Original subtitles

Mm! This Baked Alaska is great, Amy.

What's your secret?

I'm bisexual.

Oh, you mean the dessert!

The trick is to start by buying real Alaska, then...

Mama? Is it time to show off yet?

It sure is, schmeety-pie.

Show Fry and Leela your painting

so they can compliment it.

Lookit!

It's Mama and Dumdum.

Oh, it's exquisite.

Right?

What? Oh.

- What? - You really captured

your mommy's unusually shaped hair,

and your daddy's pukey color.

Shapes and colors are the parts I always have trouble with.

You know, I always wanted to be an artist, and I...

That's so interesting.

Let's talk about something else.

I'm bored.

I'm more bored.

Oh yeah?

I'm so bored, I wanna punch myself in the face.

I'll do it for ya.

- Go ahead. - Make me.

Eh, I'm too bored.

Don't you have like a built-in TV or something?

No.

But have you ever heard of... AM radio?

And Sweden wins!

This has been Don Cunningham with the nightly war roundup.

Bo-ring.

Fifteen, four, 290, 5,036...

What are those, numbers?

- Two... - "Two"?

I'm almost positive that's a number!

Help, help, help, help, help,

help, help, help, help, help.

The radio's saying numbers at me!

One thousand three hundred sixty-two.

Thirty-four thousand nine hundred and sixty-nine...

Aw, that's just a numbers station, Bender.

Some people think it's spies communicating in code.

It's actually a real thing. Look it up.

Turn it off, turn it off!

I'm not touching your antenna.

Two hundred ninety.

Well, thanks for a lovely evening.

Man, that hypersonic elevator's really fast.

Ow.

Bender, at the risk of getting personal,

are you scared of numbers?

Not all numbers.

I-I love zero and one.

But two? And those other guys?

Where does it all end?

Hey look!

A 24-hour art supply store.

Leela, have I ever told you how I always wanted to be an artist?

Yes, it's one of the most recent things you said.

Well, I'm not gonna let that stop me.

Guys! Dolls!

Remember the pain I predicted Professor would live in

the last 10 years of his life?

Well, they've discovered a miracle drug that'll make it 20!

I'm so tired of this physical existence.

The constant agony.

These scratchy physical pajamas.

If only I could live in a world of pure thought and beauty.

Sure, that'd be great.

We now go live

to tonight's lottery drawing.

Fifteen,

four,

290...

...two,

1,362...

...and 34,969.

That is not a regulation ball!

Hey, aren't those the same numbers

that came over Bender's antenna?

You mean Bender's antenna is magic?

Eh, that's what the fembots say.

Magic is one plausible but stupid explanation.

Is it possible someone is encoding

some kind of message in lottery numbers?

Hey Leela! Come see my paintings.

Oh... hmm.

That art store had a futuristic technology

that really unlocked my creative powers.

It's called "paint-by-numbers."

Oh, Lord.

They're exquisite!

You really stayed in the lines.

Aren't these exquisite, Amy?

Oh, yeah, exquisite, yeah.

What are you people talking about?

Fry's paintings are crap.

Ow!

I mean, the foot pain makes me see how beautiful I'm saying they are.

Fry, you foolcompoop!

What are you doing to those beautiful numbers?

Painting over them to depict imperfect physical objects?

Schmeureka!

Those weird lottery numbers encoded paint-by-number plans

for some sort of device.

And once it's colored in, we can build it!

Build it?

That's your answer for everything.

Every time we find a mysterious diagram,

you want to build it.

Well, I'm tired of building things.

The beauty is in the abstract idea.

Everything else is flamboyant excess.

Well, if you won't build it, I will.

I just said I wouldn't build it!

I'm going to go contemplate the abstract concept of beauty.

If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom.

Exquisite!

Blue.

What a strange gizmo.

I wonder if it's some kind of advanced spaceship!

Well, I'm not quite done.

It might turn out to be a kitten.

That's no kitten.

Rats. I'm gonna go paint a kitten.

Be honest with me, Zoidberg.

Is this really good?

Yes.

Sometimes I worry that my rote copies of other artists' work lack originality.

Don't say that, Fry.

Great artists don't let badness

stand in the way of greatness.

And Zoidberg will prove...

Why did you mutter that last part?

Because I wasn't that sure.

Hello, hello. Don't touch.

Excuse me, killer robot coming through.

Aw, come on!

Ah, there you are, actress, mathematician,

author Danica McKellar.

Could you sign this book?

Sure.

Wait, I didn't write this.

It's my autobiography.

You're Bender?

The Bender?

I'm a huge fan.

Um, no,

that's actually a different Bender.

You're not the extreme boogie boarder?

How do people tell you apart?

Different serial numbers.

That's kinda why I came.

See, I'm scared of numbers.

I thought maybe you could help me,

'cause you write all these books

about having confidence with math.

Uh, yeah. Uh...

Do you know the other Bender?

Like, could you introduce me, or...

Hey, could we talk about me for a minute?!

I don't know.

Could you buy a copy of my book?

