Original subtitles

(people chattering)

(lighthearted music)

- Vick Velour.

This guy bangs my wife.

(slow gentle music)

(people shouting and laughing)

(somber music)

- Hey, Sarah.

- You're disgusting.

- I'm sorry.

- You heard me.

You are a sick, sick person.

I don't like you. And I don't like what you stand for.

And I think I can speak for the neighbors when I say

that your parties and the low lifes

that you bring into this neighborhood

are just not the type we like having around here.

Even if we do live in the valley,

our street is not a 24-hour porn fest.

It's where families live,

not dirty, dirty porn stars.

So don't, "Hey Sarah" me.

There, I said it.

Come on, boys.

Boys!

- [Blonde Haired Woman] So I was out shopping the other day

and I picked up these earrings.

- Oh, they're so nice.

They're gorgeous. - They were so cheap.

This waiter is so hot.

I'm totally gonna bang him.

- Oh, we should have a threesome.

- Um, that'll be $17.

- Oh, $17.

- Oh my, we're out of cash.

Do you accept the American Sexpress card?

(sultry music)

Or some sex?

- Hello.

- [Women] Mm.

- Come on, Vick.

You're supposed to take my clothes off now.

Like this.

K.K., like Vick

is totally freaking out. - Cut, cut, cut, cut,

cut, cut, cut. (bell ringing)

Vick, what's this?

What is this?

Time is money. What, you need snow?

(sniffs) Ooh.

Vick, my American Dream, please talk.

Not this, not right now.

You're thinking too much.

Remember what I said to you?

Don't think, screw.

I pay you to screw not to solve math problems.

Vick!

What the...

Vick!

(somber music) Vick!

Vick, Vick, I know you're tired.

I'm tired too.

We're all tired, Vick.

Vick, we have a shoot.

Vick!

Vick!

- $2.

What you doing?

- Oh shit, I forgot my wallet.

- Get out of store.

Go, out!

No, take soda.

Get soda, get out!

What you don't understand?

Get out of store!

Now!

(eerie music)

(wind whistling)

(siren blaring)

(police radio chattering)

(sirens blaring)

- [Officer] Hey, buddy.

Hey, we're here to help you.

(birds chirping)

- Hmm.

(people chattering)

- And, how's it?

- Is it Anderson Taggert or Vick Velour?

- It's Andy actually.

- Good.

Look, here's the thing.

We've contacted your parents

and they wanna come get you.

They don't know, do they?

Well, I can assure you

for better or worse,

they don't know anything about Vick Velour.

Andy, I want you to go home with them.

Rest up, regroup.

It's time to ponder life's big questions

and make sure you don't end up in here again, man.

They're the only people that care for you

and they're there for you.

And that's usually all I need to know.

Think about it, buddy.

Mr. and Mrs. Taggert, you can see Andy now.

Andy, your parents are here to see you.

- Hey, sweetheart.

It's Mama.

Baby.

I love you. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

And Daddy's here.

(Marva crying)

Oh god. (lively upbeat music)

Oh god, I love you.

- It's okay, Mom.

- Let's get the hell outta here.

This place is giving me the willies.

- [Man] Oh yeah,

ooh, it is a scorcher out there, everybody.

And another word

from our Council President, Myron McGill.

Myron?

- [Myron] Ladies and gentlemen, volunteers, veterans.

As I do often, I'd like to take this moment

to remind us of our place in life.

As we march together toward our final resting place,

it is important that we remember

the warning given to us

as it is written in the good book.

You will enter God's kingdom.

One's behavior reveals one's character.

Our actions and not just our word

must acknowledge and praise his holiness.

And finally, only those who obey his teaching

will endure the final judgment.

And by the way, Bingo has been canceled tonight.

This is Happy Valley Village

Council President, Myron McGill.

May God bless all of you.

(indistinct)

- [Marva] I didn't say a word.

I didn't say a word.

(lively horns music)

Our boy now from Hollywood.

- [Gene] Eddie, how are you?

(people chattering)

- You don't like that.

- I do like this.

I just don't- - You won't eat it.

- I don't like your lasagna,

but I like regular lasagna.

- I think this is supposed to be turkey,

but it tastes terrible.

- I once saw a turkey take a shit

and turn around and eat it.

I don't eat turkey.

- I once saw a human being do the same thing.

- Anderson. - You will have

a little respect, boy.

We went well out of our way

to save your ass.

And take those damn sunglasses off.

We're indoors now.

- Cheers. (chuckles)

Ooh.

- So, what is this Happy Valley anyway?

- Oh, well this what we call a senior community,

55 and older.

You can visit, but the people that live here

have to be 55 or older.

And we have this community center,

which I just love.

I mean, don't you love it?

Um, and we have activities.

We have macrame.

Oh, and there's a glass studio.

And silk flower arrangements.

Oh, and Daddy loves bocci ball (chuckles) on the lawn.

And there's a big, huge swimming pool.

You will really love the swim.

Oh, and I take, I take swimmercize

and I have gotten so strong, haven't I, honey?

Feel that, feel that.

Feel my muscle. Feel it.

Can you believe it? (laughing)

Your mother's muscle. (laughing)

Oh, and movies. (eerie music)

Oh, movie night.

You will love movie night. - Ah, yes.

- [Marva] You will just love it.

- We should show one of your movies.

- [Marva] Oh, that's a great idea.

Could we do it?

Oh we could do it.

- [Man] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

- Stop it!

You sick people!

- Hey, hey, hey, calm down, boy.

You're sweating like a whore in church.

- Everything all right here, Gene?

- Yeah, everything's fine.

- Well, who's the young man?

- Oh, this is our son Andy.

He's here all the way from Hollywood, California.

- Myron McGill.

I am President of the Happy Valley Town Council.

Put her there.

It's a pleasure meeting you.

So Hollywood, USA. (laughing)

Well, what brings you all the way out

to our little crack in the desert here, hm?

- Oh, oh, Andy is taking a brief little vacation

from his very busy career.

He is an actor, you know.

- Anything I've seen?

- I don't think so.

- Oh, he's just being modest.

He is, he did an acne cream commercial

and he's very well known in the Philippines.

- Oh.

- [Marva] Aren't you, honey?

- Well, let me be the first to welcome you

to our little oasis.

Anything you need, you just call on old Myron.

- You might start by letting us eat

our goddam dinner, Myron.

- Yeah, that's right. (Marva laughing)

Well, enjoy the fine dining, folks. (chuckles)

- Damn Bible thumper.

- Gene, Gene, you can't have an altercation with him.

- I'll do any damn thing I wanna do.

- Oh, well, you know what happened last time.

Oh, I'm so glad that you're home.

- Keep an eye on boy, Big John.

- Taggert kid?

- You bet. - You know I'm just thinking

that we're like the Three Musketeers.

- [Myron] I can smell the sin on this one.

