Original subtitles

- What's out there? - You scared me.

Gonna have to tie a bell around your neck so you don't keep sneaking up on me.

What do you look at in the ocean?

Oh, nothing.

You spend a lot of time staring at "nothing."

Okay, I take it back.

It's something, it's the big "out there."

The ocean is powerful, but mostly it's vast.

It's full of life, mystery.

Who knows what lies out there beneath the surface?

- Monsters? - Monsters? Maybe.

Dreams, sunken treasure.

It's the great unknown. That's what the ocean is.

I don't want to go, Mom.

I know you don't, but you have to.

It's gonna be fine.

They all think I choked that girl.

Yeah, but you know that you didn't and I know that you didn't.

And it's good enough for me. It should be good enough for you.

It's gonna be good enough for everyone else, too.

What's our mantra?

Every day, we're gonna be...

- Brave. - So brave.

Good job. Let's go.

Mom. Why did we move here?

Ziggy.

Okay.

I don't have time for this this morning. Please put your shirt on.

Why did we move here?

- Why? - That's enough.

You can finish that in the car. Let's go.

I don't mean to do your job but it begs the question,

"Is she running from something?"

You cannot be serious, Joseph.

What?

No.

No, this makes us look like cowards.

If you roll over on this, it sets a precedent...

- He basically laughed. - Do not yell at me!

- They don't know. - You're the one... Honey, can you...

If I go talk to the mayor, he might consider legal...

Do you understand the precedent that you'd be setting?

- I'd have to solicit the city council... - Don't yell at me.

...to even get funding to retain a lawyer.

You know what?

I'm a lady and I've never said this to anybody ever in my entire life,

but I'm going to say it to you.

You can go fuck yourself on the head.

Right on the head?

I'm sorry, but he's trying to shut down Avenue Q.

He says it's too controversial.

What does he want to replace it with?

Don't tell me Cats.

Do you remember your first day at school?

I do, actually.

I got asked out on a date by a second-grader, no less.

Did we accept?

He wore white Docksiders.

I'm sorry about last night.

The idea of a bully in the class...

I don't think he's a bully, but you're probably right.

We should err on the side of safety.

Hmm.

Wish I didn't have to fly out tonight.

I was thinking, when you get back from Vienna,

maybe we could see another counselor.

Yeah. I think it's a good idea.

This is gonna be a really good year for us, Sparkles.

- We'll just go away forever. - Why?

That's what the rulebook says.

Oops.

Oh, wow. Bit of a line here.

Oh, it'll move quickly.

We just drop-and-go. They've got it down to a science.

Water, water, water.

We don't go in?

No, we just drop them off. They can't be bothered with the parents now.

What, so we don't get to meet the teachers?

We did all that yesterday at orientation.

No. They go right into class today, don't you? Hmm?

Big boys.

Max, look what the witch gives me.

Whoa!

And that's not something you could have mentioned?

We discussed it.

Hey!

School time.

You could've told me the Orientation Day was...

Don't.

We may have assigned seats.

If not, you can plop down right next to me.

Hi, Skye.

- This is my friend, Ziggy. - Hi. We're half-sisters.

Sort of.

- My mom was married to her dad. - Hi, Chloe.

- Hey, Mama Bear. - Hi.

I'm going to yoga class. You wanna join me?

I would love to, but I have a job interview.

Oh, wow.

Don't worry about him, honey.

- He's gonna be fine. I promise.

Get laid, bitch.

God! See you later.

Maybe it was inappropriate handing out invites on the first day,

but Renata's a planner.

Renata was sending a message.

I was thinking you could do it.

I don't practice anymore. I can't.

I know, but you could come out of retirement just this one time,

so you could safeguard all the arts for Monterey.

Plus, hear me out.

I would be your only client,

and how fun would that be to have drinks with the client?

- Yoga is a time for quiet reflection. - Yeah, I know.

- I don't like to be touched. - Okay. Breathe into it.

- Okay. - There you go.

Back corner.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

- Don't "shush" me.

She has her own yoga studio. What's she even doing here?

- Okay.

We do have a session where the rules are more relaxed, you know?

Our perimenopausal class.

That won't be necessary. I won't be coming back.

