Original subtitles

I hope you packed your cowboy boots and spurs

and your 10 gallon hat for what

going to Texas

I've been speaking to the good people of NASA

and I'm looking forward to that

they're welcoming us with open arms

and they're gonna let us do some really cool things

that sounds fabulous and we're gonna go to the Elmo um

that you may have say that again

what was that Alamo

I'm not going to the Alamo

you are an integral part of the Alamo history

I think it's time that we really get to the bottom of

what actually happened

because there's many conflicting stories

you go I'll watch you on a television

there's a tar and feathering you

and hanging over the cliff

if we get wind that it's gonna be too crazy

or if it's just let me tell you something

it will be beyond crazy you just won't Mark my words

should have should have pissed on it then

my name is Jack Osborne and this is my dad

Ozzy heavy metal god

are you ready Prince of darkness

and surprisingly enough

history nerd as the old saying goes

like father like son

so my dad and I

are doing something we've always wanted to do

we're hitting the road just the two of us

and a bucket list of places

and things we've only ever read about in books

oh my god this is amazing

all seen on TV and the web

do you have your knife yes

we have all days

we might need it there are no roadies

no tour buses what the fuck is this

no boundaries oh

welcome to Ozzy and Jack's world detour

let's rock and roll

Houston we don't have a problem right now

today we are going to NASA Johnson Space Center

and I am pumped so is my dad

he was texting me this morning being like

I couldn't sleep all night

I'm so excited da da

da da

so the main reason we're actually here in Texas

is to get to the bottom of a

kind of interesting chapter in my family's history

and rock and roll history

so there's a story that goes like this

in 1982 when my father was touring in America

they were playing in San Antonio

and the day of the show I believe my dad woke up

decided to go for a walk and take a pee

some people say he did pee on the Alamo

some people say he didn't pee on the Alamo

my dad has no real recollection of the arrest'cause

he was somewhat inebriated

so I'm hoping

that we can get our hands on the arrest report

in San Antonio the people who run the Alamo

don't really seem too keen to have us there

my dad isn't too keen about us going there either

fingers crossed let's see what happens

but um

now it's time for me and my dad to boldly go where no

Osborne has been before hello

ready to go to space let's do it alright

don't forget your bag dad

don't forget your bag oh

is it far no

it's like 5 minutes down the street

one thing I've Learned about my dad

is that when he doesn't wanna do something

distract him with something

he does ooh

look NASA

I wanna ask how do they shower in space

cause they can't go under running water

have they ever drunk alcohol in space

yeah do they allow alcohol in space

I always wonder do they have sex in space

I want that to be my opening volley

after we get familiar

I think maybe we should ask that for sure

nice to meet you nice to meet you officially

I'm Jeannie it's very nice to meet you

I'm Azzy please to meet you

welcome to Johnson Space Center

alright we're gonna head into mission control

so we got some flight directors here

look and he's got a cigarette well

it was the 1960s and that's Neil Armstrong here yes

this is Neil Armstrong and this is

one of the trainers that he used for training

to land on the moon I sat next to him and I played

I remember saying

what's it like to be going to the moon

it's very dark and I'll thank you

but I'm educated now

it's probably like someone asking you

what a bat's taste like

is this the film set that they think

the spacewalk is kidding no

we really did land on the moon

I promise I don't believe in the moon

there are a lot of people

but we really did land on the moon

we're gonna step in the doorway here oh wow

so I'm gonna take you back in time to 1969

wow Apollo 11 was controlled out of this room

Apollo 13 was controlled out of this room really

this is here some pay again please

we flew out of this room until 1992

so even the shuttle was controlled from this room

really yes wow

that mission Control was the mission control

starting from Gemini

all the way up to the shuttle missions

they must have updated it as it was going on

oh yeah they absolutely updated it

it was like someone out of a old movie yeah

this is an original computer

these are these are actually just the terminals

the computer themselves

the whole first floor of the building

was the mainframe computer

we actually put a person on the moon

with less than 5K of memory

they sent a man to the moon

with a computer that had less than 5K of memory

kilobytes of memory what's a kilobyte

so it goes kilobyte megabyte

gigabyte this is 128 gigabytes yeah

if I wanna download a song that is like 3 megabytes

the amount of information is like

less than like 5 seconds of music

download it I've got no clue what you're talking about

