Original subtitles

A 20th century photographer named Man Ray said that an original is a creation

motivated by desire.

Any reproduction is motivated by necessity.

My Quicksilver Glam was created by my country's desire to have an almost

unstoppable secret weapon.

Another country's attempt to reproduce it was...

Necessitated by the fact that we had it and they didn't kind of a Quicksilver

gap if you will

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

You can't touch it.

There once was a story about a

man who could turn invisible.

I thought it was only a story.

Until it happened to me.

Okay, so here's how it works. There's this stuff called Quicksilver that can

bend life.

Some scientist made it into a synthetic gland and that's where I came in.

See, I was facing life in prison and they were looking for a human

So, we made a deal.

They put the gland in my brain, I walked free.

The operation wasn't a success, but that's where everything started to go

An invisible man?

Now, wouldn't that be nice?

Well, then why else would the Republic of China be targeting a place like this?

The Republic of China? I don't know. Beats me. Maybe they have overactive

imaginations. We've had agents stationed outside Haitian for the last six years.

I doubt very highly that any of the information they have received has

to do with imagination.

Are those the same guys who tracked the classified target all the way to

Shanghai? And it turned out to be a blind ox peddler.

Okay, that's irrelevant.

The question remains, if there is no invisible man, why the interest?

Three days out of the week, we can't flush our toilets.

Where would I get funds for an invisible agent?

This is who they're targeting. Now, are you going to tell me that that is not in

any way an invisible man?

Oh, I wish he were invisible.

You're very good.

You raised Stonewall Lane to an art form.

Thank you.

It's not going to do you any good.

We're going to keep this agency under 24 -hour surveillance, so let me give you

a little bit of advice.

Watch your step.

You boys have way too much time on your hands.

But if I see anything, or better yet, if I don't see anything, I'll let you

know.

Good luck to you, Agent Miller.

Satellite Snoop tipped us to the Chinese Quicksilver development program a while

back. But their formula breaks down in the advanced stage, so guess what?

Now they want ours.

And they got me as the Iron Man, huh?

They think it's me?

Correct. And we'd like to keep it that way.

That's fine with me. It's about time I start getting some respect from the

outside. Now, believe me, you're going to be getting a lot more respect.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means the Chinese will be tracking you.

So the two of you will have to stay together at all times, on and off duty,

until further notice.

What, you mean like living together?

What happened to watching us separately?

Yeah, exactly.

Because I don't have that kind of manpower.

Look, boy, several of the Chinese trackers have already been spotted by

They're close.

And the agency's safety net will be in place if they try to move in on you. Oh,

well, that's reassuring.

Our plan is to catch them in the act. In the act of what? Killing us? Hopefully

trying to capture Hobbs. If they want Quicksilver, they need to get it while

host is alive.

Look, gentlemen, there's a leak out there. This is how we go about finding

We get one of these Chinese operatives, put him into custody, find out how much

they know about the I -Man project, when they knew it, where they got it.

It is therefore very important that you carry on as if everything is normal.

Hey, I start hanging out with Hobbs and normal goes right out the window.

Ain't that the truth?

So we're going to stay in all night, is that what we're doing?

That's what people do, Hobbs. Old people, infirm people. People being

down by foreign powers.

Hey, whatever the agency needs to have happen ain't going to happen with us

staying inside, right? Well, when it happens, I prefer it being daylight, so

least I could see it happen.

Which is probably what they're thinking, which is why they're not going to do it

then, which means I've got to spend the rest of my life looking over my

shoulder, Fawkes. How did you say that like it's different from the way things

are now? Fawkes, nobody ever mistook me for you before, all right? Now that's a

relief. Listen, if the agency needs me to be bait, I'm going to be bait. It's

job. That's not a wise move, my friend.

You know what the difference is between me and you? Oh, yeah, I know this one.

You're nuts.

Come on, get up. Ah!

Okay, okay, okay.

You can insist on being a target. I should at least be there to say I told

so. Good. Brush your teeth.

Hey, what's up, Bob?

Nice to see you.

Hey, Steve.

First time here, huh?

Hey!

Everybody knows my name.

You know, they're saying the secret agent handbook. That's not a good thing.

you doing, Nicky?

I'm with Textiles.

I'm sorry, you're in what?

Textiles. Textiles. My headquarters is based out of KC.

The usual, please.

So what do you do? You knit afghans or industrial fabrics?

Polyester, nylon, you know, plated glass.

