Original subtitles

♪ Star-crossed lovers on a moonlit drive ♪

♪ Dual crossed pistols where the dual is live ♪

♪ You've never telling me what's on your mind ♪

♪ That's love, love, love, love ♪

♪ That's love

♪ I seen you swimming and my sweet Lucile ♪

♪ Break your heart like the seventh seal ♪

♪ 'Cause every word I'm singing is the way you feel ♪

♪ That's love

♪ Love, love, love

♪ That's love

♪ Love, love, love

♪ Come change this way of life

♪ That's love, that's love

♪ Words in heaven sparking down in tree ♪

♪ All the people down upon their knees ♪

♪ Lodge run our enemies into the sea ♪

♪ That's love

♪ Love, love, love

♪ That's love

♪ Love, love, love

♪ White candles, sweet red wine ♪

♪ Drink when the moon is high

♪ You've never felt so fine

♪ That's love

♪ Love, love, love, love, love

♪ That's love

♪ That's love

Ah.

You're the fellow I spoke with on the telephone.

Is that right?

You are?

Please call me Harold.

I like that name.

Please sit.

You don't say much do you?

I'm not here to talk.

Yes, that's right.

Can I offer you anything,

a tea, coffee or something a little stronger perhaps?

An explanation as to why I'm here would be lovely.

And would you like a biscuit with that?

Please, I'm an old man, you're making my neck click.

Please, sit down, will you?

So, what am I gonna be calling you?

You'll be referring to me as Harold.

It's only polite that I know your name also.

You do have one, don't you?

You can call me Goose.

Goose.

Like one of those big flappy bird things.

Yeah, like a big flappy bird thing.

Let's get down to business.

First things first, when do I get my money?

Oh, I do like you,

you remind me of one of those gangster fellows

with the little Tommy gun and cigar.

Stick 'em up.

When we'll get paid?

Okay, Mr. Grumpy,

half of the money is in the envelope above the fire,

the rest you will get

once you have finished the job at hand.

So lemme get this straight.

You're gonna pay me 20 grand to stay here with you

'til 3:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, yeah?

I'm paying you to keep me alive.

If I am still alive by 3:00 a.m. tomorrow morning

your job here is done.

Okay, someone's trying to kill you.

I'm gonna need a bit more here.

My dear Goosey, Goosey,

we have been through all this on the telephone.

All you have to do is to sit here with me

until the hour of 3:00 a.m.

and to make sure that I do not die.

There is only me and your good self here

and nobody from the outside world is expected to join us.

Wait a second, you listen mate, I'm not a fucking doctor.

No, no, no, I'm not ill.

Yes, I'm feeling the pains of the aging process

but I expect to see out the evening.

I thought you expect to die.

I won't die, you're here.

Fucking hell.

I give up.

You're mental.

Do you mind if I have a fag?

I'd rather you didn't.

My dolls dresses tend to attract unpleasant odors.

It's an unholy job getting them clean.

What did you bring with you?

A jigsaw perhaps.

I do love a good jigsaw.

Or, or maybe a coloring book.

You're mental.

Oh, you brought your Tommy gun.

It's not a Tommy Gun.

Did you bring a jigsaw?

Why would I bring a fucking jigsaw?

You hired a hit man.

I brought a gun not a fucking jigsaw.

Now can you just shut the fuck up now?

You're doing my head in.

So what's the crack with you then?

You live in this big house on your own?

All right, you can unzip now, yeah.

Ah, that's better.

Yes, I live here alone.

The house was passed down through the generations.

See, I don't see much of it these days though.

Although I still hear it,

the creeks from every room.

I remember it fondly.

What about you?

Tell me about Mr. Goosey

For starters, you don't call me Mr. Goosey.

And we weren't talking about me either.

You're so lucky having a name like Goose.

It's obviously not my real name, is it?

I kill people for a living.

Like, honestly,

no more questions now, yeah.

How about we play with your jigsaw?

It's not a fucking,

I swear to God, right,

the best chance you've got of fucking dying

is me smashing a vase over your head.

It's 11:00 p.m.

We've got four more hours of this shit.

From now on, no more bullshit, yeah.

Do forgive me Mr. Goosey.

I have been known to waffle on occasion.

But while I enjoy my solitude,

I rarely get the chance to speak to people.

In fact, since I spoke to you yesterday,

I haven't spoken to a single soul

since this very same time last year.

I do enjoy a good story though.

I have thousands of books here

and they all tell a thousand stories.

There's no books here Harold.

Yes there are.

Look.

Look on that shelf just above you.

Oh, there's four books there, aren't there,

not a thousand.

Pass one to me, will you?

Sadly I'm unable to stand.

Yeah, pass it over, will you?

Here, you see, these are my books.

Every headline you see here real life stories

that have happened.

From these vague headlines, I can make my own stories.

There's so many headlines

that conjure a million possibilities.

We get to delve into the people

that make our society a rather interesting place.

This world is a weird and wonderful one, Mr. Goosey Gander.

