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Sorry.

- It's okay. - Yeah.

Hey, Nate, we're leaving.

Okay.

Can I just put it in?

No, put a condom on.

- Michelle, I don't think it's... - Nate, put a condom on.

You know what? It's fine. I'll just go down on you.

No, it's fine, just stop shaking.

I'm not shaking.

Okay, right.

- Uh-huh. - Okay.

Wake up. We are going.

Fucking...

I think as I fingered you,

my hands are, like, super slippery.

- Just give it to me. - Okay.

Only these stupid free ones they give you at the health center

are impossible to open.

Oh, okay, thanks.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Yo, Nate, you awake?

What?

We're going to breakfast. You wanna come?

No. Well...

- You wanna have breakfast? - No.

- No, we're good. - All right.

Yeah.

I'm just...

Nate, do you have it?

Yeah, almost, yeah.

Come on, fuck it.

Hey, did I leave my bong in there?

No, there's no fucking bongs in here, man.

All right, dude. Fuck.

What?

What do you think the problem is?

I don't know. It's... It's not like physical or...

I don't know, it's so stupid. It's like fucking stupid.

Okay, are...

Are you nervous or...?

No, I'm not nervous. I just... I don't...

Maybe it's just...

I don't know, maybe you're just not

the right girl for me.

What?

Yeah, I don't know, maybe...

Maybe that's all it is, just...

I don't know.

Are you serious?

Uh...

Wait, um, I don't know. Uh...

You don't know?

Okay. Oh, shit.

What?

I cannot believe that you are blaming me for your problems.

I'm not the right girl for you?

No, I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just...

- I'm just... I don't know... - What?

A lot of people aren't right for each other.

It's not a big deal.

Okay, so what? You wanna stop seeing me? Is that it?

No, of course not.

Wow, you are an asshole, Nate.

Just because you are skinny and awkward

that doesn't make you a nice guy, okay?

You're a fucking asshole.

Well, you were kind of pressuring me.

I am so sorry that I wanted you to do something

other than go down on me for once.

I thought girls like that.

Not when you're bad at it.

So, can I call you later or...

Hello?

Yo, Nate, it's Kahji.

Hey, Kahji, what's up, dude?

I just wanted to make sure you and Alec were all set for today.

Today? What do you mean?

Today is my wedding, dawg. Did you forget?

Shit.

No, of course not, man, I...

We'll be there. It's been on my calendar.

Sweet.

I'll text you the address and information again

to make sure you have it.

Stoked to see you, boys.

Stoked to see you, too, buddy.

Keep it chinchilla.

Kahji is getting married today.

Fuck me.

Hello.

Hey, puppies.

- Hi. - Hi!

Oh, my gosh, you made such good time.

There's no traffic. It was the craziest thing.

- Hey, how's it going? - Oh, look at you!

Hey.

- Hey. - You are taller.

- Really? - I think you're...

I feel taller, yeah.

Hey, did you like the sign I put on the front door?

I did, yeah. Did you make that today?

I texted you like two hours ago that I was coming home.

Yeah, and I ran to the store and got all your favorites.

Orange juice, Goldfish, Gatorade, everything.

- Sweet. - Yes.

So what do you wanna do? Do you wanna watch a movie?

Do you wanna go to a movie?

We could hike with the dogs.

We could also go play putt-putt or...

You're making a face.

Yeah, I'm actually busy today, I'm going to a wedding.

I meant to tell you, but I forgot.

- Oh, you are? - Yes.

Uh...

It was a super last-minute thing,

but, yeah, I got to go, I'm going to be busy all day.

Oh, that's... well, that's kind of neat going to a wedding.

That's fun.

- Yeah. - Great.

Well, good.

- Yeah. - It's good to see you, though.

- So great you're home. - I'm so excited.

Do you have... Is the breakfast ready?

I'm starving.

I don't understand why are you going to this guy's wedding

if you aren't really friends with him.

Thank you, gracias.

I mean, we were friends with him.

He was just like...

He was just, like, this really weird friend

that we hung out with in the high school, I don't know.

Alec and I are kind of going as a joke more than anything.

Alec is going?

Uh-huh. Yeah, it's me and him.

Oh.

What?

I don't know, I just thought maybe you and Alec grew apart.

Why do you still think Alec is such a bad kid?

Remember Susan Miller's son who had to transfer schools

because Alec used to call him a faggot?

Mom, that was like eight years ago.

And that kid used to tuck his pants into his socks.

That is no reason to call someone a faggot.

It's just a hate speech, Nate.

Might I remind you, you have a gay uncle.

I know.

- Hey, Nate. - Hey, Dad.

- Jesus. - Allegedly gay.

Dad, he's gay.

- He's gay. - Yeah.

Whatever.

Jim, Nate was just telling me

that he has a girlfriend he's seeing at school.

Yeah, I mean, she's not, like, my girlfriend.

We're just sort of seeing each other.

Well, I looked her up on Facebook,

and she is cute as a button.

Mom, don't look her up on Facebook.

That makes me super uncomfortable.

I just picked her out in a couple group shots

and read a little bit about her "About Me,"

and then I liked one group photo.

- That was it. - You liked a photo?

It was a group shot.

Oh, shit.

Do you follow her?

She'll think I'm somebody's aunt.

No, We have the same last name. She's going to know it's you.

Don't like any photos. No social media.

Delete your accounts.

You don't need Facebook.

I don't do the Facebook.

I don't have time for the Facebook.

Okay, I will go in and unlike it.

She will never... I did it like eight minutes ago.

Don't unlike it.

She'll notice that you liked it and unliked it.

Just don't... I don't know how...

Just please delete your accounts, please.

And what the hell is going on with your car, anyway?

I looked inside, there's fast-food bags,

there's cups everywhere,

you can't even see the damn floor.

I mean, it's kind of disrespectful to us,

Nate, seriously.

Dad, how many times I told you to get me a beater.

I didn't want a car that nice.

You knew I was going to trash it.

What did we do wrong?

I mean, what teenager complains about driving a Range Rover?

When I was a kid, my parents didn't have the money

to buy me a goddamn thing.

You know where I slept when I was a baby?

I do, please tell me again.

In a drawer, in their dresser

that they stuffed blankets in

'cause they couldn't afford a crib.

Dad, what difference does that make to you if you're a baby?

You have no memories when you're a baby.

That makes no sense.

I got memories, kid.

It's ready.

Thank you.

The drawer thing is getting a little stale, honey, just...

I'm just trying to make a point, babe.

All right, guys.

It's good to see you.

- You're leaving already? - Yeah.

I told Alec I'd meet up with him before 12:00, so I gotta go.

- It's good seeing you, Dad. - All right, kid.

- Bye. - Honey, you just got here.

I know, I'll come home more, I promise.

Thank you so much for breakfast,

Isabelle, thank you so much for breakfast.

Love you guys, bye.

Bye.

You are gonna be sober at this wedding, right?

What?

I just know how crazy Alec can get when he drinks.

I don't want you to get in trouble.

We won't, I promise.

Okay.

All right. Love you, guys. Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

He's not gonna be sober.

- Hmm... - Hey, Val.

Well, look who's here, the college boy.

Yeah. Oh, sorry.

So how are you liking school?

It's good, I like it a lot. It's a lot of fun.

Oh, I bet.

I'm sure the girls got their hands all over you.

Uh, I don't know.

Well, I can't say I blame them.

What?

Yo.

