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1
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This programme contains
some strong language
2
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,440
HUMMING
3
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,440
GLASS SQUEAKS
4
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,720
TAPPING
5
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,800
See you next Tuesday!
6
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,800
# It's such a crazy, crazy feeling
7
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# I get weak in the knees
8
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# My poor old head is a-reelin'
9
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,760
# As I go deep into the
funnel of love
10
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,640
# Here I go,
falling down, down, down
11
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,400
# My mind is a blank
12
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,000
# My head is spinning
around and around
13
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:11,840
# As I go deep into the
funnel of love
14
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# Deep into the funnel of love
15
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# Deep into the funnel of love
16
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# Deep into the funnel of love. #
17
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Hey.
18
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Oh, hi.
19
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I'm just here to return these.
20
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,040
Those are not my pants.
21
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,400
You going to give me
a tour of your new place?
22
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,320
No. It's, er, still being renovated.
23
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Looks pretty finished to me.
No, no.
24
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,840
I'm waiting in for a builder.
So maybe another time, yeah?
25
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,640
Yeah, yeah. No. OK.
26
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,480
Yeah. See you around, I guess.
Yeah. OK.
27
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,360
PHONE RINGS
28
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,600
Oh, shit.
29
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,680
What? What is it?
30
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,000
Oh, no. I've got a meeting.
31
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,120
Oh, is it important?
It's with my publisher.
32
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:01,720
For God's sake! My calendar
does not sync into my phone. Oh!
33
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,280
I hate it when that happens.
You should go.
34
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,040
I've got to be here for the
builder, Jamma.
35
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,680
I'll let him in.
36
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,040
Really?
37
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,800
Haven't you got to be somewhere?
Do something? No. Yes...
38
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,160
No. Yeah, I'm obviously very busy,
but I'll move things around for you.
39
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,320
Come on!
40
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,680
Friends help friends let builders in.
41
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,760
Right. Yeah.
42
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,880
Yeah. OK.
43
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:28,160
Yeah? OK. Yes. Go, go! OK, OK.
44
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Chop chop. Yep, yep.
Don't want to miss it! Um, Jamma?
45
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,160
Yeah?
46
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,040
I've just got a new rug.
47
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,560
Yeah. No, I will treat your home
like it's my own.
48
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,000
Knock 'em dead!
49
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,320
SAXOPHONE MUSIC
50
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AUDIENCE CHEERS
51
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,360
Oh, shit!
52
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,800
Bloody hell!
53
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,480
Oh, it smells like stability!
54
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,640
Guy, I'm home!
55
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:10,040
LAUGHTER
56
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,200
Rug... Rug.
57
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,440
Oh!
58
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Jesus Christ.
59
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,080
Fuck!
60
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,440
Phew!
61
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,440
Woo!
62
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,560
I could get used to this.
63
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,240
AUDIENCE WHOOP
64
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,400
PHONE BUZZES
65
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,320
I'm inside. Great.
Would you pass the phone to him?
66
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,640
Well, he's not actually here.
67
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,000
Guy left you in his house
unsupervised?
68
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,840
Wait, why do you want to speak
to him anyway?
69
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,160
Er, that's confidential.
70
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,920
Well, you won't believe
what I just found.
71
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,120
Don't go looking through his stuff.
72
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,840
I'm not. It's the manuscript
for the book he's writing.
73
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,320
Don't read it. I'm not.
It's a book about his exes.
74
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,600
What did I just say? Oh, my God!
I better not be in this!
75
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,560
Oh, my God, I'm not in this.
76
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,160
Listen, don't go ruining his house.
77
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,800
You're trying to get back
in his good books.
78
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,240
Well, I'm not in any book, am I?
Look, man. Super busy.
79
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,800
Got to bounce. No, wait, wait, wait!
80
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,560
I think I need you to come round.
81
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,680
Why?
82
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,480
I don't know,
I don't trust myself.
83
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,880
Sit still. Don't touch anything. OK.
84
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,480
LAUGHTER
85
00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,320
No! Move on.
86
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,480
Oh!
87
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,440
HEADPHONES BLARE
88
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,080
LAUGHTER
89
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,640
There it is.
90
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,160
Guy!