There's so many things that happen that you

or I will never know about.

Creatures of the night powers we cannot see,

monsters that will only haunt your nightmares

until you are staring face to face with one.

And then of course the most dangerous one of all,

the human mind.

Don't I know it.

Would you like to hear one?

I've got a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway, ain't you?

Well this one looks interesting.

"A human skeleton found dumped in a river."

"Police have no clue."

Blah blah blah.

But I know the real reason.

Listen.

It was one cold Halloween night.

The streets were alive with goblins, witches and ghouls.

The smell of the burning jack-o'-lantern

was wafting through the air as the devil's night had begun.

Bill, Billy.

Come closer, I got something for you.

Where have you been?

I hope you brought some beer mate.

This place is.

Ah.

Are you pissed?

It's only,

what's it 8:00 p.m.

What, you thirsty?

Party's shit.

It's a bit shit.

It's a bit shit man.

Can't have you being sober on your birthday now, can we?

Oh I nearly forgot.

Happy birthday Billy.

Yeah, happy birthday mate.

You don't get a kiss from me.

Can you guess what I am?

You are wearing a monk costume

so I'm guessing she's a monk.

Try vampire.

Vampires don't wear robes.

Oh and who asked you?

Anyway, we bought them in The Slayers.

Let's be honest, we all look a bit shit.

I will drink to that.

Oh you'll be lucky in here.

Hey bro, tell Billy about the private party.

Private party?

Yes.

Yeah?

A friend of a friend has invited us

to a private Halloween party at Southern Hall.

Southern Hall?

Holy shit.

-Pretty cool, huh? -That's massive.

We have to go.

Yeah.

How did you get an invite for that?

It's not what you know.

Do you see how I look after you?

Halloween and birthday drinks in a stately home

with my beautiful stepsister.

Aw.

Fetching us drinks all night long.

Uh, how about affect you a kick in the bullocks instead?

What are we waiting for then?

Hey, let's go.

Let's go.

Just here, mate.

You know me?

You need booze mate, you need booze.

Wow.

That's awesome.

They will definitely have beer.

All right.

Let's go.

Can I help you?

Yes, Sophie and Kirk Martin.

And we brought along our friend Billy Parsons.

Please enjoy your evening.

What the hell is this?

Extravagant, huh?

Extravagant?

Are you sure we got in the right place?

It don't look like much of a Halloween party.

I feel a bit overdressed.

Did you know any of these?

Not a soul.

They all look good fun though, right.

Where's a booze?

We couldn't be more outta place if we tried.

Oh, it's pretty good though, right?

Yeah, it's good and everything.

It's just very weird.

It's not very Halloweeny is it?

Oh, Halloweeny, is that a word?

Oh look at this lot.

These are respectable people Billy boy.

They must be like what in their 60s or something?

It'd be weird if they are dressed as zombies.

I thought they were.

Oh you'll be that old one day.

I hope not.

Right, I'm gonna have a look around,

maybe pull myself a push granny, bit of experience.

Every hours a goal.

Do you really have to talk like that?

It's just a figure of speech.

Women you say far worse than that, when they get together.

And how would you know?

We know.

Wish me luck, I'm going in.

Go get 'em tiger.

Oh, thank you man, thank you.

Cheers.

It's a great place isn't it?

Sorry sir, this door's not in use.

That's fine.

Here he is, the birthday boy.

Ah, Mr. Parsons.

An honor to meet you sir.

Well if you all excuse me, I have matters to attend to.

You having fun mate?

Who was that?

I don't know, just some guy.

Oh it was lovely.

You all right mate?

You do look a bit rough.

Who are these people?

What do you mean?

Oh, what's up?

Are you not having fun?

Fun?

Fun?

You're calling this fun.

Are we at the same party?

What is the matter with you two?

It's just something a bit different.

Oh, lighten up grumpy chops.

It's your 30th birthday, try and enjoy it.

I feel like everyone's looking at me.

You're dressed as a zombie, Billy.

This is different.

It's like looking at me

but they're looking straight through me.

Listen Kirk, right, we're finished with this party,

let's go back to the other party please.

And it just take some and we'll go back there.

There's no way that party's still going?

Listen, let's have a few more glasses of free punch

and then we can head off, find a club open.

Deal?

Okay.

One hour and I'm gone.

Deal.

Oh, you should take it easy.

You're not gonna do your stomach cyst any good.

It's never bothered it before.

Listen mate, me and Sophie are going outside for a smoke.

You coming?

You know I packed in.

Anyway, I'm having too much fun in here.

Oh moan, moan, moan.

See you in a bit then bud.

Yeah.

Come on.

Who is it, that you are looking at?

Don't I fit into your posh git club.

Oh, bless you my dear.

I was just commenting on on your hair, with my husband.

You have such lovely hair for a young man.

When you're surrounded by white hair all night,

it's rather refreshing to see hair that isn't dead or fake.

I am so sorry.

It's okay dear.

It's okay.

