All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 03x16 - Grab That Dough.

(music) Thank you for being a friend

(music) Traveled down the road and back again

(music) Your heart is true

(music) You're a pal and a confidant

(music) And if you threw a party

(music) Invited everyone you knew

(music) You would see

(music) The biggest gift would be from me

(music) And the card attached would say

(music) Thank you for being a friend (music)

[Dorothy] Hi, Ma.
You want some dinner?

Forget dinner. Listen up, everybody.

I've got something
in this old lady purse

that's gonna make you scream,
holler and jump for joy.

Are the batteries included?

Hang on to your cannolis,
because the four of us

are gonna be contestants
on Grab That Dough.

Grab That Do... Ma, do you mean

that ridiculous game show where
people humiliate themselves

- for the sake of a dollar?
- That's the one.

[All yelling]

- I don't believe it.
- We're gonna be on TV.

I've been trying to get us
on for six months.

Oh, Grab That Dough
is my favorite game show.

Oh, mine too, and I think Guy
Corbin is the cutest host on TV.

He's like Gene Rayburn,
Chuck Woolery

and Bob Eubanks,
all rolled into one.

That's an awful lot
of teeth and polyester.

- Sophia, when are we gonna be on?
- Tomorrow afternoon in Hollywood.

You're kidding, Hollywood, California?

No, Rose, Hollywood
on the planet Romulak.

Wait a minute, Ma.
What do you mean, tomorrow?

That's what it says on these tickets.

Honey, they have to give us
more time than that.

Oh, Ma, these tickets were
sent out four months ago.

You gave them the wrong address.

Oh, yeah. Here it is,
my old address from Sicily.

Two miles west of Palermo,
underneath the old bridge.

You used to live under a bridge?

Yeah, we were wealthy.

Most people didn't have
a bridge to live under.

[Blanche] Well,
isn't that a shame.

- We won't be able to go.
- Why not?

You have a pressing
engagement with a cheesecake?

There's money involved here.

You know what, girls? She's right.

Now, we could catch the red eye.

We could be in Hollywood
tomorrow morning.

By tomorrow afternoon,
we would all be ready to...

[all chanting] Grab that dough!

[Rose] I can't believe that
stupid airline lost our luggage.

What are we gonna do?

Ask Blanche, she's the expert

when it comes to checking
into hotels without luggage.

I can't believe
somebody stole my bags.

Don't worry about it. With
all the money we're gonna win,

you'll replace those bags
and everything in them.

- Yeah, what about my bags?
- Relax, with your share,

you can have your bags
surgically removed.

Let's get to our rooms
and get some sleep.

- Good idea.
- Good morning, I'm Nancy.

- How may I help you?
- We have two double rooms

reserved under the name Zbornak.

I'm afraid I just gave
those two rooms away.

- But we had a reservation.
- Until 3am. You're late.

Therefore the reservation
is null and void.

I'm sorry, that's company policy.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm from Sicily
and you know what our policy is?

- First, I break your knees.
- Ma, Ma.

Look, forget about the reservation,
just give us two double rooms.

I'm afraid we're all booked up.

First you give away our rooms.
Now you tell us you're booked up.

- That's correct, madam.
- It is?

Hey, I'm pretty sharp
for three in the morning.

Here, let me handle this.

Nancy, honey.

Now, I don't generally like
to throw my name around,

but you really leave me no choice.

It so happens that I am
Miss Angie Dickinson.

And now, if you don't mind,
I would like two rooms.

You don't look like
Angie Dickinson to me.

I know, I have altered my appearance
for a very important movie role.

Yeah, it's about a woman
who eats her way

from behind the Iron Curtain.

I think we just better
go to another hotel.

I'm afraid that would be
an exercise in futility.

There's not a vacant room in the city.

Girls, this is terrible.

We're gonna be on national
television in seven hours.

We don't have any clothes,
now we don't have a place to sleep.

Look, I sympathize with your problem.

For $ 75 you can sleep in the lobby and
I won't have you arrested for loitering.

$ 75? That's a lot of money.

I know, ma'am. That's why I want it.

Oh!

Gee, this is just great.

I mean, everything this whole
night has been nothing but fun.

You really need to get out more, Rose.

Come on, Dorothy.
Admit you're having fun.

