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23.976
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00:00:01,876 --> 00:00:04,921
"Pilot"
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Hello? Hello?
4
00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:13,471
Can you hear me?
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,514
Oh, damn it.
6
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:16,683
Come on!
7
00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,810
Some people call this
the middle of nowhere...
8
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,604
You know, one of
those places you fly over
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00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,982
on your way from somewhere
to somewhere else,
10
00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,650
but you wouldn't live here.
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00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,112
Folks, right now we're flyingover
the great state of Indiana,
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00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,530
if you'd like
to take a look.
13
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:36,953
Well, look down next time, and you'll
see us down here in the middle--
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00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,873
Orson, Indiana,
heart of the heartland,
15
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:42,250
proud home
of Little Betty Snack Cakes,
16
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:46,546
the demolition derby for the homeless
and the world's largest polyurethane cow.
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00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,008
So how'd I end up in the middle
of the road in this getup?
18
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:50,842
Here? No.
19
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,469
Bars! I got bars.
20
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,055
Guess it all started
a couple of weeks ago,
21
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,058
and no, I'm not
an actual superhero,
22
00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,018
not unless you count
getting my kids out the door
23
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,269
for school every morning.
24
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,104
I made breakfast!
25
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,981
Come on, we're late!
Let's go, let's go!
26
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,484
That's my youngest--
Brick.
27
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,612
{Y:i}You know how you think giving a kid
a cool name will make him cool?
28
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,530
{Y:i}It doesn't.
29
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,240
Okay, now listen.
30
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,326
Today at recess,
I don't want you
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00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,454
wandering around alone
on the perimeter, all right?
32
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,539
Makes you an easy target,
you know?
33
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,084
Like--like the gazelle that gets
separated from the pack.
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00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,127
You've gotta find yourself
a group of kids
35
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:28,713
and just stand
near them.
36
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,258
You know you're my hero,
right, Mom?
37
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,010
Thank you, honey.
Eat your pancake.
38
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,303
It's still frozen.
39
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,263
Well, lick it.
It'll last longer.
40
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:39,557
Hey, Mike, have you seen
that envelope
41
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,518
with my driver's license
from the DMV?
42
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,894
I need it for work.
43
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,896
Why is this place
such a mess?
44
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,692
{Y:i}That one over there
would be Axl.
45
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,611
{Y:i}Since he hit 15,
he hibernates in his room
46
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,613
{Y:i}and only comes out
to paw through our food
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00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,657
{Y:i}and shoot off
sarcastic comments.
48
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,992
Oh, we're
out of chips.
49
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,370
Nice job, Mom.
50
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,372
Yeah, I can't hear you
if you don't have pants on.
51
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,499
Mom, where's my homework?
52
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,668
Uh-huh! Okay.
53
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,176
When did this happen?
54
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,137
Mike, look at this.
Look at this.
55
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:18,680
This is--I haven't had
my driver's license picture
56
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:19,806
taken in seven years,
okay?
57
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,099
- Mm-hmm.
- Here's the old one.
58
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:22,976
Look at this.
59
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,102
What happened to me?
60
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,980
Uh, well, back then,
you were all young and shiny
61
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,690
and wondering
what your life's gonna be.
62
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,568
And now...
Well, now you know!
63
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,947
Mom!
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00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,907
Hey, come in here
if you want to talk to me.
65
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,576
Axl, put some pants on.
Here.
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00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:43,288
{Y:i}Okay, maybe it was
just a bad picture.
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00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,498
{Y:i}I mean, yikes.
68
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:50,795
Mike, does it ever bum you out that
I'm not young and shiny anymore?
69
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,422
Well, sure, honey.
It's a huge bummer,
70
00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:54,090
but what are you gonna do?
71
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,550
Oh, shoot!
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00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,260
I wanted chips
for my lunch.
73
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:58,970
She didn't buy any.
74
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,349
Sue, grab a pancake.
We're late.
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00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:03,975
{Y:i}That's Sue.
76
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,977
{Y:i}She's been going through
a bit of an awkward stage...
77
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,937
{Y:i}for the past 13 years.
78
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,857
Mom, the dryer ate
my leg warmers again.
79
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,194
I told you, you can't put
wet things in the dryer anymore.
80
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,738
Well, I need 'em,
'cause guess what?
81
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,741
I'm trying out
for show choir this week.
