All language subtitles for Abbys.S01E04.Book.Club.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_eng

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- "Abby's" is filmed

in front of a live
outdoor audience.

- Furthermore, the whole idea
of a desert island playlist

is flawed from the beginning,
okay, because any device

capable of a playlist function

would inevitably have
to be charged,

okay, and would
limited battery life

affect my song choices?
You bet your ass it would.

I mean, I'm only talking songs

under two minutes.

I'm talking about early punk,

I'm talking
about nursery rhymes...

- Oh, Bill!

We all stopped listening
forever ago.

What did I say
about hypothetical bar games?

all: Not when Bill's around.

- Thank you.

- So book club,

"Life of Pi."
What did we think?

- I didn't read it.

- I watched the movie.

- I watched the trailer.

I watched
some of the trailer.

- Let me get more pretzels,

and then we can discuss

the first half of the trailer.

Hi, Fred.

- Emily.

- Oh, it's...

- Ooh.

Looks like somebody
wants to...

join the book club.

- What?
Why would I--

I don't know
what you're talking about.

- Come on, Fred.
You've been nodding

at Emily for months now.

You're allowed to have
a little crush.

- Yeah, Fred.
You're sprung.

- No, I'm not.

- Do you even know
what that means?

- No, but I'm not.

- What's going on over here?

- We're teasing Fred
about Emily.

I call them "Fremily."

I was gonna call them
"Emilfred,"

but that sounds too much
like that sad lady

from "Handmaid's Tale."

- You got divorced what,
15 years ago?

When was the last time
you were on a date?

Did you have to break up
with her on a land line?

- First of all,
I still have a land line,

and I'm also a grown man, okay?

I can handle my own love life.

- You know, Fred, I also had
trouble meeting people

after I got divorced,
so I bought this dating book.

See, it's called
"Learning to Fish... Again."

It's, uh, a fisherman's guide

to getting back out
on the water.

Very insightful book.
Chapter two is called

"Don't Be Afraid
of the Lake."

It explains that lakes
are kind of scary,

but they're also nice.

- I don't fish on lakes, Bill.

- Well, yeah,
but it's a metaphor.

- For what?
- Well, the lake is...

the hotel bar?

I haven't finished
reading the book yet.

All right?

- You should ask Emily out.

I mean, she's smart,
she's attractive,

and she seems interested.

- When we were leaving
the bar the other night,

she looked at your car
and said,

"Oh, is that Fred's car?"

and I said, "Yeah, why?

She said, "Nothing.
Just wondering."

So yeah, it might be on.

- Why are we still talking
about this?

I don't need to date.
I like things the way they are.

- Come on, Fred,
ask her out.

It's just one date.
- Yeah, and then what?

- What do you mean,
"and then what?"

- Well, we go out,
we have a nice time.

Then what?
- You go out again.

- And then we go out
a few more times.

And then what?

- I don't know.
You take

a weekend trip together.

Enjoy yourselves.

- And then what?

- Maybe after a few years,
you move in together?

- Yeah, but really,
to what end?

- You have a partner with whom

you share your joys
and sorrows,

thus making your life richer
and more meaningful,

and then even
when you both die,

that love,
that--that chemistry,

that bond,

it stays in the universe
for eternity, man.

- Mm.

- And then what?

- I think I'm making
some progress with this book,

but, uh, I get a little lost
in the metaphors.

In chapter one,

there's lots of fish
in the sea.

Okay, I'm with you there.

In chapter six, pole caster
rigging techniques

to increase
your salmon harvest rate?

I mean, are the salmon women?
Are we okay with that?

- Yeah, Bill, I'm cool
with comparing women

to an animal
that's so stupid

it swims the wrong way
up a river

and then jumps right
into a bear's mouth.

- You know, Bill, I really like
to play the long game.

You know, really get to know
somebody before I make a move.

Hang out, become friends,

maybe even take them
to the airport.

Like this one girl?

Hey, you know I'm not
really big

on kissing and telling,

but we got stuck in traffic
for three hours

on the way
to the jetBlue terminal.

- Cool.
How many stars

did she give you?

James, you just need
to be direct.

- And I will eventually.

I'm telling you guys,
low and slow.

That's the best technique
for dating--

and sneaking up on a cat.

- James, I know making a move
is scary,

but you're being
a little bit of a chicken.

- Well, we'll see
who's a chicken tomorrow

when I help Willa
move into her new apartment.

Third floor walk-up.

We're gonna be at it all night.

- Hey, Fred, how's it going?

- Oh, uh, well,
pretty good.

This morning, I saw someone
on an electric scooter

just eat it on the grass.

- Oh.
- So that kind of made my day.