okay so let's head on down to see the space station

this gives you some idea of how big the truss

for the International Space Station is

cause this is would be a piece of the truss

so this is a joint wow

how would they get that up there

it went in the space shuttle

how big is it

if you were to put it on an American football field

it would go from end zone to end zone

and sideline to sideline so it's pretty good size

so size of a football field wow

yeah we're gonna go in this module

watch your head dad

watch your head and watch your step

I can help you there's a big step right here

I can help your hand me man

I've got nothing next

the moment we said watch your head hello

hello hello

so let me introduce astronaut Shannon Walker hi

very nice to meet you Jack Jack

very nice to meet you so

Shannon

has flown on board the International Space Station

that is an awesome feeling

oh it is absolutely awesome

yes I spent six months in 2,010 um

I actually did round trip with the Russians

so I flew up and down on a Soyuz rocket

did you lose weight up there

I did I did

I lost about 10 pounds are you allowed alcohol

no sadly

but the Russians sneak it up

let's be honest you can tell us

I mean really

it's a safety thing because if you had an emergency

and all of a sudden

you had to pop into your spacecraft and come home

you wouldn't want to be on a

hey let's go home

no that'd be bad

so I'll buy up to one so

you're telling me the Russians didn't sneak a bit of

vodka in there some of the Russian happy juice hahaha

is there any romance going on up here

no no

come on this is our workplace man

it's right yeah exactly

don't don't bring it to work exactly

six months is a long time

six months is a long time

is there a NASA protocol

if something really weird starts floating past

are you kidding this day and age

we could take a picture of it and we could tweet it

yep so I'm sure that's what would happen first

so Jack

earlier you were talking about Space Camp

and you never had the opportunity to go

they wouldn't let me go to Space Camp

what is Space Camp

uh Space Camp is basically like

a kiddie version of all this

like prison

like no

as I've grown up I'm like

wait a second you let me like

come on Ozfest

for years yeah

I couldn't go to Space Camp

we were there how old were you when we said no

like 14 I thought you were like 27 hahaha

last year

so we'll follow you yes

so I've got a minivan so y'all follow me

okay we'll head on into the mock up facility

if you had a chance to drive a rover

would you like to absolutely

okay I wasn't able to go to space camp as a kid

but now all my teenage

nerdy dreams were going to come true

and I was taking my dad with me

what holy crap

wow wow

that is unbelievable he's coming right for us

wow we get to drive that

Howdy what's up guys

hello Ozzy and Jack

I'd like to introduce Lucien Duncan

hi how's it going Lucien

good to meet you nice to meet you

this is a space exploration vehicle

think of it as a off roading RV for moon and Mars

basically what we're thinking is

you land two of them somewhere on the moon or Mars

and then you go out take two of them and go explore

and then go explore again

and each one of these pedals is about two weeks

you gotta put all of your food in there

all of your all of everything goes in there

how much do one of these cost to build

it's about five million dollars to build one

okay but wow

hang on to your hat

because it's gonna get a lot more expensive

for all the testing

it goes from about 5 million to about 500 million

to a billion wow

really cool and now

there's this five million dollar rover

that we're gonna let you guys drive

was that cool or what though

awesome what's your head dad

you know them okay

you right hand or left handed Ozzy

right handed uh go to the right seat

let's go

okay

let's train you real quick push forward on the stick

okay pull back on the stick

let go of the stick

and that's how you drive like a car Ozzy

you ready yeah

press straight forward on the stick

hey dad

what are you doing driving in space

what is it called we're driving in the future right now

alright

there's a there's a big big crater right in front of us

go to your right a little Aussie go to your right

whoa

haha

this is crazy

I feel like it's gonna fall off ha ha ha

it's kind of scary when he goes and bangs over

you think he's gonna topple over

you know you got I'm going the opposite way

this is awesome she's unbelievable

now point up that heel that big heel alright

you gotta commit don't be scared

we're exploring Mars now for the betterment of humanity

Ho ho ho ho ho

this is insane

and then Ozzy if you stop right there

and twist a little to your right

I mean the maneuverability of that was unbelievable

all the wheels turn with the wheel yeah

so cool and then when you get pointed down the hill

just drive straight down the hill

this is unbelievable how cool is this

this is amazing

okay can we switch for a minute

I was yeah yeah

I'm gonna do some off roading