- Hey, what's up buddy? - What's up, dude?

Good to see you, man.

Good to see you too, man. What the fuck is this?

You a vest guy now?

Is this all the frat guys are wearing at rich kid university?

Stop touching me. It's a nice vest.

No, it's beautiful. I'm just fucking with you, man.

Hey, Mom, could you make us some snacks?

What do you expect me to make?

You know, just some snacks.

Like what kind of snacks?

We have the... the... the pizza,

the bagels with the pizza on it in the freezer.

I don't know how to make fucking pizza bagels, just...

God, go to the Quick Mart.

All right, Mom, forget it.

Fuck.

Oh, bam, dude. Fuck, yes.

How do you shoot it like that?

You just gotta push your joystick.

This one, you're flicking left.

Why are there two... This one?

It's the right joystick, tard.

Oh.

Dude, you know, I was thinking about tonight

and I really don't wanna go to Kahji's wedding.

I say we don't go.

- Don't go to Kahji's wedding? - I say we blow it off, dude.

Just go get fucked up or something.

No, no, no, dude, we have to go.

That'll break his heart if we don't go.

No, it won't.

We weren't even really friends with him in high school, dude.

I haven't seen him since graduation.

We could do something fun, like go to a bar.

What bar is going to let us in?

Dude, don't worry about it, I got plenty of spots.

Dude, stop. You don't have any fucking spots.

Every time you say, "Oh, I know some bouncer.

I know some guy who's going to let us in,"

You fucking don't,

and we always end up getting fucked up for no reason.

Let's just go to the wedding.

Dude, I really don't wanna see Kahji,

and his weird fucking family,

and his mom who's strangely hot.

I mean, I think it's going to be fucking lame.

Plus, you know, what if his mom is looking really good,

and I drink a little too much and...

I end up wanting to fuck her?

I won't be able to control myself at that point.

Yeah, you're right. No, she'll be down.

No, I see the face, I see the face,

you're super fucking pretty, dude.

She'll be down for sure. We really shouldn't go.

- You know what? - You're right.

Make fun of me now, dude, but you won't

when you walk in on me fucking her doggy style

like it's my job.

Do you know this is going to be his first kiss?

The fuck are you talking about, dude?

Today at the wedding, it's going to be the first time

Kahji has ever kissed a girl.

I swear to God.

That's bullshit.

Swear to God, that's what he told me.

Him and this girl he's dating are both super religious,

so they wanted to wait until the priest says,

"You may now kiss the bride" to have their first kiss.

It's what he told me. Swear to God.

That's the stupidest fucking thing

I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah, but think about how funny it's going to be to watch.

Let's just go, man.

There's nothing else to do around here, anyway, please.

Please.

Please, please, please, it'll mean so much to him.

All right, fine. Fuck.

We'll go the wedding, man.

Thank you.

I actually might fuck his mom, though.

Dude, you want me to drive?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Knock yourself out.

Oh shit, hold on.

What? What? What? What?

Nothing, my neighbor's just outside, man.

I don't... I don't want him to see me.

Why not?

I don't know dude, he's just an asshole.

Fuck, all right, come on.

Just be quick. Maybe he won't see us.

Okay.

Dude, what the fuck, where's the hole?

It's a button, dude. It's a button.

All right. Shh.

Shit.

Hey, Alec.

Fuck.

Hey, Tommy.

God damn it.

You know, we're in a pretty serious drought.

I think your grass might be green enough there, Tommy.

What are you, a landscaper now?

No, I'm an environmentalist.

Do me a favor, okay?

Can you stop openly trying to avoid me?

It's insulting.

I'm not trying to avoid you.

I just think you're the kind of guy

that maybe appreciate your space more than most, you know?

When am I going to get the money for my car, Alec?

It's been two weeks already.

Tommy, I'm going to get you your money for your car, okay?

I promise.

You know how annoying it is not to be able

to open my front door?

Every time I wanna get in,

I got to climb in through the window

like I'm in the fucking "Dukes of Hazzard."

Dude, what the fuck are The Dukes of Hazzard?

Don't be a smartass, Alec.

I know you think you can weasel your way out of this somehow,

but you can't.

If I don't get that money by noon tomorrow,

I'm gonna walk over to your house

and tell your mother that you backed into it

while you were drunk.

Don't, man, I'm going to get you your money, okay?

You better hope so, Alec.

You better fucking hope so.

Goddamnit, dude. What is this shit?

Why do you trash this car, man?

- I don't know. - Why do you do it?

I'm sorry.

What happened with your neighbor?

Oh...

I fucking backed up into his car the other night

when I was super fucked up.

Dude, you need to stop drinking and driving, man.

I know.

I owe that dude three grand for his car.

It's fucking ridiculous.

Fuck.

Yo, is there any way you can, like, loan me the money?

I mean, I'll pay you back as soon as I can.

No, I mean, I would,

but, like, my parents they check my credit card accounts, so...

I can call them and explain the situation-

I mean, they might...

Maybe they'll help you out, I don't know.

No, I don't want your mom hating me

any more than she already does.

Whatever, let's just go.

Dude, I mean, the fucking idiot was parked on the curb.

That's fucking illegal, okay?

There's... No wonder I would've...

I would have fucking hit it if I was sober.

Dumbass drug dealer. He's a fucking drug dealer.

I didn't tell you that, he's a fucking drug dealer.

And he makes me feel like I'm the bad guy.

It's ridiculous.

Dude, every...

What are you fucking doing?

- Hey. - Huh?

What are you doing?

I'm posting a video on my Snap story.

Dude, don't do that, man.

That's just a fucking tool the government uses

to constantly survey us.

Little camera on the front? It's not just for selfies.

Delete the app, okay?

I can't dude, I'm already addicted.

Plus, my pledge bros and I are trying to streak a hundred.

We're super-close.

Pledge bros?

Yeah, pledge bros, they're the guys that you pledge with

before you get initiated.

It's a fraternity thing, it's hard to explain.

Yeah, dude, sounds super bro-ey and awesome.

When are you going to invite me up, man?

- I wanna meet these pledge bros. - I will, man.

Uh...

When?

Soon, man, I'm...

I just been like crazy busy, you know?

How are the girls?

- Super hot. - Fuck.

Do you remember Machelle Lone from high school?

- Yeah.

Me and her are kind of dating.

What? Really?

Yeah.

That's...

I didn't even know you guys went to the same school.

She's your girlfriend?

I don't know if you'd say boyfriend-girlfriend, but...

Yeah, I mean, no, she's my girlfriend.

Yeah, she's my girlfriend for sure.

Why?

What do you mean why?

Why would you have a girlfriend in college?

That's like...

It's a rookie mistake, my friend.

Well, fuck, dude, I thought you'd be stoked.

Machelle was really cool in high school.

Dude, hookah bars were cool in the high school, man.

But you don't see us doing that shit anymore.

Come on, you're never thinking about all the girls

you could be getting down with at these frat parties?

I mean, not really, to be honest, dude.

Like, she's pretty fucking cute.

Let me ask you something.

Do you have any specific memories of brushing your teeth?

Of brushing my teeth?

Brushing your fucking teeth.

Yeah, I have plenty of memories of brushing my teeth, Alec.

No, I'm talking about one specific memory

of brushing your teeth. Can you think of one?

- I don't know, I guess not. - Exactly.

Because it's something you do every day.

Your brain gets so used to it

that it doesn't make any new memories from it, right?

- Right. - Okay.

