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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,340 --> 00:00:05,020 My name is Act Cop. 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,600 I live in a house with two invisible doors. 3 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:11,140 One for my pet dinosaur, and one for me. 4 00:00:11,540 --> 00:00:16,140 I only wear underwear that has a picture of me chopping off a bad guy's head. 5 00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:20,220 When I turn, the picture of me moves, and chops off his head. 6 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:25,740 In the morning, I usually find a broken window, and I see a bad guy getting away 7 00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:26,740 in the distance. 8 00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:32,080 I have a rigorous exercise routine. 9 00:00:33,370 --> 00:00:36,450 I can do an infinite amount of reps of everything. 10 00:00:37,350 --> 00:00:42,930 When I arrive at the Axe Cop station, the first thing I do is print out a list 11 00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:46,290 of bad guys to kill, and then I kill them all. 12 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:55,030 At night, after everyone goes home to be with their families, I go on a night 13 00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:56,030 mission. 14 00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:59,810 I don't work the day shift or the night shift. 15 00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:02,070 I work the always shift. 16 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,760 Because I'm a hero. 17 00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:09,920 One day, at the scene of the fire, the cop found the perfect axe. 18 00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:13,500 That was the day he became... Axe Cop! 19 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,860 I need a partner now. 20 00:01:16,180 --> 00:01:20,760 So he had tryouts and hired a partner. My name is Fleet Cop. The moon is on 21 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,040 fire! I will chop your heads off! 22 00:01:32,979 --> 00:01:33,979 It's 835. 23 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,580 Yeah, you're usually here by 830. 24 00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:38,300 What are you working, banking hours now? 25 00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:39,639 Nailed it. 26 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,580 No, I was on a night mission. 27 00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:46,100 So what bad guy did you kill last night? Actually, I killed two bad guys. They 28 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:47,100 were seventh graders. 29 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:51,000 Unfortunately, their mom, the evil red -headed woman, got away. 30 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,860 Oh, yeah? They don't sound too bad. What'd they do? They stole the 31 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:57,820 good guy machine and turned it into a bad guy machine. 32 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,900 Oh, that actually sounds pretty bad. 33 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:03,560 Socorang, lock the bad guy machine in the unbreakable vault. 34 00:02:03,780 --> 00:02:04,780 Hello, 35 00:02:05,380 --> 00:02:06,380 Flute Cop here. 36 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,259 Oh, Axe Cop, it's the United States President, and he wants to talk to you. 37 00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:12,280 What do you want? 38 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,600 Okay. 39 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,360 What did the president say? He thanked me for getting his bad guy machine back 40 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:22,620 and is declaring tomorrow National Axe Cop Day. Does that mean we get tomorrow 41 00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:25,760 off? Hey, bros, let's all take a vacation together. 42 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:31,360 I hate vacations. Come on, Axe Cop. You need a break more than any of us. Not 43 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:36,320 gonna happen. What if I told you I happen to have this cake coupon right 44 00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:40,340 It's good at any beach resort in the whole world. Yeah, you could think of it 45 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:41,340 a vacation. 46 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,300 Hmm. A cake vacation? 47 00:02:44,170 --> 00:02:46,030 Flute Cop, we'll use your miles. 48 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:52,890 I'll have an apple juice, no ice. Do you have chocolate milk? 49 00:02:53,430 --> 00:02:54,690 Oop, this is me. 50 00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:58,750 Just give me my keys. 51 00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,110 I'm sorry, your room won't be ready until four. 52 00:03:01,370 --> 00:03:03,970 What am I supposed to do for two hours? 53 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:17,080 Front desk, how can I assist you? I need 30 TV sets and 30 VCRs brought to my 54 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,500 room so I can watch movies I made of me fighting. 55 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,820 I like to study all my moves. 56 00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:24,040 I'm also going to need a birthday cake. 57 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,580 I have a coupon. 58 00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:33,740 You have got to be kidding me! 59 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:36,380 Who makes these machines? 60 00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:37,740 Bad guys? 61 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,220 Axe Cop, is that you? 62 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:40,880 Super Axe? Man! 63 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:45,580 I haven't seen you since fighting college. If I'm not mistaken, that was 64 00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:49,500 ten years ago. Don't you know it? But nothing has changed. 65 00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:51,080 I'm exactly the same. 66 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,240 Oh, we used to tear it up back then. 67 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:59,240 All night battles, chopathons. Remember the punching finals? How can I forget? 68 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,820 A kick is a punch from a foot. 69 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,300 Man. 70 00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:07,210 So what brings you to Hawaii? 71 00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:09,370 My team and I are on vacation. 72 00:04:09,890 --> 00:04:10,890 That sounds fun. 73 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,870 What about you? I'm here celebrating my anniversary. 74 00:04:14,090 --> 00:04:16,810 You've chopped 10 million heads already? 75 00:04:17,370 --> 00:04:18,370 Congratulations! 76 00:04:18,709 --> 00:04:21,649 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I haven't chopped a head in ages. 77 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,410 It's my wedding anniversary. 78 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:27,930 Ha! You always were super funny, Super Axe. I'm serious. 79 00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:32,130 But you should be out killing bad guys. You're a hero. 80 00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,750 Not anymore, I'm not. Now I'm a husband. 81 00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:38,630 Oh, speaking of which, the wife and I have this couple's spa treatment right 82 00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:40,110 about now, so I gotta run. 83 00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:41,470 See you later. 84 00:04:42,190 --> 00:04:43,370 I remember that. 85 00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:46,190 Oh, that's a good move. 86 00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:49,090 What the heck? 87 00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:50,450 Hello! 88 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,709 Axe Cop! 89 00:04:51,710 --> 00:04:55,350 Remember me? Of course I do. You're the evil red -headed woman. 90 00:04:55,570 --> 00:04:58,030 I killed your children because they were evil. 91 00:04:58,250 --> 00:04:59,390 Are you enjoying your vacation? 