Original subtitles

When people finish their day and hurry home,

my day starts.

My diner is open from midnight to seven in the morning.

They call it "Midnight Diner."

Do I even have customers?

More than you would expect.

MIDNIGHT DINER: TOKYO STORIES

CORN DOG

Master, I got everything.

Thank you.

What took you so long?

This is Serao Kesera, a master comedian in Asakusa.

He suddenly requested pancakes,

so he made his ex-assistant Hajime go out to buy the ingredients.

Hey.

Hajime has become popular as a TV actor.

I hear that he is more popular than his master.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

This is for you, Hajime.

I didn't have a regular sausage, so I used fish sausage.

I had extra batter, so I made this for you.

Thank you. It looks delicious.

Wait. Give it to me.

No.

-Why not? -Because I love corn dogs.

Oh, come on, Hajime. Please.

Let's switch.

You wanted a pancake, so I went out to buy the ingredients.

I changed my mind. Okay?

-No way. -Then just a bite.

-Just a bite, please. -I said no.

You asshole!

I'm asking nicely here, and that's how you treat me?

Who do you think helped you become an actor?

It's just a corn dog. Don't be stingy.

Why get so upset over a corn dog? Your pancake is getting--

Hey! No, stop!

Hajime, give it to him.

I'll make a new one for you.

That's not the point.

He always behaves like this.

The fish sausage is a nice touch.

Master, this is delicious.

My corn dog became his favorite.

Since then, Serao often comes to my place by himself.

-Hey. -Welcome.

-He's here. -Master comedian!

Many of my customers are his fans.

They get excited whenever he comes.

Master, a corn dog, please.

-Me, too. -Me, three.

Sure.

Even though she's way past her prime,

she still got it going on.

As I poked her from the back...

Just like that.

So it got me going.

I tried to fondle her boobs.

I reached around.

Her ripened breasts...

were soft and moist. Fit nicely in my palm.

Then she suddenly said,

"What are you trying to touch?"

"Your boob, of course."

"That's not where they are. My boobs are higher."

Turned out, what I was fondling

was the old woman's love handles!

No dirty jokes in front of ladies.

Come on, babe. You like it, don't you?

That's sexual harassment.

Calm down, Rumi. This is a part of his material.

Material?

You don't know him? Mr. Serao Kesera.

Some call him the last master comedian of Asakusa.

I always watched your stand-up comedy on TV when I was a kid.

Really?

You know Hajime Moriwaki, a TV actor, right?

Yes, I know him.

He used to be an assistant of this master comedian.

It's nothing.

Hajime Moriwaki. A good-looking guy, isn't he?

And he's funny. I like his choice of words.

Good-looking and funny? That's a perfect man.

Well, unfortunately,

his "boy" is not impressive at all.

Does Hajime Moriwaki have a son?

That's not what he means.

Some describe a perfect vagina as a thousand earthworms.

But his organ is like a single earthworm.

It's not long. It's not hard.

God doesn't give two gifts. Now I believe in God.

Have you actually seen it?

I saw it when he washed my back at a bathhouse.

What?

You can tell whether it's long or not at a bathhouse.

But how do you tell if it's soft or hard?

How about yours?

Some call mine the Anaconda of Asakusa.

A very elusive anaconda.

SERAO KESERA

I had a heart attack.

Luckily I survived it. Do you know what caused it? Viagra.

Yup. That was it.

It's not good for my heart.

But you know, at my age, I really need it.

See, right here.

Otherwise, my "boy" wouldn't work.

So, now I'm risking my life to make love.

Shakespeare once said,

"To do or to die. That is the question."

My "boy" is very active only when I wake up.

Good job, sir.

-Good job. -Thanks.

Hello.

-Hey, TV actor. -How are you?

-Did you see my show? -Yes.

I wanted to see you perform. It's been a while.

What's wrong with you?

It's very sweet of you to say that.

-Let's go eat something. -Sure.

Wait for a moment, okay?

-Are you ready? Say "cheese." -Is everything in the frame?

It's blurry. One more time.

Excuse us.

Excuse me. Are you Mr. Hajime Moriwaki?

-Yes. -Lucky me!

Can I have your autograph?

Can we take a picture together?

-Sure. -I love your shows.

-Would you? -Me?

Thank you, sir.

-Are you ready? -Thank you.

Get ready.

Yes. Get a nice one.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Let's go now.

Excuse me. Can we get your autograph, too?

Sure.

This one.

Please. Thank you.

Thank you.

Sir, can you get a taxi?

Okay. I got it.

Hey. Here. Right here.

Girls, sorry.

He must go now.

Sorry about that. See you soon.

What was that?

I should be the main attraction.

Come on. You should be proud of him.

Your pupil has become such a big star.

A handsome face matters most?

Men should be judged by skills.

Don't blame me. I didn't choose this face.

-Then let's switch faces. -Absolutely not.

What did you say, bastard?