You will never believe what she just said to me.

- What? - Here. No. Here.

- You look so pretty... - Please don't post that on Facebook.

- Ed will kill me... - Hey, Maddie. Hey, Celeste.

How amazing was that class?

Hi, guys. Nathan, yoga, wow.

Yeah. Bonnie got me into it.

Yeah, well, you know. Gotta sweat out all those toxins.

We drank like a bottle of wine last night, and today I was like, "You're going to yoga."

You know, I got Abby to sign up for one of my piloxing classes.

That's fantastic.

Oh, I'm gonna call again about that petition thing.

- I mean, it's ridiculous. - You don't need to worry about it.

But they should be able to just take my name off it, I mean.

Nothing's gonna stop us, honey.

Ticking bomb, I'll leave it at that.

Tick, tick, tick.

- Could she put a shirt on?

Boom.

Our very first project will be for each of you

to do a family tree.

Where you get to talk about your wonderful family.

Isn't that great?

But, before that

I am going to introduce you to a very, very special friend to our class.

This is Harry the Hippo.

Now Harry here has been a beloved member of the first grade,

for almost...

Ten years!

Now I know you're not in kindergarten anymore,

and you're about to find out

that the transition to first grade is not always easy.

But with Harry here, you won't even notice it. I promise.

And the best part.

You will all have your turn

to take Harry home for sleepovers.

Yes!

Well, I'm going to start off our day by passing Harry around,

so you can all greet him with a hug. Okay?

Here you go, Billy.

Yes.

Does Harry want to be hugged?

Why, yes. Harry loves hugs.

I mean, look, let's face it.

Amabella picked that Ziggy out of a line-up and she was unwavering.

The kid was off, I'll leave it at that.

I thought your flight was at 5:00.

Traffic might be bad.

- It's 11:30. - Thank you. Good to know.

Are you serious?

I changed my flight so I could be here on their first day of school.

And then I don't even get to go in the building.

I understand, but I just...

And for you to just dismiss my being upset about it?

I didn't dismiss anything.

- I just don't want to get blamed... - Yeah, you know what I think?

I think you didn't want me to be there for Orientation.

What?

You decided to have that moment all to yourself.

Mommy and her boys.

You are such a child.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm...

Don't.

I'm so sorry.

Fuck.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey.

Sorry. It's just...

Fuck. I'm sorry.

It's just, all this traveling, I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

They'll be grown one day and I...

Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No, no, no, no, no.

There you go.

There you go.

Mmm...

- Yeah!

No!

Oh, God!

- Oh. - God.

Perry and Celeste?

Honestly? I'd sleep with either.

Call the Wall Street Journal and tell them we make a deal now with these guys

or they're never gonna have anybody buy them.

No, this is ridiculous.

Juliette?

Because my daughter's gotta get picked up. Sorry, I'm distracted...

Yes.

You need to get in the car right now and... Hold on one second.

I thought you were picking her up.

No, I'm doing an interview here!

Turns out, it's actually harder to have a part-time job versus a full-time job

because, in addition to doing all that work, you're out there scouring for another job.

- Are you looking for another job? - I only do 20 hours a week, max.

Between you and I, I try and maintain my full-time mommy status,

so I can lord over women like Renata and the other career mommies.

Oh, there they are. Our future world leaders.

- Do you see mine? - Yep.

- Chloe! - Ma'am, please.

What, I can't call for my own daughter?

Please re-board the vehicle, ma'am.

- You causing trouble, woman? - Get in the car.

And don't ever blow your whistle at me again.

You're new here, I'm not.

- Mommy! - Hi, baby!

- So, how was your first day? - Fine. We got to meet Harry the Hippo.

- And, Zig? - Good.

- Yeah? - Teacher's nice.

She is? Oh, that's amazing!

- That's so great. - What's that?

Oh, Amabella's having a party. That's sweet.

I didn't get invited.

Honey, you don't know her very well. You don't know her at all.

This is about that stupid accusation.

It's fine.

Okay, what are we listening to?

Feces is never terribly far from Madeline's fan.

And the whole party thing created a vortex.

Outrageous is what it is.

For the whole class to be invited with the exception of Ziggy?