You are correct though.

We are old gits.

Oh, you need to talk for yourself dear.

Yeah old git.

Please forgive me 'cause I'm really drunk.

Why don't you stay and have a drink with us

before your friends come back in?

It's very kind.

I'm gonna meet 'em,

'cause I could do some fresh air, you know.

All right dear.

Have a nice rest of the evening.

And happy birthday.

Thank you.

Where are they?

Sorry sir?

Can you let me out please?

I'm sorry sir, these doors are not in use this evening.

That's bullshit.

Let me out okay.

Tell me how I can.

Does anyone know the way out at his place?

Hello.

Do you know the way out of this place.

Hello.

Hello.

Help me, help me.

Fucking knew this.

Let me out.

Let me out this fucking building.

Let me, let me out.

Let me out this building.

Help me.

I wanna go home.

I can't fucking move.

You don't need to move.

You don't need to do anything ever again.

You have already done more than enough.

What are you talking about?

Why are there pictures of me everywhere?

Is this some kind of birthday surprise?

In a way, yes.

We're here to celebrate your coming of age.

Coming of age?

I'm 30, I don't know any of you lot, I can't fucking move.

Allow me to introduce ourselves.

We are the Gentleman of Horus.

I am number 38.

We are all numbers.

I am number 40.

Then get me number one because I need to go home.

You don't want to meet number one.

Please.

I just want to go home.

I can't move my body.

You won't be going home.

Your work stops here.

And may I say what a fine job you have done.

What are you talking about?

We've been there throughout your entire life.

The moment you were both born,

Christmas,

holidays to the seaside,

birthdays, first day at school.

We've been there in your good times

and we've been there in no bad times.

Whatever you did and wherever you went,

the Gentlemen were always watching.

Why?

Why am I so special?

Oh, it's not you who is special.

Although we are eternally grateful

for being the most excellent vessel for him.

A vessel for who?

Your brother.

Or as we know him as number 15.

Look,

I don't even have a brother.

This must still be a mistake.

It's a misunderstanding because I don't have a brother

and I just want to go home.

Please just let me go.

You have carried your brother for 30 years.

And now it is time for him to take his rightful place

in this earthly realm to rule as intended.

Who's that?

What's he gonna do?

What's he doing?

Nobody can hear you, I'm afraid.

Ladies and Gentlemen of Horus,

may we please extend our humble gratitude to Billy Parsons

for his sterling work.

That was a shot of morphine.

Should make you feel more relaxed.

Please help.

I won't tell anyone.

I swear, please, if you let me go,

I won't tell anyone. -Shh.

Why are you choosing me.

What's this?

Not all the gentlemen are flesh and blood.

This is number eight.

Inside him dwells a demon we cannot name.

May I again thank you on behalf of the gentleman

for your hospitality.

Number eight will now consume your soul.

Oh.

Help me.

Help me.

Let me out of here please.

Help me.

You're sick in the head mate.

You got all that from a skeleton found in the river.

It's called reading between the lines.

It's called bollocks.

It may well be.

But the B word, but,

sometimes if you look hard enough, you will get one right.

You just have to look.

Huh, sounds like a storm's closing in.

Eh, it won't be long now.

Have you got a TV?

A TD?

A TV, a television.

Oh, a television set,

no, no, no, I don't have one of them God awful things.

They make me dizzy.

Who needs a television when you have books.

But you ain't got no books.

A TV's handy for times like this

when you have to spend the whole evening

with a fucking fruitcake.

A TV helps me think.

Yeah but see the point Gooseberry,

a book teaches you how to think,

a television teaches you what to think.

Let's see what's next, shall we?

Aha.

Now we get to the wonder of the human brain.

How one tiny little shift can cause a normal human being

into doing not so normal things, despicable things,

while somehow still holding onto his sanity.

What's the headline.

"Police hunt for missing landlord."

On the vast wind swept moor,

a troubled soul treads his path.

A grim end awaits that plays through his head

like a recording.

His broken heart beats its final rhythm

as he takes his final journey.

Right, let's get you home, shall we sunshine?

Oh hello Kevin?

Hello Mrs. Bannister.

How's your George doing?

Oh, he's a lot better since he's at this new hip.

Oh, brilliant.

I ain't seen him about in ages.

Yeah, you send him my love, won't you?

I will Kevin, thank you.

Anyway I better let you go.

That looks heavy.

It is a bit.

You look after yourself, eh.

Watch how you go.

You all right, love?

Yeah, thanks.

They take forever these things, don't they?

Yeah.

Do you mind?

It weren't me.

It was.

Sorry.

Hello Kev.

All right, Trip.

Coming through.

Oh yeah.

Stands the majestic long-legged swan.

What later discovered to be false.

Let's get you tidied up, shall we, sunshine?

Hello.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you

to the newest member of the gang.

This is Fabio.

I'm sure you'll make him feel very welcome.

Fabio, welcome to the Super Smooth Gang.

Fabio, as a now distinguished member of the Smooth Gang,

you will receive all the benefits that go along with it.

