Original subtitles

Hey.

What happened to the movers?I thought

they were helping you. Easy, easy, easy,

easy. Okay, okay, okayOh, are you kidding?

I wouldn't let them touch my sculpture.

Besides, they're afraid of it.

Movers don't appreciate good art, Nick. I

am really messing your place up here. Are

you sure you don't mind me moving, Ed?I

mean, it just feels kind of weird,

imposing and all. Oh, come on! You're my

little brother. It'll be good for both of

us. You needed a place to stay and I

needed... a big knick-knack for the

kitchen. So, uh,

Louie, what do you think, huh, bud?

I think you need professional help, Nick.

Hey, hey, hey, heyHow's school today, huh

The usual. I was humiliated by the kids

above me on the advertising return. Some

of them guys. I got into two

fights, my book guide was stolen, and Bob

asked me how I'd feel if we spent a lot

more time together. Oh, hey, hey, heyYou

know, we had to get a lot like Bob when I

went to school, too.

Bob is Louis's teacher. We're dating.

Oh, wait. You date my teacher?Are

you sure you want Lewis to hang around

that kind of element?Listen, can we

talk about this later?Lewis, why don't

you go study in your room?You're not

going to talk about this later. We're

going to talk about this now.

Lewis has not had the best of experiences

with the men in my life, largely because

I have not had the best of experiences

with the men in my life. It's going well

between him, Bob, you know?Don't rock the

boat. Keep it to myself, all right?

A teacher?There's nothing wrong with

teaching, Nick. It's a job.

That's why you don't like it.

Hey, you know, I've been given some very

serious thought to getting a job. Really?

That's great. Doing what?I'm talking

part-time talk here while I worked on my

art. Or maybe right here in the East

Village. Maybe in a

creative environment. Maybe in your

bookstore. Impossible.

You'd never get along with a partner with

Rachel. Why not?She's an intellectual.

She's from a wealthy family. She eats

with utensils.

Please. All right,

I'll set up an interview. But I'm telling

you, Rachel is very picky about who works

in the bookstore. Believe me, she'll find

some little reason why you don't fit in.

Like what?You don't read.

She is picky.

Oh, my God. Rachel, you must feel

terrible. Oh, no, noLet me tell him to

come back later. Oh, no, no, no, noI'm

all right. I'm not letting this get to

me. I mean, uh, breaking up with Brad

is... Just another experience, right?And

you know me, I absolutely crave

experience. I want to experience

pleasure. I want to experience

pain. But I want it to be

Brad's pain.

Anger is a natural reaction. No, No

noAnger is a tempered response. A

heavy, blunt object is a natural

reaction. So, which one

is next?Over there in the children's

section?The one tying the laces in the

Doomy book?

Oh, my God, he's beautiful.

See?What a

cruel joke of nature.

Hey, uh, Marlene, uh, you seen this new

edition?Check it out. They had a Velcro.

He still takes pleasure in the simplest

things. That can work.

Ah, Nick. This is Rachel

Phillips. Rachel, this is Nick Moore.

I'm pleased to meet you, Nick. Hey.

Hey, Rachel.

Hey, Rachel Phillips.

Good.

Ohh Listen, Rachel, while you're

interviewing me, why don't I order the

hors d'oeuvres for tomorrow's book sign?

That is a great idea. Now, remember, it

is a book on coping with depression, so

don't get anything too sharp.

Really, well, why don't

we, uh, take a seat and talk about the

job?Right

here.

Oh, Nick, do I understand that you're an

artist?

I don't know. Do

you?It It doesn't really matter.

Well, let's see. What I need to do is ask

you a few questions, okay?Your

age. Uh, 24.

Is that good?Oh, yes, that's very good.

Uh, college?Uh,

no. How about a junior college?Uh,

sorry. Alrighty,

um, do you ever go to poetry readings?

Do you ever go to plays other than Neil

Simon?

Um, French films?Italian films?

Industrial films?

How can two people have a relationship

based on nothing but a physical

attraction?Uh, can I have a

minute on that?

Oh. Oops.

I am so sorry. I don't know

why I just said that. It's totally

unrelated.