Math shouldn't be scary, Bender.

You just have an irrational fear of numbers.

And a fear of irrational numbers!

Don't be afraid.

If you're even half as great as your book jacket says you are...

I'm not! Nobody is!

Well, hopefully this will help.

But if it doesn't, no refunds. Next!

This is garbage.

I give up.

A letter came for you, Fry.

Your work's been accepted in a citywide art contest!

Why are you reading my mail, Hermes?

Also, I don't remember entering any art contest.

I entered you! Zoidberg.

I got the idea when I was bandaging my foot.

And my work was accepted?

Thank you, Zoidberg.

You've given me the courage to try the parakeet.

Ladies and gentlemen,

and Zoidberg,

after great effort and expense...

Expense?!

I've completed the mystery machine!

I'm blind!

What does it do?

Can it kill at least one human?

Maybe.

The only way to find out is to turn it on.

Zero and one?

No problem.

It looks like some sort of space hole.

I'll be the judge of that.

Exquisite!

So what's in there?

These numbers!

Almost all of 'em greater than one!

Finished installin' the new plate glass wind-er.

Thank you!

We'll sweep him off the sidewalk later.

I wanna see these numbers!

- Oh! - Wow!

It's my dear friends, the integers.

Come, everyone, through the Numberland Gap.

It's just what I've always dreamt of.

A realm of pure theoretical beauty.

Hello!

I don't believe I've seen you around here.

No, we're from the physical world.

The physical world?

I thought that was just an abstract concept.

Nice to meet you.

Fifty-five, is it?

Oh, ya doesn't have to call me 55.

My decimal representation is five 10s plus five ones.

But you can call me five times 11.

Or you can call me 9 plus 10 plus 11 plus 12 plus 13.

Or you can call me six-squared plus three-squared

plus three-squared plus one-squared.

But ya doesn't have to call me 55!

I'm gonna call you 55.

So, could you give us a tour?

Of what?

There's nothing but numbers.

Maybe you could introduce us to some of the more interesting numbers.

Every number is interesting!

Otherwise, there'd be a smallest uninteresting number,

and that would make it interesting.

I didn't quite follow that but, yes,

every number is equally interesting.

Or equally uninteresting.

I don't like you.

Nobody does.

Who's that goomer?

That's little 3/7ths,

the fractional child of three and seven.

What about 7/3rds?

Is that also their child?

Their illegitimate child.

Um, Professor? I'm sorry to bring the mood up,

but can we get going soon?

It's time for the art show.

Time? What is time?

We numbers are eternal and immutable.

You mean you never age?

You never grow old and senile and forgetful

and senile and forgetful and senile and...

If we don't leave soon, we'll miss the awards.

It's almost four.

What's almost four?

Three?

Ya know, one through 12 are my friends.

I don't appreciate these racist caricatures.

We need to go!

Yes, you all go.

But I, I choose to stay.

I belong here,

in this realm of beauty bare,

free from the intolerable agony of physical existence.

- No, Professor! - No, you can't!

You're my only living relative.

I wanted you to come to the art contest in case I win a prize.

Oh, don't be sad.

You won't.

It won't be the same without him.

I mean, I can't think of any actual difference.

Just felt like somebody should say that.

You escaped?!

That's mathematically impossible!

It was fine, Bender.

We met a nice 50-something guy.

Wait, someone's missing.

Is it you, Amy?!

Is it?

Oh, no. The Professor decided to stay behind.

And you let him?!

Ah, you fools!

You two-loving fools!

And there's 52-factorial.

Yes, we played cards with him earlier.

I suspect he was cheating.

Well, every number is here in Numberland.

You'll meet them all eventually.

Really? Every number?

Yes.

The whole numbers, the fractions.

What else is there?

Oh, all kinds of junk.

E, pi, i.

Don't talk like that!

We don't believe in the imaginary one.

Except for some of the more... rural numbers.

- Uh-huh. Right on. - Amen.

Say, you're a number, right?

I've been wondering,

in my world, we don't know whether all even numbers

are the sum of two prime numbers.

Do you?

Of course, they are.

Yes!

But how do you prove it?

Why should I prove it?

What would that prove?

Well, if math has a point, and I'm not sure it does,

isn't it to gain understanding?

"Understanding"?

I don't understand.

You know there are lots of true things that can't be proven.

Yes, but I know because Gödel proved it.

If you numbers don't care about proofs, what do you do all day?

Sit around representing quantities of things?

I don't even know what things are.

You know... things!

Things are the things we use math to describe,

how planets move, the different lengths of wire,

how many stars to give a Keanu Reeves movie.

Yo.

You use numbers?

What are we, your servants?!

Well, I suppose you are.

Servants?!

How dare you.

All numbers are equal!

10,538!

Yeah, what is it now?

Divide him by zero!

No! That's not allowed!

Well, let's try it and see what happens.

Help! 9-1-1!

Sorry, wrong number.

No, stop!

I'm too young to be zeroed.

If you're young, then I'm divisible by seven.

