Original subtitles

Previously on "Happy!"...

You want us to catch the son of a gun, don't you?

- He said... - Who said?

The bunny.

I'm Scooter frickin' Sterling.

My safe word is Tallahassee.

Everybody loves revenge, right? Even you.

I don't have a vengeful bone in my body.

There's something living in your mind, Blue.

Orcus, God of Death.

With Isabella dead, you will have no escape.

You will never be free.

Dad got me kicked out of school.

Maybe this is exactly what she needs.

You've noticed this place runs 40,000 a year?

I'll give you 1,000 bucks if you find me a girl.

Aah!

Is that a liver?

What's something like that worth?

Over 100,000.

Holy giblets, I'm standing in the middle

of a goddamn gold mine of blood and guts.

Ouch!

Hailey, what are you doing here?

That really hurt.

It says, "Take out the kidney for $100,000."

I don't even know... What the f...

What the f...

Go on, Dad. Do it.

- Go on, Dad. Do it. - Uh..

Go on, Dad. Do it.

Please don't touch the sides again.

Uh...

And don't touch the sides.

Okay.

- I'm scared. - No need to be scared.

I got this.

You don't look like you got this.

Quiet, or I'll...

Be quiet.

Be careful.

You got some serious issues, my man.

Professor Wondercakes?

Hailey!

You okay?

No, I got to pee.

I was running late. Didn't have time for breakfast.

Huh?

You're taking her today, remember?

Like it was yesterday.

- It was yesterday. - It was yesterday.

♪ I'm M.C. Happy, and I'm here to say ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, we got Hailey all day ♪

Um...

maybe you should get a sitter.

- Sitters aren't free, Nick. - I know.

Besides, she'd rather be with you.

And I think some quality time together wouldn't hurt.

She'd rather be with me?

- You can do this, Nick. - I can?

- Just feed her... - Check!

- Keep her out of trouble... - Abso-tively!

- Help with her essay. - Posi-lutely!

- Wait, what? - For St. Melanie...

Something to help them get to know her.

Nobody knows her better than me!

- It's due tomorrow. - Wait a minute.

Hold... hold on a second.

What are we, Communists all of a sudden?

She's not even in school,

they're giving her homework assignments?

- Nick, please. - I know, it's just...

We've never been together for a whole day.

You're going to do great.

She's crazy about you.

Aww.

Just remember the rules.

Oh, the rules. Yeah.

Don't sweat it, buddy. Happy's here...

The bestest bestie in the whole wide world.

And if anyone knows what Hailey likes, it's me!

Yeah.

Got anything in the fridge?

Yeah, go ahead. Knock yourself...

Uh...

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

Follow me! Follow me!

♪ To a world of make-believe ♪

♪ Where silly bears have crazy hair ♪

♪ Wear shorts and dungarees ♪

♪ If the stuffings are frayed or the bow's too tight ♪

♪ Don't you pout, we'll make it right ♪

♪ At the huggery-buggery ♪

♪ Hoogery-sugary ♪

♪ World of make-believe ♪

Can you feel the magic?

Oh, man, look at all these fun little numbers.

Oh, what you got there? A cop bear.

Where you ever in A.A.?

I haven't had an avocado in years.

Seriously, Dad.

All right, okay, uh...

Let's be real with each other today.

Um...

I used to enjoy an adult beverage back in the day,

and now I never touch the stuff.

Could you fix mine?

It looks like a spree killer.

Sure.

How's the essay coming?

I don't really know what to write.

They just want to know more about you.

You know, um... the kind of stuff you like.

- I don't know. - Ooh, I know!

What would you write?

Me? I, uh...

Well, I mean, um...

Um...

Self-reflection was never really my strong suit.

Did you like being a cop?

Aah!

- Nick! - Too much paperwork.

- You know this bear situation... - Sucks.

- Right? - Pretty much.

Oh, praise the Lord.

You want to blow this clambake?

- Really? - Yeah.

"Easter Under Siege,"

"Bunny Bombing Causes Market Surge,"

and my personal favorite,

"Here Comes Evil Cottontail."

Got to love the "Post."

We're a hit, baby!

Oh, people need Sonny Shine's Easter now more than ever.

The inspiration came to me last Christmas, did you know what?