Well...

Actually, I just did break up with

someone today, and I guess it's sort of

spelling over. I don't apologize. I

understand. You know, that sort of

thing's hard to go through. Yeah. You

know, painful. Very sensitive. So

why'd he dump you?You didn't

dump me. I just keep getting into these

relationships that are entirely

cerebral. Have you ever done that?Of

course not. Nick,

listen. I would really

love to hire you. But,

um, you are the antithesis of a person

who should work in a bookstore. You are

the... The anti-clerk, so to speak.

You are completely, totally, and

unequivocally wrong for the job.

So when can you start?

Oh, Louise.

What do you think, huhAm I a great

babysitter or what?Well, I've

never watched TV outside before. Oh,

wait, you got to loosen up. This is life.

You should enjoy being outside, communing

with nature. Nick, we are outside in New

York. We could be communing with snipers.

Hey, what about time you started calling

me Uncle Nick?I can't. Well, I mean,

you're not really like an uncle. You're

more like a stranger.

Hey, look, wait. You know,

I know I was gone for a long time, but I

do what I could to keep in touch. I sent

you postcards, right?Bet you didn't write

anything on them.

There were things that I had to do, you

know?I had to grow up, I had to see the

world. You can't hang around forever.

Things change, you know?I don't like it

when things change. I'll have them just

the way they are. Me and my mom, and

the TV in the living room.

Hey, where is everybody?Uh, we're out

here. Hi, guys.

Uh-huhHi, Bob. Bob, this is

my brother, Nick. Hey, Nick, nice to meet

you. Same. Listen, why don't you take Bob

inside and show him some of your artwork?

There's something I need to talk to Louis

about. Okay. So, you're a

teacher, huhRight. Who do you want to be?

Honey, Bob sprang

something very unexpected on me tonight.

A pop quiz?I hate it when he does that.

No, sweetheart, more serious than a pop

quiz. Bob's asked me to become

engaged. He wants to marry me.

Isn't that terrific?Hey, congratulations.

That's great. Ooh, I knew you'd be

happy. Listen, let's go inside and

we'll tell Uncle Nick and then we'll

celebrate. Hey, Nick!

Look, I'm okay! Oh, hey,

congratulations! Alrighty,

congratulations! Hey, isn't this

great?

Do you mind if there are other depressed

people here?

Oh, eh, look at this growl. It's great.

No, we're not. We're worthless.

Did you get all the depressing books off

the shelves?Uh, yeah, I think so. Uh,

Hamlet, Head of the Salesman,

Elephant Man. Bambi.

Tears me apart. Of

course. Uh, hey, uh, Rachel, uh,

any good children's books?You know,

something Louis would like?Well, we have

Dr. Seuss. Uh, no.

I don't think he's into medical stuff.

Uh-huhWell, what kind of book did you

have in mind, exactly?Uh, well, I was

thinking maybe something off me, you

know, kind of lift them up a little. You

know what?Why don't you just take the

whole thing, okay?

OkayYou know, the poor little guy seems

kind of down lately. Poor boy.

Why?Uh, I'm

not too sure. You know much about kids?

No, all my friends are into wines.

You know, it really seemed to start when

Marlene announced the engagement. Yeah.

And he started... Hold that thought.

I remind books. Could you hold

on just one second, please?Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm sorry, but if you're gonna

climb the ladder, I'll have to take your

tie.

Hello?Yes, I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry. Marlene isn't here right

now. Can I take a med...

Oh, no. I'll tell her as soon as she

gets back. Oh, no, no thank you.

Louis is in trouble at school. They want

Marlene to come down right away. You

know, maybe you should go. Ohh No, no, no

I don't think Marlene would want that. I

mean, besides, Louis is a pretty good

kid. How bad could the bubble be?They

said he's chained to his desk.

It's got potential. Look,

Louis, look who's here. Did you say hello

to your uncle?Louis is protesting

the grade on his social studies exam. He

was studying Gandhi.

Louis, what was the grade?A D. And

you're protesting?

I want my mom.

Lewis, has this got anything to do

with your mom, Mary and Bob?

Nick, can I see your man?