- I mean, come on. - Is he the kid who...

- Will you please... - What?

Chloe.

- Abby, come on. - This is so Renata.

On the very first day of school?

Well, if she's convinced that this Ziggy poses a threat to her daughter's safety,

of course he's not going to get invited.

I'm just saying

that distributing the invitations in the classroom,

to the exception of one person,

I mean, it's just unacceptable.

Thank you, honey. This looks delicious.

Abby, are you dating the fridge?

Mmm. Chloe. I set up a standing play-date with you and Ziggy on Thursdays.

Cool.

- Are we sure that's a good idea? - Why would it not be?

We don't know for a fact that he's innocent.

Maybe the benefit of the doubt should run to Chloe's favor instead of Ziggy.

Are you suggesting I might be putting my daughter in harm's way?

Oh, you mean our daughter?

Chloe, I don't know why you didn't text me or call me when the snub happened.

I might have been able to intervene.

How would she call you?

She has a phone in her doll.

Don't start with me right now. It's just for emergencies.

You really shouldn't encourage her to play with dolls.

And why is that exactly?

It's a little 1960s.

Not to mention sexist. Is it a Barbie doll?

You can't fit a phone in a Barbie, dummy.

Chloe.

Barbies aren't allowed anyways.

Sylvie Baker's gave Joey Proccacini a boner.

Okay. You know, Abigail,

I am super impressed with your emerging social conscience, I really am.

Shall we leave it at that or is now the time to pile on Bonnie?

I just have a very low tolerance for injustice,

which is exactly what's going on with Ziggy and his mom.

You fled the table when Abby brought up Bonnie.

I'd ask you what's the deal with Bonnie,

but I think we both know it's really about Nathan.

- That is not true. - That is true.

Ed, I shouldn't have to constantly run into the guy.

Monterey has 30,000 people

and I can't go to a goddamn yoga class without seeing him and her?

And yoga? Give me a break.

When I was married to him, he wouldn't so much as go for a walk,

and when he finally did, he never came back.

Remember that big fight I promised?

- Yeah. - I think now would be a good time.

Why?

Is Nathan the one?

What?

- What do you mean... - The one.

For every person, there's "the one."

Case in point, you're my one.

- Well, you are my... - Shut up!

But for you, he's the one you fell irreparably in love with,

who irreparably broke your heart.

Who you apparently can't get over, 15 years later.

- Have you lost your mind? - No.

I'm never out of my mind. I don't get to be crazy, Madeline.

I'm stable, I'm grounded.

Good old steady Eddie, that's me.

Wow.

Where is this coming from?

It's coming from the fact that you don't really seem to adore me,

that you're rarely interested in having sex.

But, specifically today, it's coming from your constant carrying on

about Nathan and his seemingly perfect life.

Which tells me that you're far from satisfied with your own.

And I'm fucking sick of it.

Look, I may not be the good-looking adventure ride, okay?

But there is something to be said for being there, for being truthful,

for being somebody you can steadfastly count on.

I will not be anybody's runner-up. You need to hear that.

Scratch the surface of any Jimmy Stewart...

Charlie Manson.

No.

- You okay? - He's scared.

Scared?

What are you scared of?

No, I'm not.

- He is. - Oh, he is.

How's Ziggy doing?

Good.

Do you think he was the one who hurt Amabella the other day?

- No. - He's really nice.

Could he come over?

- Yeah. Maybe. - Okay.

Just have to ask your dad.

Hey, wanna meet me at Side Door?

- I need to swap out my family for some vodka.

- Is your nanny there? - Yeah, she is, actually.

Great. I'll see you then.

I think they both had drinking problems. I do.

Well, I'm happy to let you post it, but nobody really reads these flyers.

And if you want to get work these days, you need a website.

- I know, it's just so expensive. - It's not as much as you think.

Madeline's husband, Ed, is in web design. He could help you put something together.

Maybe.

I already have an accountant, but otherwise, I would...

- It's all good. - No, I would.

- Do you have any clients? - Yeah, a few portables still from Santa Cruz.

Can I ask what brought you here?

The schools are great, to build a better life for her son.

That's all you'll get.

Whoa. Yes, Ziggy.