82
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,159
{Y:i}I know, I know--
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00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,870
{Y:i}That's not an expression parents
should have on their faces
84
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,873
{Y:i}when their daughter tells them
she's trying out for something.
85
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:30,377
{Y:i}But see, Sue had a long history
of things she tried out for--
86
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,713
{Y:i}A long and...
painful history.
87
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,683
Show choir.
88
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:45,767
Wow, super.
89
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,894
That--that should be
fun to try out for.
90
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,772
Now listen, Dad's gonna
fix the dryer again,
91
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,357
but right now, I just need
everybody to go.
92
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,650
Let's get out the door.
Come on.
93
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,235
- Let's go, let's go!
- Mom.
94
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:59,614
{Y:i}That driver's license picture was
a big wake-up call from the DMV.
95
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,826
{Y:i}Somehow the life had been
sucked right out of me.
96
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,955
{Y:i}But who or what
had sucked it?
97
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,125
- Mom, he's not giving my bag back!
- Mom, Mom, Mom.
98
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,252
- Mom! Mom!
- Mom.
99
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,130
We did teach 'em
the word "Dad," didn't we?
100
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,592
{Y:i}We're a two-job family.
101
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,804
{Y:i}Mike manages a bunch of
boneheads down at the quarry.
102
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,350
Oh, for cryin' out loud.
103
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,438
And my latest job
I'm too smart for,
104
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:35,150
is selling cars at Orson's
last surviving car dealership.
105
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,609
Well, well, well.
106
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,028
What a month, huh?
107
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,364
Frankie, don't let him
intimidate you.
108
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,949
He may be the king
of sales around here,
109
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,493
but he's been rejected by
the Elks Lodge twice.
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00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,953
I'm not gonna say
by who.
111
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:50,290
- It was me.
- Really?
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00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,209
I told them that
he's a pedophile.
113
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,919
- No.
- Yeah. He's not.
114
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,964
He's not a pedophile.
He's not.
115
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,841
- Wait, Bob.
- What?
116
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,092
Okay, this check
can't be right.
117
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,054
This is lower than the amount
I spent on gas to get here.
118
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,264
Ain't nothing wrong with
the check, Frances.
119
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:07,974
That there
is your base salary,
120
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,518
and that's what it's gonna stay
until you sell a car
121
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:11,644
and get a commission.
122
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,855
Now one week left
in the month.
123
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:17,150
You sell a car, or you may be
out on your keister.
124
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:19,611
Yeah. Yeah.
125
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,364
I, um...
but listen, I mean,
126
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,534
my keister's having a little
cash flow problem right now.
127
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:30,455
I may not have sold a car yet,
but I've come real close.
128
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,748
See that buck up there?
129
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,418
He came real close
to not being hit by a bullet.
130
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,796
You see
what I'm saying?
131
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,173
By the way, did you ever
get a new driver's license?
132
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,424
We gotta post them,
133
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,718
and that old one
didn't look a thing like you.
134
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,181
Oh, yeah.
Now that's you.
135
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,728
I see myself
as kind of a matchmaker
136
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:54,813
for people and vehicles,
137
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:58,191
and I just have a feeling
about you and this little cutie.
138
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,110
Why don't we take it
for a test drive and--
139
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,821
{Y:i}Frankie, you have
a call on line one.
140
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,824
{Y:i}Your son's school
is on line one.
141
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,701
Hurt, or just in trouble?
142
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,618
'Cause if
it's just in trouble,
143
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,578
can you ask him
if I call him back?
144
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,835
Yeah, this is Frankie Heck.
Is everything okay?
145
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,465
You said you were
gonna pick him up.
146
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,050
No, you said you were.
147
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,344
{Y:i}I even put a post-it
on your thermos.
148
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,639
{Y:i}Is that
what that means?
149
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,060
{Y:i}There's birthday cake
in the break room.
150
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,562
{Y:i}It's angel food.
151
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,606
Feel that?
Uh, take a left right here.
152
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,943
Pretty smooth, huh?
153
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,112
That's 150 horsepower.
154
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,322
And did I tell you
about our recession deals?
155
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:49,701
Oh, get in the right lane and
pull over, pull over, pull over!
156
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,579
Quick, quick!
Get in, get in, get in!
157
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,044
Brick, honey,
how do you like those seats?
158
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:00,045
They're amazing.