- What's that smell like?

(crickets chirping)

(Marva sighing and chuckling)

- Ta da! (chuckles)

What do you think?

Men at Work.

Oh, and I, I put some of your old clothes in the closet.

Look, it's your coveralls.

(Marva sighs)

- You know what, Mom, I'm, I'm really tired.

I'm just gonna hit the sack.

- Okay.

I understand.

Andy, I am so glad that you're home.

Everything is gonna be just fine.

Night night.

See you in...

(tense music)

(bird screeching)

- Ah. - One more time.

- Vick!

(tense chaotic music)

(K.K. shouting)

- Fuck. (lively music)

(siren blaring)

♪ Burn it up, burn it down

♪ Let it burn across the town

♪ My heart will catch afire

♪ When my fire bug's around

♪ Fire bug, fire bug

(siren blaring)

♪ She's my little fire bug

♪ She gonna light a fire

♪ When she begins to kiss and a hug ♪

♪ I took her to the winter ball ♪

♪ And melted all the snow

♪ That little gal starts dancing ♪

♪ And she torches up the floor

♪ Fire bug, fire bug

♪ She's my little fire bug

♪ She gonna start a fire

♪ When she begins to

- Morning, Mom.

(Marva chuckles)

Well, good afternoon, (lively rock music)

lazy bones.

(both clear throats)

How'd you sleep?

- Uh.

- I thought I'd let you sleep in.

(Vick sighs)

- Right.

- Andy, dance with me.

Come on, come on

come on. - Mom, I don't feel like-

- Oh, it's-

- Mom, Mom! I don't want to please.

- Oh, why not, Andy? Why not?

- I just, I just don't feel like it.

♪ She's my little fire bug

- Oh, almost forgot.

I made you something, something special.

Star.

- Oh.

- A star for our favorite star. (chuckles)

Oh, Andy.

I made all of it.

I'm in a stained glass club over at the community center.

My teacher made that one.

I just love it.

They call me the glass lady. (chuckles)

You know, you get your creative juices from me.

- You know what is there?

I gotta get some stuff.

Is there a store nearby?

- Oh, that's a great idea.

And get some fresh air

and see the neighborhood.

Happy Valley Helpers is right down the road.

- All right.

- Oh, oh, oh.

Would you get Daddy's prescription for me

while you're there?

- Sure.

(lively rhythmic music)

(doorbell ringing)

- Ah! Help me!

Oh, my god, this ah, ah.

Oh, this machine's gonna kill me.

- Yeah, is there a-

- [Woman] Help!

- Anybody can help this woman? - Help!

I'm stuck here.

- [Vick] Hello.

- Help.

This is killing me.

Help.

- Uh- - Help, I can't get out.

Help, help. - Hey, hey, calm down.

You just have to push this.

- I don't just have to do anything,

you chip fail.

Don't you ever touch me. - Mrs. Garrity, Mrs. Garrity,

are you all right?

No, no, no, no, no, no. (woman grunting)

- Oh, the hell with it

and to hell with you.

Just get the hell out of here.

You don't belong here, you and your stuck friends of yours.

Just get outta here.

- Trust me, you got off easy.

Do I know you?

- I don't know, do you?

- I don't know. You look familiar.

- Well...

While you're trying to figure it out,

can you check on this for me?

- Wait, this is for Gene Taggert.

- Yeah.

- So you're Andy, Gene and Marva's son?

Oh come here. Oh God, what a great surprise. (giggles)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, your mom loves to talk about you

so I feel like I know so much about your life,

but I don't, do I?

- (clears throat) No.

Nope.

- You know, your mom showed me pictures

but you look so different. (chuckles)

- Well, I haven't seen my parents in a long time.

- I'm Betsy.

- I'm Andy.

- I know. (chuckles)

- Do you mind checking on that?

- Oh, let me go get this for you. (chuckles)

(doorbell ringing)

So are you here for a while?

- Yeah, until my dad kicks me out.

- Now, why would you do that?

- It's just the way he is.

- Well, I'm staying with my grandmother.

She she got lonely

so I came out to stay with her.

Ironically now I'm the one that's lonely.

That was too much information, wasn't it?

- Yeah, probably.

- Sorry. I always lay it out there.

- Is that ready?

- Oh, I've been keeping you. Yes, here.

- Great.

Well, thank you.

- Anytime.

It was nice to finally meet you, Andy.

(lively rhythmic music)

♪ Oh, a one more time

♪ They shoved his keys

♪ Took his dreams, took his body ♪

♪ They shoved his keys

♪ Took his dreams, took his body ♪

♪ They shoved his keys

♪ Took his dreams, took his body ♪

♪ Wishes that the love

♪ Hit the go

♪ They they they

♪ They shoved his keys

♪ Took his dreams, took his body ♪

♪ They shoved his keys

♪ Took his dreams, took his body ♪

♪ They shoved his keys

♪ Took his dreams, took his body ♪

♪ Wishes that the love

♪ Hit the go with me

♪ And the shape is in the love

♪ If we sit down babe

♪ But never did (indistinct)

♪ It's slipping through my hands ♪

(lively electronic music)

(gentle piano music)

♪ I've been in the storm

♪ So long

♪ I've been in the storm

♪ So long, children

♪ Been in the storm

♪ So long

♪ Oh give me little time

(crickets chirping)

♪ To pray

♪ Let me tell you, Mother

♪ How I came

- Oh Jesus.

- Give him some time, Gene.

- He's had 33 years.

♪ Time to pray

(dog barking) ♪ With an aching heart

♪ And a hope

(K.K. screaming)

- My American Dream!

(clock ticking)

- Hey, get your ass off that car and come over here.

- Thought you retired.

- Retirement's for the lazy.

Look, you may have your mother fooled

about this actor nonsense,

but I watch movies all the time and you ain't in 'em.

I've internetted you, boy.

Andy Taggert is a ghost. He ain't an actor.

I don't know what your game is,

but your mother hunted a long time for a sense of normalcy

after you disappeared on us.

I don't want you screwing it up.

You understand me?

- [Marva] Gene! - What?

- [Marva] Gene, you'll never guess who died.

- [Gene] Who?

- Dr. Morganshaw.

His kids are selling off everything.

- Oh, Jesus Christ, Marva-

- Come on, come on.

We've gotta go now or they'll sell all the good stuff!

- Marva, I've got to be at Joe's in 10 minutes.

- I don't care.

- I'll do it.

- Well...

I don't know. Do you remember how to run that thing?

- It's been a long- - It's a Roto-Rooter.

- It's been a long time since you did this.

- I understand. - Are you sure you remember

how to run it? - I can do it.

It's not hard.

Plumbers to do, you do it.

I can do it.

- Well...

- Dr. Morganshaw, my soup tureen. Let's go!

- Well, all right.

Now, Joe's main is clogged up.

