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1
00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:02,380
What's the last dumpling?
2
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:03,299
Oh, me.
3
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,680
Here's a penny. A moment.
4
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,120
We just had Thai food.
5
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:12,800
In that culture, the last morsel is
called the Grangai piece, and it is
6
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,440
for the most important and valued member
of the group.
7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:24,260
Thank you all for this high honor.
8
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,360
I've seen pictures of your mother. Keep
eating.
9
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,680
All right, honey, if we're going to make
the movie, we should go.
10
00:00:40,060 --> 00:00:46,980
This may be hard for you to hear, but
when I say honey, I mean my fiancée.
11
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,720
Yeah, well, now it means her.
12
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,360
Okay, if he wants to come.
13
00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:58,020
Fine, but next time we get a sitter.
14
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:02,350
I mean, I gotta go to work. I'll lock
down with you. Wait.
15
00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:07,290
Which is closer to the new train store
in Monrovia, the movie theater, or the
16
00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:08,290
Cheesecake Factory?
17
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:09,970
Neither of them are close.
18
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,410
Oh, well, then I guess it doesn't matter
which one of you drives me.
19
00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:17,730
Let's play a fun guessing game to see
who gets to take me. All right. This
20
00:01:17,730 --> 00:01:23,330
-letter word describes either a
printer's type size or a compulsion to
21
00:01:24,290 --> 00:01:27,290
Okay, I'm not driving him. Penny, don't
give up. You can get this.
22
00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:33,120
Are you going with Sheldon?
23
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,200
No. I have no interest in model train
stores that sell them, nor their
24
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,400
heartbreaking clientele.
25
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:46,820
Oh. Well, I have some work to do, so...
I can't imagine that would disturb me.
26
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,840
Carry on.
27
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:50,640
Okay.
28
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,260
Wouldn't you be more comfortable at
home?
29
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,440
Not really, no.
30
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,640
All righty, then.
31
00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:05,440
I guess I'll just get started. Leonard,
please, I don't need the running
32
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,440
commentary.
33
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:13,980
Our whole universe was in a hot dance
state that nearly 14 million years ago,
34
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:18,180
expansion started way around. The earth
began to cool, the autotrophs began to
35
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:21,720
drool, Neanderthals developed tools, we
built a wall, we built the pyramids,
36
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:26,660
math, science, mystery, unraveling the
mystery that all started with a big
37
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:03,800
thinking about what I read.
38
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,260
You all right, Leonard? You seem very
uncomfortable.
39
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:21,940
I'm fine.
40
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,200
Should I go?
41
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,680
I've been told sometimes I overstay my
welcome.
42
00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:29,840
Well, who told you that?
43
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:32,740
Well,
44
00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:34,320
most recently my gynecologist.
45
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:41,900
So you stay as long as you'd like.
46
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,500
I'm glad to hear you say that because
I'm having a wonderful time.
47
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,600
I said the same thing to my
gynecologist.
48
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,020
What are you going to get at the train
store, Sheldon?
49
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,080
Oh, I'm not buying anything.
50
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:07,700
They're having a lecture, HO gauge
railroading, half the size of O gauge,
51
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:08,700
twice the fun.
52
00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:11,220
Very controversial topic.
53
00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:14,480
Which side do you come down on?
54
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,279
I'll let you know after tonight.
55
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:19,079
Unlike some people, I'm going in with an
open mind.
56
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,120
Who am I kidding? Of course we all know
it's O gauge or no gauge.
57
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:28,040
Can you believe grown men sit around and
play with toy trains?
58
00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:32,430
That's pretty big talk for a man with a
closet full of magic tricks at his
59
00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:33,430
mother's house.
60
00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:37,830
First of all, they're not tricks.
They're illusions.
61
00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:44,110
Secondly, when we get married, they're
all going up in the attic so you can
62
00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:45,170
that closet for clothes.
63
00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:48,490
Why would I keep clothes at your
mother's house?
64
00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:51,950
Don't think of it that way. Once we move
in, it'll be our house.
65
00:04:52,670 --> 00:04:53,670
Is she moving out?
66
00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:55,550
Why would she move out? It's her house.