159
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,630
They also come with
optional leather trim
160
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,591
and preferred suede inserts.
161
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,844
And if you buy today,
I'll throw the inserts in for free.
162
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,304
Mom, are you crazy?
163
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,556
That's a $600 value.
164
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,937
At least
you're still my hero.
165
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,314
Aww, thanks, pal.
166
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,732
I made dinner!
167
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,193
- Thank you.
- Sure.
168
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,196
Hey, Underpants, you think
you're too good for us?
169
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,198
We are a family,
170
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,950
{Y:i}and we are going to
eat together as a family.
171
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,788
{Y:i}This is
Dancing With the Stars.
172
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,500
Okay, quick, let's hear
about everybody's day.
173
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,210
Mine sucked.
Next.
174
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,128
Well, ahem,
I'm trying to decide
175
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,714
what number I should do
for my show choir audition.
176
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,800
- Oh, my God.
- What?
177
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,009
Does it really matter
what song you pick?
178
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,552
'Cause there's no way
you're gonna make it.
179
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,512
- Mom!
- Mike.
180
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:51,304
Axl.
181
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,223
You know, your brother's
just trying to say
182
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,974
you should just choose
whatever you want.
183
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:58,061
Now me, I like a quick-song.
Quick, leave 'em wantin' more.
184
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,232
You have a meeting with
my teacher on Monday.
185
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:02,691
What?
186
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:05,527
It's imperative that you
both be there, she says.
187
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,238
Imperative!
188
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,657
Who's he whispering to?
Why does he do that?
189
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,117
I thought I told you
to knock that off.
190
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,785
I like it.
It soothes me.
191
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,078
Okay, what teacher's meeting?
192
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,204
I didn't even
get a note.
193
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,835
Oh, my God,
you're so weird.
194
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:23,128
- Mom!
- Mike.
195
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:23,920
Axl.
196
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,090
Yeah, well, from what
I can tell, it is Monday.
197
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,134
Okay,
we both work Monday.
198
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,053
Sorry.
Sorry.
199
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,680
Sorry.
200
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,227
Did I tell you Hank at the quarry
found his finger today?
201
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,603
Oh, really?
That's good.
202
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,856
Mom, Dad.
203
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,984
Are you guys
disappointed in me?
204
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,611
You know,
'cause I never make anything?
205
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,447
Oh, sure
I'm disappointed, hon.
206
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,365
This is, like, the 12th thing
you've tried out for.
207
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,451
I mean, I love not
having to go to the events.
208
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:59,080
I'm thinking maybe I won't
try out for show choir...
209
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,000
if you guys
don't think I should.
210
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,336
{Y:i}Of course she shouldn't.
211
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,255
{Y:i}Show choir in Indiana
has always been huge.
212
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,966
{Y:i}Next to basketball,
its combination of singing
213
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,010
{Y:i}and Broadway-caliber
choreography
214
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,554
{Y:i}is the most cutthroat
competition around.
215
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:17,849
{Y:i}I didn't want
to see her get hurt,
216
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,685
{Y:i}but then I looked
at her young and shiny face
217
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:23,480
{Y:i}not beaten down yet
by busted dryers
218
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,732
{Y:i}and mean bosses
with guns...
219
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,442
- Go for it.
- Hmm?
220
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,320
{Y:i}- You really--you really think so?
- No.
221
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,364
Dad?
222
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:39,287
This could be
your year.
223
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,289
Okay! Cool.
224
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,584
{Y:i}We are so screwed.
225
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:49,005
Brick is a very
quirky child...
226
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,925
Maybe clinically quirky, even.
227
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,135
We have no idea
what you mean.
228
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,429
{Y:i}We knew exactly
what she meant.
229
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,813
Happy birthday to you!
230
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,732
Mrs. Rettig, Mrs. Rettig,
I want to tell you
231
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,859
something funny
I did the other day.
232
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,945
Well, that may be because
233
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,739
you haven't spent much time
here in the classroom.
234
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:15,699
Are we supposed to?
235
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,742
I mean, isn't that
the point of school--
236
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,412
That between 8:00 and 3:00,
he's your problem?
237
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,664
If he, you know, eats
his napkin at dinner,
238
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,541
we don't call you and ask you
to come over to our house.
239
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,794
Look, I would love to spend
more time here, but I work.