Go unclog it, but be sure and turn your water off first.

Now, he's, don't bother them about it.

Just go do it.

- Let's go, let's go.

- I want that soup tureen. - Be careful.

Get some clothes on.

- I've had my eye on that soup tureen for five years.

Finally! (laughing)

Wait, hey, hey.

Where is it?

- [Gene] There's a cactus in front

looks like a pecker.

- [Marva] Bye, honey.

♪ Gee whiz

(funky rock music)

♪ Ah ah ah ah

(lively rhythmic music)

(funky rock music) - Gene, stop the machine, man.

Hey, yo, yo, stop the machine, man.

It's too piercing.

It's busting my eardrums.

- Shit, man, I'm sorry.

There wasn't any flooding the house was there?

- Uh, not that I could see.

Where's Gene, man?

- Oh yeah. I'm his son, Vick, Andy.

- Oh hey, I'm Joe.

How you doing? - Hey, all hell's

breaking loose in there.

That thing's coming up out of the toilet bowl.

- This here is Turquoise Jack.

He's the finest outfitter

in the continental US of A.

This is Andy.

- You enjoy turquoise jewelry, Andy?

- Uh, haven't really given it much thought.

- Well, it's a fine stone. (laughing)

- Yeah, I'm sure it is.

Listen, Joe, I'm, I'm really, I'm really sorry about this.

It doesn't seem like there's much damage,

but I'll, I'll do whatever I can

to get this up and running, all right?

But I don't think I need my dad finding out about it.

Is that all right?

- Uh, well, I'll tell you what,

why don't you buy me and Turquoise Jack

a couple of drinks,

we'll just forget it ever even happened.

- Bet you could use a cold one, hm?

- Yeah, uh...

Yeah, yeah, sure.

I could use a beer.

- [Joe And Jack] All right. (laughing)

(lively electronic music) (people chattering)

- What my man here is trying to say, Andy,

is that, there isn't a whole lot happening

in Happy Valley except some rundown club

run by some old people, you know what I mean.

And TJ and I we have our own club, right bro?

- That's right, and tonight is titty club

and I'm a player.

(Joe laughing)

- And guess what?

Congratulations, you are a member.

- [TJ] Ooh, I think she likes you, ooh.

♪ Ah we keep the party till the broad daylight ♪

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock (phone ringing)

♪ Listen to the beat (Andy sighs)

♪ Step into the light

♪ Losing all control

♪ It's all at night

♪ Losing all control

♪ In space and time - Fucking bullshit.

♪ You should get the party

(sighs) Taggerts.

- Hi, I'm calling about the rooting service.

I think my pipes are clogged.

- Okay, well, Gene's not here

so I'll tell him you called?

- Oh, it's, it's an emergency.

I need help right now!

(toilet flushing)

♪ Don't stop, don't stop the party ♪

- [Andy] All right, what's your address?

- 101 Whispering Lake Lane.

- Okay, be right over.

- Cool. Thank you. (sighs)

♪ Don't stop, don't stop

Yes!

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop the party rock

- Shit.

(tense music)

(bird screeching)

(tense Western music)

- Where am I?

- [Bunny] Don't worry.

Bunny's taking care of you.

- What happened?

- [Bunny] The heat got to you

and I'm cooling you off.

- Huh.

- [Bunny] But you're getting me hot.

- Is this really happening?

- It's really happening.

And I'm gonna give you some mouth to mouth.

- Whoa, holy shit!

- It's okay, honey. - No, I gotta go.

- It's okay.

- I gotta go.

- Vick, I'm so sorry. (grunts)

- What did you call me?

- I, I love your movies, Vick.

- You watch those movies?

- Don't you think I'm sexy?

- I have to go.

- Oh my... - What are you doing here?

- [Andy] Yeah, I was just, the pipes.

Your wife's pipes were clogged.

I gotta go. - Oh god.

- What's wrong with the pipes?

- Oh.

- What's been going on in here?

- I was just trying to surprise you.

- Well, you look like a circus performer.

Where's my supper?

- I'll go make you a sandwich.

(light tinkling music)

(light country music)

- Yo, Andy, we're about to take a ride.

Man, you wanna come along?

- Yeah, okay.

- Good, 'cause you're driving.

- Pull!

(gun firing)

Ah, doggone it.

Are you sure that you're pulling when I say pull?

- Yes, sir.

- Now, Gene, let me get straight to the point here.

We got a problem.

I know you and Marva haven't been here very long

but and it can be difficult to adapt to all the rules

of our little oasis.

But that being said,

I would be remiss in my duties as president

if I didn't mention your son.

- Well, he's having some trouble.

- Pull!

(gun firing)

Uh! John!

- But I promise you he won't be any more problem.

- Well, let me get down to brass tacks.

Fact is as long as he's under your roof,

he is your responsibility,

which means, well, I cannot technically penalize him

for his transgressions,

but I can penalize you.

You signed a contract,

you know, when you signed on

to obey all the bylaws of our community.

If you broken enough of them rules,

you are gonna have to go before the town council,

which means we might have to force Andy to leave

and suspend you

from all Happy Valley activities.

That means no potlucks,

no clubs, no movie nights.

No nothing till you can prove yourself

to be a positive member of our community.

Now, how would Marva feel about all that, huh?

- You leave my wife out of this.

- Yeah.

Every Adam has his Eve.

You read the good book of Genesis, Gene?

- It's been a while.

- Well, Genesis 4:6-8.

If you do the right thing,

you will be accepted into the house of God.

If you don't do the right thing,

well, then you're just a dirty sinner.

Pull.

(gun firing)

- That is crazy talk, Myron.

You can kiss my ass.

- You know, I hear Marva loves her stained glass.

And I'd hate to see her not be able

to attend those classes.

Pull!

♪ Ah ah

♪ Ah oh

♪ Ah ah

♪ Ah oh

- Me and my man Turquoise, (insects chirping)

we flew 11 missions

together in Vietnam, right?

- Yeah.

We used to take this old bird like this,

punch a couple of holes in it,

and put some chain guns out there

and just point them at the jungle

and just like mowing the lawn, man.

- [Joe] Yeah. It's scary as hell, man.

- Oh, man, we did some shit, mm hm.

(bird trilling)

- Andy, I don't mean the pry, man,

but you have the look,

the very aspect

of a young man with the whole world

just crushing down on him, bro.

- What am I'm gonna say, Joe, it's a strange time.

I have no other way to put it

then I'm just simply uninspired.

- You know, see that doesn't sound good.

- Mm mm.

- What gets you guys up in the morning?

- Me, Bunny McGill.

- Oh, here we go.

- Myron's wife?

- [Joe] Yep. Bunny.

- Except he doesn't know that she's married.

- Married my ass, man.

Yeah, on paper.

But marriage is not just a contract, man.

That paper doesn't mean anything.