67
00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:04,150
think I'm going to live with your
mother? Howard, I think I can help here.
68
00:05:04,190 --> 00:05:06,010
Bernadette, that's exactly what he
thinks.
69
00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:11,990
It's a great house. Plenty of room, and
if we have kids, Mom's there to help.
70
00:05:12,150 --> 00:05:15,630
You know, when she tells the three
little pigs story, she actually has hair
71
00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:16,630
her chinny -chin -chin.
72
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:22,170
I'm not going to live with your mother.
Not now, not ever.
73
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,970
Wow, someone obviously has some mommy
issues.
74
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,680
Don't listen to her. Go to the movie
theater.
75
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:35,200
Take me home now. Movie theater.
76
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:36,840
Okay,
77
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,460
everybody calm down.
78
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:43,040
There's a simple solution here. Raj,
take me to the train store, and then I
79
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,040
don't care what you people do.
80
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:52,680
How was your shower?
81
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,020
Good, good.
82
00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:59,740
Out of curiosity, what time do you
usually go to bed?
83
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,920
I'm up all night. I'm like a possum.
84
00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:06,720
Boy, you were not liked in high school,
were you?
85
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:10,220
Not really. Is that my yearbook?
86
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,179
Mm -hmm.
87
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:14,800
Dear Leonard, you're really good at
science. Maybe one day you'll come up
88
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,920
cure for being a dork.
89
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:21,000
Well, it wasn't spray painting a
lightning bolt on my briefcase, I can
90
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,000
that.
91
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,880
If it makes you feel any better, the
only person who signed my yearbook was
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00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:26,880
mother. Aw.
93
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:28,580
Dear Amy.
94
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,220
Self -respect and a hymen are better
than friends and fun. Love, Mom.
95
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:38,820
Well, you can add Jerry's Junction to
the list of train stores Sheldon Cooper
96
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:40,160
will never set foot in again.
97
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:42,840
Rough night, Casey Jones?
98
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:48,560
You don't know the half of it. Look, it
was billed as a lively give -and -take
99
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,820
on the merits of model train sizes, but
it was actually a setup to intimidate
100
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:57,220
weak -minded spineless rubes into buying
HO starter sets. What's in the bag?
101
00:06:57,820 --> 00:06:58,820
I don't want to talk about it.
102
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:02,980
But it's not a spine, I'll tell you
that.
103
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,580
Well, I had a delightful evening,
Leonard. We should do this again
104
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:08,920
Ah, sure. That'd be nice.
105
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:13,600
Glad to hear it. I need someone to
accompany me to the wedding of Dr.
106
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,720
and Dr. Gustafson this Friday.
107
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,440
They're kind of the Brad and Angelina of
the primatology department.
108
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,960
Wouldn't you rather bring Sheldon?
109
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,960
I would, but the last wedding we went to
was a disaster.
110
00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:25,420
He behaved like a child the entire time.
111
00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:29,190
Not my fault. You said there'd be other
scientists. They're my age.
112
00:07:34,150 --> 00:07:35,790
Doesn't matter. You're out. He's in.
113
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:39,370
No date to the prom. Two dates to a
wedding. How times change.
114
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,450
You have to go to a wedding.
115
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:13,540
with your mom's stuff on me. Yeah, well,
I'm sorry I didn't run it by you first.
116
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,800
I don't know who you're talking to, but
in or out, we don't need bugs!
117
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:23,540
The bugs only come here because you're
the queen!
118
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:28,860
Listen, how about this?
119
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,240
Before we make any kind of decision
about where we live, we have a trial
120
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,419
You know, stay here for a weekend, see
what it's like.
121
00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:37,600
Your mom would be okay with that?
122
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:41,320
Sure she would. Mom, you might have
Bernadette stay here this weekend.
123
00:08:41,539 --> 00:08:45,620
Hey, if she's willing to give the milk
away for free, who am I to say no?
124
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,240
See, she's good with it.
125
00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:14,630
concentrated the fun.
126
00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:20,570
You're a brain scientist.
127
00:09:20,850 --> 00:09:24,090
Can you explain to me why a brilliant
man likes playing with toy trains?
128
00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:26,250
Not without cutting his head open now.