just like playing video games

the 5 million dollar video game

go wherever you want OK

set those big two in the middle

big rocks to your left yeah

think we're clear from those big rocks

I think I'll go forward a little bit more

go to your right a little

right a little wait

I'll stop oh

oh

did I break it yeah

give me a second uh oh

did I jump up I'll get it

did I did I break an NASA vehicle

this is the first time we got it stuck thing

well I think I broke the future

we've never done this really

I've never gone over I've always put it up on that rock

but we may high center on those rocks

it's been a real world testing

so my dad and I were at Johnson Space Center

driving NASA's 5 million dollar prototype

and I got it stuck

this is the first time we got it stuck thing really

oh a brick

when you got that thing

it would have been awkward calling up my uh

car insurance being like hey

am I insured for a 5 million dollar Mars rover

oops

I don't want you to leave here not impressed

we are impressed believe me

I could leave it now and be like

this is the coolest car I've ever driven OK

I'm gonna go to joint mode on the suspension OK

I'm gonna go all the way up

that one's back down

yeah how was that Jack awesome

I was in charge of research and development

for the hour we were driving it

and I thought it was my job to push it to its limit

but you didn't do my heart any good

we had a great day today haven't we Jack

oh the best awesome

thank you very much watch your head dad

you know then how was it fantastic

alright we're gonna head in this room over here

these guys have some cool surprises for you cool

would y'all mind over to Ryan

maybe you can record a message

that we could send up to the crew

on the station

I'd like to introduce you to some of our suit guys

and they brought some uh things here for you to try on

this is what what we wore in the shuttle

what we're gonna wear in a Ryan

the best way to describe it is a body shaped balloon

okay so the whole function of the suit is

if there's no air around you

this is the last thing holding the air

so you can breathe inside of it

and it's what's gonna keep you alive in deep space

looks like a diving suit kind of

it's a very similar to a dry suit

and the idea behind this suit is that if

Ryan had a hole in it with this suit

we're actually designing it

so they can live up to six days

so think about that living in this little balloon

with your own process is going on

especially if you have some Mexican food

you know yeah

and oddly enough

the hardest challenge we have with this whole suit

is what to do with six days worth of waste

yeah you would think

going to Mars and all these technical challenges

what do you do with poop

I found it interesting when they said

humans could survive up to six days in that suit

crap in as well well

that's what he would said

he said like the only problem would be

what do you do with all the poop

we've actually set up a couple of suits for you guys

and we'd like to give you the opportunity to actually

try them on absolutely

is that your space ponytail

check check

thank you

let's go into space Jack

plug in the catheter

this is awesome

wow I felt incredibly uncomfortable

I thought

how the fuck did I get myself into this situation

you alright there dad feel like a penguin

once we had our suits on

it was time for us to record a message

for our fellow astronauts

who are floating 249 miles above us

aboard the International Space Station

alright you ready go

hi guys I'm Ozzy

this is my son Jack ha ha ha

my son's shout out one one

I'm Ozzy hold on

I feel like I'm in a Sprite commercial

hi I'm Ozzy

hey it's Jack

I just want to say congratulations

let's do that again for four ready go

I'm Ozzy Osbourne and I'm Jack Osbourne

we just wanna say congratulations on 15

awesomely successful years of human habitation

yeah congratulations guys

have a party for us if you need any help

I'm good at parties yep

we're uh

we're ready to go so if you need anything

just let us know just call us

we'll jump right in yeah

we'll be right up love to see you later guys

be safe God bless

I need to get a picture for my Instagram

we will take some pictures

I'm free

are you ready to go to San Antonio

no uh

we still got a couple days left

why not I'm

I need to go for the bathroom

can you hold your piss

I'll be well full of piss when I get there

I know a good wall you can relieve yourself on

I'm pissing on the Elmo pissing on the Elmo

10:00am we're here in Austin

the capital of Texas

we're here because I really wanna get to the bottom

of what happened at the Alamo

in 1982 and to find out if my dad really did pee on it

hey how's it going

it's uh

it's Jack Osborne calling again

um I still haven't heard back from anyone

so if someone could please call me back

that'd be great um

you guys have my number

look forward to hearing from you bye

since I'm not really getting anywhere with the people

from the Alamo directly

I found a Texas state politician

who might actually be able to help us

hey Eddie

