Original subtitles

Shit! Shit!

Come on!

LAUNDRY ROOM

-Oh. Hey. -Hey.

I'm running late, sorry. Is it okay if I use the dryer?

-Oh, sure. It's fine. -Sweet. Thanks.

I see you… come here quite often.

Uh, yep. Wait, what do you mean actually?

-Not many clothes. -Oh, right. I do, yeah.

You don't come often, do you?

-Oh, yeah. Never. -Never?

-Only today. -I see.

'Cause it's, uh, my birthday.

-It's your birthday? -Yeah.

-Congrats. -Thanks.

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's been a lot better than last year, when I broke my foot.

-That's fucked. -So far, so good!

Well, I am spending the day bleeding all the building's radiators.

I'm so happy I joined the board.

-Oh, how cool! That sounds really, uh… -Yeah. I know, right?

-Oh, it sounds wonderful. -Yeah. Pretty good, I guess.

Well, if you need help,

or a little assistant who's pretty adept with a spanner…

Good to know.

Bye.

DIARY OF A DITCHED GIRL

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Amanda! Happy birthday to you ♪

Woo-hoo! Happy birthday sweetie.

-Thirty-one! Thirty-one! -You okay?

I'm okay.

It's your birthday!

-Thank you, guys. -Forget about Emil. This is your day.

Yeah.

-Oh, great. The birthday mug. -And here are the cards.

You look so stressed out.

-Mom, come on. -What? She does.

-Or she's a little run down at least. -Just stop it.

Yeah, well, that's why I turned down that job from park management.

What?

-Did I forget to say? -Yeah.

They called and asked us to rebuild all the outdoor furniture

on every single street in Malmö.

Impossible.

-You turned it down? -Uh-huh.

Oh my God.

Well, I put my foot down so you wouldn't burn out.

Mom, we're burning out because we're broke. So, yeah.

Come on, girls, I…

I don't know why you always have to make me out to be the bad guy.

-I don't get it. -Mom, please.

Filip, I mean, you know how hard the girls work.

No, Filip knows how poor we are.

Is your father on his way or…

So I know how many plates we need.

-Is he coming? -Yeah! He said he was coming.

Well, that's wonderful. Thanks.

Okay, let's cheer for the birthday girl.

-Hooray! -Hip hip…

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

That park furniture job would have been perfect.

Why the hell didn't she check with us?

I feel like I'd look younger if I wasn't working with Mama.

Yeah.

You know, it might be a good time to change some things at work.

Just to make some more money.

Fuck, yes. Send Mom away for an HR training course.

But, um…

I was thinking we could try some other things too.

Like what?

Like making costumes or stuff.

But only you sew.

Yeah, it would be a separate department.

Like, my own thing, you know?

-Like your own thing? -We'd get twice as much work.

And more money.

It's not very "us."

-Come on, how are costumes that different? -Hi! There he is!

-Happy birthday, you. -Thank you.

-You look gorgeous. -Do I?

-Hey, Pops. -Hi, honey.

-Wow, it looks so good. -Yeah.

-Thanks. -Is that a… pancake cake?

-Mm-hmm. -Oh.

Open it, open it, open it!

Ta-da!

Oh my God!

Filip and I made it together.

I helped a little bit.

But Adina did most of the work. I did a little painting.

-Oh, and it says Amanda! -Uh-huh.

-What is it, darling? -It's a table, Dad!

Obviously, it's a table!

-It's like a little side table. -It's so pretty. Thanks, guys.

So, this is from me.

-Oh! -Mm… …and me.

Oh yeah?

No. It's from me.

What? It was meant to be from both of us.

What would we do that for?

Well, you told me…

No, I didn't.

I told you that it was on her wish list, and that Mom was buying it.

-Well, yeah. -Right.

Not as a combined thing.

Okay.

Well, I don't have anything.

Right. Because you didn't get her one.

Here I go.

-Mom! Oh my God! -Yes!