129
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,530
How about making my eyes like Cleopatra?
130
00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:32,310
Really? For a wedding?
131
00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:36,690
Perhaps you're right. My cheekbones and
beckoning pelvis already have a certain
132
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:37,970
hello sailor quality today.
133
00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:46,919
James Bond.
134
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,720
He's better than James Bond.
135
00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:50,420
Because he's tinier.
136
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:54,640
I got you this to give to me.
137
00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,540
Oh, sweetie, guests don't normally wear
corsages to a wedding. That's more of a
138
00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:01,379
prom thing.
139
00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:05,080
I never went to my prom. My mom paid my
cousin to take me, but he just used the
140
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,080
money to buy drugs.
141
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,680
Put the corsage on her.
142
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:14,220
Amy, this is for you.
143
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:18,540
When you're done copping a field that
goes on my wrist.
144
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:23,240
All aboard!
145
00:10:26,740 --> 00:10:27,740
It's official.
146
00:10:28,020 --> 00:10:29,240
I'm an H .O.
147
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:30,620
Trainiac.
148
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,120
So, dinner went nice.
149
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,220
Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
150
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:41,740
Does your mother always cut your meat
for you?
151
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:45,880
Only when it's fatty.
152
00:10:48,170 --> 00:10:49,370
Don't be jealous, babe.
153
00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:51,370
Someday you'll get to cut it for me.
154
00:10:52,890 --> 00:10:57,410
Found it, Dad. I found the extra head
for the water pick if you want to use
155
00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,850
I'm okay, Mrs. Wallowitz.
156
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:00,769
You sure?
157
00:11:00,770 --> 00:11:03,530
I just squirted half a brisket out of my
teeth.
158
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:07,050
Hey, Ma, how about a little privacy?
159
00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:09,710
Oh, I know what that means.
160
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,110
Hubba hubba.
161
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,970
Oh, God. Relax.
162
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:15,270
It'll be fine.
163
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,200
Would you like to dance?
164
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,600
No, thank you. I'm really not much of a
dancer.
165
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:48,800
Not exactly winning any trophies as a
conversationalist, either.
166
00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,180
Sorry.
167
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,000
The bride and groom seem happy.
168
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:57,540
Why shouldn't they be?
169
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:01,220
They have a feverish night of socially
approved copulation ahead of them.
170
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,780
In some cultures, we'd stand outside of
their bedroom cheering as they achieved
171
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:07,780
orgasm.
172
00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:11,760
That sounds like a late night, and I
have work in the morning.
173
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:17,140
Leonard, you may not have noticed, but I
am being a delight here.
174
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,720
And you're not holding up your end of
the evening.
175
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,500
I'm sorry.
176
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,920
Sweating just reminds me of my kind of
sort of girlfriend 9 ,000 miles away.
177
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,540
I have a kind of sort of boyfriend who's
playing with a model train right now.
178
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,640
You don't hear me bitching about it.
179
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:37,900
Leonard, a word of advice.
180
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,140
Moody self -obsession is only attractive
in men who can play guitar and are
181
00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:42,260
considerably taller than you.
182
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,820
I'm not moody. I'm fun.
183
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,980
Do you have any evidence to support that
statement?
184
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,760
Well, hey, I'm just as much fun as you
are.
185
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,900
Really? Are you willing to draw a
mustache on your finger as a
186
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:56,900
icebreaker?
187
00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:58,540
I am.
188
00:13:02,940 --> 00:13:04,660
Okay, fine. What do you suggest?
189
00:13:06,990 --> 00:13:08,310
We just had a lovely meal.
190
00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:11,030
The band is on fire.
191
00:13:12,430 --> 00:13:15,190
And you're sitting next to a beautiful
woman wearing whorish makeup.
192
00:13:17,510 --> 00:13:20,830
Why don't we head out on the dance floor
and see if I can sweat through these
193
00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:21,830
dress shields?
194
00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:25,270
Once again, I'm really not much of a
dancer.
195
00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:26,710
Don't worry.
196
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:28,250
I'll lead.
197
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,900
but your mother's been in the bathroom
for like an hour.
198
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,880
Oh, yeah, she sometimes has problems
doing her business. Hang on.
