All language subtitles for The.Middle.S01E06.HDTV.FEVER.en

"The Front Door"

Axl!

Axl, get out
of bed now!

Now! I said, now!

Okay,
I know this doesn't look good.

But in fairness to me, this
wasn't how the morning started.

Axl, honey,

time to get up.

Come on, sleepyhead.

Rise and shine.

Axl, the bus comes
in 15 minutes.

Let's go!

You get the picture.

God. Overreact much?

You missed the bus, and now
I have to drive you to school!

Get dressed!

And take your plate
to the kitchen!

In case you hadn't heard,
we had to let

the room service waiters go,
due to the economy!

Being a parent
is a lot like

being a cop
in a bad part of town.

When you're up against a felon,
or, in our case, teenager,

it's good to know
you've got backup.

Mike?

I have had it with him.
He won't get out of bed,

he leaves
his dirty dishes in the hall,

I ask him to do anything,
I get...

Well, he had
a game last night.

- He's probably tired.
- Don't make excuses for him!

I need you
to back me up here, Mike.

Okay, yes,
I will do that.

I will back you up.
Just say the word.

Just say, "Mike, I'm weak.
I can't control my child.

I need your supreme
parenting skills."

Will you just
kick his ass, please?

I'm going in.

Axl, I'm gonna
count to three!

One...

two...

Hey, buddy.
Heck of a game last night.

Anyway, I think you'd better
get up, get ready for school.

And try not to set off
your mom like that, okay?

Don't poke the bear.

The bear's stressed out
and tired.

And, uh, take this plate to
the kitchen for me, will you?

Thanks, pal.

And I mean it!

So after
a stressful morning with Axl,

work was almost
like a break.

You people

are the sorriest bunch of losers
I've ever laid eyes on.

I said, "Almost."

And to reward you
for that achievement,

anyone who can't sell a car
by this time next week

is gonna find themselves
out on the street.

You're gonna fire us?

Forget that.

I'm gonna put you
out on the street

in that dog suit.

Loser!

Which one of you
is gonna be the head,

and which one
is gonna be the tail?

I have asthma, so I have
to be up near the mouth.

Now I want to hear
this sales bell ringing

like a trolley car
in Nancy town.

Got no room for
deadweight around here.

Speaking of which,
Frances...

My office.

So, Frances, how would you
describe your sales technique?

Well, I try to connect
personally with the customer,

um, give them
honest information

about the car they're
thinking of buying.

I oughta fire you right now.
I don't get it.

I read that women want
to buy cars from other women.

That's why I went against
all judgment and hired one.

Now you got
a chance here

to carry the torch
for all the lady-kind

or burn
the whole deal down.

It's up to you.

I'm kind of like the Rosa Parks
of Ehlert Cars, huh?

Rosa Parks? Don't even
get me started on her.

Now look...

You gotta find
your game, and quick!

Sounds wrong
to put a woman in a dog suit,

but... aw, hell.

Doesn't sound wrong
at all.

What are you doing?

Making a pyramid
out of sugar cubes.

- Sugar cubes.
- Oh, no.

No! Don't tell me you have
a class project due tomorrow.

No,
it's not due until next week.

I know it doesn't
seem like much,

but this was a milestone
in Brick's life...

And mine. He was
a full six and a half days

ahead of
his usual schedule.

A papier-mâché Niagara Falls...
by morning?

Seriously, Brick?

A Choctaw medicine man costume
by lunch?

I'm gonna need
some more sugar cubes.

Sugar cubes?
You got it. No problem.

Six and a half days--
I'll get you a truckload.

Mom? School pictures
came today.

Oh, God, no.
Please, no.

I was just on a sugar cube
high, and now this.

- I haven't looked yet.
- Oh, boy.

Okay,
let's do this together.

Sue has many
wonderful qualities,

but we've never seen
any of them show up on film.

Okay, no biggie.

We just have to go
for a retake, right?

But to get a retake,
I have to give this one back.

What if the retake picture
is worse than this?

I'll be stuck with it!

I think
it's worth the risk.

And maybe next time--

I know, I know.
Just relax and be myself.

No! Remember, we tried that
last year? And...

Maybe if you thought
of something pleasant,

like a rainbow
or Ashton Kutcher.

There you go!

Perfect! Now can you
do that again tomorrow?

No. I'm just gonna hold it
till then.

Hey. How was work?
How's--

Oh, no. Is it school picture
time again? Damn it!

Why the hell do they do this,
year after year?

- This kid--
- I know.

She's having it retaken.

Wait a minute.

Is that Axl's plate from
this morning on the floor?

At least it made it
into the kitchen.

Hang on.
What are you doing?

I can't get into another battle
with him today, Mike.

I am exhausted.

You know,
picture day and everything?

No. You told him
to clean up his mess,

I told him
to clean up his mess...

He's gonna
clean up his mess.

Well, call me
if you need backup.

Look what I found.

- Oh, hey, thanks, man.
- No, you moron.

It's the sandwich I told you
to throw away this morning.

What were you thinking?

Hey, Axl.
Look at me.