I did come here with dreams of a certain life. You are right.

Hopefully a better one.

Mom.

The chocolate one?

Okay, but I'm eating some.

We're looking at the victim's relationships with every parent who attended Trivia Night.

"Is Nathan the one?"Of course not!

That he doubts my love for him?

And Ed's not a neurotic guy.

So, maybe it is me, maybe I'm just lousy at conveying how much I...

I don't know.

You once said that you two don't have sex very often.

That's because I'm exhausted all the time from school, or the kids, or the play.

What was Nathan like in bed?

I don't want to talk about Nathan.

- Really? - Yeah.

But we are talking about Nathan.

- No, we were talking about Ed. - Okay.

Okay, what?

Is it possible that you had a little more passion for Nathan than you have for Ed?

And maybe he senses that?

Men can be a little more intuitive than we give them credit for, you know.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor?

My God, we don't need a counselor. Couples fight.

You telling me you and Perry don't ever fight?

Yeah, we do.

Sometimes.

And then do you run off to therapy afterwards?

More often than not, we end up having sex.

Really?

Yes.

Starts with anger and... It's complicated.

Sometimes I think that he likes to fight because it leads to sex.

Sometimes I think I like it, too.

How often does this happen?

Happens enough.

I have to say, Celeste, that sounds a little bit twisted.

But kind of great, too.

So the sex that you have, is it like...

Hello!

Hi, Celeste. Madeline. How are you?

I was over there with my girlfriends getting our drink on,

and I saw you two.

- Do you have a second? - Sure.

Did you know that they're thinking about closing down the local VA hospital?

It means that vets are having to drive all the way to Sacramento for their services,

which is so upsetting.

I've really dedicated a lot of my life to vets,

and specifically PTSD,

so I'm gonna hold a little fundraising dinner party

and help defray costs and keep the facility open.

It would be so great if you and Perry could come.

Yeah, sure.

And you and Ed, of course, would be so nice.

- You're such a kind person, Renata. - Thank you.

And, you know, it was very sweet of you to invite Chloe to Amabella's birthday party.

Of course. Of course.

However, it wasn't very sweet to single out and exclude little Ziggy.

Really?

Do you think it would be okay

for little Amabella to be strangled at her birthday party?

I don't think so.

If Ziggy doesn't go, then Chloe's not going.

Okay, I don't think this is the right time to be... Let's just... Thank you.

And if Chloe's out, then the entire brigade will follow.

- She's basically the pied piper. - What?

I like you, Madeline.

And I actually admire you for sticking up for your unapologetic friend.

But if I can offer something as objectively as I possibly can...

Do not fuck with my daughter's birthday.

I was in that bar, and I distinctly saw Madeline...

...glance at a steak knife.

What a cunt!

- Excuse me? - Why don't you get fucked!

Wow.

The war is on.

This really isn't fair to Chloe.

Excuse me?

Last year Amabella had a jumping castle and a magician.

This year only figures to be better.

Oh, please.

And for you to summarily say she can't go,

and use her as a tool to get other kids not to go?

I am not doing that.

One minute it's Nathan or Bonnie, now Renata,

not to mention the parking monitor, the girls in the car...

I can't even keep track of all the fights you start.

Somebody needs to invent an app.

Well, maybe you could have my back on some of them.

What is it about this Jane?

What is she, long lost sister or something?

- Just a cause in lieu of... - In lieu of what?

In lieu of a life? Is that what you were gonna say?

And Jane's a single mom. Do you need an app to put two and two together?

When Abigail was a little baby, Nathan was not around.

And I was a single mom, Ed. And I'm still angry about it.

It's not my love for Nathan that lingers after 15 years,

it's my resentment.

There's a big difference!

Did you hear me?

Oh.

They arrived just after you left.

Double the price, I think, for nighttime deliveries.

Wow.

On a less positive note I believe I've failed you miserably.

I thought Harry was just a stupid stuffed animal for babies.

He is.

- Mom?

- Can we sleep with you tonight? - Again?

Mmm.

Well, as long as Harry doesn't snore.

I've heard it's a problem, a real problem with hippos.

- Daddy snores. - Yes, Daddy does snore.

- No, like this.

