All language subtitles for Christmas.Time.2023.1080P.Webrip.1400Mb.Dd5.1.X264-Galaxyrg-ENG

Dear Santa, hi.

I know I'm probably too old
to still be writing to you,

but it's tradition
and I enjoy it.

For Christmas this year, I
would really like a phone.

I've asked my parents before,

but dad says he doesn't want
me to spend my whole life

on social media.

I'm almost 14, but he
treats me like a child.

Dad hates Christmas.

He always spoils it by taking
us to some boring ski resort,

"To escape the
madness," he says.

If I'm not allowed a phone,

maybe you could help
me with something else.

I know it's not something
the elves can make,

but I would really
like a boyfriend.

Can you magic up a love potion?

All my love, Holly.

- Settle down please.

Shh!

Thank you,
now, as a reward

for your good behavior,

I'm sure you'll be
thrilled to hear

that there is no home homework
to be set this weekend.

That and the fact

that I shall be taking a
few extra days off next week

so I won't be here to mark it.

- Yes, good for you, sir.

- But that's not to say we
can't leverage the onslaught

of Christmas consumerism
and learn something.

So who here believes in Santa?

- No way.

- Sadly, it is the
nature of physics

to hear the loudest of voices

over the most
comprehensive ones.

Who can use their
knowledge of physics

to come up with a
plausible rebuttal

as to why Santa may
or may not exist?

- Duh.

- Is that your answer, Doug?

- One man cannot possibly
travel the world in one night

with stopping to deliver
millions of presents to boot.

- Scientifically speaking.

- Reindeer cannot fly.

- Yeah, but it's
more than one night

if you consider
all the time zones.

- Yes.
- Good point.

- He would have about 31 hours,

assuming he travels around
the world from east to west.

- Okay, well, let's work out

how many children he'd
need to visit, shall we?

Now, there are about 1.9 billion

in the world under
the age of 18,

but let's assume for argument's
sake that he only delivers

to those who believe.

So we'll cut that in half.

Subtract babies who have
no real understanding yet,

as well as non-Christian
faiths and cynical teens.

That leaves us with
about 300 million.

- Don't forget the naughty list.

- What, no, you're
joking, right?

- Dear
Father Christmas,
there are toys I want.

The only toy I want
is a wooden go-kart,

but what I really want is
for my dad to like Christmas

as much as me.

I'm scared he is on
the naughty list.

- Let's assume that one in
five are delinquent enough

to make the naughty list.

Santa would have
to deliver presents

to 240 million
children in 31 hours.

Now, that works out at-

- 2,150 per second.

- Excellent, Alfie.

There you have it,

we now have a
scientific argument

as to why Santa's
task is impossible.

You might wanna jot
that down, Doug.

- If that was the only equation,
it would be impossible.

But as Einstein said, time
is only relative to speed.

- And?

- Well, Sir, Santa could
be roaming the earth

at a different speed of
time to the rest of us

in a sort of parallel
time dimension.

This would mean that 31 hours
in our time could be months

or even years if time is
moving at a slower speed

in Santa time.

- Hey beanie brain, explain
how the reindeer fly?

Ever seen one do that?

- Just because you
haven't seen something,

doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

- Okay, well explain how he
gets into all of those houses.

Not everyone's got chimneys.

Does he just break in?

- I know you're not asking
with any degree of sincerity,

but it'll be too risky
to go down the chimneys.

He uses the magic key, then
goes through the front door.

- Oh my God!
- Shh!

I need
your help also.

I bet my friend that you're
real and need to prove it

by you bringing me a dragon.

Lots of kids at school have
stopped believing in you

and tease are ones that do,

so I would like muscles
to protect everyone

from the bullies
who don't believe.

- Alfie, a minute.

I'm sorry if my attempt

at a fun exercise put you
in a tough spot earlier.

- No worries Mr. Snowdon.

I enjoyed it.

Are you gonna take the extra
time to put up your tree

and make some cookies maybe?

- Actually, I'm taking my
family away from the stress

of the festive season.

We do it every year
to a ski resort.

No Black Friday sales

or lining up to sit
in Santa's lap for us.

- Oh, Snowdon, I thought
you'd be on the slopes by now.

- Oh, I had a little student
damage control to take care of.

- Is Doug still
pushing your button?

- Actually, I made the
mistake of assuming

that the whole class didn't
believe in Santa Claus.

- They're not all
jaded by 15 you know?

- I know that now.

- Especially after that key
video went viral last year.

- Key video?

- Here we go.

- You must have seen
it on social media.

- I don't really do social media

or Santa stories
for that matter.

- Oh come on, the 10
year old boy from London,

he claims Santa left
his magical key behind.

The kid then records
himself using it

to get into every
house down his street.

- Yeah, his dad's doing
time for burglary now.

- Don't listen to him.

As a parent, you
really must watch it.

I've
sent it to you.

So, bah humbug.

- All right.

- No key can open every door.

I have to agree with the coach,

that is just blatant burglary.

- Hey, give that
back, it's mine!

- I would like muscles to
protect everyone from bullies

who don't believe.

I believe you're a loser.

- You can wait for your mother
in the principal's office.

- You better hope he is real

'cause you're gonna
need those muscles.

- Seriously, Christmas
music on every station.

- Ugly and garish.

Complete waste of
money and electric.

- Oh, joy, the high street.

Man dressed as an elf.

Must be 50 years
old, get a grip.

Black Friday, what's next?

Scarlet Wednesday, mauve Monday.

We don't even have
Thanksgiving over here.

It's just more American rubbish.

Oh, I can't wait to get away.

Oh, Bob Johnson.

It's no wonder Doug's such
a nightmare, awful family.

I feel sorry for his wife,
whichever one he's on now.