91
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,880
Boundaries.
92
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,120
DOORBELL RINGS
93
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,200
Builder! Coming!
94
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,800
Oh. Why are you dressed
like an adult?
95
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,240
Oh-h-h!
96
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,360
It's an original Maya Kolachi!
97
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,000
Shoes! Take your shoes off.
98
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,720
This is worth, like, 20 bags.
Really?
99
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,240
Yeah. Fuck!
100
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,640
I always knew Guy had good taste.
101
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,120
Well, obviously.
He dated me. Oh, yeah?
102
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,440
Name one artist.
103
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,360
Er, Maya Kolachi.
104
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,040
Someone I haven't just named.
105
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,800
Neil Buchanan.
106
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,640
Is that the Art Attack guy?
107
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,480
Yes. And he's an icon.
108
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,520
DOORBELL RINGS
That's the builder!
109
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,000
Quick!
110
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,880
It's takeaway.
111
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,120
I didn't order takeaway.
112
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,440
Whose takeaway is it?
113
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,240
CRASHING
114
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,080
Dad?
115
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,080
It's Tuesday.
116
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,600
Let me guess.
This was your plan all along.
117
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,360
What? To reunite the family. No!
118
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,840
I don't even know how he got in.
Front door.
119
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,240
You had a key?
120
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,400
It's Tuesday.
121
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,840
I know what day it is.
122
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,480
I like fish taco.
123
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,160
It's been nearly a year, and you
haven't contacted us once!
124
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,960
Yeah. Where are you living?
Are you safe?
125
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,480
My name is Saif.
Yeah, I know what your name is.
126
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,720
Why do you care about him?
He doesn't care about us.
127
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,160
He does care. You care. Right, Dad?
128
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,480
Pass the cheese taco.
129
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,080
Careful, man. The rug! MUFFLED:
Where have you been?
130
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:16,120
Just calm down, OK?
We don't want to miss the builder!
131
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,280
Don't tell me to calm down.
What kind of father...?
132
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,040
STOMACH CHURNS
133
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,000
Are you OK?
134
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,200
I'm fine.
135
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,080
What kind of fa...? Oh!
136
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,680
GURGLING
137
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,720
Oh, my God, dude.
Aren't you lactose intolerant?
138
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,280
DOORBELL RINGS
The builder!
139
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,360
Hi. I'm here for Guy Harvey.
Yes, yes.
140
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,640
Come in.
141
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,120
Shoes off. Yeah.
142
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,480
Don't you need tools? Well, I was
hoping you'd provide me with those.
143
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,600
I think I saw some in there.
144
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,080
Yeah.
145
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,360
Yeah. In you go. Yeah.
146
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,600
I did it! I let the builder in.
147
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,000
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
148
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,640
DOORBELL RINGS
149
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,200
SHOUTING
150
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,240
What's Mum doing here?
I texted her. You did what?
151
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,640
You want to bring Dad to a bun
fight,
152
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:13,960
I'm bringing Mum to a mum fight.
153
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,720
No, no!
I didn't bring anyone to any fight.
154
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,560
He needs to face his
consequences, man.
155
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,760
She will break everything in
the house trying to kill him!
156
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,440
BANGING
I want to kill him!
157
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:28,120
Mumsy, so nice to see you.
Shut up! OK.
158
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,360
Shoes off, please.
159
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,720
Where is he? Who?
160
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,320
Don't make me fool. I can smell him.
161
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,640
That might have been me, sorry.
162
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,280
What's that? Divorce papers.
163
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,080
Whenever I want him to sign,
164
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,480
every time he runs away.
165
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,880
No, no, no. Not today.
166
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,600
Yes, exactly. Not today.
167
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,640
No! I mean, don't do this today.
168
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,200
I'm not going to leave
until I find him
169
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,880
and he signs these papers.
170
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,240
Humph!
171
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,760
He went upstairs. Thank you.
Look, this is my son.
172
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,880
No, no! Mum. Take your shoes off.
173
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,440
Give me your shoes!
174
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,040
Just give me them. Shut up!
175
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,400
DOORBELL RINGS
176
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,480
Here to fix the bathroom.
I'll head on up. Yeah.
177
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:04,800
Wait.