it's Jack Osborne yep yep

me and my dad are still planning on coming by

hopefully he will be able to grease some wheels for us

that way we can just slide on in to the Alamo Perfect

okay so me and my dad will be over in a few hours

to the state capital we go

Howdy what's going on

hey is this place haunted

um yes

what happened I went to bed last night

and I get to bed and I turn these down'cause

the family's driving me nuts

I got into bed and then this started doing this

no I swear

I'm on pulse I'm on pulse

so you're in bed and the lights start coming on and off

no no

not going up and down on and I just

lights keep going on and off and up

I'm gonna I'm gonna get out of bed

and I thought I was turning them off properly

it was going on five minutes it was going on

did you did you hear anything go get out

no it was a really weird thing weird

I didn't know what's scarier to my dad

ghosts or politicians is that the building

yeah that's the Capitol

I don't pee on the Capitol alright

my intention on my my penis is staying where it is

TMI bro TMI

beautiful building amazing building

pretty cool to be your office

look it's a little Alamo Monument

heroes of the Alamo

I wait is there a picture

I think I see a picture of you taking a piss

right there oh

there's no getting away from the Alamo around here

just play it cool remember you're sorry

they wouldn't ban me for for as long as I did

if it was just nothing to worry about

Texas loves you but the Alamo might not

I thought they were gonna jump on me alright

Onward we're going in

hi hi Eddie

how are you how are you

nice to see you

good to meet you and welcome to the state capital

a lot of people around here

we're got out that you guys were gonna be here

so it happens sometimes we go to my office

is that okay is that work out

yeah

some people probably want to maybe say hi to you though

these are people that work at the Capitol

a lot of them

hello

hi how are you

how are you good to see you I'm not gonna kiss you

well this is a real treat

you know Ozzy

you were like the soundtrack of my high school life

it was just amazing

it's amazing to meet you and it's just incredible

I have time for people say to me

I saw you in 1978 we Black Sabbath

sometimes I go how long I've been doing what I do

yeah I mean

cause I remember when we did our first record

oh this will be good for a couple of years

mm hmm and maybe I'll 46 years later

so what's next in San Antonio

you're going to San Antonio

here's the thing what

what do you know about the story

all I remember

ever hearing was that you urinated on the Alamo wall

that's all I remember ha

ha ha

supposedly I did some say I didn't

well I can't remember

I was very inebriated and all I remember was this big

Texan guy coming around with a cup

that seems it is a little um

tumultuous my dad's relationship and that

you know historical site

there's a history there but I want to know if you

if you possibly had any connections that could

maybe help us kind of

make our uh

presents I guess

well received if you know

if that makes sense and then also one other thing

we're trying to get the

my dad's police record for when he got arrested

to actually get the real story about what happened

well let me

let me see what I can do I can talk to my assistant

and try to get a friend of mine on the phone

Eddie thank you so much

you're very welcome it's my pleasure

I'm just glad you were able to come by and

absolutely come visit us at the Capitol here

you guys are gonna grab some lunch or something

yeah I think so yeah

do you know do you have any place you can recommend

yeah do you like hot dogs

what ha ha ha for a joke

although Representative Rodriguez said

he was gonna make some calls

we were still a little unsettled

that we hadn't gotten a definitive yes

to return to the Alamo

starving on get our Frank on notorious P I G

German currywurst

I think it's pretty safe to say that we over ordered

cause we were so hungry well

you know it's called hunger

ah this is the currywurst with a gluten free bread

that's the jackalope here's a kangaroo sausage

that's the Reuben fries look at that

and that's notorious P I G

and Amy's coffee ice cream with candied bacon

and chocolate covered bacon

this is dangerous dig in

did you

you knew that Phil Collins was a big like Alamo expert

right I don't know

I find it both amazing and very comical

that Phil Collins of Susudio fame

is the largest private collector of Alamo memorabilia

he had better stuff than I had and he gave it back

yeah well

he ended up writing a book and it's more kind of like

it's a kind of a coffee table book

it's got lots of pictures and like historical

you know stories and this and that and it how's that

so I reached out to one

of these professors who worked on the book

with Thor Collins

I left a message for him hmm

and hopefully we can hear from him

either tonight or tomorrow morning

I'll try something out

he's gonna kind of be our guide

and take us around

and show us about the Alamo and things so okay

he's a very nice guy you're a really nice guy