What is he wearing?

He's an embarrassment.

- Free car, free
tree with any car.

Not a free car, or I'll have
you buy a tree for 24 grand,

you can have a free car.

Come on now,
Johnsons.

- Terrible man.

You know about someone
who wants a bargain, sir?

No, then free tree
with any car you buy,

only here at Johnsons.

- I hate Christmas.

I hate Christmas.

Oh, for God's sake.

- Harry and Hailey.

I know, of course they're not.

- Holly, you should be packing.

- Holly, hang up the phone.
- Mom!

Talk to you later.

- Michael got in a fight
with Brad at school.

- Oh, that boy is
just like his father.

- Give Michael more
credit than that.

- I'm serious, the
Johnson's are all the same.

Brad's been bullying
Michael for years.

His older brother,
Doug's just as bad.

You can't even get me
started on the father.

I've just seen him outside
giving away free Christmas trees

in the freezing cold.

He's the most obnoxious
man on the planet.

- Can I go to the post
office after dinner?

- I hear you had a bad day.

- It wasn't my fault.

- Well, one thing's for sure,

Brad Johnson will definitely
be on the naughty list.

- I think we should go now.

What if they close?
- Here, I'll take it.

- Don't read it.
- I won't.

- This time tomorrow,

we will be far away from here
when none of this will matter.

Dad?

- Oh, let me eat.

Last meal I'll get before
you lot abandon me.

- You were the one who
wanted to stay at home.

- With good reason.

- All right, now,
before we serve up,

let's all go around the table
and say one positive thing

that happened today.

Fine, I'll start.

I think it's pretty amazing
given our hectic schedules

that I've managed
to cook this meal.

- Whatever, I've been
reading up on how bad meat is

for the planet.

I'm gonna go vegan.

That's my positive thing.

Best decision I've made really.

- I've spent all afternoon
in the kitchen on this meal,

so you'll eat it and you
can go vegan tomorrow.

- All right then, tonight,
I breathe a sigh of relief

that our non Christmas
holiday begins soon.

What I mean is
this time tomorrow,

we'll be up in Scotland
in front of a roaring fire

after a long drive.

That reminds me, I want
us up extra early tomorrow

so we can beat the traffic.

- Dad, are you sure my letter
went to the right place?

- Yes.

- But I didn't
see you put it in.

- Santa will get it.

- See, another positive thing.

- Even if this
dinner is stone cold,

by the time I get to eat it,
I've still got teeth to chew.

How's that?

- Do we have to ski when we go?

- Michael, that's
all we're gonna do.

Just us swishing down those
glorious Scottish slopes,

not a Christmas tree in sight.

- Aren't the ski slopes
full of pine trees?

- Well, yes, they are.

- Now, about the resort,

apparently there was a mix
up and they overbooked.

- What are you saying?

- Don't worry, we got the
same rate at the other resort.

- Other resort?

- The Crazy Reindeer.

- Odd name, still in Glenshee?

- A bit further north.

- How much?

- Further north and east.

- Where exactly is that?

- Lapland, Finland.

- Isn't that like Santa's
resort or hometown or something?

- That's absolutely
unacceptable.

I'll call them.

- Don't worry darling,
stay positive.

The kids are gonna love Lapland.

The Crazy Reindeer
looks amazing.

- I just don't understand.

Yes, thank you, Holly.

I know what Lapland is.

I just don't understand
why we're going there.

- Because the boring
place is booked up.

Our flight leaves at 11:00 AM.

- We're going on a plane?

- No, that's not good.

The reason we go to
the Scottish ski resort

is so we don't have to fly.

- You don't have
to fly, pilot does.

Without airplanes, we'd
never have won the war.

- How come we've never
seen this book before?

- It was a special gift to me

when I was stationed in Turkey.

- What's it about?

- How Father Christmas
got his start.

- Lapland is such
a long way away.

We have to fly over
Denmark, Norway, and Sweden.

- I was on a secret
mission in Demre

which is the town where
St. Nicholas came from.

- I thought this was
about Father Christmas.

- His real name is St. Nick.

- Would you like me
to read it to you?

St. Nicholas was
devoted to the church

and caring for the
children in the community.

Every day, he
worked to make toys

that would accumulate
until Christmas day

when he would give them as
presents to the children

to celebrate the birth of Jesus.

It occurred to him that
there must be more children

who could use some
Christmas cheer.

So he made the adults
promise to keep up his work

while he traveled and to
never break the secret

or the children
would not behave.

But he was getting on in age

and thought there had to
be a more efficient way.

His travels took
him further north

and he finally found a local
craftsman to create a sleigh

to navigate the wintery terrain.

He saw the magical lights
as a sign to continue.

For the next several
months, with the elves,

he worked to create more toys
than anyone could imagine.

And when Christmas came,

they used the magic of the lake

to help train the
reindeer to fly.

St. Nicholas knew he'd
finally found his purpose

and realized his dream
of delivering toys

to all the children
of the world.

- I wish I had a phone
to take a picture.

- We have a perfectly
good camera, Holly.

It's packed
tight in your luggage.

- I never fly without them.

- You know there's
no logical proof

that good luck charms
actually work, don't you dad?

- Don't ruin it for the kids.

It's not their fault
that you hate Christmas,

and it wasn't easy
for me either.

- Fine.

Taxi's gonna be here any second.

Grab the cases into the taxi.

- Come on, come on, come on.

- Where are we off to?

- The homeless shelter.

- Holly, airport please.

- Well, where does
he think we're going

with all this luggage?

- We're actually
running a bit late,

so if you go up to the
corner, take a right,

take the parallel route along
the road through the town,

that should shave off about
nine and a half minutes.

- You know there's
roadworks along that route?

- Could we get going
immediately please?