-No way! They're so hard to find. -I know, I know.

It was either this or the vinyl on your wish list, but I went for this.

No, definitely this. Yeah!

-Do you like it? -Oh, yes! Thank you so much.

I bought you dinner the other day.

That was kind of a birthday gift.

What dinner?

You know, when I came down and we went to Old Town.

-And you ordered whatever you wanted. -Oh, yeah.

Of course, that dinner. Thanks.

-You're welcome. -That doesn't count.

-Isn't that enough? -What do you mean, "enough"?

They had two glasses of wine each!

I take the girls to dinner all the time.

And what do you get them?

-I think we need another one. I'll get it. -Some lentil soup?

I can't believe you showed up empty-handed. Unbelievable.

I just thought I might as well let you in,

seeing as I was already on my way up here, and, uh…

-Anyway… -Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

No way! Is that Middle-earth?

Yeah, my sister drew it.

-Nice! -Here, let's see.

I'm actually working my way through IMDb's Top 250.

I think The Return of the King is number five.

Number five?

I've always wanted to do that, you know?

-Get through that whole list. -Mm.

You can go back downstairs if you want, I've got this.

Oh, no! It's fine. Do they even pay you?

Well, I get, like, 50 bucks a year,

for jobs like this and other fun stuff like, you know, chasing rats.

Really?

DARING TO SWIPE RIGHT ON A FACELESS GUY

So that's what the job is.

By the way, if you want company for that project of yours,

you know where I am.

I'm here.

It could be nice to have a project partner.

-For encouragement. -Exactly.

-I mean, it's a lot of movies to-- -All done!

You won't have to wear a coat inside.

You've just saved my winter!

No worries.

Listen, there's cake if you want some. Downstairs.

Oh, sure.

-You want some? -I'd love some cake.

-Sure, uh-huh. -Okay, cool.

All right.

Well, that wasn't too bad.

We've drawn worse cards for sure.

Right? It gives you hope for the future. Rikard, it's your turn.

No, no, no! No way. Last time, it ended in divorce.

Don't you think that was good?

Well, I guess.

-Hey, there. Your turn. -Okay.

It's our birthday tradition. You have to do it.

Ooh!

-Ooh! -The Magician.

Hello! Do you know what it means?

You're gonna be embracing the true divine the entire year.

Even though I'm atheist?

Absolutely! We're all atheist, that doesn't matter.

It's more about daring to see life's real beauty.

And it's about getting what you want and your dreams coming true.

-Very nice. Yeah. -Yeah.

-Okay, you can pick another card. -Yes!

-I'd love to. I would. -No!

But… the bleeding.

-Your entire future depends on this card. -Right but my salary depends on radiators.

-Happy birthday. Mm. -Bye!

Oh. My. God!

Amanda!

-He is gorgeous. -You really think so?

Do you think the dream stuff was embarrassing?

-No! No, I don't. -Not at all. I think he was into it.

-I think it's time for me to… -Are you going now?

Yeah. I'm afraid I've got some work stuff to, well, finish.

-Not going to Gustav's school thing? -No, no.

Well, I guess…

now that you mention it.

I could stop by for a while.

But I… I won't be going straight there, uh…

But I still got to celebrate my little Amanda, didn't I?

-Oh! Jesus, careful! -Sorry.

Hey, listen. Thanks for coming, Dad.

-Yeah. Happy birthday. -Yeah.

-Bye. -Bye.

That was so shitty of Dad.

-Yeah. The gift thing? -Yeah.

-Do you think that he feels bad? -No!

Well…

I guess, maybe. I don't know.

Maybe I should text him, like,

with a heart emoji, or…

-Yeah, just to check on him. -Okay, no.

Sorry, but I just… I really just wanna say something now

because I can't listen to you two talk about this anymore.

His behavior today was not okay

and he should feel bad about it.

Okay.

Yeah. But now we drink.

-Thirty-one! -Thirty-one!