Polyester, that sounds right. Yeah, well. Been the leading manufacturer for

past 15 years. 15 years? Wow, you must be very proud.

Hey, Bobby.

Oh, hey, look who's here.

How's it going?

Very good. Katrina and Heidi?

Yeah. Who's Heidi? Oh, I'm sorry. This is a good friend of mine.

Darian. Darian. Darian Falk. He's in from out of town.

Nice to meet you.

Call?

I was calling.

I mean, I was going to call you, and I'm going to call you. I would love to take

you to dinner.

But, you know, factory problems and, you know, orders coming in. Yeah, well, you

know, that's Bobby, huh? Work, work, work.

Let's take a load off, don't you think? Yeah, cocktail.

Whatever they're having on me, okay, Nikki?

I would say, what do you say, huh?

Martini.

Sorry. I'm a little dizzy right now.

Can you take a walk?

Privately, I need to talk to you.

This place is full of Asians.

Asians? Because we're in Chinatown.

Great. Great. So we're being stalked by the Chinese and you bring me here?

My friend, this is where I hang out.

Besides, that's the idea. The plan is to draw them out. So if you see any

suspicious -looking characters, wave them over. As soon as we nail them...

The sooner I get back to my normal life, which, as we both can tell, is a whole

lot more interesting than your life.

Okay. If they make a move on us in here, there ain't gonna be no age with these

states, you know, okay? I mean, we're like sitting ducks in here.

We gotta go now, Hobbs. You're killing me.

Now. Okay.

Girls, girls, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna call you.

I'd love to talk to you soon, all right?

Boss, you have no idea what you pulled me away from.

Do you realize what you did?

Wait.

She's Greek.

I could have got you a date if you had just relaxed a little bit. A little

dinner, a little conversation.

Nice. We deserve it. We earned it. Got a ticket? Thank you.

Thank you, Nets, you got there. Thank you. All right, come on, guys. We

counting on local interference.

At that time, the agency decided it would be best to re -engage after your

capture. Game plan's a little off the cuff, isn't it? I'd say.

We can't risk engagement with local law enforcement.

Our covert activities would be compromised.

Yeah, well, better your activities than our asses. Your lives were never in

danger, at least not after Bobby disappeared.

Oh, Fox, Fox, that was a beautiful thing.

Come on.

Yeah, next time a little warning would be nice. I mean, that was... Truly very

weird. What are you talking about? You've seen me do that before.

Seeing is one thing, but having done to you, I mean, you know, that is, oh, man,

is wild.

You should try it.

He's already invisible.

Well,

it worked like a charm.

Didn't convince anybody that Hobbes is the real thing.

And they're certain to make another try since they haven't seen our safety net.

Hmm. Yeah, what a coincidence.

Neither have we.

Actually, I don't even believe there is an agency safety net.

You doubting our word? No. Yeah?

No, sir, not at all. Not a bit. Just would like a little reassurance is all.

I see. Well, keep up the good work, gentlemen.

Dismissed.

Kiss ass.

Why?

He's gonna let the Chinese bag me.

Hey, uh, you know, why don't you, uh, save the conspiracy theory for the

picnic, okay? I'm telling you, I'm telling you, it's a smart thing to do.

was a fat man, that'd be my move. Time for the meds, Bobby.

Oh, come on, Fox.

Those city cops had nothing to do with the agency no -show last night, okay?

official wants me grabbed. Yeah, why? I mean, they're just gonna say that you're

not the Iron Man. That's right, that's right. Then they figure their info's

wrong, they go home. One thing.

I get popped first, okay? I am expendable, my friend. Okay, not you.

Hobbs, look. Me. I know you think that you're underappreciated. And underpaid.

Okay, fine, fine. Look at it this way, all right? Who are they going to replace

you with that'd work this cheap?

Hmm? Who?

You got a point. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, trust me, sooner or later, this

whole mess ends up right back on me, and I'm spread out on somebody's lab table.

Speaking of which, I gotta... Close.

Yeah, thank you. I feel much better now.

Somehow your pain sort of eases me.

Puts me at ease.

I'm glad.

I think.

So, you're not much for conversation today.

Yeah, I know.

I've just been doing a little thinking.

Hey, uh...

What would happen if I wound up in the wrong hands?

Well, the agency's going to make sure that doesn't happen.

Yeah, of course they are, but say it does.

Bad luck scenario?

They wouldn't really know about the gland and they'd kill you when they

remove it.

Okay, let's say I get lucky.