Look at me
and continue looking at me.

Better. I thought I told you
to throw this sandwich away.

No, you said,
"Take it to the kitchen."

And throw it out.

- You didn't say that.
- Okay. Well,

then let me break it down for you
so you wont get confused.

You're gonna take this plate--
the one with the sandwich on it

and take it to the kitchen--
the room with the sink,

and you're gonna throw
the sandwich in the garbage

and you're gonna put the dirty
dish in the dishwasher.

And you're going to do this
after every meal,

for as long as you live
in this house.

Got it?

Fine, whatever.
Yeah.

Now.

I'll get to it.
Chill.

Oh, God!
You are always on me! Fine!

And while
we're on the subject,

your mom and I are sick of
your attitude. From now on,

when she asks you
to do something, you do it.

You got to admit--
My partner is pretty hot.

Also, you're gonna start
earning your keep around here.

As a matter of fact, your mom
has a whole list of things

she wants you to do.
Go, Frankie.

Oh! Um...
Yes.

There's a lot of stuff
for you to do.

Just give me a second.
Um...

Kind of on the spot here.

Okay, well, whatever
she comes up with,

you're gonna do it
with a smile

- on your face--
- Rake the leaves!

Fold the laundry, uh,
clean the light fixtures--

- Ooh, they're coming now. Uh...
- You can't do this!

- You heard your mother.
- God! This is so unfair!

And you're gonna
fix that, too.

No way! No.
It was already broken.

Mom has been telling you to fix
that hinge for, like, a month!

- Right, Mom?
- Uh...

I support your father.

Classic!

And this door stays
right where it is

until you march your butt
back here and fix it!

Oh, I forgot to mention--
two days a week,

the "Orson Herald"
puts out an evening edition.

The next morning, we still
didn't have a front door.

And even though folks
in Orson, Indiana,

brag about never having to
lock their doors,

it's still good to have one
to leave unlocked.

What are we gonna do?

Well, honey, your father says
Axl has to put the door back on,

and I support your father.

You still
don't have a door?

I support your father.

But, Mom.

Oh, shoot! My smile!

On cop shows, partners back
each other up no matter what.

Yeah, we probably shouldn't
have made our parenting rules

based on cop shows.

Meanwhile, it was amazing
what the threat of a dog suit

will do to motivate
a sales team.

Ow!

Pete Miller.
How you doing?

I had to find my game,
and fast.

First I started out
with a tried and true classic.

Bob and I teamed up
for a little good cop/bad cop.

And I completely agree.

I think 15,500 is
a very reasonable offer.

I was the good cop...

$15,500? Are you insane?
That is way too high.

What are you trying to do
to these poor people?

And so, apparently,
was Bob.

What are you doing?

You're supposed to be
the bad cop.

No, you're bad cop. You're
helping me sell the car.

No, you're helping me.

Why would I do that?
I spent four years

as the birthday rat
at Chuck E. Cheese.

I can't go back
in a furry head.

Attention,
all sales personnel--

We are out of sugar cubes
in the coffee area.

Plan accordingly.

Wow.

You must have bought out
the entire store.

Sure.
Let's go with that.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Mm-hmm. Hey.

Oh.
Is that the new picture?

- Well?
- Not good.

Now, now.
Let me be the--

Ooh. Yeah.
No, that is not good.

What even is that face?

I had a blister in my mouth,

and I was feeling it
with my tongue.

Why would you do that
while he's taking the picture?

I just can't stop.

So what do I do now?

I only have
one retake left.

I think
you gotta double down.

Axl.

Dad.

Truth be told, I was getting
a little worried,

'cause when it comes
to being stubborn,

Axl and Mike
had a history.

Axl, you're too old
for a diaper.

You're not leaving there
till you go in the potty.

Fine. I'll wait.

Gotta say "please."

Fine. I'll wait.

Please?

Yep, till now,
Mike would always win,

- but Axl was growing up.
- Fine. I can wait.

I got nothing but time.

Yes, we knew
they both could wait,

but could we?

But I had bigger things
to worry about.

Over the next few days, I tried
every sales trick in the book.

I tried being
one of the guys...

Check out the power plant
on this baby.

Step on the accelerator,
she'll throw you back

like a nickel hooker
at a truck stop.

I tried being
one of the girls...

I started my period today.

Men--they're distant, huh?

While Mike tried every trick
in his book.

Axl, no door, no TV.

No door, no phone.

No door, no food.

"No door, no food"?

Yeah, you're right.
That could take weeks.

- No door, no water.
- Wh--are--ugh!

Mike, seriously,
what is your plan here?

Relax. I've got it
all under control.

I don't know that you do.
I mean, what if he never caves?

What if he figures
out we have no real power?

What if the sun explodes?

You can worry about it all day,
but it's not gonna happen.

And besides, he's the one
that broke the door.

Pfft. Mm-hmm.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You think
it's not his fault?

Careful. Careful.

I'm just saying
that someone

might have been telling
someone for three months

- to replace the hinge.
- Look, Frankie, if we let him win,

things will never be
the same around here.

- Look, I know you're tired--
- I am not tired.