Thirty-one! Thirty-one!

-Yes! -Hello?

Cool. Sexy.

-Are you done or what? -Yep! We're done.

Sorry. Okay, in which city did Amanda attend a festival

where she got food poisoning from some oily pasta?

What?

Where she spent the entire night

locked in a Porta Potti, isn't that so?

Alternating between her asshole and her mouth. It was everywhere.

Bonus point if you can tell me which band was headlining the festival.

Okay, I know! I know! So, the city is Paris.

-Right. -That's fucking gross.

-Um… I think the band was Depeche. -How do I not remember this?

-Or The Killers. Wasn't it? -I know! It was R.E.M.!

-Yes! -Good! Well done!

Two points to team Sir Whip-a-Lot!

-Boom! -Okay, do you guys wanna know the results?

-Yeah! -Yeah, we've actually finished the quiz.

The winner is…

all of you!

-It's a draw. -Come on, that's bullshit.

We need a sudden death question. I don't accept a draw.

-We need more drinks. -Yeah.

-One sec. -Shots!

-Hang on. -Thanks.

You're welcome.

-What's wrong, Filip? -Sorry.

It just… kind of feels like my insides are sinking.

His balls always hurt…

Why don't I examine you?

Let's go to the bathroom.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BDSM?

-No! -All right. New year, new girl.

-Skål. -Skål.

What are you so embarrassed about? I see this at work every day.

-I don't want you to touch my balls. -Think I'm gonna rape you?

-Like… -I'd be scared.

Do you realize how many balls I see at the clinic? Yours are no different.

But not in a bar.

-I don't want you to see my balls. -All right, listen.

What do I do?

He's my neighbor. Can I date my neighbor?

-He lives in the same building. -Wait, his last name's Montague? For real?

-I know. -Like Romeo in Romeo and Juliet.

-Yeah, yeah! -Romeo.

-Benjamin Montague. -Genuinely?

-Yeah. -That's insane, isn't it?

-But he left early, so maybe he's not… -No, he was bleeding radiators.

-He was all sweaty. -He's on the board?

You should do it, go on!

Oh, she's doing it now!

HOW ABOUT STARTING THAT FILM PROJECT?

You've you been talking, right?

Yeah, he came to the party.

NOW?

-Did he? -He wants to see me right now!

-Actually? Now? -Romeo!

Wow!

-"Yes, I'm coming now." -Oh, shit.

-I heard it's someone's birthday! -Yeah.

-Happy birthday. -Thanks.

-It's nice to see you. -Likewise.

-Uh… -So, this is Jonte.

-Hey, everyone. -Hi.

Hi.

-Hello. -And well this… is everyone.

So, we have a policy here

that when it's somebody's birthday, we offer them shots.

-Wow, awesome! -Feel free to help yourselves.

Okay. Nice one, Jonte.

I had to give you one of those 'cause you love fireworks.

What? You've never told us that you love fireworks.

-Of course I have. You knew that, right? -That you love fireworks?

Oh, you didn't know that? That she's a little pyromaniac?

Come on, guys. Let's toast. Thank you. That's very sweet.

-Hold on. This is interesting! -Never mind, let's do a shot.

Just hang on a moment.

We're doing a special quiz but I just need one more question.

-Oh, good one! -Can we just drink the birthday shots?

Come on, birthday shots!

-Let's go. I love you all. -No, I'm sorry. Hang on.

If you're sitting on some dirty info, we wanna know.

You know everything about me.

-Seriously, cut it out. I don't wanna… -I dunno how dirty it is.

But I do have a question.

-Great! -Um…

All right. Uh, okay.

So, what object in Folkets Park caught fire…

when Amanda set off some fireworks a few weeks back?

Wait!

-Wait, please! -Okay, then.

Explain why you triggered my OCD

to the point where I need therapy just to function.

Okay, I'm sorry.

And then you blamed Mom when it was you fucking up our work!

