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# You must remember this
2
00:00:13,207 --> 00:00:15,801
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:15,847 --> 00:00:18,645
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:21,327 --> 00:00:25,002
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:25,047 --> 00:00:28,278
# As time goes by #
6
00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:34,444
- Gosh, you're early.
- I'm keen.
7
00:00:38,767 --> 00:00:40,325
Miss Pargetter?
8
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:43,996
No. Mum, there's a band for you.
9
00:00:44,047 --> 00:00:46,436
I don't laugh at jokes in the morning.
10
00:00:48,087 --> 00:00:50,157
- Good Lord.
- Miss Pargetter?
11
00:00:50,207 --> 00:00:52,801
- Um, yes, but...
- 3, 4, 1...
12
00:00:52,847 --> 00:00:57,477
# What are you doing the rest of your life?
13
00:00:57,527 --> 00:01:01,839
# North and south and east and west
of your life
14
00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:06,119
# I have only one request of your life
15
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,955
# That you spend it all with me #
16
00:01:10,007 --> 00:01:13,886
And I'm the me. Good morning!
17
00:01:13,927 --> 00:01:16,282
Alistair, what are you doing?
18
00:01:16,887 --> 00:01:21,324
- Good morning. Gentlemen.
- Will you stop that? It's 8:00 in the morning.
19
00:01:21,367 --> 00:01:24,006
- Who cares?
- I do.
20
00:01:24,047 --> 00:01:26,356
Now, clear off.
21
00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:33,283
- He doesn't do things by halves, does he?
- I've never been so embarrassed.
22
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,362
Look at me.
23
00:01:34,407 --> 00:01:37,717
- Love is blind.
- I don't know what you find so funny.
24
00:01:37,767 --> 00:01:40,076
# I have often walked... #
25
00:01:42,007 --> 00:01:43,804
Shut up!
26
00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:48,083
Hi, Li.
27
00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:51,401
- Go away.
- Isn't it a brilliant morning?
28
00:01:51,447 --> 00:01:54,598
- Ask me this afternoon.
- Listen, I'm just touching base.
29
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:58,083
- What?
- Touching base. You know...
30
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,162
Should we send for an interpreter?
31
00:02:02,207 --> 00:02:06,166
- How are you?
- New question or are we still touching base?
32
00:02:06,207 --> 00:02:09,483
That is touching base.
Seeing how you are.
33
00:02:09,527 --> 00:02:11,518
I'm very well, thank you. Goodbye.
34
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:14,362
- Li...
- And will you stop calling me that?
35
00:02:14,407 --> 00:02:17,001
Sorry, mate.
36
00:02:18,127 --> 00:02:23,247
Seeing how you are means, well,
seeing how you are.
37
00:02:23,287 --> 00:02:25,198
I've just told you, I'm very well.
38
00:02:25,247 --> 00:02:27,886
- Monster.
- Monster?
39
00:02:27,927 --> 00:02:30,282
That's all I needed to know.
40
00:02:30,327 --> 00:02:35,003
Well, I'll just collect my musicians
from the restaurant and be on my way.
41
00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:38,403
Why do you say things that I simply
have to ask questions about?
42
00:02:42,207 --> 00:02:44,960
- What things?
- What things.
43
00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,475
What are your musicians doing
in the restaurant?
44
00:02:47,527 --> 00:02:50,325
- I'm buying them breakfast.
- Oh, I see.
45
00:02:50,367 --> 00:02:53,165
I had them round at Jean's
at 8:00 this morning.
46
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,799
Musicians? What for?
47
00:02:54,847 --> 00:02:57,600
Serenading her, furthering my cause.
48
00:02:58,847 --> 00:03:03,159
- I imagine she was overcome.
- P for persistence. That's the main thing.
49
00:03:03,207 --> 00:03:04,879
Huh.
50
00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:06,918
You know...
51
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:08,116
you baffle me.
52
00:03:08,167 --> 00:03:09,998
I baffle you?
53
00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:13,562
Mm. I still can't figure out why
we're not in a two-horse race...
54
00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:16,519
- I haven't got a horse.
...with Jean as the winning post.
55
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:19,001
She wouldn't like to be described
as a winning post.
56
00:03:19,047 --> 00:03:22,676
- You know what I mean.
- Yes, for once I do.
57
00:03:23,207 --> 00:03:25,767
- So why aren't you an entry?
- I go lame.
58
00:03:25,807 --> 00:03:27,798
Oh, come on.
59
00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:31,242
- You're still quite presentable.
- Thank you.
60
00:03:31,287 --> 00:03:34,518
Strong in wind and limb,
not exactly a young stallion.
61
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,159
Not exactly.
62
00:03:36,207 --> 00:03:39,085
So it baffles me that you don't
show an interest. If I...
63
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:42,642
- Haven't you got someone else to annoy?
- Oh, yeah, tons of people.
64
00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:47,681
Unless, of course, you're waiting
for the right moment to make your move.
