All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S05E05.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

It's from Game of Thrones.

What do you think?

I don't know.

If we're going to start a fantasy sword
collection, and I've long thought we

should, is this really the sword to
start with?

What did you have in mind?

Well, off the top of my head, I'd have
to go with Excalibur.

It gives you the right to rule England.

It would be a replica of a movie prop.

Fair enough.

It would give you the right to rule a
replica of England.

Well, they don't have an Excalibur here,
so what do you want to do?

Tough decision.

There's no weaponry from Lord of the
Rings forged in a Chinese sweatshop.

There's still no bag and sword over
there.

Two grown men with a hobbit's dagger.
Wouldn't we look silly?

Okay, let's go for it.

Oh, I see you guys have found my little
treasure.

Yeah.

It's okay, I guess.

It's okay? It's magnificent.

What do you want for it? Well, it's hard
to put a price on something that's a

copy of something that was on pay cable.

For my friends, let's say $250.

Oh, that's pretty steep.

Well, it's a limited edition. They only
made $8 ,000 of these bad boys.

It's only $8 ,000? We're wasting
precious time. Buy it.

Hang on.

Can you do any better?

Are you kidding? I'm already giving you
the friends and family discount.

Oh, did you hear that? We're getting the
friends and family discount.

We are honored, and we will take it.

Slow down.

$200. What are you doing? $250 is
already a discounted price.

I'll tell you what, I'll go $235.

Nope, maybe another time. Okay, $225 is
my final offer. Take it, take it.

$200. Man, you're killing me. I'm
killing you. I can't breathe.

2 -10, and I'm losing money. Oh, no, we
can't let him lose money, Leonard. I'm

so sorry.

2 -10, and you throw in the Iron Man
helmet. Are you crazy? That helmet's

by Robert Downey Jr.

So?

Okay, if you're going to question the
importance of an actor's signature on a

plastic helmet from a movie based on a
comic book, then all of our lives have

meaning.

Okay, fine. Just the sword, 2 -10.

Thank you.

I can eat meat this week.

See that?

I just saved us 40 bucks.

I've long said what you lack in academic
knowledge you make up for in street

smart.

You want me to wrap it?

No, it's okay. I'm going to stab my
friend in the chest.

Hey, Stuart.

Oh, hey. Well, hello, Wil Wheaton.

Hi, Sheldon. Nice sword.

It's part of my sword collection.

Do you have a sword collection?

No. I'm not surprised.

Here's the Batman 612 with a Jim Lee
alternate cover that you wanted.

Awesome. What do I owe you? Forty bucks.

Good deal.

Sucker. Didn't even ask for the friends
and family discount.

Hey, I'm having a party at my house on
Friday and I was hoping you would stop

by. Will there be girls there?

Yeah, of course.

Just there wasn't last time.

There will be girls.

You guys are invited if you want to come
by.

Thank you.

All right, great.

Later.

I see what you're doing.

You accept an invitation to a party at
the home of my sworn enemy. He tells

everyone we're going to be there, and
when we don't show, he looks the fool.

Fiendishly clever.

I was actually thinking about going.

And then declaring the party a fiasco
and storming out, leaving him humiliated

in front of his guest. Love it.

No, I'm just going to grab Raj and
Howard and have a good time.

All right, great. More guys.

It's going to be another Wil Wheaton
sausage fest.

Sheldon, can you grab me a water?

Possibly.

Can you or can't you? It's not that
simple, Leonard.

It never is, is it?

At this moment, our relationship exists
in two mutually contradictory states.

Until you either do not go or go to Wil
Wheaton's party, you are simultaneously

my friend and not my friend.

I'm characterizing this phenomenon as
Schrodinger's friendship.

Can I have my water? No, of course.

Now get it yourself, you traitor.

Okay, what is going on? In case you have
forgotten, Schrodinger's cat is a

thought experiment. Well, I didn't
forget.

There's a cat in a box, and until you
open it, it's either dead or alive or

both.

Although back in Nebraska, our cat got
stuck in my brother's camp trunk, and we

did not need to open it to know there
was all kinds of dead cat in there.

Home fun stories, knowledge of physics,
and a bosom that defies it. You're the

whole package, aren't you?

Sorry, I'm late. I got great news.

NASA picked my team's design for the
Deep Field Space Telescope that's going

the International Space Station this
spring.