One thing you will soon become accustomed to is this.

Every day is a party day.

There is no room for boredom in the SSG

nor sad faces nor people that just aren't fun.

You are all in the SSG because you are fun.

Right, any questions?

Yes, Sarah

Karaoke's at seven o'clock, Sarah,

I hope you can belt out another song.

You got a voice of an angel, me darling.

Yes, Reg?

Of course there will be beer.

You silly old sag.

It's a Tuesday.

You're gonna really enjoy yourself.

All right, dad?

Why aren't you at school?

I'm 33.

I know you're 33.

But you said you were gonna try and educate yourself.

You were gonna go back for a while

and learn to do something bloody useful.

What's in there?

A dead pigeon.

A dead pigeon?

Yeah.

What are you doing with a dead pigeon?

It's for Kev.

Well, what does Kev want a bloody dead pigeon for?

I don't know.

He just wanted it.

Well it be full of bloody disease, won't it?

I dunno, will it?

Of course it will, you bloody knob head.

Do you know what bird shit is called?

It's called guano.

And do you know it's a deadly poison?

You're carrying a bag of poison

around with you, you knob head.

Am I?

Yes.

You're as thick as bloody pig shit,

I don't know about pigeon shit.

Now get it out of here.

Where do I put it?

Take it outside and dump it.

And by the way, tell the other fella,

hasn't he got a father,

can't he pop in here every now and again

just to show me that he's still alive.

How's mum?

She's round the back.

Why don't you ask her sometime?

Be very nice for this bloody set eyes on you

once in a while.

Yeah, I'll give her a call.

Yes, good.

Can I have a packet of chicken crisps please?

Oh.

Here, that's all I've got.

Uh, could I borrow your bike?

No, you can't borrow me bloody bike.

What happened the last time you took it?

Come back with no bloody mud guards and a puncture.

Walk, you lazy bastards.

Psst, psst.

Oy, John.

Oy John.

I thought you were an alien.

No, mate.

I brought you a pigeon.

Ah, cheers mate.

Dead?

Yeah.

Oh, that's a shame.

You still want it?

Yeah mate.

Any, any look yet?

Nah, nothing yet John.

It's just an high bridge.

It's not really a suicide hotspot.

Just for, you know, I'll give it a go.

Oh, this looks promising.

Ah.

Must have had a change of heart, bless him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've gotta go get some nibbles for tonight.

You coming round about seven?

Yeah.

I'll see, I'll see you later, Kev.

See you later mate?

Doors closing.

Its diet consists of small fish,

roach, perch and signets.

It uses its long. -Did you know

they found sparrows living and breeding

2000 feet underground in coal mines.

Very adaptable creatures.

I like the yellow ones.

What, them budgie things.

Yeah.

You still got that picture I gave you?

Where's my manners?

John, meet Gerald.

Gerald, meet John.

Close by on the riverbank.

All right Gerald?

What do you reckon?

He's good.

Pleasure to meet you.

See friends already.

Sweet.

Here, I've gotta crack on with doing

a bit of sewing and swapping about.

Help yourself to a cow biscuit.

All right folks,

we need to swap these arms around, don't we?

A change is as good as a rest, as they say.

Slow martial arts.

Deserts.

All right Kev?

All sorted mate.

Just gotta do a bit more swapping around a bit later.

Do you want a hand with that?

You are joking, aren't you?

Do you remember what happened last time?

You all right, Leroy, you having a good day?

Who is it?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

It's Mr. Sims.

The landlord?

Yeah.

I ain't paid this month's rent.

You've gotta pay rent for this?

Yeah, of course you have.

You don't get nothing for free, you know John.

What about that lot?

Don't worry about them.

We can sort that now.

You wash and I'll dry.

Not the dishes, Kev, the gang.

Nothing like with having a few friends

staying over, sunshine.

Oh, he's gone.

The common sparrow often over feed their young

to get them through the long winter months.

Bugs, spiders and pastures

taking refuge and chimneys.

♪ I got chin hairs braided but the thinner one ♪

♪ I just take one off the shelf and it screws right back on ♪

♪ I don't know why I, I'm made this way ♪

♪ I don't know which head I'm wearing today ♪

♪ I got the wrong head baby well you better run ♪

♪ I got 10 heads baby but they're better than one ♪

♪ I got a sensible head that I hardly wear ♪

♪ I got a dream in hell with too much wear and tear ♪

♪ Well my handsome head's gonna give you a start ♪

♪ Well my frugal hand don't commit to my heart ♪

♪ But I got 10 heads baby and they're better than one ♪

♪ I got 10 heads baby but they're better than one ♪

♪ I got 10 heads baby but they're better than one ♪

♪ I got 10 heads

Hello Mr. Sims.

How are you doing?

Look about his month's rent.

Right, listen up everybody.

I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.

The bad news is the party's over.

The good news is we're going on holiday.

Yes, that's right.