So, therefore, having sex with the same girl every day

over and over and over again

isn't gonna make any new memories either,

and you're gonna regret it when you're old

that you didn't take advantage of being young.

Change is a good thing, my man.

You can't make every day become the same cycle,

or it's all gonna be forgotten.

Unless you save it all on your Snap story.

Right, just like every other fucking retard

in our generation.

So where are we going? What are we doing right now?

We're going to smoke.

You can if you want, man.

I haven't really been smoking that much lately.

Well, that's too bad 'cause I just bought an eighth

of the dankest weed I've ever smoked in my life.

Dude, what are you doing buying weed

when you owe your neighbor money?

Oh don't worry, man. I'm gonna pay him back.

I just thought that, you know,

we can fucking get high together.

I haven't seen you in months, dude.

This is going to be fun.

What kind of weed is it?

Oh, I don't know. Let me check, man.

Purple Mountain Donkey Cock.

What, dude?

No, I don't fucking know what it's called.

It's just smokey, come on.

Come on, dude.

All right, all right, fine, fine, fuck.

We're going to the spot?

Oh, yeah.

We're going to the spot.

Dude, I forgot how sketchy this spot is, man.

What are you talking about, man?

This is great.

There's joggers everywhere.

Look at this fucking view, dude. This is ridiculous.

Where are you gonna find a view like this?

You know, I used to fuck Kelly here,

like, all the time in high school.

No, no, no, Bridget. That was Bridget.

No...

Yeah, that was Kelly.

Right here.

Dude, what the fuck? You're barely lighting it.

Come on, get big and snap the bowl.

There you go.

Wow.

That's a big boy.

That's big boy move.

Oh fuck, dude, fuck.

Put that shit down. Put it down, put it down.

Oh, no. Okay, swallow it.

Dude, look at me right now. Fucking swallow the smoke, dude.

I can't have smoke in this car.

Oh no.

Are you okay? Are you okay?

Listen, man, you really shouldn't have smoked in here.

What?

Give me the fucking bowl. Give it to me give me.

Shit.

Give me the lighter, too. Give me the lighter, hurry.

All right.

Oh, God, no.

Shh.

All right, we should be good. We should be good.

Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

All right, just let me do all the talking.

Just let me do all talking.

- Oh, shit. - We'll be fine.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

He is coming, man.

Fucking get your head in the game, all right?

Let me do the talking.

Let me do the talking.

Hey there, officer, how's it going?

It's illegal to park a car here.

You guys are going to have to move.

Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

We'll get out of your hair.

Why are his eyes so red?

Oh...

Uh...

He's in a frat.

So they, like, farted on his pillow

'cause he's, like, pledging, and so he got...

He got pinkeye in both of his eyes.

I smell marijuana in here.

Will you boys mind stepping out so I can search your vehicle?

No, no, not at all.

Fuck.

You know what I should do?

What?

What I should do is write you both up for misdemeanor

for smoking cannabis in a public area.

But you know what?

I was your age once, huh?

I know how it is.

Smoking a little weed with your buddies, it's a blast.

But sooner or later, that weed you're smoking,

it's gonna turn into other things.

Acid, powder, pills, crystal, meth, crack.

And before you know it,

you're going down on another man

in a mall parking lot

just to pay for a dime bag of smack.

Look, all I'm saying is,

is be careful out there, huh?

And don't do stupid stuff in public areas.

Yes, sir.

Consider this your warning.

Thank you.

What the fuck just happened?

Dude, I'm like 85% sure that guy blew someone for drugs.

Definitely.

- What the fuck? - It's fucked up, man.

Shit.

I'll definitely die if I go and get it, huh?

- Yeah, you'll for sure die. - Yeah.

Fuck, man.

I'm not going to Kahji's wedding without any weed.

We'll just pick up some more. I'll pay for it, I don't care.

Dude, the guy I get it from is in Seattle,

so that can't happen.

Dude, there has to be someone we know who can get us weed.

Oh, shit, dude, there is. Ernie Wolf.

He lives around here. He's got a marijuana card.

Dude, I fucking hate Ernie Wolf.

Yeah, he's a tool, but we kind of don't have

any other options, do we?

Should I call him?

- Yeah, go ahead. - All right.

[I don't know how to say it.

♪ I've been big motherfucker since '92

♪ Big bitches, big money

♪ What you gonna do?

♪ I'm into...

Holy shit, look at that thing, man.

You think he'd let us drive it?

There's no way he'll let us drive it.

All right.

Hey, you know what? Let's just buy weed from him and go.

We don't have to be here for too long if we do that.

What are you talking about, man? This was the plan.

We were gonna come here, smoke with him and leave.

I don't want to be here for too long.

He doesn't need fucking money.

We don't have to buy weed from him.

The guy's loaded.

Come on, let's just do it.

Maybe he's matured since high school, you know?

Stop judging people.

- Who the fuck is it? - Dude.

Guys, it's me, man.

Relax.

Hey, it' not even loaded.

Relax.

You should've seen your fucking face.

What's up, bro?

How you doing, huh?

Good.

Oh, come in.

Come in, come in, come in.

Nate, hurry up, come on.

That was fucking funny.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No, we're good, we're good. He... He gave me a hug.

It's not loaded.

In and out.

It's not fucking funny, dude.

- No, no... - Come on, guys.

I really hurt myself.

Ooh!

So what've you guys been up to?

You know, man, just the same old shit, just chilling.

Cool man.

Cool.

How's the pussy at school, Nate?

Uh, yeah.

Pussy is good, man, it's good.

I bet those the sorority chicks are so fucking hot down there.

Is it just totally insane, or what?

Yeah, it's pretty insane, yeah.

Fuck, fuck.

You lucky motherfucker.

I wanna live vicariously through your dick.

I do.

So what are you guys doing today, huh?

Well, Kahji from high school is getting fucking married,

so we're gonna go to his wedding.

- What? - Yeah.

- No way. - Yeah.

Kahji, that motherfucker is getting married?

Jesus.

Shit, I fucking thought that he would die a virgin.

Yeah me too, man. He probably still will.

Such a fucking loser.

No!

He was such a fucking bitch!

Such a bitch.

Right?

Yeah, I mean, the only reason we're going

is just because apparently it's gonna be his first kiss,

and we just thought it'd be funny to see high as fuck.

Fucking smart.

It's fucking genius.

And I can help you out with that, all right?

Be right back.

Dude, is this fucking cocaine?

Look.

Hmm.

Yeah, that's definitely cocaine.

Check this shit out, boys.

Holy fucking shit, dude.

I call her Dank Sinatra.

All right, well, you got me all excited, man.

Let's fucking do it and smoke it, right?

All right.

I'll call it in right now.

You don't have any?

No, no, no I use a... I use a weed delivery service.

You can have it delivered when you have a card.

Shh-shh, shh-shh.

Hi there.

Uh, yes, I would like to place for delivery, please.

Ernie Wolf.

Give me a half ounce of Dark Knight Kush.

Yeah, just put it on the card on file.

Regular member.

Okay, 50 minutes.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Okay, bye.

Drugs are on the way, boys.

There you go.

You hungry?

Want some food?

I got pretzels and shit.

Snacks? I have Gushers. Huh?

I think we're good, man.

- Fifty minutes? - Come on, they'll fly by.

- Fifty minutes? - Just relax, just relax.

So...

Boys...

Before you got here...

I took the liberty of inviting over some company,

which...