We're not gonna make this.

- It's okay, don't worry.

- Don't let this old
woman cross, thank you.

- Kids, come on, car's waiting.

- Where are your jumpers?

- We're saving
them for the trip.

- It's fine, the important
thing is we're all together.

- Santa, make way
for the Johnsons.

- You've actually brought
us into roadworks.

- I did say there would
be roadworks on this road.

- We'll be fine.

We'll get there on time.

It's all okay.

- Do you want me to turn around?

No.

- This isn't funny, Michael.

Finally, Lapland.

- Go on then kids, lovely.

- Okay, we need
to move, come on.

- Oh, blimey.

- That's it, that cost
almost as much as our flight.

Right, come on,
let's get a move on.

Jane, we haven't got time.

- Lovely, cheers, mate.
- Thanks, have a great trip.

- Nice one, see you later.
- Thank you.

- Come on kids, shut that door.

I've got all those things.

- Ready?
- Ready.

- Come, on guys, focus, we
are going to miss the flight.

- Kev, are you all right.

- Kevlar?

It is you, Happy Christmas!

- What's up, Mr. Snowdon.

Please excuse us,
we're in a hurry.

- Where are you heading?

- Lapland.

- Us too!
- Us too!

- Where are you?

- The Crazy Reindeer.

- Do they call it Lapland

'cause everyone
sits on Santa's lap?

- Why the long face Kev?

- He hates to fly.

- He's terrified.

- You gotta be brave
for the kids, Kev.

Never let 'em see you sweat.

- We better get going.

- You should go first class,
never have to wait that way.

- Oh, honey, see if they
could check in with us.

- Great idea.

- No thank you, we're fine.

- Have a nice flight!

- No need to worry, Snowdon,

plane wouldn't dare go down
with the Johnsons on board.

- Will we miss our flight?

- Right now Michael,

that wouldn't be the
worst thing in the world.

- I'll be amazed if they
haven't given our seats away,

the amount of time
it took to get here.

Jane, Holly.

- Have a nice flight.
- Michael.

- Have a nice trip.
- Thanks.

- Thank you.

Have a nice flight.
- Thanks.

- Let me try.

No need to be rude.

- Precisely.

- Can you not enter it manually?

My family are waiting
for me just there.

- Step aside, please, sir.

All
passengers gonna Lapland,

your plane is ready to depart.

- Wait, she's got my ticket.

- Empty your pockets
in the tray, please.

- Look, I've already
been through security.

I fail to see what this
has to do with my ticket.

Final call to passengers

on flight FA23.

- Sir, that is my flight
they're calling now.

- You got a metal
plate in your head?

- What?

No, I told you I've
got no metal on me.

- Hands up please, I'm
just gonna frisk you down.

- Dad, hurry up.

- Yeah, well, I'm kind of
busy here right now, Michael.

- Have you got a pacemaker?

- Why'd you insist on
calling me an invalid?

Great dad, really lucky.

- Come on kids,

look at this.

Oh wow!

- All right, all
you crazy reindeers.

Listen up for a rundown
of last minute openings

in our event calendar.

- Terrific.

- Who here has ever
seen a reindeer?

- Dad, we have to go
reindeer spotting.

It would be so cool to see
an actual wild reindeer.

- No, we're only
here for three days

and there's lots
of skiing to do.

We're not interested

in overpriced excursions
and diversions.

- We do reindeer
tours and Santa tours.

- Dad, we have to
go and see Santa.

- Not for 50 euro
a head we don't.

- What he means is Santa
will visit us at Christmas.

- Dad, what is the whole
point in coming to Lapland

if we're not gonna go
and sit on Santa's lap?

- Michael, this is the
Snowdon's annual skiing trip,

and that's not even why
it's called Lapland.

They're just leveraging
their marketing

to take every penny I have.

Finally, you are here.

Now, I'd like to book the full
ski package for three days

with lift pass included.

- You do realize there's
no snow on the slopes.

- What?

But that's the whole
reason we're here.

- Global warming, the
snowfall gets thinner

and thinner every year.

- See, that's why we
shouldn't eat meat.

- We came to ski.

At least tell me there's
artificial snow on the slopes.

- Authenticity is at our core.

- Yes, I can see that.

- We don't believe
in for fake snow.

Santa works magic.

- Does he, then can you tell me

how Santa is gonna get my family
and myself up there skiing

if you don't have any snow?

- Easy peasy, we
have dry slopes.

- It looks like an old
time airplane runway.

- Oh, the principle's the same.

I understand a lot of people
train on dry ski slopes.

- We're here for
holiday, not training.

- Oh, come on, Michael,
you're gonna love it.

- Does it work like real snow?

- Well, the key is to
find the right balance

between your aerodynamic lean
and your ability to steer.

- Let him get it
out of his system

and we'll do the
fun stuff later.

Okay, well, why don't
we just give it a go

and then you can give us
some pointers afterwards.

- Fine, I'll try.

- That's the spirit, Holly.

Now remember, you are
a force in motion.

Now, this, that's it.

- Feel kind of stuck.

- Go, lean into it.

- Oh!

- Ooh!

- Oh no, Holly.

- We don't push
other skiers over.

- She was stuck.

- Oh, thank you.

- What happened?

We went over it 100 times.

- It's actually a lot more
difficult on dry slope.

Maybe we should book you
guys in for some lessons.

- Oh, thank you, but
we're not beginners.

We ski every year.

- Not by choice.

- Okay, let's see
what you've got.

- Okay, just copy me.

Do you think we could wet it
a bit or perhaps some ski wax?

Jane, did you bring the ski wax?

Okay, Snowdons, we're
here to have fun,

so let's see who can get to
the bottom first, shall we?

- This is a bunny slope.

There's no racing.