(stammers) It's a matter of mutual respect

and treating each other nice, man.

Myron treats her like shit.

(TJ laughing)

Two people can't go on like that, man.

I just don't understand it.

Shame on Myron for not treating Bunny the way he ought to,

you know, the way she deserve to be treated.

Shame on him.

- (clears throat) Now look, slicker here,

he got a Jones for Bunny

and he won't do nothing about it.

I keep telling him

why don't you just go out

and find yourself a good prostitute?

It's easier that way.

- Why don't you just go and talk to her?

- I do talk to her.

"Morning, Bunny.

Nice day isn't it, Bunny?"

And, Andy, that's about as far as I get the go, man.

I just can't get the words out of my mouth, man, and...

- But you want something more, right?

- Yes I do.

- Well, if you make a move,

I can pretty much guarantee she'll go for it.

- Oh, what makes you such an expert?

- I was at Bunny's today

and let's just say she's a lonely woman.

- Oh. (sputters)

Don't get him started.

- (scoffs) You're pulling my leg, man.

- No, man. I've done a lot of lyin',

but this, this is certainly the truth.

- See, I never took Bunny

for the kind of, type of woman

that would, you know, just have affairs.

- Well, with the Bunny I met today,

you don't have to worry about that.

- What Bunny is that?

- All right, look,

I'm gonna tell you guys something,

but you have to promise me

you're not gonna tell anybody.

It does not leave this graveyard.

- Oh, shh.

- I'm a porn star.

- What?

(Joe and TJ chuckling)

- Porn star?

(TJ laughing)

- So (stammers) you've been in some stuff?

- Yes, I've been in some stuff.

- You've been in some, this kinda stuff,

that kinda stuff?

- Yes, I mean, some stuff.

- How did you get into this, this, this stuff?

- I answered an ad in the paper.

See, I wanted to be an actor.

My dad didn't want me to be an actor.

I took off when I was 19 years old to Hollywood

to try to make it and it turns out

that a lot of people take off to Hollywood

to be actors.

So one thing led to another.

I ended up starring in pornographic movies.

And hell, I was sleeping with women for money

so I did have a good time.

But I guess somehow I ended up having

like a nervous breakdown or some, some shit like that.

And now I'm in the middle of the fucking desert

with guys, with you two jokers.

- Oh, good night.

- Look, the point is,

is Bunny is a fan of Vick Velour.

- What in the Sam hell's a Vick Velour, man?

- Me.

- Bunny watches porn. (TJ laughing)

Man, that's more out there

than you being a porn star. - Yeah.

- Well, I'm just telling you

if you wanna make a move on her,

I think, I think you would be successful.

- Uh, you are a porn star

so you might be able to help me

solve this problem.

See, 'cause I have a problem, uh...

Tell me what advice would you give me

for a limp noodle?

(TJ laughing)

- (chuckles) Um, yeah.

Why don't you try one of those boner boosters?

- Ooh. - Oh no, no.

That's, that's too bad for my heart, man.

The doctor says that that's for my heart.

- Let me think about that.

(lighthearted suspenseful music)

- Oh!

Eagle on the move, eagle on the move.

- Well, hello, Joe.

- Hiya, Bunny.

- Come on in.

What a nice surprise visit, Joe.

How have you been?

- Uh, good, real good.

- Please, have a seat.

Would you like a pink lemonade

or a fresh sun tea?

- I'd like that very much.

Thank you, Bunny.

- Excuse me.

Salud.

(Joe choking)

I made us some Long Islands instead.

- [Joe] Oh.

- Helps take the edge off.

- (sighs) Delicious. (coughs)

- Thank you.

- Mighty wise of you.

I always said that you were a very smart woman, Bunny.

- Thank you.

- (coughs) Where's Myron?

- Oh, council meeting.

Why, did you need to speak with him?

- Oh no, no ma'am, no ma'am.

Not at all.

Not at all.

- Don't call me ma'am, Joe.

It makes me feel old.

(Bunny whimpers)

I think we should take this to the bedroom.

- Huh?

Oh.

Oh well, uh, but first I have to use your powder room.

Bladder's calling.

- Okay.

Yes. (lighthearted upbeat music)

- Okay, Andy.

You better not be messing with an old man.

Let me see here.

Just a little on my fingertips.

Ooh ow!

Ow! Oh, I don't think I like that.

Ow, I know I don't like that.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Ooh, dammit.

Why did I say hot sauce?

Hot sauce, stupid, stupid, stupid, stuff.

Ooh, ah.

Ooh.

(sultry music)

Ooh.

Hoo.

Oh my god.

Joe is back.

And he's feeling good.

(singing in foreign language)

(people chattering)

- You know, Andy, we do five of these shows every year

using all local actors.

But of course we don't do anything like you do.

- Yeah, ain't that the truth? Excuse me.

Hey, um...

Let me help you with that. - Oh thank God.

Thanks, Andy.

- Okay yeah, you can

help me with this. - Oh sorry.

- All right. - Going right here.

Yeah this is...

(light upbeat music)

You play?

- [Andy] No.

- Well, that sounded good.

- My mom wanted me to play piano.

I wanted to play the flute.

- (chuckles) Why did you wanna play the flute?

- You know that song?

♪ Da na na na na na na na na

The Vegemite sandwich song?

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, that song made me wanna play the flute.

- So what happened?

- Nothing.

Turns out the flute's really hard to play.

- [Betsy] Oh.

- I never did get to play that song.

- I like being around old people. They're funny.

- Well, funny is one way to put it.

- It's all about how you look at it.

I think that everyone here's

kind of getting away from something.

You know, whether it's the cold or their past

or their work and their grandkids,

and they just packaged up their lives,

put 'em in a trunk and started fresh.

Here you can be whatever you want.

Like Mr. Smith.

He's a retired railroad engineer turned thespian.

- When you put it that way,

it does sound kind of interesting.

- Shut up. (chuckles)

- No, seriously.

- Whatever.

So yeah, what brings you to Happy Valley?

- I went crazy.

- Come on.

- No really.

My parents picked me up from the state hospital

and brought me here to Happy Valley.

- [Betsy] I'm sorry.

- Nothing to be sorry about. It is what it is.

- We're all a little crazy.

- (chuckles) Well, some more than others.

- I just went through a divorce.

- I'm sorry.

- No, it's better that it's over.

Hey, you know, I think I know

what will make you feel better.

- What?

- It's a surprise.

- I don't like surprises.

- I don't think you'll go if I tell you.

- I'm not gonna go if you don't tell me.

- You're just gonna have to trust me.

- I don't think you are very trustworthy.

- What else are you gonna do?

Sit around with your parents?

Boring.

- Touche.

Fine.

Do whatever you want.

- Okay then we're on.

