Original subtitles

♪ You want to turn this shit out That's what I'm talking about ♪

♪ You want to turn this shit out That's what I'm talking about ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Aren't either of us gonna orgasm?

You want that little extra?

What little extra?

Maybe see you later?

Is, uh, something wrong, or…?

No, it's nothing. Just something with the light.

Something with the light?

No. I mean, it's just you were…

You were much prettier in the dark, but in the light…

I mean, there's something that just doesn't feel right.

DIARY OF A DITCHED GIRL

I thought you went on a really great date the other day?

Well, he never replied.

What about the basketball guy?

He dissed me.

I read a story about this girl whose only requirement

was that every boy she dated was able to carry her 50 meters.

-I thought that was brilliant! -That's smart.

Mom, are you coming?

Oh, look.

It might be a good idea to stay on Tinder then, no?

-There! The pièce de résistance. -Oh.

-Why is Lonely Dead Tiger here? -Yeah, wasn't he on your shit list?

My God, so judgmental.

Listen, he's been so sad lately, that he just wasn't able to reach out.

-Is he coming with us, or what? -No, no. I'm gonna stay here with him.

-What?! -We have a whole week's work to complete!

Oh, come on! You'll be fine. You'll have it up in one hour.

Bullshit! We need help.

You know what? Men that old are at risk, okay?

At risk of what?

Of what? Of…

Come on. You don't seriously think he's gonna kill himself?

I don't know, but I'm not risking it

'cause I refuse to have that on my conscience.

As if we're going to…

-Okay. -You got this!

We really need to talk to her.

-Do you agree? Hello? -Yeah.

Seriously,

why don't these guys upload good profile photos? So weird.

I don't know.

-Oh my God, look at this. -What the fuck is that? It's gross!

So weird. Oh!

Did you swipe right?

Did you swipe right?

-You're so fucking annoying. -I'll be careful.

-Can you just put it away? -What an interesting character.

No! Do you even know what it means to do all that swiping?

-Amanda… -No!

'Cause then I've gotta get a new fucking outfit,

I have to buy beers, I have to speak to these people.

And what if the guy was Emil Wester?

What are you saying?

I disgust him.

Well, he swiped right on you.

You just matched.

Wow, he's good-looking.

There's only ten minutes. We're not gonna make it!

Shh! We will.

-How's it going? -We are just about done.

-It's gonna be good. -This is quite a big client, so…

-Absolutely. We know that. Yup. -Yes, we know.

Bye.

-We're fine. It's fine. -Ah!

Mom packed a green one. What the hell?

What the hell is going on? For God's sake, Mom!

That'll look fucking ugly.

What the fuck, Mom!

Wow! I'm so impressed.

Really. It looks so great!

-Wow! -I know, right?

We only work with the best.

A little something extra to say thanks.

-Thank you! -Thanks.

Ooh. A little gold jar.

Shh.

And you'll be getting some Botox, yeah?

Sorry?

Well, the first 30 clients get a free injection too.

Okay…

How does this sound?

"Hey, Mom. Let's have a talk about our work environment soon."

"I'll get coffee and pastries. Does this date and time work for you?"

I guess I could add "Love you," too.

"Love you."

-Is that…? -Is this the new normal?

Botox instead of face cream?

I'm sending it now.

Could you answer in the thread to say you're available

and that you think it's a good idea?

What the hell?

How old is that girl?

I mean, that is just not right.

No way.

Not only will your forehead be smoother…

Hello.

What… Like, what is this?

Are you planning on injecting a minor? A little girl?

Sweetie, you don't need this. You can leave.

You're pretty just the way you are. You're…

Come on, aren't you ashamed of yourself?

I'm not giving her Botox.

Really? I mean, good.

This is a consultation, so she can come back and see us

when she's turned 18.

-Okay? -That is insane!

You realize what you're saying is insane?

-No one's being forced. -Sure!

-It is a personal choice. Okay, sweetie? -But it's not a personal choice!

We all get dragged into this shit because of this stuff!

I'm 30, but then someone else goes and gets Botox

and wow, they look like they're 20.

-Do you understand? -True.

But isn't that what people want?

I mean, look.

This here.

Five Botox shots.