- Well, we're certainly not
gonna be hopping down are we?

- Can we go?

This is so boring.

What were those giant
inflatable ring tire things

that we saw the other
kids going down on?

- Michael, we're not
floating down a river.

We are skiing.

- Not yet.

- Guys, I get paid by the hour.

- All right then, let's do this.

First one to the
bottom gets a prize.

Okay, we need to race again

because you all
went before I did.

- I've already told
you guys no racing.

- This is the bunny slope.

- I've had enough,
you're on your own.

- What's going on?

- Our instructor just quit.

- Look, just trust me, okay.

By the time we finish here,

the Snowdons will be ready
for the Winter Olympics.

- I definitely do not
want to be an Olympian.

- I need the toilet.

- It's time to hang up the skis.

- No, I want to go again.

We're all gonna go again
and we're gonna enjoy it.

Just one more time
and then we'll leave.

This way.
- Yay.

- Come on, we're having fun.

- Mom, can I go to the shop?

- Yeah, of course, Hol.

- I didn't mean to-

- Oh, why would you do that?

- I'm an idiot.

- You'd be an idiot
if you ran away.

- Now, I think it's blatantly
obvious to all of us

that the bunny slope was
far too lame for skiers

of our caliber.

Now remember, just lean into it

and you'll soon be swishing
down there like me.

- So you brought
more ski wax then?

- Come on, frowns upside down.

It's a new day and nothing
could possibly go wrong.

- Snowdons, who knew
skiing without snow

could be so much fun.

- Certainly not us.

- Hey, Holly.
- Hi, nice hat.

- I think we'd better
go and find your mum.

- You take Michael.

I wanna go again.

Doug said he'd teach me
how to parallel turn.

- Don't worry, Mr. Snowdon,
I'll keep an eye on her.

- It's so nice to
see a familiar face.

- Oh, hi, or should I say home?

Are you okay?

- Oh, nothing I haven't
dealt with every day.

Sorry, is it okay if I join you?

- Of course.

I wonder if he's on the menu.

- I don't mean to vent,

but this was supposed
to be a family holiday

and Bob's off with his boys
every day leaving me alone

to sit and read a book.

Not as if I don't like
the peace and quiet,

but he just assumes
that because I am woman,

I couldn't possibly have an
interest in anything they do.

I mean, I don't ski,

but he could at least
come and sit with me.

- I completely understand.

- And then having spent
the whole day apart,

every evening, he's
down at the hotel bar

without even thinking
if I might like to come

or bring me back
a glass of wine.

Sorry, I don't have the
testosterone to keep up.

- Kevin isn't winning any
points right now either.

This place is a
wonderland for the kids,

but he won't have
any part of it.

I mean, just because he
doesn't like Christmas,

doesn't mean no one else does.

- Come on, Kev,

you have to admit, us Johnsons
are natural sportsmen,

fastest father and son duo here.

- We could actually go a
lot faster if we wanted to.

- Only one way to find out,

race, race, race,
race, race, race.

- Between you and I,

I arranged this
trip and told Kevin

that our usual ski
resort overbooked.

The kids are growing up so fast.

- Well, I don't have any
problem with Bob in that regard.

He's just a big kid and
he spares no expense,

especially at the holidays.

- Oh, I wonder how Holly's doing
with all that testosterone.

- It stinks there's no snow.

- Imagine how
pretty it would be.

- Speaking of, I
got you something.

- What?

- That's really sweet.

- Okay, if we keep to
this side of the slope,

we'll cut off that part of it.

No one's choosing to ski
there because it's slower,

but with our extra wax,
there'll be less friction

so it won't be a problem for us.

- Dad, we're sliding,
simple as that.

- Well, not exactly, Michael.

- Hey, Kevlar, we
doing this or what?

- Good luck.

- Ride like the wind, Brad.

Relax Kevlar, it's
only good fun.

- We take our skiing seriously.

- Why?
- Lean into it, Michael!

- Come on, that's it.

- Yes, Michael,
yes, yes, Michael!

- Yes!

- That's not fair!

You boy cheated.

He missed the last two.

- Yes, Brad!

- You cheated.
- No I didn't.

- Yes, you did.

- He certainly did.

- I don't see any
rules posted anywhere.

- He's got a point.

It was a no rules race
to the bottom, Brad wins!

- Michael!

- What a sore loser.

- You have no
respect for others.

You're a horrible child.

- Don't speak to
my son like that.

It's not his fault
your boy can't compete.

He's a bully just like you.

You don't intimidate me.

- Is that so?

Yeah.

- Are you okay, dad?

- Come on, Brad,

these losers aren't
worth our energy.

- Kev, this is not who we are.

You've been dealing
with this need

to be better than the
Johnsons for so long.

I won't let it ruin our holiday.

- Yeah, well you
didn't see them, Jane,

just blatant in your face.

- It was pretty brutal, mom.

- Okay, so maybe it was,
but it's over, look around.

- All right, let's see if
sugar will shift our mood.

Okay, what does everyone fancy?

- Oh, these ones
look good over here.

- Cookies?
- Cookies, definitely.

- Cookies all round, okay.
- Cookies.

- Four boxes of cookies please.

- Where have these
been all my life?

I might actually start
to like Christmas

if I had these to
look forward to.

- Hello dear, would
you like to see Santa?

- Yeah, I've never
seen him before.

- No.

- Oh, we'll figure
something out.

- He doesn't like
anything Christmasy.

- That's not true.

I like these cookies.

- How about you sweetheart,

would you like to
see Santa's reindeer?

- Real reindeer?

I'd love to.

- We have zoos back
in England, thank you.

- But I wanna see one
of Santa's reindeer.

Mom, come on.

- We're in Lapland.

- Yeah, what is the
point of coming here?