(insects chirping) (owl hooting)

♪ Allemande left we're going

♪ Allemande left train

♪ Train go ride it a left around that train ♪

♪ Well, get her back there and give her a swing swing swing ♪

♪ And then you'll promenade her ♪

♪ Hey promenade, get it two by nine ♪

♪ And then get her back home

♪ Home you go (dancers shouting)

♪ You're doing it fine

♪ Well, ger her back there - What is this thing?

- Square dancing. Yeah.

- Square dancing. I'm not, I'm...

I'm not doing this. (dancers laughing)

- We're fine.

- Nn, nn nn.

(dancers chattering)

- Come on, come on over here. There's room for you.

(jazzy harmonica music)

- I don't even...

♪ Well now you bow to the partner ♪

♪ The corner girl

♪ Join hands, circle to the left ♪

♪ Walking round the ring

♪ All the way around you go

♪ And circle to the right

♪ Circle to the right

♪ Around the ring you go

♪ And circle to the left

♪ Allemande left

♪ A-right a-left train

♪ Train to right a-left you go

♪ You meet your girl

♪ You give her a swing

(lively square dance music) (dancers shouting)

- Gentleman. (chuckles)

- (chuckles) Sorry.

- That's okay.

It's all that.

- Thank you really.

I really needed that.

I didn't know how bad I needed that.

- Oh, good. Well, thanks for coming.

- All right. - Okay.

- Well, get home safely.

- Thank you. Oh, hey.

- Oh, keep it. - No.

- Come on.

- No, you earned it. You worked hard.

- You earned it.

You wanted- - Uh uh.

I'm not, I'm not taking it. It's yours.

It's yours.

- Fine. I'll take it.

- Okay. - I'm taking it.

- Good.

I'll see you. - All right.

- Tomorrow maybe?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Okay. - All right. Good night.

- Good night.

(light tinkling music)

(horn honking)

Third.

(light upbeat music)

(toilet flushing)

(Bunny laughing)

- What are you so happy about?

- Oh, I just feel wonderful this morning.

- (chuckles) Well, what's for breakfast?

- Why don't you figure it out for a change?

I'm going for a massage.

- How was your date last night?

- It wasn't a date.

- What'd you talk about?

- Uh, I don't know, stuff.

(Marva laughing)

- Mom! - Tell me!

- Stop it! - Hey!

I don't get it,

but somebody called and asked for you special.

Must be doing something right for a change.

- He told you he knows how to rooter.

- Oh, Eddie Smith. I know them.

(loud knocking)

- Oh, hi.

Come on in. - Hey.

Uh, hi.

- Hi.

- I took a look already and everything looks fine.

If you want, I can run a snake through it.

Never hurts, but that's a hundred bucks.

- Go on, honey, ask him.

- Uh, actually, Andy,

we called you here for something else.

The missus and I uh,

how can I say this?

The word on the street is

that you have a gift for giving good advice

to people, for, for, you know, for,

for certain problems.

- I, I'm, I don't follow you sorry.

- Oh.

- But Joe and TJ said-

- Honey!

- Joe and TJ said what?

- Well, just that you give good advice.

- Good advice about, about what?

- You know, sex.

- Excuse me.

- Andy, please.

- We're good people here.

- Yo, yo, Andy, you are the very man I wanna see.

- What the hell, man?

Huh?

I asked you specifically not to say anything

about that porn shit.

- Oh no. Andy I didn't tell 'em about Vick Velour.

I just told 'em that you could help us out a bit that's all.

- With sex stuff?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

- Andy, look at here, man.

You see all these ambulances moving around here.

Where do you think they're going?

- The hospital, I don't know.

- The morgue, Andy, the morgue.

Look, there are a lot of good people in this town

who need what you can give 'em.

- Yeah?

- Mm hm.

- And what's that?

- You are a very nice young man

who can help these people with certain problems, right?

And not judge them for it.

I mean, who else are they gonna go to in this town but you?

- I don't know.

- Oh, come on, man. Cut the crap, man.

You are an ex-porn star.

- Shh.

- Big whoop, man.

We all have our past.

Man, look at here.

This is not about you being a porn star, right?

It's about you helping us to remember

when we were young and alive,

when we're young and alive, man.

You got a gift.

So use it.

Use it or lose it, but don't abuse it.

- You're out of your damn mind, you know that?

- That may be true.

But what I'm saying is true also.

You have a gift! (light tinkling music)

Use it or lose it.

(Andy muttering)

♪ Oh ah ah

♪ Ah oh ah ah

♪ Oh oh ah oh

♪ Ah oh Fuck it.

♪ Ah oh

♪ Ah

All right.

I'm not exactly sure what's gonna happen in there,

but whatever happens, I just want you to go with it, okay?

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

(Eddie chuckles) Uh...

All right, I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you a few questions.

- Okay.

- Do you remember the first time you saw your wife?

- Oh, yes.

- Well, how'd you feel?

- She had a smile that just wouldn't quit

and she was so beautiful, I was terrified.

But she was the sweetest thing in the world.

Not a bad bone in her body.

I wanted to ravage her right then, you know,

but things moved a little more slowly in those days.

I spent, oh countless nights awake,

my heart pounding,

thinking about the moment when I might finally get to,

well, you know.

- What?

- Well, when I might finally get to have her.

Oh, I think I can speak plainly with you, Andy.

- Yeah.

I'm glad.

So once you had her,

what did that feel like?

- Well, I think that's the closest

I've ever been to heaven, yeah.

- Well, Eddie, that little number

you just described...

- Yeah?

- She's right there in that kitchen.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, she's waiting for you.

So go in there, man.

And take her in your arms and you kiss her.

(Eddie chuckles)

You understand, don't you?

- I, I believe I do.

(lively rock music)

♪ Sha la la la la la

♪ Sha la la la la la

♪ Sha la la la la la

(lively rock music continues)

(Gene laughing)

♪ Sha la la la la la

♪ Sha la la la la la

(dynamic rock music)

♪ I never meant to be so bad to you ♪

♪ One thing I said that I would never do ♪

- Where are you going all dolled up?

- Out. Don't wait up.

♪ Fall from grace

♪ And that would wipe the smile right from our face ♪

♪ Do you remember when we used to dance ♪

♪ And incidents arose from circumstance ♪

♪ One thing led to another we were young ♪

♪ And we would scream together songs unsung ♪

♪ It was the heat of the moment ♪

♪ Telling me what my heart meant ♪

♪ The heat of the moment

♪ Showed in your eyes (people chattering)

(gentle romantic music)

♪ If ever you've got rain in your heart ♪

♪ Someone has hurt you

♪ And torn you apart

♪ Am I unwise

♪ To open up your eyes to love me ♪

♪ And let it be like they said it would be ♪

♪ Me loving you, girl

♪ And you loving me

♪ Am I unwise

♪ To open up your eyes to love me ♪

♪ Run to me

♪ Whenever you're lonely

♪ To love me

♪ Run to me

♪ If you need a shoulder

♪ Now and then

♪ You need someone older

♪ So darling

♪ You run to me

♪ And when you're out in the cold ♪

♪ No one beside you

- Oh, I'm sorry. ♪ And no one to hold

I can't do this.