92 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:00,689 Now I'm not. 93 00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:02,910 Oh, that's a shame. Because I am. 94 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,120 I spent National Axe Cop days stealing back my bad guy machine. But it was 95 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,100 locked in my unbreakable vault. 96 00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:14,800 A mother with a broken heart can break any unbreakable vault. And now that I 97 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:19,060 have my bad guy machine, I'm going to go back in time and I'm going to turn 98 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:22,940 everyone evil. And that includes you. 99 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:29,220 Oh, I miss my 100 00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:30,420 son. 101 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,780 We need to go on an important mission! 102 00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:38,999 Axe Cop! 103 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,420 I knew you wanted to come down to the beach! 104 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,460 Hey, have you ever had coconut water? It's the water inside a coconut. 105 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,960 And you drink it! 106 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,800 That's too much potassium. 107 00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:51,540 Now let's go! 108 00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:54,740 Hey, come on, Axe Cop. I thought we were on vacation. 109 00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:57,460 Fine. You guys stay here. 110 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,720 I know a real hero that can help save the world. 111 00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,740 Super Axe! Oh, hey, Axe Cop! 112 00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:08,850 Tracy, this is my old college buddy I was telling you about. Hey, Axe Cop, 113 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:12,230 heard so much about you. Pull up a chair and join us. 114 00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:19,010 No time. Super Axe and I are going back in time to the year 0000 to stop the red 115 00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:20,930 -headed woman from turning everyone evil. 116 00:06:21,890 --> 00:06:25,550 Sorry, Axe Cop, but we do not want to miss the luau tonight. 117 00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:30,090 Whoa, buddy, what are you doing? There's kids around. Don't worry. It's a time 118 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,090 portal gun. 119 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,880 Oh, I forgot to put on sunblock. Gray diamond, am I red? Oh, you're getting 120 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:37,880 cooked. 121 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:39,340 This is weird. 122 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:43,640 The beginning of time should be teeming with talking good animals. 123 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:47,100 Weird? What's weird is you can't take a hint, Axe Cop. 124 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,320 I'm not a hero anymore. 125 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:54,740 Of course you are. Don't you remember what Professor Teville taught us? Once a 126 00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:56,640 hero, always a hero. 127 00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:01,100 But I traded my axe for a wedding ring. Don't you remember what else he taught 128 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:04,290 us? Always carry a spare axe. 129 00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:06,610 Fine. 130 00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:09,610 Axe cop, over here. Talking fraud. 131 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,910 Where are all your good brothers and sisters? 132 00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:17,770 The red -headed woman captured them. She turned them all evil. I alone have 133 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,830 escaped to tell you. Where is she now? 134 00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:22,730 She's up there, at the center of all time. 135 00:07:23,150 --> 00:07:24,870 I'll take you. All right, let's go. 136 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:28,670 Boy, I'm glad you guys got here when you did. The only reason I survived this 137 00:07:28,670 --> 00:07:32,630 long is because I buried myself in the dead carcass of my brother. But now that 138 00:07:32,630 --> 00:07:34,130 you're here, I know I'm safe. 139 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,790 Oh, no, an evil Griffith! 140 00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:39,050 Let's go! 141 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:46,010 Once I put this good frog through the bad guy machine, everyone throughout 142 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:48,630 will be turned evil for... 143 00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:53,430 Stop right there, evil red -headed woman. You're too late, Axe Cop. 144 00:07:55,390 --> 00:07:56,670 Help me, Axe Cop. 145 00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:02,290 Everyone throughout time is now evil. 146 00:08:02,670 --> 00:08:04,790 Who wants to fight? 147 00:08:05,030 --> 00:08:07,990 I do. No, we do. 148 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,720 riding a gorilla, riding a lion. 149 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:37,740 Remember our senior thesis from fighting college? 150 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:41,679 You mean when you put two axes together, it forms a super blue diamond axe? 151 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,380 But that was just a theory. 152 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,940 No! 153 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:53,980 Bye -bye, red -headed woman. Don't you mean dead -headed woman. 154 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,340 Oh, man. 155 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,960 I knew you still had it in you. This was actually pretty fun. 156 00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:05,710 I can't wait to tell Tracy that her husband still has a little hero left in 157 00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:07,010 You can't tell Tracy. 158 00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:10,710 What do you mean, X -Cot? We've killed everyone at the beginning of time. 159 00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:13,090 Tracy doesn't exist anymore. 160 00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:14,550 What? 161 00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:15,630 Oh, no. 162 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:21,510 Terrible. I know, but don't worry. We can find more bad guys to kill on other 163 00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:23,610 planets. Have you ever killed an alien? 164 00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,510 It's different, but still fun. 165 00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:27,010 I can't believe it. 166 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,880 I thought you were a hero, Super Axe. 167 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:41,400 Super Axe, what's going on? Tracy! 168 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:46,460 Axe Cop showed up right before the pork was coming out and transported me here? 169 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:51,060 He said something about me and you living at the center of time and 170 00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,060 the world? 171 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,040 God, you were right. He is crazy. 172 00:09:55,540 --> 00:09:56,720 He's not crazy. 173 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,320 He's a hero. 174 00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:05,240 Some people have other things to do. 175 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:06,879 Not me. 176 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,980 Hey honey, I'm home. 177 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,600 Some people have families. 178 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,900 Not me. Some people even have friends. 179 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,540 Not me. 180 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,460 My name is Axe Cop. 181 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:22,740 I don't work the day shift or the night shift. I work the always shift. 182 00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:24,680 Because I'm a hero. 183 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,420 And everyone else isn't. 13639