- That's enough!

- It's their holiday too.

- I said no, and that's final.

- Come on, kids.

- We don't need to see Santa.

We're not going to
see any reindeer

and we're certainly not
having any more ski races.

Worst dad ever more like.

- Yoo-hoo!

- Gotta give him an
A for effort, right?

- More like an F for effort.

- We both know he would've won.

- All in good fun,
it was just a game.

- Someone could have
got really hurt.

- Mom, can we just go?

- Come on.

- I was just making
friends with her.

Did you really have to go-

- Some people are too sensitive.

- Or too competitive.

- It was just boys having fun.

- Not every boy

in every sport has to be a
matter of life and death.

- I'm going for a drink.

- How do you think I feel?

This is my first real
chance at a boyfriend

and you're ruining it.

- You can do a lot
better than Doug Johnson,

not to mention he's two
years older than you.

From now on, I don't want
you anywhere near him.

- She's got a point.

You moan about Bob,

but at least he lets
his kids have some fun.

- You can't seriously be
okay with her interest

in Doug Johnson.

- It's a harmless crush.

I'm okay with her being happy.

- Are you guys fighting?

- No.
- No, it's okay, come on.

Back to bed.

- If you want what's
best for your kids,

how about making this
happy holiday a little less

like a military camp?

- I just don't
appreciate being scammed

by all these stupid
Christmas overpriced add-ons,

which is why I like the
resort we usually go to.

- But there's nothing
there, but skiing.

- Exactly.

- God forbid, you add on
some happy family memories.

Saving a few pennies is useless

if the entire trip is a failure.

You're essentially
wasting thousands.

Where are you going?

- To the doghouse,
where I'm welcome.

- I'm serious, next
time you're in the UK,

come and see Johnson's autos.

I'll set you up
with a sweet ride,

even arrange for shipping.

- Perfect, I can't
even drown my sorrows

without him turning up.

Ow!
- Sorry Kevlar,

don't have me own
strips sometimes.

Nah, put your money
away, I'm buying.

- No, I'm not owing you any.

- Relax, I'm trying
to make it up to you.

By the way, Beth told
me what Jane did.

You can milk that for
a year of paybacks.

- What are you talking about?

- Switching your resort
reservations to come here.

I mean, it certainly
wouldn't bother me.

We go all out at Christmas,

but for someone like you,
that's a pretty traumatic trick.

- I'm so out of
touch with my family,

it's a wonder they
don't leave me.

- Don't be so hard on yourself.

I get sent to the
dog pretty regular.

That's what pubs were meant for.

Look, what I've learned
is everyone needs
a little time out.

That and an apology
go a long way.

So I do wanna apologize.

Brad's testosterone certainly
doesn't need encouraging

and I just like to see
the kids enjoy themselves.

- Thank you, I appreciate that.

And I want my kids
to have fun too.

I'm just horrible at it.

- We can be a
little over the top,

an excitable gene pool.

Do you think I got into car
sales for my love of vehicles?

No, it was the only job that
would pay someone like me

to be loud and obnoxious.

- At least you found your niche.

- I'm no parenting expert,

but I do know that happy
kids make a happy wife

and that makes a happy life.

What makes your kids happy?

- Everything here in Lapland.

Problem solved, you're
already here.

- What?

- I was just thinking, we
never finished our race.

Well, I don't think it would've
been much of a contest.

- Michael would've won if
Brad hadn't have cheated,

and I do believe I got
to the bottom before you.

- Well, I guess
we'll never know.

- I know, and any
rematch would prove it.

- What do you have in mind?

- Last day of the holiday,

winner gets to brag
the whole way home.

- How about 100 pounds?

- What, no, Michael would
kill for 100 pounds.

- Let the adult take.

- Oh, I'd rather
keep it innocuous.

- Thought you didn't
like me being obnoxious.

- All right then, rematch
day after tomorrow,

back on the dry slope.

- Why don't we surprise 'em

with something a
little different?

- Oh, here we go.

I'm not signing up for anything
dangerous or embarrassing.

- All I'm saying is
it's your chance to end

on a happy note.

- You're on, excuse me, could
we have the same again please?

- Cheers!

Cheers!

Oh no, 6:00 AM, fine.

I will be back here at 6:00 AM.

Ow!

- A ho-ho morning to you.

- Hi, morning, I'd like to
buy some tickets for my family

for the Big Santa tour.

- You are going to be
on someone's nice list.

How many?

- Oh four, including me.

- Here we go.

How about next
Tuesday at 11:00 AM?

- I was hoping for today or
maybe tomorrow at the latest.

- These tours are
supposed to be booked

when you make the reservation.

The opening Tuesday

is only because a family
had to cancel their trip.

So can I put you
down for Tuesday?

It won't last long.

- No, we're going
home in two days.

Please, could you just
squeeze us in today?

- Sorry sir, that's all I have.

Like I said,

you should have made the
reservation when you arrived.

- And for a minute there,

I actually thought I
might deserve a chance

at owning that mug.

Now would be the time
to prove your luck.

- Is this the number one?

- I don't think
this is a bus stop.

- I haven't seen a
set of those in ages.

I wonder why no one
wears them anymore.

- They're actually my dad's.

- I see.

- I don't suppose you
have any tickets left

for today's Santa tour?

- Of course, no children
should come to Lapland

and not visit Santa.

Thank you so much!

You have no idea
how much this means.

- The bus will pick
you up here at midday.

- Got it, thank
you again so much.

My family are gonna
be over the moon!

- Is that okay?

Where have you been?

What are you wearing?

- Actually.

- Don't look now,
Bob Johnson is here.

- Off to Tinseltown
before the Santa tour.

- Don't forget tomorrow.

- Don't you worry.