- Did you see that the Padres

moved Ramirez to the bullpen?

Now, who said
they should do that?

Was it me or was it you?
I can't remember.

- Hmm, it was you...

- Yeah, it was me.
- And not me.

- So, uh, I was wondering

do you want to get dinner
tomorrow night?

- Tomorrow.
Tomorrow's steak night.

- That sounds perfect.

- Okay, why not?

- Yes?

- Yeah.
- Great.

- Interesting.
He did not even have

to cast his line.
The fish just jumped

right into his boat.

.

- So are you excited?

- I don't know.
It's a lot.

Am I fully committed
to this thing?

- You said yes.

- Yeah, but sometimes,
the polite thing to do

is to say yes and then

disappear to Mexico
for a month.

- Come on, Fred,
you gotta get back out there.

You're a handsome guy.
You should be in the game.

I don't want you to be alone
and pathetic like Bill.

- Come on.
I'm just sitting here.

Jeez.

- Seriously, what's wrong
with Emily?

- Nothing.
She's great.

I've just got my life set up
just how I want it.

I don't want another person

polishing off the Triscuits.

- What I'm hearing
is you're afraid of change.

- That's insane.
I changed the name

of my fantasy baseball team

twice in the last five years.

- You added
an exclamation point

and then you took it off.

You're a maniac.

- Point is,
I'm not afraid of change.

- Oh, okay,
so you wouldn't mind

switching seats with me
for the night, then?

- No.

- Fred, it's just a barstool.
You're not buying a used car.

Oh, huh.
You need a refill,

but look at that.
We are all out of Coke.

I do have this beat-up can

of "Queen's Choice" cola,
though.

Is that okay?

- Sure.

The queen is famous
for her taste in soft drinks.

- Great.
Then enjoy.

I like it.

- Hey, James.
How was your date last night?

Did you go the classic route
and pay for the U-Haul,

or was it more modern,
and you went Dutch?

- Okay, I'll admit.

Low and slow didn't work
this time.

It's possible she just sees me
as a friend,

or as an actual mover.

Last night, when I was done,
she asked me

if there was paperwork
she had to sign.

- If you need

some new techniques
to meet women,

I got "Ethical Flirting,"

"Peacocking for Dummies,"

and then "Who's Stella Now?
The Male Guide

to Getting Your Groove Back."

- How about this?

James, who's someone
you're attracted to

that you've always wanted
to go out with?

- Ooh, Ursula
from "The Little Mermaid."

- Okay, I should have been
more specific.

Who's someone
you're attracted to

that isn't an evil, fictional
octopus monster?

- I don't know.

Erica's cute,

and sometimes,
she calls me Jimmy,

and that makes me
feel cute, too.

- Then just go over there.
Let her know you're interested.

Put it out there.
Be yourself.

- Okay.
- Wait, wait.

Quick question: I took a quiz

in the peacocking book.

It told me specifically
not to be myself.

- There's no way that's true.

- Well, it says if you score
between a 31 and 40,

be someone else.

- That's a mean book, Bill.

- Yeah.

- So what do you think Fred
and Emily are doing right now?

- I don't know.
I sort of picture them

on a walk, holding hands,

looking at antique cars,

refinishing a piece
of furniture.

- They're not in a Cialis
commercial, Beth.

I do hope it goes well.

Having a woman in his life
could do wonders for him.

- Yeah, he might stop using
a wet suit as a bath mat.

- You know men in relationships
live longer?

Actually, the exact opposite
for women.

So that's a sad fact I know.

Fred, Emily.

What are you doing here
back at the bar?

You're supposed to be
on a date.

- This is the date.
Steak night.

Two-for-one T-bones at Vons.

- Cialis commercials
are getting grim.

.

- You know what's crazy?

I cannot come up

with a single
moral justification

for eating meat,
but I just keep doing it.

It's too good.
It's incredible.

- I just need one second
to listen to the steak.

- Ah.

- Medium rare has
its own specific sizzle.

- Oh.

- Hey, Fred.

- Shh, shh, shh.

Ah, okay.
Go ahead.

- Emily, can I borrow Fred
for a second?

- Sure.
- Hey.

- Excuse me.

Oh, here.

Count to 32,

and then pull those babies
off the grill.

- All right, buddy,
you got this.

Just walk over to Erica,
say what's up,

and see if she wants
to hang out.

- Okay, okay.

Be direct.

Here I go.

- You got this, Stella.
Get your groove back!

- Hey, Erica.
- Hey.

- How you doing?
- I'm good.

- You're looking good.
That's for sure.

- Oh, thank you.

- What ya reading?

- Oh, just a Spanish textbook.