Wound up with a, you know, well -informed scientist. You know, somebody

of knows the ins and outs of Quicksilver, the gland, me.

What? It could happen, right?

All right, then. If that were to happen, they would probably leave the gland

alone, get it to generate a lot of quicksilver, and bleed it out of you

catheter.

Oh, and then I'd go quicksilver crazy.

No. No, actually, it wouldn't be in your system, so it couldn't drive you mad.

Oh, so you're saying that once they got the quicksilver, they could replicate

it? Yes.

Yes, and they could make anything disappear.

Nuclear devices, missiles, anything.

Yeah, but then essentially they would have no more use for me.

No. So they disposed of me.

Animal likelihood?

Hmm. This whole thing keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?

Well, I guess they ran over the invisible man.

My worries are over. You should be so lucky.

All right, stop, please. I can't help myself. What the hell are you doing down

there, Hobbs?

I was in Echo Company playing cards with my CO one night, right?

I took him for a couple hundred bucks.

End of the night, jumps back in his Jeep, right?

Guarantee me he's gonna win it all back, bragging, right? Turns on the ignition,

kaboom. 11 -year -old Lebanese kid, Wyatt.

Never did find all the body parts.

All right, hey, don't forget to check the rear section.

How's that?

Ripped action. Check it. I don't want my final moments in this piece of crap.

Yeah, well, just keep your mitts off the doors, Fogg. I'm not touching anything.

I haven't checked them. Well, you just checked them. Leave them alone.

Let's get this show on the road.

Looks like our fan club is back.

Opposing this grown man in a parked car eating donuts.

See him?

Just like we hoped for.

Now where's this agency safety net I keep hearing about? You know, I mean,

shouldn't there be another car just like that one with our guys in it? Can't see

them, that's all. Agency folks are taught to blend in a little better.

Unless they were taught to dress like fire hydrants, I think we're screwed.

Better place that shakeout car, that's all I can say.

So this is what you call a shakeout car?

What do you expect, a limo?

This is new.

I get to be my own airbag.

Still up company?

What do you think, huh?

I guess it didn't fall for the old compact car routine.

That's fine. We'll just hit the next shakeout vehicle. You know, the way this

playing out, that could be a couple of skateboards. Hang on.

Hey, kitty, kitty.

Hey, kitty, kitty, kitty.

All right.

Bobby Hobbs was like a son to me.

I remember sitting in my big chair reading my field reports, getting angry

Bobby when he'd come to me and jerk on my pants leg and say, Hey, let's go

fat man.

That was his little term of endearment for me.

Fat man.

I'd like to suggest that we retire that nickname in honor of Bobby Hobbs.

Bobby Hart wasn't just a good agent.

He wasn't just a good man.

He was a good son.

And I'm going to miss him.

Will Rogers once said that... Said that...

To be a hero is about the shortest lived profession

on earth.

Robert Hobbs was a hero.

Many times to save many people.

Many of those times were to save my life.

Bobby Hobbs died a hero.

Thank you Bobby.

You're welcome partner.

I'm going to miss Bobby.

I guess so.

I'm going to be honest with you, Claire. I didn't know that you felt so strongly

about Hobbes. What?

I feel strongly about everybody involved in this project.

Haven't you figured that out yet?

You're like family.

Yeah, I know, but Hobbes, I mean, come on.

Most of the time he was pretty rude to you, wasn't he?

The rest of the time he's kind of hitting on you in his not -so -subtle

He's a lonely man.

I should have become his friend.

Nobody deserves to die a lonely man.

Hey, where am I?

Am I in China?

Is this China?

Huh?

You speak English?

Hey!

Hey, you speak English?

I'm talking to you.

Does anybody here speak English?

You guys better kill me right now, because I'm not saying nothing, okay?

telling you right now.

I'm not saying a word!

What the hell was Hobbs doing there?

All right, you say you saw them grab him.

You moved in, pulled your guns, and... And?

What the hell do you mean you only had one round in your guns?

Because of the funeral salute?

That has got to go down as the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

So you're telling me we killed one of our own agents and the Chinese still

off with the prize?

God, you killed him?

This agent's seeking... Hold on a second. No.

No, it wasn't like that. Explain it to her. Thank you.

It's about time.

Tell me we tracked him. Yeah.

We faked Hobbs' death.

He's alive?

Yeah, yeah. We faked his death to throw off the Chinese. You see, they thought

that Hobbs was the invisible man, and what we wanted to do was for them to see

him blown to bits, and then they'd show up at the funeral just to make sure, and

then we'd have him.