240
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,629
I'm at work right now.
241
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,384
Brick's a very bright boy,
242
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:38,763
but we feel he could benefit from
a series of more formal tests--
243
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:41,141
Okay, look,
Brick isn't your typical kid,
244
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:45,270
but he is funny and sweet
and probably a genius.
245
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,480
Okay, so he doesn't fit into
your cookie-cutter mold.
246
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,899
But that doesn't mean
that he needs fixing.
247
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,903
Our oldest son had a completely
pointed head until he was six.
248
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,155
Like a candy corn.
249
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,656
And so what,
we got some funny looks
250
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:57,824
when we took him
to the mall?
251
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,075
You know
what we did about it?
252
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,243
Nothing.
253
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,495
And eventually, it just
flattened out all on its own.
254
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,039
I think what we're trying
to say here is,
255
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,040
thanks for your concern,
256
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:08,043
but our Brick doesn't need
any special anything.
257
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,627
- He's fine.
- Mm-hmm.
258
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,671
His best friend
is his backpack.
259
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,135
I just hope he's weird enough
that our insurance covers it.
260
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:22,223
How happy are you
with your car?
261
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,936
{Y:i}First a busted dryer,
now a busted kid.
262
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,356
{Y:i}I needed to sell a car now
more than ever.
263
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,399
{Y:i}And if Ehlert caught me
sneaking in and out,
264
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,443
{Y:i}he'd nail my keister
to his wall.
265
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,905
Mr. Ehlert was looking
for you, Frankie.
266
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:37,655
Where you been?
267
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,033
Here.
Right here.
268
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:44,537
Just, uh, working
with this fine woman
269
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,123
who's interested
in this fine car.
270
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,125
Actually, I am interested
in this car.
271
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,460
Get outta town.
272
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,672
But I was just wondering
if a convertible is too wild for me.
273
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,256
Are you kidding me?
274
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:59,469
Wild on the outside,
but dependable on the inside.
275
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,303
Yeah, you know what?
276
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:04,891
{Y:i}- I consider myself a matchmaker--
- Frankie, call on line one.
277
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,519
{Y:i}- For people and vehicles...
- It's your husband.
278
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,438
And you look like
the type of person--
279
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,981
{Y:i}He sounds pretty mad.
280
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,733
{Y:i}He's at Axl's school.
281
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,611
{Y:i}He needs you to go back
and pick up Brick.
282
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,071
Oh, come on!
283
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,490
No, he is supposed
to pick up Brick!
284
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,534
Axl is at football
until 5:00!
285
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,704
Tell him to read
his damn thermos!
286
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,831
Oh, look, look, I can always
come back another day.
287
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,958
- No!
- No, I'm a mom, too.
288
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,459
I know what it's like.
289
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:38,341
{Y:i}All sales personnel,
the doughnuts are here.
290
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,051
Now you're suspended
for three games?
291
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,553
What the hell is
the matter with you?
292
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,137
What did he do?
293
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,805
He called his football coach
a moron.
294
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,140
You always call him
a moron.
295
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,850
He called for a bomb
on 4th and 1.
296
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,685
You think you're some
sort of a big shot
297
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:49,936
just 'cause
you play ball?
298
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,313
Well, the smart-mouth
attitude goes today.
299
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:52,939
Whatever.
300
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,399
That's it!
Go to your room.
301
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,736
No, wait. You like your room.
Go to Sue's room!
302
00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,404
Moron.
303
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,031
Damn it.
304
00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:03,992
If only he had, like,
a car or a TV or a cell phone--
305
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,577
something good we could
take away from him.
306
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,538
- I know.
- Mom, you're my hero.
307
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,123
That's nice, honey,
but we're trying to think up
308
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,541
a good punishment
for your brother.
309
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,418
You'll need a costume.
310
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,629
- Costume.
- Huh?
311
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,757
I'm doinga book report
on Superwoman.
312
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,842
You have to come dress
like her Monday
313
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,053
so I can show and tell you
as part of my project.
314
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,305
You can also come
as Jungle Girl,
315
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,556
but I'd have
to do it today.
316
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,143
Damn it, Brick, you've gotta
tell me these things earlier.
317
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,019
I did!
318
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:33,355
I've been telling you
all week you're my hero.
319
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,065
Didn't you listen?
320
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,566
Whatever!
321
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,777
Honey, okay, listen.