really nice guy

the journey continues through Texas

I am taking my dad back to the scene of one of his more

uh infamous crimes

which was urinating up the Alamo

and the fact that my dad peed on the Alamo

is very much rooted in like

kind of Aussie folklore

and I wanna figure out what really happened

that being said I need to go upstairs

need to get dad ready we need to hit the road

morning morning squire

how you doing good how you doing

I got you some eggs cool

be honest with me

how do you actually feel about going back to the Alamo

it really was a bad scene Joe

I know but that was 30 yeah

but it took me it took me like 15 years to get

to be able to do a show there

and so listen

it's been an additional 15 years from that point

so like we're hoping but you know

people have memories you know

they're gonna remember the press

that was about when I urinated

and I don't really feel keen on going there

we would be failing coming to Texas and not no

but I'm I'm

I'm Aussie as well I'm

no honestly

what do you think is the worst that could happen

get shot killed

beaten up no

I don't think so yeah

but but

but it's me I was wrong dad

sorry tell your mama I love her dad

you don't realize this but

you literally

pissed your way into American history books

apparently when people go visit the Alamo

they ask more questions about you

than they do about Davy Crockett

you know what

Phil Collins should be collecting samples of your piss

not Davy Crockett's sword

so don't you think it would be worthwhile

like actually figuring out the whole story

what if we find out

you didn't actually urinate up the Alamo

yeah but they all think I did

you know but it doesn't matter

it said in the paper

Ozzy Osbourne urinates up on the Alamo

that was the headline there's one article here saying

the night Ozzy didn't pee on the Alamo

I didn't do it then well

this one article says you didn't do it

according to this article written in 1982

the charges of public drunkenness

after he relieved himself

on a column outside of the Alamo

okay so this is saying you did it

this is another article in Rolling Stone

this says you urinated on the sidewalk

across the street from the Alamo

he was also slapped with a decade

long ban from the good city of San Antonio

luckily you're not banned from the city anymore

I got a bad feeling about this

come on let's hit the road

I promise you you'll have fun

you'll have fun

you can bury the hatchet in back of my head

although I was still inching my dad towards the Alamo

I hadn't made any more progress

with allowing us to visit

and I hadn't even heard anything back from

Representative Eddie Rodriguez

hello hi

hi hi

and how's it going it's going well

you know we're heading up to San Antonio

we're gonna go retrace the steps of the Alamo

urination incident I know

you're probably sick of having to answer this question

but what actually happened that day

been on a Bender

and decided to get up and wear my clothes

of all things to wear to go to the Alamo

why a dress well

because your mom took my clothes

to stop me going out in the town

so you decided in order to go get drunk

you'd wear her dress yes

OK our local promoter called

and said that Ozzy had been arrested at the Alamo

for urinating up the Alamo

and he was arrested and in jail

don't worry this is

this is bull

so are you positive he actually peed on the Alamo

I don't know but that's what I was told

OK

alright well

Taliban love it alright

see you later speak to you later bye

so we headed to San Antonio with my dad

fearing he might end up being another Alamo casualty

we have arrived I had searched on the internet

and found a place

where he could reflect on his own mortality

ta da that seems like a funeral history

are you joking the fact that you are pod

Prince of darkness I think

it's only appropriate

that I took you to the funeral museum

one day I'm gonna be here myself what are you

my name is Genevieve I'm the president of the museum

pleasure to meet you pleasure to meet you

I'm Jack Jack

and of course I know who you are Ozzy

I can give you a tour of the museum

absolutely yeah

tell you a little bit more about it

for sure I'd love to

this here is our 1921 Rockfeller's hearse

and believe it or not it is all hand carved wood

wow yes wow

what's that it looks like a

this is actually a glass coffin

this says it's from 1925 yes

you're exactly right back in that time period

they were just using

whatever resources they could have available to them

and glass was a redible resource

it's a very heavy piece you can't even open the lid

here in the 19th century mourning exhibit

you're in a Victorian home

funerals would take place in the parlor

portion of the home they were laid out in a wake

and awake lasted for three days

so do you know why

just in case they woke up

yes you're exactly right

to prove that they were truly

in fact dead and not going to wake up

wow and why do we do that

do you remember that must have been the case

when people thought they were dead

they got buried alive exactly