- What's tomorrow?

- A rematch on the dry slope
with no cheating this time.

And the winner gets bragging
rights and 100 pounds.

All right, come on Snowdons,
eat up and cheer up.

We are on the noon
tour to see Santa.

- Hey, really?
- Hmm, hmm.

- Can we go see the reindeer?

- Yes, we can go and
see the reindeer.

- Oh my gosh, yes.

- Oh my god, dad,
thank you so much.

- Michael.

- I dunno what got
into you last night,

but we should buy a case of it.

- Oh, I better get
out of my pajamas.

See you in a minute.

Oh wow, it's quite busy.

This is gonna be fun.

- Can we sit up front?

- Well, it's not assigned seat,

so we'll just have to
see what's available.

Just say hello.

- Must be nearly 12.

I think my watch
needs a service.

- Well, maybe the bus
is just a bit late.

- Oh, maybe, but the time
slots were so specific.

You think they'd be prompt.

- Oh, here it is.

- Welcome to Lapland's
Premier Santa Tours.

Thank you.

- Here we go!

- Gonna see Santa
and the reindeer.

- Thank you.

Sorry Ms, this is for
another tour group.

Right there, it says,
"The Santa Tour".

- Right, that's what this is.

- Sorry Ms., this is Santa
Tours with an S and no the.

I'm sure your bus
will be along shortly.

- Where did you
get these tickets?

- The old stick lady
from the market.

- Really?

- I didn't want to.

The hotel's had sold
out till next week.

I was trying to do
the right thing.

Gimme a break.

- I told you at the
welcome meeting.

You just don't listen.

- Are we still
going to see Santa?

- Definitely, we're just going

on a different bus, that's all.

- I'm sure it'll be fine.

- It will be fine,
and here very soon.

- Is there a number to call?

- I suppose I could go
and ask the smiley woman

on reception for help.

- All aboard the
Santa Tour Express.

- I don't think there's
anything express about this.

- Hurry up.

- Wait, is it safe?

- Of course, I'm sure it is.

I don't understand,

where are the other
passengers going to sit?

- Oh, it's just you folks today.

- Are we going to
the North Pole?

- We certainly are.

And it's a long ride,
so make yourself snug.

- I spy a Christmas tree forest.

- We'll be there in no time.

- This is so cool.

- It's kind of creepy.

Are we here?

If we go any further,

the North Pole's
gonna get closed.

The NP never
closes.

Come with me.

- Me?

Okay, just stay calm.

- Time to call the others.

We go the rest of
the way on foot.

- How much further is it?

- Oh, not long now, dear.

- I can't believe we're
in the North Pole.

- Hurry now dears, Santa
doesn't have all day.

- This is awesome.
- Yeah.

- Oh wow, that's
all right, isn't it?

- Oh!

- Shh.

Are you're excited to see Santa?

- Michael!

- Where's he going?

- To see Santa of course.

Holly will get her turn too.

- Oh, how did you?

- That was awesome.

- What happened?

- I saw Santa.

He's really nice.

Not as big as I thought he'd be.

- You couldn't have.

- You were only gone
for two seconds.

- I did too.

We talked about a lot of things.

- Let me look.

- You can't go by yourself.

- Oh, she has to,

no grownups are allowed.

- You have the same raincoat
as in grandpa's book.

And he showed me his
magic snow globe.

- Do you have any pictures
of what goes on in there?

How do we know it's safe?

- It's completely safe.

He's actually really sweet.

He gave me this
present for the house.

Santa said we can't open
it till Christmas day.

- Who'd like to go and see
if they can spot a reindeer?

- Thanks for letting
us come, dad.

- Well, don't worry,

grownups are allowed
to spot reindeer.

- Kids only.

- Who can tell me the
names of Santa's reindeer?

- Cupid, Comet, Dasher,
Dancer, Prancer, Donner, Vixen.

- And Rudolph.
- Well done.

If you spot one,
they love to snack,

and they'll come out
if you are quiet.

- 3:00 PM.
- Come on.

- Yeah, don't worry about
me, I'll catch you up.

- Oh, for goodness
sake, don't get lost.

- Jane!

Holly!

Michael!

Snowdons!

- That's weird.

- It's very weird, Jane!

- Good afternoon, I
don't suppose you know

where my family are, do you?

No, thank you,
you've been helpful.

Holly, Michael, Jane!

It's still 3:00 PM.

It's like I'm not the
only anything frozen.

Can't believe my entire survival

is counting on your luck, dad.

Northern Point.

Hello!

Finally, civilization.

Hello, hi!

Hello in there!

Hello, can you hear me in there?

North Pole, what is happening?

Look, is this some
sort of sick joke?

Are you behind this Bob Johnson?

Please, where am I?

Come on, you can come out now.

This isn't funny anymore.

Ho, ho, ho, what
a hilarious jape.

Oh, please, please, please.

Hello?

Hello?

What on earth?

What is this?

Sorry, sorry, do
you speak English.

- Mr. Snowdon?

Sorry to scare you.

- Alfie, what are
you doing here with?

- Corky gets a bit overexcited,

so she works here alone.

- Well, I have to say, it's
nice to see a familiar face.

I've been wandering around
that forest for hours.

My family are gonna be
worried senseless about me.

My watch, oh, 3:01.

Well, my watch does seem
to be thawing out finally.

- Your watch wasn't frozen.

Frankly, I'm surprised you
even entertained such a notion.

For the mechanism to freeze,

it needs to be surrounded
by a liquid of mostly water.

- Okay, yes, sorry, my
head has been a bit foggy,

to say the least, but
you're absolutely right,

it's more likely
to be the intensity

of the magnetic force you
have this far up north.

- Let's get you some
hot cocoa to warm up.

- I like your costumes.