Look, we have to tread very carefully.

Lewis is an A student, and he's

overreacting to a bad grade. Yeah, I did

that once. Except I chained my teacher to

the desk.

We don't want to aggravate the situation.

Just let me try. Nick, I'm a teacher. I

have 17 years in the New York schools. If

I can't get them to give me the key, how

can you?Watch.

Louie, where's the key?

I'm not telling you. Hey. Hey, wait a

minute. Wait a

minute. What are you doing?Louis, you got

20 feet to the stairwell. Sure, buy it!

Louis, are you all right?What's going on

here?Why are you chained to a desk?So

they got a deal. Isn't this a

little severe?

I had nothing to do with it. If I asked

anybody, he did it to himself. Is this

true?Yes. Come

on. You're grounded. Forever. Hey,

hey, hey, heyIsn't that a little rough?I

mean, it's not like he hurt anybody.

That's not the point. Don't stick your

nose in this. Excuse me, can I say

something here?Maybe you three

should talk about this alone. I'll be the

other side.

Why did you do it?Hey, Hey what is the

big deal, huhSo he chained himself to the

desk. I did a lot of worse things, and

look how I turned out.

I'm accusing Lewis, and the answer is

right in front of me. It's you, Nick.

You're a bad influence. I... I

was only trying to help. HelpLook

what happened. Lewis has never done

anything like this in his life before you

showed up. Why, you think it's my fault?

You give me a better explanation.

I can't.

You want a bedtime story?

Sit up, I'll

tell you one. This is, uh.. It'll

be one of them stories that don't mean

what you think it means, but it's got a

lesson. Oh, a feba lamor.

Okay.

Once upon a time, there was this kid

who had an uncle, but he wouldn't call

him his uncle. And the kid got into

trouble. And the uncle went down to the

school to bail him out, but when the

kid's mom came, the mom blamed the uncle.

And the kid just sat there and let the

uncle take the rap. How

did the story end?You tell me.

There's more to the story.

See, the uncle, you don't mind taking the

heat. As long as the kid's honest. If

you get ain't honest, that's the end of

the story.

Come on, baby. Why don't you do it?

Because I don't want my mom to get

married again. Why, you don't like Bob?

No, Bob's okay. At least he's better than

the last guy mom dated. He married a baby

gym. I'd like to see babies sweat. Yeah,

I didn't know babies could sweat. They do

want now less equipment.

I just don't think mom should get married

at all. Everything is fine when it's just

the two of us. Uh, no no no no noThen

you can go stay a latchkey kid.

I don't mind sharing her. Hey,

I know, but Louie, you gotta look at her

from her side. And she's gonna grow up,

move away. You know, she's gonna need

somebody. It's not fair. If

she gets married, nothing will be the

same. Look, Louie, I told you that.

Things change. But she's still gonna love

you. Hey, look, you

know, sometimes things change for the

better. You know, like you and me, I went

away, but now I'm back. I'm

here for you. You know, if you've got a

problem, we can talk.

If you feel alone, we'll hop on Uncle

Nick's bike and go for a ride and grab a

few beers.

Okay?Okay, Nick.

Lewis, it's

bedtime, honey.

Hi. HiI was just telling him a

bedtime story, I swear. It's

okay, Nick. Let's go see.

Mom?You don't want to know the best

things about you?You're always

forgiving. What do you mean?

Watch.

I tear myself to the desk today because I

don't want you and Bob to get married.

What?It wasn't Nick's fault.

Lewis, I can't believe I'm hearing this.

I thought you liked Bob. I do.

But I was acting like an insecure kid.

Well, I am an insecure kid. But I

was acting like some other insecure kid.

Honey, there's no reason for you to be

insecure. I know. That's

what Nick told me.

Thanks, Nick. day.

I guess I owe you an apology.

Yeah?

I can't do it.

Even when we were kids, I could never

apologize to you, even when I was wrong

and you were right. I was never right.

That's why.

Okay, there's a first time foreverything.

I'm sorry.

Say goodnight to your friend and then

uh.. I'll spit.

Goodnight, Louise. Goodnight.

Uncle Nick.

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