Pack your trunks, your mankinis, your bikinis,

grab your Factor 10, we're going to Rhyl.

Yes.

Hello, hello.

Hello, hello.

Right, listen up everybody.

We got a two hour drive

and we're gonna try and take a toilet stop along the way.

I know some of you ain't too good

at keeping the smelly stuff in.

Mention no names, Sheena.

Anyway, this is now the party bus.

So I want to hear everyone singing.

One, two, a one, two, three, four.

♪ We're going two Rhyl

♪ We're going two Rhyl

♪ The Super Smooth Gang is going too Rhyl ♪

Hit it John.

What are they up to now?

And then after these.

Have you seen this a lot Marge?

Have you seen these two?

I'm not even gonna say anything.

Where's your imagination, Goose bump?

For almost every article you read,

there is always a backstory.

Bloody dancing corpses.

It never happened Harold.

They probably found the landlord a week later,

shacked up with some bird.

Dancing corpses in this case, yes,

but you may get a front page headline

that doesn't even have a story, let alone a backstory.

Nonsense sells papers, Goose.

Maybe you should write one hey.

Maybe I should Gooseberry.

If you call me something other than Goose one more time,

I swear to God you'll be dead by 3:00 a.m.

You young people are so serious these days.

We used to have such fun with names.

Horrid Harold is what they used to call me

before I was a number.

So with a name like Goose, you would've been very popular.

I'll tell you one more time, yeah.

Goose isn't my real name.

Fucking Nora.

Well I like Goose.

It's fun.

I like fun names.

Have you got any alcohol or anything like that?

Yes, there's some brandy on the shelf I believe.

All right, what bullshit story are you reading next then?

Oh, you want more, do you?

No, I don't.

Do you know before I got here,

I felt a little bit guilty about taking money

off a disabled old man.

With every passing minute and fucking bullshite story,

I actually feel happy about it.

Good, good.

Now, now let's see what we can find.

Right here we go.

The headline reads,

"Local jazz band told to keep down the noise."

What's it called?

Terror from the Skies.

Course it is.

It was a cold November afternoon.

A lone vehicle rides across the wilderness plane

seeking its destination.

Its young occupants oblivious

to the horrors that lay ahead.

Have you not found it yet?

Gimme a chance.

I'm trying to find where we are.

We're lost, that's where we are.

Oh, you think these are the,

you are here, mark on this maps.

You know what I mean?

Anyway, shut up.

We're in the middle of nowhere.

So a hotel should actually stick up like sore thumb.

You've been here before, haven't you?

Yeah,

when I was three.

Can we just not go?

Vital I told team bonding, Bob.

Yeah, with a bunch of people we've never met before.

Offices we're never gonna see again.

It's a load of bollocks.

Yeah I know it is.

Just think of it as a free holiday.

Amazing.

There you go.

Glenside Hotel, three miles down this road.

Good lad.

See you can use your maps and SAT NAVs and stuff,

but all you really need is your eyes.

Hang on, what time is it?

Just after four.

Bit early, aren't we?

What time's the meet?

Seven.

Let's go fishing.

Let's not.

I second fishing.

Glenside Caves.

I wanna see them.

Why?

Uh, 'cause it'd be fun.

Can we fish in it?

You can't fish in a cave, John.

Why not?

Because it's a cave.

I tell you what,

you guys go, I'll stay in the car and get pissed.

Team bonding, Bob.

As Mr. Newton says, "A team is built on."

"Experience, attributes and trust."

He also said that all spiders

were politicians in a previous life.

Oh, he's right there.

He's a dick.

This doesn't look much fun, does it?

Not really.

You reckon there's any bats in that cave?

I hope not.

I don't like bats.

Come on.

Oh God.

All right.

Can I help you?

Yeah, we're going to see the cave.

Sorry, we closed.

Last tour was 20 minutes ago.

Come back in the morning, we open at half past nine.

Yes.

Bob.

Eh, please.

We'll just be 10 minutes and we'll go.

Come on mate, she won't shut up about it otherwise.

Okay, 10 minutes.

When you're finished, give me a knock.

Okay?

Make sure you grab a helmet on your way in.

And be careful.

Okay.

Yes.

Cheers.

Thanks.

Oh it's so beautiful.

Look at that one.

It's just a rock.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

It's the same as all the others.

There's no fish in here.

Oh, it's cold.

I'm bored.

Can we go?

We've been in here a while now.

Oh, will you stop moaning.

What's that?

Is that an earthquake?

Dunno, but it sounds like something's falling.

It's getting louder.

We need to get out of here.

Oh God, is it gonna cave in.

Shit, we gotta get outta here.

Jon, my lights gone out.

Go.

Go, get out.

Let's not do that again.

Hello.

Where is he?

Hello.

Jesus.

Let's just go.

Yeah.

Oh, what now?

What the hell?

What's up with it?

Are we out to petrol?

No, there was over half a tank left.

This day just keeps on giving.

What the hell?

No signal.

No nothing.

No, same here.

And here.