Are you both working
here for the holidays?

- This may be hard to believe,
but we're actually elves.

- Right.

- I was in your class
to monitor the behavior

of certain individuals.

- Look, I appreciate
the charade,

but I really need to be
getting to my family.

- I have no idea where they are.

It wasn't my turn to watch them.

- Well, that's uncalled for.

- Oh, hardly, Father
Christmas watches everything,

especially now as the holiday
season is in full swing.

- Fine, at least
tell me the way back

to The Crazy Reindeer.

- Now that's uncalled for,

just because they
fly and eat carrots,

doesn't mean you can act cruel.

- Sorry, you mentioned
maybe some hot cocoa.

- I have a mind to
send you on your way.

But seeing as you
are on my list,

guess I am partly
to blame, follow me.

- Oh, nice to meet you Corky.

- Right this way.

- Is this an orphanage?

- You really don't see
how you come off, do you?

- Well, what else could it be?

- Sleeping quarters
for the elves.

Oi!

- Look, I appreciate
the spirit of all this.

I really do, but I need to
get back to Jane and the kids.

They're gonna be worried sick.

Do you have a telephone?

- They don't even
know you're gone yet.

- Of course they do.

I've been gone for hours.

We were led into the woods
by this mad old woman

with a stick.
- Be nice!

- All right, she wasn't that
old, but I bumped my head.

I woke up.

It was snowing.

I saw a reindeer.

I got lost in the woods.

Found this place.

You're all dressed as elves

and now you've brought me
into a massive doll's house.

Where are you taking me?

Who's in charge
of this operation?

- Santa of course.

- I just need the quickest
route to the lodge,

then I can get the bus back
to The Crazy Reindeer hotel.

I'm no happier about its
name than you by the way.

- Right this way sir,
Santa will know what to do.

Go on, in there.

- So you are telling
me Father Christmas,

the real Saint Nick,
grandfather Frost

and all his other festive
names is behind that door?

All right then.

Knock, knock jolly old fat man.

- What's the meaning of this?

Alfie, explain yourself.

- Nice gig if you
can stomach it.

I'm looking for a phone
or perhaps a lift back

to The Crazy Reindeer.

- Blitz has been up the
eggnog again has he?

- Apparently it's a hotel.

- Kevin Snowdon, as
I live and breathe,

you still got your
magnetic robot model.

- I'd forgotten all about that.

That was the best Christmas
I ever had before my mum...

Have you been
speaking to my wife?

Is this her doing?

- I'm gonna make
you some hot cocoa.

- I'd say make yourself at home,

but I can see you're in a hurry.

- Green jacket, just
like Michael said.

- He's a cute boy.

- What are those things?

- My keys, yes,
they have a key now.

It's gonna take me
decades to wipe out

that near catastrophe thanks
to that social media nonsense.

- Listen, do you have a
telephone that I could use?

- No phones at the North Pole?

- I've lost my family.

Alfie said you'd help me.

- He also said they don't
even know you've gone.

- I need to get back to them.

Please, can we just
stop the pedantics?

- I'm not a linguist
or a scientist,

but I do know that
here at the North Pole,

the way you harried
civilians measure time

is very different.

I only have to turn that
over once every three months.

One turn is equal to
one hour of your time.

Here, time runs at one
2000th of your speed.

- All right then,
how do those work?

- Elf magic, I left
one behind once.

I had to make a special
trip back to London

while the boy was asleep
to swap it for a replica.

Poor lad must have
thought he was going mad.

- Top marks.
- Thank you, sir.

- What's through there?

- My letters.

- Of course, and how
many have you received?

- This year or all together?

- All together.

- Behind that door,

I have every letter ever
written to me since 341 AD.

- And what are those
you've grabbed?

- You'll see, I
may be a hoarder,

but when you deal in belief,

you sometimes have to refer
to things from the past.

This still tears
me up to this day.

- I don't believe it.

- Better rethink your words.

Dear Santa, I don't want
any presents this year.

My mum died and I need her back.

Dad cries every day.

So do I.

But I try not to let him see.

We both miss her so much.

I don't think we'll get
through Christmas without her.

Please use your magic to bring
back my mum, love, Kevin.

- I was only nine.

- Michael's age.

- I suppose you get a lot of
letters like that asking you

to do the impossible.

- I do, it's what
keeps me going.

There's real magic
here at the North Pole.

Time goes so slowly, you
can hardly see it moving.

And the reindeer really can fly.

But however slowly time goes,
I can't make it go backwards.

That Christmas wish and
all the others like it

that I couldn't fulfill,
keep me awake at night.

You never wrote to
me again after that.

I understand why, but I
couldn't say, it's not my place.

- I was convinced
you were a fraud.

So angry, I wanted
you hurled into jail.

- Got a couple more here I
had rushed over from London.

"My dad hates Christmas.

"He always ruins it by taking
us to a boring ski resort."

- Holly.

- "What I really want is
for my dad to like Christmas

"as much as me."
- Michael.

I really am a terrible dad.

- No, no you're not.

You just need to open your eyes

and see what a wonderful family
you've got in front of you.

The past will never
be the present.

It's nearly two
minutes past three.

We better get you back.

Alfie!

He really is my favorite elf.

- He's my favorite student.

I bet he could tell you exactly

how many letters you
get sent every year.

- Last year was a record.

We had over 250 million,
not including emails.

- We also estimate that
about 10 million got lost

in the post.

- Like I said, Mr. Snowdon,

your calculations
were quite close.

Your deductions for
the naughty list

was way too high though.

Tell him how many
were on it last year.

- 27.

- That's not possible.

- No children are bad deep down.

They're just
frustrated or anxious.

- Even Doug is a good kid.

His image is just a front.