to keep people from being buried alive

we devised an apparatus if you will

where a string was tied to the finger

run up through the earth yep

you're right

and if they woke up and started to panic and scratch

on the on the bell would ring

a bell would ring on top

and then they were saved by the bell

oh

is that where the term saved by the bell comes from

that's exactly where the term saved by the bell from

came from and the dead ringer and the graveyard shift

oh yes

so you know

kiss sells kiss caskets

I think you guys should make Sabbath and Ozzy caskets

it's a bit not cool you know

I mean you ain't gonna sell 50 a gig

there won't be that many gigs

you know one person standing in the audience

do you are you

hey mom

I went to see a great banner at a Black Sabbath

I bought the cassette

can I keep it in that loft until I die

are you gonna get buried or are you gonna get cremated

I'm not gonna get cremated

I'm gonna get buried I think we come from the earth

we should be buried in the earth

I might find my fossil in 65 million years

this is true like that like not like this

fossilized are they

they could smoke me and get stoned

where we going now crematorium to make the day off

well we're gonna go pick your grave site now

we're gonna go find a nice cemetery in Texas

why not I've got a casket and a funeral home

we're actually gonna bury you at the Alamo

I got a good chance the way things are going

look it's a Texas cow

what Texas cows

oh cow moo

oh no

no no no

stop around with us

I'm just trying to see where the fuck I'm going alright

but you're playing with the

I'm but that's how I see where we're going

so unless someone takes over OK OK

well my dad and I had just gotten into a fight

I could tell he was getting more and more tense

the closer we got to the Alamo

sorry for getting you shaken up

used to it what are you listening to Chicago

oh God

you don't wanna get on that dad oh

hello hey Jack

this is the Roberto Dominguez Councilman

District 1 in San Antonio hey

how's it going it's going alright

I got your number from my friend Eddie

and I want to tell you that we

we found some information

maybe we can meet tomorrow if you can come in

do you think you can make it uh

down to City Hall tomorrow

I absolutely can uh

let's say around 1 ish 1 ish okay great

well I have a safe trip

we'll do I don't trust this eating

it's a trap they're gonna get revenge

we'll figure it out alright

dead man walking

dead Man walking

Dead Man Walking

dead man walking

we had finally made it to San Antonio home of the Alamo

or as my dad felt his possible final resting place

dead man walking you ready to go

yep let's go do this

how you feeling alright

in the zone yeah okay

this was it our big meeting with Councilman Trevino

I had my fingers crossed that he

have my dad's arrest record

and be able to get us the final

OK to return to the Alamo

hey Jack

hi nice to meet you

great to meet you welcome to San Antonio

thank you I'm glad you're here alright

well let's go inside

we got some great things to show you awesome

please this way

you know I'd like to talk a little bit about our

our history here in in our city

in 2018 we'll be 300 years old

and it is because of the establishment of the Mission

San Antonio de Velero which was

it was a mission it wasn't

it was a mission that's correct

it was a fortress well

it you know

it ended up being a fortress

it ended up being a fortress

that's exactly right

although the Alamo was first established as a mission

it was most well known for the heroic battle

that took place there in 1836

where approximately 200 Texans

including Davy Crockett

held off the entire Mexican army for around 13 days

did we uncover some uh

some history about uh

this gentleman right here

well yes

as you know this happened in 1982

so it took it took a while to

to get some of this information

let me grab that it's over here actually

oh drum roll

the first thing I wanna say is that

we did find an outstanding warrant hahaha

no I'm just kidding

hahaha I'm just kidding

this is what we could find

and obviously what we can see here

it's got your your name

your full name John Michael Osbourne

they they marked uh

you some tattoos and occupation

they got that right singer singer

there's a second part to this

let's see

okay so here's what you were actually arrested for

believe it or not it was for public intoxication

so not not for the other thing we know about

so one of the most important parts about history is

setting the record straight

yeah yes

so yes

yes we're happy to

to welcome you back

and you guys are always welcome here in San Antonio

thank you very much help with some of this

thank you ma'am

oh you're quite welcome

oh thank you

so what do you think about your arrest

and that it was public intoxication

and not public urination oh yeah

I was I was totally broke into my happy dance

can I use your boys room bro

yeah absolutely

you definitely are using the restroom okay

well let's let's get you going

our visit with Councilman Trevino was a great success