So the explosion and the funeral were both faked? No, actually, the explosion

was real.

Yeah, Hobbs just drove right around the corner into this garage, and we just

blew up an identical car with a cadaver in it.

The funeral, though. Everybody at that funeral knew except me?

No, the only people who knew were me and the official.

Well, and the rabbi, because we thought it would be a little sacrilegious if he

weren't in on it.

And the funeral director.

A couple agents, but other than that, nobody. Oh.

Well, I want every way out of that place watched.

You got it?

Do not let him slip through your fingers again.

Bobby's death and let me believe it all of this time. You let me cry at his

funeral. Had to.

Had to. He gave it an air of authenticity.

Yeah, and personally, I don't think you really made a fool of yourself.

I mean, I found it endearing how much you cared about him.

Was he there?

Did he hear anything that I said?

Oh, yeah.

And I'm sure he would love to be your friend, so he...

Won't have to die a lonely man. That's very, very, very funny.

Can we get back to it, folks?

Yeah. All right, I think we got lucky on this one.

We tracked the car that he was taken away in.

They took him to the Chinese embassy.

Oh, no.

Well, at least they didn't put him on a slow boat to China.

No, it's the same thing as being in China. The Chinese embassy is on

land. Yeah, she's right.

What do you mean? We can't get in there with a warrant or anything? No.

The only way we could get into that embassy is by invitation.

Do I detect a plan forming in that grieving little mind of yours?

I believe so.

Hello. How may we help you? Hello. My name is Claire Keefly, and this is Roger

Moore. We represent the United States Department of Fish and Game, and we have

an appointment to speak with your ambassador.

I'm afraid the ambassador's day is quite full. He asked me to speak with you. I

assume this concerns our fishermen and dolphins.

No. Does it concern the Olympics?

Why would it concern the Olympics?

You said you were from the Department of Fish and Games.

I assume yours is the agency involved. Game.

Not games.

Game means an animal. One usually hunted for food or sport.

You Americans name your agency strangely.

Why not just call it the Department of Fish and Animals?

Oh, that's a very good question.

I'll ask the president next time I talk to him. Now, where is he?

Excuse me?

We know you nabbed our man. Where is he? I'm afraid we don't know what you're

talking about. Well, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You have him. We

want him back unharmed. You see, the man that you kidnapped but claim to know

nothing about has a very serious problem.

If he doesn't get the shot in the next hour, he will self -destruct.

I'm afraid we still don't know what you're talking about.

Why? They're not about him now. We're the guy you don't know about.

We'll be splattered all over the lovely wallpaper in whatever room you've got

him stashed in.

I'm sure you don't want to see him die any more than we do.

I'm sure that our wallpaper will be fine for many years, since we do not have

this man that you refer to.

I'm a doctor. Just let me give him a shot.

I'm sorry.

We're going to have to ask you to leave now.

We're not leaving.

Not until you allow her to give our man a shot. Then we will have you forcibly

removed. No, no. We'll leave. Just please, do me a favor. You give him the

I'll give it to you.

If you don't give it to him, he'll die.

You just better hope they don't know where I am. Okay, fella?

I happen to be an extremely important person in my government.

You hear that?

Huh? The United States Marines are going to be busting down that door any

minute.

Oh, crap.

I'm getting the feeling this was a trap.

We knew we could never capture an invisible man unless we had an

could control.

It was much easier to capture the invisible man's very visible sidekick.

Excuse me, you're referring to me?

I happen to be the important one in this partnership there, friend. If it wasn't

for me, he'd be dead ten times over. What do you mean? It's like two times,

maybe, tops.

So what are you saying? That you knew all along that he wasn't your guy?

Mr. Fox.

Who would be foolish enough to waste the gland on a receptacle like Hobbes? I'm

not good enough to be a receptacle, huh?

Easy, shorty.

What are you going to do with him?

You should be more concerned about what we're going to do with you.

I'll show you a sidekick. Stay strong, Fox.

Don't let him break you, Fox.

Don't let him break you, Fox!

Stay strong!

I should warn you, Mr. Fox.

Their orders are simple.

Once they see you begin to turn silver, they will open fire.

My advice to you?

Relax. Got easy for you to say, isn't it?

Hey, how you doing? Look, I'm thinking if you plan on removing the gland, I

you to not kill me.

We are quite aware of that fact, Mr. Fox.

Oh, Chris.