178
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,600
You're the builder?
179
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,760
No need to be sexist, buddy.
180
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,960
Saif!
181
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Then who's in there?
182
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,360
Look.
183
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,400
My last therapist
turned out to be a fraud,
184
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,200
so I need this to go differently,
Mr Harvey.
185
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,440
Oh...
186
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,560
Oh, no, no...
187
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,200
You seem like an intelligent man.
188
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,560
Oh...
189
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,640
I feel like I can trust you.
190
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,960
Yeah. Of course you can.
191
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,960
Let's begin, then.
192
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,760
Saif!
193
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,560
He's not upstairs.
194
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,520
Saif! Where is he hiding?
195
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,120
So, it's the morning after
my vasectomy...
Saif!
196
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,200
..and I wake up and she's gone.
197
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,520
Took the kids.
198
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,080
SMASHING
199
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,640
Is your house always this busy?
200
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,880
Just today,
201
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,440
because my calendar
has not been syncing to my phone.
202
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,280
SHOUTING
You know how...
Sorry. Where were we?
203
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,640
Well... Lying.
204
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,720
Cheating.
205
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,320
How it's a big trigger of mine.
206
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,840
MAN SNEEZES
207
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,440
Bless you.
208
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,360
I didn't sneeze.
209
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,480
Let's unpack that.
210
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:28,640
Huh.
211
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,680
Oh, Mum! What are you doing?!
212
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,960
Making the mouse come out
of his home. No, no!
213
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,040
No, you can't do that.
He has been spending my money.
214
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,960
So these plates are mine to smash!
215
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,280
Oh, no! Mum, wait.
216
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:40,720
Whose house do you think this is...?
217
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,720
STOMACH LURCHES
218
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,760
What's wrong with you?
219
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,600
Loose motions?
220
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,720
I need toilet.
221
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,440
Be careful!
222
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,320
Three men?
223
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,880
At the same time?
224
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,720
And that's when I realised
the empty driveway.
225
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,080
She took my Prius.
226
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,800
CREAKING
227
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,880
Carry on. Er...
228
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,160
Smash!
229
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,280
Oh-h-h!
230
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,000
Is everything OK?
Yes. Yes, it is.
231
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,240
Are you sure?
232
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,080
Yes. Um, sorry. You were
saying something?
233
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,720
HE FARTS
234
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,920
You were saying
about your wife not trusting you.
235
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,560
Just before she left, she said to me
that she didn't feel safe.
236
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:02,800
Saif!
237
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,640
What was that?
238
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,040
I didn't hear anything.
239
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,880
Um, I just...
240
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,560
I want to know what I did
to make her not feel safe.
241
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,560
Hello?
I definitely heard something then.
242
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:21,840
OK, maybe if you could use another
word instead of "safe".
243
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,360
What do you want?!
244
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,600
Who the hell's that?
245
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,120
This is another client of mine.
246
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,600
I like to do this type of therapy,
where I...
247
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:31,800
Saif!
248
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,320
Would you like my advice? No!
249
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,400
It is good she left.
250
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,720
You have freedom.
251
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,600
Which way did he go?
252
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,640
What's going on?! OK. I think we
should end the session there.
253
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,720
CRASHING
Oh, my God!
254
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,640
SCREAMING
255
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,120
What the fuck?!
256
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,040
Oi! My plasterboards!
257
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,880
There goes my fucking weekend.
258
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,800
No! No! Help!
259
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,680
Help! Come back!
260
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,560
Oh! Saif.
261
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,680
So, you've, er, found my robe?
Yeah.
262
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,880
STOMACH BUBBLES
263
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,400
HE FARTS
264
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,240
Where are your clothes? Inside.
265
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,520
A gift for you.
266
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,760
Well, that's very generous of you.
267
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,840
You know that Jamma's inside,
don't you?
268
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,640
I have an appointment.
Yes, yes, I know you do,
269
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,360
but you should definitely
come and say hi. Eye test.
270
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,880
You have an eye test? I see..
271
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,440
Well, let's go
and see Jamma quickly,
272
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,280
and then you can go... Karate club.
Karate club?
273
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,720
You're very flexible, aren't you?
274
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,240
I'm just so triggered.