Like this.

I wish Daddy were here.

Oh, yeah. Me, too.

But the four of us all together, we're gonna be fine.

- Mmm. - Hmm?

Oh! What happened?

Harry is missing a leg!

- It was Max. - It was Josh.

- It was Max. - It was Josh.

You know, that's really... That's super sweet of you, Madeline,

and as much as I appreciate that, I feel like, you know, if...

If this birthday party is ruined because of him,

then it's only going to make things worse for him.

Sweetheart, everyone just assumes around here I'm the root cause of everything.

Don't worry.

I'd prefer it if you just let Chloe go to the birthday party...

Let me call you right back.

Chloe, get in the car.

- Chloe, get in the car right now. - What?

I need to talk to you.

Now.

- I'm not having sex, I promise you. - What are those pills?

They're just for in case, you know, the day comes.

Not that it's coming anytime soon, but I just have 'em...

You are 16 years old. Where did you get them?

- From a doctor. - Dr. Ennis?

She wrote you a prescription without calling me?

Not her. I went to Planned Parenthood.

Please don't make a big deal about this. I'm not sexually active, okay?

Who took you there?

- What? - Planned Parenthood.

Did you take a car, an Uber? Did somebody give you a ride?

It's in Seaside. How did you get there?

Here you are.

- Love you, Mama. Bye. - Love you. Bye.

Have a good day.

- Stay in the car. - Ma'am!

I'm just gonna be a minute.

Bonnie?

Bonnie, can I talk to you for just a second?

- Of course. - Couple of things.

First of all, I'm happy that Abigail has bonded with your mother.

Thrilled about the communal potato-peeling thing.

But when it comes to my daughter's social recreational life,

particularly as it concerns to medications

that will permanently affect her reproductive organs,

will you just kick that little can of worms over to me?

- Do you understand? - I do.

And should Skye come to me 10 years down the road

and ask for a little lift to Planned Parenthood,

I would give you that courtesy call first.

Thanks.

- Ma'am! - I'm dropping off my kid!

Come on, Chloe.

My daughter. It's my daughter.

Next time you wanna do something like that,

why don't I take your daughter?

Your daughter. Do whatever you want to her.

Are you fucking kidding me?

And what I don't understand is

why my own daughter wouldn't come to me first.

I couldn't talk to my mom about birth control.

Really?

If I were you, I would just let it go.

I would. With Bonnie, Abigail. I'd ride it out.

I love my grudges. I tend to them like little pets.

- All right, I'm just saying. - I do the same thing.

I'm not into forgiveness either.

Really? Who do you not forgive?

No one. Just in general, you know?

"Never forgive. Never forget."

That sure sounds like a motto to live by.

- Good morning, Maddie. How are you? - Hi, Tom.

- Everyone's making me angry. - I'm sorry to hear that.

- Except for you. And you guys. - And me.

Oh.

Marv Hermann, he runs the muffler shop on Kentner,

and I hear that he's in need of some bookkeeping assistance.

Great. Thank you!

And actually maybe some legal assistance, too, if the zoning board stays on him.

I'm retired.

Unless you're defending the First Amendment.

You never give up.

Oh, I heard about this.

- Ridiculous. - I mean, I can't.

- Where are we living, girls? - It is ridiculous.

It's obscene. What can I get you, Maddie?

I'll have a cappuccino. And a shot.

I'm sure you have one back there.

- I'll see what I can do. - Thank you.

Yeah, I guess Shakespeare got it wrong.

"The play's the thing, unless it has puppets."

Exactly! See? He understands me.

Unfortunately, gay.

- Really? - Hmm.

- Come on. - Yes!

- You're sure about that? - All the best ones are.

- Hey. - Hey, Ed.

- What's up? - Hey, man.

Love the look. Especially the mirror, it's...

You gotta respect a man who has his own back.

Well. Standard stuff.

- Yeah. How's the computer business going? - Oh, great.

Kinda like landscaping, I guess.

- Growth business. - That's clever.

- Um... Hey, Thanks for meeting me. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I just wanted to discuss this whole thing with, like...

That happened with Bonnie and Abby.

Sure.

You know, as far as I can tell, there was no undue influence or interference.