Wait, have you signed up for therapy? That's so great!

Yeah, isn't it great?

-Look-- -Do you know how much I think about Fluff?

I thought it was all my fault.

Turns out it was just you and the fucking bartender?!

Yes, it's awful. But that investigation

made it obvious it wasn't related to the wires.

You really think that helped?

'Cause OCD's so rational.

-Fuck's sake! Screw this. Don't touch me! -Oh! Sorry.

You're unbelievable!

-Hey. -Hey.

-Come on in. -Are you tired?

Nah, not at all.

-My friends got me this and decorated it. -Oh.

That's nice.

-Whoa, this is nice. -Mm-hmm.

It's like an adult apartment.

Well, I am… an adult.

I'll get some ice. Uh… sit and chill.

-You've got so much light! -Mm.

TO RONJA, JABBA, LILLEMAN, ADINA, AMANDA: ROAD TRIP WITH ROMEO?

So, have you had a good birthday?

Mm, like, so good.

Well, I…

enjoyed the tarot cards.

-You did? -Oh, yeah. For sure.

You looked really scared.

-Me? No. -No?

-The Magician was good, no? -Oh, it's super good.

-Really? -Uh-huh.

Oh, but my dad is real funny.

He once belly-danced at my party.

He did?

-Um… -He didn't bring a gift.

-He didn't? -No.

That's shit.

Which film should we watch?

Hmm…

The Two Towers?

Mm… Starting in the middle?

Followed by the third or the first. What do you think?

Or we could--

So, I'm driving my sister to IKEA tomorrow.

I've gotta get up early.

How many sisters you got?

Uh, I've got three.

-Really? -Mm.

Oh, that's nice.

I've got one.

-Should we start? -Mm-hmm.

Did you know that Viggo Mortensen broke his toe when he kicked that helmet?

-Really? -It's true.

That scream is real.

That's so crazy!

Why haven't we done this before?

It feels so natural.

Yeah, I'm flattered.

Look, I don't know if you maybe could see this going further,

or not.

But I'm not really interested in anything long-term, so…

But why did… why did you ask me to come over in your message?

It's your birthday. I couldn't say no. That would be mean.

You're not interested?

Not like that, I'm afraid to say. Sorry.

But in another way?

I'm usually very quick at knowing how I feel.

And I don't feel it here.

You are more than welcome to stay over tonight if you like.

But… it doesn't mean more.

-Can I ask you something personal? -Yeah. Sure.

Don't take this the wrong way,

but how are you single when you're so forward?

What do you mean?

"Forward." Like you've got…

Like you haven't got any… boundaries.

I don't know how to word it.

SORRY. I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING. LOVE YOU.

SORRY IF I'M INTENSE, BUT I SAW TINDER UPDATED YOUR AGE TO 31.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE IT WAS A NICE ONE

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH ME?

It's really difficult for me to leave my apartment

because when I do, I immediately feel dirty.

I was living with someone before, but he couldn't cope.

So, uh, we eventually broke up.

Well, he broke up with me. I don't know what to do.

Thank you.

Would you like to continue?

I can…

Uh… Um…

It's not a big deal.

So, I, uh…

But I am terrified that cables will catch fire.

Uh…

Not many people know that about me.

But my boyfriend…

Sometimes there's this impatience when he looks at me, so…

I can't tell if it's me he's bothered with, or it's the situation,

and he thinks that…

That maybe he thinks that it would be easier with someone else.

And the worst thing is I can't tell what's real danger

and what's just in my head.

So, I'm not sure if it's me, or it's a matter of… of life and death.

Yeah, I saw the video.

Ugh, it's so disgusting.

"Time goes by so fast. Miss my girls. Love you, Dad."

-So manipulative. -Does he think we're dumb?

He might mean it though.

Yeah, maybe.

Hey, so how was group therapy?

-It was-- -Wait.

I WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU.

What is it?

MAKE YOU FEEL PLEASURE. WHEN CAN WE MEET?