65
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,287
- I am, as a matter of fact.
- Mmm.
66
00:03:50,327 --> 00:03:54,605
Yes, I'm waiting to raise that cup to my lips
without you chuntering on.
67
00:03:56,007 --> 00:04:00,285
Yes... Well, see you, Li, er, mate,
68
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,363
er... champ.
69
00:04:03,287 --> 00:04:04,276
Champ?
70
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:07,402
- Well, hi.
- Morning, Alistair.
71
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,041
Nice. Very nice.
72
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:16,438
Hairy. Very hairy.
73
00:04:19,047 --> 00:04:21,003
- Chop-chop.
- What?
74
00:04:21,047 --> 00:04:24,323
- Oh, good morning, Judith.
- Good morning. How are you?
75
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,597
The company's improved. Want anything?
76
00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:31,767
No, thanks. Well. I'm ready when you are.
77
00:04:31,807 --> 00:04:34,685
- For what?
- I'm here to help with your revisions.
78
00:04:34,727 --> 00:04:38,356
- I thought Sandy was doing that.
- No, she can't, she's off sick.
79
00:04:46,967 --> 00:04:49,117
- Morning, Sandy.
- Morning, boss.
80
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:50,520
Slaters' rang.
81
00:04:50,567 --> 00:04:53,684
They know it's a cheek,
but could they have three temps tomorrow?
82
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,922
No. What did you say?
83
00:04:55,967 --> 00:04:58,606
"We've never let
an old customer down yet," I said.
84
00:04:58,647 --> 00:05:00,524
- You're going places.
- Thanks.
85
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:02,319
Only you find the three temps.
86
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,039
I already have.
87
00:05:04,087 --> 00:05:07,363
Gosh, you are going places.
What are you doing here?
88
00:05:07,927 --> 00:05:12,079
- Hanging on your every word.
- You should be helping Lionel.
89
00:05:12,127 --> 00:05:14,641
Judith went.
90
00:05:14,687 --> 00:05:16,484
- Did she?
- She insisted.
91
00:05:16,527 --> 00:05:20,315
- She's the Dragon Lady's daughter...
- I thought it was Iron Drawers.
92
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:22,676
That was weeks ago.
93
00:05:22,727 --> 00:05:25,719
- Insisted?
- Very nicely.
94
00:05:25,767 --> 00:05:28,839
Hmm. I wondered why she left so early.
95
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,327
- She doesn't!
- She does.
96
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:37,840
Two failed marriages behind her,
now she gets a crush on Lionel.
97
00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:41,317
If they get married, can I have her job?
98
00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:47,478
If they get married,
Lionel will be my son-in-law.
99
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:51,084
- Funny old life, isn't it?
- Yes, hysterical.
100
00:05:52,007 --> 00:05:55,397
- Does Lionel know?
- Oh, I doubt it. He's not very perceptive.
101
00:05:55,447 --> 00:05:59,486
Very flattering for an old chap to find out.
She's very attractive, Judith.
102
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,087
- She's my daughter!
- Well, you don't want him.
103
00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:04,038
Well, I didn't say I did.
104
00:06:04,087 --> 00:06:06,442
Anyway, you've got Alistair.
105
00:06:07,287 --> 00:06:09,642
If you go on,
those places I said you were going to
106
00:06:09,687 --> 00:06:12,918
will be out of that door
and onto the end of a dole queue.
107
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:18,796
So, you want one word
to describe your ex-wife.
108
00:06:18,847 --> 00:06:21,236
- Yes.
- What about winsome?
109
00:06:21,287 --> 00:06:24,597
No, I'd never describe
Margaret as winsome.
110
00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:25,796
Winning?
111
00:06:25,847 --> 00:06:28,919
No, that would be entering
the realms of fantasy.
112
00:06:28,967 --> 00:06:30,923
Ghastly.
113
00:06:31,567 --> 00:06:33,478
No, let me think for a moment.
114
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:34,880
- Ah!
- Got it?
115
00:06:34,927 --> 00:06:37,646
- I've got cramp.
- Oh. Where?
116
00:06:38,127 --> 00:06:39,799
In my neck. Where do you think?
117
00:06:40,727 --> 00:06:44,003
- Let me have a go.
- Ooh, I don't think that will be necessary.
118
00:06:44,047 --> 00:06:46,880
- Now... there?
- Yeah.
119
00:06:46,927 --> 00:06:50,078
- Oh-ooh!
- Easing off?
120
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:52,960
Ah, yes, a little. Hoo-oo.
121
00:06:53,007 --> 00:06:55,157
Coffee and biscuits for two...
122
00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,516
Oh... sorry.
123
00:06:57,567 --> 00:07:00,286
- It's cramp.
- I see.
124
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,515
Well, just put the tray down, will you?
125
00:07:05,567 --> 00:07:07,364
Oo-ooh.