Five Botox shots would eliminate it.

You'd look beautiful.

-See? -Fine!

Just be morons and keep contributing to this bullshit. Go ahead!

I don't give a shit, so…

Hey.

Right. So, as I was saying, you can continue with this prepping cream…

-Hey. -Hey.

Are you…

-What? -Are you…

-Oh God, no! It's a… -No?

-A work thing. So, I built that. -Ah!

-Yeah, yeah. -Shit.

-Right? -Looks so good.

-Oh, thank you. -Yeah.

So…

You know they also do good things. I mean they're not just superficial.

They have goodwill projects too, in developing countries, so, um…

They do cleft palate surgeries, things like that.

Wow, that's… that's really wonderful.

So that's cool.

Sure is.

We've matched on Tinder.

Yeah. We did.

But it's no big deal, right?

Right. It isn't.

Ouch.

-I mean, just because we're friends. So… -Yeah, of course.

I guess we're not technically friends, but we know each other.

And you swipe right on people you know just to be nice. That's all.

Right.

-Well, look at that! -Yeah.

-The Phantom! -Nostalgic.

Or something like that.

Anyway, I… I'm gonna go.

Seriously? You too?

No! I mean, I'm going to the sports store.

Oh, thank God.

Gonna grab this.

-Take care. See you around. -Sure. See ya.

-God! -Emil fucking Wester.

Cut it out!

Hey.

That lipstick's nice on you.

-Really? -Course, it's really pretty.

-What's it for? -I've got a date with a scientist.

Oh, nice! That's great.

Well, you look super cute.

I'm gonna show you something real quick. Hang on. Filip and I have done this.

Ta-da!

A cozy little love nest!

Oh, so nice.

And we've also bought a new lamp.

I'll send you the link now.

Wait a sec.

Look, I'm in a rush. Let's talk later.

Oh, okay. Good luck!

-Sure. See ya. -See you.

HI! NICE SEEING YOU EARLIER.

HI! GREAT SEEING YOU TOO.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON TINDER? ANY LUCK?

I'VE GOT A DATE NOW.

ASK ME AGAIN IN A FEW HOURS

NICE! ME TOO.

NICE. GOOD LUCK!

YOU TOO!

When my Mom died, you know,

that was the very first time I felt lonely.

God, that's really sad.

I'm sorry.

Did that make you, I don't know, fear death after that?

-What do you mean? -I just think… Well, I really fear death.

Like, I'm really scared of not existing.

That's a problem you just can't solve.

Right. That's right.

That's stupid.

I suppose that's why I fear death.

HOW'S THE DATE?

I'm sorry. Just a work thing.

IS IT RUDE TO LEAVE AFTER ONE BEER?

THAT BAD?

How's your mom?

AND YOU?

Alive, or…

She isn't.

MY DATE IS LIKE 15 YEARS OLDER THAN HER PROFILE SAID.

RUN!

I'm sorry. Oh my God, no! Mom is very much alive.

Very much so. Yes, she is.

I'm sorry, but…

Did you just look at my…

look at my hairline?

No! Of course not. I wasn't looking.

I don't… I hadn't…

I mean, I'm only looking because we're talking about it.

Okay, well that was really nice. I mean, wasn't it?

We should… stay in touch.

I don't… I don't think that's a good idea. We're on pretty different levels.

Take care of yourself.

ESCAPED MY DATE ALIVE. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

-Oh! -Hey.

-God. -Hey.

Hey.

-So are you going out? -No.

-I mean, I've just been on a date. -Ah.

Yep. So…

So, now I'm buying breakfast.

Breakfast for two then? Or…

No! It's for me. There's nobody else.

It's just me. I'm a very hungry person.

-Okay. Sure. -Yes.

-Uh, good. -Yeah.

-Good luck with the hunger. -Oh, thanks.

ESCAPED MY DATE ALIVE. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

-Let's go with red wine. Yes. -Sure.

Fuck it, I'm just gonna text the scientist.

Seriously?

Is that crazy, if I'm not even that interested?

Yeah, a little bit.

-No, we've all been there before. -It's understandable, it's just not…

I just really wanna have someone!

And you will have someone.

What if you match with that faceless guy on Tinder?

Wait, huh?