Look, it's all part of the therapy.
275
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,680
What type of therapy is that?!
276
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,400
Well, you know, exposure therapy.
277
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,400
Including that.
278
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,920
Why don't I show you out the back?
279
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,440
You will do no such thing!
280
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,680
I will be reporting you
the very first chance that I...
281
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,440
SHE SHRIEKS
282
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,720
Saif!
283
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,760
Oh...
284
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,680
Three deep breaths.
One, two, three.
285
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,000
Here we go.
286
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,720
Out for lunch. Yes?
287
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,760
Hello, Isaac.
288
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,800
You OK there?
289
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,160
Yeah. Yeah?
290
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,120
Where are you going with that?
291
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,840
Oh. You're taking that, are you?
292
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,360
You're not going to take my
Maya Kolachi, are you?
293
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,920
No, of course you're not.
Well, give it to me, then.
294
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,480
No.
295
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,120
Let it go, Isaac.
296
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,480
No... Let it go!
297
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,240
AUDIENCE GASP
298
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,720
Oh, my...
299
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,520
Oh, my God.
300
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,400
Jamma!
301
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,880
Oh...
302
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,160
Oh!
303
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,120
GUY SHOUTS INAUDIBLY
304
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,240
Oh!
305
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,560
Jamma! No, no, no!
It's not my fault.
306
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,000
I let the builder in, see?
307
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,400
The hole in the ceiling
will be extra. Oh, Jesus!
308
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,360
You said I could trust you!
309
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,360
No, you can. You can.
How can I trust you?
310
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,880
There are broken plates...
311
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,400
EVERYONE SHOUTS AT ONCE
312
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,040
Mum! Mum! Hold on. OK, OK!
313
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,920
From now on, you can only speak
if you're holding the vase.
314
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,040
Guy, I found my dad upstairs.
315
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,640
He was somehow already
in your house.
316
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,200
Well, yes. Because it's Tuesday.
317
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,720
I told him it's Tuesday.
318
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,400
Saif comes round every Tuesday
for a shower and a hot meal.
319
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,120
How long has this been going on?!
Since I left your mum.
320
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,680
Oi, you didn't leave me, bastard!
321
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,360
I am leaving you!
322
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,240
Sorry. You kept
in touch with my dad,
323
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,560
but you're leaving me out
of your book?!
324
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,200
Oh, so you read my manuscript
as well, then?! It's not my fault -
325
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,480
it was just lying there
and my eyes were doing this!
326
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,600
Don't hog the vase, Isaac!
Guy, the only reason I came round
327
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,200
was because you told me
you missed me.
328
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,800
And then I found out I'm not even
in a book about your exes. Why?
329
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,920
Why?
330
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,160
Because that chapter
isn't finished yet.
331
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,160
Sorry, I forgot my drill.
332
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,480
I didn't know
that this is your home.
333
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,760
Mm-hm.
334
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,440
It's very beautiful.
335
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,480
Thank you.
336
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,400
Um...
337
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,680
Um, how many bedrooms?
338
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,320
Er, there's three bedrooms.
339
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,880
Two bathrooms.
340
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,240
There's a second bathroom.
341
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,240
You know,
when I came to this country,
342
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,720
it was my dream
to have a home like this.
343
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,000
He was supposed to help me.
344
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,960
Instead, he was taking
everything from me.
345
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,280
He's taking my energy,
346
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,800
taking my patience,
347
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,040
and taking a shit in a vase!
348
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,560
It wasn't me!
349
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,800
Let's not point fingers.
350
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,800
But let's also be clear.
It wasn't me.
351
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,280
OK. Can we all just, um...
352
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,840
So, it seems that
the main issue today
353
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,400
is that you, Farida, want Saif
to sign the divorce papers.
354
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,560
Is that right?
355
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,480
As you may know, Guy, that now
356
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,120
I'm a very successful
television personality.
357
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,640
Are you? I have been picked to star
358
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,400
in a prestigious advertisement
for car insurance.
359
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,880
As a result of my new stardom,
360
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,560
there are so many people who
are interested in me
361
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,200
to do romance.
362
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,240
Even my butcher, you know?
363
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,680
Today he gave me extra mutton!
364
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,560
Oh, my God! Get to the point.