126
00:07:08,687 --> 00:07:10,757
There is a lock on the door.
127
00:07:13,447 --> 00:07:15,483
Bang goes your reputation.
128
00:07:15,527 --> 00:07:19,998
I don't have one. When she came in yesterday,
I was on the floor with Sandy.
129
00:07:20,047 --> 00:07:22,561
- Doing what?
- Picking up papers.
130
00:07:23,287 --> 00:07:25,084
That's fine.
131
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:27,560
Thank you.
132
00:07:28,287 --> 00:07:29,515
Ah.
133
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:32,286
You got cramp
the first time we went out, remember?
134
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,876
So I did. Of course, I didn't know
you were Jean's daughter then.
135
00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:40,556
- What if you had known?
- Well...
136
00:07:40,607 --> 00:07:43,201
Would you still have tried to seduce me?
137
00:07:43,247 --> 00:07:45,681
This isn't a conversation we should continue.
138
00:07:45,727 --> 00:07:49,686
- Why?
- Well, it was very clumsy, on my part.
139
00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:51,683
No, it wasn't.
140
00:07:51,727 --> 00:07:55,163
Look, I know when I'm being clumsy
and please don't kneel like that.
141
00:07:55,207 --> 00:07:57,198
And don't say "like what?"
142
00:07:58,527 --> 00:08:00,722
- Coffee?
- Yes, please.
143
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:05,038
Alistair's clumsy.
144
00:08:05,087 --> 00:08:06,486
I thought you liked him.
145
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:11,043
Yes, I like him, but he's very young.
146
00:08:12,887 --> 00:08:16,675
- Looks about your age.
- Well, he's young for me, then.
147
00:08:18,407 --> 00:08:20,398
Would you like a biscuit?
148
00:08:22,207 --> 00:08:24,038
Yeah.
149
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:27,277
Rrrrrr!
Aaah!
150
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:30,284
- What's going on?
- It's a gorilla.
151
00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:33,239
I'll only ask you once more.
152
00:08:33,767 --> 00:08:35,280
It's a gorilla-gram.
153
00:08:35,327 --> 00:08:37,443
Oh, childish! Is it your birthday?
154
00:08:37,487 --> 00:08:41,321
- No. He wants you.
- Oh, it's absurd. Send it away.
155
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:43,961
- I'm only little.
- Sandy!
156
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,724
Can I help you?
157
00:09:01,727 --> 00:09:04,195
What?
158
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,556
I don't know what you're talking about.
159
00:09:10,487 --> 00:09:14,082
Take the head off.
160
00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:17,517
Take your head off!
161
00:09:19,847 --> 00:09:21,519
You're supposed to scream.
162
00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:23,558
Oh. Aaah!
163
00:09:25,487 --> 00:09:26,886
There, now goodbye.
164
00:09:27,607 --> 00:09:31,236
- You didn't sound very frightened.
- Well, I can't be really, can I?
165
00:09:31,287 --> 00:09:34,006
I knew I shouldn't have taken the head off.
166
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:36,003
We're not even supposed to speak.
167
00:09:36,047 --> 00:09:39,596
- What are you supposed to do?
- Well, roar and make you scream,
168
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:43,242
then throw you over me shoulder
and run about, generally.
169
00:09:44,607 --> 00:09:46,962
You won't be trying that, will you?
170
00:09:47,007 --> 00:09:49,362
No? No.
171
00:09:49,407 --> 00:09:51,602
No, it's all gone a bit flat now.
172
00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:54,480
It hasn't gone flat, it started flat.
173
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,961
- Who sent you?
- I've got a message.
174
00:09:57,007 --> 00:10:01,159
- I thought you weren't supposed to speak.
- A written one, it's in a little pocket.
175
00:10:02,007 --> 00:10:05,397
It's not easy with these big hands.
I keep telling them.
176
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,439
Well, point to it.
177
00:10:11,087 --> 00:10:14,716
- Would you like to sit down?
- No, thanks. It's hard getting up again.
178
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:17,597
Oh, I might have known.
179
00:10:17,647 --> 00:10:20,480
- Is that it?
- Well, unless you'd like a banana.
180
00:10:23,687 --> 00:10:28,363
- You won't be complaining, will you?
- Oh, no, I thought you were really good,
181
00:10:28,407 --> 00:10:29,965
really convincing.
182
00:10:30,647 --> 00:10:33,923
You wouldn't like a quick whizz round
on my shoulders?
183
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,003
- No, thank you.
- I could just run here.
184
00:10:36,047 --> 00:10:38,356
I'm very careful with skirts.
185
00:10:38,407 --> 00:10:40,637
- No, thank you.
- It'd make me feel better.
186
00:10:40,687 --> 00:10:43,679
I'd like you to feel better, but not that badly.
187
00:10:45,487 --> 00:10:48,445
- Back to base, then.
- Well, how do you do that?
188
00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:53,483
On the tube. We're only in North Ken.
God, it gets hot down there.