You might've mentioned it, yes.

"Sicko Santa Claus snatches tiny tights

for pervo purposes."

The bleeding headlines.

Now, you think it would be a big black eye

for the holiday, right?

But you know what happened?

Both: Sales went through the roof.

Holly-jolly bonanza! It was the biggest Christmas ever.

Why?

Because people are sick puppies, that's why.

Sex sells, death sells even better.

I wish I had a witness.

Someone who could really appreciate me

for the visionary that I am!

Someone who could just see me eye to eye!

Something wrong?

You know when you try not to look at something, but...

it just makes you look at it more?

No.

Wyoming.

I-I don't see you in the tumbleweeds, my friend,

with the cow pies and such?

You think this is a goddamn joke, Geno?

No, absolutely not.

Good, because...

Wyoming...

is where I plan to be.

Leave all of this crime and punishment behind and...

start over.

Regular American life.

Norman Rockwell.

Spring is in the air, Geno.

Even in this hole, I can smell it,

and I am gonna take a deal with the Feds.

Blue...

you cannot do that.

Y-you know how this works.

You got to do your time, you got to be a stand-up guy.

Stand-up...

You...

You're my fucking lawyer.

Yeah, but I'm your friend first,

and I don't want to see you

finally get out of this place in a bag.

Don't you see? That's exactly why I got to get out of here.

I got to take the deal.

Knowing what I know, do you really think...

You-know-who is gonna let me live?

- Y-you're emotional right now. - Hmm.

It's understandable,

but, Blue, as long as you keep quiet,

you are safer here than in Wyoming

or Tahiti or Timbuk-big-titty-tu.

You're not my friend.

You are not my friend. You are my barrister.

Call the goddamn Feds, take the goddamn deal,

and, motherfucker...

I had better be wearing a plaid shirt by Easter.

Pray tell?

Kill me.

The breath...

Only a true friend would tell you. Yeah.

Open up. Open.

There we go.

Now, you listen to me,

I have removed all of the skin from your body.

It is not a survivable condition.

Fatal infection is inevitable

if your heart doesn't shut down first.

So, you see, I already have killed you.

Oh. Well, okay, then,

The question is, "How long?"

- Uh-huh. - The answer is...

precisely as long as I require.

You see...

I am not some...

grinning idiot clown

who's putting on a show for the YouTube crowd.

I am a master craftsman.

I will determine your time of death

down to the hour...

The minute, the second.

So, until then,

and until precisely then...

Hang in there, baby.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I knew she didn't play with toys anymore.

How could I be such a dummy?

I got to regroup, get my head in the game.

God knows the Harlem Globetrotters

did not become the best baseball team in the world

by dwelling on every single loss!

Why don't you, um, write about cancer?

You know, everybody loves a good tearjerker.

It's supposed to be about me.

And, you know, just be yourself.

I mean, you know, no one likes a phony.

All right, Salaam.

Ah...

Where are we going?

I haven't a clue,

but, uh, I'm gonna put on my thinking cap.

I'm gonna put on my thinking cap.

Oh, right. Thinking cap mode activated!

Uh, things Hailey likes.

Tickle fights, patty-cake, tutus, baby dolls,

ponies, magic tricks...

Wait a minute, that's it.

What's it?

Kid, how do you feel about ponies?

She had to be 15, maybe 16 lengths back...

Welcome to OTB.

Wow.

Off-track betting, where the ponies run all day.

Breath like an ashtray, grip like a python.

- Hey, Saxy. - Lena! Well, well, well.

This is my kid... Hailey.

Oh. Ain't you a sweet dish?

So you're my dad's girlfriend?

For about 32 seconds.

You promised... No gambling.

You already broke one promise, Nick.

Well... well, several, actually.

Pretty much all of them.

If you do it again, we're in big trouble.

We're not gambling. We're watching people gamble.

Will you relax... Will you look at her?

It's like Bambi frolicking in the fresh fallen snow.

I mean, the kid loves it.

I mean, it's no Club Teddy Bear.

- I grant you that. - That's a low blow.

Ha! Like punching blueberries.

Hey, yo, scumbag. Scram.

Oh, you got a racing form, huh?

Ponies have weird names.

Well, they're weird animals.

I, uh, once knew a pony named Social Disease.