365
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,440
I need to fulfil my bodily needs,
366
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,440
and if he doesn't sign these papers,
367
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,720
I won't be able to meet my
bodily needs in a halal way.
368
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,000
Oh, my God!
369
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,520
God.
370
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,680
Right.
371
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,600
Um...
372
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,880
Saif?
373
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,560
Dad, either sign the papers
or come home.
374
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,800
No.
375
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:35,920
To which one?
376
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,280
Both!
377
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,840
That's not a decision!
378
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,680
Why is he being like this?
379
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,520
Because endings are hard,
aren't they?
380
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,240
Not to change the subject, Guy,
or anything,
381
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,120
but, um, would you be my therapist?
382
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,560
What, after you shat in his vase?
Grow up!
383
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,400
Says the guy who shat in a vase.
384
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,680
This was why I came round
in the first place.
385
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,080
What? To shit in a vase?
To talk about my trauma.
386
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,160
Trauma?
387
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,600
What trauma you have?!
388
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,320
Exactly.
389
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,800
Is everyone involved with Guy
but me? Hang on.
390
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,480
Where's Saif?
391
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,080
Oh, no! Not again!
392
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,960
I can buy new plates
and a new rug for you,
393
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,240
because, as I've already mentioned,
now my career is skyrocketing.
394
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,240
Oh, no. Yes, you did.
You did mention that.
395
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,560
Thank you so much, Farida.
Thank you.
396
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,480
We can unpack all of this
in my first session.
397
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,840
Right, yeah. No, I can't be
your therapist, Isaac.
398
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,160
Um...
399
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,640
You know, but if you wanted to have
a chat, or... Great.
400
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,360
Couldn't afford to pay you anyway.
401
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,920
Oh, great.
402
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,440
I'm sorry I read your manuscript.
403
00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,280
And about the rug and the vase
and the ceiling.
404
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,680
Yeah. It's not your fault.
405
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,800
Listen, if you want...
If you want...
406
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,720
No, no, no. OK. You... You go.
Right. Please.
407
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,880
I was going to say if you wanted
to have a...talk. Shag.
408
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,840
Sorry? A talk. A talk. Talk. Yeah.
409
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,480
I'd love that. OK.
410
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,040
Shall we? Yeah.
411
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,200
I definitely said talk.
412
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,120
I mean, it's because I've been,
you know, quite busy.
413
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:26,680
I haven't had much time, but I am
planning on writing that chapter.
414
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,440
And, when I do,
that will be the end.
415
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,200
HE GULPS
The end?
416
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,920
Of the book.
417
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,600
Of the book? Of course.
418
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,600
No, but I am going to be honest.
419
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,720
It might be quite exposing.
420
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,760
That's good.
421
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,200
I want to help you expose me.
422
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,320
Do you?
423
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,480
Yeah. You know, you've got to give
your audience what they want.
424
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,200
Right. It's not going to be
a long chapter, Jamma.
425
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,600
I think the sex alone
was a lot to write about.
426
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,320
It was all right.
427
00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,920
It was all right?
428
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,200
It was life-changing!
429
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,240
Not for me. For you.
Oh, for me, was it?
430
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,240
That's what you said, isn't it?
Right.
431
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,120
OK. What about the first time
we met?
432
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,600
What about it?
433
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,120
How it gave your life meaning.
434
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,120
Oh, you... You gave my life
meaning, did you?
435
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,040
If you want to write that down,
I support you.
436
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,360
No, no. To be honest,
437
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,800
despite all of your charm,
438
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,480
I found you really annoying.
439
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,360
You thought I was charming.
440
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,040
HE CHUCKLES
Why is that what you heard?
441
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,680
This, right now...
442
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,040
Yeah? This is the reason
why we broke up.
443
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,400
And why did we break up?
444
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,000
Hello?
445
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,040
What the fuck?
446
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,360
Hello?
447
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:51,800
Is there someone...?
448
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,920
Is there someone
in the fucking house?
449
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,080
Oh, I'm dead.
450
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,600
GRUNTING
451
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,640
THEY SCREAM
452
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,240
Jamma!
453
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:21,160
MUSIC: Shik Ma Van
by Juice House Band
30469
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