"Absolutely not"? That's so mean. You are an asshole.

SHIORI

What a baby!

You've got a handful.

You do, too.

Miyoko...

don't you like younger men?

Yes, I do.

What are you saying?

Nothing.

You don't have the guts.

Hello?

I need a car.

Hey, that person over there. Is that Hajime Moriwaki?

-You recognize him? He's famous, huh? -Who?

A TV actor. He's very popular nowadays.

I don't watch TV at all.

Serao Kesera?

-You're here. I knew it. -Good evening, sir.

"Good evening"? You asshole.

-What's the matter? -You...

You slept with Miyoko, didn't you?

Yes.

-You said "yes"? -That's right.

A pupil sleeps with his master's woman?

What planet are you from? You asshole!

Ouch!

You always take my stuff, too.

What? Shut up!

You, bastard!

Please stop.

-Are you okay? -Don't touch me!

Your wiener is so small...

that it would belong in a kindergartener’s lunch box.

How could you carry such a small mushroom?

Get up, you asshole!

Say it again, and I'll kill you.

You know what Miyoko said?

She said she slept with you,

but your penis is so small that she couldn't tell if it was in or not.

-That's it! I'll kill you! -Shut up!

Hey, that's enough.

Fighting shall be taken outside. That's the house rule.

Hajime.

You are expelled.

I'm done anyway.

After that,

Serao started drinking heavily.

More alcohol.

HAJIME MORIWAKI BIG BREAK ON STAGE

-Hello, sir. How are you? -How are you, sir?

Master Serao, it's time.

-Your turn is coming up. -Shut up!

Sir? Where are you going?

Here you go.

I'm sorry about the other day.

That was immature of me.

Have you seen Serao since then?

No, I haven't.

He's been on the bottle these days.

He often gets dead drunk.

I suspect that he may not be working anymore.

Nobody likes him.

There are things you have to keep to yourself as human.

He doesn't understand the boundaries.

Out of the mouth comes evil. It describes him perfectly.

He got drunk and missed his gig.

Well...

it may be time for him to retire.

Some say that we should know when to quit.

He was so cool.

I...

used to be a martial artist.

I was very serious about it.

I was pretty good...

but I injured my eye.

Detached retina.

I suddenly lost my purpose in life.

I felt that I was worthless.

I was in terrible shape.

Then...

I met him by accident.

In Asakusa?

Yes. In a bar.

I had no money, or a place to go. He paid for everything.

When I woke up, I was backstage.

That's when I saw his stand-up for the first time.

Once he got paid after the show, he said, "let's go out to drink."

I was intrigued by the way he lived his life.

I suddenly felt so much better.

The next day, I asked him to let me be his assistant.

Then...

it may be your turn.

For whatever he did for you,

why not return the favor?

Another beer, please.

Sure.

-Mr. Kinzo! -Listen.

I have less than half a year left.

Let me do you once. Be my last lady.

That's enough! I'll sue you for sexual harassment.

-Be nice to your dying patient. -This is Serao.

We were worried since he hadn't shown up for a while.

But we started seeing him on a late-night drama series.

He's good, isn't he?

He only appears in one scene each episode, but he's still good.

His character is dying but is still a sex maniac.

It's perfect for him.

Hello.

-Welcome. -Here comes a great actor.

-Master comedian! -Long time no see.

-Master, can I have a corn dog? -Sure.

-I'll take your coat. -Thanks.

We were worried about you since you hadn't come for a while.

Sorry about that. I've been very busy these days.

We watch your drama every week.

I'm so grateful.

You know that thing? The bird thing?

-You mean Twitter. -That's it.

Young fans use that to comment on my acting.

Some of them even show up to our comedy theater to see me.

Welcome.

-Beer, please. -Sure.

Not only fans,

but a movie director also saw my performance.

He wants me to play a role in his new movie.

Awesome. This must be the big break of your career.

I don't want to retire yet.

I must compete with young men

for jobs and women.

Here you go.

This is for you.

It's on Serao.

Hey, Master...

I have no reason to treat that jerk.

Well, you do have a reason.

Your drama gig...

was set up by Hajime.

You are lucky...

to have such a nice pupil.

Thank you.

Are you big enough to influence the casting now?

That's not true. It was just a slip of the tongue.

I'm too old to handle a lot of gigs.

I won't allow you to retire yet.

Are you sure about that?

Soon I will take all the gigs away from you.

Really? Then try me.

Well, this is enough. I'll take mercy on you for now.

Once the batter puffs up, roll it with chopsticks.

That way you can fry it evenly.

The batter is good not just for sweets,

but also some other ingredients. You should try it.

Here you go.

Deep-fried fish sausage. Bon appétit.

It's so good.

-Can I have some? -What?

-Just a bite, please. -No way.

Who do you think you are, asshole?

Good night.

Hey, give me some.

THIS STORY IS A WORK OF FICTION