I think you both will enjoy very much.

Uh-oh, some ladies?

- Oh, yeah. - Yes, dude, yes. Right?

What's the scoop on them? Do we know them, or they...

Did they go to high school with us or?

No.

You guys ever been on Cityscape Top Biz?

- Uh... - No.

- No. - Dude, check this shit out.

Check this shit out.

Look, this is some high-end shit, all right?

These chicks are totally shaved.

She sat on my face last week.

I swear to God, 4 p.m. Tuesday,

this couch right there where you're sitting.

Anyway, I ordered two about an hour ago.

Uh...

- Ordered? - Yeah.

Sandy and Heather.

I mean, that's probably not even their real name,

but who gives a fuck, you know?

Dude, you ordered prostitutes?

No.

No, well...

No, technically, they're escorts.

You pay them to hang out, they don't have to fuck you.

But they do!

You can do anything you want to them.

It's fucking awesome.

Oh, shit, what time is it?

Oh, they're gonna be here soon.

All right, yo, I'm gonna shave my pubes, all right?

There's beer in the fridge. Help yourself.

Help yourself, all right?

Get ready to party, they're gonna be here soon.

Hmm.

Oh, shit!

Dude, that guy is fucking crazy.

Yo...

Let's get the fuck out here.

What dude, why?

We haven't even smoked this thing yet.

I don't wanna be here for the prostitutes, dude.

This is gonna be... This is gonna be too weird.

You don't have to fuck them.

It'll be fine. He even said so.

I don't wanna sit here while you and Ernie do, okay?

I'm not gonna fuck any prostitutes.

Alec, this guy's coked out in the middle of the day.

He's fucking nuts.

So?

Oh, shit.

You guys stay seated, I got it.

Oh, shit. Dude, let's go. Let's just go.

It's too late, man. We are in this.

- Let's just go. - We are in this man.

Hang on tight.

All right, great.

Cool, this is happening, okay.

Guys, this is Sandy, and this is Heather.

Ladies, this is Nate and Alec.

Hi, guys.

Sit down.

Oh, my god, it is so hot outside.

I know. And it's not even summer yet.

Wait, wait. You know why that is, right?

Global warming.

Definitely.

Scary shit.

I mean, I don't know the science of it all,

but apparently we are all fucked.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna use the restroom.

Ernie, do you mind?

Yeah, use mine. Down at the end of the hall.

Thanks, man.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Oh, my God, I love your vest.

Oh, no, it's...

It's a... It's a stupid vest.

Oh, man, I feel really lonely over here.

I wanna come join you, guys.

It's hard

to get to know somebody when you're sitting

from a distance like that, you know?

Hmm, yeah.

Now we can get to know each other even...

better.

Yeah?

What do you think, Nate?

Should we get to know each other better?

Uh...

I don't know.

This fucking guy.

You know, I think connections are

the most important thing in life.

- Hmm. - You know?

It's the reason we're all here.

It's the reason we all do what we do...

even if it's just physical.

Do you agree?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Okay.

You know, Nate, my mom just called.

The dog got out again, so we gotta go help her find it.

Oh, shit. Uh...

Yeah.

We should definitely go help her right now, right?

What the fuck?

Heather, it was so nice to meet you.

And it was...

- Sassy? - Sandy.

Sandy, it was so nice to meet you, too.

Ernie, good to see you again, buddy.

Thanks for having us over, man.

What, you're leaving?

Yeah.

Well, we gotta go find the dog

before the kill shelter does the fucking...

you know, shoot the thing.

So great to see you guys. Thank you.

- Dude, is that an actual boner? - Shut the fuck up. Let's go.

Do you still want to fuck?

I mean, I guess.

Holy fucking shit, dude, that was fucking crazy man.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Thank you for saving me, dude.

Dude, no problem.

Dude, those girls were actually, like, kind of hot.

Yeah, man, they're okay.

Dude, the one sitting next to me was like...

She was ready to go, dude, like, her hand was like...

It wasn't touching my dick, but, dude,

it was, like, really fucking close to my dick.

Dude, you're pretty fucking giddy

for how terrified you were back there.

Can we go back?

Can you just drop me off?

Still got a boner?

You do.

Let me see it.

Dude, can you drop me...

Dude, drop me off, man.

All the Mexican food in my school sucks, dude.

I'm not defensive about anything

about our hometown at all, like, fuck our football teams,

fuck our baseball teams, I don't give a shit,

but we have the best Mexican food.

- For sure. - Hello.

My name is Linda, I'll be your server today.

Can I get you guys started with something to drink?

Splendid.

Uh...

Let's go with the Casanova IPA. Let's get a little weird, right?

Okay.

Can I see some ID?

Yeah.

All right, Linda, here's the deal.

I'm not actually 21,

I'm 19, but I just ordered the Casanova

because I know that it would really complement

the meal I'm about to order.

And if allowed such a privilege,

I will make sure that you see

a very generous tip coming your way.

If you're not 21, you have to get something else.

I understand that, I understand that.

And you know what?

I don't wanna make you uncomfortable

in your place of work.

But if we can both look at this situation realistically,

all right?

College students such as me and my friend here

drink on average

twice as much as an actual adult on a weekly basis.

I only have a few years until I turn 21,

and by then, I guarantee

I'll be no more mature than I am right now.

I also understand it's a liability for you

allowing us to drink, right?

But the fact is our tolerance is so ridiculously high

from the gargantuan amounts of alcohol we consume weekly,

I don't think it would affect our blood alcohol content

even a little bit.

So it's really a win-win here.

It's kind of a no-brainer, right?

The business you work for is going to make more money,

I will enjoy my dining experience that much more,

and you personally will receive a fatty tip coming your way.

What do you say, Linda? Let's get it going.

ID, please.

All right.

I like where this is going.

Okay, one IPA.

You?

Uh...

I also think that a beer would really complement...

- Just give me your ID. - Okay.

Cool.

- Your beers. - Thank you very much.

You ready to order?

Yes, we're gonna get two California burritos, please.

Okay. That it?

- Yes. - Okay.

- Thank you. - Yep. I'll grab those.

Yeah, sure.

Shh.

- Okay, okay. - I think I'm going to get...

Dude, please don't take a picture of your fucking beer.

No, I wasn't.

Yeah, sure you weren't.

Fuck yeah, dude.

All right, cheers, motherfucker.

Cheers, buddy.

To your mom.

Oh, you won't finish that.

You won't do it. You're too much of a bitch.

Wow.

That's weird, dude, it's gone.

Are you okay?

I'm great, dude.

- You don't look okay. - That was much-needed.

Oh, shit. Ooh.

See that dark haired girl? Just, like, keeps staring at me.

No shit. Damn, they're all hot.

Yeah, they are all hot.

They're some solid beans.

She's one of the cutest girls I've ever seen.

Interesting, man.

Solid. Good work, my friend.

Listen, I was peeing, I was getting some deep thoughts

and I think

Kahji's wedding is a bad idea, man.

We should just fucking bail. We don't have any weed.

I don't know where we're gonna get

any weed at this point.

Pointless, right?

We can just go sober. Who cares?

Yeah, fucking right, dude.

I'm not going to Kahji's wedding sober.

That's the whole point of going to Kahji's wedding,

it's to go not sober.

Plus, I need to figure out

how the fuck I'm going to pay my neighbor back.

It's a real issue at hand.

Oh, hey, Linda.

Yeah?