How'd we get stuck?

What are we gonna do?

Anyone with the RAC?

How are you gonna get hold of them?

Shout.

Use the phone in the ticket office.

No, we'll be waiting hours for them to come.

It's gonna be dark soon.

I vote we walk to the hotel

and we'll just sort it out in the morning.

Yeah.

Think of the exercise, Bob.

I am thinking of the exercise.

This is so beautiful.

Dee, don't you ever get pissed off?

Why would I?

Would you rather be back at work cooped up in a office?

I'd rather be cooped up in the pub.

I second that.

Yeah.

You two should learn to embrace nature.

You need to learn to embrace a pint.

What's that?

A plane maybe.

Weird.

Come on, let's go.

Well, here we are.

Wow, it looks amazing.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Where is everyone?

I don't know.

I'm not having this.

Bob.

Bob.

Hello.

Hello.

Anything?

No, nobody about, nothing.

Same here.

We could be getting pranked.

Well if we are, it's not funny.

It's like everyone just buggered off.

Maybe that was an earth.

Hang on.

Quake.

There it is again.

That was not an earthquake.

No.

A siren, an evacuation siren.

Where are we gonna evacuate too?

We're in the mountains.

Back inside?

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah.

Where did you find the lighter?

Oh, that was just in the coat pocket in the kitchen.

So where have they gone and left everything behind.

Suitcases, phones, everything.

Have you guys checked that phone again?

Yeah.

Nothing.

It's dead.

Hey, it's all right.

It's not though, is it?

Something's going on, something really weird.

Yeah, I checked a couple of the cars outside.

They were dead too.

See, what's that all about?

First the noises,

then the abandoned cars,

the empty hotel.

Just can't believe this is happening.

Look, would you like one of us to go get some help?

We're in the middle of nowhere, Bob.

Closest town's 30 miles away.

We've got everything we need here.

I say we wait it out.

Well yeah, everything except electricity,

any means to contact the outside world.

Can we just, can we just not talk about it, please?

I just wanna get my head straight.

Anyone for a beer?

This silence is killing me.

Yeah, I'm not in the mood for small talk.

No, it's not that.

It's like the volume on the earth's been turned down.

It's creepy.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

You'll see in the morning,

everything will be back to normal.

And it's all just been a dream.

Yeah, I'll drink to that.

Oh my God.

What's that?

The noises.

I know what this is.

Jon, come on.

Bob wait, I think it's something else.

Bob wait, I think it's something else.

Wait.

Where is it?

Guys, where's the moon?

Oh it hurts.

Yeah, I might have guessed it'd been about aliens.

Utter shit.

Who's to say?

Me.

But you can't rule out the possibility Goose Chase.

I already did.

It never happened.

And don't you dare fucking call me Goose Chase.

Put the tummy gun down.

You're not gonna shoot an old man in a wheelchair.

Yeah, that's better.

You see, now we're friends again, just like before.

I used to have tantrums when I was a boy,

you will grow out of it.

Sounds like it's almost on top of us.

You could always stay the night, if you wish.

What is going on in your brain

to make you think that that would ever happen?

It's half hour 'til 3:00 a.m. and I'm off

with the rest of my money.

Well, well yes, you're doing very well.

Time for one last story perhaps, before you have to go.

Oh, there's nothing I'd like more, Harold.

Just get my money ready, yeah.

Don't worry, my little golden Goose,

your money's right here in my pocket.

Hurry up with it.

Right, let's see.

Well here we go, the final story of the night.

Ooh, let's do this one,

"Woman found dead after seemingly being savaged by dogs."

Lemme guess.

King Kong.

It was silent in the dark forest,

the mist lay on the ground and the full moon shone brightly,

casting shadows on the beasts that dwelt within.

Well that warmed the cockles.

Mm.

We should add the oxtail now.

Not nice?

Nah, bit too tomato-like for me.

That's tomato soup for you.

Well, it's warmed me on the inside

and that's the important thing.

You know what?

We could stay another night.

I'm not due back at work for two days.

Peter, I can't.

I promised to our Shane I'd go and see him at the bingo.

What?

How's that going for him, enjoying it?

Yeah, bless him, he loves it.

Hey look.

Bought them with his first week's wage.

He's made lots of new friends.

I might have to go myself.

Could do with a laugh.

Hey, don't be so horrible.

Like see you get up on stage in front of a hundred people.

As if I'd be a bingo caller.

Dunno why your Shane is.

Barely says a word at home.

Yeah well, it's the meds isn't it?

And he can't come off them

or he'd have another one of his moments.

He's a strange one that lad.

Yeah, well he's my son

and we are going to support him, okay.

How about, we make another one,

a proper one, one that works.

He does work?

I mean in the head.

Don't be so bloody horrible.

No, don't, don't.

What the hell was that?

No idea.

Sounded like some wild animal.

Like a bear or something.

A bear?

This is England.

It's either a dog or some kids messing about.

Go and see what it is.

You go see what it is.