189
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,119
You don't keep the head on?
190
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:58,876
Oh, yes. I don't want to be recognised.
191
00:10:58,927 --> 00:11:01,805
I mean, pretending to be a gorilla.
192
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:04,919
I'm not very proud of it.
They're noble creatures.
193
00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:08,604
Sandy!
194
00:11:10,207 --> 00:11:12,084
That was all very quiet.
195
00:11:12,127 --> 00:11:14,721
Could our friend get a taxi, on our account?
196
00:11:15,287 --> 00:11:19,519
- That's very nice of you, very nice.
- Well, as you say, they're noble creatures.
197
00:11:22,127 --> 00:11:23,879
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
198
00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:31,127
Ta-da! Monster.
199
00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:37,278
So how did you like it?
200
00:11:37,327 --> 00:11:41,445
I don't think I've had as much pleasure
since I broke my arm 15 years ago.
201
00:11:41,487 --> 00:11:43,842
Oh, now, what sort of attitude is that?
202
00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:48,165
- Sanity. I'm too old for a gorilla-gram.
- Rubbish.
203
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,277
That's what I was trying to say.
204
00:11:50,327 --> 00:11:53,717
Any man with any sense would love
to throw you over his shoulder,
205
00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:57,555
rampage off into the jungle,
throw you down on some soft grass...
206
00:11:57,607 --> 00:11:59,325
You're getting carried away.
207
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:04,600
- I know. That's the effect you have on me.
- Alistair, it's a fantasy.
208
00:12:04,647 --> 00:12:06,877
- Let's go to Morocco.
- Certainly not.
209
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,918
- Brazil?
- You saw me this morning.
210
00:12:08,967 --> 00:12:10,002
- Oh, yes.
- A mess!
211
00:12:10,047 --> 00:12:13,881
- No. Beautifully rumpled from sleep.
- Oh.
212
00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:17,521
Still warm.
213
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:19,478
I bet your sheets were still warm.
214
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,240
- Oh, Alistair, this has got to stop.
- Say yes, then.
215
00:12:23,287 --> 00:12:25,118
- To what?
- Morocco.
216
00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:27,442
- Oh!
- Brazil?
217
00:12:28,087 --> 00:12:29,566
Middlesbrough?
218
00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:35,560
- Thanks for coming.
- I'm busy. What's so urgent?
219
00:12:35,607 --> 00:12:38,599
- Would you like a drink?
- No, thanks. What's so urgent?
220
00:12:38,647 --> 00:12:40,365
Sandy isn't ill at all.
221
00:12:40,407 --> 00:12:42,841
I know, she's been driving me mad all morning.
222
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,639
Why didn't you send her?
223
00:12:44,687 --> 00:12:48,282
I didn't want to make Judith look foolish.
I mean, any more foolish.
224
00:12:48,327 --> 00:12:49,840
You know, then?
225
00:12:49,887 --> 00:12:51,639
About you being gorgeous? Oh, yes.
226
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:55,043
- She's got a screw loose.
- Yes, that's what I said.
227
00:12:56,727 --> 00:12:58,957
It hasn't been easy in the Anson suite.
228
00:13:00,607 --> 00:13:02,199
What's funny about that?
229
00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:07,605
It's one of those deathless phrases, isn't it?
"It hasn't been easy in the Anson suite."
230
00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:09,319
Well, it hasn't.
231
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:12,439
The conversation keeps getting shifted around.
232
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:15,638
Even cramp emerges as a positive virtue.
233
00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:19,885
And that skirt doesn't help. I swear
it's got shorter as the morning's gone on.
234
00:13:19,927 --> 00:13:22,487
- You're embarrassed?
- Look at it this way.
235
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:27,043
It isn't every day I'm faced with
acres of leg, a very attractive body
236
00:13:27,087 --> 00:13:29,396
and a face actually giving me the come-on.
237
00:13:29,447 --> 00:13:30,800
No, I suppose not.
238
00:13:30,847 --> 00:13:32,439
I know not.
239
00:13:32,487 --> 00:13:35,524
She's not upstairs, is she,
slipping into something uncomfortable?
240
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:38,718
You don't think I'd be sitting down here
if she was, do you?
241
00:13:39,327 --> 00:13:41,283
The way you're talking, no, I don't.
242
00:13:41,327 --> 00:13:46,447
I didn't mean that. I sent her for something
I don't need so that I could talk to you.
243
00:13:46,487 --> 00:13:50,321
- Hmph. I don't see what I can do about it.
- Well, you're her mother.
244
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:53,518
- Then I'm the last person she'd listen to.
- Oh.
245
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,319
What if I weren't her mother?
246
00:13:57,447 --> 00:14:00,962
I'd be praying that I'd live up
to her expectations.
247
00:14:01,847 --> 00:14:03,075
Well, you did ask!
248
00:14:04,287 --> 00:14:06,596
- You're flattered!
- All right.
