Original subtitles

I'm so glad we had two children, Axie and Flutie. They're the best brothers.

Those two will be inseparable forever.

When I grow up, I'm going to kill bad guys all day and all night.

Well, big brother, I also want to kill bad guys, but only during the day. At

night, I want to go home to a family.

Bang,

bang, bang, bang, bang.

There, I shot you because you're bad.

That's boring. This is how to kill bad guys.

Yeah, you wish. You'll never be good crime fighters.

Wrong! We will be the best crime fighters ever!

That'll be $15.

No, it won't. Bad guys don't pay.

One day at the scene of a car auction, a guy bought the perfect taxi.

That was the day he became a taxi driver.

I need a dispatcher now.

So he hired his brother.

Hi, I'm Flutie.

Let's get to work. I will drop you folks off!

Whoa, gas prices are through the roof.

How much money did you make today, Axie? I need some good news. Nothing.

Nothing? You didn't pick up any customers?

Of course I picked up customers, but they all ran off without paying.

All right, that's it. I'm calling the cops.

I have a better idea.

Hi. We want to kill bad guys.

Well, then you've come to the right place.

Just sign up here, I'll give you your uniforms, and you'll be cops.

Just like that. Really?

That's it? There's no training? Nope.

Just sign and suit on up.

Well, I think that's something even I can handle.

He's funny.

Woo! Must have shot a million bad guys out there today.

What's up, Anita?

Miss me? Oh, look at this.

What do we got here?

These are our two newest cops.

They signed the form and everything.

There's something about the little fat one. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Wait a second. Little Ray?

Is that you?

Hey, Axie, Flutie. So what have you been doing all these years? Well, I've been

out shooting bad guys with my gun.

Driving a cab.

Seriously? Well, I bet you don't get to kill a lot of bad guys doing that.

Not that you're ever good at that anyway. Not to worry. I'm going to show

the ropes because I know all there is to know about being a cop.

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

What did I tell you, man?

Isn't this awesome?

No. You're just shooting them.

Yeah, that's all us cops do. We shoot bad guys with our guns.

Here, give it a try.

No, that's boring.

Flutie, let's go.

Hey, hey, hey, get back here. That's my cop car.

Oh, wow.

Axie, what are you doing? If we're not going to use guns, how are we going to

kill bad guys?

With that.

The perfect axe.

I'm going to be... Axe Cop!

I could be, uh, you know, I don't know, uh, Flute Cop. Yeah, Flute Cop. You

know, whatever.

I'll change it later. Let's get to chopping.

Oh, whoa!

Look what I just did!

All right!

No, no, no. No, please, please. It contains all of my top secret documents.

That's odd.

I could have sworn you had a head.

I chopped it off.

You're welcome.

My name is Uniman.

I'm from Uniplanet. I'm the smartest man in the universe.

Oh, really?

Well, what brings you to our little old planet?

Uniplanet was taken over by the evil Phatsazon, and it was no longer safe to

live there.

Yeah, well, I got a split. Thanks for saving my life and my important

They're top -secret designs for a dinosaur. I'm giving him rockets for

Mmm, they should be machine guns.

Even better.

Can he fly?

He will now.

And if you try to ride him, he should have spikes that only stab you if you're

bad guy.

Brilliant. Ooh, ooh, and at the end of a long day, he should have a family to go

home to. Let's quit while we're ahead.

If you ever need my help, give me a call. Here's my card.

Hey, I need your daily report on my desk pronto. The thing is, I have nothing to

report. What?

You ain't shot nobody today. Son, you are a disappointment.

Some head -chopping maniac has been getting to the bad guys before I can

him. Enough with the excuses. If you don't start shooting bad guys, I'm going

have to report you to the commissioner of the normal police.

They know me. No, no, no, no, no. I'll shoot bad guys. I promise.

Attention. We have a train robbery in progress at the downtown train station.

On my way.

Actually, scratch that. Someone just chopped the robber's head off. Hmm.

I don't know who this head -chopping vigilante is, but I am going to find

And when I do, I am going to shoot him.

With my gun.

I think I'm going to give that Anita girl from the cop station a call.

She liked my joke. You remember my joke? It was self -deprecating, but not too

self -deprecating. Unless you think it was. You think she hates me?

What the heck?

Last chance, alien baby.

Surrender, or we will shoot you with our guns.

But that's just a baby, and you don't shoot babies.

Axie, you're the head shop at Vigilante? Yes, and I'm taking the alien baby.

Flute cop, now!

Cops, shoot your guns!

Uniman, what can you tell us about this disgusting baby?

Her name is Unibaby. She is from my planet. You can tell by her horn. She

sent to Earth as a distraction by Fatsazon, that bad guy I spoke of

A distraction?

Yes. It's all part of Fatsazon's master plan.

While the normal cops were tracking down Unibaby, he filled Earth's core with

bombs. But if the Earth blows up...

Everyone on the planet will die.

But you can still stop him.

Fats is on return to Uniplanet, and he is getting ready to detonate the bombs.

Uniplanet is very far. We won't make it there on time.

Yes, you will. You can take my dinosaur.

Great. I will call him Wexter. Actually, he already has a name.

Wexter!

To Uniplanet!

Fetz is on. Welcome to Uniplanet, Axe Cop.

I wish I could entertain you, but I'll be busy blowing up the Earth.

Perhaps my army of evil -biting robots will keep you entertained.

I'm evil.

If they bite us, we'll turn evil. By that logic, since we're good guys, if we

bite them, they might turn good. Already ahead of you.

I'm a good guy now.

Now go bite your evil friends, good robot.

Now kill Fat Sazon!

Oh, yeah! You did it! Freeze, smartest brothers.

Oh, hey, Ray.

You can put the gun down.

Axe Top already killed the bad guy. Oh?

Not according to the daily report I'm going to file.

According to that report, Fat Sazon killed both of you. Then I showed up and

killed Fat Sazon with my gun.

Ray, that's not what happened. Lots of things happen the way they don't happen.

That's impossible.

Every morning I drink bulletproof juice, so any bullet that hits me just bounces

off and goes right back into your gun.

Flute Cop, I did it.

Flute Cop?

No!

Unaman, I saved two planets.

Can you save my brother?

Yes, I can put a piece of your brain in his.

But I must warn you, there is one serious side effect.

The surgery is going to involve removing the part of the brain that knows you

two are brothers.

Okay, do it.

Hey, look at that, Anita.

Axe Cop is having tryouts. I've heard that guy's awesome.

Maybe I should try out.

I mean, chances are he wouldn't pick me, but at least I get a chance to meet

him. But, Flute Cop, you're brothers.

Anita, I would think I would know if we were brothers.

You're crazy.

Next.

My name is Flute Cop.

Sign up here.

Just sign?

That's it?

Hey, even I can handle that job, right?

I wish Anita was here. She'd love that job.