♪ Am I unwise

♪ To open up your eyes

♪ To love me

♪ And when you've got nothing to lose ♪

♪ Nothing to pay

(crickets chirping)

(Andy sighs)

- Andy, what is wrong?

- Nothing.

- Well, it doesn't seem like nothing.

- Betsy, I, this...

I can't, this is not gonna happen.

This thing.

- What?

Andy, no one knows if something's gonna work or not.

- Yeah, well I have a pretty good idea.

- Well, I think that's sort of a ridiculous thing

to say to me.

- Oh, really is it?

- Yeah, it is.

(people chattering)

- Andy, why don't you just say

whatever the hell it is you need to say to me

and stop being such a baby?

- (stammers) All right. I'm a porn star.

- I know.

Vick Velour.

- What?

- My husband used to like to watch videos.

I mean, you know.

(Andy chuckles) (gentle pop music)

So you've known this whole time?

- I don't care, Andy.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

I don't care.

It doesn't matter to me.

- Stop. Just...

(chuckles) It's, you have no idea.

You don't have any idea how rotten it is out there.

What it's like to be looked at with utter disgust.

To be judged.

It messes with your head.

If I never walk into another porn set again,

my movies will always be on the shelf.

I'm always gonna be that guy.

And I have to deal with that.

Do you really think that you're ready to deal with that?

No, you're not.

You're not.

'Cause soon as you grasp the reality of the things

that I've done,

you get a picture in your head

of the choices that I've made,

you are gonna walk

and that'd be okay.

I wouldn't blame you.

We can't, we can't do this.

- Okay.

You know what, Andy,

I'm gonna give you some time

because you have no idea what you're screwing up right now.

♪ I have nothing

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ And when I have nothing

♪ Nothing to lose

- [Bunny] Andy, I wanna thank you.

- (scoffs) For what?

- For being you.

- Is that a joke?

- Oh, come on, Andy.

Get over yourself.

You're porn star. You're no murderer.

- Yeah.

Depends on who you ask.

- You know when I saw Vick working that rooter

outside of Joe's,

I was inspired to take a chance.

I called you over and made a damn fool of myself.

But in the end I met Joe.

I don't know what's gonna come of Joe and I,

but right now I am having the time of my life

and if I die tomorrow, I will die a very happy woman.

- I'm really happy for you, Bunny.

- You son of a bitch!

- Follow your heart.

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ And when I have nothing

♪ Nothing to lose

(Myron grunting)

(Myron grunting)

- You sure those ain't yours, Myron?

- Course it ain't mine, you idiot.

(sighs) Well, you know what this means?

- Bunny wears boxers?

- No!

- Geez, Myron.

- It means that damn Taggert boy

is adulterating my Bunny.

You shoulda seen the smile on her face the other day

when he quote unquote, fixed the pipes.

He must take me for a complete fool.

What? - Woo.

- Ride me, Buck Rider ride me. - What do you got?

- It's him! (lively music)

- Woo hoo hoo.

- Holy Mary,

Jesus, son of god- - Ride me, ride me.

- on the highest. - Woo.

- Does that smell like sin, Myron?

(woman panting)

- Oh! We got him!

- [Man] Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, ooh. (woman panting)

What's he doing to her?

- [Bunny] Dear Marva and Gene.

I wanna make you aware of this tape

before my husband blind sides you with it.

- Oh. - I'm sorry

this had to happen.

Andy's a good person.

Sincerely, Bunny McGill.

- Marva.

What?

(Gene sighing)

(Gene sighing)

Son of a bitch.

- Gene, was I a good mother?

- Marva.

I don't want you to ever talk that way again.

You're a terrific mother.

(Marva chuckles)

- Oh, "Buns of Navarone".

Oh.

(clock ticking)

- Explain this!

Are you goddam kidding me?

- I don't, I don't know what you want me to say.

- How about I'm sorry I lied?

How 'bout that?

- I didn't lie. I just, I just didn't tell you.

- Andy, your whole life is a lie.

Your mother thought you were a movie star

and you let her keep thinking it.

I knew it was bullshit.

- Okay.

- Okay.

That's it. Walk away.

Do what you always do.

Don't try to solve your problems,

run from 'em and hide.

- What do you want?

You wanna hear it?

You know what's bullshit?

Is you thinking that your shit don't stink.

Did you ever wonder why I took off the way I did?

It's because you were such a judgmental asshole

and with a keen knack to make me feel really small.

And I just got sick of trying to make you happy.

And I talked to you, but you wouldn't even listen.

- No son, you don't listen.

I begged with you. I pleaded,

get an education.

Make your life better than mine.

But did you listen to me?

No, no.

You were too busy going against the grain.

And where'd that get you?

You're a goddam porn star

and you don't have the manhood to face it.

Am I right?

- [Andy] I can't do this, Dad.

- Am I right?

(Andy sighs)

Are you happy in your life, son?

Are you happy?

- No, Dad. No, I'm not happy with my life.

(Gene cries)

(tense music)

- My American Dream, hm? (somber Western music)

Let's go.

- I need a drink.

(golf cart whirring)

(golf cart screeching)

(loud knocking)

- You have been served.

There'll be a hearing and a vote tomorrow morning

on whether or not you violated any bylaws of Happy Valley

by exposing your son's sinful ways

on the flock

and jeopardizing all morality

in our humble and God-fearing community.

Article 10-2B, amendment 1309.

- Up yours, Myron.

Marva, Myron's having a meeting tomorrow morning

about this thing.

- I don't give a good goddam what people think

and Myron can kiss my sweet butt.

He can have his stained glass workshop.

I'll start my own.

- Marva, he's talking about eviction, making us sell out.

- What is this?

I don't care.

I just want to hold my son again.

- (sighs) Maybe it'd be easier

if we can just let him go.

- I don't want easy.

You go get my boy.

(birds chirping)

- Vick, I know you for many years uh?

We made success together.

You're like my brother

and I know this, this is what you're meant to do.

This is where you belong.

When you walk into my studio, a young man lost

and we find a success together.

And right now we're lost again,

but together we'll find success.

So you're gonna face reality.

You can't stay with your parents forever.

What are you gonna do there, hm?

- I don't know.

- Mm.

With me, my brother,

you're always gonna have a home, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay.

I brought something for you.

For the shoot.

(chuckles) Huh?

- What? We're not, we're shooting now?

- Why not?

Why not?

- I just got my head around the idea.

I got this new idea,

greedy, on location,

real American civilians.

Just a balls out spontaneous screw.

I call it "Vick Velour Screws America".