Yeah, I'm pretty much
always tired.

Okay, you say the word,
and we will back off.

What is the word? I'll say it.
I'll say it right now.

There's no word.
We're not backing off.

Fine.

You are so stubborn.

I'll be at work.

Imagine me
slamming the door!

Unbelievable.

Still no sugar cubes.

It's weird.

Ooh.
Pretty warm in there, huh?

Oh, uh,
the heat's not that bad.

The--the stench is
what's hard to take.

It smells like
a rotting carcass

shoved up the butt
of a rotting carcass.

So... pretty unpleasant,
I'm guessing.

On the plus side, the legs
are stiff from dried sweat,

so you can black out in here
and bam! You're still standing.

Mm.
How about that?

You two are just about
the same size. Wow.

Day seven without a door--
or was it day nine?

I had lost track

and the feeling
in my fingertips.

- Can I turn up the heat?
- Dad says no.

But I have to take
my picture tomorrow,

- and I'm gonna have a red nose.
- I said I support your father,

and I support your father.

Oh, Brick.
Oh, wow!

You finished it.
Oh, it's beautiful.

I am so proud of you.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

That's your school project.

No, it isn't.
The pyramid was just for fun.

My project's
the State Capitol Building.

It's due tomorrow.

What?

I'm gonna need
some tongue depressors,

1,500 stir sticks and a giant
green styrofoam ball.

Okay.

Here's what's gonna happen--

We're gonna stick a hoosier flag
on top of this thing

and pray for a "C."

If you need me, I'll be
sitting on the space heater.

Who the hell are you?

We wanted to talk to you
about the Kingdom of Jehovah.

There was no door.

Yes, I know.

You know who'd really
love to talk to you--

and please do bring
all your pamphlets--

My husband.
He's out in the garage.

Attention, all customers--

Half-hour left
in our fall madness sale.

Okay, Wayne.
What do you think?

I can only offer you this deal
for another 30 minutes.

Attention, all customers--

The winter madness sale
starts in 30 minutes.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'll have to think
about it.

Maybe I'll check back
next week. Thanks.

So that was that.
Bob had made a sale,

and I was still
the only one left at zero.

I guess we knew who'd be
wearing the dog suit.

I'm sorry.

Hey.

What is that?

You still have mud
on your shoes?

I told you to wipe your shoes
before you got in the car.

And now look, there's mud
all over the floorboard.

I'm sorry.
I j--I wasn't thinking.

No, you weren't,
were you?

And now I've got to clean up
the car. Is that fair?

Should I have to clean up
your mess?

No.

I am just
so disappointed in you.

Me?

Yeah. You wasted a lot
of my time here, Wayne.

And from everything you told me
on our test drive,

this is so typical of you.

You can't decide
if you should buy the car.

You can't decide if you want
to go back to school.

You can't decide
if you should marry Jennifer.

And from the picture
in your wallet, she is adorable!

You have to grow up
and make up your mind.

Okay. I'll take it.

You'll what now?

I'll buy the car.

God.
You sound like my mother.

And there it was--my hook.

It had always been right there
in front of me.

I'm a mom. All I had to do
was tap into it.

Aah!

Great news!
Guess what I did t--

Oh, come on!

I sold a car.

Well, well, well.

What have we here?

You put the door
back on.

Good boy.

No. I didn't.

I did it.

You did it?
You put the door back,

partner?
That's it.

It's coming back off.

Don't... you... dare.

Hey. I think now
would be a good time

to go do
your homework.

Frankie, give me the drill.
Come on. Hand it over.

How did I end up
in a standoff with Mike?

We'd always been
on the same page

when it came to--
Well, just about everything,

Except "Caddyshack."

Thanks for the backup, pal.

Listen, there are all different
kinds of backup, Mike,

like when your partner loses
his mind, and you gotta step in

and knock some freaking sense
into him!

Remember the time you grew
the Tom Selleck mustache

and I had to shave it off
in your sleep? Backup.

So what now?

Axl walks free with more
of a sense of entitlement

than he already had?

We were this close, Frankie,
this close.

To getting robbed
in our sleep?

Okay, here it is--
the last picture.

Oh, hey, the door's back.

I was too nervous to look,
but I think it might be okay.

Maybe. I don't know.
You look first.

Oh, honey.

- It is wonderful!
- Really? Honest?

Man, you look beautiful.
The third time's a charm.

And sometimes,
without any discussion,

you find yourself
back on the same page.

Yes! I nailed it.

Oh, my lord!

I have never seen her make
that expression in my life.

What is that?

Three tries.
She had three tries.

- She's consistent.
- Oh!

Oh, Sue.

- Hey. I sold a car today.
- You're kidding!

- Yeah! That's amazing.
- I know.

Oh, hey. You're gonna think
of an awful punishment for Axl.

An awful one.

I will. I will.
I'm not as brilliant as you,

but I will come up
with something.

This is totally unfair!

Genius.

Yep, everything was
as it should be.

I had a commission, a door.
They even gave me my own desk.

I was Frankie Heck,
sales mom.

Look out, world.