It's kind of like being on an adventure.

An adventure, my foot!
It's more like a nightmare.

We're gonna go on national TV
in clothes we slept in all night.

We'll look like hell.

We'll be exhausted, we won't be
able to answer any questions.

Would you stop complaining?
We've got it easy.

Back in Sicily, I was on
a game show. It was torture.

- What was it called, Sophia?
- I just told you. Torture.

Mussolini asked the questions

and you'd better have
the right answers.

Things like: Who do you
like better, me or Hitler?

Who's got the snappiest boots,
me or Hitler?

Who's got the cuter girlfriend,
me or Hitler?

And you always had to answer,
"Mussolini."

Otherwise, they forced you
to play the lightning round.

They used real lightning.

Oh, come on, Ma,
you're making this up.

Like hell, I did.

Goodson-Todman brought it
to the U.S.,

changed a few rules
and called it Tattle Tales.

Now count your blessings
and go to sleep. Good night.

[Moaning]

Fernando, you naughty boy.
Not the feathers.

Blanche, Blanche, wake up.
People are looking at you.

What? Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think I
was having an erotic dream.

Your father used
to do a thing with feathers

when we were first married.

He was too lazy to pull them off
the chicken so I put an end to that.

Ma, next time you have an urge
to stroll down memory lane,

do me a favor: Go by yourself.

What time are we supposed
to be at the studio?

I don't know,
I have to check the tickets.

Hand me my purse, Dorothy.

I don't have your pur...
Wait a minute, you have mine.

- I gave them to you.
- Hold everything.

- I think my purse is missing.
- So is mine!

Girls, you know what this means?

Somebody snuck in here
while we were asleep and...

[all] Grabbed our dough!

I'm sorry ladies,
but without a description,

there's absolutely
nothing we can do.

But if you remember anything,
give me a call.

How about if I just wanna say hello?

Dorothy, I'm in the ladies room,

I look in my brassiere,
what do you think I find?

Hopefully, what we all find
when we look in our brassieres.

I haven't been able to find those
since I nursed your brother Phil.

But I did find the
tickets to the game show.

- [Blanche] Sophia!
- [Rose] You're kidding!

I forgot, I put them
there for safekeeping.

Oh, Ma, I could just kiss you.

Uh, not until we locate
a toothbrush, okay?

Well, it is high time something
went right on this trip.

Yeah, we have to figure
out a way to get to the studio.

We can always walk.
It's only 39 blocks.

If we start right now,
we can still get there in time.

I have a better idea. We can hitchhike.

I can lift my skirt,
like that Clark Gable movie,

It Happened One Night.
We'll have a ride in no time.

Please, you lift up your skirt,

and someone might mistake your thigh
for the on ramp to the freeway.

Let's hit it!

Hello.

Wow, aren't you Tiffany Blane?

The lady on Grab That Dough
who stands in front of stuff

- and does this.
- Yes.

Yes, I am.

How do you do? I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
This is my mother, Sophia Petrillo.

And these are my friends,
Rose and Blanche.

We're competing on today's show.

Well, hello, Tiffany.
It's such a pleasure to meet you.

I want you to know that I
thought those pictures of you

in that sleazy girlie magazine
were so tastefully done.

By the way,

was that a real English bobby
spanking you there in front of Big Ben?

Now, ladies.

Would you like to meet
the other contestants?

Oh, look, look. There's Guy Corbin.

[Dorothy] Oh, what a hunk.

Oh, that man makes my Ovaltine boil.

Good morning, ladies.
Welcome to our show.

I'm Guy Corbin. And this
morning, I've arranged

something especially for you.

Fresh ground coffee
and prune Danish.

Tiffany? Why don't you tell them
all about it right now.

Dorothy, could I have a word
with you just a minute?

- Of course.
- Listen. I've been talking

to the other two contestants,

the Kaplan Brothers. I learned
some very interesting things.

Number one, they have won over
$40,000 in cash and prizes

on various game shows.

Dorothy, I think you and I
should team up with them.

Oh, Blanche. That's impossible. That
would mean dumping Ma and Rose.

I know, it's terrible. I feel
awful thinking about it, but face it,

if we team up with Fred and Willard,
we stand a better chance of winning.

