Original subtitles

Then congrats on finding one. Why is there an alarm on a secret passageway?

Because that secret passageway leads to the forbidden wing.

Installed the alarm myself. How do we turn it off?

Okay, see you guys later.

You're not going into something called the forbidden wing. Also, why is it

called the forbidden wing?

That's what the ghost vote landed on. I was a fan of the dark place, but our

vote got split with pranksters voting for cuck town.

I mean, why is it forbidden?

Oh, you know, it's old, it's dark. It's home to a mysterious evil that consumes

all humans and ghosts who enter.

Never got around to dealing with it while I was corporeal. Hey, another

you never finished.

Name one project I never finished. Hedge maze.

Growing in nicely.

Yeah, we're boarding this up. Oh, I have the email of a contractor who could

help. He's super cheap because he was convicted of... You know what? He's just

super cheap.

Wow. Wow, haven't checked this since I died. Let's see. Party invite, party

invite.

Shouldn't have died so close to barbecue season. Wait a minute. Why is there an

email from Mom sent after you died?

You emailed your dead brother?

Yeah, we don't need to read that.

Yeah, we don't need to, but we want to.

I don't. Why not? Because I obviously never meant for anyone to read it.

What's Spooky Boys Productions?

Open it! Open it! Catherine, why aren't you opening it?

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! A big -time reality show wants to film an

episode in the hotel!

What's the show?

Ghost Hunters.

According to my research, the caddy drowned in the lake behind this shed.

about a water hazard.

Jib, you picking anything up? EMF readings are off the charts. I'd say

looking at a par -boo.

I cannot explain that. I rate this encounter three ghosts.

Boo, boo, boo.

Oh, I'd be great on this show. I'd have a nickname like the squirrel, and I'd be

super unreliable.

You said you read the book that would break the curse.

I kept it. Damn it, squirrel.

I'm going to be so good on TV.

Why would you want to be shrunk down and trapped in the prison box?

I'm sorry. Is that what you think TV is?

Abaddon, a TV isn't a prison. It's more like a book, but with pictures sending

messages of love and friendship and graphic true crime across the world.

messages? Meaning I could use TV to transmit my message across the globe?

Beginning a new horde of disciples to do my unholy bidding?

Probably.

Just goes to show, you send enough emails to random reality shows, good

happen.

Dear Jessica!

Except this isn't happening.

There are a million ways shooting a TV show in a haunted hotel could backfire.

We could lose business.

Look, I just don't want to turn the hotel into a gimmick for the amusement

million people.

Yeah, and this isn't even one of the classic episodes like haunted theme park

racism apology.

10 million people. Oh, even if a fraction of them come to visit, the

collapse. I'm in.

But we're doing this my way, not just winging it and giving up halfway

I can see that's a shot at me. And we'll think of a comeback later. We need to

curate this experience.

Our best ghost doing their spookiest bits.

We need... Ghost auditions! I'm a shoo -in. I'm the only ghost in this hotel

is in talkies. Aside from that Shirley Temple wannabe, Jillian Demure.

I'm just a peanut, a little baby peanut, looking for my shell.

Ben, slam the door in her face. Ben? Ben!

Sorry, I was lost in thought. A heavy thought, now that you ask. What should I

sing? The obvious choice is Little Jazz Bird from the hit musical Lady Be Good.

But what if everyone sings that?

Speaking of asking each other for advice, you know my bully, Zef? So his

are splitting up, and apparently tormenting me is the only way he can,

feel normal.

Ben, you'll be bullied forever.

Auditions are in one hour. You're right. Tabling my needs until your needs are

met in full.

Thank you for coming. As you know, we need ghosts to appear in a TV show.

going for a classic haunting, scary but fun scary.

Which means no murderers or perverts or pervert murderers.

Not too late to keep the perverts. At least we've got Nathan.

Not a pervert and proud of it. But I also can't be on TV.

What? This was your idea. It was my idea for the hotel to be on TV. I have stage

fright. Also, Mom thinks I'm dead. Hey, where am I? buried, by the way.

Let's make some of these ghosts famous.

