condition that she also attend the Academy of Unseen Arts...

as well as weekly Black Mass.

Think of it as dual-citizenship.

Your Dishonors...

I accept.

So be it.

This court is adjourned to the shadows.

Full powers are restored to the Spellman family.

Praise Satan! I'm young again!

Mr. Webster?

Won't you come over to our house to celebrate?

It's late and I'm old.

Another time.

Well... thank you.

For helping me win.

Some advice.

Take advantage of this qualified victory.

Learn everything you can about your adversary.

And fight... for what's yours.

Nobody's ever beaten the Devil...

but you just might.

That was Father Blackwood calling.

It seems, Hilda, that you've been excommunicated from the Church of Night.

What?

- They can't do that, can they? - They most certainly can.

And should.

You took part in a Catholic baptism.

You've cast doubt on our devotion to the Church of Night.

And our Dark Lord is a vengeful lord.

What do I do now, then?

Sister?

Be grateful excommunication is all that's being done to you.

Did you come to congratulate me?

No.

And congratulate you on what?

A half-victory is no victory at all.

I delivered on my promise to get her into the academy.

And now that she's under my watch and authority...

I'll bend her to my will.

- Or break her. - Hmm.

It's always brute force with you men, isn't it?

But real corruption...

is a thin, subtle blade.

Sabrina's strength,

the bonds that must be severed, are those to the mortals around her.

The people she loves.

But not to worry. I'm quite good at tearing souls apart.

One piece at a time.

There you are! We've been looking all over for you!

Come with me.

What is this?

What's going on?

Sabrina. Rosalind.

Welcome to Baxter High's new, secret book club.

Sponsored by W-I-C-C-A.

Banned titles only.

With you leading the group, of course.

Aw!

I'm so proud of you girls.

We're gonna have such great fun reading all those juicy,

forbidden novels that they don't want us to.

I've got quite a list.

A little something for each of you.

Brett, move your head.