Like, Abby asked Bonnie some questions about Planned Parenthood,

Bonnie answered them,

Abby then asked Bonnie to drive her there.

There was no parental usurping of any kind, I promise you that.

But I can discuss that whole thing with Maddie,

but what I wanted to take up with you is,

I think you can probably appreciate that it's a bit of a delicate balancing act with my ex.

So, you know, I kind of expect her to be rough on me,

but I think it's... Like, you can't punish Bonnie.

Well, I believe she's being nice to Bonnie, or at least trying, under the circumstances.

What circumstances would those be?

Nathan, come on. It was pretty tough when you left.

What? That was like 15 years ago.

It's difficult for Madeline to see you at every school function, so involved,

when you weren't there for Abigail.

It's difficult to run into you at yoga when you never...

You know what? Maybe I'm talking out of turn here.

No. I was young. You know?

And maybe a bit of a shit.

And I made some real mistakes with both Maddie and Abby.

But should I be required to make the same mistakes with Bonnie and Skye?

No. But, you know, it doesn't hurt to be mindful of other people's feelings sometimes.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Mr. Sensitive.

Excuse me?

No, actually, I meant that as a compliment.

You're kind of like today's standard bearer for the evolved man.

Like you work at home, and you...

And you do almost 50-50 of the child care. You even cook.

So you're the guy who likes to fish and hunt, and I'm...

- Mr. Girly-man? - That's not what I meant at all, man.

Listen, I thought it'd be indelicate to bring it up with Maddie.

That's why I'm bringing it up with you.

Well, that sounded like a threat, Nathan. Are you threatening me?

No, but actually, I feel like you're starting to threaten me,

which I don't think you want to go there.

You know, this thing with that Ziggy kid, all the talk of bullying?

I was bullied.

Sixth grade.

And I always turned the other cheek,

thinking that was the more mature thing to do.

Some 30 years later, it still haunts me

that I didn't beat the shit out of that kid.

So much so, I find myself fantasizing

that somebody will come along one day and say or do something to me,

that'll offer me the chance to redeem myself.

You've always treated me quite well, Nathan.

It's too bad.

Too bad.

The first thing I said, the very first thing I said,

it wasn't just the mothers.

I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass, you fuckin' talk to me like that again,

you fuckin' little shit.

Ed and Nathan hated each other's guts. Are we all afraid to say that?

There's clearly a lot of bad blood in this community.

What did he say?

The mayor refuses to authorize funding for the production.

Well, it should be a legal matter and we could make it a legal matter.

The funding is discretionary. He could deny it on whatever grounds...

Is he denying it?

He's suggesting we pick something more community-centric.

Joseph, we have worked so hard for this.

And we are being victimized by the small-mindedness

led by the likes of Renata Klein.

Understood, but we need to pick our battles. And this is just...

And, sometimes, our battles pick us.

We can't quit. We just can't.

Is this about the play, or winning?

I don't know. Maybe it's a little bit about both.

But I get sick and tired

of the morally superior in this town stepping all over everybody else.

And you said you wanted to be brave with your artistic direction.

That's all I'm asking.

Just...

Just be brave.

You told me to go fuck myself on the head.

I just get... You know how I get.

Please, this is important to me.

- I'll talk to the Mayor. - Thank you.

You're not gonna regret it. You're not.

What's this?

Frozen. I'm taking my wife and my little niece.

Amabella passed out her invitations on Wednesday morning.

Madeline was on the phone inviting the kids to Disney On Ice, by Thursday noon.

The two events were scheduled for the same day, same time.

A vicious shot over the bow.

Yeah. It's ridiculous.

- Okay. Thank you. - Yeah. Of course.

I mean, I don't know what's wrong with this woman.

It's like she's power hungry, she can't just let us all get along...

I said, "Thank you!"

Hello?

Sexual assault?

It appears Ziggy kissed Amabella.

Ziggy's advance was unwelcome and a little aggressive.

Ziggy kissed Amabella.

Ziggy kissed Amabella.

In addition to the murder investigation,

we are investigating others on assault and conspiracy to incite violence.

The intent, by all accounts, was to simply make peace with Amabella.

Which is an admission that he did try to choke her.