I'm a ghost trapped in this beautiful hotel with spacious cozy rooms.

Is this how you think ghosts talk? It's how I want ghosts to talk. Well, what if

I write a script telling you how to talk? Next.

Stabby. Stabby. Not the line, Stabby Paul.

Stabby. Stabby. Next.

This is a confusing backstory.

Am I crazy or is this sort of good?

Is that what he wanted to do? Next!

I mean, you were a therapist before you drowned all those llamas. How do I make

someone pay attention to my needs?

Okay, catch you later, man.

Maybe there's a book that can help.

Hmm.

This would make an incredible diary.

Dear diary, it's Ben.

How are you? I'm good. Could be better.

Do you want to talk about it? Wait, are you responding to

me? Yes, I'm an enchanted book.

And I'm enchanted to meet you. No, dumb.

Easy with the pen, dude. Sorry.

Anyway, I'm sure you have more important ways to fill your pages than with teen

love troubles.

Ben, that's what my pages are for.

What's on your mind?

Okay, well, stop me if this is familiar, but my ghost girlfriend is too

distracted by reality show casting to hear about my bully's parents' marital

problems. That killer is still on the loose and I won't lose you like I lost

your brother to the Prussians. What was in that email you sent me? I don't want

to talk about this right now or ever.

God gave me these ankles for a reason, Mom.

What if we talk about it once and then never again? There's nothing to talk

about. A grief counselor made me send you an email as a therapeutic exercise.

said I miss you and can't wait to play Scrabble in heaven.

Now I want to read it even more. Then I get some big silence!

I am trying to make magic.

Amateurs. You all deserve Jillian Demure.

Next.

That's everyone?

This isn't hard, people. Just drift in and go, boo, I'm a ghost. I moan all

night, scream all day, and love licking the lobby fruit bowl for some reason.

The ghost hunters are here. You're all hired. Make the lobby spooky and keep

your clothes on.

Built in 1873, the Undervale Hotel has hosted kings, presidents, and dozens

dozens of people who were never seen again. It's truly the gem of New York,

you only count upstate. Not much, state.

What's up with you? Did you just think of that? Cut.

Scratch that take. It's rubbish.

Better we get this at magic hour anyway.

I want a Malick feel. Wow, you do not sound like your on -screen personas.

It's called TV magic, love.

He called me love.

Any notes for me?

I'm Esther, by the way. He can call me the squirrel.

I'm a bit of a wild card. Welcome!

Sorry for the interruption.

I can see you're professional, like me. Too bad I run a hotel filled with

ghosts. Let's go see them!

Was that on camera? I can do it again.

We're good. Well, if you're good, I'm good.

Come on in. Be careful you don't trip over all the ghosts.

What is it, a ghost holiday?

Guys, you can come out now.

Oh, there's this guy with knives who jumps out at this clock.

Time flies when you're dead.

You know, the episodes tend to work best when the owner is off screen. You heard

the man. We've got work to do. Sorry about her.

Nathan, where are the ghosts?

If I had to guess, I'd say they're on strike after your incredibly insulting

ghost impression.

But I don't have to guess because they're glaring at you right now.

Hey, ghost hunters, ghosts, up there, right now.

Oh, yes, I see them too, love. Very spooky.

So he just calls everyone love? Here's the plan. Abaddon, put the camera down.

I'll push you down.

Ben, get Annabelle down here. Nathan, I'll let you read my email if you get

other ghosts to come back. Esther, mingle with Lonnie and Jib so they

what I bring to the show dynamic.

Go do your homework. Lonnie, let's shoot. This bird!

Uh,

sorry, what's that?

Oh, just a normal book.

But, but, uh, hey, what are you gonna do?

I'm going to vacuum.

EMF reader, huh? I'm a bit of a ghost hunter myself.

Truly precious, but not as precious as our equipment, which you should not

or even look at.

Thanks for being a fan. Stay ghoul.

They blew me off?

Oh, I'll stay cool.

I'll stay very cool.

You're just in time. See, in a normal hotel, you vacuum up dust bunnies, but

here we vacuum dust monsters.

Hang on. Hello?