She ran so good, I got weak in my...

right eye.

Um, all right, let's do a tutorial here.

Uh, see these numbers here? Those are the odds.

So you get a horse like, uh, this glistening specimen,

Tijuana Trots, who pays 20 to 1.

That's a 20-to-1 dog in my book.

She not a dog. She's a horsey.

So, anyway, you place a bet on Tijuana Trots,

she comes in first place, that pays out...

$42.

How'd you know that?

Math, Dad. What about this one?

Uh, okay, Mom's Molasses,

that's a name that doesn't inspire confidence.

She's 9 to 2, that's 11 bucks on a $2 bet.

Not too shabby.

Says here she placed in her last two races on...

- What's D mean? - Dirt.

So you want to go with Mom's Molasses?

Well, we're not gonna bet any real cash.

Okay.

But do you know what I say we do?

How about if we just bet 100-large imaginary?

Let's do it.

Now, where on earth might I find some imaginary cash?

And they're off!

Mom's Molasses falls way behind.

I've never seen a horse so slow.

Mom's Molasses... You sure are.

Okay, well, that's what you get

for letting big dumb animals take your money.

I know this is hard to believe, but...

I've never been, um, lucky when it comes to the ponies.

You know, maybe you're exactly...

- It's Mom's Molasses! - Yes! Yes!

Holy cheese nuts!

We would've won, like, five grand!

$550.

All right, smarty pants, who's up next?

I want Mr. Plinkett.

Says here she placed in her last three races.

Same jockey on her back, she just went up a class.

Easy. She's a 50-to-1 shot.

I mean, that horse has been ridden harder than...

- Don't you dare! - 100 imaginary.

Let's do this.

You heard the lady.

This don't grow on trees, you know.

You see what's happening?

You're seducing Hailey into a dark, depraved world

of cheap laughs and easy cash!

Just relax.

Just let her have this while it lasts, huh?

Do you know what the Sax family crest is?

Two iguanas licking the tears of despair

out of each other's eyes because they lost it all

on a sure thing.

Mr. Plinkett wins!

Until today!

My baby is a gold mine!

You're a natural!

What do you say we do this with money?

- Really? - Real money!

Did you have any?

Yeah, I have 40 bucks.

Good, all right.

- Get to work. - Okay.

I wish I had better news. He wants to make a deal.

Like Monty Hall?

No, like, with the Feds.

I tried to talk him out of it...

I-I tried to talk him out of it...

The dumb son of a bitch wants...

Witness protection...

Witness protection...

Something about...

Something about Wyoming!

Didn't he get the bug?

Between you and me, Mr. Shine,

the man is a few peas short of a casserole.

I-I've seen it happen a thousand times.

Guys can't take the pressure, they just crack.

Pressure?

Pressure.

Three square meals a day.

Ample time for exercise and hobbies.

A cozy cot in every room.

Plenty of chums...

with a similar backgrounds and interests.

Pressure is what I do.

Pressure is remaking the world's oldest holiday

from the ground up.

And I do it alone.

Let's go ahead and kill the idiot.

I mean, Jesus.

I can't believe your mom gave you 40 bills.

Mom thinks you're broke.

Wonder where she got that idea.

Well, not for long! You know what I'm feeling?

The early-bird special at Red Lobster.

- How about you? - Hell, yeah.

- Language! - Ah, you got to watch your language.

- Can't let her do this, Nick. - And, you know,

this little bet that we're gonna do,

um, it's a one-time thing, all right?

- It's Mom. - Don't answer that.

- Hi, Mom! - Finally.

You're in for it now, Nick.

If I can't knock any sense into you,

maybe Amanda can.

What happened to fun?

"Are you ready? Here comes the fun."

Remember that?

Ah, you... Nick, you can't let her do this! Aah!

Pull it out your puckered blue...

- Hey. - What's the damage?

I told her we were at Coney Island.

You tried to win me a stuffed animal,

but it turns out you suck at ring toss.

Wha... you lied for me?

Is that bad?

Well, not in this case,

but if you wanted to go to Coney Island,

- all you had to do was... - I don't.

What pony did you pick?

This one.

- You sure? - Positive.

Happy Hour to win.

Happy Hour?

Ooh, that kind of lunch, huh?