199
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,440
Ma, give up!
200
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,160
Tonight's not your night!
201
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:22,300
You don't know that! I just sat down!
202
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:24,360
Ma, take a break!
203
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,120
Bernadette needs to brush her teeth!
204
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:29,100
She can come in and brush her teeth! I'm
not embarrassed!
205
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,120
Problem solved.
206
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:42,980
Honey, she's just sitting in there
reading a magazine. You can't see
207
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:43,980
go in all the time.
208
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,160
Ha! The eagle has landed!
209
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,060
And we have splashdown.
210
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,120
Wait here. I'm going to go light a
candle.
211
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:02,740
And then we make passionate love.
212
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,480
can't figure out what happened. I put my
left leg in, I took my left leg out, I
213
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,020
put my left leg in, and something just
snapped.
214
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,060
Hokey pokey is a young man's game.
215
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:29,000
I did have a great time. Thank you for
reminding me it's okay to have fun once
216
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,000
in a while.
217
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:30,959
You're welcome.
218
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,360
And also for breaking the head off the
ice wand so I could hold it against my
219
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,360
pulled groin.
220
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,920
I excel at spatial reasoning, and I had
a hunch that the graceful slope of its
221
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,320
neck would cradle your genitals nicely.
222
00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:46,080
Okay, again, thank you.
223
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:48,740
And again, you're welcome.
224
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,660
Want to come in, have a cup of tea?
225
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,340
No, thanks. I'm going to head home.
226
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:55,640
Okay, well, good night.
227
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:57,720
Good night.
228
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:06,500
James, hi.
229
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,540
How was the wedding?
230
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,860
Great. Until I accidentally made Leonard
fall in love with me.
231
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:20,180
Do you want a glass of wine?
232
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,820
Wine is one of the reasons I'm in this
fix. That and this dang pelvis.
233
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:28,840
Okay, I'm sorry. What exactly happened?
234
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,020
The inevitable. He was lonely and
vulnerable from missing his girlfriend
235
00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:36,520
was charming, supportive, and let's face
it, in this dress, the perfect
236
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,040
combination of Madonna and whore.
237
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:42,240
Oh, God. Did he make a move on you?
238
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,060
No, but it's only a matter of time.
239
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,360
How could I have not seen this coming?
240
00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:49,010
Now I'm going to have to break the
little sad sack's heart.
241
00:16:51,730 --> 00:16:53,010
Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
242
00:16:53,450 --> 00:16:56,550
Oh, Penny, much as I would treasure
knowing that the two of us had been
243
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,530
by the same man, Leonard just doesn't
get my motor running.
244
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:08,050
So, um, what are you going to do? Do you
want me to talk to Leonard? Let him
245
00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:08,809
down easy?
246
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,050
No, I'll let him have tonight.
247
00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:14,690
Then in the morning, I'll send him an
email letting him know this body is
248
00:17:14,690 --> 00:17:15,690
going to be his wonderland.
249
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,300
I mean, frankly, you've got a better
shot than he does.
250
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:37,880
Leonard, check it out. I bought an N
-Gage locomotive, half the size of H .O.
251
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,380
Look, it fits in my mouth.
252
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:43,820
Sounds like you had a great night.
253
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:45,240
I did.
254
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:48,269
How was yours?
255
00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:50,710
Not bad. I had a lot more fun with Amy
than I thought I would.
256
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,930
What exactly do you mean by that?
257
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:56,830
Turns out she really knows how to help a
guy loosen up and have a good time.
258
00:17:57,270 --> 00:17:59,890
Although, truth be told, my groin's a
little worse for wear.
259
00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:03,210
Ow!
260
00:18:07,190 --> 00:18:09,110
Why'd you do that? To send a message.
261
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:10,650
She is not for you.
262
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:14,050
What? Not for you.
263
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,600
Yes, it is, and you're so pretty in the
morning.
264
00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:42,660
Your mom and I made you breakfast.
265
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:44,180
Oh, wow.
266
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:46,480
So you guys are getting along?
267
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,040
Yeah, I guess.
268
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,840
We're very different people, Howard, so
communication's a little tricky.
269
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:23,220
Get your butter.
20493
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