Wonderful. Congratulations.

It gets better. Someone has to go up
with the telescope as a payload

and guess who that someone is?

Muhammad Lee.

Who's Muhammad Lee?

Muhammad is the most common first name
in the world. Lee, the most common

surname. As I didn't know the answer, I
thought that gave me a mathematical

edge.

It's me, Sheldon. It's me. I'm going up
in space.

Technically... I'm an astronaut.

That's amazing.

Hang on a second. If it doesn't have a
shuttle anymore, how are you going to

there? Oh, well, it's really cool. You
fly to Moscow. They take you out to

Kazakhstan. And then you get into a
Russian Soyuz rocket, which shoots you

a low Earth orbit. Or it just sits there
on the launch pad because the Kazaki

mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black
market.

Are those Russian rockets safe?

Well, they're as safe as they can be
when it was built by the good folks who

brought you Chernobyl.

I'd like to propose a toast.

The dream to go up in its faith is one
we all share, and Howard's making that a

reality. We're all very proud of you.

Cheers. That was a lovely toast. Kudos.
Thank you.

Simultaneously, a festival of cloying
cliches. You sicken me.

You're really quiet.

Is everything okay?

Fine.

Just a little tired?

I hope not too tired, because I'm
feeling particularly masculine right

All systems go if you catch my drift.

I always catch your drift.

All right, well, something's obviously
bugging you. What is it?

I just can't believe you signed up for
the space program without even talking

me. Oh, I get it. We...

You're worried about me.

That is so sweet. You know, there's a
saying we have at NASA.

What makes the right stuff so right is
that it always comes home.

Stop talking, Howard.

This isn't the reaction I expected when
I told you I was going to be an

astronaut. What did you think was going
to happen?

Honestly? Sex?

Howard. Do you realize what a big deal
this is? What an honor it is to be

to go into space?

Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included
me in the decision.

We're supposed to be partners.

We're supposed to be a team.

I'm sorry. You're right.

Let's try this again.

Bernadette, an opportunity has come up
that...

impact both of us, and I'd like to
discuss it.

Okay.

I've been offered a chance to go up to
the International Space Station for

weeks.

What are your thoughts on that?

Well, first of all, thank you for
including me in the decision -making

Hey, we're a team.

So what do you think?

No.

No? No.

Why not?

My father was a police officer.

We never knew from one night to the next
if he was going to come home alive.

He was horrible, and I don't want to
live that way with you.

Hey, my father abandoned me and my
mother when I was 11.

I never saw him again.

Oh, boo -hoo, you're not going to...

Don't talk to me as if nothing's
happened between us. And yes, it sure

buddy.

For God's sake, will you stop with the
Schrodinger stuff?

Would you prefer a simpler application
of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle,

which I could either know where you are
or whether I like you, but not both?

You never stop talking, do you?

I don't understand. What difference does
it make if Leonard goes to Wil

Wheaton's party?

Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.

Mortal enemy?

Mm -hmm.

Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left
-handed monkey wrench, but... You really

have a mortal enemy?

In fact, I have 61 of them.

Would you like to see the list?

Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no.

You just got off the list. Would you
like back on it?

So just take a moment. It's on a five
and a quarter inch floppy.

A floppy disk?

I started the list when I was nine.

How did Wil Wheaton get on the list?

As a child, I loved Wesley Crusher, Wil
Wheaton's character on Star Trek. So

I drove for hours by bus to a Star Trek
convention at which Wil Wheaton was

scheduled to appear so that I could get
my Wesley Crusher action figure signed.

But he never showed because apparently
it was cooler for him to be the lower

left corner on Hollywood squares.

The floppy failed.

Well, whoever was in charge of quality
control at the verbatim corporation in

1989, congratulations, you just made the
list.

Howard? Change your mind about sex?

I'm still mad, but I'll do it.

No, I've just been thinking.

It doesn't matter if I'm afraid for your
safety.

I don't want to be the person who stands
between you and your dreams.

Really?

Really. If going into space means that
much to you, I will never say another

word about it.

Thank you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

So, sex now?

Okay. I just forgot to brush my teeth.
I'll be right back.

You actually asked Bernadette to leave
your house in the middle of the night?

What choice did I have? She went behind
my back and turned my own mother against

me. Wow.

You're not only our first astronaut,
you're also the first one of us to kick

girl out of bed.

You're like a rock star.