Mm. She'll have one.

They have red and white.

Only white before noon.

If I knew we were diningdining,

I would've worn my good suit.

What would you call that color? Is that coral?

Paprika, maybe. I don't know

Well, here's to paprika.

Ah, paprika.

So to what do I owe the mid-morning buzz?

It's been a while. Wanted to check in.

And everyone else you know would judge.

Mental-health days are a real thing.

Oh, mm-hmm.

And the kid?

Thank you. I will have another.

Mmm.

New private school... 8,000 per quarter.

Holy shit.

Believe it or not, I'm counting on Nick.

I know.

- But he wants to step up. - Father of the year.

So I have to let him.

Besides, I could use the me time.

Pick up a hobby, dust off the old dating apps.

You didn't call me to talk about boys, did you?

Amanda, what's the matter?

Well...

this has turned into a hot little mess.

That's the past, I'm the future.

Bam!

Red wine before noon, you warned me.

How about you? Are you seeing anybody?

Fuck that.

Amanda...

what happened up there that night?

What happened in Shine Tower?

What if I told you I can't remember?

I'd say you've been though a lot.

I'd say...

you're in denial.

Wow.

Cop, fucker of husbands not your own,

real-estate agent, and now psychotherapist?

Is there anything you can't do?

Yeah.

Let go of this, and neither can you.

Watch me.

Happy Hour and The Land of Piss and Fire

are out of the gate fast,

but Happy Hour takes a commanding lead.

Come on, baby!

Happy Hour has opened up the lead by three lengths.

Happy Hour has the race sewn up.

Oh, no! Happy Hour down!

Get back on the horse!

Happy Hour has broken his leg!

Get back on the horse!

Send him to the glue factory, folks!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You had a good run, kid.

You can't win 'em all.

Nah, nah, nah! Yes, she can.

No, no. Sit... sit down. Sit down.

Let's just pick another horse. Pick another horse.

I'm out of money.

Well, I got to... I'll find the fucking money!

- Sax, ease up. - Back off!

It's not fun anymore. I don't want to.

What are you talking about it's not fun?

This is fun! Just... just pick another horse.

- I don't want to! - Just pick a stupid horse.

Oh, sure. Like you guys are all great parents.

Oh, slow down, little one!

Thank goodness, a cowboy!

You should be more careful.

Hailey, you can't just run off like that.

I mean, what if your mom had found out.

You know, your father is right.

It's important to keep your family close.

I don't remember anyone asking your advice, pal.

Shalom... Sax.

Oh, please, just a... word.

My name is David.

Those were my men that you, uh,

mingled with at the party last night.

Yeah? Well, your men mingled with one of my friends,

and they got me instead.

And that's why I bear no ill will,

yeah, but my father is still gravely, gravely ill,

and time is so precious.

- Your dad's sick? - He is, dear little one.

At death's door with just your heroic father here

as his only hope and savior.

That's not really true.

That's... that's not true.

Look, um, your men made the first move.

I just reacted.

Yeah, what a reaction it was,

and yet a deed remains to be done.

A mitzvah, if you will, for Passover.

See, we've... we've found another match

My brother Saul has the kidney,

simply pick it up, bring it to me.

- So call an errand boy. - But you can help.

No, you don't understand, honey.

He'll die if you don't.

Yes, that is the truth, little one,

and because the kidney will be coming to us through, uh,

well, special circumstances,

it requires a special man, like your father here,

to go pick it up and deliver.

Dad.

Oh, Nicholas, please,

let us not allow the problems that have transpired

to lead to the death of an innocent man.

No one is innocent.

Yes, many have fallen,

but forgiveness is usually followed by atonement.

- Pick up? - And delivery.

Give me the address.

Here, here's Saul's house, my number.

Call when the kidney's in hand. We'll arrange a drop.

Shalom.

Amanda?

How are you?

Simon, hi.

I'm sorry I never called.

Things got... busy over the holidays.

I saw the posters. Everyone okay?

We're managing. Thank you.

Looks like, uh, somebody caught the Easter Fever.

Hmm?

Um...

I'm just teasing you. I mean, hey, it's everywhere, right?

Easter... it's like a thing this year.

I know, right?

