Original subtitles

[both chuckling]

[rock music]

? ?

- Well, back to the daily grind.

[chuckles] - Yep.

Cash the unemployment check,

buy a beer, drink it, fall asleep on the couch.

Still can't seem to get ahead.

- Yep. [chuckles]

[tires skidding]

Whoa. Check it out, Beavis.

It's a free couch.

- Whoa, that's cool.

[both chuckling]

Lucky day.

- Whoa.

This is so much cooler than our couch.

- Yeah, it looks like nobody's ever fallen asleep

and peed on it.

Not even once!

- If we had this couch in our apartment,

we could finally start inviting chicks over and stuff.

- And then they'll want to sit on our couch.

Yeah. [chuckles]

- Yeah. [chuckles]

And then sit on me.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah, cool.

I'll take this end.

- OK. [chuckles]

- And you take that end.

- Uh, no.

[chuckles]

- Oh. [chuckles] Really?

That sucks.

[straining]

- Hurry up already, dumbass.

- Oh, God.

- Welcome to my micro cabin.

- [chuckles] Welcome to my micro cabin.

[chuckles]

It's where I keep my micro penis.

- Wait a minute. That's his house?

Oh, boy. [chuckles]

- He's like, I wanna feel like I'm living in my car,

but not be able to actually go anywhere.

[both chuckling]

- This mailbox is actually a kids' lunchbox from the 1960s.

I was out cruising around looking for a mailbox.

- I was out cruising around, looking for a mailbox for it.

And I saw a little kid going to school,

and I said, uh, that lunchbox is mine now.

Run along. [chuckles]

You can find another lunchbox.

I need this for the shipping crate I live in.

[chuckles]

- It'll double the size of my home.

[chuckling] Yeah, in all seriousness, though, Butt-Head,

I don't think he's ever gonna score.

Yeah. [chuckles]

- Nope. [chuckles]

- Because of the added room because of the pop top.

- When he meets girls, he's like,

come on back to my house, baby.

You can stand all the way up. [chuckles]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. [chuckles]

Chicks are probably like, uh, glasses-on-hat guy,

I wanna score with you back at your house.

And he's like, hmm, well,

I'm gonna have to measure you first.

[both chuckling]

- You can bang your head on the ceiling,

and then you can bang me.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, but hurry up,

because we only have 15 minutes of air.

[chuckles]

There's probably not enough room for you,

me, and my boner, so one of us

is going to have to wait outside.

[chuckles]

And I'm thinking me.

[chuckles]

- I have my kitchen area.

- Yeah, maybe I can set the mood

by heating up some canned food for you.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Maybe a little Chef Boyardee.

I put the D in Chef Boyardee. [chuckles]

And magnets, oh, I got 'em, yeah.

[chuckles]

[couch scraping on ground]

- [straining]

[groans]

- Hey, baby. Check out what we're doing.

[chuckles]

- Are you moving?

- Yeah, no one peed on this couch. [chuckles]

- You're finally leaving.

Tonight, I am bringing friends over

and we are having a party to celebrate.

This is fantastic.

- Whoa. Did you hear that?

She's gonna come back with a bunch of chicks

and party with us.

This couch is working even better than I thought.

[chuckles]

- Yeah, we better get it up the stairs fast.

- And then we'll get it up. [chuckles]

- That's right. [chuckles]

Nothing to it but to do it. [chuckles]

[Butt-Head humming]

[Beavis straining]

- Come on, Beavis.

You're making me do all the work.

[Beavis groans]

- Um, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

- Yeah? Uh, what?

- Oh, this is really heavy.

Like, can we take a rest for a second?

- Uh, sure.

I've been resting for, like, five minutes.

[chuckles]

Feels good to take a load off.

- Ah! No!

[Beavis screaming]

- Nice job, dumbass.

You dropped it. - [groaning]

OK, OK. Here's my idea.

We pull the couch up with this string.

- Whoa. That's a good idea, asswipe.

- Yeah, make sure you tie it really tight.

Like with a knot, you know?

- Shut up, Beavis.

I know what I'm doing.

[chuckles] Just take this here.

Rabbit goes around the tree.

Just tighten this.

- OK, is the string tied to the couch?

- Beavis, you dumbass, your dumb string doesn't work.

It tied me up or something.

- I think if you unwrap it

from around your butt or something, and then, like-

- Beavis, get down here and untie your dumb string.

- OK.

[head clanking] Um, give me a second.

I think my head's caught in the railing.

I can't get it out.

- I don't care.

- Nah, don't worry.

This happened all the time when I was a kid.

You just have to come up here

and put peanut butter on my ears.

- Damn it. I'm gonna come up there and kick your ass.

[Butt-Head groans]

- Ah! Butt-Head, help! Ah!

Ah! - Oh, no.

Uh- - Ah!

Butt-Head! Ah, no!

- Damn it, Beavis. Look what you did.

- [screaming]

- Oh.

- [pants]

That's better.

Are my ears still on?

- Beavis, I'm gonna kill you.

[chuckles]

- [sighs] We can't get the couch up the steps, Butt-Head.

- Uh, yeah, I know.

- Well, I guess some guys

just aren't meant to have a cool couch and-

and to have chicks come sit on it

and maybe sit on their schlongs.

- No, Beavis.

Shut up. [chuckles]

This is our one chance to score with Donna

and her dumb friends.

[slow inspiring music]

And that's only the beginning.

After we score with them,

we're gonna move up to chicks who are even hotter

because chicks will, like, know we do it.

[chuckles]

Beavis, we are going to get that couch in our apartment.

[chuckles]

- Yeah! Yeah, Butt-Head! Yeah, let's do it!

Yeah! [chuckles]

- That's right, Beavis.

Let's do this. - Yeah!

[both grunting]

- Yeah. [grunting]

[triumphant music]

- We did it. OK, wait.

Now, just gonna unlock the door.

[Beavis screams]

- We can do it, Beavis.

- Yeah, let's go.

[both grunting]

? ?

- Easy does it.

- Almost there.

[both chuckling]

We did it! Yeah, we finally did it.

[both sigh]

Oh, boy. [chuckles]

Um.

Um, Butt-Head, um,

I think we're in the wrong apartment.

[chuckles]

- Uh-oh, yeah.

[triumphant music]

[both grunting]

[objects clattering loudly]

? ?

[both grunt]

[wood creaking]

- We did it, Butt-Head.

Now, we're finally gonna score.

Yeah. [chuckles]

- Yep.

All we gotta do is wait for the chicks.

[chuckles]

- I am so happy those two losers moved out.

You can't believe what a relief it is that

they're finally-[gasps]

Goddamn it!

What did they do to my apartment?

Oh, damn it!

- Uh, we're not gonna score.

[chuckles]

- Yep. [both chuckling]

[rock music]

- These guys are unbelievable!

[indistinct shouting]

[rock music]

? ?

[chiming noises]

- Chirp.

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