What do you think?

- I think the title sucks.

- That's the working title,

but we have a good location.

Maybe find good birds.

- Okay.

- Okay.

I got a room for you next door.

And I go buy a lube from the store.

Huh?

(speaking in foreign language)

(Betsy tapping)

- Hi, Marva, it's Betsy. Is Andy around?

No. What's going on?

I'm sorry, Marva, can I call you back?

Is this all you need?

- Maybe yes, maybe no.

- That's one lucky lady.

- Maybe...

can get lucky too, huh?

- Oh really? (chuckles)

- You know my friend Vick Velour?

You've heard of him?

- I thought he retired.

- Oh, no, no, no.

Vick has only started.

- I see.

- Maybe you wanna meet him,

make some money too, huh?

- (chuckles) Wow.

You are really, really slimy.

But yes, I'd like to meet Vick Velour.

- Right on then, right on!

(dynamic rock music)

(doorbell ringing)

(woman moaning)

♪ It's not in the way that you hold me ♪

♪ It's not in the way you say you care ♪

- Oh, that's a classic.

♪ The way you've been treating

I swear to God that film saved my marriage.

- Really? - Oh yeah, man.

(chuckles) He's the only guy my wife will watch,

you know what I mean?

I mean, he's that good.

And you know,

it's not like I'm into dudes or nothing like that,

but this guy, man, he just,

he really knows how to treat his co-stars

so it becomes like this thing that everyone's enjoying.

And I don't know, it's just like a beautiful thing, man.

♪ It's not in the words that you told me ♪

- He's my son.

(man laughing) ♪ It's not in the way

♪ You say you're mine ooh ooh

- Holy shit, really?

♪ It's not in the way that you came ♪

- Yeah.

- Well, look, you should be proud of that, sir.

♪ Love set me free

♪ It's not in the way you look

♪ Or the things that you say that you'll do ♪

♪ Hold the line

♪ Love isn't always on time

♪ Whoa whoa whoa

♪ Hold the line

♪ Love isn't always on time

♪ Whoa whoa whoa

(hard rock music)

- You won't believe (crickets chirping)

that beautiful broad I found.

It's a miracle.

She's like an angel.

Never been screwed on camera.

Maybe never been screwed before.

But I said, "Vick Velour"

and she said, "Yes!"

Holy mother of Russia.

They love you, Vick. They love you.

Oi!

(crickets chirping)

- Wait for action.

Good. Good, good, good.

Ooh!

- What are you doing here?

- Hi, Vick.

I thought this was my bedroom,

but maybe I made a mistake.

Not a bad one I see.

- Stop it.

- Oh my, the desert's got me so hot in here.

- Betsy, stop it.

Why are you doing this?

- Because if I can't connect to you as Betsy,

maybe I can connect to you as Lordy Hawkins.

- Lordy Hawkins?

You are crazy, you know that?

- We're all a little crazy, Andy.

Remember?

- Cut, cut, cut.

What is this, "Red Square Diaries", huh?

- Shut the hell up, K.K.

You really don't care.

- Nn nn.

- I'm sorry about the other night.

I'm just having a tough time coming to terms with this.

- I know.

- Let's get outta here.

- What are you doing?

Hey, what are you doing?

- We're leaving, K.K.

- No, no, no. You're not done.

- I can't do this anymore. - Get back.

I am done.

- Get back!

Screw!

- No, no more screw.

I am done.

- You screw.

- No, there will be

no more screw. - No, you screw!

- No, I am done. You're not hearing me.

I am finished.

I don't have it in me anymore.

This isn't fun.

You understand? This is stressing me out.

I'm not that guy anymore.

Do you remember what used to make me great

was that I actually had passion.

I cared about what I did.

I don't anymore.

You need to find yourself another American Dream.

Okay, man?

- A bigger badder, meaner motherfucker

than Vick Velour ever was.

(K.K. sighing)

I mean, what do you say, man, are we good?

Let me get outta here.

(K.K. sighs)

(K.K. chuckles)

(Andy sighs)

- I guess it is a time to find a new shooting star.

But you're always gonna be

my American Dream, Andy Taggert.

(dynamic rock music)

Now go. - That was sweet.

- Go.

- I'm leaving.

- Go American pussy

and never come back.

Go.

- See you around, man.

- You're fired, you fuck.

♪ It's not in the words that you told me ♪

♪ It's not in the way you say you're mine ooh ooh ♪

♪ It's not in the way that you came back to me ♪

♪ It's not in the way that your love set me free ♪

♪ It's not in the way you look

♪ Or the things that you say that you'll do ♪

♪ Hold the line

♪ Love isn't always on time

♪ Whoa whoa whoa

♪ Hold the line

♪ Love isn't always on time

♪ Love isn't always on time

♪ Hold the line

♪ Love isn't always on time

♪ Love isn't always, love isn't always on time ♪

♪ Hold the line

(gavel thudding)

- We call to order this special session

of the Happy Valley Town Council.

Myron.

- I'm sure that most of you are wondering

why I asked for this special session.

Well, not long ago,

this community was safe.

It was free from the influence of evil.

It was moral and it prepared us well

for our final judgment.

Romans 7:23.

But I see another law

among my members

warring against the law in my mind

and bringing me into the captivity of sin.

Well, we have in our midst

a devil warrior,

hell-bent for making you and you and you and you,

you and you his ally.

John help me here.

- Dirty Sanchez.

(sultry music)

All right, this should be fun.

(golf cart rumbling)

That's weird.

- Yo, yo, Andy, Andy.

Man, I've been looking for you everywhere.

That scumbag McGill is trying to evict your folks.

We've got to get to the community center pronto.

Come on, hop in.

- Ah. (sultry music)

- Dirty Sanchez.

- That's Andy Taggert.

He's pretty good.

- He's not bad.

- Not so fast, Dirty Sanchez.

- Buck Rider, I thought I killed you in Tucumsari.

- I'm sorry to disappoint you.

But after feeling froggy, kill, man.

(gun firing) (Dirty groans)

See you in hell, Dirty Sanchez.

- Oh, Buck, you saved my life.

How can I ever repay you?

(sultry music)

Ride me, Buck Rider, ride me. (residents gasping)

- [Andy] Woo hoo!

- John, John, John! - Ride me.

- [Myron] Turn him off. - [Andy] Yeah!

- Ladies and gentlemen,

the sinner you have just witnessed

is none other than their son,

Andy Taggert, or better known

as Vick Velour.

He is the devil in our midst.

- What are you suggesting we do, Myron?

- Our bylaws demand forced eviction

for an infraction of this magnitude.

(people chattering)

- These are serious accusations with dire consequences.

Do you have anything to say?

(Gene sighs)

- Marva and I have come to the conclusion

that at the end of the day,

the only thing that really matters is family,

those you love.