How long will it take to finish filming?

One minute.

You'd better give this to Di Xueqi.

Okay, I'm angry.

Boy, you know, I'm getting a little lightheaded. Don't I get a box of

something here?

This isn't the Red Cross, Mr. Fox.

Apple juice would do, you know. Something like that.

Look, I don't want you to think I'm not grateful I'm still alive, but... Juice.

They tell me if you don't receive a shot within the hour, you will die.

Is that true?

Well, that depends on who they is.

An intelligent -looking woman and a beady -eyed fat man.

No, I don't need a shot of that.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fong.

That lacks the sound of sincerity.

No, look, would you just... No, look, do not put that stuff in my arm!

My name is Robert Hobbs. I'm an agent of the United States of America.

What you are doing is an act of war.

Under the bylaws of the United Nations Charter and the Geneva Convention, you

are in violation of subsection B, article 17.

I'm an agent of the United States of America. If you don't open this door,

will be in major, majors.

Look, will you stand still, please?

Oh, not again.

Okay, go.

Huh?

Oh.

You're such a wuss. All right, Fox.

You really think he'll notice the syringe? I'm sure.

And why is that? Because he's very observant. If he's conscious.

Well, we don't have a lot of choice, do we? What are you so upset about? That

you're spending your time so they can get through my plan when you haven't got

anything better to offer. Oh, I don't think so.

Don't presume to know me so well.

Wait a minute. Is this about us not letting you in on the funeral thing?

No. No, it isn't about that at all.

I think it is. It's not. It is. Not. It is.

Hey, boss, just go na -na -na -na -na -na right there and you win.

Oh. Oh, God. You stop it.

Ah. I told you you'd be fine.

Uh -huh. Is this your version of I told you so?

It's a start. Now, kids, excuse me for interrupting, but just so you know, they

captured me too.

I wish they'd been planning all along.

Did they milk you? Yeah, like their Price Holstein.

Filled a couple canisters, too.

Like those?

Time for a little skeet shoot.

They're getting away. Not to worry.

See you.

Is it me or do they look a little upset?

They're a little cranky. Yeah.

I'm not sure what they're saying, but... It must be bad, though.

Yeah, it's bad. Not too bad. That was bad. Yeah.

Well, I take it they didn't screw up the gland.

No, no. Their technique was excellent.

Absolutely no damage at all.

I got an idea. You know, maybe we ought to get them to start working on a way to

remove this thing.

Well, I would be happy to ask them if you can convince the official.

Convince me of what?

Darian would like to share our toys with the Chinese.

The way they were apologizing to the State Department, they're not going to

to play with us for a while.

Sound safe?

For a while.

But they'll be back.

Great.

What happens then? In case you haven't noticed, that safety net's got some big

holes in it.

Not anymore.

They've been replaced.

With prejudice.

No kidding.

They're fired?

You fired them? I didn't think anybody got fired from this joint.

Well, it happens.

Would you like a more personal demonstration?

No, no, sir. That's fine. I'll take your word for it. Oh, thank you. Good.

Come on.

We need to get you debriefed.

Listen, you know what you said back there?

At the embassy?

At the service.

I just wanted to let you know.

It was very touching.

And I just wanted to let you know that, that I was touched.

Well, no, it was just a performance. I actually didn't think for a moment that

you were dead.

Well, you were great.

I mean, you really went above and beyond. And that was, I mean, you were

more convincing than those other guys.

So, I just want you to know I appreciate that.

Oh, no. I don't care what you say. We now have confirmed reports that you've

yourself an invisible man.

You, sir, have a fertile imagination.

Did you know we had one of those?

No, sir. At least I haven't seen him. Of course not. The guy's invisible.

How could you see him?

Okay.

Okay, okay. You two clowns can joke about it as much as you want, but I'm

to have a directive on this desk by sundown tonight ordering you to give CIA

access to your weapons.

You, sir, are not going to get access to my men's room, let alone any of my

weapons. Oh, yeah? How are you going to stop me?

Hello, Marshal.

Yes,

thank you. I'm fine. Is he there?

Thank you.

And a good afternoon to you, too, sir.

Oh, yes.

Yes, you can.

There's a gentleman in my office insisting that he have access to the QS

project.

Sir,

it'll be my pleasure.

Yes, this is Agent Norman Miller of the CIA.

To whom am I speaking?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yes, sir. No.

No.

No, sir. I was.

No,

sir. My superiors would not be amused.

I understand.

Thank you, Mr. President.