I'm sorry.
322
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,071
- Honey, come back here.
- Oh, let him be.
323
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,990
What is happening?
324
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:47,243
I used to think I was
a pretty good mom, and now...
325
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,870
God, I really--
I don't know.
326
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,872
Hey, come on.
You're a great mom.
327
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,543
So Brick is weird, and
Sue has no recognizable talent,
328
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,713
and Axl's flushing his future
down the toilet.
329
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,674
- All kids are screwed up.
- Yeah,
330
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,634
not the Donahues
across the street.
331
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:03,927
No. Those kids are awesome.
332
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:04,928
I know.
333
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,057
I did it.
I made show choir!
334
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,726
- You did?
- Yeah!
335
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:12,727
You sure, honey?
336
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,688
Is it actually
written down somewhere?
337
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:15,605
Yes, yes!
338
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,273
And they already
rotated me in,
339
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,025
so I gotta learn everything
super quick
340
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,902
for our first competition
this Friday.
341
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,779
Oh, my God!
342
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,614
This is huge!
343
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,324
Oh, honey, that's great!
344
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,034
I'm so proud of you.
345
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,619
Thanks, Dad.
346
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,705
All right, well, I'd better
get my homework done,
347
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:34,416
because I am going
to be so busy.
348
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,089
{Y:i}Either Sue does have
some talent,
349
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,508
{Y:i}or we have one
crappy show choir.
350
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,927
{Y:i}This called
for a celebration.
351
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,972
Sue, I'm just
so proud of you.
352
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,099
I never thought
you'd make anything.
353
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,185
Here's a dollar.
354
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:56,771
Thank you!
355
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,232
Hey, come on,
everybody!
356
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,483
It's getting kind of cold.
357
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,445
We should all get inside
and eat together as a family.
358
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,239
Move that bus!
359
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,075
Oh, my.
360
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:12,078
{Y:i}And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
361
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,457
{Y:i}fresh from
their knockout performance
362
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:19,252
{Y:i}at Hoosier Village Assisted
Living in Terre Haute...
363
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:24,382
The Orson Swingsations!
364
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,598
[ SONG: Get This Party Started
ARTIST: Pink ]
365
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:54,913
- Do you see Sue?
- No.
366
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:55,914
Where the hell is she?
367
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,672
She's on the crew.
368
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:04,881
What?
369
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:06,257
Oh, that's great!
370
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,550
The only thing lamer
than show choir
371
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,219
is being on the crew
for show choir.
372
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,554
Where's Sue?
373
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:15,058
She's in the--the middlish row
behind the pregnant girl.
374
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,688
Why didn't she tell us
she was only on the crew?
375
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,355
I don't know.
376
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,318
She does look
real happy, though.
377
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,537
That's my daughter--
That's my daughter right there.
378
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:36,746
Go, Sue!
379
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:49,926
One more.
One more.
380
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,099
Sue, the box.
381
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,143
The box.
382
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,737
{Y:i}No wonder my face
looks the way it does.
383
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,907
{Y:i}The Swingsation disaster
got Sue kicked off crew.
384
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,869
{Y:i}So when Brick said it was
the day of his book report...
385
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,704
Today's the day
of my book report.
386
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,875
{Y:i}I was at the end of my rope.
But what could I do?
387
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:08,046
{Y:i}I was the no-show mom whose kid's
best friend was his backpack.
388
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,341
{Y:i}I put on
my spanx and went.
389
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:21,559
Anybody call for Superwoman?
390
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,649
That's next Monday.
391
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,653
Okay, okay, come on.
Back to the story.
392
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:38,576
Hi, Bob.
393
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,578
Frankie.
Yeah, it's me, Bob.
394
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,497
{Y:i}Listen, that Gail woman--
She came back
395
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:43,498
to purchase a car.
396
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,916
She's looking for you.
397
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,084
{Y:i}But that dummy Pete--
398
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,085
He's moving in
for the kill.
399
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,545
He's plying her
with snow cones.
400
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,754
{Y:i}I don't think she can
hold out much longer.
401
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:50,880
She's on her second grape.
402
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,882
No, no!
That is my customer!
403
00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:55,802
Listen, don't let her move.
I'm gonna be right there, okay?
404
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,307
Damn it.
405
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,477
And the braking system
is just, like, so great.