Uh, I don't know what came over me,

but I would like another beer.

No, you said you're only going to order one.

Linda, honey, I understand your frustration, okay?

I really do, I've been there before.

But I can go ask your manager right now

why I'm being denied service.

I can do that.

If he asked you, you're gonna have to tell him

we're under 21, and that's why,

which would be awkward because that would make you

the waitress who illegally and knowingly served minors

alcohol after checking both of their IDs.

Doesn't look too good on your part.

Actually, I hear it's quite frowned upon.

So if we could just do the right thing for both of us, you know.

You're a little extortionist.

And you're punk.

I'm a punk?

Fuck, dude.

Fucking bullshit.

Hey, those girls are coming. Put the cigarette out.

- Quickly. - All right, all right.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi. Sorry, I'm... I'm Amy.

I'm Nate. Nice to meet you.

- I'm Alec. - Amy. Nice to meet you, guys.

Uh, sorry, this is kind of weird coming on to you guys like this.

No, no, it's fine.

Well, we were just wondering

if you guys wouldn't mind doing us a favor maybe.

If you don't want to, we totally get it, just...

Uh, yeah, sure, what is it?

Uh, okay, well, we're going to this party tonight and...

Oh, oh, I like this favor already.

All right.

Well, we're going to this party and we were wondering

if you guys wouldn't mind buying us some alcohol.

Uh, uh...

If you don't want to, we totally understand.

It's just I don't...

- I mean, we would, but... - Yeah, no, we totally would.

- Let's do it. - Really?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

What are you guys doing over there?

Stop hiding, come on. Come on, get over here.

- Just get over here. - Awesome. Thank you, guys.

Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- There you are. - Thank you.

Absolutely.

Get comfy. Look out, it's a little messy in there.

This guy.

You good? All right.

Let's go.

What? What are you doing dude?

We can't buy alcohol.

Don't give me that, dude. Don't give me that.

Come on, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

Get in.

All right, all right.

All right, so, Amy, I got your name.

What are you guys' names?

- I'm Tracy. - Hannah.

Nice to meet you guys.

You're gonna have to forgive me if I forget.

I'm awful with names.

I'm one of those guys.

It's okay.

All right, cool.

All right, all right, all right.

I don't wanna lie to you guys.

We're only 19.

And we don't have fakes.

We just kind of sweet-talked the waitress

in the restaurant into giving us alcohol, so...

Honestly, it might be kind of tough

to get you guys booze.

Oh, uh...

But I do have something

I think might make your night even more fun.

Okay, what is it?

So I'm thinking, like, 60 bucks a gram,

five-hundred for the whole thing,

which is actually a pretty good deal.

It'll save you a lot of money in the long haul.

Alec, dude, what the fuck?

Is that cocaine?

No, it's baking soda. Yeah, it's cocaine.

Alec, what are you doing, dude? What?

So what do you guys think?

Uh, we don't really do that.

- Yeah, no. - Sorry.

Oh, okay. Well, we can... We can bump it down

to 50 if you guys want.

No, you know, it's okay.

It was nice meeting you guys, though.

- Bye. - Thanks.

Oh, okay. Uh...

Uh, hey, uh...

Nice to meet you.

That went downhill fast.

Gosh, dude, they were so fucking down.

Fuck it.

Did you steal that from Ernie?

Uh, no, I borrowed it from him.

What the fuck is the matter with you, man?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Are you fucking retarded? Did you see his fucking gun?

He's gonna fucking kill us, you idiot.

Calm down, all right?

He's not gonna fucking notice.

Don't push me like that.

What the fuck were you thinking

selling cocaine to girls in high school like that, man?

I was thinking

that I owe my neighbor 3000 dollars by tomorrow,

so I'm just trying to make some money.

Forgive me for being desperate, all right?

Uh...

I'm too old to still be putting up

with this shit, man, seriously.

This is fucking bullshit.

All right, dude, I get you're upset

and I apologize for what happened,

but can you get off your fucking high horse

for a second? It's getting annoying.

What are you talking about?

I mean, dude, just 'cause you go to some fancy ass college

with all your rich fucking friends

doesn't mean you're super mature all of a sudden.

Well, I'm sorry to say it, Alec,

but my friends in college would never do shit like this ever.

Your friends in college, dude?

Your friends in college are a bunch of fucking pussies

that just swipe daddy's credit card

whenever something goes wrong.

That fixes everything.

Dude, you don't even know them. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, you're right, I don't know them,

because you haven't invited me up once.

Is that honestly a fucking surprise?

If I invited you up,

you would just blackout at every party

and make a fucking idiot out of yourself

'cause you're fucking drunk, dude.

You'd be a fucking embarrassment.

Wow.

Okay.

All right, I didn't mean that. I just...

I don't know, man, it's...

I just have a lot of adrenaline in me.

It's cool, then.

Look man, let's just...

Fuck it, dude,

let's just go get some weed for the wedding

and go like we planned, all right?

I promise we can get so high

that we will forget we even had this conversation.

Okay?

- Okay? - Okay, dude.

Fuck.

Uh, where are we gonna get weed at this point?

I don't know, uh...

As of right, now I can only think of one person, but...

I don't think you're gonna like it.

What the fuck do you want?

Don't touch my cat, he's diseased.

Oh, what?

Okay, look.

I'm all out of my normal weed, but...

I have these edibles.

Thirty-five bucks a pop.

Tommy, 35 bucks a pop,

man, that seems like kind of a rip-off.

Yeah?

How about you pay me or get out?

Yeah, we'll just pay. You got... You got this?

Yeah, do you take Venmo?

What the fuck is a Venmo?

Venmo is an app

where you can send payments to people on your phone.

No.

No, no phones, no apps.

I need cash.

I don't... I don't have any cash.

Do you have cash?

- Yeah, I got cash. - Okay.

I'll just Venmo you my half.

Cool.

Uh, you should really consider getting Venmo.

It's, like, super convenient.

Forget about the fucking Venmo.

Jesus.

Seventy dollars.

Oh, and don't eat the whole thing at once.

I don't care how high you think your tolerance is,

eat half, see how you feel.

Definitely. Thank you so much. Let's go.

No, no, hold on.

While we're here, I think I have something

that you could be interested in.

What?

What the fuck is that?

It's cocaine.

What the hell are you doing with a bag of coke?

I just figured I owe you some money

and I can use this to pay off some of that money.

I don't know how much it's worth,

but I'm sure you have a scale or something that you could...

What are you, nuts?

What do you think I am, some kind of drug dealer?

Yeah.

No, I work at a stationery store,

I sell weed to my friends because I have a med card,

but I'm not a drug dealer.

Oh, shit.

I hate to break it to you, pal,

but you're gonna have to pay me back the old-fashioned way.

Tommy, look at me, man, come on.

We've been neighbors for a long time now,

and I know you're upset about the car thing,

I'm upset about the car thing.

It was a total accident.

But despite all our differences, man,

I've always considered us to be really good friends.

- I mean, we... Shut the fuck up, Alec.

You're gonna pay me back in cash tomorrow,

not in fucking Venmo

and not in fucking cocaine.

In cash, or I'm gonna walk over to your mother's house

and I'm going to tell her exactly what happened.

That's it, end of story. You understand?

- Yeah. - Good.

Now get the fuck out.

Fuck.

See you bright and early tomorrow, Alec.

Bright and early, baby.

Fucking stoners.

It's like... How do they make these?

Do they grind up, like, bud and, like, put it in the dough?