Is this a sympathy strike?

I'm vacuuming! Get your purple ass out here and attack me!

This is bad TV.

I've never been so disrespected.

Ben, if you love me, you'll push your mother down the stairs.

Mm -hmm. Another idea. You do my mom a personal favor by appearing on a TV

No one in this century understands me!

Are you still there?

You've reached this magic diary's answering machine.

I'm screwing with you. What's up?

Not much.

Sup with you.

Come on, Ben. It's me. I know you write slow when you're lying.

Is it something with Annabelle?

I just feel like I can't tell her things.

So tell them to me.

I worry if we broke up, she'd move on to that World War I pilot who's always

flirting with me. She constantly walks in on me peeing. Even though I've told

her that's my special time. I mean, how am I supposed to have my dream church

wedding if the bride can't leave the hotel?

That sounds hard, Ben. She said that. You sound handsome. I think shorts are

super cool.

Favorite shark on three. One, two, three.

Mako!

Classic scary ghosts of the undervale.

Right now, at this very moment, an episode of television is being shot in

hotel above us. Which is why we can no longer be consumed by our petty

differences. By who gets to haunt what. Or who insulted who with what was

frankly a pretty good impression. We need to rise above that. Rise through

floor. Rise to the challenge. And if we do our jobs right, we will no longer see

TV as a thing we watch.

We'll see it as a thing we were on one time.

Really?

No, Inglis. None of you?

Ah, dang it. That speech was bueno.

Legend has it that the bellhop killed his wife, cut her up, and put the pieces

in a guest's luggage.

Explain that to TSA.

More like CSA.

Corpse, suitcase, ah!

Come on, they're talking about you. Just go introduce yourself.

Sorry, I have to go lick the fruit bowl in the lobby since that's apparently all

ghosts do.

Cut! Did you just throw a book at me?

Uh, no.

They're frauds! Lonnie is British, Jim hates his fans!

Bad news, none of the ghosts are coming. Good news, I'm gonna learn Spanish.

Enough! We are trying to shoot art! Wait, where's my camera?

Someone grab that anachronistic boy.

Maybe been convinced, Annabelle. Now my fifth most common reoccurring dream

is... Annabelle, it's not what it looks like.

Which I guess is just journaling.

It's what it looks like and nothing more. Really? Because it looks like

confiding hopes and dreams to the spirit inside of a book.

Wow, that was a really good guess. I don't have to guess. I've been watching

have an emotional affair with this hard -covered tramp for the last ten minutes.

It's not an affair if it's a book. I've heard that before.

What does this book have that I don't? You don't like this? Or this?

Or these?

Maybe I need more than ghost ankles.

My diary listens to me. I can tell it what I want.

You could have told me.

I didn't even know you had one recurring dream.

Enjoy the book while it lasts. There's only a few pages left.

All right, small.

All right, small.

Hey, you fellas want to see a room full of wrath?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're leaving?

What about the episode?

Oh, there'll be an episode. About the worst haunted hotel we've ever seen.

We're giving you no ghosts. Also, we're still missing a camera. What happened to

that boy who looked like he's from the past?

Greetings, potential slaves.

I am the Cobra King.

Let's get into it.

We'll bill you for the camera.

No, no, wait.

There's one last place you need to see. I wasn't going to tell you because it's

incredibly dangerous, and I didn't think you could handle it. Are you seriously

trying to use reverse psychology? Like hell we can't handle it. What up, y

We're here checking out the forbidden wing. And we're not talking about a hot

wing that fell in the toilet. How are they so popular?

Your email was a list of things you're mad at me about?

You read the email.

Wait, how did you even open it? He asked, and I love drama.

I hate that you left me a dying parrot when you went to college.

I hate that you only came to visit when you needed money. I hate the way you

flipped over Scrabble tiles to pretend they were blanks, and then the words

weren't even good. So you didn't want to play Scrabble with me in heaven?

Nathan, I told you that email was a therapeutic exercise.

What therapist tells you to send an email to a dead guy with things you're

mad at him about? Technically, the exercise was to email things I missed

you, but I got sidetracked.