-Yep, I'm out. -What did you--

I've gotta go now.

Hey! No, wait.

Tell me how group therapy went.

I don't have time. Filip's made dinner.

Come on, don't be mad at me.

I'm not. I just gotta go.

You promise?

-Yes. See you. -Okay, see you.

HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

HOPE YOU LIKE BEING DOMINATED.

DOMINATED… DO YOU WANT TO TIE ME UP?

I CAN'T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

TELL ME MORE.

I'M GOING TO LICK EVERY PART OF YOUR BODY.

AFTER THAT I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU HARD.

I'M MEETING THE FACELESS GUY AT MY PLACE!

IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME WITHIN FIVE HOURS, CALL THE COPS!

Amanda?

-Interesting place to meet. -Yeah.

-Hello. -Hey.

Okay, now listen to this. Picture a Danish guy. Older.

BDSM sex.

The word "red" is the safeword.

Sorry, what?

Safeword. Red.

Oh, sure.

What?

This is… This is so exciting. Please tell me more.

You haven't even heard what he actually did.

Will you call me sir or master?

Master.

Oh my God!

It was insane.

Do you want more?

Yeah.

You must be punished first.

Okay, punish me.

Red, or…?

-Huh? -Is it red?

No. I…

No. No, keep going.

Not red. It's sexy.

Very sexy.

What the fuck?

He was like, "Stay right there. Don't move."

Stay right there.

What are you gonna do?

Did I say you can talk?

And I was leaning backwards at one point, like…

I did not know I was that flexible.

-And the whipping, with our whip! -He whipped?

No way!

-I mean, this is just… -No, seriously! Wait, there's more.

Oh my God! Okay, go on!

-Come on, tell us! Tell us! -Go on, tell us!

-He wanted me to… -He wanted you to what?

He wanted me to be a…

Giddy up!

"Neigh, neigh, neigh!"

Oh my Lord!

And then for the finale…

-Yeah? -He wanted… He wanted to come in my hair.

No way I was gonna let him though, 'cause I'd just washed it,

so I got him to come in a bag.

-Are you serious? -Yes.

Yeah… I think I'd rather he came in my hair, you know?

Than ride me like a horse.

Oh God…

Listen, I have a super nice work colleague.

-Really? -I gotta pee.

All right, tell us about 'em.

She's single, she's beautiful and you'd totally love her.

-How are you? -Good.

Amanda, I can see you're struggling.

I'm all good.

Come here. Come.

It's okay.

You're okay.

It's gonna be okay.

Is it obvious?

It's okay.

Yeah. Okay.

Don't start crying! You're crying now!

Just look at that face.

Hello!

This is so exciting!

-What happened? -Filip told us… some breaking news.

Sorry, I let the cat out of the bag.

You're so cute!

What is it?

Well, Filip and I are moving in together.

Yeah, and we've already found an apartment.

Wow, that's so great!

Wow!

-Cheers! -Cheers! To you!

Ugh, that's so wonderful.

-Right? -Of course it is. Right!

They're gonna have kids and they're gonna be so fucking cute.

Yes! You're so Barbie and Ken.

It's so nice to see some people are doing good. It makes me happy.

-Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss! -Aw, it's so adorable.

I'm gonna go, I don't feel well.

Uh, I'm a little tired. Such great news! Okay.

-You sure? Text us. -Yeah. Okay, yeah!

Bye!

Amanda?

-You okay? -Yeah.

♪ Let us go where the wild things grow ♪

♪ Let us go where the time runs slow ♪

♪ To the fields that brought you here ♪

♪ From the heels That walked through fear ♪

♪ Everything you got is gold ♪

♪ April spring brings hope again ♪

♪ Let us feel, not understand… ♪

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY AMANDA ROMARE

♪ Everything you got is gold ♪

♪ Universe in bloom ♪

♪ Meet me in the garden ♪

♪ I planted for you ♪