You're good with dogs.

Go on.

Here,

shove it off with this.

Here doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy, doggy.

Peter.

What happened, are you all right?

Help me.

Did you find the dog?

Two swans swimming, 22.

All the fours, 44.

Unlucky for some, 13.

Oh, we have a call for a house.

Steve, please check the numbers.

No?

Please don't call out unless you've made all the numbers,

everybody okay.

Please double check.

Okay, we carry on.

On its own, number six.

So what's the problem, officers?

I'm afraid we have some bad news.

Bad news?

Would you like a drink?

-No, no thank you Mr. Lymer. -I'm okay, thanks.

I've got, I've got tea, coffee, water, lemonade, milk.

No.

-No. -Yes.

I'm going to make a drink.

What would you like, please?

Well, if, just a small black coffee, then please.

And, and, and for you?

Glass of water would be lovely.

Mr. Lymer, we.

Mr. Lymer.

Bad news.

Make a drink.

Make a drink

There you go.

Ah, bugger.

It's lovely day, officers.

Mr. Lymer, we have to inform you

that your mother passed away last night.

Would you like some soup?

Mr. Lymer.

How?

How did she die?

I'm afraid we can't say at this point.

But we also have to inform you

that your stepfather's missing.

Can I see the body?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Please.

I need to see her.

Are you sure about this Mr. Lymer?

Yes.

It's my mom.

How did this happen?

I'm afraid, we don't know at this point.

It could be wild animals.

We need to investigate further.

Will you be needing a ride home mate?

No thank you.

I'll walk.

Will he be okay?

I need to practice my bingo for tomorrow.

I'm a bingo caller.

Hi.

My name's Steve.

What's your name?

My name is Shane.

Do you believe in werewolves?

I haven't got any money.

I didn't ask you about money.

I said do you believe in werewolves?

No, I don't believe in werewolves.

Really?

You know what?

Your mother didn't either, nor your dad.

He wasn't my dad.

What do you know about my mother?

What do you mean werewolves?

Watch the moon.

I will come looking for you.

When the moon is full,

the last person you will want to see is me.

Good night mum.

So yeah, playing bingo with the old gits then, are you?

I'm a caller.

A what?

A caller, I'm a bingo caller.

Uh.

Like, two fat ladies and all that?

Yeah, proper, proper bad about that murder, eh?

Proper gruesome.

Git torn about good and proper apparently.

Can you speak about something else, please?

All right, keep your jacket on.

Somebody you know?

Yes.

I mean, no.

Oy, get in here you.

Hi Mo.

All right Shane.

I'm sorry I'm late. Mr. Kankel.

Have I got mug written on my forehead?

No, Mr. Kankel.

Look when you're working here,

it's under my watch and my rules.

I don't care what you do the minute you leave this building,

but I do care when you come stumbling in,

20 minutes late for work.

This happens again, the only balls you'll be holding

and that fat bastards down at the job center.

Go easy Mr. Kankel, his mom's just died.

Who asked you Mo?

Aren't you supposed to be fixing that calling stand?

I'm waiting for Allan keys.

Can I go please Mr. Kankel?

Not yet.

Mo, piss off.

All right, now this is your final warning.

Now get out there and some calling

otherwise there'll be someone else for your job.

Go on.

Mr. Kankel.

Oh, get on the way.

Good evening everybody, it's Friday night

and that means it's time for?

Bingo.

Bingo.

Who's ready to play?

I can't hear you.

Who's ready to play?

Yes.

Okay, without further ado, you know what to do.

Shane's got the lingo, let's play bingo.

So we'll do as we do every week and start with a line.

If you get one, please shout clearly

and Steve will come and check the card for you.

Okay, eyes down for a line.

Your first number tonight is three and seven, 37.

90.

Yes.

Seven and four, 74.

All the fours, 44.

On its own number six.

Two little ducks, 22.

Oh.

Sorry.

Yes.

Eight, eight and one, 81.

I'm sorry everybody.

I feel a little bit hot.

Oh, sorry, I don't feel very well.

Yes.

Four and two, 24.

Four,

two and four, 24.

I'm sorry everybody, I don't feel very well.

Can you get Mr. Kankel for me please?

I don't, I don't feel very well.

Mr. Kankel.

I'm not very well, everybody.

I don't feel very well.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Mr. Kankel, I don't, I don't feel very well.

Somebody could please get Mr. Kankel for me, please.

Mr. Kankel.

I think he's having a heart attack.

Somebody, help me please.

You all right, love?

Oy, dickhead, get out, you're sacked.

Joe, Mickey.

What the fuck?

Oh, she was savaged by dogs.

Dogs?

No, no, no.

It was obviously a werewolf then.

Who's to say that this

or any of my other stories tonight are real?

Right, pay up old man, I'm off.

You still have five minutes left yet to keep me alive.

You're such a fidgety little man, aren't you?

Anyway, there's someone I would like you to meet.

I thought you said no one else was coming.

Don't worry.

It's not a person.