Get in there!

A person!

Oh, thank Gott.

You must have my helps message with the portal plan received.

You got that right.

Who are you?

My name is Georg Cantor.

Georg Cantor?!

The discoverer of the hierarchy of infinities?

Ja, ja. I discovered a lot of stuff.

We received your number broadcast,

but how were you able to build a transmitter

in a land of pure abstraction?

I had fortunately with me pencils und paper.

I needed only to prove a transmitter could exist.

And then build it out of pencils and paper.

But enough about me, Georg Cantor.

We must get far from this zero.

Did you bring with you an arbitrarily large positive number?

Sorry, no, I packed light.

Ach, ja. Clearer I should have been in meiner message.

I know not which of us is the stupider professor.

You.

But we can research that later.

We must for help radio.

I'll do it.

But you know not the right numbers!

I know zero and one.

That's all you really need.

I ain't afraid of no numbers.

I ain't afraid of nothin'.

Wait a minute.

That's Morse code.

I learned that at camp.

P... R... O...

Prostitute?

Wait, F?

Proftitute?

E... S... S... Oh, of course!

Professtitute!

No, wait. O... R...

Professor!

He must need something. But what?

H... E... L...

He needs helium.

No, help!

He needs help in Numberland!

Oh, but I'm alone and I'm the world's biggest coward.

I need moral support.

What was it Danica McKellar said?

You're the world's biggest coward, Bender.

In your case only,

I'd advise you to stay the heck away from math.

Thanks, Danica.

I'll never face my fears again.

So long, courage!

Numbers! Meaningless numbers!

Hey!

These are really good.

I mean, I'd hang that in my second-best mansion.

And there's mine on the very same wall.

You think it might win a prize?

Maybe.

But, just being included is the best prize of all.

Wow, better than the one for winning?

Attention, please.

I'm Art Judge,

the art judge. And these...

are the judges with regular names.

I'm proud to present the prizes in this year's

Friends with Benefits of the Zoo Charity Art Contest.

Third place goes to...

... "Icarus Redeemed" by Polly Madison.

Boo!

Second place...

... "Yellow Flower," by a truly good, good boy,

Philip J. Fry.

Congratulations.

And where is your pet?

Oh, I'm not allowed to have pets.

They always die.

I'm on the Humane Society's "No Adopt" list.

I mean the animal who painted this.

Animal? I painted it.

But this contest is for paintings by animals.

It is?

Bad Fry, bad!

Aw, you must feel awful.

Second place.

I won second place!

Yeah, in a contest for animals.

And I beat all of them.

Well, except Vincent Van Goat.

- Ah! - Humans!

Bender has arrived to save us.

Bender, Cantor.

Cantor, Bender.

Ein metall mensch?

This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!

Yeah, wait till you see my ass!

The prisoners stand accused

of hypothesis with intent to prove

and contributing to the delinquency of a fraction.

Cantor made me do it!

Are all the numbers here?

Then let the trial begin.

You're full of number two, Number 1!

Lots of numbers are not here.

Ya, you are the whole numbers and the fractions merely.

Heresy!

There are infinitely many of us.

So we must all be here.

Falsch!

Order! Order!

Look, you, I can prove it.

I doubt that.

But if you can, we shall free you.

- Really? - Maybe.

Good enough.

To begin, I write down all of your children fractions like so.

One-half, then 1/3rd und 2/3rds, then 1/4th, 2/4ths und 3/4ths und sofort.

Und next to each, its decimal expansion.

But after we list every child,

there must be another not on the list.

What you talkin' 'bout, Cantor?

For this new child,

I change the first digit of the first child,

then change the second digit of the second child,

the third digit of the third child, und so on.

Now, look at this new number.

It's a freak!

You think so only because it's not any of your children!

It is different from the first child at the first digit,

and the second child at the second digit.

And in this way, it must be different from every child here!

Therefore, it is not in Numberland,

so you are incomplete!

Blasphemy!

Wait, let me see that again?

You know there are easier ways to prove that.

Of course, I know.

I'm Georg Cantor.

Infinities beyond infinity? Neat.

You're blowing my mind, but still,

blasphemy!

Get 'em, Googol.

Stand back, fellow math lovers,

and watch as I break up Googol, right between O's.

We're almost back to reality.

Oh, you'll love it, Cantor.

We've found so many more applications for math.

Like computer machines?

Und this annoying metall mensch?

Indeed.

Mathematics underlies everything that exists.

That's what I love about it.

Not me, Herr Professor.

What I love is the pure, abstract understanding.

For me, even this world is too real.

See ya later.

I'm glad you're back, Professor.

I mean, I don't really care,

it just felt like somebody should say that.

I don't care either.

But it does feel like I should say thank you, Hermes.

Professor, come see what Fry's working on.

Yes, yes. What are you painting now?

Another second-place, third-rate puppy?

No, it's a paint-by-number I'm unmaking just for you.

See? Nothing but numbers.

I don't know which is more beautiful,

the idea or the thing itself.

Exquisite.