So I guess if (chuckles)

trying to help our son's a sin,

well, I guess we're sinners.

But we love our son in spite of some of his actions

and some of my misgivings,

we're proud of him.

That's all we have to say on the subject.

We don't give a damn what you do, Myron.

- [Myron] Well then in that case,

I say we put this thing to a vote.

Council.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Can I speak?

- Andy. - No, no, you're not a citizen

of this community.

- I just have something- - You have no right-

- to say. - to speak here.

- Let him speak, Myron. - I understand.

Thank you.

Mom, Dad, (chuckles) what can I say?

I'm sorry for getting you into this mess.

Myron, yes, I've acted

in pornographic movies,

a lot of them.

I've actually won awards

for doing things

that would blow your God-fearing mind,

cause you to curl up in a corner and sweat holy water.

But none of that has anything to do

with my parents.

Those were all my choices.

So all I'm asking of you

is please don't hold my parents

responsible for choices that I've made.

They're really good people.

- 'Nuff said.

The devil has no say in the house of God.

And I say we put it to a vote now.

- I'd like to say something.

- No, no, there's no more discussion.

We're done talking. We're voting.

- You've got to let people speak, Myron.

- Gene, Marva.

(sighs) Look, I just have to say

that Andy has made an incredible impact on my life, man.

Point I'm making is

that in Happy Valley,

we believe in live and let live, right?

- [Residents] Yeah, right.

- And I am pretty sure, Myron,

that what you're trying to have done

to these fine people

borders on unconstitutional.

So just stand down, Myron,

and allow for some real honest-to-goodness justice

right here in Happy Valley.

I think that will make us all happy, right?

- [Residents] Yeah.

- I'm not against happiness, Joe,

as long as it comes through righteousness and not sin.

- Who the hell do you think you are, Myron,

telling me or anybody else in this room,

how to live their lives to be happy?

It's none of your damn business.

- [Residents] Yeah.

- You elected me your shepherd.

- We elected you to be council president, Myron,

not our savior.

You're supposed to be marching in parades,

not saving our souls.

(residents chattering)

- Myron, I don't think we can remove the Taggerts

based on this information.

It's a private family matter.

- But that son of a bitch is a goddam devil!

And if you don't watch him, he's gonna fuck your wife

just like he's fucking mine.

(residents gasping)

How's that for a private family matter, Gary?

- I am not fucking Andy, Myron.

I'm fucking Joe.

(residents gasping and laughing)

- Bunny.

- Myron, you've treated me terribly for too long now

and I have had it.

We're finished, Myron.

I want a divorce.

- Why, you son of a bitch!

- Hold it right there, Myron. Freeze.

- What are you doing, John?

I'll have your badge.

- You're out of line, Myron.

I am sick and tired

of you telling me and all these other folks

what to do all the time.

- So am I.

- [Residents] Yeah.

- Hey, Myron, why don't you try taking a break

from being such an asshole?

Even God took a rest on the seventh day.

- [Residents] Yeah!

- I'd like to make a proposal

that we remove Myron from the council.

- Hear hear. - That's right.

- [Gary] All in favor of placing Myron McGill

on activity probation

and removing him from the office of the president,

raise your hands.

- [Residents] Yeah.

- Motion carried.

(residents cheering and applauding)

(Myron sighs)

- The Lord works in mysterious ways.

- Mm, we did real good

I think. - Mom, Dad.

Oh man, I just wanna tell you guys I'm sorry.

I didn't, I mean, I didn't wanna lie to you, but-

- Well, it's time we remember who we are.

The Taggerts.

- That's right.

- And our son is a smut peddler.

- Gene. - I'm not

a fricking smut peddler.

I used to be a porn star.

- [Joe] Hey, Andy!

- Used to be?

- Yes, I'll, right there.

I'm gonna... (Marva squealing)

All right, Mom.

- Now, you listen to me.

- Okay. - I love you.

- Love you. - You hear that?

- All right. - And you know what?

You're a pretty good actor.

I thought you were good in that movie. (chuckles)

- Andy! - Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, I'm coming.

(Gene and Marva laughing)

- [Joe] All right. Yeah, hey Betsy, how you doing, darlin'?

- [Bunny] Hi, Andy.

- Andy look, man,

I wanna thank you because that hot sauce

has changed my life.

- And me too. (laughing)

- All right, I'm gonna let you guys in on a little secret.

I made the hot sauce thing up.

- No.

- Yeah.

Well, I learned in the business

that if there's a problem down here,

it's usually a problem up here.

- Wait a minute, you mean that was us?

- It was good. - Well, whatever it takes.

- Yeah. - Oh ho, mm.

- (chuckles) All right, I'm gonna leave you guys alone.

(Bunny laughing)

- Thank you, Andy.

Andy has been very very good to me.

(Bunny laughing) (people chattering)

- [Betsy] So what's next for Andy Taggert?

- (sighs) I don't know.

Just not feeling satisfied.

- About what?

- Well...

The Wagner's, they had a mean dosey doe,

but I think we can take 'em.

What do you say we go get a steak dinner and we turn

that third into a first? (lively music)

- You wanna go square dancing?

(lively whistling music) - You bet your sweet ass I do.

- I like your thinking, Andy.

- I like you.

(upbeat music)

Let's get outta here.

♪ If I told you things I did before ♪

♪ Told you how I used to be

♪ Would go along with someone like me ♪

♪ If you knew my story word for word ♪

♪ Had all my history

♪ Would you go along with someone like me ♪

♪ I did before and had my share ♪

♪ It didn't lead nowhere

♪ I would go along with someone like you ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what you did ♪

♪ Who you were hanging with

♪ We could stick around and see this night through ♪

♪ And we don't care about the young folks ♪

♪ Talking about the young style ♪

♪ And we don't care about the old folks ♪

♪ Talking about the old style too ♪

♪ And we don't care about their own faults ♪

♪ Talking 'bout our own style

♪ All we care about is talking

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Usually when things has gone this far ♪

♪ People tend to disappear

♪ No one wants will surprise me ♪

♪ Unless you do

♪ I can tell there's something going on ♪

♪ Hours seem to disappear

♪ Everyone is leaving, I'm still with you ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what we do

♪ Where we are going to

♪ We can stick around and see this night through ♪

♪ And we don't care about the young folks ♪

♪ Talking about the young style ♪

♪ And we don't care about the old folks ♪

♪ Talking about the old style too ♪

♪ And we don't care about their own faults ♪

♪ Talking about our own style

♪ All we care about is talking

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ And we don't care about the young folks ♪

♪ Talking about our young styles ♪

♪ And we don't care about the old folks ♪

♪ Talking about the old style too ♪

♪ And we don't care about their own faults ♪

♪ Talking about our own style

♪ All we care about is talking

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Talking only me and you

(lively music continues)

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Talking only me and you

♪ Talking only me and you