we were finally

able to get the real story of what happened

at the Alamo San Antonio and room

and tomorrow we were gonna take that final step

and return to the scene of the crime

today is Alamo Day

the day when my dad and I were supposed to go

and learn about the Alamo however

things took a slight strange turn uh

yesterday I was watching the evening news local here

and it was announced that me and my dad were gonna

be at the Alamo today

everything we've done up to this point

has been really mellow and I've enjoyed that

and now it's like ugh

we gotta deal with like the spectacle of it all again

so I'm gonna go to breakfast with him right now

and kind of fill him in on

on what's been going on

did you happen to see the news last night

look at the bottom

oh how did that get in there

Ozzy Osbourne the Prince of darkness himself

will reportedly visit the element on Plaza today

to apologize for the relieving himself

oh

the good people of the San

Antonio City Council decided to uh

make a statement to the press yesterday

that we were coming to the Alamo

it was on the news this morning

and it's all over national press

if people get a kick out of saying well

he did this and did that

you know that's all

everything's legal as it is

you know

okay no

I mean hey no

I I see what's going on here

no no no

I mean I'm not really proud of the fact

I think you are I think you like the story

and I think you like the attention no

I mean it's like the bad boy

nobody wants to say no

I'm a Christian I want some badass

now

do you think it gives you a little bit of street cred

well the Prince of darkness

don't give a shit about street cred

ha ha ha ha if it gets too intense

we gotta give it back up

the whole point was we were gonna go down to the Alamo

meet up with Professor Hardon Hardon

um Professor Hardon gonna kind of Hardon

I'm in a San Antonio meeting

a guy called Professor Hardon

Professor Hardon what a name

what

inappropriate inappropriate no

you're trying to harden like Arden

but Harden what did Professor Harden do

he did the book with Phil Collins

alright let's go

as soon as we had left the hotel

there were quite a few autograph hunters waiting for us

it had already started to get out of hand

I can't do it right now sir

I can't do it right now I can't do it no

I can't do it right now I can't no I can't do it

I've got a really bad stomach today

just been nerves probably

I don't know what the fuck we're doing this for

we're meeting Doctor Harden

um here

um good luck

it's gonna be a fucking three ring circus at this place

it's okay just wait

believe me for once

it's just gonna be a little nuts down there

but let's just try and keep this like cool calm

we'll figure this out

Holly Holly

so what are we gonna do now

wherever Doctor Harden is

we're gonna go this is gonna be a

let's just go we'll walk

we'll have a chat with Doctor Harden we'll go in

you didn't even wait for me to get out of the car

he was gone and I was like uh

now what

I was like whoa

it's my birthday today can't do it

can't do it can't do it like a riot again I was myself

it's alright for you you ain't the PLD I was born

hey

I'm I'm with hey it's my dad hey

alright where's Doctor Harden

alright

listen we appreciate you all being here

we really do and it's awesome

we love this alright

we love we love a San Antonio welcome right

alright so listen listen

we all want to have fun alright

so if everyone could take 10 steps back

that would be awesome you handled it very well

I wish you'd have been there 25 years ago

I totally could have got you

stopped you from getting arrested

I'd have been like

whoa whoa whoa we all want to have fun here right

haha

hey Doctor Harden Steve Harden

how are you nice to meet you Steve

glad you're here

now is this is this your first time to the island

this is my first time not mine

not his you've been here before

oh yeah oh sure well

we were planning a a walk around the Alamo compound

but I'm told that that's pretty much out yeah

what's that okay

want to go inside the show yeah

I think they're just gonna make a path

and we're gonna start

and then it happened

we walked off into the sunset and into the Alamo

our mission here in Texas was complete Yeehaw

you did really well Jack

thank you I had a good tutor on how to command a crowd

that I must say

was one of the more interesting

historical experiences I've ever had

it was better inside than it was outside

there was much less people inside

it was much cooler and there was some actually

kind of cool artifacts hanging around

they had Davy Crockett's wallet

I'm like how the heck would they know that

that was Davy Crockett's wallet

I did get one photo of dad

they wouldn't even let me take pictures

here we go there's the one photo

proof that you entered the Alamo

what have I been saying from Day one

what have I been saying

you said it was gonna turn into a show

what happened turn into a show

we did it Mark it off the bucket list

OK high five

so am I right you are right

thank you

oh thank you