We... we never really celebrated it before,

but I thought my daughter might,

you know, want some holiday cheer.

- It's silly. - No, it's not.

Look, I'm not a religious guy,

but for me, the season has a-a feeling

of... of something new.

Springtime, New York City, huh?

I mean, a resurrection, whether you believe in that or not,

it's symbolic.

It's a chance to see the world with fresh eyes.

Besides, I love these things.

I like those, too.

I want to go in.

Nah, it'll just take me a minute. Don't move.

You can't leave her in the car.

You're thinking of dogs in a heat wave.

She'll be fine. You just make sure she stays put.

So you're leaving both of us.

I don't know what sucks eggs more...

Your dad game or your partner game.

I'm looking for Milwaukee Saul.

Papa!

No running in the house.

Hi, I'm Saul.

Yeah, I'm here for the package.

- Package? - David sent me.

Come on, the meter is running. Let's just pack it up, huh?

I couldn't stop her, Nick!

- What are you talking about? - Who's this little one?

- I'm starving, Dad. - Hailey, go back to the cab.

Come, Shabbos is about to start.

- Is that food? - Plenty of it.

- Thank God. - Oh, food. I'm hungry.

You had one job.

One job.

- You dad drives a taxi? - He used to be a cop.

My dad owns four jewelry stores,

three tanning salons, and two Maybachs

Well, my dad killed Santa Claus.

We're Jewish.

She's lovely.

What's it to you?

Just a compliment. Take it.

It's not easy being a father.

Yeah, you seem to be doing all right with it.

Yeah, only seven are mine, one planned.

And the eldest needs somebody to play with.

- You know how it is. - Look, let's take care of...

- You have brothers? - No.

One day I'm bullying David in our parents' backyard,

the next...

he's squeezing me out of the family business.

Seems like something I don't care about.

Your reputation precedes you, Mr. Sax.

Tell me, you here today,

should I take from this you are, uh, shall we say,

still employable?

I was so curious why you were so generous with your bone.

So, sadly, uh, you're a few months too late.

I don't do that no more.

Now, you've been a wonderful host.

Kindly fetch that package, and we'll be on our way.

The package.

Yeah, the package.

It's right here.

Come get it.

Are we ready for the next one?

N-37.

B-5.

- Shalom. - Up yours, Yentl.

You told me the package was a kidney, not a whole human.

Oh, it is a kidney.

How you choose to deliver it, uh, that's your prerogative.

He's not gonna just gonna jump in my cab, now, is he?

Oh, well, then you need to persuade him.

You want me to kill him.

Well, that's entirely up to you, but, uh, yes.

- The kid's here. - Well, then be careful.

I don't want any dead children on my conscience.

You know, I'm getting mighty tired of you two dickheads.

- I tell you what. - I-28.

I am gonna kill your brother and tear our his kidney,

and then I'm gonna feed it to his fucking dog

and let your old man croak in a puddle of his own piss.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that, Sax.

It'd be a shame if something terrible were to happen

to that beautiful daughter of yours.

Oh, oh, and, um, just so we're clear this time,

"something terrible" means we kill her.

Bingo!

Another winner in the hall!

Shalom.

Come here.

I need you to go out to the cab and stay there.

Call your mom, tell her we're going to be a little late.

Papa's got some business to take care of.

What are you doing at Shine Tower, Geno?

Audition for the fifth Wishee.

You can't do that. You ain't a cop anymore.

Says who?

You're wearing a real-estate jacket.

I may not be a cop anymore,

but I can still get away with murder.

Oh, careful, I need those.

You're Blue's personal lawyer, Geno.

I would love to know what you and Sonny had to talk about.

You are wasting your...

You can't. No one can touch to Shine.

No cop. No one.

- Oh? - He's got dirt.

Blackmail on everyone.

That's how he does it.

Good, tell me something I don't know.

It's on videotape.

Yeah, I know. The fucking guy don't believe in digital.

"Tape is forever," he says.

He knows what people wish for...

The dark stuff,

the stuff they don't even tell their shrinks about...

And he gives it to them.

Then he owns them.

I've done my homework on you.

You've known Blue for 20 years.

He was at your wedding.

He's godfather to your first daughter,

but you sold him out.

Sold him out to this cheap circus clown,

this maggot, when you know exactly what Sonny Shine does.