A little bit.

I hate to say it, but she did kind of
betray you.

Interesting that you see betrayal in
others, but not yourself.

Going to Wheaton's party is not
betraying you. Oh, of course you would

believe that. Evil always thinks it's
doing right.

Excuse me, Stormtrooper, these are the
droids you're looking for.

I'm going to a party. I'm not turning R2
-D2 and C -3PO over to the Empire.

Not yet.

So what's going to happen next? Are you
and Bernadette going to break up?

I don't know. If we're going to get back
together, she's going to have to

apologize and accept that I'm a grown
man who can make his own decisions.

Then she's going to have to convince
your mother to let you go into space.

Obviously.

I had no choice.

I had to tell his mother.

He can't go to space.

Sheldon threw his back out, handing him
that book.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I don't want to break up over this.

Okay, why don't you just tell him you
made a mistake?

Do you guys think it was a mistake?

Am I the bad guy in this?

It's not for us to judge. We're just
here to provide comfort and support

you come to grips with what a despicable
thing you've done.

ask you a big picture question.

What?

Are you 100 % positive you love and want
to marry Howard Wolowitz?

I do. With all my heart.

Got it. Just had to check.

He's great.

All right, Sheldon, we're going to
Wills. This is your last chance.

No, Leonard, this is your last chance.

One day, a historian is going to come to
you and say, is it true you were

friends with Dr.

Sheldon Cooper?

And you're going to have to choke back a
hot sob of regret and humiliation as

you mumble, I was, but I chose to go to
a party thrown by the one kid from Stand

By Me that no one remembers.

You want to try? Sure.

Oh, good. You picked me. You picked me.

No. I just got a text from Stuart.

Brent Spiner's at the party.

Brent Spiner?

Yes.

I don't care.

Really? Brent Spiner? Mr.

Data himself? You love him!

I did, but I think I've kind of outgrown
Star Trek.

Stock characters, ludicrous plots, beam
me up. What a load of hooey.

I'm going.

Live long and prosper, Sheldon. Yeah,
even that. You look like a dork.

Howard!

Bernadette's here!

Tell her I'm not home!

What kind of a smug play is that? She
can hear you shouting!

Can we talk?

You can. I have nothing to say.

Right.

I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry I
said something to your mother.

I was going to tell her eventually, but
you went behind my back.

No, I'm sorry.

I got scared.

If you're going to love me, you're going
to have to love the whole package.

The tender -hearted poet and the crazy
daredevil.

I know.

Don't say it if you're not going to mean
it, because I'm not just going to stop

with the space station.

I want to go to the moon. I want to go
to Mars.

I want to take a one -man sub to the
lowest depths of the ocean.

Really? You got seasick on Pirates of
the Caribbean.

Those big kids were rocking it.

I just did what I did because I love you
so much. And the thought of losing you

is more than I can handle.

Really?

You're my soulmate.

This is where you kiss me.

Right, right.

beautiful actress who plays the ball
queen in first contact well i just met

gynecologist what are you doing here
fighting

for our friendship as peculiar and
annoying as you can be you're still my

buddy i'm not going to let that end here
tonight now put down that drink let's

meet brent spiner and go home hey
sheldon i'm so glad you made it i found

something i think you might like

What I'd like is for him to have a more
depressing home. This is quite lovely.

This is for you.

An original mint in package Wesley
Crusher action figure.

I remembered your story about the time
you went to a convention when you were a

kid to get one signed and I didn't show
up.

Look at what I wrote.

To Sheldon, sorry this took so long.

Your friend, Will Wheaton.

It's my last one.

I want you to have it.

Look, everyone.

I haven't seen one of these in years.

Remember how we used to make these
things look like they were masturbating?

Brent Spiner, what have you done?

That was an original minted and packaged
Wesley Crusher action figure. Signed by

my close personal friend, Will Wheaton.

Sorry, Slim.

I've got some Mr. Data dolls in the
trunk of my car. You want me to sign one

you? You've already signed something,
Brent Spiner.

Your name on my list.

Anton, you are my mortal enemy.

Don't worry, it doesn't take up a whole
lot of your time.

Come on, buddy.

Let's not waste another second on this
loser.

We'll love your health.

Can we get autographed dolls?

Sure.

20 bucks.

10.

18. 12.

16. 2 for 30.

And you come to my birthday party.