249
00:14:06,647 --> 00:14:09,207
You're flattered by Alistair's juvenile attentions.
250
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:11,283
- Don't be absurd.
- Oh, I see.
251
00:14:11,327 --> 00:14:13,682
This is a conversation where I'm to be honest
252
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:16,605
- and you're allowed to lie.
- Oh, OK, I am flattered.
253
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,524
- So, we're both flattered.
- Yes.
254
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:22,401
Perhaps we should retire
to a home for the flattered.
255
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:25,325
Home for the aged flattered.
256
00:14:25,367 --> 00:14:28,165
Alistair sent me a gorilla-gram
this morning.
257
00:14:28,207 --> 00:14:30,675
And I accused him of being juvenile.
258
00:14:31,407 --> 00:14:34,240
The gorilla's heart wasn't in it, otherwise...
259
00:14:34,287 --> 00:14:36,517
- Up and down the high street.
- Yes.
260
00:14:38,767 --> 00:14:40,325
I heard about the band.
261
00:14:40,367 --> 00:14:45,725
Oh, they weren't bad. Just early.
But a gorilla-gram!
262
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:48,918
- You said you were flattered.
- Well, I am by the attention,
263
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:51,197
not by the way Alistair expresses it.
264
00:14:51,247 --> 00:14:53,442
Then he asked me to go to Morocco.
265
00:14:53,487 --> 00:14:56,126
Well, if you want to make a fool of yourself,
just do it.
266
00:14:56,847 --> 00:15:00,556
Look, I don't know if you've noticed,
but it isn't 1953 any more.
267
00:15:00,607 --> 00:15:04,236
If an older woman wants
a young boyfriend, she can these days.
268
00:15:04,927 --> 00:15:08,317
- You call them toy boys, don't you?
- Oh, don't look so smug.
269
00:15:09,407 --> 00:15:12,319
It's the same as an old man
having a young girlfriend.
270
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:15,404
How come you're an older woman
but I'm an old man?
271
00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:19,486
- All right, older. Older. Still no difference.
- Well, of course there is.
272
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:23,281
- What?
- Well... It's more traditional.
273
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:26,160
Look, we're not talking about
Trooping the Colour.
274
00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:28,960
- Acceptable, then.
- To whom? Men?
275
00:15:29,007 --> 00:15:31,282
You never used to talk like this.
276
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:37,086
Well, I was young then. If I wanted a young
boyfriend then, he'd have been in short trousers.
277
00:15:37,127 --> 00:15:39,925
I'd have had to take him to the zoo
and buy him sweets.
278
00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:44,006
So, you do like the idea
of a younger boyfriend then?
279
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,995
No. Well, I don't know, do you know?
280
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,958
Oh, I don't know about you these days.
281
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,963
Not me, you.
282
00:15:51,007 --> 00:15:53,601
Oh. I want Sandy back.
283
00:15:54,207 --> 00:15:59,281
I don't see how that would help. Not in
your present Monarch Of The Glen mood.
284
00:15:59,327 --> 00:16:01,966
- She's a very sexy girl.
- I'm sure she is.
285
00:16:02,007 --> 00:16:05,238
But she sees what she sees,
not what she wants to see.
286
00:16:07,127 --> 00:16:10,483
I suppose Alistair sees
what he wants to see.
287
00:16:10,527 --> 00:16:12,085
- Aah!
- You all right?
288
00:16:12,127 --> 00:16:13,924
Oh, it's my back.
289
00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:17,757
Rather funny, really.
You get backache, I get cramp.
290
00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:20,685
And here we are, a couple of sex symbols.
291
00:16:25,287 --> 00:16:27,403
- Have we had a reply?
- No.
292
00:16:27,447 --> 00:16:31,440
It's no good them sending us faxes
if the faxes are unintelligible.
293
00:16:36,447 --> 00:16:39,086
- Guess who?
- Oh, who let him in?
294
00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:40,879
I did.
295
00:16:40,927 --> 00:16:43,885
- You're supposed to protect me.
- I'm not a bodyguard.
296
00:16:44,527 --> 00:16:47,564
- Anyway, he's very persuasive.
- Oh, he's a pain.
297
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:51,361
- Oh, he's got a lovely smile.
- I'm going home.
298
00:16:51,407 --> 00:16:53,875
- Tired?
- Better locks on the doors.
299
00:16:54,527 --> 00:16:56,802
Better be quick.
300
00:16:58,687 --> 00:17:00,678
- Aha!
- Aha, I'm busy.
301
00:17:00,727 --> 00:17:03,685
You think I'm not?
I have a publishing company to run.
302
00:17:03,727 --> 00:17:05,319
The difference is I don't care.
303
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:08,484
No, the difference is you're
wealthy enough not to have to.
304
00:17:09,327 --> 00:17:10,965
I've got a great idea.
305
00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:14,602
If it involves balloons, musicians or gorillas,
I don't want to know.