406
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,731
Because it, you know,
like, it stops really well,
407
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:12,694
and it's got this, I mean,
integrated steering wheel that--
408
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,821
that, like, you know,
you turn it,
409
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,073
and--and honk if
people get in the way,
410
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,659
- and it just--
- Frankie, are you okay?
411
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,745
You seem
a little... stressed.
412
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,830
Oh, no. I'm fine.
I'm perfect.
413
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:24,622
Uh, where was I?
414
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,834
{Y:i}Oh, the horn!
You're going to love the horn.
415
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:28,752
Listen to this.
416
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,381
Isn't that great?
I am a matchmaker.
417
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,384
Did I mention that?
For people and, um, wait.
418
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,220
See? Isn't that fabulous?
419
00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:41,181
You know,
I'm a mom, too.
420
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:44,309
I know what it's like
to balance work and kids.
421
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,477
I've got three.
422
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:48,730
I've got three, too.
423
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,231
Isn't it hard?
424
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,318
It's really hard.
425
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:59,574
I'm just stretched so thin.
I feel like I can't do anything right.
426
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:00,408
Oh, I know.
427
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:03,620
Some days, I swear I just feel
like getting in the car
428
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:06,081
- and driving and driving...
- Yeah.
429
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,791
And never coming back.
430
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:09,668
Do you ever feel like that?
431
00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:11,670
Only every day!
432
00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,263
We made it! Yeah!
433
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,641
Pedal to the metal,
baby, all the way!
434
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:29,896
What was that?
435
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:31,940
What was what?
436
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,942
I think
we hit something.
437
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:35,527
Is something wrong
with the car?
438
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,778
Maybe you'd better check.
439
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,530
No, I'm sure it's fine.
440
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,366
I--no--yeah, no, no.
I'll check. Okay. Okay.
441
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:45,120
Yeah, I don't see anything.
442
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,206
Hey!
443
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:51,459
Sorry! I got
three kids in jail!
444
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:52,919
What?
No, wait!
445
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,088
You're not gonna
get away with this!
446
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,008
I've got your license
back at the office!
447
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,595
Oh, I bet that's not even
her real license.
448
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,433
Yeah, the picture
was too good.
449
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,050
Somebody call
for a ride?
450
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:43,345
Rough day?
451
00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:47,891
{Y:i}That's the thing
about family.
452
00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:50,352
{Y:i}Oh sure, they eat your food
and wreck your face,
453
00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:52,312
{Y:i}you gotta save them
a thousand times a day,
454
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:53,646
{Y:i}for God knows what.
455
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:56,858
{Y:i}But every now and then,
they save you.
456
00:22:12,082 --> 00:22:13,708
Not pretty fast
for a superhero.
457
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:17,253
- Are you okay?
- Wow! Nice tights.
458
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:18,922
Look at you.
Look at your mom.
459
00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:20,256
Mom...
460
00:22:20,674 --> 00:22:22,384
Here with your dinner.
We made it.
461
00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:27,055
You make it
just like I do.
462
00:22:31,893 --> 00:22:33,520
I love you, guys,
you know.
463
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:34,521
We know, Mom.
464
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:40,735
Hi. How come you never tell me
you love me?
465
00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:42,612
I told you I loved you
the day I married you.
466
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,073
If anything had changed,
I'd let you know.
467
00:22:47,117 --> 00:22:49,869
{Y:i}So, yeah...
Back then on the old license,
468
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:52,038
{Y:i}you know what my life
was gonna be.
469
00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:53,415
{Y:i}And Mike's right.
470
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,668
{Y:i}And I know...
this is my life.
471
00:22:57,002 --> 00:22:59,087
{Y:i}It's not gonna be
in People magazine or anything,
472
00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:00,255
{Y:i}but you know what?
473
00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,132
{Y:i}I got it good.
474
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:05,885
You have a meeting
with my gym teacher on Friday.
475
00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:07,929
- Friday.
- Knock it off, freak.
476
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:09,055
- Mom!
- Mike.
477
00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:09,973
- Axl.
- Dad.
478
00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:10,932
- Frankie.
- Axl.
479
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:12,559
Wait, who are
we yelling at again?
480
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:14,978
Transcript: YDY.com
Sync: YTET
481
00:23:15,020 --> 00:23:16,312
Final Edits: VeRdiKT
[Subscene.com]
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