Blanche, I am shocked that you
would even suggest such a thing.

Dorothy. Your mother
and Rose are dead weight.

Let's cut them loose
before they drag us down.

Blanche, you expect me to betray
one of my dearest friends,

not to mention my own mother,
just to win a few extra dollars.

- Yes.
- Okay, I'll do it.

All right, everyone.

We're about to go on the air.

Let's divide up into teams,
and remember...

...to jump up and down
and scream a lot!

- Come on, Dorothy, we're on.
- Sophia, Rose, honey.

Before you go out, there's
something you ought to know.

We're gonna team up with the Kaplans.

The Kaplan Brothers?

You mean you and Dorothy are
joining a country western band?

That's the Gatlin Brothers, Rose.

The Kaplan Brothers are
those gentlemen standing there.

You're dumping me and Rose
for those two yutzes?

Oh, Ma, believe me, it's for the best.

If we split up, we double our chances
of going home with something.

Cut the bull.

You don't want us 'cause you
think we're too stupid.

Thirty seconds to air,
take your places, please.

- Don't be mad, Ma.
- Get bent. We're gonna cream you.

- Yeah.
- We're gonna maul you.

[Rose] Yeah.

- We're gonna beat you into the ground.
- Yeah.

Okay, I'll give you Rose and $50
for your dumbest Kaplan Brother.

[Game show theme music plays]

[Announcer] It's time to play
Grab That Dough

with your host, Guy Corbin.

Thank you. Hello, everybody!
Welcome to Grab That Dough.

The show where all you really
need to know to win,

is how to make a fist.

Let's meet our lucky contestants.

First, on the green team,
we have Dorothy Zbornak,

an English teacher originally
from Brooklyn, New York.

She now lives in Miami
with her mother,

who will gladly pay anyone who
will take her out for a date.

Our second contestant is an
artist with an incredible body.

She runs her own museum,
speaks Chinese

and hopes to sail around
the world before she turns 40.

Wow, that must be a typo.

Welcome, Blanche Devereaux!

[Applause]

Our next two contestants
are brothers from Milwaukee.

Blanche, that entire introduction
was nothing but lies.

I know, and they just loved it.

Did you hear that applause?

Is that all you care about?
Money and applause?

And sex.

For which I generally get applause.

Our next contestant
is a family counselor.

She originally hails
from St. Olaf, Minnesota,

where she was voted the girl
most likely to get stuck in a tuba.

Welcome, Rose Nylund.

[Applause]

And last, but not least,
is a grandmother of six.

Sophia Petrillo.

Sophia, it says here that you and
Dorothy are mother and daughter.

No, Guy. Rose is my daughter now.

Dorothy, you're
the biggest disappointment

to hit the streets
since the AMC Pacer.

Say, it's time to play Grab That Dough.

Hands on buzzers.

Let's begin with our
trivia lightning round.

What famous Tennessee Williams play
was recently made into a film

- by Paul Newman?
- [Buzzer sounds]

- [Guy] Willard.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

- [Buzzer sounds]
- Rose.

- Was it The Glass Menagerie?
- That's correct for 100 points.

What innovative industrialist
invented the assembly line?

- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Guy] Willard.

I'm sorry, I did it again.

- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Guy] Sophia.

- Henry Ford.
- That's correct.

For another 100 points,
who is the current Secretary of State?

[Buzzer sounds]

- [Guy] Willard.
- Charles Schulz.

He created Peanuts.

I thought that was
George Washington Carver.

Willard, don't ever
touch your buzzer again.

- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Guy] Rose.

Is the correct answer George Schultz?

[Guy] That's correct.

Rose is on a roll and the blue team
is leading 300 to nothing.

I won!

- Shut up, Nylund.
- You shut up.

Why don't you both shut up
and answer this next question.

[Guy] For 100 points,

complete this famous saying:
"Better late than..."

- [buzzer sounds]
- Blanche.

Pregnant.

That's incorrect.

But certainly not untrue.

- [Buzzer sounds]
- Rose.

Guy, is it "Better late than never"?

Right you are, Rose.

[Bell rings]

That signals the end of
the trivia lightning round.

The blue team leads
with 400 points

while the green team trails
with a big fat zero.

We'll be right back to take
a spin on the big money wheel,

right after this commercial message.