306
00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:18,276
- What about a picnic on Sunday?
- Where? Mount Fujiyama?
307
00:17:18,327 --> 00:17:20,557
- If you like.
- I haven't got time.
308
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:25,086
Actually, I was thinking more of Richmond,
by the river.
309
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,635
- Please.
- All right.
310
00:17:28,687 --> 00:17:30,040
- You've cracked!
- No.
311
00:17:30,087 --> 00:17:32,203
- There's a condition.
- Anything.
312
00:17:32,247 --> 00:17:34,886
If I say yes, will you stop
pestering me for a week?
313
00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:38,276
- If it's what you want.
- I've just said so.
314
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,759
- After the picnic, I mean.
- Huh. You're very confident.
315
00:17:41,807 --> 00:17:44,275
Yes, I am.
316
00:17:44,327 --> 00:17:48,878
I can remember
when I was about, ooh, six months old...
317
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:54,486
And I remember looking up into my mirror
with the red and yellow beads
318
00:17:54,527 --> 00:17:56,882
and I remember saying to myself,
319
00:17:56,927 --> 00:18:00,044
"Face it. Alistair Deacon...
320
00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:02,647
"you have a lot to be confident about."
321
00:18:05,967 --> 00:18:07,446
I love it when you laugh.
322
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,240
Don't get used to it.
There's another condition.
323
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:12,198
- Unfair!
- I know.
324
00:18:12,247 --> 00:18:15,045
It's, er, not a physical one, is it?
325
00:18:15,087 --> 00:18:18,284
- No.
- That's a relief. Go on.
326
00:18:19,887 --> 00:18:23,357
A picnic? It's all wet grass and wasps.
327
00:18:23,407 --> 00:18:25,398
All right, dry grass and wasps.
328
00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:28,278
Yes, but why?
329
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,759
Will you stop doing that?
330
00:18:31,687 --> 00:18:35,566
- No, it's Judith. She's distracting me.
- Tell her to act her age.
331
00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:38,440
- Your mother says act your age.
- That's rich.
332
00:18:38,487 --> 00:18:42,719
She said, "That's rich." Yes, I know, I know.
333
00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:44,515
Go on.
334
00:18:46,847 --> 00:18:48,838
Are you sure?
335
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:52,515
All right. I'll ask.
336
00:18:52,567 --> 00:18:54,364
Was that Mum checking up?
337
00:18:54,407 --> 00:18:56,602
- No.
- Who's going on a picnic?
338
00:18:57,247 --> 00:19:01,798
- Um... your mother and Alistair.
- Oh, well, well.
339
00:19:02,647 --> 00:19:05,764
Look, um, would you...
340
00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,116
- Would you like to go on a picnic?
- Who with?
341
00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:11,806
- Um... me.
- Yes.
342
00:19:12,487 --> 00:19:15,763
- You can think about it.
- No, I don't need to. Where shall we go?
343
00:19:15,807 --> 00:19:17,286
Er...
344
00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:19,761
Well, the same place as them, I suppose.
345
00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:21,843
You mean it's the four of us?
346
00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:25,038
Well, um, more or less, yes.
347
00:19:25,087 --> 00:19:26,805
Oh.
348
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:30,760
Well, think of it as, uh, two couples.
349
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,685
Got ya.
350
00:19:33,727 --> 00:19:35,638
Will you stop doing that?
351
00:19:38,287 --> 00:19:40,676
It's like a bad plot for a restoration comedy.
352
00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:45,164
No, it isn't. Look, we all get together,
Judy and Alistair look at each other,
353
00:19:45,207 --> 00:19:50,042
the scales drop from their eyes,
they walk off hand in hand and we get peace.
354
00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:51,520
What about the toy boy idea?
355
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:54,923
That only works as a theory,
when Alistair isn't actually there.
356
00:19:54,967 --> 00:19:56,195
Silly theory.
357
00:19:56,247 --> 00:19:58,807
- Of course, when he is there, phwoo-hoo.
- What?
358
00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:00,678
Nothing.
359
00:20:00,727 --> 00:20:04,800
- Why say it, then?
- Well, he is very personable.
360
00:20:04,847 --> 00:20:07,566
- Not an adjective I'd use.
- You're not a woman.
361
00:20:08,527 --> 00:20:12,076
So what you're saying is,
when he's around, you go all gooey.
362
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,800
- That's not an adjective I'd use.
- Silly?
363
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:18,556
Look, you positively preen when Judy
just wrinkles her nose at you.
364
00:20:18,607 --> 00:20:20,757
I've never preened in my life.
365
00:20:20,807 --> 00:20:24,561
But I'll just say this. This plan of yours
might come unstuck.
366
00:20:25,127 --> 00:20:28,119
And I'm not being immodest
but Judith is fairly struck.
367
00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:30,522
So is Alistair. Very, very, very struck.
368
00:20:30,567 --> 00:20:32,956
- We're doing it again, aren't we?