I saw him in the playground
once after school

with his little brother.

He was crying,

but Doug was calm and
made him feel better.

He was there when it
mattered the most.

- Well, that is a surprise.

- We must get young Kevin back.

- Everyone's young in his eyes.

- Are we in a
different building?

Hey, Michael's got one of
these on his Christmas list.

How much are they?

- It's not for sale.

- What do you mean?

You must have plenty.

- Everything we make
is a gift on my list

for a child somewhere
in the world.

Nothing is for sale
or left as extra.

- Oh, so you mean someone
else has a wooden go-kart

on their list
other than Michael.

- Come on, I don't normally
take people through here,

but it's the quickest route.

- Oh!

- Don't overthink it.

The doors lock differently here.

- Oh.

Oh, 3:02.

Well, what's that?

- For the reindeer, so
they don't go crazy.

- I thought reindeer
only ate carrots.

A rumor started by the
Easter Bunny.

- Oh, can you let Jane and
the kids know I'm on my way?

- No need, come
back at any time.

- There's no way

that could have been my letter
from all those years ago.

And I'm lost again.

Ah.

Oh!

Oh, oh!

- Kev, I told you
not to get lost.

- Jane, were you not
worried about me?

- You were only
gone a few minutes.

3:03.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I guess the
altitude's maybe a bit foggy.

- Oh, come on.

We could all use a cozy
night in by the fire.

Let's catch up with the kids
and maybe spot a few reindeer.

- Truly spectacular, and
they've definitely done a number

on my watch.

- I can't believe we actually
got to meet the real Santa.

Did you see the
magic snow globe?

- It's actually
called an hourglass,

but yeah, it was pretty awesome.

- What color jacket
did you say he wore?

- Green, just like the
one in grandpa's book.

- But he had his red one
on a hook behind his desk

and he also had the magic
key in a glass cabinet.

- Thank you for a lovely day.

- Seems to be going on forever.

- They probably chickened out.

- Be nice, Bradley.

- Yeah, Bradley.

- Seems our men are
up to something.

- He promised he wasn't
going to do anything crazy.

- Good job your
skis got banged up.

- I agree, otherwise we
wouldn't have rented these.

- What are those?

- These are the real
surprise, Michael.

- It's all a bit of fun.
- Yes.

- Johnsons, Snowdons,
giant rubber donuts.

- Let's have a race.

I promise, I won't
cheat this time.

- Boys, be nice.

- No bumping.

- Or cutting in front.

- Just bounce or slide.

- Which one is it?

- Dunno, I've not done it yet.

- Oh!

- It's all about weight
distribution, isn't it?

You might as well give
that 100 pound now.

- I've put all my faith

into a donut full of
hot air, haven't I?

- Relax, remember what I
said, happy kids, happy wife.

- Ready?
- Steady.

- Go!

- Yes, come on!

- Woo!
- Woo!

- Who won?

Call it a draw.

- Wait.

- Look, that's the coat
we saw him wearing.

Wait a
minute, isn't that?

- Who?

- I don't usually
believe in dejavu, but-

- Wait, you're
right, isn't that?

- Grandma Elf from the tour?

- Oh, Christina would not like
to hear you call her that.

She gave me this book.

I met her in a small
shop in Turkey.

We'd been marching three days

and she came running out into
the street calling for help.

So of course, we all went
in and were instantly taken

by the smell of hot
chocolate and ginger cake.

Never did find out what
she wanted help for,

but boy, did she help us.

- So you didn't help her?

- Well, we stayed
for over an hour

while she poured cake and
cocoa down our gullets

and then we left.

And I realized how
selfish we were,

so I ran straight back in and
she thanked me for our company

and she gave me this book.

Turkey is no country
for marching across,

but flying, now,
that's another story.

- It's time for bed.

- Yes, mum's right.

Santa won't be visiting
unless you're both asleep.

- Carrots, reindeer
only eat moss.

- I'm pretty sure they'll
eat anything we put out.

- Actually, Holly is right,
reindeer won't eat carrots.

That was just a rumor
started by the Easter Bunny.

- Well, I better go in the
garden and dig some up then.

Come on, guys.

- Night you two.

- Night grandad.
- Night.

- Love you.
- Love you, dad.

- Thank you for this.

It did bring me luck.

- What happened
to you in Lapland?

I haven't seen you this
happy at Christmas since.

- I miss her too.

Try as I might,

I'll never forget that
first Christmas without her.

And you were a saint for putting
up with the way I behaved.

- A saint?

For so many years, I
thought I'd failed,

but seeing you with
your kids made me think,

"Old man, at least you
got one thing right."

- I love you.

- Right, you two better get
to bed so Santa could come.

- Chess set.

- That's really cute.

- Wow!

- Oh my gosh,

thank you, dad.

- You're welcome,
you deserve it.

- To Michael, for you and
your dad, love, Santa.

- Yes, best Christmas ever.

- I dreamt about that thing.

- Oh, I almost
forgot, where is it?

It's just like
the one Santa had.

- Are you all right, Kev?

- Hmm, hmm, yeah, yeah.

- Kids, why don't you go and
get your dad a hot drink.

- Yeah, come on.
- Yeah.

- Here at the North Pole,
time is very different.

I have every letter ever
written to me since 341 AD.

Please use your magic
to bring back my mum.

- This may be hard to believe,
but we're actually elves.

- It wasn't a dream.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas to you.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Can anyone explain
to me the principles

behind Einstein's
theory of relativity?

Dear Santa,
thank you so much

for making last
Christmas the best ever.

I dunno how you did it,

but I even got a boyfriend,

and dad found his
festive spirit.

He's declared a new
Christmas time tradition

with our family
friends, the Johnsons.

I will always write
and believe in you.

All my love, Holly.