No, just hold on.

Zigfield still maintains his innocence on the whole choking front.

The idea of brandishing affection upon Amabella was first proffered by Chloe

in an attempt to ameliorate the birthday party brouhaha.

I'm sorry, excuse me. Are you saying Chloe had something to do with this?

- Yes. - Yes.

Mrs Klein.

She played a song. She invited Zigfield and Amabella to dance.

And it seems your daughter has inherited the

- "Let's solve everyone else's problems" gene.

The motion was then seconded by Skye.

I don't believe that my daughter would ever sanction a non-consensual touching.

She's a very peaceful child.

Isn't this just a lot of brouhaha about nothing?

Well, look, we have a policy, sir, and we'll get to the bottom of it.

- Really? You have a policy? - Yes.

Well, isn't that great news?

Why don't you follow your policy, or I'm getting an attorney.

- Okay, we're not there yet, Mrs Klein. - I'm there.

God. Attorneys? Really? Is that necessary?

Actually, in my graduate thesis, I coined the term "helicopter parent."

But these gems, they're fucking kamikazes.

And I'm not kidding.

No one takes responsibility for anything, and Chloe's involved.

...not to mention her health and well-being.

I mean, if I had a dime for every boy that I tried to kiss when I was six years old,

I mean, I can't even tell you, there were so many.

They're children, for Christ's sakes.

They're supposed to be doing things like kissing each other.

Jane?

What's wrong, honey?

You okay?

I'm sorry, I just...

Honey. It's okay.

They're just kids. By this time tomorrow it will all have blown over.

Come on.

How can you not wanna make up on this song?

Come on!

Make up, yes, not make out, silly.

It's what you guys do when you get mad at each other, big hug, kiss, bang!

And everything's better again.

- But it's different with married people. - Why?

I don't know. It just is. Don't start with me.

This is a beautiful song, honey.

Hey, baby.

- Hey, Sparkles. - I thought it was like midnight there.

Yeah, well, I can't sleep.

Jet lag.

Right.

Is that the bathrobe I bought you?

Mmm-hmm.

- It is. - Ah...

Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful.

I miss you.

Yeah. Miss you, too.

And the boys miss you.

So how was their second day?

It was fine.

Will you do me a favor?

What?

Would you take that beautiful robe off for a second?

The boys are waiting for me downstairs.

Yeah, well, I have to help myself go to sleep.

I need you to help me help myself.

Do I now?

Let me just a look at my gorgeous wife for a second.

Ten seconds.

I'll give you five.

Well, make it a nice five.

Okay. That's enough, naughty boy.

You'll have to come home sooner if you want more.

Come closer.

I love you.

Take her out of school if you're that concerned.

She's the one that has to leave? She didn't do anything...

I just don't think legal action is the answer. All right?

Let's see how it goes. I'm guessing it'll all sort itself out.

- I do not feel supported here.

Well.

I don't suppose I could argue with your feelings.

Ziggy, why are you awake?

You're supposed to be asleep.

- What's going on? - I saw you crying at school today.

I was just stressed out.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

At pick-up, I heard one of the mothers say I was a little monster.

What?

Baby, you're not a monster.

You're not a monster.

Ziggy, there's nothing wrong with you.

Okay?

I love you so much.

Pickles and mustard.

I'm not pregnant.

You know, if that day ever comes, the one you alluded to earlier...

Hmm.

The day I decide to have sex? That day?

Yes, that one.

Can we talk about it first?

Sure.

'Cause I actually think I could be helpful.

Okay.

I have a lot of girlfriends, as you know.

Never has any one of them ever said to me, "Gee, if only I'd had sex sooner in life."

Mmm-hmm. This is awkward now.

Bye.

So Nathan said that you threatened to beat him up.

Oh...

Of course not.

He wanted me to get you to back off Bonnie a little bit,

it led to a discussion, and...

I never threatened to beat him up.

I did let him know I wouldn't be intimidated by him,

which, I think, was his intent.

So how did you two leave it?

We left it...

He's got Bonnie's back and I've got yours.

My He-Man.

Oh, come on.

Can I just say one thing?

You never leave it at one thing.

You're the one, okay?

You're my only one.