Original subtitles

Well, back to the daily grind.

Yep.

Cash the unemployment check,

buy a beer, drink it, fall asleep on the couch.

Still can't seem to get ahead.

Yep.

Whoa. Check it out, Beavis.

It's a free couch.

Whoa, that's cool.

Lucky day.

Whoa.

This is so much cooler than our couch.

Yeah, it looks like nobody's ever fallen asleep

and peed on it.

Not even once!

If we had this couch in our apartment,

we could finally start inviting chicks over and stuff.

And then they'll want to sit on our couch.

Yeah.

And then sit on me.

Yeah, cool.

I'll take this end.

OK.

And you take that end.

Uh, no.

Oh. Really?

That sucks.

Hurry up already, dumbass.

Oh, God.

Welcome to my micro cabin.

It's where I keep my micro penis.

Wait a minute. That's his house?

Oh, boy.

He's like, I wanna feel like I'm living in my car,

but not be able to actually go anywhere.

This mailbox is actually a kids' lunchbox from the 1960s.

I was out cruising around looking for a mailbox.

I was out cruising around, looking for a mailbox for it.

And I saw a little kid going to school,

and I said, uh, that lunchbox is mine now.

Run along.

You can find another lunchbox.

I need this for the shipping crate I live in.

It'll double the size of my home.

Yeah, in all seriousness, though, Butt-Head,

I don't think he's ever gonna score.

Yeah.

Nope.

Because of the added room because of the pop top.

When he meets girls, he's like,

come on back to my house, baby.

You can stand all the way up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chicks are probably like, uh, glasses-on-hat guy,

I wanna score with you back at your house.

And he's like, hmm, well,

I'm gonna have to measure you first.

You can bang your head on the ceiling,

and then you can bang me.

Yeah, but hurry up,

because we only have 15 minutes of air.

There's probably not enough room for you,

me, and my boner, so one of us

is going to have to wait outside.

And I'm thinking me.

I have my kitchen area.

Yeah, maybe I can set the mood

by heating up some canned food for you.

Yeah.

Maybe a little Chef Boyardee.

I put the D in Chef Boyardee.

And magnets, oh, I got 'em, yeah.

Hey, baby. Check out what we're doing.

Are you moving?

Yeah, no one peed on this couch.

You're finally leaving.

Tonight, I am bringing friends over

and we are having a party to celebrate.

This is fantastic.

Whoa. Did you hear that?

She's gonna come back with a bunch of chicks

and party with us.

This couch is working even better than I thought.

Yeah, we better get it up the stairs fast.

And then we'll get it up.

That's right.

Nothing to it but to do it.

Come on, Beavis.

You're making me do all the work.

Um, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Yeah? Uh, what?

Oh, this is really heavy.

Like, can we take a rest for a second?

Uh, sure.

I've been resting for, like, five minutes.

Feels good to take a load off.

Ah! No!

Nice job, dumbass.

You dropped it.

OK, OK. Here's my idea.

We pull the couch up with this string.

Whoa. That's a good idea, asswipe.

Yeah, make sure you tie it really tight.

Like with a knot, you know?

Shut up, Beavis.

I know what I'm doing.

Just take this here.

Rabbit goes around the tree.

Just tighten this.

OK, is the string tied to the couch?

Beavis, you dumbass, your dumb string doesn't work.

It tied me up or something.

I think if you unwrap it

from around your butt or something, and then, like--

Beavis, get down here and untie your dumb string.

OK.

Um, give me a second.

I think my head's caught in the railing.

I can't get it out.

I don't care.

Nah, don't worry.

This happened all the time when I was a kid.

You just have to come up here

and put peanut butter on my ears.

Damn it. I'm gonna come up there and kick your ass.

Ah! Butt-Head, help! Ah!

Ah! - Oh, no.

Uh-- - Ah!

Butt-Head! Ah, no!

Damn it, Beavis. Look what you did.

Oh.

That's better.

Are my ears still on?

Beavis, I'm gonna kill you.

We can't get the couch up the steps, Butt-Head.

Uh, yeah, I know.

Well, I guess some guys

just aren't meant to have a cool couch and--

and to have chicks come sit on it

and maybe sit on their schlongs.

No, Beavis.

Shut up.

This is our one chance to score with Donna

and her dumb friends.

And that's only the beginning.

After we score with them,

we're gonna move up to chicks who are even hotter

because chicks will, like, know we do it.

Beavis, we are going to get that couch in our apartment.

Yeah! Yeah, Butt-Head! Yeah, let's do it!

Yeah!

That's right, Beavis.

Let's do this. - Yeah!

Yeah.

We did it. OK, wait.

Now, just gonna unlock the door.

We can do it, Beavis.

Yeah, let's go.

Easy does it.

Almost there.

We did it! Yeah, we finally did it.

Oh, boy.

Um.

Um, Butt-Head, um,

I think we're in the wrong apartment.

Uh--oh, yeah.

We did it, Butt-Head.

Now, we're finally gonna score.

Yeah.

Yep.

All we gotta do is wait for the chicks.

I am so happy those two losers moved out.

You can't believe what a relief it is that

they're finally--

Goddamn it!

What did they do to my apartment?

Oh, damn it!

Uh, we're not gonna score.

Yep.

These guys are unbelievable!

Chirp.