- [Man] We're clear.
- Thanks.

So, Dorothy, how does it
feel to have a big fat zero?

We'll catch up!

I wasn't talking about your score,
I was talking about your partner.

We're too dumb, huh?
We're gonna whip your heinies.

The game's not over yet, Nylund.

It is for you, Devereaux.

Five seconds.

[Theme plays]

[Announcer] Once again,
here's Guy Corbin.

[Applause]

Welcome back. It's time to
spin the big money wheel

on Grab That Dough.
Spinners, mosey on down.

We'll start first with Blanche
from the green team.

Blanche, show us your stuff.

- You first, Mr. Game Show Host.
- Blanche, spin the wheel.

[Guy] You're landing on...

- [screams]
- Grab that dough!

Yes, Blanche,
you landed on "grab that dough."

- You know what that means?
- Yeah, we're shafted.

That's right, Sophia.

The green team
automatically wins a chance

to grab that dough
at our magic money machine.

Come this way.

Now, green team,
you have 15 seconds

to grab as much money as you
can. Who's going to grab today?

I'm going to grab today, Guy.

Wonderful, you ought to make quite a
haul with those meathooks. Tiffany.

Let's have our big money smock
and the big money goggles.

[Music plays]

Remember, Dorothy, you need to
grab $500 to beat the blue team

and get a chance at
what's behind the window.

Ready?

She's all ready to... grab that dough!

- [Bell rings]
- Oh, time's up.

[Guy] Oh! Let's see how she did.

Help her out.

Okay, Dorothy, let's see how you did.

100, 200, 300,

400, 500, six,

seven, eight, $900!

The green team makes
a miraculous comeback

and wins the game!

Oh, blue team, we don't want you
to go away empty handed,

you have $400, that's $100 a piece,

and you have the home
version of Grab That Dough

which attaches to any vacuum cleaner.

Thank you for being with us.

Cram it, piano teeth.

Now, green team, what are you
going to do with all that dough?

Are you going to keep it,

or are you going to trade it for
what's behind one of our windows?

I say, let's go for the window.

No, we have to discuss this
with everyone.

Okay, Guy, we're gonna go
for what's behind the window.

Will you take window one,

[Guy] window two,

[Guy] or window three?

[Whispering]

Window three, Guy.

All right, but first,
let's see what you didn't pick.

Behind window one,
brand new living room furniture.

Retail price for this magnificent prize,
$12,000.

But that's not what you picked.

Thanks for pointing that out.

You're welcome, Dorothy.

Let's see what's behind window two.

It's... a brand new car.

Yes, it's that beautiful sports car
you've always dreamed of.

Retail price, $23,000.

Now, Dorothy, Blanche,
Willard and Fred,

it's time to see what you
did pick. Are you ready?

- We're ready.
- Yes, yes.

Because have I got
something for you...

...a brand new electric skillet!

A what?

[Guy] An electric skillet
that's from Fry Quick.

It not only fries, it boils,
it bakes, it simmers...

It stinks!

My apologies to the
Fry Quick corporation.

But green team,
we're not finished with you yet.

You need something
to go in that skillet.

A car! We want a car!

No, a lifetime supply of soup!

Yes, it's soup, soup and more soup.

Every kind you can
imagine and it's yours

for the rest of your lifetime.

Well, that's our show for today, folks.

Contestants, come on down and
give a Grab That Dough goodbye.

Goodbye, everybody.

Thank goodness we're home.
That's the worst trip I've ever been on.

Blanche, how can you say that?

How can she say that?

We lost our luggage,
we slept in a hotel lobby,

our purses were stolen...

We won zippo on the game show.

But we still have our friendship.

We made up on the plane...

There was nothing else to do.

It was either that or watch
Three Amigos with the headset.

Well, I am gonna forget all about this
while soaking in a nice warm tub.

- Me, too.
- Rose, we only have one tub.

- I get the deep end.
- Rose!

Ma.

Ma, you're still mad at me,
aren't you?

Dorothy, you let greed
cloud your judgment.

Money blinded you. You turned
your back on the people you love.

You did a terrible, terrible thing.
It's unforgivable.

Ma, isn't there anything I can do
to make it up to you?

- Give me $100.
- Make it 50.

Done, I love you.