Or is there, like, pre-made, like, cookie dough, like...

Did you just eat the whole thing?

Yeah.

Dude, you're an idiot. He said to only need half.

Tommy is a fucking retard, dude.

He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Just eat the fucking cookie. Stop being a pussy.

Eat it.

I mean, I end up in a fucking ambulance,

you're gonna be taking care of me all day.

- I can't wait. - All right, fine.

Fine.

This will be really fucking fun for you.

Are you going to do it or just keep talking about it?

I'll do it. Fuck.

We're so stupid, bro.

We're stupid people.

- That's great. - This cookie tastes like shit.

I kind of like it.

All right, you good?

Yeah.

All right.

Let's do this shit.

Yeah.

We are here today to celebrate

something as special as life itself.

The love between two people can conquer any boundary

and overcome every obstacle known to man,

including death.

We've come together

at the invitation of Kahji and Maria

to celebrate their uniting in Christian love.

Look at that motherfucker.

It's Kahji, man.

He looks good.

Look at his wife.

That's what I was gonna say.

- She's not bad. - She's a hottie.

Jesus said I come to them...

Dude, are you feeling it?

Yeah, a little, like...

Like I'm high, you know,

but, like, at a really, like, chill level,

you know what I mean?

Yeah, dude, me too.

Oh, yeah.

...that we might have this life.

Fuck.

What dude, what happened?

What happened?

Why the fuck did we eat the whole thing?

That was fucking stupid.

Dude, you need to calm down.

You look like you're about to turn into a fucking Hulk.

Fuck.

Are you freaking out?

Your eyes are red as fuck.

No, they are not, dude.

Yes they are.

- Really? - Yeah.

Oh, shit, dude so are yours.

Yeah, no shit.

These people will only take one look at us

to know we are both high off our fucking asses, man.

Shh!

Kahji and Maria are here publicly

to declare that because of Jesus Christ...

Did that really just happen?

Dude, that old lady is fierce.

We should not be this fucked up in a church, man.

Since when have you given a fuck about religion, dude?

God gave us an apple, man,

and it represented temptation

and He said, "Don't touch it."

He said, "Don't touch it."

What apple?

It's like the apple of Eden, man.

You're not supposed to...

touch the cookie.

Okay?

Well, now you are talking about the cookie.

The cookie and the apple, it's the same shit.

Excuse me.

This is the most important day in their lives.

Would you please try to keep it down?

Sorry, it's over.

It's over.

...and one for each other.

Okay.

I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm not that high.

I'm okay.

I'm just gonna be okay from now on.

I'm just gonna be cool.

Oh, shit, dude.

He's looking right fucking at you, dude.

It's like He's piercing your soul with His gaze

and He's, like, opening His hands

like He's, like,

"I know what you did.

I know that you're high."

This is so weird.

- He fucking knows. - Stop, dude, okay?

Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me.

Okay?

Your wife, your partner in life and one true love...

But He knows. Just know that He knows.

I think those boys are both stoned.

Good times and the bad,

through sickness and in health,

for as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Maria? - Put them in, bro.

Put them in.

Can you do it for me? I'm really bad at eye drops.

What are you, a fucking child?

Just give me this fuck and let me do it.

Respect and honor him,

laugh with him, cry with him.

All right, just do it. Just do it.

I'm, like, fucking... Oh, okay.

Listen, dude, you gotta keep your fucking eye open.

They are open. Just fucking do it.

All right.

Through sickness and in health

for as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Please present the rings.

Okay.

And now by the power vested in me, I pronounce you...

Here's the kiss.

- ...husband and wife. - Oh, shit, dude.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fucking finally, dude.

Yeah!

- Whoo! - Kahji.

Get it.

Yeah!

Yes.

Congratulations.

Oh.

Look at those...

Dude, there he is.

He is such a geek, dude, I love it.

Let's just go say hi and then we'll bounce.

Oh, time out, dude.

It's a bar.

All right, but you do the talking,

'cause I'm still, like, tripping balls.

Fair enough.

No one's dancing.

You know what I'm saying?

You know, one of these.

I got moves.

You don't even know it, dude, but I do.

- I can dance better than you. - You've never seen me dance.

I've seen you dance. You suck at dancing.

- Hey, what's up, man? - Hey, guys.

Can we get two Jack and cokes?

Sure.

Hey, could you actually...

Can you make them doubles, please?

Sure, coming right up.

Appreciate it.

Wow, big man.

If I drink more, I'll get less stoned.

Yeah, I know. I like your style.

Thanks, man. How much are they?

Oh, no, it's an open bar. All the drinks are free.

Hold on, time out.

So you're telling me that we can have as many of these as we like

and they're free?

Yeah, that's correct.

Wow. What's your name?

Andy. - Andy, fuck yes, dude.

Cheers to you.

Cheers, man.

- Yeah. - Thanks.

Hmm.

No, you're not.

Wow. Let's go again.

Whoa!

I feel way less stoned.

- Uh-huh. - Feel way less stoned.

You didn't even look stoned before.

Sir, does he look high to you?

Andy, fucking Andy.

Thanks, Andy.

- Kahji. - Okay, cool.

Let's go fuck with him.

- There he is. - Oh.

Hey there.

Hey there. How...

Oh, good to see you.

Remember me from high school? I was buddies with Kahji.

You look great. You look great.

You did something new with your hair.

I gotta say, I really like it. I dig the flowers.

Hey, Alec, we should go...

Let's go say hi to Kahji, man.

You know what? I'll be there in a sec, man.

- You go on ahead, you know. - Let's go say hi to Kahji, dude.

He's the man of the hour.

Okay, you're pulling me away.

But we're grabbing a drink later, okay?

All right, I'm holding you to it.

Thank you for her flower.

I will take care of it.

I'll do anything you want me to.

Oh, someone call the fire department.

Oh, you guys made it!

- Why not? - Good to see you, man.

Congratulations, man.

Thanks, dude.

I'm so stoked you guys are here.

Let me introduce you to my wife.

- Okay. - Let's do it.

Jesus.

Maria, these are the guys that I've been telling you about.

Maria, it's so nice to meet you. I'm Nate.

You know what? We hug in this family.

I'm Alec. Pleasure.

It's a pleasure.

I've heard so much about you.

Yeah.

- Whoa. - Wow, there you go...

Okay.

Right in middle of a conversation, huh?

It's been nineteen long years, I gotta capitalize.

Can't blame you there.

- He's very serious about it. - Yeah, no kidding.

Well, I'm going to interrupt the capitalization.

You don't mind if we borrow him for a second?

We got some catching up to do, you know?

- Yeah, of course. - Yeah?

- Yeah, we'll be back soon. - Okay.

- Oh! - Holly shit.

- Damn. - Am I hard? I think so.

Let's separate you two, you know?

Yeah, till more starts to happen, you know what I mean?

- It's heating up in here. - Uh-huh.

Look at you, man, you're doing pretty well for yourself.

Married man, huh?

Call me daddy.

What?

Big Daddy.

Andy, what's up man?

Gentlemen.

Can we get three shots of tequila, please?

Absolutely.

That's right, baby. Hey, listen, uh...

So I know that you were, like, putting on a show

for your family and everything,

but you can level with us.

That really... that wasn't really your first kiss, was it?

Yeah.

What?

Told you man, this guy's legit.

Yeah, what a legend. Let's do this.

Thanks, dawgs, I'm chilling.