You're walking.

Your powers of observation are a credit to you, Mongoose.

What's that?

What's that?

Gimme my money man.

There's a couple of minutes left.

Allow me to introduce to you number 15.

What have you done for me?

That's typical of your generation,

always someone else to blame your own actions.

I can't move my legs.

What have you done to me?

I can't move my legs.

Calm down and I shall explain.

Every year on this very date, at this very time,

number 15 requires a human soul.

If you were not here, he would take mine.

And I don't want that to happen.

The ad I placed in the newspaper

was only to attract a drag of society.

That's nothing against yourself, Goose Bump.

But I am assuming you would be almost completely untraceable

if you went missing.

I kept you alive, Harold.

Calm down.

I'm so sorry it has to be this way, Goose Pimple,

but I'm afraid it is the only way.

It's a shame you didn't read between the lines

while you still could.

When I get out of this chair,

I'm gonna fucking kill you, Harold.

Gimme my money.

Easy.

Also, allow me to introduce myself.

I'm a man of wealth and,

thank you for keeping me alive Mr. Goose.

Number 15 will now consume your soul.

Lemme out.

Lemme.

♪ Well I got me a girl who's really hot ♪

♪ Oh you don't miss her, you better not ♪

♪ Well she looks as sweet as cherry pie ♪

♪ Well if you don't cross her

♪ She'll blow sky high

♪ She'll smile

♪ Oh don't you be misled

♪ Well my pretty baby is all my blue pack ♪

♪ Well, she goes off, like running in the wild outta space ♪

♪ Where the fire and flames all over the place ♪

♪ A needle breaks on her pressure gauge ♪

♪ She rings down to you will have a bloody race ♪

♪ She'll smile

♪ Oh don't you be misled

♪ Well my pretty baby is all flatter and again ♪

♪ She knows

♪ Ow

♪ She will plan her game inside her head ♪

♪ Woo, won't I spot you're better dead ♪

♪ Don't mess with her

♪ Don't play no games

♪ If you can't take her burning flames ♪

♪ She'll smile

♪ Oh don't you be misled

♪ Well my pretty baby is all flatter and again ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ She does off like a rabbit in the wild outta space ♪

♪ Where the fire and flames all over the place ♪

♪ The needle breaks on the pressure gauge ♪

♪ She rings down to you will have a bloody race ♪

♪ She'll smile

♪ Oh don't you be misled

♪ Well my pretty baby is all flatter and again ♪

♪ Well once you've lit that tiny fuse ♪

♪ There's no way back, you're gonna lose ♪

♪ The pressure's building up inside ♪

♪ Creatures better run and hide ♪

♪ She'll smile

♪ Oh don't you be misled

♪ Well my pretty baby is all flatter and again ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ She goes off, like running in the wild outta space ♪

♪ Where the fire and flames all over the place ♪

♪ A needle breaks on her pressure gauge ♪

♪ She rings down to you will have a bloody race ♪

♪ She'll smile

♪ Oh don't you be misled

♪ Well

Call Mr. Kankel.

♪ Too close to the sun

♪ What you got

♪ What we got is love

♪ And I know

♪ It's you and me

♪ And I know

♪ We are

♪ Unbreakable

♪ We are

♪ Undeniable

You're missing the point, Gooseberry.

Happy birthday dear.

My name's Steve.

Nothing like with having a few friends

staying over, sunshine.

♪ Yeah they call me crazy

♪ But I think that's the thing that she wants to know ♪

♪ Well all the lies, lies, lies ♪

♪ Getting spread around here, everywhere I go ♪

♪ We gonna pin my head

♪ 'Cause I feel like we're all just wasting away ♪

♪ Well come on everybody stand your ground ♪

♪ Lemme hear you say

♪ We're not the same as you

♪ We don't like the things that you do ♪

♪ We're gonna flash you with nothing to lose ♪

♪ We aren't the words they call us ♪

♪ We stand tall, we're proud of our past ♪

♪ We are the people with nothing to prove ♪

♪ Well they so mad about me

♪ And he's never really given me the reasons why ♪

♪ It's all take, take, take with your money ♪

♪ And they're all just bleeding me dry ♪

♪ I gotta play in my head

♪ 'Cause I feel that we're all just wasting away ♪

♪ Well come on everybody and stand your ground ♪

♪ And lemme hear you say

♪ We're not the same as you

♪ We don't like the things that you do ♪

♪ We're gonna flash you with nothing to lose ♪

♪ We aren't the words they call us ♪

♪ We stand tall, we're proud of our past ♪

♪ We are the people with nothing to prove ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Whoa, oh, oh

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ We're not the same as you

♪ We don't like the things that you do ♪

♪ We're gonna flash you with nothing to lose ♪

♪ We aren't the words they call us ♪

♪ We stand tall, we're proud of our past ♪

♪ We are the people with nothing to prove ♪

♪ Nothing to prove

♪ Nothing to prove

♪ Nothing to prove

Walk, you lazy bastards.