- Yes, we are.
369
00:20:33,007 --> 00:20:35,521
Trying to snatch a drink
at the fountain of youth.
370
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,445
- I got cramp again the other day.
- Reaching for the fountain?
371
00:20:39,487 --> 00:20:42,160
- Reaching for a pencil.
- Oh.
372
00:20:43,007 --> 00:20:46,283
- How's the backache?
- Oh, it's gone. It hasn't come back.
373
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:48,887
- Good to hear.
- Thank you.
374
00:20:48,927 --> 00:20:52,920
- Well, this picnic, it's worth a go, I suppose.
- Of course it is.
375
00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:55,925
What else would you be doing
on a Sunday afternoon?
376
00:20:55,967 --> 00:21:02,202
I don't know. Trying to stay awake
while Rugby Special is on BBC2, I suppose.
377
00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:06,083
- What about you?
- Nodding off while Rugby Special's on.
378
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:09,765
- Makes you sleepy even thinking about it.
- Yes, it does.
379
00:21:11,207 --> 00:21:12,720
Is it warm enough for a bikini?
380
00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:14,723
- Oh, no.
- Why not?
381
00:21:16,487 --> 00:21:17,840
Well, it's a lovely day.
382
00:21:49,567 --> 00:21:52,161
Are you all right, Li?
383
00:21:52,207 --> 00:21:53,959
I'm fine.
384
00:21:55,007 --> 00:21:58,397
- Want to rest for a bit?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
385
00:21:59,687 --> 00:22:01,086
Poor old Lionel.
386
00:22:01,127 --> 00:22:04,563
There's more to a man
than carrying a picnic hamper. There!
387
00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:08,486
- There's a good spot!
- Brilliant. Set her down, Li.
388
00:22:13,807 --> 00:22:16,958
Are you sure you're all right?
You've gone a funny colour.
389
00:22:17,007 --> 00:22:19,077
It's sheer exhilaration.
390
00:22:19,647 --> 00:22:21,603
Are you all right?
391
00:22:22,567 --> 00:22:24,603
I'm just having a sit-down.
392
00:22:25,447 --> 00:22:27,278
Look out. Mud.
393
00:22:27,327 --> 00:22:29,397
- Oh, where? Where?
- Nowhere.
394
00:22:29,447 --> 00:22:33,360
- Oh, no, Alistair! Alistair! Put me down.
- In a minute, in a minute.
395
00:22:33,407 --> 00:22:38,322
- Oh, please, Alistair, I feel silly.
- Oh, you look absolutely wonderful.
396
00:22:41,007 --> 00:22:43,202
- Couldn't make it, huh?
- Feeling better?
397
00:22:43,247 --> 00:22:45,317
I'm fine, I'm game for anything.
398
00:22:50,127 --> 00:22:52,687
Missed, Lionel.
My back!
399
00:22:56,407 --> 00:22:58,079
Yours, Li!
400
00:23:00,007 --> 00:23:03,363
- I wasn't ready.
- Stay there, I'll get it.
401
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:12,604
- Mum!
- Oh!
402
00:23:13,327 --> 00:23:15,887
Stay there. I'll get it.
403
00:23:22,887 --> 00:23:24,639
They're getting on well.
404
00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:27,556
I wouldn't call that a burgeoning romance.
405
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:31,805
- You're only miffed because you didn't catch it.
- Your display wasn't athletic.
406
00:23:31,847 --> 00:23:35,123
- I caught more than you.
- Only cos Alistair threw you soft ones.
407
00:23:35,167 --> 00:23:36,441
Pfff.
408
00:23:38,007 --> 00:23:40,202
Oh, look, they're talking.
409
00:23:40,247 --> 00:23:42,044
He's probably proposing.
410
00:23:43,487 --> 00:23:45,557
God, I'm hot.
411
00:23:55,087 --> 00:23:57,203
Good idea.
412
00:24:04,487 --> 00:24:06,284
Let's eat.
413
00:24:07,247 --> 00:24:09,966
Et... voilĂ .
414
00:24:14,967 --> 00:24:19,802
- Why don't we go for a stroll?
- Can we let the lunch go down first?
415
00:24:23,327 --> 00:24:25,602
Shall we go for a stroll?
416
00:24:25,647 --> 00:24:29,003
Well, perhaps it's the wine,
but this grass has got comfortable.
417
00:24:29,047 --> 00:24:31,641
Why don't you two go for a stroll?
418
00:24:32,207 --> 00:24:34,482
No, I'm all right.
419
00:24:37,527 --> 00:24:41,315
I've got some badminton gear in the car,
we could set that up.
420
00:24:41,367 --> 00:24:43,801
What a good idea.
421
00:24:51,287 --> 00:24:54,085
- How's your badminton?
- Rusty-ish. Yours?
422
00:24:54,127 --> 00:24:57,199
- Nonexistent.
- Did we ever go on a picnic?