Okay, who's this faceless guy?

Just some creepy freak that Adina swiped right on.

But why is he faceless?

-He didn't upload a photo. -I see.

-Okay, so what have you seen of him? -Well, absolutely nothing!

-Not even his body? -No.

-That's wild! -Yeah, that's what I said.

-Crazy. -Wait a second.

Am I an incel?

What?

-What the hell? -Am I?

Am I that person who just sits around at home, watching weird porn?

You know, somebody that nobody ever wants.

-I mean, no! Obviously! -No!

-Are you serious? -What kind of question is that?

She's gone insane.

You're not serious?

I mean, you're not even listening.

-Do you watch weird porn? -I don't.

-Hey. -Hey.

-Hi. -There's no such thing as a girl incel.

-Hey. -Hey.

Look at that.

I missed you.

Nice sweater.

Thanks.

Wait, what? Is it yours?

-Yeah! -No way.

-Sorry, thought it was Adina's. -No! Looks better on you.

-Really. -You look really good.

-I'm a little jealous. -I'll change later.

-Bye, sweetie. -Bye, see you soon.

Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Oh, are you staying over?

Yep.

You can stay over too. The couch is comfy.

No, I'll go.

You're welcome to stay.

-Can I have a hug? -Yep.

-Bye. -Bye.

Talk later.

All right.

I'm unplugging the hall lamp.

Now, I'm unplugging the yellow lamp.

-Hang on, has it gotten worse? -I'm unplugging the TV.

-Oh, she didn't say? -I'm unplugging the reading lamp.

Didn't say what?

Well, after that Fluff fire, it's gotten bad.

-Unplugging the window lamp. -It's bad. Um…

I thought she'd spoken to you.

Filip, can you come check with me?

Yeah, coming!

See ya.

I'm unplugging the second window lamp.

CBT

-Sorry I'm late. -It's okay.

-I brought pastries and stuff. -Oh, nice.

Was it…

No, I just… had to do some things.

Yesterday, I thought maybe you…

What?

So, what? You think that I'm a problem for the business, or some shit like that?

We don't think that.

-We really don't. -We're not saying that at all.

We just feel that lately, there have been a number of…

incidents that need addressing.

Because--

-Can you turn it off? -Yeah, of course.

We both just think that it's important

for us to agree on rules and expectations in terms of work effort.

Hang on, what incidents?

The job was a success.

Yeah, but it almost turned into a disaster.

It was good. It went well.

-It was… -It did not.

Right. But it felt good.

And you think that was my fault?

Well, we don't wanna point fingers. But…

Listen, we just need everyone to agree

that when we're at work, we work.

-Hello. Amanda, come on! -What?

Do you agree?

When we're here, we're here, and that's very nice.

There've been several occasions where you've been at work, but you haven't…

You've just been on your phone, messing around.

-I mean, oh, okay. -Not really. No.

-I understand. I read you loud and clear. -Good. Well, thanks.

But some people choose to be there for other humans as well as their work.

I mean, can you please just stop it?

And sometimes I like to prioritize my fellow humans,

but I won't do that anymore.

So…

-How's Tiger been feeling? -Well, he's struggling.

Okay.

Fuck, this is difficult!

What are you doing? Stop kissing ass.

-Ugh, shit! -I'm not kissing…

Yes, you are.

-Listen. -Uh-huh?

I'm not doing this anymore.

Right. Oh, okay.

-You've gotta apologize. -I will not.

-Can't you just-- -If she wants to be a baby, let her.

-Please. I'm begging you. -Jesus, Ama--

Uh, look, sorry if I hurt your feelings, Mom.

Of course I want you to stay with the business.

Thank you, sweetie.

Oh, that's good to hear.

-It's us three! -Us three.

-Love you. -Yeah.

Let's try this again. These actually aren't that heavy.

Yeah. It's just how you carry them.

Exactly.

SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING. I'VE BEEN BUSY WITH BAD DATES.

I KNOW THE FEELING.

NOT GETTING ANY BETTER, THEN?

IF YOU ASK ME, TINDER SUCKS.

WANT TO TRY AND CHANGE THAT?

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

WANT TO TRY ONE DATE, ME AND YOU?

LET'S DO IT.