- No. - Come on, man.

You... It's your fucking wedding, dude.

- Take a shot with us. - It won't kill you.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Whoa! Ooh!

Yeah, that'll loosen you up, right?

You're gonna need it for tonight.

Are you nervous?

About what?

Can we get just three more, Andy?

- Sure. - Thank you.

You know, like, it's gonna be your first time,

it's going to be her first time.

Seems like a lot of pressure, right?

Well, technically it's not her first time, so...

Wait, what do you mean?

Oh, boys, shake this, all right? Here we go.

Hold on, time out.

What do you mean it's not gonna be her first time?

Well, she had a boyfriend before me when she was younger,

but, you know, she joined the church

and she reclaimed her virginity, so...

Yeah, so it's all good now.

Reclaimed her virginity?

Alec, Alec, let's take these, okay?

Round two, here we go.

Here we go. Round two, baby.

- Let's do it. - To Kahji.

Dude, so she's had sex before and you haven't?

Alec, dude, forget about it.

She reclaimed her virginity, it's fine, okay?

No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine.

I'm just saying, dude,

like, I don't mean to freak you out,

but it's gonna be weird when she knows

what she's doing and you don't.

You know what I'm saying?

Look, we really love each other, okay?

So it's gonna be all right.

Look, my... my family is calling me for photos.

- I gotta go. - Go for it, man.

Go kill them out there, okay?

You put on a good show out there, right, buddy?

What are you being a fucking asshole to him for, man?

Whoa.

You're fucking freaking him out, dude.

No, I'm not being a fucking asshole, dude.

I just think it's bullshit.

He got fucking swindled, dude, all right?

Think about when they go to bed later.

He gets in her pants

and finds out something he doesn't like, you know?

Maybe she has like an abnormally wide vagina or...

- What? - I don't know, man.

Crazy shit happens like that sometimes.

What are you talking about?

I mean, it's one thing if they're both virgins,

but it's an entirely other thing

if she isn't and he is.

I mean, she's never gonna fucking respect him.

She's never gonna respect him.

She's always gonna look down on him, dude.

Girls fucking hate it when, you know,

a guy doesn't know what they're doing.

Poor little guy.

For you.

All right.

But after this, we're taking a break, okay?

You know it.

I'm just trying to get fucking wasted.

Me too, dude. Can't wait.

All right, cheers.

Oh, fuck.

- Oh, shit. - Whoa.

- Hide. - What, man?

Fucking Ernie just walked in.

Are you kidding me?

How the fuck did he find us, man?

Dude, I don't know, maybe because you've been posting

fucking a bunch of shit on your gay little apps all day.

You left them a social-media trail

of breadcrumbs, motherfucker.

Ernie, dude. What's up, man?

Where the fuck is it, Alec?

Where's what, dude?

Look, don't fucking jerk me around.

Where the fuck is it?

I'm not jerking anybody, dude.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Don't fuck with me, Alec.

Where's my cocaine? I know you stole it.

Fucking relax, dude.

Shut the fuck up, Nate, you two-faced faggot.

Hey, man, relax, we're at a fucking wedding.

Ernie.

Dude, what are you doing here?

These fucking guys stole something from me,

and I'm here to take it back.

No, no, we didn't steal anything.

Alec, I'm gonna give you to the count of three

to give me my shit back.

And then I'm going to beat the shit out of you

in front of all these people.

One...

Two...

Fine.

Dude, what's your problem?

What's my problem?

You're defending these guys.

They don't even fucking like you.

The only reason they wanted to come to your wedding,

because they thought it would be funny

to watch you have your first kiss

while they were on drugs.

That's what they told me.

They don't give a shit about you.

They just wanted to make fun of you

while they were fucking stoned.

Look at them, they're fucking high as fuck.

If you guys wanted cocaine, I would have given it to you.

I tried to get you laid, for Christ's sake,

and this is how you repay me?

Ernie.

Listen, man, I'm sorry, okay?

I was in a really bad place, dude.

I know you guys think that I'm some rich parentless douchebag.

Yeah, I might do a lot of fucked-up shit to myself,

but at least I don't do fucked up shit to other people.

You guys really hurt my feelings today.

Congratulations, Kahji.

Fuck you, guys.

Damn, that's fucked up.

Dude, everything that Ernie said

was total bullshit, man, I swear to God.

Yo, the guy's a fucking psychopath, all right?

He lies all the time.

We've been excited to come for this for months, honestly.

Absolutely, man. We've been talking about it.

- Yeah. - Look.

Honestly, guys, I don't really care anymore.

I'm not stupid.

I know you guys never really liked

hanging out with me in high school.

You only liked hanging out with me

because I did your homework, and you got As in algebra.

But I don't need you guys anymore.

You know, I'm married now.

I only invited you here

because I wanted to prove to you both

that I was worth something.

And I wanted to see how much you guys have grown

since the last time I saw you, but...

It looks like nothing's changed,

you guys are still doing the same stupid shit

you did in high school,

and that's great and all, but...

It's not something I wanna be part of anymore.

Fuck, dude, we're really sorry for ruining your wedding, man.

She's a really beautiful girl.

We're really happy for you, honestly.

- Yeah, she is a fox, bro. - A fox, buddy.

Yeah.

I'm gonna fuck her really hard.

Wow.

Hey, I'd invite you both back in, but...

I'm pretty sure my entire family hates you.

- Oh, no, totally. - Yeah, they...

Makes sense. - Totally.

- Yeah. - It's good seeing you, guys.

Yo, Kahji.

Good luck on the other side, man.

Get big, baby.

Okay.

Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

What a mess.

Yeah.

Hey, can you drive? Are you good?

No, dude, I'm still pretty fucked up.

All right, here, give me your keys and switch spots.

Let's just sit in here.

We'll listen to the radio,

we'll chill and then we'll sober up.

We'll leave in a little bit.

All right.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, I don't mean to sound like...

Like gay or dramatic or anything,

but I'm sorry I was a dick to you earlier, man.

That wasn't chill at all.

Dude, don't worry about it, man. I'm over it.

Honestly, I miss you a lot when I'm at school.

Aww.

No, I... Honest, I really do. I just...

I think I didn't invite you up because I was just...

I don't know, I was just embarrassed

about the way things were going for me there.

Why?

I don't know, The only fraternity that gave me a bit

was, like, the lamest one on campus.

Honestly, everyone I hang out with

annoys the living shit out of me.

Shit.

What about Machelle, man?

I thought that that was going well.

No, it's...

It's not.

Why not?

I don't know, It's just she's not really my girlfriend.

We just... we're just kind of like seeing each other, but...

I thought by now, like, she would be, but...

I don't know, we just haven't been able to, like, cross

a certain, like, barrier or whatever you wanna call it.

Like you guys just don't click or...?

I don't know, man.

For some reason whenever...

We...

Whenever we're gonna have sex, it just...

doesn't happen, I just...

I don't know, I just...

I get really nervous and...

I mean, it's... it's not... It doesn't matter, dude,

it's not worth talking about.

It's not a big deal.

So, are you saying you haven't... You haven't lost it yet?

I don't know if it's her or if it's me

or what the fuck it is, but...

It's like you said, dude.

Girls don't like guys who don't know what they're doing.

I mean, fuck, fucking Kahji is getting laid before I am.

That's fucking sad.

No, dude, I'm a fucking idiot, all right?

I don't know why I said that earlier.