423
00:24:57,847 --> 00:25:01,886
Yes. You bought a bottle of cider,
I made some meat-paste sandwiches
424
00:25:01,927 --> 00:25:04,487
and we bought a couple of rock cakes
in a shop.
425
00:25:04,527 --> 00:25:08,042
Sophisticates. We didn't tear about
like those two.
426
00:25:08,087 --> 00:25:10,840
We couldn't. The field was full of cowpats.
427
00:25:13,687 --> 00:25:17,043
- I wanted to ask you something.
- What?
428
00:25:17,087 --> 00:25:20,602
Well, it's about your mother.
You don't mind, do you?
429
00:25:20,647 --> 00:25:25,084
- No. I think she's quite nice, really.
- You know what I mean.
430
00:25:25,127 --> 00:25:30,076
- Why should I mind?
- Well, I'm a good deal younger than she is.
431
00:25:30,127 --> 00:25:33,563
I wouldn't like you to think
I was just seeking a new experience.
432
00:25:33,607 --> 00:25:37,964
I don't believe age matters.
I think Lionel's gorgeous.
433
00:25:38,007 --> 00:25:42,922
Good. Do you think we could contrive
to... split this afternoon?
434
00:25:42,967 --> 00:25:45,083
My thoughts exactly.
435
00:25:46,047 --> 00:25:48,515
- Let's do it.
- Let's do it.
436
00:25:52,007 --> 00:25:53,201
Oh.
437
00:25:54,567 --> 00:25:56,125
Oh.
438
00:25:57,167 --> 00:25:59,476
He looks older.
439
00:25:59,527 --> 00:26:02,041
Jean doesn't.
440
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:07,885
- Shall we go for a stroll?
- Might as well.
441
00:26:14,967 --> 00:26:16,764
Ooh.
442
00:26:19,607 --> 00:26:21,598
Urgh!
443
00:26:22,767 --> 00:26:25,122
Oh, bloody stuff.
444
00:26:25,167 --> 00:26:29,046
Oh, come here. Ooh!
445
00:26:30,207 --> 00:26:31,435
Thanks.
446
00:26:33,687 --> 00:26:35,678
I didn't mean to fall asleep.
447
00:26:35,727 --> 00:26:38,525
Neither did I. They've gone.
448
00:26:39,767 --> 00:26:41,723
My plan must have worked.
449
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:46,045
Watching people sleep has its natural time span
as a spectator sport.
450
00:26:46,087 --> 00:26:48,362
- Badminton?
- Oh, no, thanks.
451
00:26:49,207 --> 00:26:50,686
I wonder what they're doing.
452
00:26:50,727 --> 00:26:54,163
Probably discussing whether to inject us
with monkey glands.
453
00:26:54,207 --> 00:26:55,959
Probably.
454
00:26:56,807 --> 00:27:00,595
Which ever you look at it, we played games
with the children and flaked out.
455
00:27:00,647 --> 00:27:02,877
We shouldn't be playing games of any sort.
456
00:27:02,927 --> 00:27:06,203
- You're right.
- We're just a couple of wrinklies.
457
00:27:06,247 --> 00:27:08,158
I prefer to call them laughter lines.
458
00:27:08,207 --> 00:27:11,882
So do I, but when you have them
all over your body, it's hard to justify.
459
00:27:11,927 --> 00:27:13,963
You can say you laughed all over.
460
00:27:17,727 --> 00:27:23,802
If you repeat this, I shall say I was drunk.
But I'm glad you're back in my life again.
461
00:27:24,447 --> 00:27:27,405
You are back in my life again, aren't you?
462
00:27:27,447 --> 00:27:29,358
I seem to be. Yes.
463
00:27:30,247 --> 00:27:32,238
Nice to have a friend.
464
00:27:32,807 --> 00:27:36,004
Yes. It's nice to have a friend.
465
00:27:41,647 --> 00:27:45,083
- What are you doing?
- I'm giving you a friendly kiss.
466
00:27:45,127 --> 00:27:46,719
Oh.
467
00:27:58,607 --> 00:28:02,759
- Oh, damn and blast.
- What now?
468
00:28:04,487 --> 00:28:06,125
I need a pee.
469
00:28:10,647 --> 00:28:12,444
Go on, then.
470
00:28:21,487 --> 00:28:24,206
# You must remember this
471
00:28:24,247 --> 00:28:26,807
# A kiss is still a kiss
472
00:28:26,847 --> 00:28:30,237
# A sigh is just a sigh
473
00:28:32,207 --> 00:28:35,961
# The fundamental things apply
474
00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:39,761
# As time goes by
475
00:28:43,007 --> 00:28:45,760
# And when two lovers woo
476
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:48,560
# They still say I love you
477
00:28:48,607 --> 00:28:51,519
# On that you can rely
478
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# The world will always welcome lovers
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00:28:59,767 --> 00:29:07,720
# As time goes by #
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00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:18,720
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