♪ Hey there, what you doing? We should keep it moving ♪

♪ We don't gotta make plans Let's get going tonight ♪

♪ All right, hang on tight ♪

♪ We can go to Frisco ♪

♪ Dancing at the disco ♪

♪ Light up on the floor Like squares in the mirror ball ♪

RED OR WHITE?

BOTH.

-Hi. -Hey, hi.

-Come in. -Yeah.

-You can just push it. -All right.

Yeah.

-Wow. -Yeah.

Nice.

So… are you ready?

You were serious about strip ping pong?

Yeah. Uh…

Wait, did you think I was kidding?

-Fuck! -No, it's…

Okay, so I'm very embarrassed right now.

Hey, by the way.

-Are you ready? -Yeah, come on. Hurry up.

Don't rush me now.

-Okay, but I mean… -Come on!

And…

Fuck, man!

-Okay. -All right.

It's fine.

There you go.

-You ready? -Yeah.

I'm gonna win every fucking point from now on.

That didn't count.

That didn't fucking count.

-Let's carry on. -Okay, okay.

-Ah! No! -It's your turn!

Finally! A-man-da! A-man…

Dammit!

Fine!

Damn. It's stuck.

I'm not falling for that.

-But it is stuck. -Right!

It is!

There.

Can I…?

-Oh, boy. -Yeah…

Is it your turn to serve?

Or we could…

Or we could do what?

I can't think of anything.

Never mind. It's okay.

-You okay? -Uh-huh.

You good?

Is it…

Sweaty?

No. You're okay.

Should I shower?

There's no need.

I can if you wanna.

Uh, sure. If you wanna. But…

Only if you want.

-I want you to do what you want. -Okay, but… Okay.

You don't need to shower.

-Hey. -Sorry.

Hey, do not apologize.

-I think I wanna shower. -Okay.

I'm sorry.

It's morning.

Just say if you… if you want me to go.

-Are you going? -No, but…

If you want me to, just say.

Okay.

Right.

I just meant because…

I mean, because you… you had a really long shower

and now it's morning.

You can just go.

Okay.

Are things cool with us?

Yeah, of course.

I mean, was it really that bad?

It was awful.

That doesn't have to mean anything though.

Message him now and suggest another date.

-No. -Yeah.

You text him now. Just say hello.

Like nothing happened. Just write something.

Okay.

-Like nothing happened. -Yes.

Yes.

-What is it? -I can't find him in the app.

-What? -He's not there.

-He unmatched me. -He didn't unmatch you, Amanda.

Let me see.

It's a bug, that's all.

You've just gotta turn it off and on. Mm.

Hmm.

Nope.

Hang on. Um…

It's that thing that… What's the word? It's just shit.

It's a shit app and sometimes people disappear from your matches.

Hang on. No, he hasn't unmatched you.

Hey, where's Adina?

-Uh, she's working out. -Okay.

-You okay? -Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just gonna grab something.

I was thinking… Um…

About the… I've found a group therapy thing.

-For Adina. -Perfect. That's wonderful.

I've been, um… looking into that too.

Um…

-What are you looking for? -The special mug.

-What mug? -The special birthday one!

Oh, uh, it's there.

Here.

Thanks.

It's a really nice family tradition you have,

passing that mug from one person to another for their birthday.

Amanda?

Hey. Hey.

You okay?

Hey…

Do you, like… Do you want a cup of tea?

You can sit in the love nest and I'll bring--

Sit in the love nest? No, I don't want to.

Right. Obviously not.

Sorry.

-Sorry. -Hey, it's…

-Don't… -I'm gonna go.

You could… Amanda?

Go away.

What?

You're a sex freak. Leave me the fuck alone.

What are you talking about?

About the fact that you showed me your dick and you ruined my life!

-I'm sorry. -I don't want your apology!

My life's fucked!

Tomorrow is my fucking birthday. And I… It's just gonna be shit.

So go away! Please, just go!

I know it's wrong, but…

I'm just so fucking lonely.

So what? We're all lonely! Will you just leave me alone?

-Okay. -I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for yelling at you like that.

It's okay.

It's fine.

But hey…

Would you, uh…

like my number?

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY AMANDA ROMARE