What he does to kids...

Kids no older than your own little girl.

Why?

He's got a tape on me.

Okay.

Then you got something to lose,

but I don't.

Tell me where he keeps the tapes.

Care to share what's in the notebook?

Care to share what's in the ice bucket?

Didn't think so.

- All right. - I know, stay in the car.

Yeah.

Oh, Mr. Sax!

What a pleasant surprise.

I got to be honest, I, uh...

I wasn't sure that you'd come through,

but, boy, I'm so glad that you did.

- Me too. - Gentlemen?

You know, I... Call me narrow-minded,

but I didn't have you pegged as a bingo nut.

I know, I know.

We collected this property to settle a debt,

but who knew that it would be such a gold mine?

The senior population is just exploding.

Bingo!

It's the future.

Well, you know, me personally,

I don't put much stock in the future.

So, if we're done chitchatting,

why don't we just take care of you and your mitzvah?

Oh, yeah, by all means.

Don't ever fuck with my family.

Please...

it's Passover.

Mitzvah.

Eat shitz-vah.

We heard it, Nick. All of it!

Oh, boy, those guys and their fireworks.

I mean, who knew it was a Jewish thing?

Are you okay?

Yeah, you?

Good. Great.

You know, anytime I get to spend

a day with my little cupcake, I mean...

I call that a lucky day.

I call that, uh...

the best day a dad could ever have.

Did you kill those people?

I dropped off a package. That's all.

Just tell me the truth.

He set you up, so you killed them.

Hailey, there are certain things

that you just can't know.

I already do.

And you got to forget it...

Now and forever.

It's for your own good.

I thought we could be real with each other,

but I guess I just get Fake Dad, right?

Yeah, I guess so! I guess teddy bears and Coney Island

are gonna have to be good enough

like they are for every other kid.

I really wish things were the way they used to be.

You mean before me?

She really didn't mean that.

Blow me.

Like that?

Good night, Hailey.

"Good night, Dad."

Wow.

Oh, evening.

Aah!

What the hell?

You must be Nick.

Amanda's t-told me so much about you.

Who the fuck are you?

- I... - Nick, is that you?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh.

Good. You two met.

Simon.

I heard Hailey got to spend a day with Dad.

Good times.

We were just putting up some Easter decorations.

Were we?

Don't be rude, Nick.

You...

Work together?

Huh? Oh, no, no, no.

I, uh... I did consider studying medicine for a hot minute

when, uh... When I was in college,

but in the end, I decided to become an entrepreneur.

Neck ties.

- Neck ties? - Yeah, with a twist.

Bow ties?

Bow ties?

No, you see, I-I believe it's important to... to give back.

So, for every tie that we sell,

we donate one to an indigenous person from the third world.

Yeah, it helps to create a feeling of self-esteem,

as well as prepare them for possible job interviews.

- Fascinating. - Thanks.

- Sorry about the... - Oh, no, hey.

Absolutely no worries, big guy.

Look, a stranger in your ex-wife's house?

With everything that happened recently?

I get it. Totally.

Anyway, I should be going.

Oh, my God. That stuff gets everywhere.

Nice to meet you, Nick.

I'll call you later.

- He's just a friend. - An Easter friend.

Mm.

- What's up with Hailey? - Ah?

Stormed upstairs without a word?

Uh, I...

Been thinking about that tuition?

Now that you mention it,

I got offered a stack of cash today for a quick job.

I turned it down. Just wanted you to know that.

Don't worry, Nick.

It's all gonna work out.

Mm!

Boy, Amanda's in a really good mood.

She just fucked that guy.

♪ Little doggies ♪

♪ It's your misfortune ♪

♪ None of my own ♪

You tell Sonny Shine...

Vaffanculo.

Today was pretty much the best day ever.

I got to hang out with my dad.

First, he made me a big breakfast.

We saw some ponies.

- I'm out of money. - Well, I got to...

I'll find the fucking money!

He introduced me to new and interesting people.

Hey, Saxy.

And exposed me to other cultures and religions.

We really got to know a lot more about each other,

which is important for a father and daughter...

To be close, to trust one another.

After all, if you can't trust your parents,

who can you trust?

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

♪ Maybe if you're extra good