I'm taking a night class.

- Oh, at night.
Okay.

That's what's up.

Um, I was wondering,

um, you know, if you're free

and I'm free,

maybe... I could tutor you,

or you could just email me
your homework,

if that'd be easier.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- So what happened?

- I couldn't do it.
I chickened out.

- James...

- I know!
It gets worse.

Now I gotta learn Spanish.

- What are you doing?

You two should be giggling
in a bistro

or touring
a softly-lit vineyard,

or not here.

- This is steak night,

and this is where I make
my steaks,

and it's night,
so there you have it.

- You didn't even bring
any sides.

Were you just gonna hand her
a slab of meat?

- It's frontiers-y.

Sides weren't even invented

until the First World War.

- Okay,
I have got guac,

string cheese,

and a half a sleeve
of Ritz crackers.

Stop judging me!
I live with three men.

They're locusts.
They devour everything.

- Guys, I don't need your help.
I know what I'm doing.

- Fred, you're on a date.
You can't just listen to meat.

You gotta engage her,
you know?

Talk to her
about current events

or--or movies.

- Oh, are those things
I can talk about?

Thank you for the tip
on how to be a human.

Look, you guys, if she doesn't
like me how I am,

then it just wasn't meant
to be.

I don't need you two
treating me like a child.

- We're not treating you
like a child.

Now get over here and put on
a nice collared shirt.

- No, I don't want to.

- Fred, put on the shirt.
- No.

- Hey!

- You forced my hand.

- This is a new low.

- Hey there.
- Hi.

- I almost thought
you forgot about me.

Did you change your shirt?

- Oh, yeah.
Well, I--

I realized the other one
was very bad,

and--and this one is...

somehow better.

- Oh, should I have brought
a change of clothes?

I may have an extra pair
of socks in my car.

Here's some sides

if you like
that sort of thing.

I thought maybe
just steaks and whiskey

would be good,
but what do I know?

- Guac and, uh...

Ritz crackers.

That's an interesting take.

- Yeah, well, men are locusts,

or something.

- Is everything okay?

You seem
like you don't totally want

to be doing this right now.

- Oh, yeah, no, no, I do.

I'm just a little bit
in my head.

Beth and Abby have been on me

about this date
since the book club.

- Yeah, they've been
all over me, too.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- What'd they say to you?

- Well, they said that you
were interested,

but that you'd never make
the first move.

- So they told you
to ask me out?

- Yeah.
Should they not have?

Are you not interested?

- Oh, no, no, I am.
I was. I am.

- Ah.
- I--it's just that

I don't like the deception,

you know?
I'd have asked you out myself

in my own time.

- Yeah?
When?

- You know, like,
5 to 17 years.

- All right.

Let's forget
about Abby and Beth.

- Hmm.

- How about we just start over?

- I'd like that.
- Okay.

Is it okay if I skip the sides?

I kind of like the simplicity
of booze and steak.

It's like we're on
the Oregon Trail.

- I said "frontiers-y."

- Hey, you missed happy hour.

Did you just now get confused
about daylight savings time?

- Actually, I've been
with Emily.

- Hi, guys.

Hey, uh, grab me a Merlot,
and I'll fire up the grill.

- Okay.

- Wow.
Dinner again tonight?

- Actually, we spent
the whole day together.

We had brunch--

something I've heard of,
but never had.

- Did you go to Joan's?
Lavender and Iron?

Sweet Thistle?
Rose Café.

Café Rose?
One's better.

The Pig's Ear?
- For God's sake, Bill!

- I love brunch!

- Anyway, Abby,
you were so right.

Emily and I hit it off so well.

I should be more open
to change.

- See?
I told you.

I mean, not in your face,
because I'm happy for you,

but kind of in your face.

- Yeah, it's--it's crazy.

We have
such a strong connection.

We're not getting any younger,

so I say we give this
a serious shot.

- Exactly.
That's great!

- And so we've decided
to move in together.

- Wait, what?

- Yeah, no, I know,
it's fast,

but it just--
it feels right.

Plus, Emily has
this great place:

ocean views,
a huge patio,

one of those drawers
in the kitchen

that are magically filled
with ice.

It's perfect.

- Fred, the only reason

to live with someone

is if you're
contractually bound

by marriage, and even then,

I consider moving
into the garage

all the time.

- Beth, don't be crazy.

No one's talking
about marriage.

It's not like
we're gonna have kids.

Although...

Hey, babe?

Did you freeze your eggs?

That's a big 10-4
on the huevos.

.

- Moving in?

Calling her "babe"?

Saying "huevos"?

- What kind of an idiot is she?