Is that the forbidden wing?

No. I mean, I don't think so. All these hallways look alike. When I say four,

you say bitten.

Four. Bitten. Four. Bitten. You sent them to the forbidden wing slash dark

slash cut down?

You said there was a mysterious evil in there. That's their whole thing. We need

to get them out of there. Might be too late for that.

Dude, what is that?

Ah, ghost on camera. I win.

Still, ghost on camera.

Psh, emotional affair.

Give me a break.

Annabelle died before therapy even existed.

She wouldn't know an emotional affair if it made her a playlist based on an

inside joke. Oh my God, it's an emotional affair.

Wait, what? Look, man, I'm no expert. I'm just a guy that got trapped in a

by a witch. But it's obvious you have issues advocating for yourself.

Wait, you're a guy?

Because you told me you were a magic book.

What's the difference?

I'm not comfortable being vulnerable with men. Or anyone.

Why are you so afraid of asking for what you want?

Because if she doesn't like what I want, she might leave.

Oh, then let her.

Take it from someone who's heard all your secrets. You're enough just the way

you are. But also, that toe thing isn't just part of puberty. See a doctor.

You're right. Thank you, diary.

Anytime. Now, if you fill this last page, the curse will be broken, and I

finally... I've got it from here, friend.

It's quiet.

Maybe they're fine.

That's what you get for disrespecting the squirrel.

Esther, go to the lobby and guide us from the monitors. Nathan?

What? You want to complain about how I called their parents by their first

all of high school?

Just come with me.

Because I never heard Bob and Diane complain!

It

just

keeps going.

Big as this wing. Not as big as the grudge you held against me. Oh, there's

in here. Esther, where am I going? I see you on Chip's camera. It's right ahead

of you.

Where are they? It latched onto his head.

Where am I?

Who am I?

Ah, man, I'm a brunette.

Lonnie, what happened?

It sucked out his memories. What did?

Probably him.

Order? This is such an unflattering gun. Shut up about your hands.

Why he

doesn't want to see you. Go crash another

biplane.

Ben, I've never heard you talk like that.

Because I never say what I want. But you know what? Here goes.

I want to do a couple's Halloween costume. I want to find a way to take

school dance.

I want someone to deliver a huge bouquet of flowers to my classroom at school so

everyone's like, whoa, who's the lucky fella? And then the lucky fella is me.

And I want to fight that World War I fighter pilot who clearly has a thing

you because you're the only person I want to have an emotional affair with.

You had me at huge bouquet of flowers.

What do you mean, World War I?

Which way is the exit? I thought you were keeping track while I was busy

mad.

Just keep running!

Kathy,

in case we die, I absolutely did invent the phrase, as if. Also, I forgive you.

You forgive me? You told the kids Ron and I were splitting up before I did. I

needed to vent!

I'm being chased by a monster that eats memories. In case it gets me, here are

all the most famous people I've had sex with.

Dame Judy. Help me up.

You are a ghost, a whole lot.

It sure is dark in here, eh?

Wait, so he was Canadian pretending to be British pretending to be American?

Why? The masks we wear, huh?

Over here!

It's the squirrel!

Don't encourage this career path.

doing it's eating the camera's memories no kathy just leave it it's the only

camera left so what i can't just give up uh yes you can look i had to hear your

problems with me here's your problem you can't let anything go i mean even after

i died you had to send an email complaining about how i didn't invent

milk because you didn't it doesn't matter just let it go let it go

Good news, gang.

Annabelle has agreed to be in the episode.

Don't you remember?

You guys run a scholarship fund for precocious girls who you treat with

That does sound like us. Who are us again?

Adorable. Hey, have a sticker.

Done.

What's this?

The email I should have sent.

Things I like about my brother.

He believes in me even when I don't. You don't have to read it out loud.

Everyone!

Hey, if any followers of the Cobra come to the hotel, that's for me. I uploaded

his video. It already has two views.

One view is mine.

It wasn't for me. I wonder who the other view is.

And then your precious leader will be cut up like so many hot dogs at lunch,

I am the ketchup.

Chirp.