The reason you can't fuck Machelle

is probably because you just don't like her that much,

and that's fucking normal.

That's the way it should be.

Plus, I'm sorry to say it,

but Machelle is a psychotic bitch.

You know?

But that little Kahji was right, man.

I mean, he totally changed my perspective.

In life, there's men, and there's women

and we are the complete opposite of one another.

But at the end of the day, it's all about finding

that one that you have,

like, just a genuine connection with, man.

I mean, and I'll admit it, I haven't had sex in a while.

And I fucking mean it.

'Cause all the chicks I work with that are beat as fuck

and they are the only ones I have access to.

But it doesn't matter, dude.

You're fine, all right?

We'll find a Maria. Just trust me.

Yeah, no, you're right.

And you know what, dude? It's probably for the best.

I mean, Machelle gave me chlamydia in high school.

Wait, what?

Yeah, dude, fucked up.

Wait a minute, you and Machelle had sex in high school?

Yeah, man.

Oh, my God, dude, oh, fuck.

It still stings when I pee.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I don't know what to do about it.

- I just kind of... - See a doctor, dude.

Well, I just kind of pretend it's gonna go away,

and it never does.

- It doesn't go away. - It sucks, man.

It's scary. I'm scared.

Dude, do you know what you're gonna do

when you grow up?

Like, you know, when you get out of college and shit,

you know what you're gonna do with your life?

I don't fucking know. I have no idea.

Thank God.

I'm so sick of people telling me

they know exactly what they're gonna do

and how they're going to do it.

You know? It scares me, It scares the shit out of me.

I'm just a waiter who barely graduated high school.

What can you do? Where can you go from there?

Yeah, but if you want to be successful,

it's good to start at a humble place.

I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to go, dude?

My dad grew up sleeping in a fucking drawer

and I'm driving a Range Rover.

I mean, that's why my car is trashed all the time,

it's because I hate it.

I fucking hate how easy it was to get this.

I don't want a car this nice. It's not good for my brain.

Jesus Christ.

Only in fucking America do people complain

about being rich.

Well...

I mean, I'm not rich.

Dude, you're rich as fuck, all right?

You're rich, just accept it.

All I'm saying is,

it's good to earn things yourself

and not have everything handed to you, you know?

The only way to get big

is to start small.

Dude, it doesn't matter if you're rich or poor.

Everybody starts small.

Yeah.

What the fuck just happened?

What is this?

What is this, dude? Fix it.

Dude, fix it.

It's this shit fucking car, dude.

Oh, I probably shouldn't have played the radio

with the car turned off. I think I drained the battery.

I gotta call roadside service, I guess.

No, dude, that's not happening.

That's way too fucking long.

I'll be passed out at that point.

I say we zonk out.

I'll set an alarm for the morning.

We'll wake up and take care of it.

Goddammit, all right, fine.

All right. Good night, man.

Good night.

Despite all the bullshit, man, today was

pretty fucking awesome.

Yeah, I'd say it was fun.

Good night.

Good night.

Alec.

Alec, wake up.

Turn the alarm off.

Holy shit.

What the fuck are these people doing, man?

It's Sunday, dude. They're going to church.

That makes sense.

All righty.

What?

Dude, how the fuck am I gonna get three grand by today?

I don't know, is there anyone at work that can help you out?

No.

No, man, my dad's gonna have to pay for it.

He's gonna fucking kill me.

Shit.

I'm sorry, man.

It's okay.

I guess there's a lot of things I need to change.

Shit, if this isn't a wake-up call,

I don't wanna to see what will be.

Dude, if there's anyone I know

who can get out of this situation, it's you.

You'll figure something out. Don't worry about it, man.

You know what? You're right, I will, man.

I will figure something out. Thank you.

Yeah, sure thing, man, yeah.

- Good hanging with you today. - Yeah, you too, brother.

Yeah.

- Later. - See you.

And hey, you should come up to school some time

and visit me and meet my friends.

I think you'd like them.

Yes, dude.

That sounds awesome. Just let me know.

- I will. - Cool.

Uh...

Hey, man, good luck with the whole Machelle thing.

Yeah, thanks.

Cool.

Hey.

Hey.

Do you remember me?

Yeah, I do. It's uh... it's...

- Amy. - Amy. It's Amy, right.

Oh, my gosh. It's so nice to see you.

Yeah, it's good to see you, too.

I didn't think I'd...

- I know. This is weird, right? - Wow, this is really weird.

- Yeah. - Uh...

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry about yesterday.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm not, like, a drug dealer or anything.

It's fine.

My friend, he's just like... My friend from high school,

he's just, like, out-of-his-mind crazy.

I, uh...

I'm sorry, that must have scared the shit out of you.

It's okay.

Seriously, no. I have crazy friends too.

- You do? - Yeah.

So, okay, get this,

yesterday my friend sold ecstasy to my brother.

- Was he a little brother or? - Yeah, yeah, little brother.

Little brother, okay.

Yeah, he's 15, so, yeah.

- Okay. - Yeah, little.

It's young to be doing ecstasy.

- Fuck, you must've been... - Yeah, I know.

You must've been furious. That's...

Oh, I was pissed.

So pissed but...

I think I was more just pissed

at being friends with her in the first place.

You know? But...

What are you gonna do?

We all need crazy friends, right?

I mean, they're the ones we make all our memories with.

That's why we keep them around.

Yeah, that's true. There's...

There's no way I'll ever forget these last two days, so...

I agree with you there.

That's for sure.

Uh...

It's...

It is really nice to see you again.

It's really nice seeing you, too.

Oh, wait.

Holy shit. Wait, we're getting married?

Uh...

What?

No, I mean, like you seem really nice and pretty and all,

but, uh,

I don't know, that's... That's kind of crazy.

What are you talking about?

Fuck, it said in two years. I don't...

I don't see myself getting married

until I'm at least, like...

I don't know, like, 30.

Do you think you're hot shit or something?

No, really, do you think

that I'm not good enough for you?

Oh, no.

No, no, I wasn't saying that. I was just saying, like, it's...

Well, I mean, you know, it's a really big commitment...

It's a commitment?

You know, have fun

committing to jerking yourself off every night.

You're a fucking virgin.

Wait, no, I'm not.

Yeah, yeah, you are.

I can smell it on you, you fucking weirdo.

Oh, my God, I was just saying...

"Oh my God, I was just... I..."

You know what? Save it, okay.

I'm leaving. Go fuck yourself.

Oh.

Oh...

We could get married, I...

Shit.

Shit. Okay.

Okay.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck it.

♪ The days go on

♪? The days go on

♪ I traveled in my mind

♪ Through illusions I find

♪ Mystic Rabbit knows

♪ Where the carrot grows

♪ Never trust a man

♪ Who says he always knows

♪ So goodbye

♪ Little ones

♪ So goodbye

♪ Little ones

♪ Forever in the sun

♪ Is a time to be spent

♪ Forever in the sun

♪ You'll know everywhere I went

♪ Life is like a train

♪ And I'm living on the tracks

♪ Some people go strange

♪ They don't ever come back

♪ So goodbye

♪ Little ones

♪ So goodbye

♪ Little ones

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ The days go on

♪ The days go on

♪ I traveled in my mind

♪ Through illusions I find

♪ Mystic Rabbit knows

♪ Where the carrot grows

♪ Never trust a man

♪ Who says he always knows

♪ So goodbye

♪ Little ones

♪ So goodbye

♪ Little ones

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Oh

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