She's made it this far
as a free woman

and then leaves the door open
by freezing her eggs?

It's like getting to mile 26,

then heading right back
to the starting line.

- Here's what happened.
He felt the touch of a woman

for the first time in a while,
and now he's losing his mind.

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, say, Beth, do you mind

if Emily sits there?

- By all means.

- Hey, so, have you guys

thought this through?

I mean, you know,

Emily has a--a cat, right?

And you're--
you're allergic to cats, right?

- Acupuncture is supposed

to be really great
for allergies.

- You know, I don't believe
in most doctors,

but acupuncture--
that sounds legitimate.

- Oh, boy, we gotta get going.
- Oh.

- No, no, Fred never leaves
before last call.

- Yeah, but we're going
to a stand-up comedy show.

- Stand-up comedy?

It's the real guy
that the character Kramer

was based on, but this guy
is even better,

because he's not racist!

- Okay, nope.

No, no, no, no.

No, that's it.
That's it.

Fred, Fred,
you're not thinking straight.

You hate cats
and stand-up.

One time, you said,

"If I ever pay money to go
to a stand-up comedy show,

"shoot me in the head,
because I'm already dead

and the aliens have taken over
my body."

- But this guy
doesn't just do stand-up.

He also plays funny songs
on the piano.

- He's got one called

"We Didn't Start The Shire."

It's based
on "Lord of the Rings."

- That is so fun.
Does he have anything

on Spotify, or--
- Not now, Bill!

Fred, leaving your life
open for change

doesn't mean changing

every single thing
about yourself

overnight on a whim.

- On a whim?
No, Abby,

we are really serious about--

- Emily, step off.

You're really nice,
but I will fight you.

Fred, this is all my fault,
okay?

Your life is great as it is,

and I never should've
pushed you to change,

all right?

I'm sorry.
I was wrong.

- You were--

what was the last part again?

- I was... wrong.

- Emily, did you hear that?

- Oh, you were right.

I never thought
she'd admit it.

- You just got pranked.

- What?

- We're not moving in together.

You were gonna fight me!

- I just wanted
to hear you say

you were wrong,
and you said it,

and now I got $20.

Yes, it was pretty great

for all of us.
- Not now, Bill!

- Grande es--no.

- How's the Spanish
coming along?

- Es muy...

It's as far as I've gotten.

- This is why I told you
to be direct.

- I was direct.

I usually wait for people

to ask me to do a favor.

This time, I offered.

I skipped a bunch of steps.

- How about this?
No favors at all.

- No favors?

I gotta bring something
to the table.

You don't show up to a potluck
empty-handed.

You bring
your vegetarian lasagna

and your green beans,
because, you know,

somebody's
gonna forget something.

- James, look at me.

You're a catch.

You're more than enough
on your own.

The only thing you need
to bring to the table

is James.

Now get back over there
and ask her out on a date.

At the risk of using
another metaphor,

put the ball in her court

and let the chips fall
where they may.

I'm sorry.
That was two metaphors.

Bill and his fish book
are in my head.

- Uh, yeah, so I finished

this book last night,

and it turns out that it was

just a book about fishing.

- Oh, my God.

- Hola, Erica.

- Hola, Jimmy.

Como estas?

- Look...

I think you're very beautiful

and I want to take you
on a date sometime.

Here's an imaginary ball,

and it's in your court now.

- Okay.

- Wait, what?

- I said okay.
I'd love to go out.

- Me too.
That's amazing.

- I mean, I was worried
no one at the bar

would ask me out again
after Chris and I broke up.

Some people are kind of scared
of him.

- Chris...

Chris?

You was dating Angry Chris?

No bueno.

- I gotta hand it to you.
That was well-played.

- Yeah, I was just trying
to prove a point.

You don't want me
to change that much.

- So you guys
gonna go out again?

- I don't know.
Maybe.

- Yeah, after last night,
I figured

it wasn't a romantic thing.

- What?
Why?

- Oh, I just--you know,
I didn't really sense

any chemistry between you guys.
Right, Beth?

- Yeah, zero.

- Yeah, it makes sense
that, uh,

you wouldn't take it
any further.

- Who says I'm not taking it
any further?

That's not up to you
to decide.

- You're right.
Okay, my apologies.

We agree to disagree.

- Yeah, we do, 'cause actually,

I think she's pretty great,

and I might just walk
over there right now

and ask her what she's doing
this weekend.

- Oh, okay.

Oh, my God...

- I can't believe
that worked.

- I feel like I just discovered
a new superpower.

- I--I see
what you did there.

Thank you.

- Hey, Abby.

You ever consider
writing a book?

- Not now, Bill.

- Well, then when?
When will it be time?